24. Life After Surviving a Traumatic Car Accident ft. Kelli Chu

Kelli Chu survived a traumatic car accident from a drunk driver. She opens up about the regrets, the dark places, and what she hasn’t told her mom about from the incident. And of course, there’s still the everyday struggles for women in their 30s: career, marriage, and kids.

Highlights:

• Kelli’s story of how she almost had her hand amputated 
• How to forgive the person who caused you trauma 
• Being afraid to tell your family what haunts you
• Internal conflicts about the master timeline for Chinese women  
• How the relationship with our parents influences us more than we think

Takeaways:

• Live life day by day because sometimes, there's just no better option 
• We don't always have the answers
• Regret holds you back; it keeps you in the past
• No matter what your relationship is like with your mom, it will still influence you

Resources:

• Living After Surviving (Blog)
• @itskellichu (Instagram)

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Transcript

Kelli Chu: 0:00

The time that I had alone in the hospital, like right when the accident happened. And then the week after that, it was just the, it was basically the worst week days of my life. more so because I was, you know, I was in a foreign country Australia, they speak English, but it's still, it wasn't home. It wasn't my home. they do things differently from what I'm used to in the States. And. and I obviously did not have any of my friends or family. they were miles and miles away. And yeah, so I was getting emotional and I was thinking about it just being, you know, laying in the hospital bed and not knowing what's going to happen next.

Kristy Yee: 1:00

Welcome back to another episode of shit. We don't tell them, mom, this is Christie

Angie Yu: 1:04

and this is angie.

Kristy Yee: 1:05

And today we have Kelli Chu with us. Kelli is super inspirational. When I read your stories, multiple versions of your stories, I'm like, wow. So Kelli's been through a. Life-changing traumatic event, I would say I don't want to give away spoilers cause I want Kelly to talk about that, so Kelli why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself?

Kelli Chu: 1:29

Sure. thanks again for having me here. I, well, I live in LA originally from the Bay area. and I, I have an older brother and older sisters, so I'm the youngest. and yeah, I'm just really a family oriented and I have a nine to five job in digital marketing. and then I'm also, yeah, like I'm a writer. I have a blog and I'm getting into motivational speaking right now. So but that's all based on my, of course, my story, which I'll tell you now this took place 10 years ago and I was studying abroad in Australia. And I was studying, acting the performing arts. And I was about 22, 21, 22. And I was, you know, I was having the greatest time of my life. I was exploring and just living. I was, I was there supposed to be for a one year program. And I think in the, in the second or third month you know, I was, again, I was meeting a lot of different international people and students, so we were all just kind of hanging out and having fun and going to different places around Australia, which was really nice. but then one night we read house parties, some of us, and there's that like maybe 30, 40 people there. And yeah, we were just, again, dancing, having a good time drinking one thing to another, and I ended up getting into, to a car with a drunk driver and I was in the back seat. And I don't, obviously, I don't remember a lot of the car accident itself. It was, it happened so quickly. I just kind of remember the car swerving and I woke up and. I will come to the hospital basically. And, but still like, everything was a blur. I didn't know what was going on. but then I saw a doctor approached me and he said, you know, Kelly, we may need to amputate your left hand and that's, you're not registered to me at all. I blacked out, I think, and then sometime later I woke up and. I just see like both my hands heavily bandaged. And I was like, well, what, like what the fuck is going on? I don't, you know, I knew obviously something happened. Cause I remember being in the car, I just didn't know exactly what I was still out of it. I was drugged up. I passed out again, I believe. And then I think it was, you know, the next day when I was really, when all these nurses and doctors came around, And just basically briefed me. And what into what happened that I was in a car accident that they basically have to pull me out. There's different stories, I guess. Cause the car, I guess, flipped over or I heard one story that I was each like rejected out the window. Like it was just all these different things. I don't really know if anyone really knew what happened. but yeah, they were just telling me. You know, my injuries that basically my left hand, they managed to save. They didn't have to amputate it. Thank God. but they had to reconstruct it by using or taking muscle nerve and skin from my right leg. and then my right hand had ulnar nerve damage. so that affects like the pinky and the movement of the pinky and the ring finger. So they had to put a nerve there for it to grow back basically. So I was in Australia in that specifically for one month and I had to withdraw from my program from school. My family came eventually to the hospital. And they, they took me back to the States. So the United States and California, and I had to finish up my therapy and surgeries there. So I've had a total of 11 surgeries within a four year recovery period. So you know, it, yeah, it's a whole thing. And I just, I kind of always emphasized, I always remember that. The time that I had alone in the hospital, like right when the accident happened. And then the week after that, it was just the, it was basically the worst week days of my life. more so because I was, you know, I was in a foreign country you know, Australia, they speak English, but it's still, it wasn't home. It wasn't my home. they do things differently from what I'm used to in the States. And. and I obviously did not have any of my friends or family. they were miles and miles away. And yeah, so I was getting emotional and I was thinking about it just being, you know, laying in the hospital bed and not knowing what's going to happen next. And I had so many, so many questions, so much anxiety. and w actually also the worst thing was that. Doctors and nurses couldn't give me answers. they, cause they didn't know either what would become of my, of my injuries. It was unique. It was, the hand functioning part. They didn't know if I was gonna live independently again. so it was just not getting answers and having that anxiety and just being alone in the hospital then. Sorry. It was really hard. It was really hard. just being alone with that.

Kristy Yee: 6:36

I have goosebumps right now. It's coming from my face all the way down to my legs too. And I was also just want to say thank you for sharing that story, for being so, so brave and vulnerable about that. I. I can't imagine what those days were like when you were in the hospital, when you woke up and, the doctors were telling you all these different messagings, do you remember, what was that like for you and what were the thoughts going through your head?

Kelli Chu: 7:05

I was just really confused. I didn't know what to believe, but I think I remember mostly just kind of blaming myself and having a lot of regrets. Cause it was, you know, it was my decision to go into a car with a drunk driver and you know, the other thing was that I did not have my seat belt on So all of that, like I actually thought I was, it was so weird. I actually thought that the police were going to come and I was going to get in trouble or something for it. And yeah. And that's all I really remember solely thinking about, then yeah, the nurses and doctors, what they were telling me was it just didn't seem real. It didn't seem like I didn't really believe it because they didn't, it didn't seem that big. They believed what they were saying. And I got mixed messages too from like different doctors. It was a whole thing where no one knew what, what was gonna happen. So I just had to, like, I don't know. I just had to sit there and kind of. Stew in my own thoughts and kind of, I don't know, take it day by day, I guess, and see what, what, what message I would get the next day and stuff, but it was really hard. And, but, but what really helped also was, you know, I, I had my international friends and so they did come and visit me in the hospital, which was really nice. and they give me a lot of support support, you know, in messages.

Kristy Yee: 8:22

It's so scary to not know of what's to come in any situation, like fear of the unknown, right? That's a thing that people say. And, and when you wake up and someone tells you that, Oh, we might have to amputate your hands. Holy fucks, you know, and then

Angie Yu: 8:39

like, no wonder you passed out again. Like I would just be like

Kristy Yee: 8:44

music, man, what kind of a

Angie Yu: 8:45

nightmare? I just woke up. We might have to chop

Kelli Chu: 8:48

off your hand. Yeah. I just woke up and that's the first thing that they tell me. And this looks like and I was like in a room like on, you know steel or I guess steel. You know, bed or whatever. And I just remember them, like all these lights on me and all these people like rushing around me. and they were taking off my clothes. So everything was, yeah, it was just a crazy night. I wanted to just knock out because I didn't want to deal with it kind of, and I did so.

Kristy Yee: 9:19

And then the second time when you woke up, that was after the skin graft and, and when they had, I don't even know what the medical term is, but put nerves.

Kelli Chu: 9:29

Yeah. I mean, I always call it. Yeah, just reconstructed my hand. it took though like three major surgeries in the hospital to do that as far as my left hand. but yeah, when I woke up, I, I think I was in, I just had surgery, so I was still in like that recovery room. so there was a nurse there. They have, they gave me I like that button too, that I can push to release pain medication, I guess. So I just remember that. And then, yeah, that's about it,

Kristy Yee: 9:56

Did you know that that what's going to happen, that they were going to reconstruct her hand or did you just wake up and it was your hand is now different.

Kelli Chu: 10:04

No, I didn't know. Cause I mean, that was the last thing I heard was that they might need to amputate it. but then like, it was all bandaged up. So I don't, I couldn't really see anything So I didn't know. Yeah. I didn't know what was, what was, what my hand look like. but I do remember the doctor telling me that they were going to take some like. It's a muscle, basically from my right leg for something. But, you know, even then I didn't know what that meant or like what exactly they were doing, you know? Cause they didn't really, you know, I was out of band. They didn't really tell me much,

Kristy Yee: 10:33

I would assume in shock too. Cause so much shit had just happened. And then you're in you're by yourself in a foreign country just had this huge impact and Oh my gosh. And so then when you did find out that they had. Reconstructed your hands. Did it feel different for you at all to think like your hands are now different than the ones that you had before?

Kelli Chu: 10:55

yeah. I mean, it took some time because the skin graph had to, like they had to let it heal on its own for like a certain amount of time and always checked on it. But I wasn't able to move my hands yet, so I obviously saw them and what it looked like, and I just remember my left hand was like a big when they did unravel the vantages. they, it w it looked like a, my brother refers to it as like a puffer fish. It was like huge. It was like a big copper mesh with like needles coming on that needles, but like, you know I guess needles. Yeah, needles coming out. And my, my fingers were, you know, not. Position, they were position weird and wrong. And it was like, you know what it is right now, which is like a call like form, like a monster hand. so yeah, that was just seeing that initially. Like that was really, that was scary. It was scary to be like, Whoa, like this is my new hand. And then more questions in my mind of like, what, how am I supposed to, like, what's. What am I able to do now? Am I going to be a hundred percent hand functional? Like what's going on? And then I don't think anyone really knew that though. had to go through the therapy and see what I could do with it. Hand therapy.

Angie Yu: 12:03

When your family, they came over to visit you, like what, what were their emotions like? What was their reaction?

Kelli Chu: 12:09

I remember just seeing them for the first time. And they were just happy to see me alive, basically. but I do remember, you know, I, I felt this, I felt like I was, I disappointed them in a way because of my decisions, but, from their perspective, they didn't say they didn't say anything at all like that to me, they didn't like schooled me or anything like that. And like, why did you do this? And they just really They were just really happy to see me be okay. I was still, you know, that I was smiling when they were there and that I was comfortable I guess, in my hospital bed. Cause I've been there for so long now and I, cause they came, they came maybe like a, a week or two after the initial accident. So yeah. They were just spent it just spend time with me and they just, that's all they wanted to do.

Kristy Yee: 12:53

And then internally, cause you mentioned, you know, on the surface, you're smiling and being, being quote unquote. Okay. Internally, were there any feelings of shame or guilt? Cause you did mention, some regretful thoughts were coming up and you had all these, you know, Oh my gosh. Maybe I should have worn a seatbelt type things. What was that like for you at the time?

Kelli Chu: 13:16

Yeah, I did have those thoughts. It came in waves. you know, obviously when my family was there, I felt the happiest cause they were there. But even when they were there, I did have moments of like, Just being a disappointment in, you know, in their eyes. And I felt embarrassed that, I didn't have my seatbelt on and that's something that my mother always taught me when I was younger. And just internally I didn't know I don't know. Yeah, it was slowly just kind of, you know, eating at me and, and I I had moments of just being had bad, really bad days of just sitting in my negative thoughts and down and going down that rabbit hole, replaying that night. you know, always kind of like what if I didn't do this or that? and also like, I would feel bad when I did see like my international friends, people I made friends with over there, they were continuing with their, abroad program, you know, so they were like still exploring, having fun. And I remember just, seeing that and that really, I hated that because I was stuck in the hospital with all of my injuries and I couldn't do that. I couldn't, I totally thought that that was something I lost and it was my fault. And I was just really mad at myself, really mad at myself about that.

Angie Yu: 14:30

And how did you work through that? All those negative thoughts. How did you get to a point where you came to be where you're at now? Basically? Like how did you deal with those thoughts?

Kelli Chu: 14:42

Yeah, I mean, during that time in Australia and even, when I came back to the States it, it was. It was difficult to, to figure out, I guess, and I guess how to best handle it. but you know, I, as I was kind of complaining and, after every surgery complaining and being just so exhausted of each surgery and really just thinking of those negative thoughts in crying all the time, I. I eventually got old. Like it eventually was like, Oh my God, like this so exhausting to be so like just this complainer. and this is like during, you know, my therapy sessions too. It was really frustrating to do things I couldn't do. And I had to relearn everything, especially like the daily tasks, like you know, my brain wanted to do something, but my hands couldn't. I remember like, With an ATM machine. I was able to put my debit card in, but I couldn't take it out. And that's how weak my hand was. So just like those little things, you know that really frustrated me and I would cry every day but I think what I felt was I can't just complaining all the time. It, it got me nowhere. There was no. It was so exhausting that I was still in the same situation as I am now, if I was complaining all the time. So the only other choice I had was to move on with the days. You know, every day was something new. Everyday was a new opportunity for me to get better and better at my hand exercises or whatnot. so that was kind of the, you know, the changing of my mindset. Because that's, that's basically the only choice I had. I had to do something or else I would just sit there and kind of go down that rabbit hole and just, think of all these negative thoughts. And that got old, that got tiring for me. And so I just decided, you know what, I need to do something I need to go the other way and think positive thoughts, be hopeful and just take it day by day. That's what I did. I took it day by day. I didn't look in the future so much. And when, if I did, you know, during the day I would just kind of change my mindset and be like, Nope, today is going to be a new day. So I always kind of had to do that with my mind.

Angie Yu: 16:52

And now, you know, 10 years later you're sitting here you're looking really upbeat. you're gesturing with your hands. Like, how are your hands doing now?

Kelli Chu: 17:00

It's good. I mean, yeah, I would just, it's so much like I said, people didn't know was going to be independent again, living independently, but now, like I'm kind of made that my goal, like after all of my surgeries and therapy, I was like, no, I planned to move to LA. and that's what I did. And that was by myself and I live alone and I was like, no, I'm going to do it. Like, I'm going to continue what I wanted to do. but I had to, and obviously relearn everything. With my hands. And that just took a lot of adjusting and adapting, finding other solutions and finding ways I can, you know, open something or, or whatnot. It took me a long time to put my hair in a ponytail like it again. but I just adjusted and found a way so yeah, I mean, right now there, it's not like my left hand is not a hundred percent functional. it's more of like a helper hand and my right hand, I would say like 80% functional. What I rely on. So

Angie Yu: 17:51

speaks a lot to your character of how like positive your, even when you're talking about it, like, of course you get emotional when you're talking about waking up alone and, you know, reliving that, that. Would make anybody extremely emotional. I made us just completely speechless, which is very rare. We have a podcast it's very difficult to make full Kristy and I speechless. And I love that. I love how you talk about the adaptability, right? Like that makes you who you are. This experience has tested your own creativity and your own ingenuity to find ways to live your life day by day again. You mentioned you're writing a memoir about your story and that you want to become a motivational speaker. I think those like very human stories about how we overcome these little things, like learning how to tie a ponytail. Like that's, it seems like such a small thing, but I think like it says a lot. about the whole experience. So thank you so much for sharing that. My question is when you were talking about becoming independent and cause you didn't know if that was going to be something that was achievable. The question that popped into my head is do you think, you know, of course everything you went through did change, you know, you said it was a life changing event. Do you think it changed any of your core beliefs or your values?

Kelli Chu: 19:07

like my core beliefs I had before the accident.

Angie Yu: 19:09

Yeah.

Kelli Chu: 19:11

I feel like maybe if anything, it enhanced it more. because I mean, the only thing, you know, as far as independence, that was. Basically, the main reason why I wanted to study abroad. You know, I'm the youngestof three and I was always babied and I know I was 21. It was, it was sort of time for me to find my independence and I really had a vision and goal for that. And that's why I wanted to study abroad not knowing anyone and living there for like a year. To gain that independence and, and, you know, find myself who I am, who I want to be. because I was always kind of attached to my family and what they believed. so it was, it was time for me to find out what I believed so I was always a strong, I guess, advocate for independence during that time, but then. this happened and it really, yeah. It, but because I had to do so many things like relearn everything online. Question of, you know, if I were to be independent again and I just, I gained so much shaking so much about what, I mean, it would be like the same thing as if I maybe studied abroad and continued my program is that I found a lot. I learned a lot about myself and what I can do, what was I capable of doing? And like you said, like being creative and finding a way, finding a solution. And so yeah, I think it enhanced and I, and then I wanted to continue. I wanted to go move to LA by myself, not knowing anyone and continue with my goals and dreams. And that's what I did. I just had to wait until all these surgeries and therapy ended and then I was, but you know, during that whole time, that's what I had in my mind. I think that's helped. That helps me to, think stronger and, gain strength with my exercises and just knowing that I still had that vision of going and being a dependent again.

Kristy Yee: 21:00

it's kind of weird how, you decided to go study abroad because when you're young, that's what you do. You just travel and discover yourself and, you know, it's your first time really being away from family. And that was what you were seeking for. And of course, no one expects. Ever something bad is going to happen to us. It's always going to happen to another person, but we never think that it would ever happen to us. And then when it did, you still ended up gaining all of those experiences that you were searching for, which is having that independence and, pushing yourself to the boundaries, to see how far you can go. Just in a completely different way.

Angie Yu: 21:40

And if anything had like pushed you to literally like the edge of your boundaries of testing, going down, back to the basics of like relearning, how to control your hands, like, it's an incredible story.

Kelli Chu: 21:51

Yeah. And my plan before the accident was pursuing an acting career. And yeah, moving to LA for that. And so I picked up where I left off basically after the accident and, pursued acting. But then I realized I was just a changed person. I was a different person now because of this traumatic event it made me. More self aware it made me appreciate, of course, life. It made me appreciate other people. How, everyone is going through something. They must be going through something. And to be. Less selfish and more selfless in a way, because I remember even before the accident, I felt really like entitled. I felt like I was doing everything for myself, but like after the accident, I wanted to get to know other people who had similar stories as me. And just learning about other people in general. which really, yeah, I dunno. Just the whole event just really made me it enlightened so much for me around me. so I was pursuing acting. And in my acting class, I was writing my own monologues and I did my own short film and that's where I kind of fell in love with like storytelling and. My own story, like writing in general too. And that's why I created the blog and kind of wanting to reach other people, other stories out there. so I am not doing acting anymore. I'm like pursuing, writing and motivational speaking. so it's like, yeah, it was just, it's different. It's different. It's like the same, but no, it's like, it's different now because I'm a different person.

Angie Yu: 23:21

You still have a dream. It's just your dream is now more in line with your life circumstances.

Kelli Chu: 23:27

Yeah, exactly.

Kristy Yee: 23:27

Yeah And I think that's all part of life is pivoting to whatever life really throws at you. Right. And then through that journey, you kind of figure out what is it that you really want? What is it that really brings you joy? And you mentioned, you know, having that goal of. wanting to be independent again, you know, and, and focusing on that, not really helped you throughout the recovery too. And I think, just by having that, having some sort of a vision, no matter how the path is going to move, but just having that, it really helps motivate us to get to wherever it is that we need to, however it is that we get there,

Angie Yu: 24:03

it makes us want to take life day by day, because we're like, there's no other way to get there, to get to that, you know, goal or success point that you want, unless you take things day by day

Kristy Yee: 24:15

and then adding to that too, is like sometimes we have goals, but then we're so fixated on the goal that we are not taking it day by day. Does that like, does that make sense? Because we're like, we're not celebrating the everyday wins. A lot of times we're like, okay, well, this, this thing is checked off. Okay. Now onto the next thing and onto the next thing until I get to that goal. But I think what I'm hearing from you, Kelly, is that you had this goal, it really helped you move along the journey, especially because there was so much emotional that came with it. Right. And kind of helped you pull yourself out of that dark pit because yeah, you w you had this vision, but you also allowed yourself through therapy that. You know what I'm just going to live day by day and every day I'm going to step towards that goal. But whether it's going to be a big step or a little step, it's still a step. And then you allow yourself to celebrate that day by day.

Kelli Chu: 25:07

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, that's perfectly said.

Angie Yu: 25:10

She's really good at summarizing things.

Kelli Chu: 25:12

Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. I want to mention that like, So before the accident, when I was saying that I was sort of, I was just, you know, I was 20, 20, 21 and I had that vision, that goal. And I feel like this is a lot of young people, but you just don't know. You're just so ignorant. You know, you don't know how, how much it'll take to get to your goal. And then you think it's going to be easy and everything is going to be perfect. It's going to align, your way. But then this accident happened to me. I'm like, Oh yeah, that'll be really hard. and it's, changed me too. You know, it changed my perspective of like, like you said, like, you know, you don't think that these happen, these things happen to, to ourselves. Like it happens to other people, but it did happen to me. It just made me appreciate every day.

Kristy Yee: 26:00

I also feel like just hearing our story. We need to really appreciate the little things like right Yes Yes because you wouldn't really appreciate the ability to tie your hair up in a ponytail until you lose that ability.

Angie Yu: 26:17

I read this article the other day that was talking about how we think that we're motivated by negative things like, Oh, Regret and guilt. So people like to, you know, guilt trip friends or guilt trip, family members to hopefully motivate them into doing something. And I find like guilt tripping is like really, really common in our culture. But I feel like, you know a lot of times, like maybe our parents don't understand that guilt tripping is not a good way to do things, but I was reading this article about how, like, there's a reason why the dead gets more flowers than the live people than the, than the alive, because they live

Kristy Yee: 26:52

the living, the living the dead, and they are trying to compensate by throwing flowers at their grave. The word sounds

Angie Yu: 27:01

horrible. Like the phrase was regret is a stronger emotion than gratitude. And I was like, okay, I can see that. I can see that it's a stronger emotion. It doesn't mean that it's a more helpful emotion, because like you said, when you were feeling really regretful and you were waking up in the hospital, just being really like, if this happened, what if that happened? Like, I regret this, I regret that. it's a really strong emotion and like almost debilitated you, right. And it makes you, it holds you back. I feel like regret holds you back because it makes you just keep thinking about the past. but then for you Kelly, like where I saw that. Your story kind of aligned with what I was reading about is when you were like, yeah, I can't, I'm exhausted. I can't, I'm tired of it being regretful. I'm tired of feeling all this like guilt about what I would, could have happened. I'm just going to look forward. And then your tone changed to gratitude. You're like, I'm grateful that I can do these little things. I'm grateful my family is here to support me. That shift between. But that shift in your story from regret to gratitude is where, from the perspective, as someone listening to your story is where things started to pick up.

Kelli Chu: 28:12

Yeah. I mean, it was almost like when I was regretting. I just don't like that feeling of complaining, it was almost like it was, I was just kind of screaming for attention almost, you know? And for someone to tell me, like, you know, no, it's not your fault. I don't know if I was looking for that, but, or maybe I was, but I, when I kept on doing it, I just noticed that that time was the days were moving. Time was moving. Everyone was kind of just living, their daily lives like normal. And I just, yeah, like I just got tired of. How come, I'm not doing that. How come I'm not able to, to keep on living day by day. And I should, I should live that day by day. I was just exhausted, complaining all the time and being like a baby in a way. And I just wanted to focus now on like, let's just, it's just time to focus on the positive too. It's too much negative, you know?

Kristy Yee: 29:07

I have a question and this is like, I don't know where this is going to go, but how, how are you? Wow. I think it's because I'm uncomfortable because I don't know if this is going to pull more negative feelings Do you, how do you feel about the drunk driver Ooh,

Kelli Chu: 29:32

I'm a very, I mean, I would say I'm pretty, we call it maybe a poll apologetic. I always kind of thought maybe I still have trouble dealing with this, but I always feel like everything is my fault, especially then, you know? and what I thought about like, you know, having my seat belt on going into the car, but I, I don't know. I sort of w then I really blocked it out kind of like him in general. and just felt, I mean, it's crazy to say, but just felt like it was all of our faults, which it was. realistically. but I don't know. I, you know, he did visit me in the hospital and he wasn't even a good friend. He was just someone who was at the house and was just, you know, we all decided to go get more alcohol and he was going to drive. So I didn't really know him that well. But he did visit me and made me a couple of days after the accident in the hospital. And I, I don't know what, I don't really remember what I, I think I just remember feeling, not anger, not, not sadness, nothing like that. It was just, he was nothing to me. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was kind of, I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense, but like it's just a, he was not. He gave me flowers he's he apologized. but I don't remember. I don't, it didn't mean anything, I guess to me him being there in his words, like, it just didn't mean anything. Cause I don't want to say like I was rude and didn't say anything or, you know, didn't accept his apology. it was just, I don't maybe untilthis day too, it's just, I didn't, I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I have to feel anything if that makes sense, of course he apologized and I, and I, I, you know, I accept and, but I think, like I said, I feel like it was all of our faults. we could've made, wiser decisions that night and yeah, so I don't, yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I feel right now. I just don't. I don't think about it. Sort of blocked it out because I don't have to, I don't have to think about it.

Angie Yu: 31:24

I think that's very mature and very like you said, you became really self aware and this whole expanse was about yourself and about the decisions you made and how you grappled with regret and how you overcame that. and also overcoming all the physical difficulties as well. like you said, like, you don't feel anything about him because it's not about him. Like this whole thing is about you. So I think that make, that makes a lot of sense, actually. I think the fact that you're like, I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I have to feel anything. I think that's really healthy. I think that's really absolutely

Kelli Chu: 31:55

healthy. Yeah. I mean, it probably would be different if it was like a good friend. since he was sort of like this, just this person who I didn't, I really didn't know him that well at all. so

Kristy Yee: 32:06

yeah, some dude. Yeah. It's just some dude.

Angie Yu: 32:11

Was he

Kristy Yee: 32:11

not

Kelli Chu: 32:11

injured? No. Yeah. So he wasn't injured and then there was another passenger in the front seat. so they, I was the only one that got injured and they were fine.

Kristy Yee: 32:52

I want to shift gears a little bit during, when we were talking you had mentioned that. you're now really embracing this life of being independent. And now, you live on your own and you're able to do a lot of the things that you had wanted to do, but there's a lot of pressure around timeline for women, especially in the Asian, Chinese culture of. Getting certain things done, like getting married and having kids and blah, blah, blah. And this was something that you had mentioned to us offline. yeah. Where are you at? Right. Like, what is all, what is that like for you right now?

Kelli Chu: 33:26

It it's to be honest, it is a ongoing. Battle. I feel like I have with myself. Because I think it's because I feel so strongly about not being on this master timeline of getting married, having kids, you know, and then the Chinese traditions and stuff. and that's the thing is that I don't think I receive a lot of pressure from my own family, as much as other people do other women, but it's still on my mind for some reason, because I don't know because I mean, I do get, you know, some comments here and there from my family, my extended family even some of my friends now, I remember I visited a place where I grew up in I was with some old friends I haven't seen in awhile. And I think this was like last year. And they were all ma not married, but they were all like in relationships and, some were engaged and literally, I was asked three times that night. Why am I not. Why I'm single. Why am I not in a relationship? And do I ever think about having kids? Like, how come you're not thinking about it now? Cause I'm old.

Kristy Yee: 34:33

Cause you're old.

Kelli Chu: 34:35

Yeah. We're getting older and Kelly. I mean, just the thought that I was asked three times that same night by basically the same person and another person. Cause I answered the first time and it's not, everyone was like, not good enough for them. So then they had to ask me again. So just that was mind blowing. I was like, what's up? Like why, why do you even care? And I didn't say that. I just said my answer. I was like, I don't feel the need to. I don't feel pressure and I don't feel the need like maybe. Yeah. I'm, I'm happy where I am. I'm single, I'm working on my career right now. if I have kids in the future. Great. If I don't, that's great too. Like I, I'm not, I don't feel like I have to get married and have kids right away right now. And I guess that answer wasn't wasn't good enough. So I just felt really judged. I felt judged by that person. And so I was like, Oh, geez, I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm still getting questions like that. Especially from like a friend of mine. so I do get those comments from my family too. And I think now though, Because I have support from my mom who actually like, yeah, she supports my decisions and stuff and he doesn't pressure me at all. she supports me with my other family members and kind of tells them to kind of leave me alone. So I kind of had that and it just. It got better. I guess what I'm saying. as of right now, I don't get as much pressure these words in my ears. but internally though, I, and for myself, I do think about it sometimes to be honest, master timeline as I get older. But I don't believe in it. I don't believe I don't. I'm truly don't believe in it. so I don't know. I think it's just a struggle that I have to keep on reminding myself to that, like, I'm doing great. I'm doing great. And I still feel this way about kids. Like if I have kids great. If I, if I don't like, I'm not ready for a kid right now, for sure. Like, I just want to do my own thing. I think it's really important. For women, especially to accomplish their own goals and dreams and take care of themselves before they take care of other people. that includes being in a relationship too. I think there's, you know, when you're in a relationship, there has to be individualism, you know, they have to be, they have to have their own thing. That's what I believe. So that's what I'm trying to figure out right now you know, being satisfied with being alone and discovering my own individualism.

Angie Yu: 36:47

I love that. And I really relate as well because same thing, like my mom also fends off the relative questions she's off. She like, like she like sends them off. most of my relatives are back in China, so in China I became a leftover women like five years ago, that's a thing over there. So she can kind of just blame everything on the West. She's like, you know, in the West women are more focused on themselves and they don't get married till much later. And then my relatives are just like, okay, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. So my mom does the same thing. She supports me as well, but I really like, not in my head. I don't know if you noticed, I was really nodding my head when you were like, it's more of a battle with, and then I was expecting you to say like my family, and then you said myself and I was like, boom, like. Yeah. Like, I feel the exact same way. Like there isn't, there aren't really anybody like pressuring me directly, but I feel like it is a battle with myself as well, because like, especially during the whole COVID thing, like every time I go onto Facebook, I see people get engaged. There's been like, I think I just like make it into a game or something. Like every time I see an engagement, take a shot, but yeah, like literally in the last three months I saw it. Countless couples get engaged, which I'm so happy for them because they're there on their mind. They're probably like if we could survive a pandemic together, get married, sounded like the world is ending. Let's get married. We don't have to have a big wedding. We can save money. Let's go, whatever their reason was like super happy for them. But I was just like, I think I was projecting that. Pressure onto myself. Cause every time I saw it, I was like, should I be doing this? Do they know something that I don't know? Like, is that the way to life? Like, am I doing it wrong? So yeah. I totally like when you said, like it's more of a battle with myself. I was like,

Kelli Chu: 38:37

yeah, definitely. Just, this battle. Like when I do see stuff like that, or just my friends having their second child and, you know, that's the same age as me. Like, it's just, it is ringing some bells in my hand that are like, Hmm, like, yeah. Am I supposed to be living this life? Or, but then I always say that I always revert back and like, no, no, I don't because I'm not ready. I'm good. I'm good. So stop. Trying to compare, with other people and feeling like you have to be on their level. So it's just always that battle.

Angie Yu: 39:07

Yeah. Need to normalize that internal battle, I think because you know, and it's becoming more and more acceptable. I know it was definitely a lot harder for women older than us. Like the older generations to kind of choose a life where they don't go down the street. Master timeline. and for our generation, we just have to, like, we talk about it. We're like we will, you know, like modern feminism, we can do whatever the fuck we want, but we still have these internal battles and we still need to normalize it. Like it's okay. Right. We are sometimes you question and yourself and it's okay. That sometimes you have this internal, argument in your head, like, yes, no, yes, no, he has no cause that's normal, right? Because we are taught. Certain things and we try to unlearn them, but we're still a product of our environment. We absorb all these things from our environment. We see everyone doing these things and social creatures. We're like, should I be doing the same thing? So get accepted into this tribe so that I don't get picked off by the saber toothedtiger, you know, like, yeah. Like I think that there's something that I really believe in as well. Like we have to normalize the fact that. Yes. We know that as women of the 20th century and especially in North America, we're very, very privileged where we have had a lot more, right. It's been some women in other parts of the world. We have a lot more rights than women before us. and we are grateful. We are grateful for that. But it's not perfect. It doesn't mean that we can just choose a path and be like live happily ever after, because we are still going to struggle in our debate probably forever

Kristy Yee: 40:38

and I think the point about comparison and that comes up a lot too, right? Like we all know what we see on social media is all curated, but we can't help. But compare ourselves. And because we have such easy access, like the phone is in my hands, like 16 hours a day. Right. As most as I try to not go on. Yeah. It's sometimes it's a subconscious thing. My thumbs will just automatically hit Instagram and I'm like, Whoa, what am I doing?

Angie Yu: 41:08

this right now.

Kristy Yee: 41:12

It's the whole comparison thing. I feel like, as millennials, we grew up being taught, like we can do whatever we want and women empowerment. The message is louder than ever right now, which is great. So, and I feel like the three of us really agree with this but then we also see all the shit on Instagram. Like people get engaged, people getting married, and then like, sometimes our families are going to be like, why are you not married? You're going to be an old spinster. And then friends are doing the same thing too. So we're, we're getting a lot of these messaging, mixed messaging. And so I almost find it even harder for women today. Like as millennials cause we're in like. 30 late twenties, early thirties. Right? That is even harder for us because we're being told different and things. And we might, you know what I mean? Like, whereas maybe in the past, the path seemed more linear regarding whether or not they wanted to go down those paths. That's a different story, but the path was more linear now it's like, Whoa, there's so many. Yes coming in. Yeah. I don't

Angie Yu: 42:14

know if we have a harder, because it's

Kristy Yee: 42:16

always like subjective, right? Like, I don't want to

Angie Yu: 42:19

compare to what other woman has kind of gone through in the past, but there's definitely, I think

Kristy Yee: 42:26

the conflict is different. It's a different, a very

Angie Yu: 42:28

different conflict because now we're like, people are like, why are you complaining? Like you can do whatever the fuck you want. And then it's like, yeah, I know I can do whatever the fuck I want. It doesn't mean that it's like all dandy and like smooth sailing and smooth ride. Right. I think that's the part where it's like that internal struggle. Like maybe it's just in our heads. I don't, I don't know. Right. But it is. Something that we should still be allowed to

Kristy Yee: 42:50

do basically. And so what if it's in our heads, it is in our heads. This is an internal conflict, right? It's like, yes. Yay. independent women

Kelli Chu: 43:04

really

Angie Yu: 43:04

dating yourself. you mean? Megan thief? Vallian. The girl that sings WAP and Savage. Oh,

Kristy Yee: 43:19

you know what I mean, independent women, but then we also get similar messages of like, there's a biological clock in you. And I get

Angie Yu: 43:28

mixed messages from myself. Like I'll like the other day I saw two toddlers wearing like matching backpacks and I like nearly cried. It was just like so cute. I nearly cried. I'm like, can I just, can I, can I take one? You have to take what you have to. but then I'm like, wait, I don't want, I don't want kids right now. Like I'm not ready for kids right now. So it's just like, okay. Mixed messages from society and ourselves, right?

Kristy Yee: 43:52

Yeah. And what was I talking about? I was talking about comparison and that's the thing, like maybe some people are ready and like awesome. Right? Yeah. But then we have to think, like, it's not just, just because they're already, and they're 30, whatever doesn't mean that I need to be at that same level too, because you're right. When I think about kids, I'm like, first of all, second of all, it's like, I can not, I can't, I'm trying to learn how take care of myself right now. I'm trying to learn and, you know, meditate and figure out what it is that I want. Right. Life. I can't do that. If there's another. If there's a parasite. Wow.

Angie Yu: 44:39

Really loves kids clearly. Wow. I apologize to all the parents listening to this Christy is obviously biased because she does not want kids period.

Kristy Yee: 44:52

But the thing is, even though I say out loud, I don't want kids. I still think about, well, what if I want kids? Like what if one day I just wake up and I want kids, and then it's too late because of my fucking biological clock.

Kelli Chu: 45:05

You know.

Kristy Yee: 45:06

Yeah, totally. It seems like I'm very adamant about my choices, even then I still get these internal conflicts.

Kelli Chu: 45:15

Yeah. I think it's also because it deals with like the unknown too. We don't know anything can happen. I always think like, yeah, I say like, I don't, I'm fine with not having kids, but then what if I do meet. Someone, and then things just shift and change. And I feel differently about kids. I want to have kids with this person, so it's just, I don't know. Yeah. It's just different. I don't know.

Angie Yu: 45:39

We'll just have to adapt. You could take it day by day, you know? yeah, there are technology out there that can help us extend our biological capabilities a little bit nowadays. They're not great, but they're better than you. Nothing. And you can always adopt. Right. So my mom is a daycare teacher and she has met a lot of kids that were the result of IVF or the result of sperm, donors and stuff like that. And she's like, honestly, if you can't find your own, man, just go to a sperm donor. You'll have like the smartest cutest baby ever. And I'm like, mom and my dad's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. She should find a husband. No, no, no, no. My mom's like, and then my mom tells me like, there's this like parent who's a surgeon. And she's like incredibly intelligent and beautiful, but she doesn't have the time to find somebody. And she ended up going to a sperm donor having. Had a kid and that shit like that kid, my mom's like she's the smartest kid she's ever met. And then that, and then the mom like loved that process so much. She went back to the same sperm donor and had another kid. Oh, wow. Yeah. So there are all types of family situations out there, right? Like, yeah, I think it's just about normalizing it. And I was skeptical like when my mom told me the story, I'm like, I don't know if I can do that. But I think like, I think again, like anything in anything in life it's just about normalizing it. Right?

Kelli Chu: 47:08

Yeah. Totally. Whatever happens happens and we'll get to be okay with whatever happens, happens in the future.

Kristy Yee: 47:30

Okay. I'm just going to slide right in here right now for some feel good feedbacks because. You know, I'm mid editing and I feel like it's time for some feel good feedbacks. So we have, Nina and Madison. Who left us a message on iTunes and they say, Love these ladies. Absolutely love these ladies. They're banter, conversations, and jokes. Remind you of any pair of friends getting together for a good time. Thank you. That's what we try to do. Although they talk about some uncomfortable and serious topics. It's always super important and interesting. The conversations are full of inclusions, acceptance and very relatable. This podcast is great way to join in about normalizing the mental health conversations cannot wait to join them for future conversations. Nina and Madison from weekly wandering podcast also fell. Pod-casters. Thank you so much. Nina and Madison for dropping us. These lovely comments. And of course as always. If you want to share some love, please send us some DMS. Go on to iTunes. Leave us a comment. If you're not on iTunes, jump on to Stitcher. If you don't use Stitcher, just open up your. Browser and, and type some things in, in the text box because. It is awesome to receive these messages in whatever medium, but also it kind of helps with the algorithm too. If you leave comments like this for the podcast. Okay. Back to the episode.

Angie Yu: 48:58

so speaking of moms and because our show is called shit, we don't tell mom. Is there something that you're not telling your mom?

Kelli Chu: 49:05

Hmm. Gosh, that's, that's hard because I am close with my mom. so I do tell her a lot the thing, I don't really talk to her about, maybe there's like two things, two main things. One of the things is wearing my seatbelt. since she told me numerous of times when I was growing up. So I think that's kind of like a, a subject I don't like bringing up or just kind of how I feel about it. And, and yeah, so that's one thing. but yeah, we don't really talk about it at all. And then. I think the other thing is, which is going to make me sad again. But like said when she came to Australia for me she stayed for like a couple of months while I did all my therapy, hand therapy. And then, and then we left, but like she, she was out there while her, her own mother, my grandmother was not doing so well. health wise and. She was, you know, on the brink of, of you know, health wise, it was just, she, she just wasn't doing very well. And she was about to pass away basically. And she did, she did pass away the day before we came back to the States. And that day that we came back to the States. That's when Her siblings, my uncle and aunt, they told her that mom died and mom just passed away day before. They didn't want to tell her before a while we were in Australia. But that day, like when we arrived, I came back home. I, and no, just be knowing that, that was one of the deep regrets mine of like, Oh, like I caused that. I caused my mom not to. Be there when her mother passed, not being able to say goodbye to her own mother. That was, that was me. That was all me. Cause she was taking care of me in Australia. And that was just, that was really difficult as well. And I never really talked to her about it. yeah, I think I mentioned it, on that day and she's like, don't worry about it, obviously. It's not your fault at all. but to this day, that's it really, it really haunts me. It does. I don't think about it much, but when I do it does haunt me yeah. So that's one thing that I don't really talk about with her. And I don't really want to,

Kristy Yee: 51:13

You don't want to talk to her about this

Kelli Chu: 51:15

Yeah. I don't, I don't, there's never a time, I guess, that I would like to, or would want to. I, I don't know. I think, I think now it's been so long that I don't really think about it. yeah,

Angie Yu: 51:26

I think it's something that she doesn't want to talk about either.

Kelli Chu: 51:31

That's a very good question. That could, yeah, possibly yeah, because I know that, you know, she does mention some times that she wished she said goodbye without even thinking about me or the situation or anything, she would just kind of see a picture of my grandmother and just kind of mentioned it. yeah. So, yeah, I don't know.

Kristy Yee: 51:47

Wow. Thank you for sharing that

Angie Yu: 51:49

that's

Kristy Yee: 51:49

very difficult I'm sure.

Angie Yu: 51:51

yeah. And our moms, right? Like they're just incredible women, incredible people in our life. And even if you did talk to her about her, she'll probably just try to

Kristy Yee: 51:59

comfort you.

Angie Yu: 52:00

and I, and I understand why I understand why you don't want to talk to her about it because you don't wanna. Because she she's going to make it about you, right? Like, she's going to try to comfort you and that's of course what you don't want. Right. She's your mommy. And he's always going to

Kelli Chu: 52:16

put you first. Yeah. And she's also the tape like with her family, they weren't really open with their feelings, I guess it has to do with the Chinese, you know, way. And so, yeah, she's never really kind of, she is she, I mean, she is open with her feelings to me and her kids, but you know, with stuff like that, I don't think she would fully come out and say, yeah, like you said to her own daughter.

Kristy Yee: 52:39

From both ends from you and from your mom, these things are really. Upsetting and uncomfortable to talk about. And I think that's a big part of Chinese culture just avoiding talking about feelings. Cause it's, it's weird, whether it's love or guilt or regret. These are powerful emotions and because we're not used to talking about our feelings and it makes it even more super uncomfortable and awkward and. No one wants to go through feeling those things. In this hour that we've talked, I feel like we were, we've gotten to know each other and we've become really vulnerable. And you used the word haunting.

Kelli Chu: 53:15

That these

Kristy Yee: 53:16

feelings and these thoughts, haunts you when you do bring them out, what is a thought of even just the thought of talking to your mom about it? What, what does that feel like for you? Yes.

Kelli Chu: 53:29

I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's scary in a way. I dunno, not scared so much of like, Oh, I'm going to get. Like she's going to yell at me or anything like that. It's just, it's maybe the overall revisiting it. And how it went down, how, you know, we literally got off the plane and we get this news. And I just remember Just reliving that moment, I guess maybe. And I just remember her, crying, like really crying out loud when her siblings told her we were all here and. yeah, I dunno. I don't know. I don't really have a solid answer, I guess, cause I don't think about it too much, but yeah.

Kristy Yee: 54:03

We don't always have solid answers. We're actually a little,

Angie Yu: 54:07

we don't know anything besides that a lot on our podcasts, like where we don't know anything, we have to talk about it and hopefully find out some shit. That is one thing, like our podcast advocates for it. To have uncomfortable conversations because in my personal experience, having these uncomfortable conversations, especially with my mom has really improved my emotional wellbeing and. I can't speak for her because I don't know. Well, the things that she goes through, but I can see that she has become, like, after having a few really, really uncomfortable conversations with my mom, she has opened up to me a lot more and has just like, sometimes I'm like surprised by the things she tells me. Cause I'm like, I never imagined in a million years that she would tell her daughter or something like that.

Kristy Yee: 54:57

Hmm. Well, like what

Angie Yu: 54:58

this, like, this is something that she told me, like just today. So I don't know if I'm ready to share yet, but it's like,

Kristy Yee: 55:03

Oh, like it's sit in the discomfort. Okay. At this point Angie shares story. About her mom and dad and their relationship, but we are not going to put that out into the public because it's, Andrew's mom's story. And we want to respect her privacy, but having said that though, We're going to keep the conversation going. So. Bleep insert something about Angie's mom and dad. Oh, wow.

Angie Yu: 55:43

And my reaction was like, Oh, okay. I didn't judge her at all. If anything, I was like, Shit. Like my mom's normal. Yeah. Cause we think of our moms is just another normal human being cause she's our goddess. And I can tell she was really nervous. And I was just like, I'm like, that's okay. That's normal. And she was like, thanks for understanding. And I was like, yeah, you're welcome. And that awkward. It wasn't awkward at all. Like it was a very, very smooth conversation. It was very like, she was vulnerable with me because I have been so vulnerable with her over this past year, everything with everything else that she has felt comfortable being vulnerable with me. I mean, it doesn't happen overnight, but. I mean, yeah, like it's, it's it's I don't, I don't know where that conversation is going to take us, but yeah. Right. Like what a uncomfortable thing to hear from your own mother.

Kristy Yee: 56:43

But I also feel like, I mean, I, again, I can't speak for you or your mom, but if I were in either one of your shoes, I would have all these preconceived thoughts of how the conversation would go down. Yeah. You know, like, Oh God, it's going to be so weird to talk about it. Oh, it's going to be so awkward, you know? So you kind of set yourself up, but then it turns out that it really wasn't. Yeah. What you may have, it would be, and I'm like, it's

Angie Yu: 57:09

totally normal. And no matter what our relationship with our mothers are, whether they're good or not great. whether we like it or not, they do have a role as a role model for us, whether that's a big influence or a small influence there is influence for sure. And hearing that from her just made me go, well, fuck. I have a really long time to live even if I'm married for like 30 years, like the marriage is not perfect and you're still going to encounter these like weird emotional bumps in a relationship and it just made me go, like, it just shatters all these illusions I had about love, which I think is very healthy. Right. Because shatters all these unhealthy expectations about. Relationships romantic relationships. And the more my mom has shared with me about her personal life, the less disillusioned, I guess, I don't know, like the less. Less of a hopeless romantic. I am like, my perspective on love and on relationship has really matured as the relationship between my mother and I have matured because now I kind of know what to do, expect. Like people say all the time, like you have to focus on yourself in a relationship. You cannot lose yourself into a relationship. You have to work on a relationship, but like you can say all those things as much as you want. But until you get there and you have to do the work, you don't really know the details of it, but then hearing it from like, I don't know, for my parents. Cause they're like the prime example of what a relationship, maybe not prime is not the word. They're the primary example, not prime, not prime at all example, like to me of what a relationship could look like. And I've always been very like, Oh, I don't want to get married. Like, I don't know if I ever want to get married because marriage doesn't look great. But now that I'm understanding their marriage more, I'm like more open to the idea of a marriage because I'm like, it doesn't matter what my definition of marriages. It depends on me and the person who wants to marry me, which is, you know, if you're out there holla at your girl,

Kristy Yee: 59:18

Slide into that DM.

Angie Yu: 59:20

Yeah. yeah again it goes back to our like conversation about this master timeline. Like I think like, it seems to me I don't know, sorry, Kelly. I don't know if you mentioned it. Are your parents still

Kelli Chu: 59:31

together? Yeah, yeah,

Kristy Yee: 59:33

yeah. Right.

Angie Yu: 59:34

Yeah. And you said you're a very family oriented person. and you're now you're really close with your mom. So you do see your family as like. You have that belief that like, they're happy, that's something that you would want one day. So the conflict of your battle with like, Hey, do I want my own kids or not? I think that's where that battle comes from, because you're like, well, I kind of want one. My parents have. Yeah. But I also kind of don't

Kristy Yee: 59:57

right.

Kelli Chu: 59:58

I mean,

Kristy Yee: 59:58

I'm just not ready for that right now.

Kelli Chu: 1:00:00

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even with my older siblings, you know, they're married and. My sister has two kids, you know, and she has that lifestyle, like, you know, a house and with like, yeah, two little ones running around and like, you know, married, happy, you know, just all that. And, but I think, yeah, when I see, when I see those things, not even with my family, but in society Yeah. Yeah. I just kind of see that as an example, like you said of like, Oh, could I have that? Should I have that? So all those questions again, kind of come into play. yeah, but then like, but then, you know, when I was thinking about when you were speaking about your mom, but in this vision of this perfect relationship or whatnot, I was thinking about like how I see what you think is a perfect relationship, and then they divorced or something, or it's not as pretty as they display it, that they have been having issues or whatnot. Like I've seen that. And that, honestly, that kind of makes me feel, there's not a perfect picture. to follow or to guide from, to guide, you know, and I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I mean, is that, that makes sense.

Angie Yu: 1:01:13

Basically. We're scared. I think like we see. like a couple and that they seem perfect, but then, you know, they're not, cause everyone talks about how, like it's never what it seems. And then there's a lot of issues. And then like, we're like, well, fuck out of this. This is too much work. I don't know. Maybe if, I think like, yeah. Yeah. I think when it comes down to like the fear of unknown, like marriage doesn't guarantee to last and it doesn't guaranteed doesn't guarantee happiness. You still have to work for your own happiness. And I think at the end of the day, yeah, again, fear of the unknown. It's scary. Same thing with kids. It's scary. To be honest,

Kristy Yee: 1:01:46

it's just,

Angie Yu: 1:01:47

like you said, like maybe you're not ready, but I don't even know if we could ever be ready to bring another human being into this world, but, you know

Kristy Yee: 1:01:54

and take a day by day to that. That's a good takeaway. Cause it keeps coming up, taking it day by day. Kelly, I wanted to ask you for folks who are trying to learn how to take it day by day, and like, you know, overcoming whatever struggles that they may be overcoming. What kind of advice would you give for folks who are trying to learn how to take it day by day? Or a better, the question is what would you say to yourself? What would you say to Kelly 10 years ago

Kelli Chu: 1:02:25

to take a day how to take it day by day? I think what I mean, I just, it always goes back to what I said earlier, which was just. I think what you guys said too, is just gratitude, being, being grateful and grateful for, I don't know the circumstances of now that you're, you know, just the fact that, you know, if it was me, I'm that I'm healthy. And I have this whole day that I can make. Anything into, I guess, a new version of myself that anything can happen just within that day. and just look forward to that, just be focusing on that and really, you know, just being hopeful, being hopeful for the day. not like in the future, not like, you know, tomorrow, just be hopeful for the day and see what, see what happens. I think it's always, you know, the mindset just. Switching, our mindset learning, practicing that to focus on the possitive you know, understanding that there are negatives or if you're not having a great day or something goes wrong. Understanding the challenge there, even to understanding that it's there, don't ignore it, but don't allow it to consume you during the day be aware of it, but then also know that. No, and understand that there's always a hopeful sign at the end or there's a solution to it. and just focusing, yeah, just focusing on that. I think I would, yeah.

Kristy Yee: 1:03:42

I love it. That's so good. I had, we had such a great time talking to you today. Where can our listeners find you and more of the stuff that you're doing, especially cause you're writing a memoir and your blog.

Kelli Chu: 1:03:55

Yeah. So yeah, I'm still working on my memoir and that's about the accident itself and before the accident and the accident, my time in the hospital and even a little bit after the accident, but that's okay. Something I'm still working on. but my, I do have that blog. It's called living after surviving and that's just, you know, just little posts of, of my insights, of, the aftermath of my accident. What are the lessons I've learned, what I've learned about myself, about the world, about, you know, society in general. so that's where you can find me on my blog and then. And then, I'm on Instagram my handle is ms. Chu, where you can follow me there and on my journey with motivational speaking as well. So yeah.

Kristy Yee: 1:04:36

And we will link all of that into the show notes. And one day when you do publish that, we will also link that into the show notes. And of course we're going to be, yeah, of course. Thank you so much for taking the time with us and just chatting and. Yeah. Like I'm so much closer to you. Like I just gained a new friend.

Kelli Chu: 1:04:58

Oh no, this was really lovely. I've never been, so it's really nice to be open and honest and have these deep conversations that I think that, you know, we should have more of, you know, in society. So I really thank you guys for this opportunity and just meeting you guys are great. You can do so fun.

Kristy Yee: 1:05:17

Well, thanks again. Thank you. We'll talk to you soon all right, bye.