41. Living a Secret Double Life ft. Special Guest

Teacher by day, gogo dancer by night. We discuss (rant) how we deal with nagging mothers, life as a gogo-dancer, struggling with body image, and how to make hard life decisions. 

"No one is really looking at you. They're so concerned about their own lives. They have no time to judge you. And even if they do, it's such a passing fleeting moment."

- Special Guest
 
Takeaways:

• Give less Fs
• Our relationship with mom might never be perfectly healthy 
• Some of us are still avoiding, and that’s where we need to be 
• Our living environment shapes how anxiety manifests
• Think back to when you did something scary and how you’ve done it 
• Make decisions based on your 80 yo. self rather than who you are today

Transcript

[Special Guest]: 0:00

Plants are great metaphors for like resilience. You forget about them. You almost kill them. And they sold somehow come back.

Angie Yu: 0:07

Yup.

Kristy Yee: 0:07

That's a good one. Be a plant.

Angie Yu: 0:35

Today we have [Special Guest] from over at the commie tea room podcast. [Special Guest] is an [teacher] that also moonlights as a go-go dancer and a model. And in her own words, she uses her thirst traps to reel people in for her social activism. Like we love that. That's hilarious. Um,

Kristy Yee: 0:54

It's the best

Angie Yu: 0:55

seriously, the best bio we've ever seen. So

[Special Guest]: 0:58

you for keeping that I was like, are they actually going to use that

Kristy Yee: 1:00

Oh yeah.

[Special Guest]: 1:02

thank you. Thank you for having me on here. And I have definitely been creeping your account before. Cause I love the name. Should we don't tell mom? I was like, oh, that's like everyone. I love to serve relatable. I just love all the content you've been turning out so far.

Angie Yu: 1:16

Thank

Kristy Yee: 1:17

Thank you. Thank you so much. So I'm curious to know how did again, to go, go dancing and modeling.

[Special Guest]: 1:22

Yeah. I guess they're both things I've always liked. I always, I have a group of friends that we love dancing. We would go to clubs, not drink and just dance, not be hit on by anyone. then when I saw that it was actually something you could do professionally, you get something you could be paid for you can actually get really cool events. I'm like, oh, I want to do that. but it was quite the Rocky journey to it. Cause they don't have a dance background. I'm just very enthusiastic about dancing. So I'm like in the beginning I was that person that flailed around on the dance floor, a lot, a lot of energy. I, I found this company in Edmonton, was another girl I modeled with and she, did some work with them. So I found them out and I asked to audition. I didn't get in, they asked me to stay in train. So I trained for a year. I did the grind and then I finally got in and they, dance with him for five, six years. and you would ask about modeling, I think. yeah, that was actually, so I lived in Edmonton for 10 years. I was walking down the street on white app and there was a guy who was, kind of came out of coffee shops like, oh, want to take some pictures? That was a super dodgy, they were dodgy, but he actually was a painter. And he photos that he took. So he showed me his work and they were all quite tasteful and and stuff. I was like, oh, this is cool. And then I didn't realize it was something that people did. That could be a hobby, not something that had to be at the runway, magazine level. So I thought like, okay. I'm into this. And then it's been, it's been 10 years, I guess. And still down in.

Angie Yu: 2:49

Yeah. And I mean, we creeped your Instagram page too, like when you,

[Special Guest]: 2:53

Excellent. Excellent. But there are are

Angie Yu: 2:55

yes. so you're also an English teacher. Do your students know about this with, does your school know about this? Moonlighting career that you have.

[Special Guest]: 3:04

honestly, it's something I intentionally try to stay ignorant of. It's been brought to my attention a few times, like rumors here, Callie pulled me aside once I'm like, Hey, there's like an old picture that I wasn't unviable unable to like untag myself. circulating on Snapchat with all the students. Like this is my science teacher. I was teaching science and, and she like, yeah, like, what do you think about this? I'm like, oh, that's not me. That's some other Asian. I've been using that excuse a lot. So it has come up a few times and I just denied the hell out of it. And I usually, if I find it, any students or potential students following me, I just block them. Or if they create my stories and then I actually go to their accounts before I blocked them and see all their friends have blocked them too.

Angie Yu: 3:44

Wow.

[Special Guest]: 3:45

So tedious but worth it.

Kristy Yee: 3:48

have students ever just straight up asked you?

[Special Guest]: 3:51

Yeah. And again, I just deny the hell out of it. It's it's honestly, like I did an interview about this too. Like the whole idea of what professionalism looks like. I know that the teachers and certain professions are held to a higher standard, but what is that standard and how are we, what is that? How are we coming up with that metric in the first place? Like, if you're thinking of any competent teacher, that's a concern, but if it's how I'm spending my hobbies on my spare time and what that spare time looks like in terms of gender of race, right? Like, I think some issues there when we create or cultivate the idea of professionalism. So honestly, like it's something I have a beef with. I know it's what I signed up for, but I'm resisting the whole time while I'm in the belly of the beast.

Kristy Yee: 4:30

Because I think it's completely unfair to to almost like deny a part of your identity.

[Special Guest]: 4:35

Totally. Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 4:36

I think for some people they prefer to just keep their lives separate or, you know, truncate them in different ways. And then for some it's like, oh, I have to do this because that's what society expects me to do. Like I have to hide because I would be shamed or there would be perhaps in my job. Like I could be fired for example, I could totally see,

Angie Yu: 4:59

Like some super conservative mom being like, I don't want this woman teaching my kids or something. Even if the pictures are tasteful, like I can just see there's always the behavioral people out there. but when you were talking about how you have to like, actually go in and like prevent your students from seeing your photos, like, like you're actually moonlighting, you're actually living two different lives. Like.

[Special Guest]: 5:21

totally. Yeah. And it's hard. Cause like I think what would be easier is it. the artsy side, the modeling go-go dancing side, private, but as you probably know, in the industry, like in the social media industry, like how else will you get exposure, gigs or more opportunities. If you're private, it can be done, but it's not easy. Like. at the end I was private for a bit. Oh my goodness. but in the end I ultimately changed that. So, yeah.

Kristy Yee: 5:47

your ideal world, what would it look like? Would you prefer to keep the live separate or would you prefer to have it all meshed together and be like, this is me. I am [Special Guest]. I am a bio-mass English teacher and I'm also a rocking go-go dancer.

[Special Guest]: 6:01

Yeah, Ooh, good question. I think in the ideal world, I would definitely want the two in mesh because I think honestly, I am modeling good behavior. I'm modeling comfortable comfortability with my sexuality being able to manage it well within different spheres. I'm able to, juggle different things and remain well-rounded. And it definitely has like cross discipline benefits. Like go, go dancing. What I've learned from modeling has helped me with things I do in my classroom. So why not? And I think like if can see that at boys and see someone like that, if I had something like that as a student, I would have seen myself very differently. I was super shy as a student, very uncomfortable with my body, and took a long time for me to get out of that space because there was so much shame inherent around that. Right. so yeah, I would want the two immeshed for sure.

Kristy Yee: 6:46

You mentioned, there's skills that you can back and cross over. Could you talk a little bit more about that?

[Special Guest]: 6:52

Yeah, for sure. Well for modeling, for example, some there'll be a shoot where, photographer has a really unique concept and they're trying out something experimental that composing image. that's something I use like image responses is something we use in class, how to interpret images, how to a lighting. So I can speak to that. Or even just a simple matter of knowing what to do with yourself after high school. that it's so nerve wracking and it's actually incredibly unfair to expect a 17 year old a limited life experience to know what they want to do at that point in life. so I'll tell them about people I've met through the modeling, just people with really interesting trajectories, or who've been able to take something like. They're an aircraft engineered during the day and then the user handiness with machinery and it to help with their photography at night and how that's really taken off, to really just show them that there, there can be so many different ways you can live your life. It doesn't to be. I graduated. I I don't know an engineer. I do my nine to five and then that's it. So that's like, that's one of the ways I can see that cross discipline application coming across.

Kristy Yee: 7:56

I love that. And I think in so much of our, our millennial definition is everybody's got a side hustle

[Special Guest]: 8:04

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 8:05

and I think, okay, there's definitely financial, economical reasons for that. But then there's also like, Hey, I'm allowed to have multiple identities and then mesh that all together. As one cohesive me, am an English teacher and I am a dancer and I'm a model I can do all of that at the same time, you know? If we could showcase that we are allowed have different identities and different hobbies and be able to pursue them in all these different ways. I think we are being an example for the next generation that, Hey, you can do all of these things. You don't have to choose a certain identity when you are 17, can experiment and be all these different types of people and then figure out the few that you want to be, that you're comfortable with. And that's who you will become

[Special Guest]: 8:55

Totally.

Angie Yu: 8:56

I was actually, looking at co-op, applications the other day. Like, I don't know if you guys have co-op in Calgary or at U of H

[Special Guest]: 9:03

co-op oh, Co-op.

Kristy Yee: 9:05

or just co-op is to our

Angie Yu: 9:08

to our non-Canadian friends. And, so co-op is, I don't really know what S some cooperative of some sort, I guess, between employers and, and schools where you send students to these job opportunities, usually for like the minimum of one semester, and you get paid, like get usually compensated pretty well for a student job. And then in return, you provide, I don't know, extra hands on deck, and then you also learn on the job. So that would, that's something that I think a lot of students nowadays really want to embrace, because I think they're starting to realize K, like, I don't actually know what I'm doing, and I want to get job experience also, because they're told, like you have to have job experience to get a job, which is, an oxymoron. But, I was, so anyway, back to the point, I was looking at these co-op applications and everyone just looked the same. Everyone had a decent GPA, they were all studying statistics or finance. And like, it's just every single one I could not distinguish between them. And I'm like, where are the interests? Where are the, like, what do you do as a hobby? Like how do I distinguish you guys from each other? If your resume all looks the same. And I don't. I remember when I was applying for jobs, like I would put my interests at the bottom, like, is that not a thing anymore? And if I were to re somebody, Hey, like I'm really into dancing and modeling, I would be like, oh my God, she sounds so interesting. And let me interview her.

[Special Guest]: 10:29

Yeah, totally. And I think like I've been talking to friends and what that translates to when you don't start pursuing those highways at an earlier age, granted, this doesn't happen to everyone, but there becomes this hesitancy as you get older, I have a friend who is actually quite talented, very creative, she has so many ideas, but she doesn't know how to pursue any one of them. And then that idea in itself, it just overwhelms her. and she can't do anything. It's what do you call it? Like, it's a paralysis of sorts. I think it's because she didn't start early enough. She that's what she says herself. I was like, well now in my thirties, like, what am I going to do? I want to start dance it's too late. always say, it's never too late, but to really actually the idea home internalize it, it's quite a bit more difficult, you know, when it's so much easier just to sit in front of the couch and watch another night of Netflix

Kristy Yee: 11:11

and so much easier to give advice to other people than to take it for ourselves. I think by the time, like, you know, once you are in your thirties, And don't want to. Okay. I just, I can hear myself like boxing already. I'm boxing people, but okay. Let's take that back. But once you get to a point where you feel really comfortable with your life and what you have been doing, and maybe that's following that stupid handbook that we have been told to do by society, we become hesitant become resistant to change, even if we want to change. And that's the key thing. Like, even though we have this idea, want to start a podcast. I want to start a business. I want to like, do these things. I want to learn how to dance. We give ourselves all these different excuses of why we cannot, like put ourselves down. We say we are too old. We can't learn a new language anymore. I like, I I'm already settled into my job. Like, no way I can just quit and start a business. we become fearful of change because we're so comfortable

[Special Guest]: 12:15

yeah, totally. And I do have to say what's usually helped me take risks is knowing that I've done it once before. So it then has that reinforcement, Like, for example, when I moved over to Spain, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've never a job before I've never done this. And was like, no, you tried dancing. And you tried dance training for a year. And I had to like be judged and watched by everyone when I was so. bad. And I kept going back every Monday night for that training class, even though I hated the hour when I was judging critique, that. can do this too. And then, yeah, it's a nice snowball effect, I guess, if you want to call it that.

Kristy Yee: 12:49

Doing this one thing and then just keep fucking it up and just keep doing it anyways. And it's going to reinforce you to, to be better be comfortable with, with change. Okay. You moved to Spain. That's bomb. Okay. Tell us about that.

[Special Guest]: 13:04

Oh, I always try to drop into a conversation with new people. I was like, okay. So remember to say, I want to talk about again. yeah, so that happened, two years ago. It was, yeah, it was private exchange program. You go over there and you teach for 16 hours as a teacher assistant. You don't need any experience, just a degree in north American or a Western university. So I had just, at that. point, secured a permanent teaching contract, with my district, which is, quite difficult to do. Then it's more difficult now because of our budget cuts in our province. Thank you government. and it's kind of funny because at the time I was thinking to myself because I was 31 then, and I thought, well, know, like things might happen later on. I might get married, I might have kids. And it'll just, it might be a little harder to remove myself then. I had to do something. What's ironic is after I did all that, it came back COVID happened. And so it made a lot of things difficult, definitely gave me that perspective. But, yeah, I moved to Spain. Didn't speak a word of Spanish. I just learned that Denada meant welcome before getting on the plane. So that's where I was at and it was amazing. Yeah. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone. It humbled me realizing that being an English speaker meant nothing. If you weren't part of that place and that you had to really adapt and also take things slowly. is true. The Spanish are very good at relaxing. Like you can't run errands during your break or the weekends. There's no such thing as that, things are just closed.

Kristy Yee: 14:34

do you run your errands?

[Special Guest]: 14:36

You run them when you run them. Like you. You don't get so anxious about them.

Kristy Yee: 14:40

Wow.

[Special Guest]: 14:41

And you don't run chores or whatever on Sundays, you spend time with family and friends at the beach at the restaurant, because those are the things that are open, but grocery stores, market, malls are closed.

Angie Yu: 14:50

Really grocery stores are closed.

[Special Guest]: 14:52

Yeah.

Angie Yu: 14:53

When you do, that's like, I can't imagine.

Kristy Yee: 14:55

And you're like, what do you do? Well, you hang out with your friends and family and you just chill. And we're like, do you mean? What do you mean chill? What do you mean?

[Special Guest]: 15:03

well grocery starts. Oh, I forget what the community stores are called, I guess like bodega is maybe, those were open, but they're more expensive then they'll just have like a few straggly bits of vegetables and overpriced the water. So like you had some, Yeah. you'd apply. Like if you were using your party Saturday, you'd be hung over Sunday. You get to that grocery store on Saturday because things will not be open Sunday when you're hung over. Yeah,

Kristy Yee: 15:25

wow. Okay. So all of our listeners are now thinking about going to Spain. Now know I am.

[Special Guest]: 15:31

it's amazing. Seriously.

Kristy Yee: 15:32

I think, what's really interesting about that is like we live in north America and majority of our listeners come from some sort of a north American slash Aussie slash UK, type of society. And when we go to a completely different place on the earth and see how they live, it's kind of amazing to see how much. Different. It is because there are some countries or some places who are way faster than we are. Like, they move at such a rapid pace and it will just like spike up my anxiety so much because it's so much more go go go than it is here. People think like in Canada, super chill or we go to certain parts of Europe and they take like a two hour lunch breaks, you know, and still just as productive and justice effective in their business and in the organizations. But their lifestyle is just different and things close on Sunday. And, and I feel like if I were to go there right now, I would probably feel a heightened sense of anxiety thinking that, oh my gosh, I have to plan all these things. Like I can't just go to the bank, they're like, go and get my groceries whenever the time. Now I want prime now.

[Special Guest]: 16:47

Yeah, convenience 24 hours open 24 7, not a concept.

Kristy Yee: 16:52

but I think over time you start to relax and you start to let go of those anxieties because I think having things so accessible all the time is creating more, more problems than con right?

Angie Yu: 17:05

Yes. Actually, I feel that so much right now because now that everything's open again, I feel like I have the pressure to be doing something every week. before I'm like, well, it's not like there's anything I can do. I'm just going to sit at home, read a book, make some coffee. I mean, I still do that, but there's definitely another part of it. A part of my brain, that's going, you need to be outside. No, you need to go get brunch with friends. No, you need to go bike around the seawall. Like you need to do all these things because that's what people do on the weekends. instead of just taking like relaxing and be like, what do I want to do today? And now what I think I should be doing today. I think that's the same.

Kristy Yee: 17:41

there's probably a heightened sense of FOMO.

[Special Guest]: 17:44

I was gonna say,

Kristy Yee: 17:45

to going to come back.

[Special Guest]: 17:47

Yeah. FOMO and then making up for lost time and also the anxiety of another lockdown. Like I gotta get all my Hangouts in because who knows when these are closing down again, I've heard people saying that too. Yeah. no, for sure. it's also funny, cause you mentioned how some people think Canada is really slow. My parents are from Hong Kong and my mom would always brag about how fast paced Hong Kong is. It is and how that's it makes Hong Kong superior to Canada. It's like, you know, like when people talk over that, they're just like so much faster than even walk faster. Canadians are so slow. And when I was in Spain, like, oh my goodness, my parents actually came to visit me in Spain and they were definitely taken aback at how relaxed things were. It took them a while to get used to it. Actually, they had to get used to the late mealtimes. Cause that's a thing around seven, eight people don't really start eating around 10 or. Eh 9, 10, 11, and my dad was not happy.

Angie Yu: 18:40

Yeah. You were talking about how you were uncomfortable with your body and your sexuality in school. I think that's super relatable for a lot of people, especially Asian girls. can you elaborate on that?

[Special Guest]: 18:58

Yeah, a big part of it was just lack of representation. Like I was constantly comparing myself to the white standard of beauty. And honestly, that's still something I'm working on today because sometimes there's this inner voice telling me like, well, we say that there's different types of beauty, but that's just like a cop-out maybe that's just a way of me trying to myself feel better because truly white beauty is better. Like, so there's still that little voice sometimes, but that? was the main dominating voice when I was younger. So I was, felt like I was too skinny. was. Too. Yeah. bangs eye glasses. also, my mother never actually encouraged me to myself at an early age. It was all about being more academic and, focusing on looks actually distracted you and would set you up for failure later on. she would put out to all these examples. So I'm like, okay, I guess not. what's actually interesting is that my mum, even from the beginning always maintained that I was beautiful in her eyes. And you would think, well, what that's really positive. And it was, but then I looked in the mirror and it was just, I was not seeing what she was seeing and that positive reinforcement, actually the contrast actually me feel even worse. Like I actually became resentful. Like, why am I not seeing what she's saying? She's totally lying obviously. And it made me feel worse. I internalized it. so it took a really long time. I also used to really love this all leads into alternative lifestyles, like goth, and punk stuff. And I was just too afraid to, express any of it until I was much older, like 19...20.. Yeah. But once I did, it was, it was like life changing and then I just never looked back.

Kristy Yee: 20:35

How did you get to a place where you were this shy, uncomfortable glasses with banks, kid to being so comfortable with who you are now in, in your own.

[Special Guest]: 20:47

Right. And it does sound like a very unrealistic transition. Hey, it's just like, it just happened overnight. I don't know what to tell you. I guess like the whole time when I wasn't, being the, the confident person I was, I was kind of slowly cultivating it. And to be fair, a part of it was also while living at home and not having my own income. Like I didn't have money to really, I hate to make it make it sound like it's about buying things and buying makeup or what have you. But I didn't have or resources to access different ways of expressing myself. It was just what was given to me at home. it was quite limited, but once I started like getting out there, moving away to university also helps and being surrounded by different people. that just kind of made me realize, oh, there's so many different people out there. And also the big thing was that no one is really looking at you and they're so concerned about their own lives, that they have no time to spare looking at you or judge you really. And even if they do, it's such a passing fleeting moment. And I think I start to get off on that. The fact that even if, if I did something worse, something that was shocking, I got off a mat and I think that's how I start to reclaim a bit of that competence. I guess I can't really pinpoint an exact moment, but it did start to shift when I moved away to university. So

Angie Yu: 21:58

Yeah. Like you were able to express yourself because you felt more like yourself and less like who your parents want you to be.

[Special Guest]: 22:06

there was a bit of that. I also had more access to resources where I could actually even little things Like just, don't know, goth, Stomper, boots, something like

Kristy Yee: 22:15

like buying the clothes that you want, being able to like, you know, get the makeup that you want because you're in a place that you can do that. And you have the space where you can do that because you're not surrounded by your parents because you're living on your own. You can make these choices. So in a way it's really empowering when you're able to access and use these resources. And then therefore you can feel like, oh, I can better express the person that I want to be.

[Special Guest]: 22:38

Yeah, no, totally. And it's like, I, there's a part of me that doesn't want to just base it on that to simplify it, to make up and clothes, but is artistry in a sense, right. I think maybe that's why modeling came so easily because I had accrued quite a bit. And I had so many ideas on how I want to express myself and modeling gave me these opportunities like, oh, we want to do this. Look with you. Or, oh, what can you come up with for this concept? And I really liked that. I wanted to like, be more shocking, more sensational I came up with concepts and I've been watching a lot of RuPaul's drag race from the commentary that I've gotten there. That Yeah, Make an enclose. Yes. They're physical. They were material things, material things, but they really can change how you perceive someone. it's also that artists showing you that the side that they want you to see and it can be really empowering. So I think that's what helped me, but also just the whole idea of like giving less Fs. And that kind of refreshing comes with age too, but so refreshing.

Angie Yu: 23:37

It really resonates with me just about how you felt so like trapped in not being able to express who you are. Kristy and I went to high school together and I was also super uncomfortable with my bodies, with my bodies, with my body, when I was in high school because, I had big boobs, well, I still have big boobs and it was something that people would walk down the hallway and girls would say to me, Angie, pull up your shirt. it just always made me feel so self-conscious. So I started hiding, my body behind like, loose clothing, just. Unflattering clothing, just because I didn't want to over sexualize myself, but it's not because I didn't want to is because I was made to feel ashamed about being comfortable in my body. And I apparently my body was to a lot of these people that were in my surrounding social bubble. like none of my close friends ever made any comments about my body, but it was like like classmates and just random people you go to school with. And same thing. It wasn't until I went to university where I'm like, well, first of all, I didn't like see those people anymore. like they, weren't walking down in a tiny hallway telling me that I need to pull up my shirt. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. And that was also like a super liberating feeling. Not that like, I walked around with my tits hanging out, but it was just like, Hey, you know what, I'm going to show cleavage. I can, if I want to, it's my body and I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about it. But yeah, I struggled so much in high school. And I've always been on the bigger side as well, like curvier side And like family. They always make comment like, oh, look at how much meat you have. And it's like, oh, Asian girls are all skinny except me kind of thing. oh, I'm not what I should look like. I don't think that body positivity movement started until we, we became much older. and I are both born in 90, so yeah, I just remember it just, it was not a thing. And now seeing it everywhere, seeing body positivity everywhere just makes me so happy that another high school girl doesn't have to go through what we went through.

[Special Guest]: 25:41

Yeah. And I'm so sorry, you had to go through that. And I think it's so interesting that sometimes it's not even asked of us, but people will police each other. And I think that's the worst thing you can do, like mind your own damn business, why even bother to reach out to that person and say, Hey, pull your shirt up. And I am glad that body positivity movement has really changed things like I've seen through the mall, like gap has models that are, body sizes. They don't have super flat tummies. I'm like, how better would I have felt seeing these images growing up instead of those skinny nineties models and nothing against them. I mean, that's beautiful too, but that's all we were shown but I think it's a real tragedy because in schools now with dress code, that is still something that's. Maintained police, right. Especially with girls versus boys for girls. It's like, don't be distracting. Your spaghetti your crop tops and distracting. Well, let's teach the boys not to lug. And so that's the right there because it's not the fault of the girls if they want to on their bellies or whatever.

Kristy Yee: 26:41

Let's talk about like objectifying women instead of us trying to hide ourselves and who we are, especially in a time when you're in high school, when you don't even know who you are and your body's changing like every fucking month, you know, like a very confusing time. And when are being subjected to these sort of messaging, you really internalize that. And then you become ashamed and you become even more uncomfortable. During an uncomfortable time already. And it isn't until much later that you start to even begin to realize like, oh, I'm I'm I'm okay. I'm still valued. I'm still worthy. Regardless of what my body looks like, regardless of how, how I express my sexuality. some people don't even get there, they don't ever get there because they're still stuck in that mentality of like, I need to be ashamed.

[Special Guest]: 27:36

Totally. And I think it's just never ending, especially for women. If it's not about size, it's about, when we start getting older too, we start to feel uncomfortable when you're older. Like, oh, I shouldn't wear those clothes. Cause they don't match my age or what's the phrase. Yeah. It's Like it's related to age thing. Like no screw that. the one thing I really liked in Europe and especially in Spain is that I remember my first day in Barcelona sitting on the beach, there was this older couple and the woman had her breasts hanging out because a lot of the places there allow you to be topless and her husband was just rubbing her back with some oil and they just looked so comfortable and she's just chatting with him. And she uses like her boobs are hanging out and people are running by. Kids are in by didn't matter. And she felt, so she looks so sensual and confident, even being in the older women and more mature women. And her husband looks like he was so into her. And it just wasn't something that was creepy or weird or had to be made a whole, butt of someone's joke. It was just normal. And I thought that was amazing. But in north America, I feel like we have this anxiety constantly around our bodies.

Kristy Yee: 28:41

Totally. I know we talked about body positivity and how great of a movement that is. There is a new term called body neutrality, which is basically like saying let's just not give a fuck about what our bodies look like. Whereas body positivity in a way it's like, yes, you know, we're accepting of bodies of all shapes and sizes, but we're still putting a lot of emphasis on looking at people's bodies. You know what I mean? Whereas body neutrality, like when you were speaking about that woman in Spain, that to me is body neutrality in that society. Nobody gave a fuck no one's paying attention, you know? We're not looking at her boobs, like positivity to be like, woo, you go girl. Like you, keep that top off. Whereas body neutrality is just. It's not even, it's not even a subject think about her body. Why are we subjecting people's bodies as a topic, as a conversation topic?

Angie Yu: 29:33

Yeah. And that's the way it should be, like [Special Guest], for you the fact that you. have to think about how you are perceived as a woman. I think that relates a lot to the whole, how much does society care about women's body? How much does society care about what a woman does in their spare time? Like, I can't think of that many things that limit what men do in their spare time. Yeah.

[Special Guest]: 29:56

Right. talking to my friend about this tape again about the whole idea of professionalism, because I feel like for women, if there ever is like a breach of conduct, regard. External activities it's they posted pictures of themselves. And their vacation photos and they're wearing a bikini. So it's really revealing a lot of skin, for men, I don't hear the same thing for men. I feel like they're usually suspended or fired they are a pedophile, if they sexually assaulted someone or if they were really overtly, physically aggressive at a hockey game. So aggression being sexual, all those things tied back to things that we see as like, ideal male qualities. Anyway, but for women, it's like, there's a shame around it. Oh, you show too much skin. How could you, again, who are hurting when we show too much skin? I think that's the question. Like someone who's a pedophile assaulted assailant and aggressor. I see those being issues in society, but a person who shows too much skin, like damage, what trauma am I causing?

Angie Yu: 30:55

Yeah, exactly. What trauma are you causing really in, like you said, in contrast, if anything, you're showing, students like a good example of being a well-rounded person. honestly, like that's the thing in our culture as well. Like it's, it's not just Western. And when I say Western, I mean like British influence culture. Cause as much as we're Canada, our culture is still very similar to British culture. Same with Australians American and the Brits are like ridiculously conservative in their own minds.

[Special Guest]: 32:29

they are uptight.

Angie Yu: 32:30

very uptight, not unlike, our Chinese parents. what do your parents think about, like, what does your mom think about, your go-go dancing.

[Special Guest]: 32:38

So actually in prepare preparation for this episode, I was looking up some articles about Asian parenting and you know, how they deal with children. They're more of the fringe and for a lot of them that were really inspiring, they have these great conversations with their parents and they reconciled and they came to this place where they both accepted each other. for me, I haven't had that opportunity with my parents. So in order to keep our relationship viable and functioning, I just hide it still, just like I do with my job. It's like the only way, because mom is very religious, she's Catholic, and she's also incredibly conservative, even from a young age. I said earlier, she discouraged me from with makeup. Not just because it was a distracting for my studies. She just doesn't believe in it. She really beautified herself much either. Even though, like when she did the few times she looked great, but she just did not put a lot of value in it. And she felt like it was a detractor. So she just doesn't like it when I do it either. So told her I do modeling, but I don't show her many of the pictures. Sometimes my Instagram will be open and then some of the thirst traps will be open. Just like who's out. I'm like, oh no, it's just else's model. I'm just going to by slice line same thing with dance. This is the ongoing joke. So the first time I had a dance gig, I told her it was based on white lie because previously someone else in my dance group hired to do an Indian wedding. they were hired to be performers at the wedding. So every time I had to dance at a club, that's what I told her. There's a lot of Fiesta, new weddings happening in that summer. And every weekend from to 2:00 AM, you know, those parties just go on for a while. I mean go late, you know? so that, that's just what I've been doing. And I know it's not great, but given our relationship, it's like the only thing that works right now. So it is kind of sad that she can't get to know this side of me. And maybe this is like a cautionary tale for possible parents out there. It's like, you can have your expectations. Sure. But just realize will develop coping mechanisms. I mean, they may not be the healthiest ones in the end. You won't get to know all of them.

Angie Yu: 34:46

And I can tell, like, from the way that you speak about this, it's, it's not that you're hiding from your mom because there's negative tension between you two you're quote unquote, protecting her because you're doing that emotional labor for her so that she doesn't have to worry. And she does, it does. It's not something that gives her anxiety. And it is like, you know, in some cases, sometimes you can't just confront your mom, be like, Hey mom, here's all my shit. I'm just gonna throw it at you, deal with it. And that's, that's, sometimes part of our job as well as Chinese kids to just protect our parents feeling.

[Special Guest]: 35:21

Yeah, we have to do the work for them, I guess like, up until now I've always like pushed the envelope, just like, okay, can I tell her this? Or like the tattoos you might see? Um, I also hit for them for a while. And then one day it was just too hot in summer. I'm like, I can't wear these long sleeve shirts anymore and it came off and that's when they found out, I pushed the envelope, but there are just certain moments, even through conversation that I can tell her, my dad are not ready. Like they can't, they don't have the space, the energy. And you said it wasn't necessarily about avoiding negative tension. That's not entirely true because my mom is quite anxious and very, I guess a good way of calling. only way I can think of calling it now is controlling. So if I did bring up the modeling and the risky stuff, it would just be endless. I don't know if you guys speak Cantonese, but she would be very about it constantly. Very long-winded the time about it. So it's just for our relationship right now. We just don't need that. Maybe later when I'm older, maybe one day when I have kids maybe she'll have different frame of mind, but I know I'm a guest here, but can you both relate or how do you feel about the

Kristy Yee: 36:27

guests can ask us questions too. This is the conversation. It's all good. Ask us questions. I relate. There are, uh,

Angie Yu: 36:38

Oh, yeah. Chris Christie is like her relationship with her mom is very complex. Like I, I admire the way she balances. Let's say the way she balances the love and the hate. Maybe not hate the balance of the love and the annoyance.

Kristy Yee: 36:55

it's it's it's the nagging, it's the. You want to tell your mom something because they're your mom and you want to express the side of you and you want them to get to know you because I'm a fucking adult now. Right? So like, get to know me as an adult. So you want that kind of a relationship. I want that kind of relationship with my mom, but myself up and I am not saying this is the right thing to do this. There may be, unhealthy, but I anticipate how she is going to react. What are the things she's going to say, how long this conversation is going to be, right. how much emotional capacity do I have to have to deal with all this shit?

Angie Yu: 37:32

do I have time for this today? Let me just schedule it in.

[Special Guest]: 37:36

You calculate a deal, you have a little sort of scrap piece of paper, like, okay. So this is going to take 15 minutes. Nope, not today.

Kristy Yee: 37:44

I just run it all through my head. I'm like, okay, if I'm going to tell my mom about this thing, then she's going to respond by saying that dah, dah, dah, dah, she's going to be like, oh my gosh, you need to really be careful. You gotta like, you know, I don't even have an example in my mind right now, but sure, whatever, I'm going to tell her, she's going to, like, you're going to have to be, be careful. What are the neighbors going to say? Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? it's just going to go on and on and on. And I understand just coming from a place of care because she has traumas of her own. And it, our parents through a tough time as immigrants, new immigrant parents. And they don't have the tools and resources or the mental health knowledge to understand, you know, how to help us best. And this is the way that they can buy. Trying to care for us in that way, but the nagging and The Chung, Hey situation,

Angie Yu: 38:37

Oh my God. The Nang nagging.

Kristy Yee: 38:39

cannot deal. Right. I'm like, you know what? It's not worth it. It's not even worth having this conversation. I'm just going to move on. It's going to save her from anxiety, from worrying, because going to be like, oh, I can't sleep tonight because I know you're going to go out drinking and I'm gonna just gonna stay up all night. And that's that's anxiety that she has. I know she has to deal with it, but I also don't want to just her do that. And then I also don't want to hear her be like, oh my God, you have to be careful with your liver. She's going to have, it's going to be like, you're a girl. You can't go out and drink like that. Like, what are the boys going to say? You know what, if you get pregnant all, like it just spirals. It goes all over the place. Right. And be careful of like, you know, when you go out, make sure, you know, you just drink the drinks that you buy. And I understand, safety. We have to all protect. I'm a 30 year old woman,

Angie Yu: 39:25

that's, what I say to my mom a lot. The beginning of our arguments, like I am 30. Well, actually recently I haven't been getting into as many fights, but uh, back when, my last relationship ended, I had to keep saying like, mom, I am 28. am 28. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like I'm it was, yeah, like my mom has always been pretty open-minded a lot of my friends know this and like I think for Asian moms she's on the spectrum of close-mindedness and open-mindedness, she's a little bit closer to open-mindedness. The nagging and the controlling that all comes from place of good, gets too much.

[Special Guest]: 40:02

Totally.

Angie Yu: 40:03

it's just, it's something that we have to work through. And the biggest thing for me is trying not to emulate what she does in my personal relationships. Oh my God. I catch myself nagging my boyfriend, where we're doing something where my mom, like my mom gets super anxious when there's something coming up. So she's going to be like, oh, let's do this, let's do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. And instead of like doing it herself, she'll just tell me all about it. And then it makes me anxious. And I feel like I do that sometimes my boyfriend and I'm like, and then I'll step back and be like, oh my God, I'm being my mom. Oh my God, how do I stop this? And I haven't figured out how to stop it yet.

[Special Guest]: 40:39

Well, the first is acceptance.

Kristy Yee: 40:41

Recognition and acceptance. We're doing

[Special Guest]: 40:47

The one thing that I like to break out sometimes, and it does give my mom pause when she's the middle of nagging, is that, do you think yourself so incompetent as a parent, that you don't think you did a good. job in teaching me? So I know what to do in these situations. Do you trust yourself that little? honestly, I have to say. Even though I've messed up, I've gone drinking. I stayed out late. I partied and all of that stuff, I would say of all my friends, I would say I'm the co like the most cautious and careful one out of all of them. Like, you know, like, even If it's late night and I'm super drunk, I don't sit on a curve or at least I put on down a napkin before I sit on the curb. Right. Or like, you know, like now Covid like if I'm going out, I double mask. I don't take drugs for strangers. I make sure I have a contingency plan of I'm going to get wasted. Like I am really cautious. So my mom has taught me really well. And I think that's why the nagging hurts for us. It's that they don't see that we're doing all these things that we are capable and that the Navy has been affected. But if they need to stop, they don't to keep doing anymore.

Angie Yu: 41:48

Cause it feels like they don't trust us. Right.

[Special Guest]: 41:50

And, that's hurtful. Yeah. I think the part of it too. But I like the thing you said earlier, how our parents are doing the best they can and they probably just don't have the capacity. Like sometimes I envy some of my friends who were born here, like white friends where their parents university degrees and probably were already aware of therapy and mental health a lot. Well, before my parents did, cause my parents were hustling with two jobs, just trying to keep things afloat for us. So I'm a good thing that your parents are great for you, that your parents have gone to therapy already. I don't think mine will ever do. just not because of the money barrier, but because they can't wrap their heads around it and they don't have the space for it. And that's something that I had to yeah. Give grace for them.

Kristy Yee: 42:30

Sometimes we just have to accept that our parents are who they are for their reasons paths and for their experiences. And sometimes we can't change who they are. And as much as we try to reconcile with our parents and have a good relationship with them, Sometimes we also have to think about our own capacity as well, you know, and how much can we deal? So feel like, yes, we talk about communication on this podcast a lot and to have open communication. And I, I'm still a very firm believer, but there's just going to be something I'm just not going to tell my mom because I just cannot, I cannot deal.

Angie Yu: 43:08

Well, that's the thing I like communication is about maintaining a relationship. It's not about telling someone everything that's on your mind and everything that's in your life because it's impossible for someone, one person to know everything about. It's impossible for us to know everything about us like our, I think a lot of times people think of communication as telling somebody everything about you, which I've made the mistake of in the past. but really it's about like, Hey, this is this going to help our relationship or not help our relationship right now? Like, is this gonna give me the result? That would be good for both people. And then I think that's where the communication comes in. And I think that's why we hide things from our parents. And as much as we advocate to tell your parents and to talk to your parents about certain things, like there are shit that we don't tell mom.

[Special Guest]: 43:57

I love how came full circle. Yeah. very very smooth branding. Just like sneak it in there. but totally like selective communicators. We kind of have to be, I think what's going to be so interesting. I know I've her friends who already parents to see how they're going to turn out as parents, you know, knowing all the things they know now and how they'll interact with their kids. Cause I think at the end of the day, though I know having immigrant parents is such a different ballgame, I am really proud to come from immigrant parents. I think it's amazing. I honestly feel it's an advantage because you see the struggle, you know, and you can appreciate it. and also you're usually, or times you're bilingual and it's awesome because you get to gossip about other people and rather face it in another language. And that was something my parents were so big and, and instilling in me So yeah, I think if I had to choose again, I would still choose to have immigrant.

Angie Yu: 44:52

me

Kristy Yee: 44:52

wouldn't change my parents.

Angie Yu: 44:54

Yeah. Okay. I have a follow-up question. So. From the way you have spoken about your relationship with your mom, like, I don't know what the right word for it is. I don't know if it's like, you know, nowadays when people say woke, they mean like, oh, being aware of like social justice issues, but you know, like the original definition of being awake is like awakening from this robotic life of whatever being told them, being awake. It's like reaching for a higher self on blah, blah, blah. It It seems like you have this peace to you when you speak [Special Guest]. Like there's, I feel this like aura. see it cause you're, you're like on, on the video, but like, I just feel the sense of like inner peace. Oh my goodness. I'm like, come Fu Panda. Like just,

Kristy Yee: 45:41

yeah.

Angie Yu: 45:44

Like,

[Special Guest]: 45:44

is awesome. I have inner peace. What

Angie Yu: 45:46

Like,

[Special Guest]: 45:48

news for me? No, I'm

Angie Yu: 45:50

that's what it comes off like, like, yes, like there's confidence, but then there's also inner peace. You know what I mean? Like, some people are confident, but they're masking something. you're a confident, but it doesn't seem like you're masking anything like this is who you are. and just like I don't know, like is it, is it because you have so much things in your life that it has brought you to a place where you've had to reconcile those, those difficulties? maybe, I don't know. Have, have you had any mental health struggles leading to. Leading up to this

[Special Guest]: 46:24

I mean, I have been going to see a therapist for about a year, not super consistently, but here and there. And I know both of you are really big proponents of mental health and going to see therapy. I think that's really helped. And I think also the habit of going, even when there's nothing wrong, think that actually became a turning point for me. It's like, oh, I can still go. I used to go when I felt very heightened, very activated, very stressed. And I think even up to two years ago, I had some issues with some maybe relationships that weren't anything that I allow to perpetuates because I didn't know my boundaries. And that was focus for me for a long time. I think since overcoming that and knowing that I can do that and learning these great skills. Yeah. I'm pretty happy. I think happy with the life I've crafted so far. Like I was actually just driving the other day and I felt like I'm not a celebrity. I'm not like anyone famous or I don't have a lot of money, but I feel really content. Like if I were to go this point, I would feel like, yeah, I think I've done a lot of things. I'm proud of that. I pushed myself and I tried to help some people and I feel like I've been pretty good. So I guess that's kind of where I'm at. And I don't know if I really answered the question, but yeah, that's how I'm feeling these days,

Kristy Yee: 47:36

That is the fucking inner piece that Angie is talking about.

Angie Yu: 47:39

See in our piece, I can see it. I can see

[Special Guest]: 47:43

but I can't articulate. I like it. Yeah. It just good. I don't know

Kristy Yee: 47:47

fuck

[Special Guest]: 47:48

Yeah, it took a long time to get here for sure. I, I think even up to a year ago, I just remember feeling activated all the time. Actually. I do remember this one thing. okay. To bring up Spain again, because I was almost over and I need to do that one more time. Yeah. but I being there and I was in another, like maybe what do you call those ships? They're not really a relationship. They're just something. And it, it causes anxiety for person who cares more. And I just remember thinking, I'm this beautiful country. And I may not be back here for awhile. I'm worried about the stupid guy it's so stupid. Like, why am I doing this to myself? And I think has always been a core issue for me my late twenties or early, late twenties. And I thought like, I'm just going to stop. Like I want you when I'm too old hospital bed, I would think back to this moment and be, just have it be a really pure moment. And I don't want to be clouded by these horrible anxieties. So it's still something I work on, but I feel like, I always think back to that.

Angie Yu: 48:44

Hmm. That was like a very in the moment turning point ESC type of

[Special Guest]: 48:50

Yeah, I guess I I definitely when that happened, when that change happened for me.

Kristy Yee: 48:55

And most of the time when change comes, it is, it is a gradual thing. It's really hard to like pinpoint a pivotal event or, you know, you're like poof epiphany. I, that imagery that you mentioned about like being super old and lying in a hospital bed w w where, where, what would you be thinking? Where would you be thinking, what would you be thinking like your thoughts and feelings about, you know, your past. I do that quite a bit just like in life, not like every day, not like when I'm brushing my teeth and I'm like, what am I going to think about in this moment?

[Special Guest]: 49:26

when I'm again,

Kristy Yee: 49:28

But If If I'm traveling or if I feel like there's a difficult decision that I have to make, or if I feel like something is on my mind Or if I'm stressed out about a fucking work presentation, something as trivial as that, will think about how I would see the situation. If I was some 95 year old Asian woman in a bed, and I would try to do a little bit of reverse reflection and then usually I'd be like, Fuck it Yolo.

[Special Guest]: 49:55

it.

Kristy Yee: 49:57

But how do I get to that mindset? I think about the 95 year old Christie.

[Special Guest]: 50:02

Mm, yep. Because truly, even now at 33, I remember those moments briefly out in high school, and I had so much anxiety, this test that I had to pass whatever that I had to do and none of it bothers me now. And it won't do so in another 50 years, like, yeah, Yolo.

Kristy Yee: 50:18

Yes. Yes. Like the question is, does this matter even a year from now? Does this matter when I am 95? No, it does not. Fuck it. You know who cares if I fuck up in the presentation? Fuck it. This is going to be like five minutes. No, one's even going to remember it the next day. You know what I mean? Only I'm going to remember it so fuck it. Just do your thing if I'm like, oh, should I? Cause I'm moving to Toronto. Okay. I know. at the time I was like, should I move to Toronto in a fucking, in the middle of a global pandemic? Should I quit my job and like go to grad school at like, these are kind of bigger decisions. Right. And, And, it's hard to make these decisions. So one strategy would be like, okay, if I'm 95 and I think back to this moment, would I have wanted to take the leap and move to Toronto and quit my job and do all that? And I'm like, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, cause that would have mattered. That would change my life. I would be in a new place. I'm going to meet new people. I'm going to have different experiences. Right. I think, yeah, I want to go through with to go through with that. So the 95 year old Christy man, that's, our takeaway

[Special Guest]: 51:19

awesome. No, I love it. Yeah. big changes. Yeah. reverse engineer. It just like it's nice. I love also how the ages we picked you. You're like 95. I'm like 80.

Angie Yu: 51:31

Which one is more realistic. know.

[Special Guest]: 51:34

No, honestly, had this mentality where I want to be here too long. Like maybe this was a bit like I just feel like don't want to keep raising resources and all that stuff when I'm like, like a hundred and something. I don't know, like have a good life. I can tap out. I'm like I can dip out now. Like I'm

Angie Yu: 51:51

Yeah. I've got inner

[Special Guest]: 51:53

this up.

Angie Yu: 51:53

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. So basically in conclusion for our listeners, if you want inner peace, go to Spain.

[Special Guest]: 52:03

Yes, this is also an embedded travel commercial as been running in this

Angie Yu: 52:09

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, not to sound like a privileged millennial or anything, because a lot of us like Kristy goes on like shoestring, backpack, trips and you said yourself, like resources for hard to come by for a while in your life. So it's not like only rich people with silver spoons can travel. But I think one of the things about travel is that it puts you in a place where you have to make the decisions for yourself. There's nobody there telling you what to do. There's no guidebook while there are guide books, but you know what I mean? There's no guide book about. So you really have to make those decisions for yourself. It's when you make those decisions for yourself and you're like, Hey, I can make decisions. Like, so your confidence goes up and then you connect with your inner being and then you find inner peace, you know? Yeah.

[Special Guest]: 52:55

Yeah. And this comes this like self fulfilling prophecy. Like I did it last time. I can do it again and again, and again, it just keeps going.

Kristy Yee: 53:02

I think this is a good spot to, wrap up our conversation today. How are you

[Special Guest]: 53:06

Yeah, and good. I felt very, um, what's the word? Not saccharine, but just very like, oh, you know, I wanted to hug myself there. Yeah. This was definitely a great conversation. Thank you so much for having me. I had a lot of fun.. Yeah. I feel hopeful, optimistic and motivated.

Angie Yu: 53:24

That's so nice.

Kristy Yee: 53:25

I love that. Okay. Last question. What is one thing that you are currently doing right now for your own mental health?

[Special Guest]: 53:32

Oh, um, so I haven't been very good. I've been really busy cause I've been teaching summery school and, getting ready to move as well. So just been really busy. One thing that I've been trying to do is read more positive affirmations though. and that's been really helping and also just even little moments, to stop and just do the little like mindfulness exercises, just like take a step back. Okay. Like listen things I'm grateful for and why I'm grateful for them and how they improve my life. And just to be. Stopping somewhere. Like, I'm so glad that I can actually stand here and breathe in this era and feel strong and then go about the rest of my day. But do these moments come up enough? Nope, because I'm often too busy, but, um, it's what I'm striving to do.

Angie Yu: 54:17

Yeah. You have like seven different jobs, so,

[Special Guest]: 54:21

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 54:21

I love that, I also want to point out, like we don't have to be perfect. You know, we don't have to be doing a mindfulness meditation every day and then go to yoga after class. You know what I mean? Like that in itself is also really stressful, if we're trying to keep being, this person all the time, being this like perfect human and that definition of being a perfect human changes every year, that's based off of trends. What I really liked about that is just taking the moment of being mindful of just like, okay, I can hear the birds today. And then move on. You know what I mean? Thank you, [Special Guest]. Thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your story and just being so peaceful.

[Special Guest]: 55:00

Ah, thank you. You totally made my day, by the I'm like I have in

Kristy Yee: 55:05

can our listeners find you

[Special Guest]: 55:06

Oh yes. Okay. So for my with my friend, Paula, you can find us at the commie tea room for my personal Instagram page, if you want to keep all those there's traps, it's at of millennials. Oh, F M I L L E N I a L and I realized millennial spelled wrong. Don't come at me. I didn't know that at the time.

Angie Yu: 55:27

That's okay. We accept it. Acceptance, you know, move on.

[Special Guest]: 55:31

acceptance and recognition.

Angie Yu: 55:32

That's in recognition. That's right. Well, thank you so much for having us. I mean, no, thank you so much for being here. Can you tell I've had a really long work day and also in my studio, in my office, it's so hot that my hair has like, started to sweat. So

[Special Guest]: 55:48

Oh, I asked you it's really hot here. You're welcome. I loved every minute. I bet you, both have a great podcast and I can't wait to check out more of your episodes.

Angie Yu: 56:01

It's time for another field. Good feedback.

Kristy Yee: 56:04

I love how, like, it sounded like a recording, but I guess we are recording.

Angie Yu: 56:09

It's now time for another field. Good feet.

Kristy Yee: 56:14

So this one is from this one is from Lauren and they sent us a message on Instagram and they said, they're sad. They said, hi. Oh my gosh. Hi Christie. And Angie. I came across your guys' podcast yesterday and I love it. I think one of taboo subjects you guys should talk more about would be menstruation. Women are definitely treated. Like their bodies are disgusting, even though menstruation is highly natural and signals that everything is working like it should be. And the woman is healthy. Good luck you guys. I think that's a great idea. Let's talk about tampons.

Angie Yu: 56:46

Oh, my God, like speaking of, I have my period right now.

Kristy Yee: 56:49

Hm.

Angie Yu: 56:49

And, yeah, I think I talk about my period pretty openly, but I've had some pretty awkward moments like around a work. Where couldn't say so one example was, I had this horrible manager at my last job. He was like partially sexist and partially racist. Actually you can be partially say sexist Or partially racist. He was sexist and he was racist. but he tried very hard to be. Broey and cool. And like, everybody on my team was a guy except being this one other girl. And, anyway, so we decided to all go out for lunch to grab some, like donors on whatever from this food truck. And I was the only girl that went along. I got my food first and I was like, oh shit. I think I just got my period because I felt something leaking out. So immediately, like I had my pantyliner on obviously, but I was like, oh shit. Like I need to go back to the office and like, get a tampon. And then, so I was like, oh, I'm going to head back first. And he was like, why, why? And I was like, I didn't know what to say. It's not like, it could be like, I'm not feeling well, I have food in my hand. I'm just, like, ah, so I didn't really, like, he's like, oh, just wait for everybody. And I'm like, okay, fine. And then obviously when I got back, my underwear, my pants were both drenched and. And I'm just like, this is not something that men ever has to deal with. Like ever, what am I supposed to say? Hey, asshole. I'm menstruating. So leave me the fuck alone.

Kristy Yee: 58:14

or, or in a more calm manner, like he doesn't know what's happening. Right. Like he doesn't know what this is all. He just wants you to stay because it's lunch and like, you know, colleague get whatever. Right. And so I think what it is is we, as women are so, oh my gosh, this is like a fucking episode. Now this was like supposed to be feeling good to be back. One last thing. I think we, as women feel like we have to hide when we are menstruating. And so we feel uncomfortable talking about it because it's an uncomfortable subject to talk about. But when we hide these things, we kind of build up tension and then we get an envelope, you know, we can be emotional at the time. Right. So it feels like, oh my gosh, like just leave me the fuck alone. I just need to get my tampon and peace. Don't be all up in my face about this. I think that's a societal thing because we don't talk about demonstrating. think what would be great. It's like, yo, I have my period. I got head back up to the office first, let me like take care of stuff. And then their response is whatever their responses.

Angie Yu: 59:17

I, know, but it's so awkward because you have to work with them. And this was my

Kristy Yee: 59:20

I I would do it, but that's because I give no fucks.

Angie Yu: 59:26

also I think, because there's this like a pre-existing relationship between him and I, as in like, it was a very strange boss too. I don't know. Team person. He's like one of those types of guys that would be like, oh, they work for me instead of like, oh, they work with me kind of thing. So like, he was not the type of person. I would be like that with. But the other day I went to pitch and put with my current colleagues and I was put on a team with two dudes and they're both like everybody on my current firm is really nice because we're a small firm. Everybody ditched their corporate jobs to join a small firm. So everyone's very cool. and by cool, I mean, not cool, but like good people and not douchebags. So we were playing and I think by the time we got to the 12th hole, I was feeling pretty shitty cause I had my cramps so I was like, oh, you know what, guys, I'm gonna sit this one out. I'm pretty tired. They're like, oh, are you sure? I'm like, yay. I'm just gonna sit here. And they're like, okay. maybe next hole. I'm like, yeah. I'll I'll, I'll like, I'll just sit here until you guys go to the next. And like, those could have been two guys. I would've been like, oh, you know what? I have some cramps. I'm just going to sit down for a bit and they would have totally been okay with it. But I didn't take that opportunity because again, I've been in situations where like, I cannot talk about menstruation things with men, with,

Kristy Yee: 1:00:38

why

Angie Yu: 1:00:39

I don't know,

Kristy Yee: 1:00:40

well, why is because we're socially, we've been conditioned to do that, to not talk about it because it's like viewed as dirty and hush hush. Right. And it's embarrassing. So we, we don't, we don't want to put ourselves in an embarrassing situation. I think that's just like a human thing to protect ourselves. Cause you know, we all like to be liked. Thing is what we need to start changing in terms of conversation. Society is this isn't even something that you need to judge someone about. We feel shame and embarrassment because we think people are going to judge us, but it's a fucking ministration, a lot of women have it, and it is a natural thing. So why do we feel ashamed about a natural occurring thing that tells us our body is

Angie Yu: 1:01:19

yes. I mean, The history around it, but there should not be a

Kristy Yee: 1:01:23

this is a whole fucking

Angie Yu: 1:01:24

Maybe we should just, release

Kristy Yee: 1:01:25

are you going to, we're just going

Angie Yu: 1:01:26

What if, what if we release this as a bonus tidbit

Kristy Yee: 1:01:30

week. What we could do is, just record another episode and like, like actually record an episode about ministration. Cause it seems like we have a lot to talk

Angie Yu: 1:01:39

Oh, yes, yes we will. But not right now. Cause I'm hungry and on my period. so. I need to go eat.

Kristy Yee: 1:01:47

So look out for that. Everybody we're going to have an episode on menstruation.

Angie Yu: 1:01:51

All peace.