30. Friendship, Forgiveness, and Childhood Trauma (Season 2 Finale)

Angie and Kristy go through the 36 Questions to Fall in Love questions to get to know each. Do they fall in love? Listen now to find out. Winky face. This episode was recorded on IG Live on the day of our 1 year podversary!   

**Content Warning: Child Abuse 

Highlights:  

• Kristy’s experience running away from home  
• Angie’s experience as a new immigrant  
• Kristy and Angie fall in love at question #22  
• Kristy cries three times and Angie made her cry two of the times  
• Friendship means loyalty, trust, and healthy support   

Takeaway:  

• Love and affection sustains life and it doesn’t always have to be for others  
• Forgiving our caregivers for their past mistakes allows us to move forward  
• It’s possible to repair your relationship with your Asian mom  
• Normalize uncomfortable conversations instead of causing indirect harm by shame  
• It’s your own approach to your own mental health journey that will yield the result you wish for  
• Grab someone and say five characteristics that you like about the other person  

Mentions & Resources:  

• 36 Questions to Fall in Love  
• Angie’s Medium: 36 Questions to Fall in Love  

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Transcript

30. Friendship, Forgiveness, and Childhood Trauma

Angie Yu: Christie. Oh my goodness. You're making such a big mess 

[00:00:03] Kristy Yee: and we haven't even started drinking yet. 

[00:00:05] 

[00:00:30] This is live and so things are going to get messy. First thing is first is I really want to drink champagne. Are you ready for this? 

[00:00:37] Angie Yu: Welcome back to another episode of shit. We don't tell mom, this is Angie and 

[00:00:41] Kristy Yee: this is 

[00:00:41] Angie Yu: Christie.

[00:00:42]Season two, finale, um, episode 30. Uh, do you have anything 

[00:00:45] Kristy Yee: to add? No, I think let's just get into it. I really want to get into the. I've been purposely avoiding these 36 questions because I wanted to save it for somebody special for me to go through, um, um, which is why never opened it. And I knew it was like a very popular thing.

[00:01:00]Um, but I wanted to avoid it because I didn't want to, I don't know, bias myself you know what I mean? I want to just like, think of the answer when I am doing the questions. Some like background about the 36 questions, there are three sets of questions. Apparently the first set of questions is like very surface level and then you have medium level and then you get like the deep, dark 60 juicy time which is where we are very excited about. So our plan is just kind of blast through the first, second set, and then we're gonna hang out around where the meat and juices are.

[00:01:30]Angie Yu: here we go. Question number one.

[00:01:32]given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? So mine's really simple. Um, mine would be my grandma. Oh my grandma and China, my mom's mom. Um, I wrote about this in my life. It was the first thing that I wrote on medium out of this one. So 

[00:01:47]Kristy Yee: what would you, John Krasinski and Emily blunt, because I love them.

[00:01:51] I had this huge crush on John prison. 

[00:01:53] Angie Yu: Ski from the office, Jim? Yeah. Do you have a crush on Jim? What do you have 

[00:01:58] Kristy Yee: a crush on John? Which is why it's so great because they're both great. They're both, they're both very different people, but they're both good.

[00:02:09] Angie Yu: Okay. 

[00:02:10]Anyway, what happened to blasting through these questions? Let's let's go right. 

[00:02:14]Kristy Yee: Would, oh, would you like to be famous? And in what way? I would not like to be famous. I think I would like to be famous.

[00:02:20] Why? Because I, uh, that's fun because I like money. That's the first question. That's the first thing they don't always go hand in hand. It's 

[00:02:28] Angie Yu: true. It's true. And also fame during your, your life and fame, post mortem is completely different. Like for example, Vincent van Gogh died like in shambles. Like 

[00:02:39] Kristy Yee: he was way too complicated.

[00:02:42] Okay. Sorry. 

[00:02:43] Angie Yu: Defined famous. Now 

[00:02:45] Kristy Yee: it's supposed to be like, like rapid fire shit. Right, right, right, right, right. 

[00:02:50] Angie Yu: Question number three. Okay. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say and why? No. Do we even make telephone calls anymore? I guess the only time I make telephone calls is when I have to call like the bank or call somebody to get something 

[00:03:08]Kristy Yee: yeah. Okay.

[00:03:08] Question four. What would constitute a perfect day for you by the way? Are you falling in love? Yeah,

[00:03:18] Angie Yu: not yet, but let's see where we're at. Let's check in again at question number 

[00:03:21] Kristy Yee: 22, somebody please take him. 

[00:03:25] Angie Yu: Can you go first? Because this question is very like, quote unquote, perfect day. What do you constitute 

[00:03:30] Kristy Yee: as the purpose? I don't know. Okay. So for all of these questions, all 36 of these questions, I'm just going to say whatever comes to mind first, I'm not going to, I'm not going to try to think too hard about this.

[00:03:38] So a perfect day would be like me waking up really early. Like I'm talking 5 30, 6 in the morning, which doesn't actually happen in real life. And no one else is awake yet. And the sun is shining. The birds are chirping and I'm brewing coffee and you're like, fuck, this is going to take forever. Yeah.

[00:03:55] That's how it's going to start. Okay. And then I'll probably like play outside. I will eat lots of good food. Um, I will roll around some grass. I love rolling around on grass and, uh, there'll probably be some bubbles. Oh, these are my favorite. So I'm going to just pour more. Um, there'll probably be bubbly is involved and I might see some friends.

[00:04:16]The long ass day. Yeah. But I started at five 30 in the morning 

[00:04:20] Angie Yu: and I'm already tired, something like that, something like that. Okay. Next question. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

[00:04:28]Kristy Yee: I sang. I sang myself. I sang to myself in the car on my way here to Angie's place. And when was the last time I sang to someone like for someone, it would probably be last year when I sang at a friend's wedding. Oh yeah. You did a great job. 

[00:04:48] Angie Yu: The last time I sang was probably this weekend when I was saying, um, where the watermelon grow down by the bay.

[00:04:55] Yeah. I don't know for some reason, I think it's because the watermelons and seasons, so I just kept saying about watermelon. Um, okay. Next question. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or a body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, 

[00:05:07]Kristy Yee: what'd you want I'm a little 

[00:05:08] drunk.

[00:05:09] Angie Yu: What.

[00:05:09]Kristy Yee: So I choose between mind or body of a 30 

[00:05:12] Angie Yu: year old. Yeah, we're the 30. So basically for the rest of our life, would you rather have the body of a 30 year old or the mine of a 30 year old? 

[00:05:20] Kristy Yee: I would want to have a body of a 30 year old. Yeah, me too. Isn't 

[00:05:24] Angie Yu: this question? Like super easy. Like why would you want to have the mind of a 30 year old? It means you have learned nothing from your life and then your body's just 

[00:05:31] Kristy Yee: aging.

[00:05:31]Yeah. There's no, when I don't get 

[00:05:33] Angie Yu: it. Yeah. Unless we're a on anyway, 

[00:05:35] Kristy Yee: whatever. Well, if we're understanding it in the same way, then that means we are compatible. See, this is how you lead into falling in love. 

[00:05:44] Angie Yu: Are you in love yet? Okay, next question. 

[00:05:46] Kristy Yee: Okay. Number seven.

[00:05:47] Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? This is part of the easy category. What the 

[00:05:53] Angie Yu: fuck? I don't have a secret hunch. That's it? That's that's my 

[00:05:57] Kristy Yee: question. I don't have a seat. I don't think about it too often but sometimes I wonder if I will die doing something really stupid.

[00:06:07] Like that's just how it's going to happen. Right. Like I'm going to fucking Yolo. And then I don't know, I trip on a banana peel and like fall off a building or something. 

[00:06:17]Angie Yu: Okay. So no going up tall buildings with 

[00:06:20] Kristy Yee: bananas for you. Okay. You bet I don't have to come with a bananas. Sometimes if fate happens, the banana's already 

[00:06:26] Angie Yu: there.

[00:06:26] You can't even that slippery the banana itself, a slippery, the banana peel itself is not that slippery. Okay. Anyway, anyways, uh, next question.

[00:06:35]Kristy Yee: Number eight, name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. My partner. How are we supposed to fall in love? I already have a part. Oh, like each other and each other. 

[00:06:45] Angie Yu: The partner that you're doing this question with. Okay. Well, here you go. We're both Asian. Um, we both 

[00:06:49]Kristy Yee: have black hair. Oh my gosh.

[00:06:51] It's so surface level 

[00:06:52] Angie Yu: and we've, what's the section one. So

[00:06:54]we both 

[00:06:54] Kristy Yee: have depression. Yeah. We both have like mental health illness. 

[00:06:59]And we from the east side, yes. East Vancouver. Okay next, um, question nine. For what? For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 

[00:07:11]Angie Yu: Um, Um, my parents think that's a pretty easy one. I'm most grateful for my parents.

[00:07:15] They've just sacrifice so much so that I could have a better life. Like we didn't have anything in my life if it weren't for them. 

[00:07:23] Kristy Yee: I'm grateful that I I was born and raised in this like super privileged place in the world. 

[00:07:29]Angie Yu: And that leads us to our 10th question. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

[00:07:34]Kristy Yee: I don't think I want to change anything. Yeah, me neither. I think any questions about things like, oh, what do you regret most? Or like, if you could redo high school, you know, any of those, like going backwards in time type questions. I don't want to change a thing because then that just means that I'm, won't be who I am today.

[00:07:50] Yeah, exactly. 

[00:07:51] Okay. Can you see question 11? Yes. Okay. Go for it. 

[00:07:54] Angie Yu: Take four minutes and tell your partner, your life story in as much detail as possible minutes.

[00:07:59] That's a long time. Let's change it to 30 seconds. 

[00:08:02] Kristy Yee: Okay. How about one minute? What do you got? Okay, one minute you have one minute and, um, I'm going to count you down. Okay. Five, four, three, two, one go. 

[00:08:14] Angie Yu: Okay. I was born in China and I spent nine years there and then I spend the rest of my childhood in Vancouver.

[00:08:19]Um, wow. This is really hard. I, I, I mean, this is like the question we got to prime. Okay. Um, um, my parents both went to great universities. They're both the youngest of their, of their family, but my mom's side value education deeply. Um, and my dad's side doesn't value education as much, even though they were more privileged.

[00:08:40] And as a result, the two sides of the family have been very different. And my mom's side is very kind, so kindness and education is what I value the most and yeah, that's it, I think. 

[00:08:52] Kristy Yee: Okay, great. That was, um, you had 20 seconds left. Oh, 

[00:08:55] Angie Yu: really? Okay. And also, um, mental health and stuff. Um, and I have bipolar and stuff and, um, I was like really lazy in school, but somehow I got to a medium place in my life thing.

[00:09:06] Okay. There you go. 

[00:09:07]Kristy Yee: Okay. I'm nervous. 

[00:09:09] Angie Yu: Three, two, 

[00:09:10] Kristy Yee: one go. I am born and raised in Vancouver, British Columbia. I grew up with my dad, um, and he was 59 years older than myself. So growing up, he was always mistaken as my grandpa and I really most people for that for making assumptions.

[00:09:27]Um, I grew up with my dad because my parents were divorced since I was really, really little and my mom didn't get custody because she had to go to work while my dad did not. So that was, that was why I live with my dad. Um, I've moved, I've moved to like maybe four different schools in my whole lifetime.

[00:09:41] I don't actually know cause I'm not counting in my head right now. Um, but it was really difficult because it means I have to make friends every single time. Um, at one point I was expelled in my elementary school and I went to special ed and um, during that time it was also when I was institutionalized.

[00:09:54] And then, um, and then now I am a mental health advocate. 

[00:09:57] Angie Yu: Oh, perfect. Nice, nice. That was exactly. Oh, we know. No, you have five more seconds. 

[00:10:03] Kristy Yee: Okay. Well that was 

[00:10:04] Angie Yu: it. Um, yeah, you did a much better job than 

[00:10:05] Kristy Yee: I did, but that's because you set some groundwork, you set some foundation for me to go. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, 

[00:10:12] Angie Yu: okay.

[00:10:13]If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

[00:10:18]I would, I would try, I would want to gain quality because it's like a lot harder to obtain a quality than it is to gain an ability. And for me, it would be like the quality would be like, I 

[00:10:28] Kristy Yee: don't know, don't procrastinate. Um, so when Angie first read this question, I only interpreted it as what ability do you want when you wake up in the morning?

[00:10:37] And I want to 

[00:10:39] Angie Yu: teleport, I knew, I knew you were going to go the super human 

[00:10:42] Kristy Yee: route. Yeah. And even now thinking about it, like what I want to have a quality or what I want to have ability, I still want to have an ability because I want to go through the journey of building a quality. Um, but an ability, I, I just want to fucking teleport or fly, but it seems like really cold to do that.

[00:11:02] So I'd rather just instantaneously like poof and operate somewhere. That parade. Yes. Operate. Angie has been reading Harry Potter. I have very exciting for me. So every time we catch up now, I'm like, yo, what, what book are you at? Which chapter? Yeah. What's going on? What's going on? 

[00:11:19] Angie Yu: So that's section 

[00:11:20] Kristy Yee: one done. Oh, that was fast. Okay. Section two, that this is going to be like the medium juice apparently. So question 13, if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life. The future or anything else? What would you want to know? 

[00:11:35] Angie Yu: What would I want to know how I die? No, I'm just kidding.

[00:11:38] I thought about that. No, I don't want to know a truth about yourself, your life or future. I don't know. That's a hard one. What would I want to know? Can you go first? I feel like I've been going first and I 

[00:11:54] Kristy Yee: don't know if I want to, um, know anything. I don't know if I want to know anything because I don't want things to be like on my mind all the time.

[00:12:01] And then have it become this like self fulfilling prophecy, but in a way that I least expect it, you know? And if I, if a crystal ball could tell me one truth about myself, that's tricky because I'm scared of that. Oh, tell us more. Or like, what if, what if the truth is like, everybody actually hates me? You know that?

[00:12:25] Do you watch mean girls or have you watched me? Girls have, watch me go. Do you remember much about mean girls? I remember it a lot. Okay. So there's this part where Regina? Said, do you want to know what everyone else thinks about you. Like you're a homeschool chunk of free, who's a less hot version of me. And so I think that was the first thing that came to mind when I'm like, if, if a crystal ball told me a truth about myself, what if I find out that like, everybody hates me and I know, I know then it's like, well, well, what of it?

[00:12:57] You know, like who cares? What people think, blah, blah, blah. But it's th the fact that that was my first fear. I think that speaks to something. 

[00:13:04] Angie Yu: Yeah. I'm sure there are people out there who hate you and who hate me, but there's also enough people in our lives that like us and loves us that I'm like, yo lo um, haters gone hate, uh, do people still say that anyway?

[00:13:17]Um, I, I don't know. I guess for me it would be like, I don't really want to know anything else from the crystal ball. I, I would rather pursue the journey of finding out the truth about myself, on my own. 

[00:13:26] Kristy Yee: Exactly. I don't want to find out. Yeah. 

[00:13:30] Angie Yu: But if I can save like 200 bucks, then I would want the crisp crystal ball to tell me, uh, my ethnicity, because that's like, you know, like 23 of me, I've always kind of wanted to do that, but then I don't want to do it.

[00:13:42] If I were to be like, you are 98% Chinese and Asian, I'm going to say Asian, duh fucking duh. But, um, if the crystal ball can be like, you are this and this and that and this, and that'd be pretty cool. And then I can save $200. 

[00:13:56] Kristy Yee: Okay. If, if the crystal ball could tell me about that, What to invest in? No, and then I will have like easy access to some financial freedom.

[00:14:08] Okay. I think I w I would want some of that information. Okay. All right. Without any repercussions or consequences, hopeful that 

[00:14:16] Angie Yu: doesn't work though, because you can't just, if you're printing money out of 

[00:14:19] Kristy Yee: nowhere, printing money, I'm just going to invest in like the next fucking Google, 

[00:14:24] Angie Yu: but so if you're gaining someone else's losing, 

[00:14:27]Kristy Yee: and then this is where the debate of capitalism comes in. Okay. Next question.

[00:14:31]Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time and why haven't you done it? Something that I've jumped up doing for a long time is okay, this is, I don't know. I was going to say move to another city, but that's happening. Um, 

[00:14:44] Angie Yu: oh, I have one. I have dreamt of learning how to swim, because I think that would be nice.

[00:14:51] Then I have an access to a lot more activities, which is kind of a dumb thing to, like, it's not that big of a deal, but I'm so scared of water that I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it. And I literally fell into a river last week and thought I was going to die. So, um, why haven't I done it? Cause I'm scared of water.

[00:15:10]Kristy Yee: When you are ready, I can teach you how to swim. 

[00:15:13] Angie Yu: Everyone says that. So I have, it's not the resource that I am lucky. 

[00:15:17] Kristy Yee: I know you just have to get over that fear, that initial fear. So when you are ready, okay. Yeah. Here's another person. Um, my it's not going to sound as epic, but, and it's not so much I dreamt of doing this.

[00:15:28] It's not like, Ooh, I really want to do this. Um, but it's more like something that I've told myself I want to do, but I have not done it. And that is, um, it sounds weird. I want to volunteer at a senior's home and I haven't done it. Why do you want to volunteer at a serious cause old people high

[00:15:53]touch, a special place in my heart. I don't know if it's because growing up, my dad was older, so I always felt like I have this, uh, like seniors themselves have a special place in my heart. And when I was in third grade, um, our teacher took us to a senior's homes to like, hang out with the grandmas and the grandpa.

[00:16:15] And I remember having such a blast, we took a picture. I still have that picture to this day of the grandma that I was hanging out with. And I remember thinking to myself like, oh, when I grow up, I should do this more often. And then when my dad passed away, I remember also saying like, oh, I should give back more to the seniors and, you know, give them an opportunity to tell their story to another person, because I felt like I didn't ask enough from my dad about his story.

[00:16:44]

[00:16:44] 

[00:16:48]Oh, now we're getting a little bit kind of, you 

[00:16:50] Angie Yu: know, we've got to go question where like halfway okay, great. Uh, question number 15.

[00:16:54] What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? I think I'm only 30. I haven't accomplished anything yet. 

[00:17:02] Kristy Yee: We created a podcast. That's something to celebrate. We just celebrate that. Yes, 

[00:17:06] Angie Yu: definitely. There's a lot of things to celebrate, but I feel like, I don't know. I feel like that because I'm 30. I don't think I have competition.

[00:17:14] Kristy Yee: How about like what? Okay. Well, you've accomplished stuff. Like what is, what is, what are your proudest, uh, uh, achievements to date? Does that make it better

[00:17:25]Angie Yu: now? I'm uncomfortable. 

[00:17:28] Kristy Yee: Good.

[00:17:31]Angie Yu: What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? I really can't think of anything 

[00:17:35]Kristy Yee: for me. It's actually going to university and I think a big part of that is because growing up, my dad didn't believe that I could go into higher education and he always put me down. I spent many years trying to get into university and it was like, uh, such a, such a goal, like a vision of mine to walk across that stage and graduate from, from a university.

[00:17:59] Angie Yu: Yeah, you should be, 

[00:18:00] Kristy Yee: you should be proud of that. I'm proud. I'm proud. Um, 

[00:18:03] Angie Yu: okay.

[00:18:03] This is gonna sound super cheesy. And I think this is where, like a lot of the differences between Chrissy and I come in is like, the only thing I can think of in terms of my accomplishing accomplishments is that I've achieved some sort of a good fraction of inner peace. And, and to me, that's more of an accomplishment that I can be proud of because I don't know, like there are all these external things, like, I don't know, getting to, I don't know, maybe it's getting my CFA.

[00:18:31] I don't have it yet, but, or like finishing university or like the podcasts, like these are all great things that I'm super grateful for. I'm super proud of, but an actual, like accomplishment, that's the greatest I'm going to have to go very Zen and, you know, and just being like, I have achieved some semblance of peace with myself and I think that's what, I'm the proudest.

[00:18:59]Dang. 

[00:19:00] Kristy Yee: Okay.

[00:19:04] And I'm like, I got my 

[00:19:05] Angie Yu: degree in bitch. Oh. And that's a completely, like, everyone has something that they're, they feel intensely about. 

[00:19:12] Kristy Yee: That's the thing everyone's. Yeah, exactly. And I recognize that it's an external thing and I recognize that it's almost like spiting my dad in a way, but I I'm still fucking damn proud 

[00:19:24]Angie Yu: of it all.

[00:19:25] Yeah. As you should be, as you 

[00:19:26] Kristy Yee: should be. 

[00:19:27] Okay. Next question. Okay. Okie dokes. Uh, what number are we at? I'm losing it. 7 16, 16. Okay. 

[00:19:34] Angie Yu: What do you value most in a friendship? Honesty. Nobody's perfect. And, um, everyone's gonna make mistakes, like honesty as well.

[00:19:43] Being honest to themselves and to other people kind of thing, which is hard. Like I don't have, I don't think I've achieved that level of honesty yet in my friendships. So it's like a lifelong thing. What about you? 

[00:19:57]Kristy Yee: I'm trying, I have something in mind, but I'm trying to think about how to explain it, but now I'm thinking too hard.

[00:20:02]Um, for me it's we don't want that.

[00:20:07] I think it would be loyalty. So not in a way, like, you know,

[00:20:10]not like, oh, we ha we have to be friends forever until the end of time and we gotta be together. Um, but just don't stab my back. Yeah. And I guess that it aligns with honesty as well. Um, but like, oh, I'm, I'm always going to be here to support you and you know, I'm not going to hurt you. And because that's how I feel like I am.

[00:20:31] I, I'm not perfect. Um, but I like to think of myself as a loyal person. So loyalty, loyalty. Yeah. 

[00:20:38] Angie Yu: I think loyalty is a big one as well. 

[00:20:41] Kristy Yee: Okay. 17, what is your most treasured memory? That's hard

[00:20:45]now. I just have like a slideshow of like 5,000 minutes swirling in my head. It's 

[00:20:49] Angie Yu: like, and I'm like, you got to pick one, you got to pick one most treasured. What was the first thing you. 

[00:20:56]Kristy Yee: I actually, the first thing I thought of was queen Elizabeth Park and then two scenes came to mind was one. I was holding an orange juice box and my mom was taking a picture of me while sitting on the rocks.

[00:21:07] And then another one was, um, it's not even a memory. It's just a photo that I know of. It's my dad holding me up as like a one-year-old baby and kind of like spinning me. Oh. And they both happened at queen Elizabeth Park. 

[00:21:19]Angie Yu: Aw, no, I know clean now. I don't remember what it was like what first came to my mind anymore.

[00:21:27]Probably something from childhood as well. Like definitely something from childhood. Um, probably what I'm thinking. The first thing I think of is my grandpa, my mom's dad. And when I stayed with him for a while. So like before, uh, we moved to Canada, there was like a period of six months or so.

[00:21:45]Um, because school started in September, but we were moving to Canada in March. So there was no point in putting me in school, especially since it costs money. So for that six months, I just had total freedom, no school, no homework. I was nine. Like, imagine that. So for most of that me and my mom stayed with her parents and.

[00:22:04]Every day, my grandpa would make this like little dairy beverage from milk powder. And we were both drinking every day at 1:00 PM. We would drink this. 

[00:22:13] Kristy Yee: When was the last time you've had this milk 

[00:22:15] Angie Yu: beverage? Probably that time. I don't even remember what it was. It was like, this was a long time ago.

[00:22:20] This was 2000 in China. This was one like, you can still find slums everywhere in China. So it was like completely different economically and just culturally as well. So this milk powder will come in these like plastic bags and you will like scoop some out and then pour some hot water in it and just drink it because fresh milk was so expensive.

[00:22:37]Kristy Yee: Does that drink still exist? 

[00:22:39] Angie Yu: I'm sure it does. I'm sure it does. Um, and I think the one, I think I've had similar stuff before, but the one I had with my grandpa was very sweet. There was lots of sugar in it and I think that's why I liked it. It tasted like a melted ice 

[00:22:52] Kristy Yee: cream. I wonder if it will taste the same because I find, I don't know about you guys, but I find that so many of my childhood snacks and foods that I used to, like, even though they are still around, it just doesn't taste the same anymore. 

[00:23:07]Angie Yu: I mean, speaking of childhood snacks, we have, um, some yang guns right 

[00:23:10] Kristy Yee: there.

[00:23:10] Oh yeah. You can see it in the, and she says those were her favorites. So I brought her some yen 

[00:23:15] Angie Yu: Yens. Yeah. Yeah. Because when we first moved to Canada, we were so poor. Um, and those things were 79 cents each.  I loved it because it was like, we couldn't afford much. So 

[00:23:27] Kristy Yee: it's a dollar 69 now inflation. Oh, how the times have changed? Okay. Question 18. What is your most terrible memory? 

[00:23:36] Angie Yu: Oh boy. So many 

[00:23:41] Kristy Yee: first one that comes to mind.

[00:23:43] Oh 

[00:23:43] Angie Yu: God. 

[00:23:44]Kristy Yee: Um,

[00:23:44]I have one or yeah, you go first. Okay. It's I don't think it's my most terrible memory, but it's one of the first ones that came to mind. Um,

[00:23:50]I think I was like 13. I was in the eighth grade and. My dad was doing the dishes in the kitchen and we were having an argument and I'm on the other side of the kitchen and he's yelling and I'm yelling and he pulls out a Cleaver from the sink and then he starts chasing me around with it. And then I ran out of the house and, and then I slept over a friend's for like three days.

[00:24:19] Angie Yu: That's pretty terrible. I'm sorry. You had to go through that. Yup. That is a terrible memory. My most terrible memory, I guess it depends terrible as in like it's fucked up or terrible to me 

[00:24:28] Kristy Yee: emotionally. It's however you want to interpret it. 

[00:24:31]Angie Yu: I guess one of them is kind of funny. The other, one's not funny at all.

[00:24:35] I guess this is the most terrible one to me. In terms of like, it was something that I had to work through therapy. Um, when we first moved here in Canada, again, like immigration is not easy guy, so be nice to immigrants.

[00:24:47]Um, we first moved here My parents were working like labor jobs, um, and going to school at nighttime to learn English. We didn't know anybody in Canada. So there was nobody to look after me. Um, my parents can't afford babysitting. Are you kidding me? And, uh, technically I'm not allowed to be home by myself because you're not supposed to, if you're under the age of 12. So I just had to lock myself up in the apartment for days and days and days for the entire summer.

[00:25:13] So I was like, literally going crazy. So I would play like hide and seek with myself. You know what I mean? Like it was just like finding some sort of entertainment for myself. I had to use a lot of imagination and one time I just like went into the closet to pretend I was hiding. And then this thought came to me like, Hey, if I died in this closet, nobody would even find me.

[00:25:39]Kristy Yee: That makes me really sad. And that's really, really dark for a child. Yeah. And I 

[00:25:44] Angie Yu: was nine. Yup. That was a, a pretty hard time for me and my parents, but we got through it. 

[00:25:56] Kristy Yee: Yeah. And it's not something that you'd want to change. No, because look at where you are now. Yeah. Okay. Number 19. Oh my gosh. My pants are getting wet.

[00:26:10]Angie Yu: That was a good comic relief. Um, Christie was holding her water bottle, but I guess she hadn't, I guess you hadn't sealed it 

[00:26:20] Kristy Yee: properly. I don't know. But do you want to get a tissue? Okay. I will because these are your floors. Okay. Question 20. What does friendship mean to you? 

[00:26:32] Angie Yu: Where do you went through 

[00:26:33] Kristy Yee: that one?

[00:26:33] No. The other one was like, what do you value most in a friendship? 20th. What does friendship you skip question 19. Did I? Okay, well, we'll come back to it.

[00:26:42]Tell me what your 

[00:26:42] Angie Yu: friendship means. It means it means understanding and, and support at an arm's length.

[00:26:54]Kristy Yee: Why at an arm's length, 

[00:26:55] because 

[00:26:56] Angie Yu: you don't want to support someone to the point where like it's codependent. 

[00:27:00] Kristy Yee: Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah. Like healthy friendships. I do. It is getting juicy. What does friendship mean to me? I think it goes back to that previous question of, you know, having that support. So that's, I agree with that, having that loyalty and trust, and I don't know, somebody there to like drink bubbly with, and then laugh about my pants, getting wet. And then also talk about dark childhood traumas, 

[00:27:34] Angie Yu: but okay.

[00:27:37] Why is it gross? Gross, but it's very like heartwarming. Thanks. Understanding. I think for me, I was thinking of you as well.  

[00:27:48] Kristy Yee: it's too much sugar now. Oh, back to question 19. Cause I accidentally skipped it. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly. Fuck. Would you change anything about the way you're living now? Yes, absolutely. Yes, absolutely. W Y so I would quit my job. 

[00:28:05] Angie Yu: Yes. Because I don't want to spend the last year of my days on earth working.

[00:28:09] Correct. Not that there's anything wrong with my job, but like the point of a job is so that you can keep living. Right. You got to pay bills and stuff. So if I have enough money to last me for a year, then first I will quit my job and then start doing things for the people in my life so that I can leave something behind with them.

[00:28:27]Um, other than just memories of me that there's something tangible for them, some need to help them out. 

[00:28:31]Kristy Yee: How about you? Yup. Uh, I would definitely quit my job, which I already did. Spoiler. Um, I, I would, I would travel a lot. I would probably do that. Senior's home volunteer thing. I would spend a lot more time with my family And then I would try to hang out more with my friends because I find that as adults, it's hard to hang out with your friends and your friend circle. I don't know about you guys, but I feel like my friends circle gets smaller and smaller as the years go on. Not because of like, I'm not making friends, I don't know.

[00:29:05] It's like the people that you're close with, you know, get smaller because it's harder to find time to cultivate those relationships and to sustain those relationships. So there will be like a lot of acquaintances on the peripheral and, you know, very, that's all fine, but the inner circle, it gets harder to maintain.

[00:29:23] And so I think I would want to spend more time with them. 

[00:29:26] Angie Yu: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I agree. And actually, one thing that I disagree with is I wouldn't 

[00:29:30] Kristy Yee: travel. Ooh, interesting. Because 

[00:29:34] Angie Yu: it would be just made me feel like it's, it's like a never ending thing. Um, if I do have to travel, if it's, that's something that someone that I love wants to do with me, then I would do it, but I would not 

[00:29:43] Kristy Yee: do any solo traveling.

[00:29:44] I would definitely do a lot of solo, which sounds weird because I'm like, I'm gonna spend my time with my friends and family, but I definitely, definitely want to do even more solo traveling. Interesting. Yeah. I would also want to write a book. In a year. 

[00:29:58] Angie Yu: Ambitious. Yeah. Well, if I, if I don't have to work and then there's actually a timeline, like, Hey, you're going to die in 365 days.

[00:30:05] Yeah. I think I'll finally get my ass moving. 

[00:30:08] Kristy Yee: Mm. Yeah. True. That true. That question 21. What role do love and affection play in your life? I don't know what this is asking. 

[00:30:17] Angie Yu: Do love and affection play in your life. Uh,

[00:30:19]Kristy Yee: okay. While you're thinking, 

[00:30:21]Angie Yu: I'm going to quote, uh, captain Holt from Brooklyn nine, nine. Love is like oatmeal. It sustains you. Uh, 

[00:30:27] Kristy Yee: oatmeal's great.

[00:30:28]Angie Yu: Okay.

[00:30:29]Kristy Yee: Love and affection to me is like a blanket. Like it keeps you warm and safe and it feels good.

[00:30:36]Angie Yu: Yeah. Like what roles does it play? 

[00:30:38] Kristy Yee: A place, huge roles. It's a blanket 

[00:30:41] Angie Yu: like your life literally revolves around love and affection. And without it, is it even a life? 

[00:30:51] Kristy Yee: Is it, I mean, I don't want to disregard people. Okay. Actually, the first person I thought is wold Morgan, and he had no love and affection in his life and fuck that 

[00:31:04] Angie Yu: he could have had, he could have had it.

[00:31:07] He just chose to go a different route, um, because love and affection. Like it doesn't have to be F always for other people. You can also be for 

[00:31:14] Kristy Yee: yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Yeah. 

[00:31:17] Angie Yu: So it's the stains. It's the only thing that would keep us going, even in my really dark times when I thought about like, maybe not wanting to be alive anymore, the only thing that kept me going, and it's like, well, there's so much love in my life.

[00:31:29] Hmm. And that's what, that's what prevents a Harry Potter from dying is his mother's love for him. 

[00:31:36] Kristy Yee: I think for me, love and affection is so much more than just like sustaining life. Because I feel like when you say, at least for me, when, when you say it's sustains life, it feels like, oh, it's just a necessary thing to have, like oxygen, you know, something that you don't really think about, but it's like, you just need to have it. But I also feel like it's something more like, it's, it's that warm blanket. Like you don't need to have it, but it is so much better with it. 

[00:32:07]Angie Yu: Yes. I think maybe I'm looking at love a little bit differently. So there's the idea of small love and big love. This isn't like Buddhism, right? Small love is like love between you and your partner, you and your friends, you and your family.

[00:32:20] That's small love. It's selfish, love, not selfish. As in like, oh, that's bad, but like selfish as in like, it fulfills our need and needs and stuff like that. And then there's big love, which is love for the universe. Love for the humankind. Love for animals. Love for just what exists around us. So I think like that has to exist.

[00:32:44]

[00:32:44] 

[00:32:48]Kristy Yee: Next set of questions. I'm blanking out. I'm sorry. Help me out. Okay. 2222, I found it 

[00:32:54]Angie Yu: alternate sharing something. You consider a positive characteristic of your partner share a total five items. Oh my God. I 

[00:33:01] Kristy Yee: have to think of five good things about Angie.  

[00:33:03] Angie Yu: You have to think five things about me. Um, 

[00:33:05] Kristy Yee: okay. I think you are really fucking introspective.

[00:33:08]And I think that makes you just a really decent human being because you, if you fuck up, you think about why you fuck up, you know, and you try to be better. And I'm not saying like, you're cause you're, you're not perfect and you, but you know this, you know what I mean? Like, and then you, you actually think about like, oh, how did I fuck up?

[00:33:30] Like, if you had a fight with your boyfriend, or if something came up right, then you have your thing, like you have this emotional thing, but then you stop and you actually try to think about, well, how can I be a better human being and be kinder to not just myself, but also to those around me. So introspective.

[00:33:51] Wow. Okay. Yeah, what's up, man. I'm ready. 

[00:33:56] Angie Yu: Smother me. And my, the first thing I was gonna say, I was just like, you're funny. Okay. Actually, one thing I really respect about you is your unwavering positivity on life. Like you have been through so much and you've had not gray hands dealt to you, but you always make the most of it.

[00:34:16] And out of all my friends, I think in like the ratio of like accomplishment to hardship, I think you have the highest, oh my God. 

[00:34:27] Kristy Yee: Don't make me cry on live Instagram. 

[00:34:32] Angie Yu: Okay. 

[00:34:33]Kristy Yee: Um, second, we don't always have to go so deep. Okay. 

[00:34:36] Angie Yu: You started it and you started it.

[00:34:39]Um, 

[00:34:39] Kristy Yee: Okay. So this sounds really dumb, but this is here's an example. Last year in 2020, it was everybody's first time of being at home and like not seeing humans and things like that. And something that Angie did was whenever it's their friend's birthday, you would send them something. Oh, how did you know.

[00:34:58] Yeah, I see. And it's not like something you, you know, do to fly it. You just you're like, oh, it's their birthday. I can't hang out with them. We can't get together. Okay. Let me like send them something and not tell them about it. And so it's like that thoughtfulness, I think that's really beautiful. 

[00:35:16] Angie Yu: How did you even know about that?

[00:35:17]Um, also, cause everyone was turning 30 and like everyone was turning 30 during the time. Yeah, it was a big deal. 

[00:35:22] Kristy Yee: Oh, now do you have to say something good about me? Okay. 

[00:35:27] Angie Yu: I think you're very generous. I think you have a very generous spirit towards your friends. Like look at all the snacks you brought there because it's a baby's birthday. I know, but I think you're extremely generous. Um, and the person that you are the least generous with is yourself, because you're so frugal, but then you're so generous when it comes to your friends and people that you care about.

[00:35:47]I think that's a good trait. I think that's very positive. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Now it's your turn to say something nice about me. So this is the third thing. 

[00:35:57] Kristy Yee: Try this guys. Try this at home. Say some, say like five positive characteristics to your partner or to your family members or to a 

[00:36:04] Angie Yu: good friend.

[00:36:04] Okay. For those of us who has been with us from the beginning, it's okay. If you haven't, but remember what I said, that will start falling in love at question number 22. This is question number 22. And I had no idea. No, I said, you asked me you're like, are you falling in love yet? I'm like, no, but maybe we will by question 22.

[00:36:20] And I just chose question 22 randomly. And this is question number 22. So I don't want to say I'm a psychic, but well, are you falling in love? Yeah, especially because you sit, you're saying all these great things about me. 

[00:36:34] Kristy Yee: I I'm getting really tipsy. Um, 

[00:36:36]  Another characteristic is I think you are, you're very forgiving. 

[00:36:42]Angie Yu: Oh, I think I know what you're telling him about. Do you? 

[00:36:45] Kristy Yee: Yeah. What, what am 

[00:36:46] Angie Yu: I talking about? Well, I don't want to say on camera. I don't think you 

[00:36:49] Kristy Yee: know what I'm talking about. Tell him, tell me what I'm thinking about your relationship with your mom.

[00:36:53] Oh, I really respect you for that. I really look up to you because I have a very complicated relationship with my mom. And for those of you guys who listen to our episodes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Um, and I really admire the way that you have navigated that. And I know you are still, you know, you and your mom are still working on it, but I, I think I like I'm impressed and I'm also admiring admiring.

[00:37:20] And I think that comes from a place of forgiveness. That you willing to for forgive your mom and, and the struggles that you have both gone through and come to terms with it and come to a place of where you are now, and then continue to still work on that relationship with her. 

[00:37:40] Angie Yu: So I was making a face at the camera.

[00:37:41] I was like, why? It's like, what? Cause that's you,

[00:37:46]I sent that to my mom. Cause I I've told her about you and your mom. And my mom's like, wow, I'm the guy. I right. Like, she's so forgiving everything you said about me, I have literally said about you, like, like you took your mom in and she lives with you. And I was like, wow, that's so forgiving. Given the fact that she wasn't there for you at all growing up and you had, you have lost your childhood because of that.

[00:38:13] And I understand the circumstances were difficult. Same thing with my mom. She had difficult circumstances, but like, yeah, I don't know when you got that to me, I'm like, are you joking me? That's you? I feel like you 

[00:38:26] Kristy Yee: and your mom are like on a whole other level. I aspire to get to, you know, not like a finish line type thing, but it's like, okay, it's possible.

[00:38:36] It's possible to repair your relationship with your Asian mom. Um, given all of the circumstances, like I don't have to hold this grudge forever. You know, like. I can let go. And I, I see a real life example here, who, who is just, you know, a couple of steps in front of me. So you're kind of like paving the road so that it's easier for me to follow.

[00:38:59] And for that, I'm really grateful and, and I really admire you for it. Wow. 

[00:39:04] Angie Yu: Wow. Um, I mean, I w I want to say the same thing about you. Like you're very forgiving. And also, like, I think the reason why I'm like two steps ahead is I think my mom and I started off here and you and your mom started off like here, so you have more steps to go, but I think you're making huge strides.

[00:39:18]Kristy Yee: Oh, dear. Okay. Oh, please 

[00:39:25] Angie Yu: keep reaching for the grapes. Whenever I feel awkward, not awkward, but like uncomfortable, uncomfortable, because we're not used to so much affirmation from people we care about. Like,  affection for us, especially in our community is like very weird. And the time that people share affection the most is like weddings and funerals. 

[00:39:45]Kristy Yee: I'm telling you tonight, today, do question number 22. So if it's your partner, a friend, a family member, Reach out to them and let them know five, not even pick whatever you want.

[00:39:57] 1, 2, 3, 4, or five positive characteristics about them and let them know because you know, you love this person and no, we don't do this with each other often enough. Okay. I'm losing count. 

[00:40:07] I 

[00:40:07] Angie Yu: don't, I don't know. I think in the interest time, interest of time, we can move on 

[00:40:11] Kristy Yee: all right. Question 23. How close and warm is your family warm? I like that 

[00:40:17]Angie Yu: close and warm. Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people 

[00:40:22] Kristy Yee: hard? No. Um, how close I'm Warren we're EITs 

[00:40:25] Angie Yu: yeah, we're EIT. We're getting better. We're getting closer and warmer. Yeah. Uh, definitely. There was a lot of coldness growing up even, and I think my relationship with my parents have improved in parallel to the relationship between my parents, like my mom and dad, because for a long time, they were not in love with each other.

[00:40:46] You know what I mean? Like there was no love between them, so I didn't feel that love from them. Um, or I felt it in a very different way. Do you do? I feel like my childhood was happier than most other people compared to my peers. No. Compared to the average person who grew up in Vancouver? No, but compared to a lot of people in the rest of the world.

[00:41:04] Yes. 

[00:41:05]Kristy Yee: Uh, yeah. Okay. 

[00:41:05] Angie Yu: How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? 

[00:41:07] Kristy Yee: Oh, what's the kind of questions are these who 

[00:41:12] Angie Yu: wrote this shit? Some psychologist.

[00:41:14] So obviously like there's reasons why there's a bunch of stuff from childhood. 

[00:41:18]Kristy Yee: We are working on it. Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's what? Yep. Okay. Okay. Section three. Okay. Apparently this is going to be where all the juicy juice stuff is. So

[00:41:27]let's see where this will 

[00:41:28] Angie Yu: take us.

[00:41:28]Question 

[00:41:29] Kristy Yee: 25, make three. True. Oh my God. Make three. True wi with air quotes statements. Each for instance, we are both in this room feeling tipsy. 

[00:41:43] Angie Yu: I was just going to say the same thing. Okay. We are both in the room feeling. 

[00:41:48]Kristy Yee: Antsy antsy. Yeah. Are you feeling antsy a little bit? 

[00:41:52] Angie Yu: Hm. Just because this is the first time we've done this 

[00:41:54] Kristy Yee: we are both in this room, feeling grateful. I'm feeling very grateful, grateful for this grateful for people who have joined us on this live IgG 

[00:42:07] Angie Yu: if we're putting you to sleep, um, you're welcome because a lot of people nowadays have insomnia. So if we're not, then also you're welcome 

[00:42:16] Kristy Yee: for it.

[00:42:17]Question 26. Complete the sentence. I wish I had someone with whom I could share 

[00:42:25] Angie Yu: blank.

[00:42:26] I think that is a really hard one because. 

[00:42:28] Kristy Yee: I was going to say my style of traveling. 

[00:42:33] Angie Yu: You mean? So low travel, AKA? No,

[00:42:40] Kristy Yee: I didn't say anything. Well, I think when I first thought about style is because like Angie alluded to earlier, I'm very frugal. And so when I solo travel, I, I, I'm not full on shoestring. I have the full shoe, but, 

[00:42:57] Angie Yu: but not two shoes, just one shoe. Yeah. 

[00:42:59]Kristy Yee: Kristen, 27, if you are going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 

[00:43:08] Angie Yu: I think we are already 

[00:43:09] Kristy Yee: qualified. I think we know a lot. Question 28 is a 28, 27, 28. Yeah. Ooh. Okay. Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest this time. Saying things that you might not say to someone you've just Matt. I think we did that 

[00:43:27] Angie Yu: in question 22. 

[00:43:29] Kristy Yee: No, that was a quote that was characteristics, like positive characteristic about the other person.

[00:43:35]Angie Yu: I liked all those things. I said, 

[00:43:36]Kristy Yee: should we just skip the school? 

[00:43:38] Angie Yu: Like, I don't want to, I don't want to repeat and be redundant. And, 

[00:43:43] Kristy Yee: but something that you might not say to someone you've just met. Yeah. The stuff I guess, so, yeah. All right. Question 29. Share with your partner and embarrassing moment in your life.

[00:43:54] Ooh. 

[00:43:55]Angie Yu: Okay. 

[00:43:55]Kristy Yee: Do you have something? I have lots. There was one time, um, in PE class, in like grade 12 or something. And for this particular day we had a group project group projects in PE guys. That's what happens. And my partner and I are supposed to teach a dance routine for the rest of our class. And so we go into our lockers, we like change and everything. That's when I discovered I had my period and of course. Pads or tampons or anything with me, so, okay. This is like FYI, some like, I don't know, content warning. Um, so I got my period, so I grabbed a whole bunch of like toilet paper.

[00:44:35] Like you just roll a bunch of toilet paper and you put it in your underwear so that it will do its thing. And then I go out to the gym, me and my partner, and then we're faced with our entire class. We turn on black IPS because that's the song we were dancing to. Oh God, I know it's great. We have a whole fucking dance routine going on and we're dancing.

[00:44:54] Just the two of us. Everybody's watching just the two of us. I'm wearing basketball shorts that day. And then of course, as I'm jumping up and down, oh 

[00:45:03] Angie Yu: no, 

[00:45:06] Kristy Yee: my wad of toilet paper. No, it was my period. Blood falls out of my basketball shorts. The lens on the floor faces up. So it's red and everybody's stairs.

[00:45:21] Okay. I keep dancing. I danced the whole song and the, and the toilet paper is still floor. 

[00:45:32] Angie Yu: I admire your 

[00:45:33] Kristy Yee: showman. And I think when I think at least I think this is what happened, please. Correct me if you were ever in my gym class, if something else happened, I think I danced the whole song. And then without saying a word to anybody.

[00:45:46] When the song ended, I picked up the toilet paper and I ran to the bathroom and I never came back out. Was it all girls? PE it was all girls PE classes 

[00:45:55] Angie Yu: slightly better, but it shouldn't be because fuck the patriarchy like mentioned no all about menstruation. 

[00:46:02] Kristy Yee: Yeah. I think the, uh, school system is a little bit better on their education now. Probably. Yeah. But anyways, that was my 

[00:46:10] Angie Yu: embarrassing. That's pretty embarrassing.  I already said this, but grace showmanship, 

[00:46:14]I can't think of one because I came the most recent one that there's been so many. Okay. Most recent, most recent was when I fell into the water. When I was kayaking, I also got my period and this is the first time I've ever kayaked. And when we had Porto, the river was a lot higher than normal.

[00:46:33] So we had to actually take our kayak out of the water and walk to the next portion because there's a bridge in between. And the water was so high that you couldn't get under the bridge. So one, I don't know how to swim two. I'm like getting more and more nervous. And then when I got out of the water to Portage, I think that's the word I realized that my shorts were soaked in blood and I'm like, oh shit.

[00:46:55] And, um, I didn't know what to do. So as we were pausing on this trail, um, I kinda like let my boyfriend and the guide like walk forward a bit more. And then, um, I literally like looked around and then I saw this girl biking by and I'm like, I'm so sorry to bother you. Do you have any tampons? And I think she was like a Nordic girl. Like I see her as angel. She's like blonde pretty tall. She's like, yes, yes. Of course like takes off her backpack. Gives me a handful of tampons. I'm like, no, I don't need that many. Like, I don't even have any way to put us, like, grabbed like two or three. And she was like, oh, do you need tissue as well?

[00:47:28] I'm like, oh yes, please. And I'm like, have you seen a port-a-potty anyway? She's like, no, I don't think so. I'll just go in a Bush. So with her encouragement, I hit behind a Bush. I was looking for a Bush. My boyfriend comes back. He's like, is everything okay? And I'm like, no, it's not, but I just got some tampons from a stranger.

[00:47:44] Please take my kayak so he grabs my kayak and drags it down to meet the guy. And I'm like looking around, making sure there's nobody around. I'm like, okay, I'll do this. And then my, my tissue paper, obviously it was red. I'm like, what do I do with the tissue? Like, so I just like crumpled it up and like threw it behind the Bush. I'm like all flustered. I have my life jacket on, except it's not called a life jacket because the guy was like, it's not going to save your life. It's a personal floating device. It'll keep you afloat, but you have to be responsible for your own life. And I was like, oh my God.

[00:48:14] So at this point I'm freaking out and we get to the next portion of the river and I see a current and I'm freaking out because, and this is the part where the guy taught us how to steer using our kayak. But I was in, I was just like, my mind was all over the place that as soon as I got into the water, I completely forget everything.

[00:48:32] Forget to steer trying to like, like rope, but you're not supposed to be rowing in current. So then I just get pushed to the side of the river. It's not very wide get pushed into the trees and I didn't know how to get out. So I'm like, anyway, I panic and I flip over and I fall into the water. The water is like less than five degrees Celsius and I just freak out. Anyway, so long story short, by the time we got out of the river, I like went to the bathroom and I noticed my jeans. Because falling in the cold water had washed away all the bloods 

[00:49:04] Kristy Yee: nature, man nature.

[00:49:06] And I want to say shout out to the Norta girl, because like this just, this is such a great example of like this female community. Like we just know, we understand we get you, we get you girl, 

[00:49:17] Angie Yu: because we would do this for anyone, any girl that comes up to us and goes, do you have any tampons or pads? Just be like, yep.

[00:49:24] Tickets, pat, here you go. Um, and let me keep 

[00:49:29] Kristy Yee: watching before you, while you do your thing behind the book. Yeah. 

[00:49:31] Angie Yu: This is one of the strong female bonds that will never break. And I think some of that comes from the fact that men are so ignorant when it comes to 

[00:49:39] Kristy Yee: this like education. Right. Question 30. Okay. When did you last cry in front of another person?

[00:49:46]Angie Yu: Probably when I had that 

[00:49:47] Kristy Yee: big fight with my boyfriend, 

[00:49:48]Angie Yu: uh, I cried in front of you, kinda in front of my mom.

[00:49:51]Kristy Yee: I don't remember.  I mean, it might not be the most recent, but it was something that I remember. Um, my dad passed away in may, not this may, but like when he, his death date, uh, is may. And so I, I go visit him.

[00:50:04] Yup. And I bring like food and like this time I've never done this before I brought some beers. Aw. I brought his favorite beer and I was thinking about how, like, I never had a chance to have a beer with my dad. Oh shit. Now, so I, I cracked a beer for him and I cracked a beer for me and, and we just hung out and chatted.

[00:50:31] I start crying. Oh, dear. Well, this is why I do live in 

[00:50:38] Angie Yu: so great. The last time you cried in front of another person was now 

[00:50:42] Kristy Yee: carry on Dawn. My friend 

[00:50:45]Question 31 31. 

[00:50:48] Angie Yu: It's a very repetitive.

[00:50:50] Yeah. Tell your partner something that you like about the Marti given the fact that the, these questions are supposed to make you and your partner fall in love. That's probably why they keep repeating these questions. That affirmation formation. That's a huge, it's a big love language. Yeah. So let's go to the next one.

[00:51:06] What, if anything is too serious to be joked about? Oh, right. Yeah. I was just going to say sexual assault. I think it's too serious to be joked about. It causes so much harm to someone's life. That it should never really be a joke 

[00:51:22]Kristy Yee: Question 33. If you were to die this evening wow. With no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret? Not having told someone. And why haven't you told them yet? Oh 

[00:51:40] Angie Yu: boy. Well, I think, I think the go-to for a lot of people is to say, tell the person they love that.

[00:51:48] They love it. Awesome. Um, why haven't you told them yet 

[00:51:51] Kristy Yee: on cause often. Who is it that you're thinking of? My parents? Who are you thinking of? Yeah, 

[00:51:57] Angie Yu: my mom. Yeah. Why haven't I told them it's not really part of our culture. 

[00:52:04] Kristy Yee: It's gross. 

[00:52:05] Angie Yu: Like, but I know they love me and they know I love them.

[00:52:08] So maybe it's not something 

[00:52:09] Kristy Yee: I would regret. Uh, I think for me, it's I want to tell my mom that I love her. But more importantly is that I, I'm not mad at her. You want to tell her you forgive her? Yes. I want her to know that I forgive her and that I am not holding a grudge against her. I think that's something that she is holding onto a lot because she feels like she owes me.

[00:52:34]And I think she thinks that I'm mad at her about it. Yeah. She thinks that you still resent her. And I let her think that, 

[00:52:44] Angie Yu: oh, oh, 

[00:52:47] Kristy Yee: oh, oh. Which I don't know if that in itself means that I am willing go girls on her, but I want her to know that, you know, I, I let that shit go. Like I'm not, I'm not holding onto it as much as she is, you know?

[00:53:03] Like, I, I love her. I forgive her, whatever. I don't think she knows the extent of how much I love her.

[00:53:15] Like I used to. Um, okay. Do you remember when butterfly clips were a thing like the early two thousands? Yes. Yeah. With the glitter and everything. And we used to like put them in our hair, unfortunately. So obviously my dad doesn't know about the latest preteen trends. Yes. But my mom knew about them. And so she would buy me butterfly clips and I fucking treasured them.

[00:53:40] Like they were gold. Um, one day I went to school and one of my butterfly clips broke and I would, I just went ballistic because I felt like I had broken my mom's heart because those butterfly clips was a symbol of my mom's love for me and breaking them meant that I lost a piece of her. Oh, actually that was a story that I told my therapist that made me cry recently.

[00:54:08] Angie Yu: All, I think there is a lot of unresolved, um, forgiveness between you and your mom. I think it's hard for her to forgive herself if she doesn't know that you have forgiven her. Yeah. It's like I said, one 

[00:54:26] Kristy Yee: step at a time. You said maybe 

[00:54:29] Angie Yu: part of you, like you're letting her feel like that. I don't think it's that you're letting her.

[00:54:33] I think maybe you're just, you guys just haven't gotten there yet. 

[00:54:36] Kristy Yee: Yeah. You're not doing it out of malice. No, I'm not doing it on purpose. I just like, don't correct her. What does she say? She'd actually, doesn't say anything. See, that's probably the problem. We're not fucking talking about it. 

[00:54:48] Angie Yu: So how do you, how can you correct something when it's not correctable or you have to spoken up?

[00:54:54] Yeah. Like it's just a slow journey. It takes a little bit of action here in a little bit of action there to kind of get there. Cause that's unfortunately like with our parents, with how much trauma they bring with them from their generation, it's not something that you can talk through with them. Even if we've had a con, even if we have a conversation with our parents, it's not going to be resolved when that conversation is.

[00:55:20] There's still gotta be a lot of follow-up. Um, yeah, for my mom and I like every time we have a conversation a little bit, I get to know her a little bit more. She gets to know me a little bit more. Her respect for me increases my respect for her increases. One thing that my mom always say to people, um, she said this to my boyfriend when she first met him too.

[00:55:39] It was like, I know that our Angie has a little bit of a temper, but good thing is she has a kind heart. My mom always said that about. 

[00:55:50] Kristy Yee: You know what I liked most about that? She said our, yeah. 

[00:55:57] Angie Yu: Cause it's the part that made me go off. 

[00:55:59] Kristy Yee: I thought that was subtle. I thought I was going to blow your mind. 

[00:56:04]Okay. Next question is 34. Your house containing everything you own. Fuck this. This is one of my worst nightmares. Fuck this question. So your house containing everything you own catches fire after saving your loved ones and pets.

[00:56:20] My non-existent cat that I will one day have and love forever. And ever. And ever you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be and why? My dad's briefcase. Oh, what's in it just like his stuff. Like his, just like he has like old, um, ledgers, you know? So it's like his writing and his, um, it'll have his, his Safeway card because it has a signature on his back.

[00:56:53] So, um, Yeah, just, there's nothing important in there. It's just stuff that reminds me of, of him. Wow.

[00:57:01]God damn questions. 

[00:57:04]

[00:57:04] 

[00:57:14]Angie Yu: Well, um, I can tell that like, it's very, very obvious. You have a lot of love for your parents, even though you have been through a lot with them, there's been a lot of unfortunate circumstances for both of your parents. They were, they had their own hardships to go through and you were caught in the middle of a lot of that.

[00:57:34] And I think that's why you forgive them because you know, it was out of their control. 

[00:57:38]Kristy Yee: Thank you for understanding. I understand,

[00:57:44] Angie Yu: because I went through, I have processed mine for my parents as well, and it's hard. Yeah, the intergeneration, oh, now I'm going, the intergeneration trauma is hard. Like it's, it's not something we can control, but I think for a good part of our life, we present our parents because we inherit that from them, but I would never resigned my parents.

[00:58:09] If I inherited like a physical illness, I would never resent them for that. But we tend to resent our parents for emotional hardship and. Especially if this from immigrant parents or parents who come from a generation that has their own trauma, like, and especially in Chinese community, because our parents don't talk to us about that trauma.

[00:58:32] Then we don't understand where their trauma comes from. Then that makes it even harder for us to resolve that, that tension, but with them. And I think this is why like talking to our parents is really important and trying to extract those stories from them. I have over time extracted a lot of stories out of my mom.

[00:58:51] And over time, the more I understand my parents, the more I forgive them. And the more I take that barrier, that hard shell off of my love for them, because I wanted to protect that love that I do have from them.  

[00:59:11]Kristy Yee: And this is now our third time 

[00:59:13] Angie Yu: crying your third time. My second time crying

[00:59:18] Kristy Yee: okay. Okay. Um, we are on question number 34. Oh, my God, 35. That's close to the end. Yeah. 

[00:59:25] Angie Yu: Well, we're almost at two hours. I'm surprised that 

[00:59:27] Kristy Yee: there's still 

[00:59:27] Angie Yu: champagne left.

[00:59:28] I'm surprised there's still people here.

[00:59:30]Kristy Yee: Okay. Question 35 of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing and why?

[00:59:40]We're going to sit in silence for just a little bit, cause this is a lot to process.

[00:59:43]Angie Yu: Um, of all the people in my family whose death would you find most? Just strobing. 

[00:59:48] Kristy Yee: Why disturbing? Yeah. Why disturbing? 

[00:59:51] Angie Yu: Why not shocking or sad? Sad or depressing? Why to starving? 

[00:59:56] Kristy Yee: Because when they say disturbing, I think of gruesome. Yeah. Like I think, I think 

[01:00:00] Angie Yu: of like, like that word disturbing disturb. What, what are we disturbing?

[01:00:07] Your peace, your silence, your happiness, maybe. Yeah. 

[01:00:11] Kristy Yee: Your mental health. It disturbs him. All of the deaths will just have. Okay. Okay. Going back to the question of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, impactful. I'm going to change the question. Sorry. New York times. 

[01:00:30] Angie Yu: Well, it's New York times just reporting the questions that the psychologists, I forgot their name.

[01:00:36] Like it's, I'm blanking out. It's whatever. As a matter it was created so long ago, for 

[01:00:42] Kristy Yee: those of you listening in the future, we will link in the show notes, the 36 questions to fall in love. We highly, highly recommend you do this with a friend with a loved one with your family member. And if 36 questions is too much, just go to question 22.

[01:00:56] That's our favorite one so far and probably will be our favorite one. Cause we're we are on this one too. I don't know. This one feels fucked up. Which one? Which death would you find? Most disturbing? All of them, but that's a cop-out answer. So, you know, probably my mom, I guess, cause that's my only parent left.

[01:01:14] Yeah. The 

[01:01:15] Angie Yu: one that would impact my life the most would be my mom. Um, with my family back in China, they're all still alive by my grandparents, my aunt and uncles, my cousins they're all alive, but I did this thing in therapy where I have already grieved my loss of them 

[01:01:31] Kristy Yee: because 

[01:01:32] Angie Yu: one of the unresolved traumas that I had was losing everyone when I immigrated to Canada.

[01:01:39]Um, and I never grieved it because I they're still alive, but it's a loss in the sense of. This family I knew of, and this family I was part of is gone. So that was something that I had always, always sat pretty heavy with me. And I never realized why is that so heavy with me until I brought it up in therapy.

[01:02:03] And I properly grieved that this life of mine that I had before and that this version of Angie that was in China is gone. 

[01:02:18] Kristy Yee: So it's not even just grieving the people that you have left behind in China, but also grieving the person that you used to be when you were in China. Yeah, 

[01:02:28] Angie Yu: because it was so different and that sometimes it feels like it was a dream.

[01:02:31] Yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so it would be my mom. Yeah. Or my grandma, not, not the grandma that I liked, but the grandma don't like the one with the 

[01:02:39] Kristy Yee: broom. Yeah. I see the 

[01:02:41] Angie Yu: one with the bar because I don't see myself ever reconciling with her. 

[01:02:45] Kristy Yee: So short answer with me, my mom, because she is my she's the only parent left in my life right now.

[01:02:52] And I think if she dies, touch all the wood, just I'm just going to I'm superstitious. So let me just read. This is also wood. Okay. Oh, excellent. Well, I didn't want to, you know, ruin the microphone, dude. This, the reverb motherfucker because when, when, when she's gone, I will not have any parents left and that will be a thing for me to deal with one day.

[01:03:22] Yeah. 

[01:03:23] Angie Yu: That is a survey. Like I don't even want to think of. My parents dying. 

[01:03:27] Kristy Yee: Anyways, last question. Would you do the honors in reading it? Cause I think I read all of us. 

[01:03:31] Angie Yu: Number 36, share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he, or she might handle it. Also ask your partner to reflect back on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

[01:03:47] Kristy Yee: I don't like this question. 

[01:03:49] Angie Yu: Yeah, me neither. That's probably why it's question number 36. Damn a personal problem. But I have so many. I'm just kidding. 

[01:03:59]Kristy Yee: I think I'm in a place right now where I'm not ruminating all my problems. Yeah. Cause I just recently got out of depression, um, like a depressive episode that I had for about two months.

[01:04:10] And I'm out of that space now, which is great. And so I'm not really ruminating on a personal problem. I'm not saying I don't have problems. Everybody's got problems and I have a good sack. 

[01:04:25]Angie Yu: That's what 

[01:04:26] Kristy Yee: he said.

[01:04:27]Do you have something in mind? 

[01:04:29]Angie Yu: That's the thing, like not a problem, but maybe that's where 

[01:04:33] Kristy Yee: we're. I'm just going to keep drinking the medleys. 

[01:04:37] Angie Yu: Maybe that's where our problem comes in is that we're not sharing these things that we think are small problems and we don't want to burden other people with 

[01:04:45]Kristy Yee: it.

[01:04:45] That that's a problem. And if it's not just, yeah, but like 

[01:04:48] Angie Yu: you said, you're like, oh, I don't really have that many problems. I have a lot of small problems, but none of them are worth full. 

[01:04:54] Kristy Yee: The thing is, I think they're not worth sharing. It's just like these problems. I'm working on them. Like my relationship with my mom, for example, that's a problem that I have in my life.

[01:05:03] We're not in a perfect place. Right. But we are in a place where we are trying to resolve or we're trying to repair our relationship. And in the last few weeks, I feel like we have gotten in a really good place because we haven't fought for a really long time. And that feels good. You know, we've been having kind of like on Saturdays.

[01:05:23] It's like, uh, me and mom kind of a day and I take her out for like a hike or a walk or we go shop something, we do something together and it's been really nice to do that. And we're not, again, we're not perfect, but it's been going well at work. We're communicating. And I I've, I'm finding that she is also communicating back to me, which is not something that she generally does and I'm not used to that.

[01:05:50] And I'm seeing signs that she is also growing as well because she's, she knows I've spoiler a lot. I'm moving, I'm moving to Toronto. And she has known this for a while, but it's kind of finally setting, setting, settling in because I have just bought my plane ticket. I have a place already, et cetera. And she's learning to become more independent.

[01:06:16] She would ask me like, oh, how do you cook this? Like, let me write it down. And she'll be like, let me try to recreate this dish that you made. Like, can you supervise me? And I will do it myself, or I will take her on a cool hike and she'd be like, oh, let me try to remember where this park is. So that when you're in Toronto, I can come back to this park on my own, you know?

[01:06:38] And she's hanging out with her friends, she's picking up a new hobby. She's been doing gardening and she's like hanging out with her friends, going to like gardening shops, doing her thing. And I've been feeling really good about my relationship with my mom. I would say when I first read this question, question number 36, share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he, or she might handle it.

[01:07:01] The first thing I thought of is my relationship with my mom, because I live with her. It's very forefront and there's a lot of past trauma behind it. There's a lot of stuff to unpack. However, I do feel like we're in a nice place and we are still working on it. 

[01:07:18] Angie Yu: Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. And I don't, I don't even think you need my advice because I think.

[01:07:25] Like you said before you use my example, use my life as an example. I'm just kidding. Um, but yeah, like I'm always here for you. Are you? Um, yeah, this question, I think has so many layers and if I am going to get super deep about this, um, please do for one thing, like all those problems I've had before, like like I had something, there was something wrong with everything in my life. I didn't like my job. Um, I didn't like how my friendships were. I didn't, I didn't have a relationship. My relationship ended had ended.

[01:07:58] I didn't like myself. I didn't like my relationship with my parents. I was just in a really dark place. And the one thing that got me out of it was of course, the support of my friends and family. but also intensely because of therapy.

[01:08:13] And like we said, this so many times like therapy, like everybody can benefit from therapy. Like therapy is just so good. It's not the therapist that makes it, although that has a huge factor in your journey, but it's your approach to therapy because the only thing that the therapist can be there for is to bring out a side of you, that you is hard for you to confront.

[01:08:37] They'll keep asking questions until something comes up. They don't tell you how to live your life. They don't tell you what to do or not to do. They just give you the tools 

[01:08:45] Kristy Yee: and strategies. Correct. And they tap into this place where you don't want to go by yourself. So they guide you into going to those places.

[01:08:52] That's what they're there for. They're here to guide you, but you have to be on board for this job. 

[01:08:58]Angie Yu: So like I am at a place right now where I'm very, very happy and content with my life. And I feel at peace. The only thing that gets in the way of that is myself. I still have a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors.

[01:09:14] And for me, it's my relationship with myself. There are still days where I can't find the motivation to take care of myself. There are days where I think about if it weren't for these people in my life, like, I don't know what I would do. It's just so much easier for me to find the willingness to care for other people than to care for myself.

[01:09:44] Kristy Yee: I think it's always easier to share a love for another person than it is for yourself, because we grew up in a culture where the term selfish is really skewed, really defined. Mm yes. And so we feel really guilty when we want to do anything that benefits us because that aligns with the definition of being selfish. You think so? I think so. Like, cause we feel selfish for doing self care. You know, we feel selfish for wanting to, um, give ourselves some love and compassion and that's where it's, that's the challenging thing is going against that thought.

[01:10:25]And it's not an easy thing. It's just acknowledging that. Oh, Hey, I, I do this. That in itself is already a first step to having self-care so acknowledge that, Hey, sometimes I tend to think of others before I think about myself.

[01:10:40] That's right. That's step one. Step two is once you have acknowledged that, okay, what can I do now? That will actually take care of me. What is it that I need when you mentioned, like, I should be feeding myself. I should be doing laundry. I should be doing  right. Maybe you should like maybe, but maybe you do just need that time to be on your phone.

[01:11:00] Maybe like that is your own self care. 

[01:11:02] Angie Yu: Yeah. I think I'm starting to notice a difference. Like sometimes I'm on, I feel anxious and I'm on my phone doing whatever it is to distract myself from that anxiety. And it makes me more, yeah. Hm. And that's when I go, okay, I can, I feel what my body is doing. I want to put my phone down and just do something small.

[01:11:19] And then I feel so much better after, and you know what? This is something that I would not have been able to do before therapy, because I don't know how to identify anxiety. I don't know how to identify these feelings and these emotions. Um, and by feelings, I mean these physiological feelings, right. Um, and now I can identify it and then I go, okay, I need to put my phone down.

[01:11:39] I'm obviously avoiding something. I get up and do something small. And then I do something a little bit bigger. It's just something a little bit bigger. And then I feel better. And then I sit down and do some go on my phone and then I don't feel anxious anymore. Yeah. So I just need to keep doing that, keep doing that.

[01:11:53]

[01:11:53] 

[01:11:57]Kristy Yee: So that's it for today. We are going to wrap up and, and our recording, um, because I want to eat cake and pee. Yeah, me too. 

[01:12:10] Angie Yu: But not in that order. I want to pee first and then eat cake so I can enjoy cake without, I 

[01:12:15] Kristy Yee: don't mind doing them simultaneously, but you know, whatever, whatever 

[01:12:18] Angie Yu: floats your boat

[01:12:20] 

[01:12:51]