16. Embracing Your Sexuality

Sex is everywhere but it is also taboo. Why? And how can we overcome this shyness around sex so we can embrace our own sexuality? **Content Warning**: criminalized sex is discussed in this episode.

Highlights: 

• Why is Sex Taboo?
• How do we define sex? 
• What happens when we feel pressured to be a sexy 
• Have confidence and self-esteem in bed 
• What Angie needs to have an orgasm

Takeaway: 

• Physical intimacy does not equal emotional intimacy
• Be okay with where you are at in your sexual self-discovery
• Tell your partner what you want in bed 
• Let's change our definition of sex as a society by not trying to define sex for everybody. It's different 

Resources:

• Reddit: How come sex and sexuality is taboo...
• Psychology Today: Why is Sex Taboo?
• The Maudern: Why is Sex Still Taboo?
• The Ripper (Docu-series)
• The Imitation Game (Movie)
• Ethical Slut (Book)
• OMGYes.com

Episodes mentioned:

• Ep.12: Codependency and Intergenerational Trauma ft. William Shaw
• Ep.15: Flatulence, Love, and Discomfort

Fellow Nominees for “Best Wellness Podcast” Asian Podcast Awards 2020:

• Colors of Success
• Thrive + Thread

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Email: shi

Transcript

Kristy Yee: 0:00

Oh shit already hit the microphone.

Angie Yu: 0:03

That's okay. Welcome

Kristy Yee: 0:05

back. Welcome back to season two of shit. We don't tell mom,

Angie Yu: 0:33

we are currently recording separately. Because we are under somewhat semi locked down here in Vancouver. So we don't want to piss off our health officer.

Kristy Yee: 0:46

And do something really exciting happened during the Christmas holidays.

Angie Yu: 0:50

Oh yeah. What's that

Kristy Yee: 0:51

I was going to ask you to, to share would you like to share some exciting news to our listeners? Our shitters our shit heads are poop troops, So

Angie Yu: 1:05

the. Exciting news. Is that, how do I phrase this? We wanted an award. We are an award-winning podcast. How cool. And it's

Kristy Yee: 1:14

also super weird to say that for ourselves.

Angie Yu: 1:17

It is. Yeah, I think that's pretty incredible. The Asian podcast network is run by Jerry wan, our friend Jerry over at just like media put on an inaugural Asian podcast award.

Kristy Yee: 1:29

And we were so humbly awarded with the best wellness podcasts of 2020. So yeah.

Angie Yu: 1:36

Yeah, Definitely humbled, definitely really honored. And it felt incredible to hear that we had won gold among our finalist friends, which is

Kristy Yee: 1:47

we have colors of success and thrive and thread

Angie Yu: 1:51

that's right. Awesome women of the pocketing world. For the best wellness podcast. And when we were on video, Jerry was like, and gold. We have shit. We don't tell mom and Christy freaked out.

Kristy Yee: 2:04

I mean, you were freaking out too. I was,

Angie Yu: 2:06

I was freaking on the inside on the outside was super calm.

Kristy Yee: 2:09

I don't know how you can do that. I wear everything on my sleeve, on my face, all over my body.

Angie Yu: 2:15

I feel like that's a topic for another time,

Kristy Yee: 2:17

so today we're going to open up season two with sex because how juicy juice is that? But what about sex? Sex is so broad. it's taboo, but it's also very. Sexualized sex is very sexualized.

Angie Yu: 2:31

Yeah. It's taboo, but it's everywhere.

Kristy Yee: 2:33

Exactly. It's

Angie Yu: 2:34

pervasive and taboo at the same time. It's everywhere yet. We don't really talk about it from a meaningful standpoint. So

Kristy Yee: 2:41

let's talk about why sex is taboo then why do you think sex is taboo? Hmm.

Angie Yu: 2:46

I think there's a lot to do with it. There's like religion and conservative upbringing, but I feel like those are all how we have reacted to sex as humans. Why really it is taboo. Like I think if you get down to like the bio psychological aspect, it's probably because it reminds us so much of being animals. it's such a primal instinct, right?

Kristy Yee: 3:08

Like, are we ashamed of this animalistic instinct probably or embarrassed by it? Like, we don't want to be, you know, cause we're humans and we're so

Angie Yu: 3:20

but are we, are we a lot of us, we feel that we own this planet when in fact we don't right.

Kristy Yee: 3:28

So subconsciously we're like, Oh, we're not animals.

Angie Yu: 3:32

We can control our animal instincts like sex.

Kristy Yee: 3:34

So we're like, we don't want to be associated with those filthy animals.

Angie Yu: 3:38

That's right. I think that's the core of it. But then there's so many things that have spun off from that shame.

Kristy Yee: 3:45

Like religion, for example. Yep.

Angie Yu: 3:47

Or eternity like

Kristy Yee: 3:49

patriarchy,

Angie Yu: 3:50

patriarchy, I don't know, man. It's just like such a complicated thing. Sex. Like it's sex is complicated. It's also not complicated. You know, it's everything.

Kristy Yee: 3:59

So when I was thinking about this, I was like, okay, well we want to talk about sex. And our show is all about untapped realizing things. So why is sex taboo? So I literally Googled why a sex taboo. Nice. And what did he send? And so the first result came from Reddit. Of course, of course. This is a long one so I'm not going to go through the whole thing, but basically they broke it down to three parts. And this is just someone's personal theories. They specifically mentioned there are no experts, but the first one was sexist, dangerous. Historically sex was dangerous. So they mentioned. Obviously there is the STD problem. But it's unwanted pregnancy, Draining resources Life-threatening for the mother. It's a dangerous thing to be engaged in. Second thing is people could not prove paternity. So if you limit sex and you limit sexual partners, then it becomes more intimate and exclusive. And you know who the father of the child is. But then I also I've read I think tribes or communities back in the days, like way back in the days having multiple sexual partners is just a normal thing. Yeah. And that the community will raise the child. Like it doesn't really matter who the father is. So I don't know if I agree with this person. Yeah.

Angie Yu: 5:17

I guess that would be more like. not way back in the days with tribes, but a bit for more move it a bit more forward into like more modern sites,

Kristy Yee: 5:26

maybe like

Angie Yu: 5:26

Victorian times and shit like that.

Kristy Yee: 5:28

Right. Yeah. Or even like in the fucking medieval times yeah, okay. Yeah. And I'm here thinking about fucking stone ages.

Angie Yu: 5:34

Yeah, because I brought up the whole animal instinct thing earlier, which is like, So primal, right?

Kristy Yee: 5:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the third thing is men want to control women. So I guess this is a patriarch.

Angie Yu: 5:48

So actually when you were talking, I was going to say, how come the two things that you named are all about what it does to a women? Like that stood out to me like, Oh, it's dangerous, but it's not dangerous for the man. No, no, no, no. It's not draining resources for the men. No, no, no, no. It's training resources for the mother and it's dangerous for the mother. Like what the fuck? Right.

Kristy Yee: 6:07

I was actually thinking about draining resources from just the community. Like, now the men will have to hunt more. To feed this baby. I don't

Angie Yu: 6:15

know. Going back to the tribe.

Kristy Yee: 6:16

I know. I know. But even, so like, if you're talking about medieval times or whatever, Either parent will have to provide another mouth to feed.

Angie Yu: 6:25

I think the third point though about how it's men wanting to control women? Like, boom, that is. So accurate, even the first two can be wrapped up in that. It's just all about control for the men, right? Because they can't have babies. They, the only way for them to make sure their genes live on is the real us. And we're a fucking vessel to fucking produce these. Babies for them. And that's just how biology works. And that fucking sucks. This actually reminds me, I actually watched the ripper on Netflix. So it's a, docu-series about the Yorkshire ripper. I think this happened in like the forties, thirties, forties or so where he killed a bunch of women. And he was nicknamed the Yorkshire ripper because the way he killed them was absolutely horrendous. And it reminded people of Jack the ripper. And the docu-series, if you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. It's not super gory. It's not super spooky. It's actually has a fantastic feminist angle and spoiler alert. The story starts off saying that he focused on killing prostitutes. If you want to binge it and you don't want to hear the rest of this, please fast forward, like two minutes. But it turns out the whole story storyline of the prostitutes was a bias that was Solidified by the men in the police force and the men in journalism.

Kristy Yee: 7:42

So it wasn't just prostitutes.

Angie Yu: 7:44

It wasn't just prostitutes. He was just targeting women who were walking alone at night time, but The police downplay the seriousness of it by saying that it was just prostitutes. So women didn't think that they were a target, so they still felt safe.

Kristy Yee: 7:56

Holy shit. That's so harmful in so many different directions.

Angie Yu: 7:59

Yeah. And those, because of that, the first case where innocent girl who was 16 years old, was killed by the state. You know, by this ripper, they were all of a sudden like shit. So like they could have done so much more police work had they not assumed that it was just prostitutes because they're like, Oh, we're missing information and prostitutes. Won't come to us to give us information. And the head honchos that we're a part of you know, running this case and whatever was like blaming things on the fact that prostitutes don't go to the police for information and. You know, it's just like the Ted Bundy tapes. Docu-series as well, like because of the patriarchy and because the women that were getting killed were women, things just took a really fucking long time. They almost caught him many times, but they're like, Oh, you know why he's a decent looking guy. He has a wife and he has a job. Can't be him.

Kristy Yee: 8:45

Oh, wow. So it's all about these assumptions and these learned biases.

Angie Yu: 8:50

That's right. Again, because sex was so taboo, right? They're like, Oh, if you're a woman who likes to have fun, which is their way of saying prostitutes, then you kind of deserve to be killed was like the, premise that the police were kind of spinning. So. Great. Watch made me very angry, but amazing documentary. So back to the point, the reason why I brought that up is because men want control of women and historically female sexuality has always been way more taboo than male

Kristy Yee: 9:18

sexuality. Just give credit to that person that we were reading off of. Their name is RP Shep in this thread and yeah, they said that men want to control women and they also noted that female. Sexuality is way more taboo. The male sexuality, because men are expected to have sex outside of marriage, but women are not. And, making sex a duty and a marital, right. Is a way to control women.

Angie Yu: 9:45

He also says, I do take the issue with the always has been part there's a lot of evidence that sex wasn't very taboo in pre agricultural societies. So that's what you're thinking of.

Kristy Yee: 9:56

Right.

Angie Yu: 9:57

That's not even the stone age, it's just pre agricultural revolution where societies weren't so close together and people weren't fighting for resources from each other. And the only way to survive was to be part of a tribe. Right. Because I was just going to say like, there's a lot of evidence from that time period where having one single partner, wasn't really a thing and literally took a whole village. And even now I'm thinking about it. Like sex was very taboo in China. But nowadays you can buy playing cards, made with photos of paintings from like, I don't know, like the Tang or some dynasty, which is like the 16 hundreds of different sex positions.

Kristy Yee: 10:34

That sounds so dope. I would love a copy. We're going to get my hands on some of these Tong, dynasty sex position, playing cards. Well, in China,

Angie Yu: 10:44

next time I go, I will

Kristy Yee: 10:45

get you some

Angie Yu: 10:47

I'll even get you a book or something like that, because it's kind of crazy because Like, of course, a lot of that stuff was burned during the cultural revolution, but there was actually one man who's like a millionaire or billionaire and his hobby was basically collecting these sex relics and making a museum out of it. And there's so much relics that involves sex because it was part of being human.

Kristy Yee: 11:10

Very normalized. There's a lot of art related to sex A lot of sculptures books written about sex Paintings on sex positions. Yeah. That sounds like it's it's just, you know, it's like a painting of a bowl of fruit. Cause that's just part of life. Right. Here's a Dick and here's an Apple

Angie Yu: 11:28

and it wasn't just men and women either. There were like, there were three sums, there were women and women, you know, because

Kristy Yee: 11:34

progressive,

Angie Yu: 11:36

I, you know, well, I don't think it's progressive. I think it's because we regressed as a society when all the capitalism, like, I don't know what it is, but I feel like it's capitalism that did that because I know that the first country to criminalize homosexuality was England.

Kristy Yee: 11:53

I don't know if it's capitalism, but more so just patriarchy in general, like needing to insert some power and dominance.

Angie Yu: 12:01

Capitalism is a byproduct of patriarchy. I think my belief from all the random things that I've consumed over the years is that industrial revolution. They just wanted to keep things going. They want the population to increase so that they can have more workers and you can't have the population increase if people aren't having sex and having babies. Like, I feel like. That's a part of it. I also watched another movie. Oh my God. I've been benching so much Netflix. The one about Alan Turing

Kristy Yee: 12:28

what's this movie or a documentary.

Angie Yu: 12:30

It's called the imitation game. The reason why I wanted to watch it is cause its features Benedict Cumberbatch. So I had no idea what I was watching. I just clicked on it. Cause it's But I didn't come from a pack. Exactly. And then when it was like, Oh, the Alan turret, I was like, Oh shit. There's movies about Alan Turing. And I had no idea Ellen was gay because I think his sexuality is so downplayed in media. But he eventually died from depression because after he fucking saved me the world he was forced fed Estrogen pills. He was forced that some sort of pills, because they think that it would refer to his homosexuality, but it just made him super depressed and that he eventually killed himself with a poison Apple. Because men not only want to control women's sexuality. They also want to control men, sexuality too.

Kristy Yee: 13:11

So going back to why sexist, Habu, the animalistic natures, the patriarchy.

Angie Yu: 13:17

Yep.

Kristy Yee: 13:18

That's all we got.

Angie Yu: 13:23

it's a hard topic. Now. Why did you have to choose this topic for our first episode?

Kristy Yee: 13:28

Because sex is sexy. Because everybody wants to talk about sex, but nobody wants to start the conversation about sex. We all want to learn more about sex and we want to be engaged with sex, but because it's taboo, then we don't. But yet at the same time, it's on media. It's

Angie Yu: 13:43

I don't

Kristy Yee: 13:43

know. On cosmopolitan magazines. That's all

Angie Yu: 13:47

I keep associating

Kristy Yee: 13:49

sex with is Cosmo. So okay. In that Google search though. So first one was Reddit and then the second one was actually a psychology today.

Angie Yu: 13:57

Hmm. I think that's the one I read before recording today.

Kristy Yee: 13:59

Ooh, you did research.

Angie Yu: 14:01

I did a little bit.

Kristy Yee: 14:02

Wow.

Angie Yu: 14:03

And that's the one I read where it says sex reminds us of our animalistic

Kristy Yee: 14:06

nature. Interesting. Because actually the third one that I pulled up, mentioned the animalistic tendency.

Angie Yu: 14:13

Was the third link from

Kristy Yee: 14:14

it's from a website called the modern, but M a U D E R N. From what modern says, it says in short, you know, Too long didn't read. I can't even think of the acronym for that. In short it's because sex reminds us of our basic animalistic natures. And since we humans generally like to think of ourselves as evolved spiritual beings, be that in a religious or universal sense, the primal act of procreation tends to feel somewhat. I can't even read this word, Anna, Anna. Anna Tete.

Angie Yu: 14:51

Oh

Kristy Yee: 14:51

boy,

Angie Yu: 14:52

And a Thema. I don't know what

Kristy Yee: 14:54

that means.

Angie Yu: 14:54

And at FEMA and athema anathema. We both pronounce it wrong it means something or someone that one. Great. I love it. I love it. When I look up a definition and there's another word that I have to look up, how to pronounce

Kristy Yee: 15:10

God, this is how you end up being on the internet and then

Angie Yu: 15:13

two hours later, and then F anathema, a formal curse by a Pope or a council of the church. Excommunicating a person or denouncing a doctrine. Huh?

Kristy Yee: 15:23

Anyways, the last sentence it says in many case, We attach shame to such urges often because of what we are taught as kids. So as kids, we're like, it's shameful to touch herself. It's shameful to ask about your vagina. It's shameful to have desire. And we have

Angie Yu: 15:41

so many different types of words to describe sex. Right? Like doing it The birds and the bees, you know, like there's so many different terms to describe sex that growing up, I never felt comfortable saying the word sex.

Kristy Yee: 15:56

How do you feel about the word? Fuck,

Angie Yu: 15:57

I have no problem with saying the word fuck

Kristy Yee: 15:59

in the sexual lization of

Angie Yu: 16:02

it. And the sexualization of like want to fuck The sexualization of it. It's definitely something that I don't say sexually in my day to day of a knack. Occular

Kristy Yee: 16:11

like, I used the word fuck as just part of my regular vocabulary as a way to either express my deep emotions.

Angie Yu: 16:21

I have a lot of emotions. Yup. Usually it's to express my distaste for something. But then when I'm having sex, I say it to express my enjoyment.

Kristy Yee: 16:32

What I find interesting is that the word, fuck it. It means to have sex, but it's a swear word. So we are literally taboo. ING the word,

Angie Yu: 16:42

Yeah, I guess so. Because export is already like, not a common word to use. It's a word that my boyfriend gets mad at me for say in front of children. I'll be like, I'm going to hear it from someone. Like if they say in one day and they say the word fuck and their parents, like where did you hear that word from? It's better than they say some random girl on the street. Then like my friend, Johnny, and Johnny's gonna get in trouble,

Kristy Yee: 17:07

So I swear a lot in my day to day. Now when it comes to other people's kids, I wouldn't filter myself just because kids are around because it doesn't occur to me to do that right then. And I just go about and talk like per use until I was called out a few times like, Oh, I shouldn't be swearing in front of other people's kids or, you know, just kids in general. And then I became more cognizant and more mindful.

Angie Yu: 17:31

Yeah, I always do it. And then, oops. And then my boyfriend will be like, there's a kid right there. I don't like, it's

Kristy Yee: 17:37

fine. And I used to just say the same thing. I would have the same argument. I'm like, well, they're gonna learn it anyways. They're gonna know it anyways. And the more we try to taboo a word, I don't think I said the word taboo, but you know, we're giving it power in a sense. And the more that the kids will want to use it, when really it's just another word to express another thing. So I use the word fuck in many different contexts but mostly because I want to express my emotions, whatever they are, whether it's dissatisfaction or satisfaction and same thing for the words. Shit and all of the above. They're gonna learn it anyways from somewhere. So we might as well just normalize the swear words. And the argument back to me was yes. Sure. But it's up to the parents to decide. When that's appropriate for them, for the kids. And so I thought, okay, that's fair. I respect that. And so that's when I retreated from just swearing everywhere, all over the place, because it's not my decision. To decide when the kid will be exposed to it. That's true. Even though we all know they will be, but it's not up to me to do that.

Angie Yu: 18:45

All right, fine. You make a good point. I'll stop swearing. I guess we should protect kids' innocence, as much as possible. if we're not the ones that are going to tell them that Santa is not real, we shouldn't be the ones. To introduce the word. Fuck. We'll let their parents do it.

Kristy Yee: 19:00

But having said that though, I think once the introduction has been made, it should just be a normal thing.

Angie Yu: 19:10

And speaking of the meaning of words, what do you think the definition of sex is? Like what is sex?

Kristy Yee: 19:18

Two people touching each other or no, It doesn't even have to be two people. People or person experiencing pleasure through their genitals.

Angie Yu: 19:26

It doesn't have to be genitals

Kristy Yee: 19:28

though through their body,

Angie Yu: 19:29

Yeah. See, that's the thing, right? Like as a society, we don't even have a good definition of what sex is I was always ignorant because I always was like, Oh yeah, sex is like, you know, penis and vagina. But then I was like, wait, but what about like, People who are not straight, it's not penis and vagina for them so that they have sex. So then that's not the correct definition. So what is the correct definition? And I think as a society, and this is what I read in the book called ethical slut is that as a society, we first need to redefine sex. Then we can really. Tackle those other issues that come with sex. And I think part of the whole, like being sex positive it's women let's take charge of our own sexuality. I think that does a exercise in redefining

Kristy Yee: 20:14

sex. I think the best way to redefine sex is not to have a universal definition for sex. Because I think sex is experienced differently through every individual.

Angie Yu: 20:27

Mm it's a spectrum,

Kristy Yee: 20:32

Like, I feel like if we try to put sex in a box, not everyone's going to fit into that box, so stop putting it in a box to begin with.

Angie Yu: 20:41

Mm. Okay. So to redefine sex, we need to stop defining sex.

Kristy Yee: 20:45

Yeah. It sex is whatever you say sex

Angie Yu: 20:48

is. Oh yeah. I like that. Alexa, unless it's criminal.

Kristy Yee: 20:54

Oh yes. Then

Angie Yu: 20:55

please don't do that. Right. So let me see if there's lines somewhere because we're a society and we have to do something that society thinks is acceptable, but then we also have to focus on what we want. And that's difficult.

Kristy Yee: 21:10

Okay. I'm going to go into some like really weird really weird corner of

Angie Yu: 21:13

it. It's a weird though. Are you defining it as weird?

Kristy Yee: 21:17

I'm defining it weird because it's making me really uncomfortable to even want to go there. So you mentioned unless it's criminal, so like rape criminal as in rape, as in like

Angie Yu: 21:28

pedophilia, which is same thing as rape.

Kristy Yee: 21:31

No, it's not.

Angie Yu: 21:32

Well, the other, person's not giving consent,

Kristy Yee: 21:34

but PD Ophelia is in that sex with like children.

Angie Yu: 21:37

Yeah. I don't think the child is giving consent to the second.

Kristy Yee: 21:39

I know. I know, but you can also be, you can also be raped as an adult.

Angie Yu: 21:42

Yeah. Yeah. So I said PD field is a type of rape.

Kristy Yee: 21:45

Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So yeah, like, rape, like pity, Ophelia,

Angie Yu: 21:51

Unconscious sex. Those are all criminal.

Kristy Yee: 21:53

Before that were like sexist. However, you want to define it. Don't let society define it for you. But criminalization is a definition of society. Like society says criminal.

Angie Yu: 22:04

So then that's, that's, that's interesting, right? Because in some countries, homosexuality a

Kristy Yee: 22:09

crime.

Angie Yu: 22:09

Yeah, but we accept that because we think that it's, it shouldn't be a crime.

Kristy Yee: 22:13

So what does that mean then? So if we are saying sexist, however you define it, asterix, unless it's criminal. Well, then there's this confliction.

Angie Yu: 22:26

Yeah. So everything that we defined as criminal sex, like rape and Ophelia and necrophilia not all parties are giving consent. That's why they're criminal. Okay.

Kristy Yee: 22:35

I accept that.

Angie Yu: 22:36

Yeah. Whereas like homosexuality, which is criminalized in some countries, Should it be criminalized just because two men or two women want to have sex with each other. If they're, if it's consensual, why should we criminalize it? Right. And that that's been the argument.

Kristy Yee: 22:51

Maybe the definition is not so much, so unless it's criminalized, but unless there's no consent given.

Angie Yu: 22:58

Yeah. So all parties involved in that sexual act, whether it's with yourself, with multiple people or with one other person, All parties has to give consent.

Kristy Yee: 23:06

Well, what if a child gives consent? And then now I know the argument is like, well, how old can they make their own decisions? Right? Then that's the next question? Well, Where do we draw the line in the sand for that?

Angie Yu: 23:17

Hmm. That's a good question. I don't know because I'm not a sex criminal expert, but like for example, I know people who had sex with their boyfriends when they were like 13, so a 13 year old and a 13 year old having sex is consensual.

Kristy Yee: 23:32

Yeah. So then when it's like a 13 year old and a 19 year old, then it's considered PDL Fillic. Is that

Angie Yu: 23:39

is it though? I don't know. I

Kristy Yee: 23:40

don't know.

Angie Yu: 23:41

Hold on. I'm just gonna Google the definition of pedophilia.

Kristy Yee: 23:44

pedophilia

Angie Yu: 23:44

is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older. Adolescents experience as a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to best in children. So I guess a 13 year old and a 19 year old, the 13 year old has already gone through puberty, then it's not So I feel like 10 and 19, that does sound pretty Criminal and it's defined that preview preview Pew best. And why? That's a very hard word to

Kristy Yee: 24:10

say before puberty,

Angie Yu: 24:12

before Poe ready. So it says that a lot of laws will extend the cutoff point to age 13. But a person must be at least 16 years old, and at least five years older than the pre pubescent child for the attraction to be diagnosed as pedophilia. So it's actually part of the DSM five. Yeah. Because a lot of times it's abuse, right? Because a child does not understand, they haven't even gone through puberty. They don't even know what that was sex is. They don't even know what sexual attraction is.

Kristy Yee: 24:39

So then I guess the definition of like, when can a person give consent, that would be when they have gone through puberty, then they are old enough to start giving consent

Angie Yu: 24:49

or just old enough to even understand consent.

Kristy Yee: 24:52

And like understand sexuality. Cause it's hard to understand sexuality when you haven't gone through puberty. Okay. I accept that. I don't know, man.

Angie Yu: 25:01

It's definitely overly really difficult topic to

Kristy Yee: 25:04

dark grimy. Very, very gray area. Yeah. But it's uncomfortable and it's taboo. I, it is. And, and the, the thought came to mind because you mentioned unless it's criminal. Well, we just said don't use society's definition, but use an society's definition for criminal, for consent.

Angie Yu: 25:24

For

Kristy Yee: 25:24

what? So consent. I agree with. We mentioned the patriarchy is a huge part of why. Sex is taboo. And I think because of that, women in most societies are not allowed to quote unquote express their female sexuality. How does one embrace their own sexuality and be comfortable with it? If we are taught to be uncomfortable with it, to taboo it and to not do it until you're married and only do it with your husband for the purpose of making babies

Angie Yu: 26:06

education.

Kristy Yee: 26:07

I want to know about your sexual awakening. Okay. How did you come to like where? Okay. You know what, let me, let me dial back. Where are you in your own definitions? Where are you in terms of embracing your own sexuality? I'm still very much at the learning stage. I have so many question marks. I don't know if I know how to have sex. I'm 30. And I'm still exploring a lot of things and trying to learn about a lot of things, but I'm still very uncomfortable about a lot of things about sex. So that's where I'm at. I'm not a hundred percent comfortable with my own sexuality yet.

Angie Yu: 26:42

Well, my first sexual experience was with my first boyfriend. And we had gotten to the point where I trusted him immensely and there was a lot of mutual trust and, you know, one thing led to another and I told him I was ready for it. And he was very much like, are you sure? Are you absolutely sure. And I'm like, yes, I'm absolutely sure. So I had a relatively good first experience for sex and that kind of set me up for, you know, being more in charge of my own sexuality, because I was never pressured into sex with my. Boyfriend in my teens. And I know that's not the case for everyone. So I do recognize that I hadn't, you know, a relatively good experience from what I learned from TV, which is where, you know, those high school drama shows where the boy like pressures you kind of thing. After my first boyfriend, I had a couple of. Sexual encounters with people who are not my boyfriend. And those are not great. If anything, they actually really lowered my self

Kristy Yee: 27:37

esteem. Like, are these like flings or one night stand? Like, what is the context? Like

Angie Yu: 27:44

they were like people I knew. So they were friends, I guess it was like friends with benefit kind of situation. And it definitely. Were experiences that both empowered me and also did an empower

Kristy Yee: 27:56

me. Okay. You have to dive deeper into that. What was the empowerment like? And what was the disempowerment like?

Angie Yu: 28:04

Well, I think the empowerment was that it was very much in my hands to decide whether or not these things were going to happen. And I didn't feel any pressure cause when you're in a relationship, well, I didn't really feel pressure. Let me rephrase that in my first relationship, I didn't feel pressure for my first sexual encounter, but as the relationship went on, I felt more pressured to like, be that sexual partner for the other person. And that led to a lot of problems in our relationship. Because I wasn't really taking charge of my own sexuality.

Kristy Yee: 28:33

Okay. We're going to come back to that. But with these friends of benefits, you were the one who got to call the shots, like when this is going to happen, if it was going to happen. And so that in itself was empowered.

Angie Yu: 28:44

I got to say no, when I wanted to say no and say yes, when I wanted to say yes. So that felt empowering, but it also didn't feel empowering because it was part of the whole like, exploring, right? Like everything was consensual, so that's good. But it was mostly like, am I doing this for attention or am I doing this because I want to do this. And that's the part where it didn't feel empowering I definitely want to do it because he was hot.

Kristy Yee: 29:09

The animalistic nature took over. You're like, I want some of those genes.

Angie Yu: 29:13

Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know. I just wanted to enjoy life. I was like 18, 19, 20, you know, like that kind of age. And then I was in a long-term relationship from the age of 22 to 28. And that's a really fucking long time. That's a long time in practically my entire twenties, not my entire twenties, the majority of my twenties, the good years of my twenties,

Kristy Yee: 29:37

the

Angie Yu: 29:37

prompt. I don't want to say that.

Kristy Yee: 29:40

I know. I know. And you were struggling, so I'm like, I'm just going to say it. Those are your primary.

Angie Yu: 29:46

I wanted to tell myself not to think like that right

Kristy Yee: 29:49

at the time. I'm sure. that's what it felt like. Yeah. I think now that we're 30, we're like

Angie Yu: 29:54

we're in our fifties. Yeah, that's right. Exactly. But at the time, like, especially when the breakup happened, I'm like, well, there goes my fucking prime years. I am a washed up let me Google how to become a nun. can I still masturbate if I'm a nun, you know? Can you, I don't know. I don't remember what I think. I don't remember what I searched up. I think it depends on what kind of nun you are.

Kristy Yee: 30:16

if anybody knows, let us

Angie Yu: 30:17

know. Yeah. Oh, how cool would it be? If a nun came on our show to talk about sexuality,

Kristy Yee: 30:22

that would be super dope. If

Angie Yu: 30:23

y'all know any nuns who

Kristy Yee: 30:25

would like to talk about their sexuality.

Angie Yu: 30:27

We all like to joke about how we're going to become nuns but actually I think being a nun is pretty goddamn dope. It's such an unconventional way to live life. And if y'all know any nuns who wouldn't mind coming onto our show to talk about what it's like being, and then they would get into the details. Like, can you masturbate, let us know?

Kristy Yee: 31:15

You mentioned, not feeling pressure, but feeling like you needed to be this sexual person for your partner at the time, what did that mean?

Angie Yu: 31:24

I felt controlled. It's not like he ever said anything. And then I felt like this in all my relationships. It's not like they go, you need to be in my sex doll. It's like the guy ever says anything like that. Right. Because if they do like JTFO

Kristy Yee: 31:37

buh-bye,

Angie Yu: 31:39

but I feel this like unspoken expectation that the duty of being. A woman and the duty of being in a straight relationship with a straight guy, why is it would be a heterosexual relationship I always felt this expectation that I had to be, I had to fulfill their sexual desires.

Kristy Yee: 32:02

Oh boy, because I think so much of that comes from learned experiences from society. It's the duty as a woman to do that. It's about this pressure that you put on yourself because of what society expects from you. So then you expect that from yourself.

Angie Yu: 32:17

Yup.

Kristy Yee: 32:17

And How did that work out just the sex life part. Mm.

Angie Yu: 32:22

I think I became less and less attracted to them sexually. Because I felt more and more like a

Kristy Yee: 32:28

chore, like an obligation

Angie Yu: 32:29

obligation.

Kristy Yee: 32:30

Yeah. Obligate obligate. Oh my Oh, play good. Terry sex is not great.

Angie Yu: 32:40

No, even though it's consensual because I'm saying yes, but it doesn't. Feel like, Oh yeah. let me rip my clothes off kind of thing. I feel like that's also because sex in media has always been. Portrayed as like, Hey, I'm going to rip your clothes off and push you against the wall. And then you feel like every time you have to have sex, you have to feel that kind of urge, but it doesn't have to be an urge thing every time it can just be like something that's essential. Maybe you're exploring something new. I don't know.

Kristy Yee: 33:11

Or I think it can be an urge, but it doesn't have to be that kind of an urge. Cause I think urges come in all different forms and it's not always the slimy against the wall, although that is nice. I enjoy that.

Angie Yu: 33:27

to your boyfriend. And I do think that a lot of it is me and my own head. And I'm scared to bring it up with my partner at the

Kristy Yee: 33:34

time. What's in your own head,

Angie Yu: 33:36

like feeling like it's an obligation. I'm sure. If I said I don't feel like having sex, I'm sure they would be like, okay, let's watch something on TV instead, but I'm scared to say, what

Kristy Yee: 33:46

are you afraid of

Angie Yu: 33:47

that they're going to think I'm undesirable. I think at the end of the day, everyone's scared of rejection, right? So the reason why we don't say it, certain things, cause we're afraid that if we say something, the other person doesn't want to hear, it makes us undesirable unwanted. We're gonna get eaten picked off by the saber tooth tiger. I'm not going to be able to have a family and pass on my DNA. Right.

Kristy Yee: 34:11

I think that all comes back to self-confidence and self-esteem, and I think when it comes to sex it's I don't know about you, but I don't, I don't have that much. Self-confidence and self-esteem around sex. in general, I feel. Pretty comfortable in my own skin. And I'm comfortable voicing my opinions or, whatever, but with sex, I'm not very confident. And I think part of that is because there is a lot of resources out there, but I'm not accessing them. And also because it's not in my face, You know what I mean? Like, yeah. so then I don't know enough about sex and then I don't know enough about my own sexual and this goes back to like me and where I'm at in terms of, you know, finding myself and my sexual journey.

Angie Yu: 34:55

And where are you in finding yourself what are you doing to. Be more comfortable to try to grow in that area

Kristy Yee: 35:02

well right now, like today I am debating on purchasing with that. So, for folks who don't know, O N G yes, is, I don't even know how to describe it, but It's a product. You actually sent me the link to this. I did. Oh, M

Angie Yu: 35:21

Oh, was it was it cause I saw it on Instagram and then I sent it to you. No, you

Kristy Yee: 35:25

sent it to me as a link on WhatsApp. And then I said, Oh yes, I remember reading about this because Emma Watson endorsed this, but I never really looked into it. So it's a collection of sex education materials on pleasure for women.

Angie Yu: 35:39

What's the website. Why can't I find the website?

Kristy Yee: 35:41

It's O M G yes. Dot com. Basically they did a, like a scientific study with a bunch of women. I'm not going to do this justice because I'm not explaining it very well. Let me go to the about page.

Angie Yu: 35:54

See what science says about women's pleasure is on their front page. Yeah,

Kristy Yee: 35:59

So they basically did a study for many decades exploring women's sexuality and what women find pleasurable because we don't talk about it between women. So we don't know, we don't know what it's like for other women. We don't really know what it's like for us. So they basically compiled all of the answers from all these women, and then they made it into an educational product and like, Hey, this is a position that most people say is good. Give it a try. You might not know that this is a thing for you rub yourself this way, it's all these different things that you can try to explore more of your own. Sexual pleasure. And what you find pleasurable for yourself, because like you mentioned, most of the time we just learned about penis vagina, And even penis and vagina that in itself is there's a lot of intricacies that go along with that. Different positions, different ways that you can P and V and then for OMG, yes. They're talking about all of the different ways that you can do this before in a women's anatomy. And this is not just for women to buy this it's for, people who want to give pleasure to other women. As well, So that you can learn and try different things. And it's not a subscription thing. It's basically you pay a one-time fee and it's like, here you go. This is what the research says. this is all the different positions and all of the different ways that you can try different things. And so it's an opportunity to learn more about your physical, sexual desires and pleasure points,

Angie Yu: 37:20

Okay. I love that. I love that. I love that. And I love that you're going to sign up for this. Let me know, keep me in the lumens. Hey, how it is. Like I, in my central journey, I've just been doing a lot of random readings here and there to understand things better. But I do like this. So under there about. Us page for Omada. Yes. Dot com. The Hollywood myth depictions Emedia would have us believe that after a bit of missionary position or sex up against the wall, there's the wall again, shall have a mind blowing orgasm every time in under a minute. That's the script, even in team romantic comedies, the great Hollywood lover, telepathically already knows the moves. He doesn't ask for any feedback and she doesn't offer any. And that's just so fucking because, and that's why sex gets better sex. In my experience, sex gets better in long-term relationships because you keep communicating and then you learn what each other likes and dislikes are sometimes slower than others because you're shy and you don't want to communicate for me personally, I can never have an orgasm with a new relationship, a new boyfriend until. I've gotten to that point where I trust them enough to actually communicate what I need. And I always have to explain myself near the beginning, why I cannot orgasm. I'm always just like, you know what, it's just because for me, it's a very, very emotional trust thing. And. With non boyfriends, there's only been two guys I've been with that has gotten me there.

Kristy Yee: 38:48

Have you ever been on a one night stand?

Angie Yu: 38:50

Yes, I've had one night stands.

Kristy Yee: 38:53

And were you able to orgasm?

Angie Yu: 38:55

No, absolutely not.

Kristy Yee: 38:56

Did they feel shit about that?

Angie Yu: 38:58

No. Oh, some did. Some was like, what can I do? And I'm just like, don't worry about it. And then they feel kind of bad about after. there have been some where they don't even expect to return the favor.

Kristy Yee: 39:10

That's so sad.

Angie Yu: 39:11

And those are the experiences that leave me feeling kind of shitty about myself. like, I feel empowered because one I'm like, I'm going to embrace my own sexuality. I like the way this guy looks, I'm going to hook up with him and then I feel great leading up to it. But afterwards, I think because of all the expectations I have in my head. And I'm not saying that when I stand as a bad idea, absolutely not saying that because there are some women who enjoy it very much and who can enjoy themselves very much. But for myself personally, I cannot enjoy myself during a one night stand.

Kristy Yee: 39:41

Because there's that lack of emotional intimacy and because of the lack of emotional intimacy, then you don't have that trust to tell them this is what I want so that I can orgasm.

Angie Yu: 39:52

So not even just to tell them when I want, I'm also not relaxed enough to orgasm I'm in my head. I'm not relaxed enough. I. Just can't the only two times that happened was so this is what happened. So the first time was with a friend and we had spent like a week together. Cause I was showing him hanging out, showing him around the city. And because of that I felt like we had gone on like five dates already. So I guess if that established some sort of like trust and emotional intimacy. Oh

Kristy Yee: 40:21

yeah. I'd feel some stuff there.

Angie Yu: 40:30

the second guy, it was I was not a wedding, so I think I was already like emotionally, putty, you

Kristy Yee: 40:36

know? Uh, Yes, because of all the romance in the

Angie Yu: 40:39

area, all the romance in the air. And we got along really well. I was also high and drunk, but it was actually after I sobered up, I woke up in the middle of the night at 3:00 AM and I couldn't fall back asleep and he wakes up to it. And then we're just chatting and we're both sober.

Kristy Yee: 40:56

Have you already had sex at this point?

Angie Yu: 40:58

Yes, we did. But the drunk sex was not. Like we just stopped and went to sleep cause it was drunk sex. But then we sobered up and we were just chatting and it was nice. And I was just talking, I was being super philosphical.

Kristy Yee: 41:11

Cause this is what happens after a drunk sex night session.

Angie Yu: 41:15

for me anyway I remember he was just. Talking about like how he drinks a lot. And I turned over to him and I'm like, what are you drinking to forget? And the room was just silent and he was like, I guess I'm trying to forget the loss of my

Kristy Yee: 41:29

grandparents. Jesus.

Angie Yu: 41:31

And I was like, okay. Yeah, grief. Right. He's like, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I get it.

Kristy Yee: 41:36

And because of that, you're like, damn, I'm wet. I'm ready. Let's do this. This is how I want it.

Angie Yu: 41:42

Well, it wasn't like straight after he told me his grandparents died. I was like, Ooh, it was like, the conversation continued a bit. And then we kissed. And then, yeah.

Kristy Yee: 41:53

But he shared something really deep.

Angie Yu: 41:55

He was vulnerable. Share something deep. He was vulnerable. And for me, sex is a very vulnerable, like for me to really enjoy and be sexual with someone, I feel like I'm vulnerable. And so, because he was vulnerable, I felt like it was okay for me to be vulnerable.

Kristy Yee: 42:12

You know, the first thing I think about is so there's this hour glass Object in Harry Potter. Okay.

Angie Yu: 42:20

I kinda knew that you even bring something up Harry Potter right in

Kristy Yee: 42:24

our glass anymore, but this object, which sand runs through and the more. Intense the conversation is the more meaningful the conversation is the slower, the sand runs.

Angie Yu: 42:37

Ooh. Is

Kristy Yee: 42:38

very cool. And so when you just told me that moment that you had with this guy in bed at 3:00 AM talking about grief and all that, I just thought of that object and how slow the sand is. Tinkering.

Angie Yu: 42:49

Yeah. And that's

Kristy Yee: 42:49

what you need to have an orgasm.

Angie Yu: 42:53

Yeah, for me, it's a emotional connection. Vulnerability. Okay. So Christy.

Kristy Yee: 42:58

Okay.

Angie Yu: 42:59

I want to ask you so, for me, like having been single for. A while after my nearly six year relationship really helped me in discovering my own sexuality. it showed me what I don't like. It Show me what I don't want. It taught me how to have more respect for my body. It taught me that physical intimacy does not equal emotional intimacy. You know, it was a journey. There were some unpleasant parts into it. And I think that's the hard part. It was that there were experiences where I was like, well, this sucked. Why did I even do that? But instead of putting myself down for it like there was a couple of when I stands where like, it was just not good and I could never want to see that person again, like that sucked. And I beat myself up over it for a while and I was like, why did I do that? But in the end it taught me these things. Right. And I think like for myself, as long as it's consensual, as long as we're being safe, it's totally okay to have these experiences because you will learn more about your own sexuality that way. And then when I got into a new relationship, it made me more comfortable and it made me realize that these are the things that I need. And also because my last relationship ended with infidelity from the other person, because of that, I started reading more about. Sex. Like what drives somebody into, seeking sex with other people when you have agreed to be in a trusting, monogamous relationship? So I read more about sex and, through that, I also learned more about sex too. So it's all just like a journey, basically. And I can't say that my journey is now complete because it's still something that I'm exploring and it's still something that I'm trying to be more comfortable with.

Kristy Yee: 44:33

And I also want to add that no matter where you are in your own journey, no matter how old you are, what you have learned or discovering you don't have to compare yourself with another person and where they're at in their journeys. We often consciously or even subconsciously compare ourselves with our peers because we do that with everything. We did that in school with our grades. We do that now at jobs with promotions. And we do that in our relationships and we do that. With sexuality as well, but who gives a fuck? If you're listening right now and you're hearing Angie's and you're like, Oh, that's so cool. or, you know, I'm not there yet, or, Oh, I'm way past that point. Like it honestly doesn't matter what matter is being okay with yourself. And so for me, I'm still very confused with my own sexuality in terms of like what I even want, what I like what I. Enjoy question Mark. I am trying to understand physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. Yeah. that's it like, there's no lesson to this. It's just, this is where I'm at and I'm okay with where I'm at and I want to learn more and that's why I'm looking at OMG. Yes. As one of the ways for me to learn more for you, it could be a reading for you. It could be talking to other people for you. It could be listening to podcasts about sexuality. It could be so many things.

Angie Yu: 45:53

It could be trying out different things with partners and different partners. And. Figuring it out. What you like when you don't like every time and don't beat yourself up. If you have a bad experience. Like I had beat myself,

Kristy Yee: 46:05

I feel like a lot of times women will put themselves down first. They will blame themselves. First before they think of any other reasons, other external reasons of why something didn't go as well as they had planned. And then on top of that is sometimes what we have planned is just a product of what society has told us or what media has told us when in reality that doesn't actually exist. So now we're comparing ourselves with something that's unrealistic. If it doesn't work out, then we end up blaming ourselves.

Angie Yu: 46:34

And it goes both ways. Like the issues can happen either way. The key is communication. I actually have a story for you. Okay. A sexual issue, story,

Kristy Yee: 46:42

sexual issue,

Angie Yu: 46:43

I guess, like not being on the same page. Like when I started dating my boyfriend the first few times we had sex, like went well, and as the relationship kind of progressed, I don't know what happened, but we both became more self-conscious during

Kristy Yee: 46:57

sex. With your bodies or with your performance, or

Angie Yu: 47:01

Me, with my body and him with his performance. Women. I think one of the things that we struggle with a lot is our body issues. Right? Like I'm thinking about what does my tummy look like right now, rather than actually enjoying it. And he's thinking about performance and it's a lot of pressure on both ends. And because of that, like, we were both in our heads and for a few times, it just like couldn't happen. And it was like a vicious cycle for him. He just thought. He can't perform. And I just thought it was me. That's why he can't perform because there's something wrong with my body. And then we decided to actually have a conversation about it. And I was like, I'm feeling self-conscious because I like put on some weights and. The lockdown. when I'm having sex, I'm just thinking about my stomach rolls and he's like, I don't care about that. I think you're sexy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I know, I know, but it's me. Right? Like I it's me, like, I think that. It's my problem. He's really introverted, but I'm like, what are you feeling? And he's like, I guess, performance. And I'm like, I figured because that's such a, taboo topic that guys don't want to talk about it. He's not going to go and talk to his guy, friends about what he's experiencing. So he's literally in his own head trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. And then I told

Kristy Yee: 48:08

him,

Angie Yu: 48:08

I'm like, I'm not expecting you to be Doing that for an hour. there's this whole thing about how guys has to last for a whole hour, because that's what porn does. I'm like, just so you know, If you just keep going for an hour like that's not pleasurable for the girl either. I don't know if I could be wet for that long. It's not pleasurable for anybody. So basically he doesn't want to orgasm so quick. So then he like holds himself back and then it gets really difficult to like continue, And I'm like, don't hold back. It'll get better. So then I think after that, he felt like he didn't have to think about holding back the whole time and now it's great. I never thought that I could have this having such open communication about sex with my partner. I wasn't like that with my previous partners. I was always too shy to talk about it.

Kristy Yee: 48:53

Well, I would like to think that the next partner will be better because of all the lessons that you learned from your previous partners.

Angie Yu: 48:59

That's right. Because we take the lessons with us. And that's the only thing you can really take with you when something bad happens. So, you know, it's still a journey for me. There's still things I'm trying to learn about myself. myself. I'm really excited about your journey.

Kristy Yee: 49:11

I will

Angie Yu: 49:11

let you know. Also, tell me what the website is saying, so I don't have to pay.

Kristy Yee: 49:17

I will, I will just like, I'll try this one. well we made it to season two, so yay. This season, lots of exciting things happening. Angie what's happening. have a shit ton of guests coming up and we're really excited to share some of the conversations that we've been having, we're going to talk a lot about unconventional things this season. So tune in for that we're also going to. Have you listeners join us as well, because we want you to be part of this experience. As part of season two, we're going to have different topics. And we're going to ask you folks to ask us questions related to that topic. So if you guys aren't following us yet on Instagram follow us at shit. We don't tell mom to join in on the fun where you guys can ask us questions specifically around anything to do that topic And then we're just going to answer them all. And then the last thing is we also wanted to highlight comments from all of y'all's because you guys leave us such really awesome comments and it warms our hearts and we read every single one of them. And we wanted to give you guys a shout out. So we're going to start giving shout outs of comments on our episodes. So Dun dun da dun. We have Jay Ray who left us a comment on Apple podcast specifically on episode 15, quoting. Once you fart, you can never be a part.

Angie Yu: 50:40

I'm pretty proud of that.

Kristy Yee: 50:42

I know. Right? It's really good. Jay Ray says it was funny listening to this talk. I like how y'all opened up about turning 30. Cause I'm about to in a month. Ooh, congrats. Happy birthday. Everything resonated even about having a difficult time saying I love you too, mom. Yeah. That's a tough one. Have you done it yet? No. Or even hugging mom. I actually hugged my mum the other day. It was really weird. I allowed her to do it. Sometimes she'll be like, Oh, I'm mama. which means like hug, hug in Cantonese. And then she'll like open up her arms, you know? And then like 99% of the time I'll be like, no, and then I'll walk away. uh, but the other day I was like, Hmm, And then I just, stood there. So me standing there is showing invitation that I allow this to happen.

Angie Yu: 51:27

Cringe, cringe.

Kristy Yee: 51:29

So Jay Ray finishes off saying, I appreciate y'all vulnerability and loved listening. Y'all a dope team. Awesome. And then also, also commented on episode 12 saying, dang, I feel what William is talking about. I love that he is going in his vulnereable self and being so real. Oh man. That toxic vibe of my mom being so mean towards certain things in my life. It makes it feel so unfair.

Angie Yu: 51:52

Hmm.

Kristy Yee: 51:53

So thank you so much, Jay Ray for leaving that comment for us. And if y'all want to have your comments read out please leave us some. what more can we say? If you want to be showed it out, send us a DM on Instagram

Angie Yu: 52:10

Or leave a comment on one of our Instagram posts.

Kristy Yee: 52:12

or leave us a comment on Apple podcasts. That would be super awesome. Plus bonus is that. Apple podcasts has algorithms and for more people to be able to find us leaving a comment, rating us, liking subscribing all of that is actually really helpful to have other people find us more easily. Ooh, we now have audio message available. Link is in the show notes where you can just click into the link and you can record us a quick comment or even questions or whatever, because I don't know about you, but I don't type very good.

Angie Yu: 52:48

And also you don't need very good. That's true. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But just know when you're reading the comments, you are struggling. That's all right. That came off. Totally me. But what I meant is this is my way of telling our audience to please do an audio message, because I would personally like to hear from you directly then here, Christie reading our comments.

Kristy Yee: 53:10

Next time you're going to read the comment. So. Okay.

Angie Yu: 53:12

Yeah. Dammit.

Kristy Yee: 53:18

we talked about why sex is a taboo how do we define sex? And the definition we came up with is don't try to define sex cause it's different for everybody. And as long as everybody comes sense.

Angie Yu: 53:29

And then we talked about embracing our own sexuality and being comfortable with your own sexuality. And Christie is on her journey. She's trying to learn more about herself and her own sexuality. I had some not so great times in my journey with previous partners, people I dated were not dated and because of a. Issue and my relationship this, so basically the issue was like, we both could come, I'll just say it straight out. Like we both just could not finish. And it just made ourselves think that it was our ourselves when it was just both of us in our own heads. And ever since, we talked about it, everything's been fine.

Kristy Yee: 54:02

And so the final key takeaway is communication because when is that? Not one of our takeaways. oh, Oh. And next episode. Ooh, we're doing something very special. Our next episode dropping January 17th, we are doing a collab with our very good friend, Karen from MX Asian American podcast. And we're going to do a special two part series and we will continue to talk more about sex and identity. So stay tuned for that. All right. Have fun. Exploring your own sexuality. Everybody. Thank you for listening.