11. Imposter Syndrome and the Cyber-toothed Tiger

How do we find fulfillment in our day-to-day jobs? In this episode, Kristy and Angie talk about the career fog that many of us Millennials are trying to find a way out of as we grapple with imposter syndrome, quarter-life crisis, and the crippling fear of failure and social rejection. Added bonus of some ASMR and coochie-cleaning hacks.

Highlights: 

• Kristy attempts at SWDTM ASMR edition
• Imposter syndrome and chasing the non-existent “perfect job”
• Cyber-toothed tiger and fear of social rejection
• Nietschze and eat your fucking chips!
• Angie role plays with Kristy

Takeaway: 

• There is no perfect job and we need to look at both extern and internal factors to our dissatisfaction 
• Check in on yourself when you’re judging yourself and others
• We can’t control our feelings, but we can control our thoughts
• Work through the fear; practice exposure scenarios with friends and start small

Resources:

• The Imposter Syndrome (Video)
• Philosophize This! (Podcast)
• Angie’s Medium piece on life’s checklist (Article)
• Exposure Therapy for Anxiety (Article)

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Transcript

Kristy Yee: [00:00:00] testing one, two, three testing. Oh no, 

[00:00:03] Angie Yu: [00:00:03] those Torres Quatro. Cool. 

[00:00:07]Kristy Yee: [00:00:07] But what's his name? Pitbull. Is that who you're like, are you coding? Pippo no, worldwide. 

[00:00:13] Angie Yu: [00:00:13] I was just trying to speak Spanish, you know, he goes like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

[00:00:17]Kristy Yee: [00:00:17] Mr. Worldwide.   

[00:00:21] Angie Yu: [00:00:21] We are recording. 

[00:00:22]  Kristy Yee: [00:00:45] You know, we are on episode 11 and actually, I shouldn't even say 11, 

[00:00:50] Angie Yu: [00:00:50] hold on. Let me close the door.

[00:00:52]Kristy Yee: [00:00:52] I'm going to take this opportunity I really want to hear what that sounds like.

[00:01:06]Are we 

[00:01:07] Angie Yu: [00:01:07] going into shit? We don't tell mom ASM our addition now. 

[00:01:10] Kristy Yee: [00:01:10] Oh yes. We need to have SIDA.

[00:01:15]Oh, 

[00:01:16] Angie Yu: [00:01:16] my God, I don't want,  Oh, that was a close one. 

[00:01:19] Kristy Yee: [00:01:19] Have you ever had bubbles come out of your 

[00:01:21] Angie Yu: [00:01:21] nest before? We 

[00:01:21] Kristy Yee: [00:01:21] fucking, really nice in, I mean

[00:01:26]it's painful. Yes. It kind of goes up into your eyeballs a little bit too, and then it just stings. Right. But yes, it's an enjoyable sting. No, 

[00:01:36] Angie Yu: [00:01:36] it's not. I know, does anybody else find snorting bubbles up your nose enjoyable? If so, I think I have found your soulmate here. 

[00:01:45]Kristy Yee: [00:01:45] it feels like cleansing, you know, when you do those like power scrub bubbles, and you put it down your drain and it goes like butter, you know, or like flossing for your teeth before your nose, 

[00:01:56]Angie Yu: [00:01:56] you can also do that with the neti pot, with like, Non bubbly.

[00:02:00] Kristy Yee: [00:02:00] No, those don't feel good, but 

[00:02:02] Angie Yu: [00:02:02] the 

[00:02:02] Kristy Yee: [00:02:02] pain of bubbles is so bad. It feels good when you're purposely trying to shoot water up your nose. That's the worst shit ever. It's not, it's not the funds. 

[00:02:11] Angie Yu: [00:02:11] It's not, it's not, but neither is the bubble 

[00:02:14] Kristy Yee: [00:02:14] yet, but that's like, it's a surprise. 

[00:02:19] Angie Yu: [00:02:19] Okay. I think I know what Christie's than to 

[00:02:21] Kristy Yee: [00:02:21] surprises.

[00:02:23] Yeah. 

[00:02:24]Angie Yu: [00:02:24] All right. should we get on with our episode? 

[00:02:26]okay.

[00:02:26] Kristy Yee: [00:02:26] Probably. 

[00:02:27] Yeah.   So today, I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk about shower heads, shower heads. I do want to talk about shower heads. Cause so before we started recording, 

[00:02:41] Angie Yu: [00:02:41] Kristi asked me, do you prefer handheld shower heads or the fixed one?

[00:02:44] And I'm like handheld pens down handheld, like. How else are you going to clean your butt and your coochie? 

[00:02:50]Kristy Yee: [00:02:50] It makes a lot of sense because I used to have a handheld. Yeah. So nice. Cause you can bring it down there and you can do forward, backwards, sideways. You got to clean all around. You know, 

[00:03:02]but now I have a fixed shower head. That doesn't do the handheld thing. So I have to bend over and put my leg up and, you know, your ass cheeks, open my ass cheeks and like, like really arched back. So you 

[00:03:16] Angie Yu: [00:03:16] can position 

[00:03:18] Kristy Yee: [00:03:18] the water so that I can clean myself properly.

[00:03:22] And I have that it's, you know, it's like fucking acrobatics. Yeah. 

[00:03:25] Angie Yu: [00:03:25] I relate. I mean, like when you go to a nice hotel, Or just not even nice hotel, any Airbnb it's like they don't want their shower head to be up in your butt and your coochie. 

[00:03:32]Kristy Yee: [00:03:32] No, 

[00:03:35] Angie Yu: [00:03:35] hygenic commands for 

[00:03:36] Kristy Yee: [00:03:36] hygiene. Fuck. I never thought about that.

[00:03:38] Angie Yu: [00:03:38] Well, think about how gross it would be. I think I pretty sure it's also like for hygiene, but you think about gross, it's so close to that. Somebody else's like private 

[00:03:48] Kristy Yee: [00:03:48] growth have never thought about. That is the reason why people don't use those types of showerheads. 

[00:03:54] Angie Yu: [00:03:54] Yeah, because it's gross.

[00:03:56]Anyway. So my hack, when I'm at like hotels and Airbnbs is I use like a face towel and I use it like a loofa. 

[00:04:03]Kristy Yee: [00:04:03] Okay. 

[00:04:03] Angie Yu: [00:04:03] So that way I don't have to bend over with 

[00:04:05]Kristy Yee: [00:04:05] me. Okay. So get our face towel, like, you know, wet it, put some soap on it and then like rub yourself on it. 

[00:04:13]Angie Yu: [00:04:13] Well, rub it on yourself. 

[00:04:16] Kristy Yee: [00:04:16] there's no good way for us to use it.

[00:04:18] Angie Yu: [00:04:18] See, you're very Randy today. 

[00:04:21] Kristy Yee: [00:04:21] What's Randy. 

[00:04:22]Angie Yu: [00:04:22] Well, it's a person's name, but it also means like erotically charged. 

[00:04:27]Kristy Yee: [00:04:27] I wonder what that's saying. I woke up feeling super anxious today though. So I didn't wake up all like horny shower, head, you know, rub some loofa on my coochie type thing. I woke up feeling like super anxious, heart racing, chest clenched.

[00:04:42]And I started to notice that I wake up feeling more like that after I've had really intense dreams. Usually it's when I'm being chased.

[00:04:51] I'm noticing is that when I do have a really intense dream where there's a lot of adrenaline and anxiety and like fight or flight mode, Then I wake up fight or flight mode makes sense because your brain is going through the same chemicals. So when you wake up, you still feel those things, but they linger the whole day.

[00:05:05] So it doesn't just like. Poo and then it dissipates. Right. and then the other thing is when I wake up, I don't just like, boom, wake up. I slowly wake up. Then I'm in and out of my dream, you know? And when I'm in and out of my dream, I start thinking about all the other things in my real life. If that's making me anxious, that's tied back into those fight or flight feelings.

[00:05:30]So today I woke up and I thought, I'm like, Oh fuck, I have a presentation to do for work tomorrow. And I forgot to print it, the slides for myself. And I'm like, fuck, well now I don't have those as backup. And then I'm like, fuck, I actually didn't practice the presentation. And I'm like, shit. But then I don't have time to practice tomorrow cause I have all these back to back meetings tomorrow. So I don't, you know, so then those thoughts kept coming in and out of my dream while I was about to wake up and then finally it gets so much that I just wake up and then I'm like, okay, now I have to deal with all these things.

[00:06:00] And I think of all those things that on top of, you know, everything with my lane way and all that. So I woke up feeling super anxious and super heavy and I'm like, okay, well this is not the first time. It will go away. I'm just going to have to deal. It's just a shitty way of starting the day.

[00:06:14]I also had counseling therapy today, And I decided to talk about that today, just in passing, she was like, how are you doing? I'm like, yeah. Not, not the greatest because of blah, blah, blah.

[00:06:26]and then something that I mentioned was oftentimes I would wake up feeling really anxious about going to work. Or like being in bed and you're like, I just, I don't want to, like, I don't want to get out of my bed. I don't want to go to work. I'm super anxious. I don't want to talk to all these clients or I don't want to walk in and see all my colleagues and have to make conversation, whatever it is.

[00:06:52]I get that feeling often. And the thing is. It's not just this job. It's every single fucking job I've ever had since I was 15. So what's up with that? Whew. 

[00:07:04]Angie Yu: [00:07:04] Well, first of all, I have goosebumps. Why? 

[00:07:06]Kristy Yee: [00:07:06] Because I think it's such a relatable 

[00:07:08] Angie Yu: [00:07:08] feeling. 

[00:07:09]Kristy Yee: [00:07:09] Is it? Yeah. Cause I feel like I'm fucked up.

[00:07:12] Cause how is it that okay. If it's one job then, okay. Maybe that job's not right for you. Like, you're just, you don't love this industry or, you know, the position is not for you. You should do something else, but it's every single job that I've ever had. And a lot of the jobs that I've had third, not the same jobs.

[00:07:32]And what I have been noticing is I'm trying to find common factors between these jobs. So my first job is like fucking working at a concession stand at the P and which is the Pacific national exhibition, like a, like a carnival affair. So I'm like flipping burgers and shit. Right. And like being a cashier and they're all different.

[00:07:52]I can see commonalities. They're all service-based. Yeah. Even the job that I'm doing today, they're all, service-based . They're people oriented, like I'm around people a lot. So I started to think maybe I do better in a job where I'm not with people all the time. And I've talked about this before, too, because I mentioned that I'm an extrovert or I identify as an extrovert because.

[00:08:16]I really need time to recharge when I'm by myself introvert, Oh my God, 

[00:08:21]Angie Yu: [00:08:21] Freudian 

[00:08:23]Kristy Yee: [00:08:23] slip

[00:08:27] introvert, I need to recharge. And when I'm with people, 

[00:08:33] Angie Yu: [00:08:33] all the, to be fair, even extroverts need to recharge. Like everybody needs to 

[00:08:37] Kristy Yee: [00:08:37] recharge from my understanding, the definition. Not definition, but some of how people, differentiate introvert and extrovert is that extroverted people, they need to recharge, but they recharged by being with people rather than like being by themselves when they're by themselves, they're actually expending more energy.

[00:08:56] And when they're with people, that's when they recharge and then for an introvert, it would be the opposite. So they're fine with hanging out with people. It's not like, you know, they're. Shy and antisocial. It just means that when they are with people, it takes a lot of energy. So they need to be by themselves to regain that energy back.

[00:09:17] And I feel like a lot of times, aye, I'm like, Oh, work. I don't want to deal with people. I don't want to talk to pay by. And it's causing so much of this anxiety is because the nature of all of the jobs I've done is very people oriented. Like I'm with people. Throughout the whole shift. 

[00:09:37]Angie Yu: [00:09:37] What about those work days you have, where you don't have to talk to any clients at all, and you were just working on your laptop by yourself?

[00:09:44] Kristy Yee: [00:09:44] Yup. I feel so much better. I love those days. I couldn't even just sit down in front of my laptop and just do the things I need to do. Like bang out the reports, make the presentation, do the research, right?  I actually enjoy. That. Hmm. You can't do that all the time.

[00:10:00] I will be bored as fuck. Yep. So I think I need to have some sort of a healthy balance. So, so the external things that I started to notice as I'm reflecting, like why is it that every single day job that I've had, I ended up hating. Every single one of my jobs and it all comes from me starting to feel these levels of anxiety.

[00:10:21] So whether it's waking up and like thinking, Oh, I don't want to go to work. Cause they don't wanna talk to people. Or it's even like putting on that uniform and thinking, getting onto the bus and go into the P and E okay. I'm like, Oh, I don't want to put on this uniform and get on the bus and like, go, it's the same feeling from 15 to now, 29.

[00:10:39] And so. I'm thinking why, and these are some of the things that I've identified. then what my counselor was telling me, they're like, yeah, this is really great. You're reflecting, but they're also external things and it could be external related things. It totally could be. And that I just need a job where I can find that balance and I'll feel good, but it could also be an internal thing.

[00:11:03]And I'm like, why the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? You're nodding. So I'm like, okay, , let's hear some of this. 

[00:11:13]Angie Yu: [00:11:13] Well, my thoughts about jobs and everything. And like so when I got goosebumps, I was like, this is so relatable because I have those feelings. Like all the time and same thing I've been working since I was 16.

[00:11:23] My first job was at Starbucks, very, very, you know, facing people . And actually what I enjoy the most was  when I don't have to talk to anybody and I was just making the drinks and I was fucking fast too. So like the more drinks there was like lined up the faster I would work because I work better under pressure,  but then I couldn't do that all day.

[00:11:43]Because it's just exhausting. And right now my job is mostly sat by myself, you know, hashing over reports, calculating spreadsheets. It's funny because we're in completely different industries, but You know, at the end of days, like reports, especially 

[00:11:59]Kristy Yee: [00:11:59] et cetera. That's how life works.

[00:12:02] That's how society works. It's all spreadsheets. 

[00:12:06] Angie Yu: [00:12:06] Yeah. just information information. Everyone's so obsessed with information data.  sorry. I digress. So I've had the same feelings about all my jobs. Like I always end up hating them. It was easier when the jobs were things like working on Starbucks, we're working at a concession stand because you.

[00:12:22] No you've outgrown the job. So you're moving on to the next thing. And it was easier to accept that and being like, well, I've outgrow my part time job at Starbucks. I'm going to university. Now I'm going to get a different job. but I think when we're adults  it's hard to tell when you've outgrown a job.

[00:12:36]And when I was really depressed, Like same thing every day I will wake up just to be like, Oh, I don't want to go to work. I would use up all my sick days, and I would always be late. and that was when, you know, people started to notice that something was wrong.

[00:12:49]consistent tardiness, I think is a sign. Right. I couldn't get out of bed. I just like, didn't want 

[00:12:55] Kristy Yee: [00:12:55] to 

[00:12:55] Angie Yu: [00:12:55] go to work. And I lived like 15 minutes away from work and I didn't even want to walk to work. I would take the sky train to work from stadium to Berard, like ridiculous thinking back to it, but I just had no energy.

[00:13:07] Kristy Yee: [00:13:07] That's two stops by the way. 

[00:13:09] Angie Yu: [00:13:09] That's 9:00 AM in the morning and I would have zero energy to go to work. so I thought it was a job. I was like, you know what? I think it's the job. Job is not for me. I'm going to move on, go to my current job, I'm like, yeah, you know what? It's a, longer commute and I'm gonna do all these different things to all my community.

[00:13:26] I'm going to be like, excited about it. And then the same thing happens again. And I'm like two weeks into the job and I don't want to go to work and I don't want to do anything. And obviously I wanted to quit again. Cause I'm like, it's the job. But I'm like, I've literally just started. I can't quit now.

[00:13:40] Like I got to push through at least a year. Right. And I did that. And about a year and a half after my current job, I, you know, I went on my leave. I had my breakdown. I was diagnosed with depression and. It's something that, you know, my therapist and I had to work on getting me back to work. And I kept saying things like, I don't want to go to work.

[00:13:59] I don't want to go to work. I think I should quit. And she's like, what is it about this job that you don't like What is this job not giving you that another job can give you? And I was like silent, because again, she's at the same thing. She's like, it's external. She didn't say external.

[00:14:17] She's like, do you think like, it's the job? she had just kept asking you questions and I, until I went, ah, I'm thinking it's the job when it's me. 

[00:14:24] Kristy Yee: [00:14:24] Yeah. So when I was talking to my counselor, I feel like very similar. Like, I mean, they're all, you know, they're trained to help us reflect. Right?

[00:14:35] Correct. And it's not to say that these external factors aren't attributing to it. Cause it totally could be, this is just the wrong job for you. Or like, I shouldn't like maybe I shouldn't even be in the service industry. Cause that's all I know I've only worked in service industries. And her encouragement was when I feel these things to not right now, I'm recognizing them.

[00:14:57] Right. It's like Christie, you're feeling anxious about ABCD because of X, Y, Z. Right. Because I don't want to go to the job and I'm feeling anxious and I'm feeling like all this stuff. Yeah. Okay. You're recognizing that, but let's go another level deeper. What is it? That you are actually feeling, first of all, like, you know, where is it that your muscles are tense?

[00:15:18] You know, how fast is your heart going? Is your, is your chest clenching? You know, how is your breathing? So check in with those physical things and then check in internally. Like, what are the thoughts going through my head right now, as I'm feeling this. What is it about going to see my clients? What is it about talking to my colleagues that makes me so anxious and so nervous.

[00:15:47] And then immediately I told her I'm like a hundred percent imposter syndrome. Right now, that's what it is for this current job. I don't want to do I talk to my clients and I dread talking to them because I feel like I'm not bringing value to them. I feel like who am I, you know, to be doing this? And they're coming to me as an expert, as a professional.

[00:16:09] And I don't feel like I'm qualified to be able to help them during the call.  it's fine. Right. And after the conversation, I get great feedback from my clients. But before that I'm like, Oh God, you know, and that's the feeling of dread and that's, what's causing the anxiety for that particular task in my job.

[00:16:34]And what's interesting later on in the conversation was I told my counselor every single job that I've ever had since graduating have all been contract positions and you know, this. the thought about me taking on a permanent full time job with an indefinite date is so, so scary for me because it feels like I'm settling.

[00:17:01] It feels like I'm being complacent and it just, I need an end date to look forward to and what she told me afterwards, but something I haven't thought about. Was that imposter syndrome comes when you are new at something, when you don't give yourself enough time to build that confidence and that level of expertise.

[00:17:22] But if you're jumping from job to job, then I'm always going to be new. Every single job, like I'm always new. And then another thing is, am I seeking these contract positions? Because if I stay long enough, then I'll feel like. My imposter illness will be exposed. And that's why I'm saying contract position, because I stay there, you know, first few months you're new.

[00:17:50] So it's all good. Right. Then afterwards, you don't have that excuse anymore. So internally start to feel nervous and get anxious about it. The job, even though I'm still performing well, then I get to leave at the end of the year and then no one will ever know that I've been an imposter this whole time.

[00:18:06] And I jumped from job to job. And so the imposter syndrome, not only is it. Feeding into why I'm going from job to job, but it's also the reason why I'm going from job to job Like the cyclical effect, which is. I don't know what, like this all just came up this morning, right? Like I'm like, Whoa.

[00:18:29] Okay. Okay. I still want to do contract jobs, but I just, I didn't think that I do contract jobs to avoid being quote, unquote exposed as an imposter, but I still, I continue to feel like an impostor because I'm not allowing myself to stay at a job for more than a year. And if I don't stay in a job for more than a year, then obviously you're not going to feel like an expert at anything.

[00:18:53] And then obviously you're gonna feel like an imposter. So what is this? This is like a crazy vicious cycle then. 

[00:19:01] Angie Yu: [00:19:01] Yep. And I know what you mean. 

[00:19:05]Kristy Yee: [00:19:05] Like I know exactly what you 

[00:19:06] Angie Yu: [00:19:06] mean. 

[00:19:07] Kristy Yee: [00:19:07] That's the, that's the funny thing is I know exactly how you 

[00:19:10] Angie Yu: [00:19:10] feel because I felt the exact same on my last job. I mean, I still feel the same on my current job.

[00:19:16]but me thinking back, like, why did I quit my last job? I was scared of being exposed, but exposed by what I was literally the expert on my job. Like my manager at the time literally was like I'm sorry, I don't really have that many touch base points with you. It's because I trust him.

[00:19:32] Do you? And I know that, you know your stuff really well. And I was like, I don't know if he's just saying that or like, whatever, and I don't know why I can't accept a compliment, but I'm just like, but I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. 

[00:19:43] Kristy Yee: [00:19:43] Ah, can't accept a compliment. I feel like that's a whole other thing though, but how true is that when someone's like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much for helping me or, Oh, Andrew, you did a really great job today.

[00:19:55] Yeah. And you're like in your head, 

[00:19:57] Angie Yu: [00:19:57] I'm like, no, I didn't. 

[00:19:59] Kristy Yee: [00:19:59] The first thing I would think about is think about all the things that I didn't do well. And like, are you just saying this to be nice to me? Like, I think about like, what is the motive? Like, what are you trying to, or are you saying this? Because like I did such a shitty job and you just wanted me to feel better, you know?

[00:20:11] And so I come up with all these excuses as to why they're giving me a compliment and then I can't just accept it as what it is, which is a genuine compliment, but it's so hard to. Except that 

[00:20:23]Angie Yu: [00:20:23] I think it probably has to do with self worth because we grew up in a society where society tells us we are not enough and that we need to improve ourselves. It's like the way we look as not good enough. So we need to keep buying beauty products the way we, dresses not well enough. That's why we have to keep shopping. the way we just physically is never enough.

[00:20:45] And that's why we got to keep contributing to the cycle of capitalism and. You know, I'm speaking from a very like big picture perspective. But I think a lot of it comes down to self worth because we'd never think that what we have currently is enough.

[00:20:59] Our expertise currently is not enough to do our job. 

[00:21:03]Kristy Yee: [00:21:03] You mentioned what society tells us and you also mentioned, we think it's not enough. I'm going to take it a step back and not look at it from a Southworth perspective, but from like, A millennial perspective. So we're told, yeah, we're told in our generation, I'm told we are, I can't say a week where we can do whatever the fuck we want.

[00:21:23] Right. We can do whatever the fuck we want. We can chase their dreams, do your passion and your dream job, all of that stuff. Now, when we get into  our jobs after university, we get our like good jobs that pay well that have benefits that our families. Could now be like, okay, we've made it, you know?

[00:21:41]but then we're not satisfied because it doesn't hit all those check marks. The confetti didn't explain it and was like, this is my dream job. Like I have fulfilled my passions now. I feel like great reality is that's not the case. So many of us, I think. Are in these great jobs that meet all of our parents' expectations, but it doesn't meet what we've been fed, which is this idealized picture of how perfect our jobs can be, because we were told that we can achieve that.

[00:22:13] And when we achieve that, then everything's going to be like happy ever after, but it's not because then it's not this like amazing, fulfilling, passionate thing that we're doing every day. And so then. We continually keep seeking jobs that will try to fulfill that . Does that make sense, like this perfect career that we've been told that we can achieve, but none of the jobs that we're in are perfect.

[00:22:39] Cause that's just real life. There's no such thing as perfect, but we keep trying to chase it. At least I am. So I keep leaving my jobs and getting new ones because I'm trying to be like, you know, I need more fulfillment. I need to make a bigger impact. You know, I need to feel this burning passion of like working hard and helping people at the same time and like seeing unicorns and rainbows and glitter and.

[00:23:03]And I want a coffee bar and I also want, you know, unlimited beer access in my office. And I want like, you know, two hour yoga sessions and flex time. And. Those are all great things, but we keep seeking more and more of these things. And that it reminds me of how you were saying, like society tells you one thing and then you keep seeking more of it, whether that be beauty expectations, or career expectations.

[00:23:29] And we're fed that the career expectation is this beautiful idealized, Google office. 

[00:23:36] Angie Yu: [00:23:36] That's right. I mean, Yeah. Wow. I'd like to work 

[00:23:40] Kristy Yee: [00:23:40] at Google though, you know, it's just FYI and y'all hiring. No. They have pool tables and nap rooms. That's all external. So, which is what we're told that we should be chasing.

[00:23:51] So as, as a fellow millennial, I want some of that shit. 

[00:23:55] Angie Yu: [00:23:55] Yeah. And I was chasing that before, too. Like I was upset at my last job because one of the other teams had access to a nap room and we didn't, and I'm like, what the fuck? That's not fair and fair. It's just like, I don't, it's just, this is such a difficult topic because we know nothing.

[00:24:13] We're both stuck in this career fog, 

[00:24:17] Kristy Yee: [00:24:17] but how many of us are stuck? Probably all of us. I feel like listener right now. If you can relate in some way, feeling stuck in your career. And feeling like you didn't hit the career jackpot, please send us a DM or something and let us know if are we alone in this world?

[00:24:39] I feel like we're not. 

[00:24:42] Angie Yu: [00:24:42] And I don't think our parents were either. So like in my recent medium post, I was kind of reflecting on life and et cetera. And I was like, you know, like, what is life like? There's this checklist. 

[00:24:56]  So I don't think this fog that we have this quarter life crisis, that's very, very prominent for our generation. Is anything new? It's nothing new. It's just been shifted because we grow into society. We grow up. We come out of our mom's vagina. And from that moment on, we are being shaped by people who understand the world, the way society understands the world.

[00:25:23] And then they try to make sure that we're adjusted to society. So for our parents, for them, it was like, Not all of them, but especially for the ones who grew up here in Canada and the ones who are from a more privileged background in China or wherever else in the world, it was like they had to graduate, you know, go to school, go to high school, go to college, or maybe university.

[00:25:43] They had To get married, buy a house, buy a car, have some kids. Right. And their thing. is the midlife crisis because that's when their kids are 18 years old and they move out and now all of a sudden they're like, what the fuck do I do now? 

[00:25:57] Kristy Yee: [00:25:57] They already fulfilled the checklist. That's right. And they're like, okay, well, what the heck?

[00:26:00] What about what's? What's the, 

[00:26:02] Angie Yu: [00:26:02] what is life? What is life? They have a midlife crisis and they buy like a Harley Davidson. And I don't know, like take up yoga and share, like my mom became a Yogi. But for us, like not all of us, like first of all, we're millennials, we cannot afford a house. A lot of us don't want kids.

[00:26:20] So that looming midlife crisis that our parents experience arrives two decades early for us. Right. That's why we have a quarter life crisis, because we know for a fact that we no longer have to buy a house and we no longer have to have kids. That's that's no longer something that society is like, Hey, you have to do this.

[00:26:38] But we still went to school. We graduated, we found jobs because society was like, you have to do this. And our parents were like, you have to do this. So we're like, okay, we'll do it. And then we do it. And now we're like, what the fuck do we do with our life? 

[00:26:49] Kristy Yee: [00:26:49] Makes sense. Makes sense. Because what you're saying is that we're all just given this checklist, this checklist was written by society.

[00:26:55] Our parents, their checklist was longer. That's why they hit their life crisis later on, because it took them longer to complete this checklist for us. We look at this checklist and we're like, ah, we don't need all of this stuff on our list. We still have a list, but it's a lot quicker for us to complete this list.

[00:27:15] And then once we're finished with the list, we're like, now what, what the fuck? Exactly. 

[00:27:18] Angie Yu: [00:27:18] Exactly. Especially for those of us who live , you know, in metropolitan cities, on the coast and very progressive, Neighborhoods and stuff like that. We know like our list doesn't have to be that long. It doesn't have to be as long as our parents, because we're like, Oh, like we're millennials and we have a new way of life.

[00:27:33] No, we don't. Everything is just a repeat of like, I'm sorry, but we're not that unique. We're not everything that we go through. Our parents went through our previous generations have. Gone through, but the external things look different, but the crisis, the crisis is there. And that's why I'm so into philosophy because philosophy and religion comes into people's life at a time when they're like, what the fuck am I doing here?

[00:27:56]What is the meaning of life? Every single human being goes through this, you know, if they live long enough to encounter this crisis and philosophy is ancient, and this is a human thing. So. If we want to look at it from a practical perspective, you know, to make our current life better than, yes, we do have to look at the external things.

[00:28:15] Like, is this the right job for me? Am I in the right industry? What do I need from my job to make my life easier? But the internal thing is to just, and that's why that's why therapy, you know, our therapists can't tell us what to do because they don't know either. But like you said, they can help us reflect and.

[00:28:33]Yeah. I mean, we don't know what the fuck we're here and the reason why I get so depressed sometimes and why sometimes I get so bogged down by this fog is I'm like, Oh, another day, the same shit, the same job. Like where is this taking me is just like cruising to death. 

[00:28:50]Kristy Yee: [00:28:50] No, no, 

[00:28:52] Angie Yu: [00:28:52] no. I know that's like really, really depressing, but I'm not saying that from a dark perspective, like, that's literally, we are here until we die, but we do these checklist things because 

[00:29:03] Kristy Yee: [00:29:03] it gives us something to do before we die.

[00:29:05] Exactly. And 

[00:29:06] Angie Yu: [00:29:06] also that's how you can properly fit into society and function in society and like, just be part of a society. 

[00:29:14] Kristy Yee: [00:29:14] And we've talked about how important it is for people. For us to want to be liked and for us to want to be accepted into a community. And that's why it's important, you know? And that's why we do these things so that we do conform and there's in a way like, you know, in human nature, that's what we need.

[00:29:32] So we don't get eaten by the siber-toothed ta-tager 

[00:29:35] Angie Yu: [00:29:35] the cyber toothed It's no longer saber-toothed we're in 2020 where everything digital, it's a CYBER-toothed Tiger cyber tooth, you know, what's the new cyber-toothed tiger. 

[00:29:51] Kristy Yee: [00:29:51] What 

[00:29:52] Angie Yu: [00:29:52] instead of a saber-toothed tiger picking us off from the herd. Now it's a social rejection. 

[00:29:58] Kristy Yee: [00:29:58] Oh my God. 

[00:29:59] Angie Yu: [00:29:59] that's why we have Instagram and we try to be a certain way on Instagram because social rejection is now the equivalent of being killed by a saber tooth tiger.

[00:30:08] So cyber tooth tiger. Boom,   boom shit. We don't tell mom dropping philosophy also. Like I'm, I'm in a very philosophical mood. I mean, I'm always like, 

[00:30:38] Kristy Yee: [00:30:38] yeah. I'm like, please, please. Angie, why don't you not in a philosophical mood. Every single episode philosophy. But you're right. It makes sense.

[00:30:47] The reason why philosophy exists, the reason why religion exists is to give answers to questions that don't actually have answers to, but it, they, they give right. A good enough answer to comfort people, to understand a little bit more about life, because otherwise it is just, we live in breathe and then we die.

[00:31:05] Right. What is the point? I don't know if we're ever going to find out the meaning of life and the purpose of life, right? We will individually throughout our journeys, figure that for ourselves. 

[00:31:17] Angie Yu: [00:31:17] That's right. And when I ask people like literally a few months ago, when I was just like, what is the point of all this?

[00:31:23] I literally messaged everyone on WhatsApp and was like, what do you think the meaning of life is? And people are just like, it's 2:00 PM on a Wednesday and I'm like, no, I don't, it doesn't matter. Just tell me, what do you think the life of the meaning of life was? And most people's answer was there is no meaning to life.

[00:31:40] You have to find your own meaning and I'm like, damn, I have some wise ass 

[00:31:43] Kristy Yee: [00:31:43] friends. Hello, dust off the shoulders. 

[00:31:50] Angie Yu: [00:31:50] And, okay. So, I mean, I was listening to my philosophy podcast this week. 

[00:31:55] Kristy Yee: [00:31:55] What's your philosophy podcast. 

[00:31:56] Angie Yu: [00:31:56] It's called philosophize this, 

[00:31:58] Kristy Yee: [00:31:58] okay. Yeah. It's going in the show notes. And 

[00:32:00] Angie Yu: [00:32:00] the episode was listening to was , which is the guy who's like Nigel, it's an Alison Nietzsche, like sure.

[00:32:07] Anyway, so his thing is like a lot of people misunderstand Nietzsche. they think that if you like niche, then you're like a really depressed person and you don't give a shit about anything because that's like 

[00:32:16] Kristy Yee: [00:32:16] is there like an existentialism type thing. 

[00:32:18] Angie Yu: [00:32:18] I think every philosophy, every core philosophy or philosophic philosophizer 

[00:32:24] Kristy Yee: [00:32:24] level of level 

[00:32:25] Angie Yu: [00:32:25] philosophizer philosophy.

[00:32:29] Kristy Yee: [00:32:29] Wow. 

[00:32:30]Angie Yu: [00:32:30] Wow. 

[00:32:32] Kristy Yee: [00:32:32] Ah, yeah. 

[00:32:33]Angie Yu: [00:32:33] It's 

[00:32:34] Kristy Yee: [00:32:34] okay. We're millennials. We don't actually need words. You know, we have Grammarly and we have Microsoft word that will tell us what the correct word is. 

[00:32:42] Angie Yu: [00:32:42] Yeah, so neat. Jay he's like, I mean, he's like more than a philosopher. He's also a poet and a composer and a political theorist.

[00:32:50] Kristy Yee: [00:32:50] What is his philosophy? 

[00:32:53] Angie Yu: [00:32:53] I can't, 

[00:32:54] Kristy Yee: [00:32:54] I mean, it up in like two sentences. 

[00:32:56]

[00:32:56] I'm Lindsay, the philosophy, my God, 

[00:32:58] Angie Yu: [00:32:58] this is like, I mean, okay. Like I only got into him recently. Right. So, so don't take my word for it. But 

[00:33:07] Kristy Yee: [00:33:07] what does Wikipedia say? That's. See now it's not your words. It's it's wikis words. It's wikis word.

[00:33:11] Angie Yu: [00:33:11] I don't know how to, I don't know how to describe it. I'm still learning about him because even the podcast has three episodes on Nietzsche, but the currently the episode that I'm on episode two, he talks about how, like a lot of people don't like DJ that a lot of people find him very controversial. he says that the reason why we're around is to find power.

[00:33:33]And he doesn't mean power in the sense of like political power or like electricity or like, 

[00:33:40] Kristy Yee: [00:33:40] or like you said, when you said power, I thought of Zeus holding is like lightning bolts. I don't know why that's the first thing I thought of, but I thought of that. And then, and then you said electricity

[00:33:57]to say something. 

[00:34:00]Angie Yu: [00:34:00] so this, this podcasters interpretation of power from DJ is that power is the power to be who we are. Whoa. 

[00:34:10] Kristy Yee: [00:34:10] Okay. 

[00:34:11] Angie Yu: [00:34:11] And I was like, 

[00:34:12] Kristy Yee: [00:34:12] I'm digging this a little bit. Fucking Whoa. Okay. 

[00:34:14] Angie Yu: [00:34:14] Okay. Go on. More woke than we think everyone just thinks he's on like depressive ass dude. No, man. He wants you to impress power yourself and just be yourself.

[00:34:23]And he thinks the ultimate, the ultimate goal of a human person is to find our 

[00:34:30] Kristy Yee: [00:34:30] power by empowering ourselves, 

[00:34:32] Angie Yu: [00:34:32] by being who we are 

[00:34:34]Kristy Yee: [00:34:34] through empowerment of self. Yeah. 

[00:34:36] Angie Yu: [00:34:36] It's just like self actualization, like self, self, self, self self. you know, if the reason why living beings. Alright. So this was mentioned the podcast.

[00:34:44] If the reason why living beings are here is to just reproduce, then why do animals engage in these weird habits? Because I 

[00:34:55] Kristy Yee: [00:34:55] don't pay attention to animal life 

[00:34:57] Angie Yu: [00:34:57] and animals have their own personalities, 

[00:35:00] Kristy Yee: [00:35:00] you know? Yeah. Like what's the purpose of these personalities. If all we need to do is just bang each other and reproduce, make babies.

[00:35:09] Yeah. Why do we need to have such complex thoughts in our brains? 

[00:35:14] Angie Yu: [00:35:14] Yeah. Sorry. This is what happens when you talk to me and you're like, do you want it to be practical today? I'm like, boom. 

[00:35:19]Kristy Yee: [00:35:19] I was like, let's talk about career and shit. 

[00:35:22] Angie Yu: [00:35:22] I'm like, let's talk about Nietzsche. 

[00:35:25] Kristy Yee: [00:35:25] And I thought it just led up to me. 

[00:35:28] Angie Yu: [00:35:28] I, I messaged my friend.

[00:35:30] I was like, I think I'd like, Nietzsche, what does that say about me? And then he didn't respond. I'm like, you know what, let me not judge myself, me liking each shade. The fact is I like DJ. It doesn't say anything about me.

[00:35:43] are you a glass half full or a glass, half empty type of person? 

[00:35:48] Kristy Yee: [00:35:48] Are you actually asking me this 

[00:35:50] Angie Yu: [00:35:50] question? I am asking you that question. 

[00:35:52] Kristy Yee: [00:35:52] I'm a glass half 

[00:35:53] Angie Yu: [00:35:53] full. Okay. I can see that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm trying to be more of a type of person that would be like, it's a glass of water. 

[00:36:01]Kristy Yee: [00:36:01] Ah, okay.

[00:36:03] Angie Yu: [00:36:03] So that's what I mean. Like, I, 

[00:36:04] Kristy Yee: [00:36:04] I, 

[00:36:04] Angie Yu: [00:36:04] we throw judgments at people. We throw judgments at ourselves and this is something that, that was actually my homework for the week is to catch myself, judging myself and being like, why am I telling myself I should or must do something? Or why am I judging myself? so when I was like, Oh, my God.

[00:36:21] I like Nicha. What does that say about me? I call myself home. I was like that. Doesn't say anything about me. It says that I like me. That's the fact. Yeah. I enjoy his work. Like, is this glass half empty or half full? 

[00:36:33] Kristy Yee: [00:36:33] What does it matter? 

[00:36:33] Angie Yu: [00:36:33] What does it matter? It's a glass of water. You can drink it. 

[00:36:35]Kristy Yee: [00:36:35] You know, this reminds me of all the label talk that we talked about in the previous episodes, because this is all like, are you a glass, half empty or half full?

[00:36:44] That's a label that we put on ourselves and put on others because we also judge other people too. That's right. And we're saying like, Oh, if you're a glass half empty, then 

[00:36:54] Angie Yu: [00:36:54] yeah, you're a glass half full. Then you're an optimist. The voice, but you know what I mean? Right. 

[00:37:03] Kristy Yee: [00:37:03] And that's judgment. That's passing judgment, not just on ourselves, but on other people.

[00:37:06] And how harmful is that? 

[00:37:07] Angie Yu: [00:37:07] Yeah. And you know, what's, what's the biggest judgment on ourselves. What imposter syndrome? Why, why do you think that you can't do your job? You are doing a job. Someone's paying you for this. Someone paying you to talk to these clients. You even told me a story about how you thought you gave this client the worst advice ever.

[00:37:28] And they were so appreciative of the fact that you would change their minds about diets. And I was like, Christie, that's why you have of your job. You changed my mind about eating trips.  we were walking down the aisle and say, when I'm like, Oh, I really want some chips, but I can't. I can't.

[00:37:42] If I buy chips, Then I'm going to eat chips and you're like, so eat the fucking pips. Why are you judging yourself? just because I eat chips does not mean that I'm a bad person. Correct? Cause there's all these stigma against people who eat chips.

[00:37:55] Oh, you're unhealthy. You're overweight. You're lazy and blah, blah, blah. But eating chips. The fact that I just, it tastes 

[00:38:01] Kristy Yee: [00:38:01] good. Exactly. And they're just chips, just like, it's just a glass of water. Just like, 

[00:38:07] Angie Yu: [00:38:07] it's just a job. Your job. Doesn't have to define who you are. Oh 

[00:38:12] Kristy Yee: [00:38:12] man. 

[00:38:13]Angie Yu: [00:38:13] CTC. I do bring, I do bring things back to our topic.

[00:38:17] I don't just go on these tangents about philosophy. Can I, am I am trying to. Provide some value 

[00:38:23] Kristy Yee: [00:38:23] and listeners you right now, if you're a chip lover, cause we're both potato chip lovers, Angie and I just eat your fucking chips. Yeah, it's all good. Just eat the fucking chips. That's it. 

[00:38:35] Angie Yu: [00:38:35] That's, you know, eat your chips, your vegetables, your meat.

[00:38:39] If you prefer eating meat, if you don't prefer eating meat E or proteins, like just do what you want to do. Your body will naturally kick in. Correct. Don't force yourself not to do something. You don't like the taste of me or you don't find yourself. Enjoying eating meat, then don't eat 

[00:38:56] Kristy Yee: [00:38:56] meat. Your body is so much smarter than your brain, but the thing is we think opposite cause our brains leading us.

[00:39:04] Right? So we end up using our brains to force ourselves to doing these things that is against what our body actually wants. 

[00:39:11] Angie Yu: [00:39:11] Yeah. And I mean, of course there are also reasons, like I heard that Quito is really good for cancer patients, for example, but doing keto just for a certain aesthetic. Like I tried it several times and I did look good for like two weeks and then I would be like, I Ms.

[00:39:26] Rice. Cause I'm Chinese and boom. I'm back to square one. 

[00:39:29] Kristy Yee: [00:39:29] The keto diet came from, people who had epilepsy. Oh, epilepsy, sorry. 

[00:39:33] Angie Yu: [00:39:33] Yeah. Epilepsy. Yeah. Yeah. I did some research on it. It was like epilepsy. And then also a lot of cancer patients go on the keto diet as well. 

[00:39:43] Kristy Yee: [00:39:43] Anyways. If you want to eat your chips, eat your 

[00:39:45] Angie Yu: [00:39:45] chips.

[00:39:45] Yeah. listen to your body and same thing with your anxiety. Listen to your body. 

[00:39:51] Kristy Yee: [00:39:51] And really, I think what my counselor said stuck with me. Is that, what exactly is it? That's going through your head in this moment when you're feeling those anxieties right now, tell us 

[00:40:02] Angie Yu: [00:40:02] what what's going through your head.

[00:40:04] When you think about work Christie,  if you can reflect back to that anxious feeling you had, when you, I'm not trying to make you relive it, but like, if you can think back to that anxious feeling you have, when you woke up what was going through your head? 

[00:40:17]Kristy Yee: [00:40:17] Well, this morning wasn't so much about work, but when it is about work,

[00:40:23]I don't want to put on this. Chirpy smiley face going into work when I don't feel like trippy smiley face day. 

[00:40:31] Angie Yu: [00:40:31] Okay. And can you just not put on a trippy smiley face? Can you just be yourself?

[00:40:35]Kristy Yee: [00:40:35] What does that even mean? Being 

[00:40:37] Angie Yu: [00:40:37] yourself like don't be chirpy if you don't feel chirpy. 

[00:40:41]Kristy Yee: [00:40:41] So then I do. I'm learning too. And when people ask me like, Hey, how's it going? If I'm not feeling that great, I will say, I'm not feeling that great. And that's something that I've recently started to practice and then they'll be like, Oh, like what's going on?

[00:40:59] What's wrong. Very human response to care and be compassionate. But I don't feel like you always need to have an answer for that. 

[00:41:09]and it also feels like, you know, so if you're not feeling super happy, trippy all the time, and you're just like neutral or, you know, not feeling good, then that's a bad thing.

[00:41:20] You know what I mean? Like if you're saying that yeah. I feel like if I tell people that, then they're going to try to fix my problems or, or try to make it better. 

[00:41:30] Angie Yu: [00:41:30] Do you feel that, or do you think that there's a difference between feeling and thoughts of feelings? We can't control the thoughts we can control.

[00:41:38]So you feel, for example, your heart beating faster, you feel your hands being sweaty. You think that if you tell someone, Hey, I'm not having a great day, but I'll be okay. Thanks for asking me. Usually they'll be like, Oh, okay. Let me know if you need anything. If they try to button, just be like, I appreciate that you care.

[00:41:59] I just need a couple of days to, you know. 

[00:42:02] Kristy Yee: [00:42:02] Yeah. Yeah. And I don't, I just don't want to have any of that conversation. So that makes me like, not want to go to work because if I go into work, then I'm going to have to yeah. Okay. Let's just talk about the conversation. 

[00:42:13] Angie Yu: [00:42:13] Why don't you want to have that conversation?

[00:42:15] I'm playing counselor right now. So why don't you want to have that conversation? 

[00:42:19] Kristy Yee: [00:42:19] Because it's exhausting. What, like, part of it is exhausting. 

[00:42:23] Angie Yu: [00:42:23] Let's practice 

[00:42:24] Kristy Yee: [00:42:24] pudding, 

[00:42:25] Angie Yu: [00:42:25] you know what? I'm going to make two words. I'm going to make you do exposure therapy with me. Cause I had to do this before returning to work and I found it really helpful.

[00:42:35]I mean, at the time I thought it was really silly, but okay. Let's pretend. I'm your coworker and you just came in to work and you don't look, 

[00:42:44] Kristy Yee: [00:42:44] are we fucking role-playing? Yeah, we are replaying, 

[00:42:47]Angie Yu: [00:42:47] no whips though. same. I do have handcuffs. Okay. So how are you today, Christie? I don't care how stupid you feel do it.

[00:43:01]Kristy Yee: [00:43:01] Usually I will respond by I'm feeling. Okay.

[00:43:05]Angie Yu: [00:43:05] Is everything okay?

[00:43:10] Kristy Yee: [00:43:10] This is so weird. I don't care so straight. 

[00:43:15] Angie Yu: [00:43:15] I don't care. I've I've been in your shoes, like, Oh my God. I had to do this, like my therapist over like video chat. And I was literally like dying. I'm like, this is so uncomfortable. I hate doing this. 

[00:43:25] Kristy Yee: [00:43:25] This is really 

[00:43:26] Angie Yu: [00:43:26] uncomfortable. I know. It's like, 

[00:43:28] Kristy Yee: [00:43:28] if okay, this is why it's uncomfortable.

[00:43:31] It feels like anything that I say I'm going to be judged on. And then it's going to be used against me. 

[00:43:36]Angie Yu: [00:43:36] Those are your 

[00:43:37] Kristy Yee: [00:43:37] thoughts. Yeah. Those are my thoughts. 

[00:43:39] Angie Yu: [00:43:39] But is there any basis for  those thoughts? like why, why do you think that person will judge you? And if they do then fuck 

[00:43:46] Kristy Yee: [00:43:46] them. Yes.

[00:43:46] Fuck him. Yeah, but why do I, because we just talked about, we put, we put labels on people. We judge ourselves and we judge others. And so, yeah, social anxiety. Totally. You're 

[00:43:59] Angie Yu: [00:43:59] scared as a phobia, but there's only one way through 

[00:44:02] Kristy Yee: [00:44:02] it. Oh my God. This is me in grade six. Not wanting to go to class. Yeah. What the 

[00:44:06] Angie Yu: [00:44:06] fuck?

[00:44:06] And I'm not letting you sit outside. 

[00:44:09] Kristy Yee: [00:44:09] What the fuck? How did we just go from like episode, whatever it is today, all the way to episode five, 

[00:44:17] Angie Yu: [00:44:17] because it's a human condition. We fear is really fucking real. And it's okay to be scared. I mean, this is also easier for me to say then practice, right. Cause when I'm in your shoes and I'm scared of something, it's really hard for me to pull myself out, but Hey, I'm here to practice with you.

[00:44:36] So while you have this resource, 

[00:44:37] Kristy Yee: [00:44:37] this is fucking disgusting right now. I don't care. Okay. is everything okay?

[00:44:44]Angie Yu: [00:44:44] I'm looking away to make you less uncomfortable. 

[00:44:46] Kristy Yee: [00:44:46] I know. And I'm trying to think like, should I answer the way that I would normally answer to a colleague? Yes. 

[00:44:53] Angie Yu: [00:44:53] Pretend I'm your colleague. Oh God. 

[00:44:55] Kristy Yee: [00:44:55] That I was going to, 

[00:44:57] Angie Yu: [00:44:57] because obviously you are multiple with me, 

[00:44:59] Kristy Yee: [00:44:59] so I know, but 

[00:45:01] Angie Yu: [00:45:01] just say what you will say to a colleague.

[00:45:02] Kristy Yee: [00:45:02] I'm not going to judge Oh, I will say. Yeah. Things are mostly okay. There's just a lot of things going on right now, but 

[00:45:08] Angie Yu: [00:45:08] it'll be fine. Okay. Yeah. I mean, if something, if my coworker said that I would just be like, Oh, okay. Like, let me know if you need anything, because everybody goes through their shit.

[00:45:18] And honestly, like people have their own issues to worry about then to come and judge you in a faith. 

[00:45:24] Kristy Yee: [00:45:24] That is true. 

[00:45:25] Angie Yu: [00:45:25] Yes. And if they do judge you that's because they don't want to think about their own issues. Everybody has issues. And if somebody comes after you, I was like, Oh, Christie's being such a bitch today.

[00:45:35] Cause she's in a bad mood. Well, everyone's always in a bad mood too. Like everyone gets tired. Why is she being like, blah, blah, blah, then that's is there issue 

[00:45:43] Kristy Yee: [00:45:43] also, I feel like if someone is going to judge me and call me a bitch, because I'm in a bad mood and I feel like that person is also in a bad mood too.

[00:45:50] Exactly. 

[00:45:51]Angie Yu: [00:45:51] We should say what's on our mind. I mean, I have the same issue, right? Like wear people pleasers.  we try to please people by saying what we think they want to hear. Does it make us performative? Probably. Does it make us fake? No, it makes us human because we want the person to like us or respect us, whatever it is, social anxiety, you know, cyber tooth shit, 

[00:46:12]Kristy Yee: [00:46:12] I think the thing is like what I'm avoiding. So like when I'm at work yeah. That is genuinely how I'm going to have that conversation. Because again, like I mentioned, I'm trying to be a lot more authentic in the way that I present myself. And I also wanted to be an example of, you know, it's okay to just say , you're not feeling so great sometimes.

[00:46:29] Right. And often what I get is, Oh, just okay today, you know? And I'd be like, yeah, it's just okay today. Right?

[00:46:35]I think okay now. Okay. Ooh, because it's uncomfortable to not be performative. It's uncomfortable to say what is on your mind that it actually takes more energy. To do that. And that's why I don't want to have that conversation to begin with, which was what I was telling you before. And I was like, I just don't even want to have that conversation.

[00:47:04] I don't even want to get to work and go through that whole motion. Right. And I think now is because it takes effort to not say, Oh, I'm fine. How are you doing. Cause that's so much more easier. That's more comfortable. That's what we're used 

[00:47:19] Angie Yu: [00:47:19] to. It's more comfortable, but is it easier to always put on a brave face 

[00:47:24] Kristy Yee: [00:47:24] in the long run?

[00:47:25] It's not for sure. And that's how people break down. Right? Cause the, all these tiny little chips, you don't notice the chips every day, but these tiny little chips, they're eventually going to break you one day. But right now it's like, okay. It's like waterboarding, what? 

[00:47:40]Angie Yu: [00:47:40] It's like torture. So I know waterboarding.

[00:47:42] There's like an ancient. It was like a Chinese type of torture where they drip one drop of water on your forehead over and over and over again. And you're like, water is not like, if you just got a drop a water on your forehead, whatever. 

[00:47:54] Kristy Yee: [00:47:54] No big deal. 

[00:47:55] Angie Yu: [00:47:55] Right. It keeps going on and on and on people literally would rather die.

[00:48:01] Like it was a form of torture, probably silly. 

[00:48:04] Kristy Yee: [00:48:04] That's so fucked up, man. Dang. So really smart to come up with that level of torture really fucked. So 

[00:48:12] Angie Yu: [00:48:12] anyway, waterboarding, I forgot what it's called 

[00:48:14] Kristy Yee: [00:48:14] that watered, torturing technique. Is exactly what we're doing to ourselves. When we are saying I'm fine or I'm good.

[00:48:24] Thanks. How are you doing? Like when you're not exactly, because you're constantly dripping that water on you. It doesn't seem like a big deal at the time, but in the long run, it is a big deal because you're not being genuine to yourself and you're not accepting the emotions that you are feeling at that current moment.

[00:48:42]Angie Yu: [00:48:42] Yup. And you're not. Giving herself power. 

[00:48:45]Kristy Yee: [00:48:45] So, so many of these like little light bulb things going on right now. Huh?

[00:48:49]Let's wrap up for today. 

[00:48:50] Angie Yu: [00:48:52] Yeah. 

[00:48:55] Kristy Yee: [00:48:55] I feel like we touched upon so many different things. I don't even know where to begin with the takeaways. 

[00:49:01]Angie Yu: [00:49:01] I think the key takeaway from this is like, we all get anxious about social situations in one way or another. You might be more comfortable with one, but maybe more uncomfortable with another, but it's, it's normal.

[00:49:14]It's hard. and you know, it's not to devalue your struggle of trying to get to work because I've been in the same shoes. I I'm sure many listeners have been in the same shoes, but. It's common and that imposter syndrome and all that we just, we're scared of failure and we're scared of social rejection,

[00:49:31]but it's okay. And the only way through is, you know, as cheesy as it sounds is to face your fears, you know, pee into the wind. What that's a friend's rough. Oh my God. You know, like if you're yeah, like

[00:49:54]he was like, you're scared of Heights. Jump off a roof pee into the wind if you're scared of anyway, anyway, 

[00:50:00]Kristy Yee: [00:50:00] anyways.  Take away.  Number one is, There is no perfect job. I don't think no, there is actually there's no perfect job. So all the shit that we've been spoonfed as millennials to say that we can achieve our dreams.

[00:50:14]and this could be a whole other episode. There, there is no such thing, but we need to look to see. There could be external factors that is contributing to why you're dissatisfied in your current job. And there could also be internal factors too, that we often forget to look and that that comes with a lot of self reflection and that's something that we're working on and we'd encourage you to as well.

[00:50:39] Angie Yu: [00:50:39] And it's hard, it's hard. It's a lot easier to attribute. Something to external factors because you can blame it on something that's out of your control. It's as human beings, we don't like taking responsibility for something. it's just easier to be like, Nope, I'm just this way. And I'll, I just, I will never change.

[00:50:56]Kristy Yee: [00:50:56] Takeaway. Number two is

[00:50:58]Nietzsche.

[00:50:59] The glass is just filled with water. It's just a glass 

[00:51:04] Angie Yu: [00:51:04] of water. That's neat. But that was just like one way of looking at things like that was me not passing judgment. 

[00:51:11] Kristy Yee: [00:51:11] Yeah. I really liked that. So check in to see, when are you passing judgment on yourself and when are you passing judgment on others? Who cares?

[00:51:20] If it's half empty or half full? That's just another label. Fuck it. It's just a glass of water. Yeah, 

[00:51:27] Angie Yu: [00:51:27] exactly. Take away. Take away. Number three would be to. Work through the fear, work through the fear. Are you, you know, if you're like Christie, who you just don't want to have that small talk with your coworkers because you're not okay.

[00:51:44] Start practicing, do a slowly. for myself, the fear of starting a big project renders me like. Like it debilitates me like the, that fear is debilitating to the point where I can not even start on a project. I'll have like two months to start on a project and that'd be like, I can't, I can't do what there's too much.

[00:52:05] But you know, like people's tip is usually start small. Right? We have little like break it down into small pieces. The same thing goes social anxiety or whatever anxiety it is, like break it down, working on it. That's the only way you can, because the anxiety is not going anywhere. Like, it's never going to go anywhere.

[00:52:22] Even if you, you manage to say to one coworker, I'm fine. Like you might get to a point where you're there saying I'm fine to your friends and I'm fine to your family. And then eventually you feel like you're all alone and nobody gives a shit about you and then you're not fine and you're not fine, but that's not true.

[00:52:37] You just, you never made an effort to let people know that you're not fine. So start 

[00:52:41] Kristy Yee: [00:52:41] small. Yeah. And  agree, disagree with us. Let us know in our DMS at shit. We don't tell mom.  

[00:52:48] Angie Yu: [00:52:48] these are our opinions, our stories, our perspectives. 

[00:52:52] Kristy Yee: [00:52:52] if y'all want to share some of their shit with us, let us know, email us.   if you're listening and you've got some shit you want to tell us and share, please DMS or email us at shit. We don't tell mom at  dot com. We are looking for guests.

[00:53:08] So  chat with us. And, let's talk shit together. 

[00:53:13] Angie Yu: [00:53:13] Okay. Bye .