40. Hanging Out With Your Inner Child

Inner child. Trauma. Reparenting. The Little Prince. In this episode, we sit down to talk about the first time that we confronted our inner child and how we rekindled that relationship. We dive into our definition of inner child and how we practice hanging out with our inner child. Angie also shares her experience with imaginary exposure therapy which exposed some of her deep inner child wounds.

Takeaways:

• Connecting with your inner child can be done by interacting with a younger version of yourself
• Don’t stop doing things you enjoyed doing as a child
• You don’t need a therapist or a counsellor to heal your inner child but you must want to do the work to heal
• Inner child wounds that go unattended can turn into toxic behaviours as adults
• We can now provide for our wounded inner child 

Mentions & Resources:

• The Little Prince and You (Angie’s story)
• Le Petit Prince
• 6 Signs You Have a Wounded Inner Child (Psych2Go Youtube)
• Finding and Getting to Know Your Inner Child 
• Healing Your Inner Child 
• Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing

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Transcript

Kristy Yee: 0:00

We need to have like vocal exercises before we just like jump on, man, blah, blah, blah. Hey in today's episode, we're going to be talking about hanging out with our inner child, what that means, why we do it, how we do it, and some tips on how you might want to reach out and hang out with your inner child

Angie Yu: 0:47

Okay. Welcome back to another episode of shit. We don't tell mom, this is Angie.

Kristy Yee: 0:52

This is Christie.

Angie Yu: 0:53

And today we're going to talk about connecting with our inner child.

Kristy Yee: 0:57

And what does that mean? How would you define inner child? First of all?

Angie Yu: 1:01

Okay. Well, we all have a inner child because we were all a child once, right. To get to.

Kristy Yee: 1:09

Well, start.

Angie Yu: 1:10

that is a good, so scientifically, we were all a child once, you know, but there's a lot of like wounds from our childhood, whether or not you had a great childhood, uh, kind of like typically kind of sad childhood where anything like, there's always going to be some sort of a wound so everyone has this like inner child in them that needs healing. And the inner child is just kind of how I would describe it is it's the version of you that formed when you were a child and that you kind of suppress in your adulthood? And I don't know how scientific that is. I would say it's a term that's becoming more and more common. Thanks to Instagram and thanks to everyone's need for mental health. Resources during this difficult time on precedent to time. God, I hate that word now, but it's like everyone has an inner child. everyone has the ability to access and heal their inner child. It just depends on how willing you are to do that. And that's kind of the hurdle to overcome is like, you have to want to heal your inner child to actually heal it.

Kristy Yee: 2:25

Yeah. Or like you have to want to go through some sort of healing journey for yourself. Not just, not just your inner child, but like just me. Like, I want to get some of my shit together or like, you know, feel more at peace with myself and a place to start for some people could be diving into your inner child and like healing that barrier

Angie Yu: 2:47

Yeah. And it's

Kristy Yee: 2:48

and doing work,

Angie Yu: 2:49

and some people might find a cliche to, you know, talk about your childhood as an adult. Like, oh, that's so textbook or that's so predictive, like, oh, something happened in your childhood and blah, blah, blah. But I do think that there's a lot of validity in it, especially since that's what the experts have found to be helpful and useful in the work of psychology. And, there's a lot of resources out there. Like if you just type into Google right now, what is inner child and how do I, how do I do it basically? How do I inner child? I'm sure you'll find lots and lots of resources, but of course we're going to link some in our show notes as well.

Kristy Yee: 3:35

so we wanted to talk about, you know, hanging out with our inner child because that's something that Angie and I have been doing separately, and it's not something that we, we really talk about with each other. Like we kinda joke around it sometimes here and there, or, you know, I'm like, I'm going to hang out with my inner child today, we don't ever really like, have a conversation about it. So how did you learn about your inner

Angie Yu: 3:59

Oh, I was just going to ask you that, like, what was your first exposure to that? So how I first learned about it was actually a therapy session. It was with my, it was the third expert that I've consulted, which ended up being my long-term therapist. She had asked me in one of our sessions. So, you know, like the first thing. You do at a consultation slash assessment, at least from my three experiences is that they do kind of like a little background about you. They ask you about your childhood. They ask you about your parents, your family, your friend situation, like all that stuff. So this was the one of the sessions. And we had basically discovered that the one of the toughest time for me, one of the most traumatic time for me in my life was when I moved to Canada. And that was when I was nine years old. So in one of the sessions, she asked me to say something to my nine-year-old self and immediately I felt so awkward. Say something to my nine year old self, I don't know. I don't know what to do there. And she was like, okay, how about let's? let's why don't you tell me a little bit more about your nine year old self? So I was telling her about how, like, you know, I had to hide at home because I was only nine and technically in Canada, you're not allowed to be at home alone when you're nine. So I had to just play by myself, not let any other people know that I was home. And I would sometimes like play hide and seek by myself. And there was one time where I hid in the closet and I thought to myself, Hey, if I died in here, nobody would even know. And of course, when I said that I was crying because it was the first time I had brought it up with anybody. so as I was crying, she said, okay. And in that moment, Now as your 29 year old self, what would you say to nine-year-old Angie? And then immediately I've like cried even more. And it was like the silent kind of crying where like tears were just streaming down my face. And, and I think what I said to nine-year-old Angie was it's okay. You're not alone. And that was the first time I was really exposed to the concept of inner child. What about you?

Kristy Yee: 6:09

Well first, let me validate you.

Angie Yu: 6:12

Okay, thanks.

Kristy Yee: 6:18

Because it's extremely painful to be recalling that memory from when you were nine years old, especially when you haven't really tapped into that memory in a long

Angie Yu: 6:30

Oh yeah. It was so painful. It felt like picking a exposed unhealed wound

Kristy Yee: 6:36

and you didn't even think that that wound really existed because it's been buried so deep and nine year old is really far away from 28 year old Angie. And so that distance makes it feel like, oh, it's not really part of me anymore, but it is. And that's why it's so important to reconnect with your inner child because your inner child builds up to who you are as a, as an adult.'cause you're still carrying that pain and you're still carrying all those emotions and all those feelings that you felt when you were in that closet as a nine year old

Angie Yu: 7:12

That's really well put, and again, back to the wound analogy, if I could compare it to something physical, it's like wrapping that wound in a really, really. Bandaging and then just never actually healing it. Just keep covering up for 20 years. Just keep putting bandaging on and yeah, it's never going to heal and like, if you don't want dress it, and then when you finally do, it's like rotten and it smells and it's painful and it's gross. So when you look at it, you're like, oh man, this sucks. But yeah. Anyway, that, that was my, that was my first exposure to, in a child. And it was very painful, but like, I can kind of joke about it now and I can talk about it very comfortably now because I have been on that journey of healing it and I have accepted, you know, that version of myself. So I come from, a place of healed, a place of healed, a healed place. and honestly, like, I guess maybe a warning, an emotional warning to those who are listening, who have never heard of the term inner child before, when you first connect with your inner child, it might be really painful. So it'll be good for you to do in a place where you're comfortable in a place where, you can kind of pull yourself out of those painful feelings when you have to. And I think one of the reasons why it's helpful to do it with a therapist, or maybe a friend, someone you trust, basically it doesn't have to be a therapist. Is that there's somebody there to kind of pull you out.

Kristy Yee: 8:40

I had a different experience. It wasn't as raw as the one that you had mentioned. When I first connected with my inner child, it was through an exercise and we were like part of this group. And one of the exercise was to write a letter to yourself, but as a child. so we were, told to, you know, visualize ourselves in our childhood, whatever age that may be. There was no limit, but just visualize yourself in your childhood and then whatever image that pops into your head first, that's the age that you're going to write from. So I think mine was nine years old too. This is so super freaky because I was 29.

Angie Yu: 9:36

oh, there you go. You freaky deaky.

Kristy Yee: 9:39

Okay. What's going on? Okay. So I was 29 years old and then I visualize my nine year old self. And then I had, I had to write a letter as my nine-year-old self to addressed to my 29 year old self. So I did that. And then, you know, as nine year olds, what do you write? Like, how are you? I hope you're rich, blah, blah, blah. So it was very, a lot of, you know, surface level things, but I started crying

Angie Yu: 10:08

Oh.

Kristy Yee: 10:10

and I think it's the rekindling. That inner child, we're going to use this word a lot. I mean, I know it's in the title, We all know that our childhood is a part of us, but we just, we often don't reach back and, and be with that person closely. It seems like that person is really far away. And so, you know, distance, you tend to forget about them

Angie Yu: 10:40

distance and time.

Kristy Yee: 10:42

yeah, exactly. And in this case, time. is the

Angie Yu: 10:46

That's right. That's right. That's right. Sorry. That's what I meant. Yeah. Laws.

Kristy Yee: 10:50

So bringing her back into the forest, Was really me reaching back into my childhood and pulling that person forward into the present and then seeing them and seeing everything about them, all the things that were great about them, their innocence, but then also that pain that they are carrying as well. And then I had to be this person, even though I was once this person, but I had to put myself back into their shoes. And that was what was really emotional. So then that's, that's when the tears started coming down, even though I was writing about, you know, stuff a nine-year-old would write about. And that was the first time I had really rekindled with my inner child. And from, from then on what had helped me was actually separating this inner child away from myself. Let me explain what that means. So we think of our childhood as a part of us, right. The foundation of who we are as an adult. And we think of our childhood as our childhood and us as one. But now I think of my inner child as a separate person from who I am as an adult. So when, so when I say I'm hanging out with my inner child it's as if I'm hanging out with an imaginary friend, you know, like it's two separate entities. And sometimes like, I will give my inner child to hug. You know, you can't can't really do that with one person. You can like wrap your arms around your shoulders, but it's, it's different. Right? So I actually visualize me who I am now as an adult physically hugging my nine-year-old self as two different bodies. So for me to separate my inner child and who I am as an adult actually feels like I can bring the two close. Otherwise that time distance exists when I combine them together. Does that make sense?

Angie Yu: 12:58

It makes sense to me because I am a bit more familiar with the concept. but if I'm listening to it as someone who doesn't know what inner child means, it sounds like you are separating this concept of who you are as a child, it gives you the opportunity to treat yourself with more kindness to see yourself. Okay. A person, a human being on this planet that you are normally treat with kindness, but because it's your own self, you don't treat them with the same kindness you treat other people. So being able to, like you said, separate that from who you are now. So right now, separate from who you are, but separate that too, to see yourself as a child, to feel more sympathy for that child allows you to be more kind to that child's future version, AKA your present.

Kristy Yee: 13:54

that is way more profound than what I had actually meant. So I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't going

Angie Yu: 14:04

That's how I

Kristy Yee: 14:05

that road, but that was way better.

Angie Yu: 14:11

No, no, no. It just different. See, that's the thing, right? Like everyone experiences inner child differently. And that was my interpretation. from what you have said, what was your interpretation?

Kristy Yee: 14:21

what I was trying to say is our childhood is so far away from us that we forget about them. We sometimes don't even acknowledge that they exist. And for me to actually go through this journey with my inner child, I have to like acknowledge the exist. I have to know that they're there and I need to bring them closer to me and to do that, to like reach back and, and, you know, get closer with them. I have to pull that inner child forward to where I am today. And, and how do I do that? Well, they have to be separate from who I am now. So I just treat them as like another person. But you're totally right. When you say that we are the hardest on ourselves and we are also the most unkind to ourselves. So when I, maybe I subconsciously did this, when I separated me and my inner child, I'm actually able to better treat them as another person, the way I would treat, you know, a friend or whatever, because we are kinder to other people. Huh. Much. Brilliant.

Angie Yu: 15:38

If you haven't checked out our website already take a look at shit. We don't tell mom.com. Every episode is on there, including some resources and takeaways.

Kristy Yee: 15:48

We're going to have a bunch of resources about inner child and we have lots of resources on all sorts of different topics. And you can find that on our website as well and in the show notes.

Angie Yu: 16:00

And if you like our podcast and you want to support us, share our podcast with your friends and also you can maybe buy us a Bolty to help us cover some of the costs of producing this podcast.

Kristy Yee: 16:15

Okay, now that we've established, we all have this inner child, they're a part of who we are, whether we have acknowledged them or not. And now that we've established all that.

Angie Yu: 16:25

Yeah,

Kristy Yee: 16:26

How do you do it? What do you do?

Angie Yu: 16:29

Okay. What do I personally do? I guess at first, when I first was, exposed to it, I practiced now this isn't the sound very, you know, but this I practice mindfulness and what that means, and the thing is when you say mindfulness it's, so it's become such a buzzword that it has almost lost meaning. when I first. I realize that there is this inner child that needs healing in terms of being mindful. Was that every time I got triggered, anytime something made me an extra emotion. So anytime something made me extra happy, anytime something made me extra sad or extra mad or something that like measures my emotions a little bit higher than what would be considered, what my logical brain will consider to be a reasonable response. So of course everyone's threshold for a reasonable response is different, right? So it was more like my emotional mind versus my logical mind. So my logical mind would be like, okay, this is the type of response that's logical to me, but I'm reacting in a way that's way more exotic. And I'll be like, why, why am I doing that? so of course that's different for everybody, but for me, for example, if you know, like I didn't get flowers from my boyfriend and then I get extra upset about it. Logically it's like, well, he doesn't know. I want flowers. I never communicated to him that I want to flowers, but emotionally it's that it has this like huge, I have this huge emotions about not getting flowers on my birthday, for example, because I feel forgotten. And why do I feel forgotten? And why am I so scared of being forgotten and being forgotten was one of the key triggers that I had identified in my therapy sessions. So, so this is what I mean by mindfulness. It's not being like, oh, something happened. I'm going to go, do you. Like that's great on its own, but in terms of being mindful of your reactions, it's more about trying to figure out why you're reacting a certain way. that's how I practiced mindfulness in terms of connecting with my inner child. So in terms of that kind of connecting, it's kind of like what has wounded my inner child to make me feel this way as an adult, it's still, it's still a hundred percent valid. And I, and I wasn't invalidated myself as in like, oh, I shouldn't feel upset. It was more like, why do I feel upset? So that was one of the ways I quote unquote connected with my inner child. And another way was just to do things that I enjoy doing as a kid. And that's how, that's how I still connect with my inner child.

Kristy Yee: 19:31

let's see another example of how much of an impact our inner child has on who we are today because of how we react to things because of what can trigger. And it all comes from not all, but I think

Angie Yu: 19:50

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 19:50

a lot of it comes from the pain and trauma that we have felt when we were, when we were kids.

Angie Yu: 19:57

Yup.

Kristy Yee: 20:01

So the difference between someone going to therapy and someone who is not going to therapy, AKA me, is I, the way I hang out with my inner child is way less profound. And maybe it's because, you know, the, the journey is slower or everybody goes through it differently. One of the things that I did was I went back and I looked for photos of myself as a kid, and then I actually printed one of them and I have it in my room. So I see her every. This is back in Vancouver. I actually don't have her with me, but I have her there where my dresser is and my dresser is like in front of my bed. So every time I get up and I gotta like walk past my door, I see her, I see her in every morning. I give her a hug

Angie Yu: 20:59

that gave me major goosebumps. And that's like a great example of how you don't need therapy to help yourself heal yourself.

Kristy Yee: 21:14

And I mentioned hugging my inner child twice now. And I think the reason for that is because I didn't get a lot of hugs when I was a kid. I'm a pretty big hugger as an adult.

Angie Yu: 21:26

Yeah. You are.

Kristy Yee: 21:27

admit that I'm a huge fucking hugger. I love hugging everybody except my mom, but I love hugging people. And I think, I don't know. Maybe it's like I have, I have a lack of oxytocin or. I just like that emotional touching, the five love languages, like physical touch is number one for me all the time. And when I think back to my inner child, I think it's because I didn't get a lot of hugs when I was younger. I mean, I grew up with my dad with my like 59 year old dad who is not going to be emotional or affectionate. And because I lacked that intimacy, I now want to not make up for it, but, but provide that for her because she didn't get it.

Angie Yu: 22:19

I think, I think you're right. I think that is one of your love languages. I didn't get hugged as a child either, but I'm not like, oh, I want to hug myself. I don't know. I'm just not as much of a hug person. So yeah, everyone's different and you are definitely a hugger. So the fact that

Kristy Yee: 22:36

you for hugging me as a non hugging person.

Angie Yu: 22:39

know I will only tolerate it for some people.

Kristy Yee: 22:44

I'm so glad I'm on that list.

Angie Yu: 22:46

So anyways, I was going to say the fact that you are going back and you're giving your inner child that need, that is like prime example of connecting and healing your inner child. Because now it's on, it's on you to do that because we can not ask anybody else to heal our inner, inner children, our inner child. Like Kirsty takes initiative. So she's really good at reaching out to find resources for herself and find ways to, help herself do these things. I'm not so good with that stuff. So I need somebody there to. Get my ass moving. So that's why for me therapy was really, really helpful. And I don't actually go to therapy anymore, but the tools and the knowledge that I have taken away with me from my course of therapy over like a year and a half, has allowed me to really reach a good place in my life. But again, it's not for everybody. I think the key concept is that have to be willing because even if I go to therapy and I don't want to heal, it's not going to do anything for me. Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 23:55

I mean, like anything, right? Like going to a physio, going to the dentist, if you're not going to fucking floss,

Angie Yu: 24:02

brush your teeth

Kristy Yee: 24:04

they'll help you in that moment, but long-term wise it's you got to want to do the healing. You're going to want to put in that work. Like you have to,

Angie Yu: 24:15

you got to do your emotional. Yeah. You gotta do your emotional stretches. Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 24:21

Okay. So you mentioned like playing. I think playing is super important part of hanging out with your inner child, because it's not all just about like, let's talk about my pain and, and give them hugs that they never had before. It's it's not just about that for, for me sometimes it's like, I'm gonna watch magic school bus. Cause that was one of my favorite shows or I'm going to watch recess or something that

Angie Yu: 24:45

sailor moon.

Kristy Yee: 24:47

Yes, exactly. Like, I feel like sailor moon has become such a big part of my brand now

Angie Yu: 24:51

it has.

Kristy Yee: 24:52

that everyone's just like sending me sailor moon stuff and I love it, but that wasn't always the case. Like in high school, I don't think you knew me as like the sailor moon fanatic. It wasn't always a part of my brand and it wasn't until I started to hang out with my inner child that I allow that love for sailor moon to come out. And actually this me reconnecting with sailor moon event. It wasn't like, I was like some closet sailor, moon lover in high school. No, it was just, I just forgot all about. You know, it was just like, I put that aside. It was like, I loved it when I was a kid. And I'm going to put that aside. Although I did rewatch the entire thing in, in original Japanese, in high school. However, I put it aside because it wasn't part of my life anymore. I didn't understand that I needed to hang out with my inner child that I needed to play and, you know, engage in activities. And that I used to love until now as an adult. And now everybody fucking knows that I love sailor moon and I continue to enjoy loving sailor moon because it reminds me of a time when I was just a kid. And it was one of my favorite shows and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and shows the side. It's like other things too the other day. I saw, do you remember ring pops

Angie Yu: 26:11

yes, of course.

Kristy Yee: 26:13

Oh my God. Those are the shits man. I was a seven 11 the other day and I saw ring pop. I'm like, I'm going to fucking buy a ring pop and you know what? I didn't eat it right away because I didn't want to, but I saved it. I had it on my dress. I had it on my dresser for, for any time. If I do feel like I want to ring, pop and reconnect with my inner child in that way, it is there for me when I need it. I will also do things that I used to love as a kid. And I do them in adult versions. Now this is, this is what's interesting. I have noticed that things that I'm into as an adult kind of align with things that I was into as a kid. So a direct and very obvious example, our jigsaw puzzles growing up, I spent a lot of time alone and sometimes I will hang out with my dad and we would do a lot of fucking jigsaw puzzles. I didn't really do that in high school or even in university because it was just, it wasn't part of my life. I don't fucking have time to do a jigsaw puzzle. Like it just, wasn't a thing that I did. I like grew out of it, quote unquote, and now I fucking love them again. And then I remember that, Hey, I think part of the reason that I love it is because I did these things a lot when I was a kid and I'm not doing the hundred pieces anymore, you know, I'm doing the adult versions now, but it reminds me of a time.

Angie Yu: 27:45

you still, you're doing the 200 pieces

Kristy Yee: 27:48

Yes. A hundred percent of gray. It reminds me of. Like, it's not like I'm doing a puzzle and I'm like, Ooh, I think about my inner child. No, I'm doing the fucking puzzle as an

Angie Yu: 28:02

because you enjoy

Kristy Yee: 28:03

out with me. I'm just hanging out with me. I'm not hanging out with my inner child and just hanging out with me. But I noticed the correlation that, Hey, I do these things as an adult, but it came from a place that I had liked to do them when I was a

Angie Yu: 28:14

That's right. It's more so just hanging out with yourself, and, for me, I, all the things that I've been doing to quote unquote, hang out with my inner child or to, to kind of heal that indirectly to just hang out with myself are actually things that I never did as a child. But in my adulthood, I regret not doing as a child. Well, maybe not regret, but going, why didn't I do that? Like, how come I missed out? So for example, reading all the Harry Potter books, I never read them because my English wasn't quite there yet. And I think when everyone was reading Harry Potter, I was still watching like SpongeBob. just, just cause like I knew I wouldn't enjoy it because reading was just not on the table for me. And, but I watched the movies and I was like, okay, they're, they're fun. They're entertaining. And when I actually read the books, I was like, oh my God, it's so good. I was like, no,

Kristy Yee: 29:09

Now, you know, what's

Angie Yu: 29:10

I know, I know, It's not exactly. I was like, no, I know what's up. Like why everyone was so obsessed with it. And everyone's like, oh my God, like the seventh book is coming out. Oh my God. I'm just like, oh, why is everyone so excited over a book? But now I understand. And that was one of the ways that I healed my inner child as well, because of the circumstances I was in, and I guess for awhile, I was really like resentful of where, how I grew up, because I didn't get to do all these things that other children did. So obviously as an adult, I'm just like, you know what, I'm just going to make it up to myself. Right. So I see that's our different, different kinds of love language for you. It's like physical touch for me. It's quality time and like trying new things. And so for me, like, I did horse riding classes I started learning a new instrument and read all the Harry Potter books, like all that stuff to really just kind of make it up to myself.

Kristy Yee: 30:05

I love that because now you have the power. Like you can do these things as an adult. I can buy ring pops before it was just like something I drooled after. You know, it's not, it's not like something that we w we had a lot of money to go and buy candy and growing up in an Asian household, like you don't really get candy. It'd be a really special occasion to get a ring pop. And now it's like, I can fucking buy ring, pop whenever the fuck I want, and I can choose to eat it. And whenever I want, you know, and I love that you are doing the things that you felt like you missed out on, and now you have the power to do that. And you're, you know, you're recognizing like, Hey, I didn't get to do that when I was a kid. And I'm going to do that now.

Angie Yu: 30:52

exactly. And that's the beauty in being an adult like being an adult. Of course, there's a lot of things that are like bills or responsibilities, but also like this stuff, this stuff is also fun. As long as you don't forget that you are still able to enjoy life, you have to life. You have to find some

Kristy Yee: 31:18

which

Angie Yu: 31:19

yes.

Kristy Yee: 31:20

reminds me. Okay. So hanging out with the inner child, a lot of times I do this kind of on my own, like, like, I don't know, it's not like where I'm going to invite all my friends, be like, let's have an inner child party. You know what I mean? Like,

Angie Yu: 31:36

That actually sounds like kind of cool,

Kristy Yee: 31:37

there was one time where I did do that, where invited a whole bunch of friends to my house. And I had made a giant Fort in the living room and I bought all the fucking snake. do you remember those, like Lichi

Angie Yu: 31:51

Yes.

Kristy Yee: 31:52

with the coconut jelly in the middle? Yeah.

Angie Yu: 31:54

hazards. Yes.

Kristy Yee: 31:55

like Paki all the pop pen, green onion crackers.

Angie Yu: 32:02

oh, the onion rings. The onion rings, the

Kristy Yee: 32:05

Oh yes. The, the Korean onion rings. Yes. I actually did have that as well. So I bought a whole bunch of fucking snacks from when we were teenagers and kids and I just piled them all up in the living room. And I invited a bunch of my friends over and we just hung out in the forest and watched cartoons and ate snacks all day. And that was one of the best days ever. So you can invite all your friends and have an inner child part.

Angie Yu: 32:31

Yes. It doesn't have to be so low. I just remembered that one of the things that really reminded me and inspired me to be more child. Was actually, my friend will, who passed away. So, I'm not sure for those of you who haven't heard my story before. I think I mentioned this in episode two, episode three, episode three, so will, was a friend of mine that I met, during my year abroad. And he was younger than me. He was very childlike. It was very, it was kind of a interesting juxtaposition considering his physical appearance. He was like six foot, four stocky. Like by him, his attitude was almost like a kid. He was very childlike and I found that incredibly annoying. Like we did not get along. I was like, how is somebody so emotional? Like, how could somebody be so intelligent, but so immature and, bothered me like to probably an unreasonable extent again, probably because he was comfortable with who he was and I wasn't, and I actually wrote about this. there was one of the pieces I wrote at the start of the pandemic one, I was already starting therapy. It was when I was grieving on his three years, three year death anniversary. Is that a thing?

Kristy Yee: 34:04

I don't know how you would call

Angie Yu: 34:05

yeah, it was, it was like the three years since he passed and, you know, he passed away from depression and it really opened my mind up. And one of the things that stayed really vividly with me was that I was walking through a bookshop. It was a really hot day. And we had just gotten off work. We were both interns and we decided to go into this like seven story bookshop in the middle of the Plaza. So we walk in, we walk all the way to the forum book, section it K English books. And we were walking past and he was pointing all these classic books and I'm like, Nope, haven't read them. Haven't read them. You know, before you asked anything, I also haven't read Harry Potter, you know, I'm just not much of a reader. And he was, he was kind of really blown away. Like how can somebody not read books? Because he loved books. Whereas for me, I'm like, how could you not have any common sense? Because I love common sense, you know? And, one of the books that he was so enthusiastic about was the little prince. And I was like, oh, isn't that a child's book? And he's like, well sort of, but not necessarily. And he freaked out that I hadn't read it. And then, when I was going through therapy, I realized that I had never really grieved his passing properly. And it had affected me a huge, it really affected me like out of all the people, even people who knew him better than I did, like, it really, really impacted my life because I didn't know at the time, but I was also depressed. So the fact that he died from depression was like, oh my God, like a wake up call. And so one of the first things I did was I'm like, you know what, I'm going to read the little prince. So I read the book and it was incredible. And the book itself is still one of the classics, right? Like even if people who haven't heard it, even for people who haven't read it, they've heard about it. And I like read front to back in a day. It's a very short book because it was quote unquote, technically written for two. I read it back to front, read it again, back to front, to back. And then I read it in the

Kristy Yee: 36:19

back to front is a whole other

Angie Yu: 36:21

Yeah, no, I didn't read it back to right in front of my friend to back and then read it in Chinese and yeah. And, so much of it just reminded me of him that childlike quality, the very curious, curious, the curious approach to live into anything in life. And there was one line in there that really, really resonated with me was it's sad to forget a friend, not everyone has a friend. If I forget him, I will be like adults who are only interested in numbers. I think the big, the biggest reason why I love this book so much is there's so much up for interpretation. It's a very, very profound, very, very hard to describe book. There's no specific plot, but there's so many themes. It touches upon so many, so many universal relatable themes as a human being. And when we actually started this recording today, as we were talking, I was like, oh shit, the little prince, because a lot of people speculate that the pilot in the book is actually the author himself. Untwine something, something I can't pronounce French names and Antwan something Subaru. He was a pilot. And as you were talking, sorry, my mind wanders, but I, I listen, but my mind wanders, I was like, I think the little prince of him, I think that's his inner child. That's my interpretation. The thing is there are so many interpretation. That's why it's a book that people, the English teachers go write an essay about it because there's so much up for interpretation and it's however you want to interpret it. So I was like, shit. I think to me, that's his, that's his inner child and him having this like conversation with the little prince and being told stories by this little prince, like that's him, all the things that the little prince experience is the author slash pilot himself. And that's his interview.

Kristy Yee: 38:35

and that was his way of reconnecting with his inner child or just hanging out with them or having a conversation with

Angie Yu: 38:42

Yeah, exactly. And one of the most famous quotes, not the one that I just quoted, but one of the most famous quotes from the book is all grownups were once children, but only a few of them. Remember it.

Kristy Yee: 38:53

Hmm.

Angie Yu: 38:55

I'm just like, damn. The book is so advanced. You know, it was so advanced anyway.

Kristy Yee: 39:02

actually think that the book little prints, I also didn't read it as a child. So I don't know what a child's interpretation would be after reading this book. But when I finished reading it as an adult, I think you were the one who recommended to

Angie Yu: 39:17

yeah. I was like,

Kristy Yee: 39:17

like, you got to read the little prince man, you got to read

Angie Yu: 39:19

I was like, spam me, all my friends. Have you read the book yet? You must read it. Like you have to read it now.

Kristy Yee: 39:25

So I read it and I agree. You can read it in a day. I'd read it in a day. So it is, it is possible. Everybody go out to your library, just sit in chapters, read it.

Angie Yu: 39:36

Yeah. Yeah. It's also like 99 cents on Kindle or other eBooks just because it's such a classic

Kristy Yee: 39:45

so I feel reading it as an adult feels way more profound than if I would have read it as a kid, because I am now that.

Angie Yu: 39:54

That's right. Because the story itself is very fun. So as a kid, when you read it, you're just like, oh, this is like such a fun story. But as an adult, you're like, oh, damn. There's levels to this. Yeah. Yeah. I did a imaginary exposure therapy session with my therapist and it was so incredible. It was something I've never experienced in my life. And it was so deep that even my therapist was like, surprised. Like she was kind of taken back by

Kristy Yee: 40:41

So, what was that journey? Like? What? Wow.

Angie Yu: 40:45

It was like, you know, how in movies or in TV shows you kind of, you've reached some sort of a. Plot conflict. And then the main character gets taken back in time to see a younger version of themselves with like a guide with like, I don't know, like, yeah, some sort of guy like, like Harry Potter going back in time with Elvis Dumbledore. it was exactly like that. Like, I was there as a third person and myself, my younger self did not know I was there and it was exactly like how it wasn't the television. It just felt like I was there. And it was so it was so realistic that when I opened my eyes, I had like a shock

Kristy Yee: 41:32

Was it, was it like you are going back into a memory or whatever, somewhere in the past, and then seeing it like how we would see a flashback or is it as. We're watching TV and the main character goes back in time. And then the main character is watching themselves

Angie Yu: 41:51

it was like a flashback. it was exactly like, like I was Harry Potter and I was watching a moment in history, but I was there. Yeah. So it kinda

Kristy Yee: 42:01

Like you dove into the pensive.

Angie Yu: 42:03

exactly. I

Kristy Yee: 42:04

Okay. I got

Angie Yu: 42:05

I dove into my own pensive, basically.

Kristy Yee: 42:08

sorry for the non Harry Potter people, because I don't know how else to explain it.

Angie Yu: 42:13

It is. Yeah. That's the, it's hard to explain and. so I started off with me visiting a memory, and then it ended up being something that was more imaginary. And it was basically, when I was left with my grandma and it was when I was taken to the countryside to bring joy to the whole family, because my cousin passed away at the young age of seven, which is a lot of responsibility I learned in therapy for a three year old. Yeah. And then when I was about, when I was first brought back, I was three and then I went back to the city and then I went back. Full time. And I think I was like five years old at the time. And it's a memory that I still remember because when my mom was coming to visit, it was like two weeks after the fact. And it was two weeks after me watching her leave the village without me and me crying out for her to come back. And of course she couldn't hear me because I was inside the house and she was outside. And those are very, very vivid memories of mine and very painful in the past to Rufus, it was two weeks after, someone told me that my mom was here, so I ran to the neighbor's house and I hid behind the door and one of their rooms, cause this was a village. So everyone's like open arms. Like everybody knows each other. So I ran away. I didn't want to confront my mom and I ran away and I hid behind the door and I didn't want anybody to find me. So I was talking about that. And then my therapist was like, okay, let's. Let's go visit that version of yourself. So I closed my eyes and she's like talking softly, telling me to talk to the five-year old version of myself. And she's like, is she talking back? I said, no, she's ignoring me. She doesn't want to talk to me. And then eventually it ended up being my cousin, the one who passed away, who was able to come for a five-year-old Angie and pull her out behind the door and pull her back into the house. And the living room sat down and then made small version of Angie, some food while the whole time I stood there and watched. And it was so realistic that when that imaginary exposure. Wrapping up. And I opened my eyes. I had this feeling of shock, like where, hell, where the hell am I? But I was just there sitting in my therapist's office. And I was just like stunned. And even my therapist was stunned because we both didn't know that my mind had the ability to experience something like that.

Kristy Yee: 45:09

Were you describing the whole situation as it was

Angie Yu: 45:13

I was. Yes, I was imagining it and I could describe every detail I was seeing, like I was in the living room of my grandparents' place and I was with my cousin and I had this blurry image of her because I don't know what she looked like. So I couldn't see her.'cause. I don't remember what she looks like. She died at such a young age and my

Kristy Yee: 45:33

but you knew

Angie Yu: 45:34

Yeah. I knew of her who she was and my grandma burned all her photos, but so that's why I don't see her face. Yeah. Even my office was taken back. Like I it's something that was never able to do again, because I don't think I had a memory that, that was that significant, but that was another way of kind of connecting with my inner child. Knowing that even though I felt alone, always, there was somebody there for me. There was somebody who took care of me, who protected me.

Kristy Yee: 46:14

and it sounds like the five-year-old Angie wanted to be very strong, wanted to be the source of happiness for their family. And of course that is a lot of responsibility for a three-year-old and a five-year-old. But what they really wanted was that comfort to be taken care of instead of being the caregiver or the joy provider. And sometimes it's hard to give that to yourself even when you offer it. So it sounds like in that situation, you are offering to care and to love the five-year-old you, but what she really wanted. But care and love and comfort and to be taken care of by her cousin.

Angie Yu: 47:06

oh my God. I've never thought about it that way. That was very profound. Yeah. That's yeah, that's right. That's exactly.

Kristy Yee: 47:22

And you would've never, not never one can never say never, but it may have taken you a long ass fucking time for you to even realize that five-year-old engine needed that or needed to go through that. And I don't, I feel like it'd be really hard for someone to go back and tap into. Level, whatever that

Angie Yu: 47:45

Subconsciousness.

Kristy Yee: 47:47

is called. Yeah. Yeah. Like for, for, for me to just be like, okay, I'm going to have this solo session by myself in my room kit that's and like, go in. Wow. And earlier I'm like, you can do the solo or in a group session. It's I think it would be really hard for me to just like schedule it in and, and, and try to tap into that on my own. And I think to get to that certain level, it'd be really hard. So, you know, so, so that's where a good therapist could help you. It almost sounds like a little hypnotic

Angie Yu: 48:21

was very hypnotic S

Kristy Yee: 48:24

I've never experienced anything like sounds very cool. I think we just sold some, some listeners to go into therapy, but not all therapists do that. Okay. Cause I've never

Angie Yu: 48:35

And it's not, and it's not planned. It's like, it's not like I went into that session. Be like, I want to tap into some of my deepest, darkest

Kristy Yee: 48:41

Yeah. It's not on the menu. not on the service menu.

Angie Yu: 48:45

And that's why, that's why, like, finding a good therapist there is value in it because of course there's value in it. Right. because as the session went on, she was like, okay, let's try this. And it was at that point, I had already trusted her enough to allow her to kind of lead me to that place. Okay. Yeah, it was so packed. That's why, like, when I try to describe it to people, I'm like all those like scenes you see on TV and movies, that's what happened. But I wasn't watching TV. I was literally in there and maybe like other people have experienced that too. And then creatively put that into an art form. Yeah. So anyway, now, and I'm digressing, but yeah, it was incredible. And I, I don't know if I could ever do it again, but the subconscious, the mind is so powerful.

Kristy Yee: 49:43

that sounds really cool. I want to do that and I really want to put it out there to our poop troops that again, not all therapists can do that. It's not always on the menu. So don't think like I'm going to go through this like crazy hypnotic, profound moment. it can happen, but it's not guaranteed.

Angie Yu: 50:05

not guaranteed. And I think that's why my therapist was taken away too. She probably hadn't had that experience frequently either. It's not common. So

Kristy Yee: 50:13

Okay.

Angie Yu: 50:13

Well, thank you for letting me share that. Cause I know it's a lot

Kristy Yee: 50:16

And thank you for sharing that. I love stories. So I just like listening to stories. That was great. How do you feel after sharing that story?

Angie Yu: 50:27

I feel good. I I'm comfortable enough to share that memory now because like, and especially if it can provide some value to listeners or to you

Kristy Yee: 50:38

And I, I think, I think this is just yet another example of how much our inner child is still with us. And that pain is still very real. Like it doesn't get diluted with time. We think it might because it feels distanced because we distance ourselves from it. But it's, it's still. And part of growing as a human is to kind of tap back into the inner child and hang out with them, play with them, give them some love, and then also explore slowly and gently some of those past traumatic experiences and try to heal from that.

Angie Yu: 51:26

yep.

Kristy Yee: 51:28

Yup. So today we talked about why we hang out with our inner child. It's really to try to heal from the past traumas and experiences that we've had, because they are a part of who we are to. And also trying to give love to the child that may have been neglected or didn't get to experience some of the things that they wanted to experience everybody's approach to hanging out with their inner child is going to be different. Like we heard today, how Angie even learned about her and her child, how she hangs out with her is different than the way I do it. You can do it in a solo or group session, and you can do, you can hang out with them by doing things that you used to do or try the things that you missed out on. And the both of us love the little prince. So we encourage you to read it, even if you've read it as a kid, try it again as an adult and see if you have a different person.

Angie Yu: 52:24

And again, thanks for listening. And we'll see you next episode. I always say that we'll see you in the next episode.

Kristy Yee: 52:31

see you. Okay,

Angie Yu: 52:32

Bye. Yeah, that, that, that was pretty good. I will cut and paste that.