32. Our Shit: How to Process and Manage Anxiety

Kristy discusses coping mechanisms for anxiety. What helps us vs. what makes it worse. Moving to a new city is not turning out to be the way she expected and she feels incredibly overwhelmed. She sits down with Angie to talk about her experience, and about coping mechanisms for anxiety and what helps us versus what prolongs the impact of it on our day-to-day life. 

Takeaway:

• Let yourself feel the physiological effects of anxiety rather than finding ways to suppress it because prolonged suppression of anxiety will magnify its impact
• Breaking down an overwhelming task into smaller items also applies to self-care and to mental health journeys
• If you cannot sit with your anxiety, give yourself an action item to look forward to doing while you allow yourself the time to process
• As cliche, as it is, talking to someone you trust about what you’re going through helps not only your own emotional well-being, but also develops your relationships

Mentions & Resources:

• Beyond Happiness: The Upside of Feeling Down
• The Positive Side to Your Anxiety
• Helpful vs Harmful: Ways to Manage Emotions

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Transcript

Kristy Yee: 0:00

And today we are, this is, we are, whoa, my God. I cannot

Angie Yu: 0:30

Welcome back to another episode of shit. We don't tell mom, this is Angie.

Kristy Yee: 0:33

This is Christie. Today we are, this is, we are, whoa, my God. I cannot

Angie Yu: 0:40

so Christie, I think Christie's a little bit nervous because today we are going to be talking about her experience in Toronto.

Kristy Yee: 0:49

Hi. Okay. I want to preface, this is another, our shit episode where we talk about our updates on how we are currently managing our mental wellbeing. Dot.dot

Angie Yu: 1:05

Dot.dot

Kristy Yee: 1:06

My mental wellbeing.

Angie Yu: 1:07

her mental well-being her emotional wellbeing, her physical wellbeing.

Kristy Yee: 1:11

Okay. So today I want to talk about anxiety. I want to just straight up talk about today's all about anxiety. So we're going to talk about my shit, but it's also going to be an episode on anxiety because I'm feeling a fuck ton of anxiety. I've moved, but diff varying degrees and anxiety for different things. I am right now, as I'm sitting in this chair, recording with you and I am really fucking nervous and I don't know why we have been recording forever. This is season three. You would think this shit is like, you know, whatevs. It's like picking up the phone and calling you. I'm still like, oh God now. Laughter. Okay. Coping. My heart rate is, has like significantly increased my fingers and my toes are very climbing right now. And I've been feeling this way, every single day when I wake up. And generally I feel an extra dose when I'm about to jump on a call or going to a meeting or, you know, go to class it's like some form of social anxiety, but what I really think is I'm having, I'm experiencing just a whole bunch of underlying anxiety because I just moved to a new place. I just started school. School's fucking overwhelming. So I have this humming anxiety in the background, and then any time there's something I have to do. Like go out and buy groceries or dump on a call with you. If I have to engage in an activity, then my baseline level anxiety, soars, even higher. Am I making sense? Does that make sense?

Angie Yu: 3:09

Yeah, it does. So how do you feel? Let's say you're at home, you're sitting on the couch, catching up with your messages and then you're like, shit, I need to go to the grocery store and like 12 minutes. Well, how do you feel?

Kristy Yee: 3:23

So here's the thing. I don't even engage in those activities very much anymore because I am constantly doing homework. And that's where majority of my anxiety is coming from is coming from school. Freaking me out. And I feel like if I stop to go out and buy groceries, I'm wasting time. I could be reading another paper. You know, if I, if I go and like stop and cook some food, it's like, I do it out of necessity because my body needs sustenance. But, but my mind is thinking about, I could be reading another one. Every single activity that I'm doing that is outside of school. I'm like I could be doing homework and it's a life sucker. It's like, I cannot think of anything else besides do homework. And if I'm not engaged in some sort of school-related activity, then my anxiety sores even more.

Angie Yu: 4:27

Is it. So have you, do you feel this often, is this a feeling that you have felt before? Or do you think it's just now because.

Kristy Yee: 4:36

I don't recall feeling this in undergrad I have a couple of theories. One of them is cause. We've been talking a lot more about mental health. Being a mental health advocate. Speaking about mental health, us having this podcast, I am so much more engrossed in this mental wellness space. So I'm thinking about it all the time. And I wonder if that makes me a lot more sensitive. The other one. So the first one is more like sensitive in a negative way. The positive effect is somewhere along similar lines, is that because I'm thinking more about it, I'm more aware and more in tuned with my own feelings and emotions, and I'm giving myself more space and allowing myself to feel a lot of these things. And therefore it's coming out a lot more. So maybe in the past, I didn't feel it because there was some suppression or some just.

Angie Yu: 5:28

You could be. but it seems like this is bothering you. Oh a lot more. Like the way you're talking about this is you're coming from a place of unfamiliarity

Kristy Yee: 5:38

So this year I had, to take time off because I was hella depressed. I I'm, I am scared. I am scared that I'm, I will go down a similar path. If I cannot find ways to manage my anxiety. It's different than. You know what I had experienced this year, because that was from compassion, fatigue. It was from a whole bunch of different other variables that contributed to the depression. And this time it's like, it's anxiety that we're talking about. Right. But nonetheless, I'm afraid that I'm going to go down this path of scary place. If I don't find some ways to deal with. With this anxiety. And then I started thinking, I'm like, okay, well, if I'm, if I'm setting myself up thinking that I'm going to fail, then I'm going to fail. You know, if I keep psyching myself up that, oh, you're gonna, you're not gonna be able to manage this. Well, like you're gonna have some mental breakdown halfway through the semester, then. I'm a F I'm, I'm afraid of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. You know what I mean?

Angie Yu: 6:52

Okay. Like, your anxiety is coming from someplace, like there's obviously you're scared of something.

Kristy Yee: 6:56

I'm scared. I can't do the program.

Angie Yu: 6:59

there you go.

Kristy Yee: 6:59

I'm just like so overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do,

Angie Yu: 7:08

Yeah. It's literally been like two weeks of school.

Kristy Yee: 7:11

So here's the thing, like I was thinking about why, why am I doing grad school?

Angie Yu: 7:18

Ah,

Kristy Yee: 7:19

is the purpose of doing grad school?

Angie Yu: 7:22

Like why did you put yourself into this situation?

Kristy Yee: 7:24

Did I make the right choice? No. yes. I, I think about that and yes, I do. I do think I made the right choice. It's still something that I want to pursue. It's something that I want to do and I don't regret that at all. You know, and to see the amount of fucking shit that I have to do. Every single day. I'm like, I don't know if this is possible, which causes the anxiety. Right? Because now it's like, oh my gosh, my to-do list is a thousand pages long. And I don't know now I just, I just feel, I just feel like I'm complaining for the sake of complaining. Like I feel like I'm just being such a champagne person talking about first-world problem.

Angie Yu: 8:07

It sounds more like you're trying to organize your thoughts. Like you're not complaining, you're trying to figure out what it is that you actually feel. You know what I mean? Like from the, so from.

Kristy Yee: 8:19

Time to think about those things, because I could be reading a paper.

Angie Yu: 8:25

That's what I mean, like, remember, how much we talked about like self care and shit like that.

Kristy Yee: 8:29

huh? I try. It's not that I don't. And I recognize the importance of it. Like I'm not, I'm probably not doing it in a very healthy way, but I still try to find time to do those things. Like I'm still journaling, for example, I I'm, I try to do fun things. I took a bubble bath the other day, but I also took a bubble bath with my laptop. So I can read a paper while to get.

Angie Yu: 8:55

Yeah, that's not, that's not enough care. Feels like you're just forcing yourself to journal and take bubble bath and do logic puzzles before bed,

Kristy Yee: 9:03

I'm trying to do a lot of these things, but. The degree of stuff that I used to do for myself compared to how much I'm doing now is very different. The ratios are very different and the quality of self care activity is also.

Angie Yu: 9:24

Yeah, I was just going to say 13 hours of homework, plus I don't know what, like five minutes of journaling does not seem like it would do anything. Like, what about seeing friends or having a good meal or, you know, having a good meal where you're not reading a paper. How about that?

Kristy Yee: 9:45

I'm trying to figure out what it is that I am feeling. I obviously can feel the anxiety because I wake up with burning sensations in my stomach, you know, and in my. after I eat, that's even worse

Angie Yu: 10:01

Oh,

Kristy Yee: 10:02

food in my body.

Angie Yu: 10:03

Oh, no. I hate that feeling.

Kristy Yee: 10:05

my GI gets even more like crap.

Angie Yu: 10:09

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 10:10

These are feelings of anxiety. I recognize them. They're very similar to the ones that I would have. Previously, but those were work induced and those were imposter syndrome induced this time. I don't, I don't feel like I'm an imposter. I don't feel like I like all my. Value, you know who I am as a human being and where my career's going to go is dependent on this. I don't feel that because I had one spelt that when I was trying to get into the UBC program, which is like, oh my God, if I don't get in, then like, I, I, what am I going to do with my life? You know, it wasn't that type of anxiety. It's it's. I don't know how this is humanly possible for, for me to do this. Cause I feel like, unless I put in 13 hours every single day, like seven days a week, I won't be able to complete all the things that I need to complete. and like, I'm trying to introduce all these concepts that you and I have learned. In our wellness journey, and practices that I have started to do in my workplace, which is like, you know, breaking out my tasks, inserting different activities in between. Like I used to play tennis after meetings or before meetings, and then I would see clients and then I will do something else. And then, you know what I mean? Like I do that I had a lot more autonomy in my job. And then focusing on self care and, and knowing that work, isn't my life. And I fully embrace that work is not my life that I have other things I care about in my life. I have my mum, I have all my relationships. I have this podcast. I have like tennis and biking and choir and singing. Like, those are all important things in my life that I enjoy. And I want to spend time and energy on those things too. And that, that gives me balance. With grad school. I don't even know where to find that ability to insert those things. I know that it's not my life and I know that my value. Isn't tied to it, but I still want to do well. Like I still want to finish the program. Like I'm paying fucking money for this. You know what I mean? Like,

Angie Yu: 12:17

Yeah, of course.

Kristy Yee: 12:18

But how do I, envision the rest of this year and pace myself, but at the same time, be able to have my deliverables and then also take care of my own wellbeing. I feel like there's no room to give

Angie Yu: 12:37

yeah. Okay. Now I think, I think. Kind of brings it back to my first question of like, how are you managing yourself care? Cause like you said, you have all these other things you care about, like your relationships, your mom, your activities and stuff like that. But right now you're not engaging in any of those. So right now your life is imbalanced.

Kristy Yee: 13:01

it's not, and that's, that's actually, that's causing me more anxiety. That makes me feel like, oh my gosh, if I don't have my shit together, like if I don't figure out how to make this work for me for the next year, then I'm going to have a mental breakdown somewhere down the road. And that's when I'm like, oh my gosh. I understand this is just the beginning and the beginning probably feels the hardest, right? It's it's also a very different mind shift going from a working professional to a student and all, all of that. I get it. But maybe my own underlying anxiety is like, you got to figure this shit out now, you know, it's like that planner in me.

Angie Yu: 13:41

I think that's what it is. Okay. First of all, you've only been there for two weeks. Okay. School's only started for two weeks. You were here in Vancouver like a week ago, doing your duties as part of a wedding, but like I don't mean to make it sound like I'm scolding you like it's fucking two weeks until your one year in Toronto, your one year is not going to be like this, like, like. Yeah, I think that's exactly what it is. You're you're you want to see yourself do well, and right now you can't see yet because you're still getting used to your new life, but then you're giving yourself a hard time for not being able to, I don't know, like envision it, like I'm sure when you thought about going to grad school. Okay. You know what, paint me a picture. Paint me a picture of what the perfect week or perfect day would look like. As part of Christie's one year in Toronto doing her grad school?

Kristy Yee: 14:39

I can't

Angie Yu: 14:40

No. Like before, before you went there, before you started the program, what was the perfect picture in your head?

Kristy Yee: 14:47

Okay. I, I'm just, I'm just thinking about that picture that I painted in my own head before I started school. And that picture seems so fucking unrealistic right now

Angie Yu: 14:58

Doesn't matter. Just tell, tell

Kristy Yee: 15:00

like humorous, you know? so I. Knew that we have full-time classes two days a week. So I'm like two days a week laws. I have five whole fucking days.

Angie Yu: 15:14

you told me you were going to find a job.

Kristy Yee: 15:16

Actually. I do have a job. I'm a TA.

Angie Yu: 15:20

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. KK. Yup.

Kristy Yee: 15:23

I almost picked up a second job and I turned it down on Monday. We are recording on a Thursday right now. So I had, I had another job opportunity, but I was like, the fact that I thought about it, the fact that I considered doing two jobs.

Angie Yu: 15:39

The fact that you got an offer for a second job, you didn't just think about it.

Kristy Yee: 15:44

Well, I was thinking like of doing it, you know what I mean? And then, so you see, this was my self care. I was like, you know what, no, I will legitimately die if I pick up a second job. So I turned down the second job, which is

Angie Yu: 15:58

Okay. Good job.

Kristy Yee: 15:59

Okay. Whew. Okay. so when I initially imagined grad school, I'm like. Two days in school, five whole other days, I will do a part-time job. I was thinking I would spend a lot more time on the podcast. Now. I think it's the opposite. I'm going to go out exploring like every week coming in a bike, I'm going to go to all these different neighborhoods in Toronto and start to make friends and meet different people and find a tennis crew. And. Yeah.

Angie Yu: 16:33

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 16:34

So school was like, it was part of it, but it was definitely, definitely not maybe top five, but like number five, you know what I mean?

Angie Yu: 16:44

Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's totally because when people go to school, especially since you're paying for grad school, it's more for the experience at anything. Same thing. Like when I went abroad for the year, I wasn't gonna break. like from my co-op job, I think I barely broke even on that and spend more money and obviously exchange was way more money, but you're paying for the experience. Cause you know, like it's not about the job, it's not about the actual classes they do help, but it's about this experience and a moment in life that you won't be able to do again.

Kristy Yee: 17:16

Exactly. And it was so much more about me moving to Toronto. Then me going to grad school, you know, the grad school thing was a bonus. It was something I wanted to do. And it was a bonus, but it wasn't everything. It wasn't my everything.

Angie Yu: 17:30

it was kind of an excuse to see what a different life would look like. when I went abroad, it was an excuse to just get away from my. By family not get away from them, but like get away from the overbearing, you know, Chinese mother and get away from like this life that I've known all my life. Right. So I feel like, yeah, for you, it was more so moving to another city that was kind of the biggest draw. So now all the things like exploring the city, which is obviously why you moved to the city is no longer possible. So of course you feelings anxious. Okay. So you know how you love lists?

Kristy Yee: 18:12

oh my God. I was so many, yes. Go

Angie Yu: 18:17

I was just going to say, I bet you have upper Gillian lists.

Kristy Yee: 18:20

I have way more lists now as a grad student, then I feel like ever in my life,

Angie Yu: 18:26

Maybe.

Kristy Yee: 18:27

do you want to see some they're very,

Angie Yu: 18:29

Oh my God.

Kristy Yee: 18:30

they're all accessible.

Angie Yu: 18:33

Oh, my God stop. You're giving me anxiety stuff. I don't want to

Kristy Yee: 18:36

I

Angie Yu: 18:36

at it. I don't want to looking at it. I don't want to look at it. You're giving me anxiety.

Kristy Yee: 18:40

love my lists.

Angie Yu: 18:42

secondhand anxiety from you right now. So, okay. Out of those lists, how many of those are fulfilling? What you wanted to move to Toronto for like a list of places you want to check out list of neighborhoods or list of activities that you want to do in Toronto? How many. So I was going to say, why don't you just make a list? Like something realistic, maybe book, like, I don't know, a Friday after noon, every week to spare to check off one thing off the list.

Kristy Yee: 19:14

Okay. That's actually a really. Really good idea. I wasn't sure there was going to be a takeaway for this episode. It was just Christie bitching about her life and anxiety of how hard school is. I really like that.

Angie Yu: 19:28

well, because like the thing is like, when I'm overwhelmed and I tell people about it, they're like, oh, we should make a list. And I'm just like, yeah. Yeah, whatever. Cause I'm not a list person, but you are a list person. So you show used lists to your advantage.

Kristy Yee: 19:42

I am a list person.

Angie Yu: 19:44

Oh, you're such a list person.

Kristy Yee: 19:45

I'm already excited

Angie Yu: 19:47

I know. I just,

Kristy Yee: 19:48

another list.

Angie Yu: 19:49

looked so like upset. Not like at me or anything. You just looked, Down sorrowful a bit like gloomy at the beginning of this call. And now you're actually smiling because of a list because of a list.

Kristy Yee: 20:01

Okay. But like a list that I look forward to making as well as checking off, because it's going to give me a lot of joy. But, I,. like I know I'm going to get more into the hang of things. I will get into some sort of routine things might not be as bad as I perceive them to be right now because of, you know, so many changes that's happening. I know, but it doesn't take away the fact that I am still extremely anxious. About it.

Angie Yu: 21:32

Yeah. And right now, you're busy feeling it. So just let yourself feel the anxiety deal with the aftermath of it later. Deal with the retrospective, summary of your feelings, like telling yourself, oh, I was just feeling this way because blah, blah, blah, deal with that later, I guess like, hopefully by the time this episode comes out, you'll have fully internalized anxiety. And then when you listen back to this, you'll be like, okay. So that's why, like,

Kristy Yee: 22:00

I will likely cringe very much

Angie Yu: 22:03

That's okay. sure there are people out there who listened to this and they're not cringing because they, maybe they feel the same way right now. And right now you just need to feel it. I'm going to sound like my therapist here. You just need to feel it. just let yourself feel the anxiety. Cause I feel like whenever the anxiety comes up, we not just you and me, but like we, as people, we try to find ways to not feel it for me. That's trying to find answers. For me, I'm always truth seeking to try to come up with an explanation for everything, instead of just feeling those feelings. So I try to, logic await the feelings, which doesn't help. Some people avoid. To avoid dealing with the feeling, some people plan for the future to avoid feeling the feelings. Yes, that's right. I'm looking at you, Christie.

Kristy Yee: 22:56

That's totally me.

Angie Yu: 22:57

yeah.

Kristy Yee: 22:59

And that's why it's like the underlying anxiety is, is telling me, yo, you better have a plan. You better have. It's like, you know, the, just coming up. Okay. You know, you're gonna, you're feeling so much anxiety right now and you don't want to go down that path of like a mental breakdown. So you better fucking set up some, some plans and you know, how. I can't eat. What's a synonym for a plan. Just have your shit together. So that, so that down the road, you're a little bit more set up. Like that is actually how I manage my anxiety. Right. That's how I manage my workload. When I look at a giant project, you break it down into tiny pieces, tiny, manageable pieces. And then you're like, okay, it's not so bad. Right? You do, you do things one step at a time. I'm just taking this and I'm just blowing it into like a way bigger proportional. And thing. And, and in my mind, I'm trying to, I'm basically trying to project manage my anxiety, but the fact that I don't have a plan is making me even more anxious. It feeds into the anxiety, even though the plan was to help mitigate things. It, oh my gosh. I keep using that word. I guess this episode is truly about anxiety. When you can say it 10 times in a sentence,

Angie Yu: 24:21

Yeah, but we like, that's just how our coping mechanism that we've learned. Like, even when you started telling me about why you're anxious, I was trying to come up with reasons why you were anxious. Right. Cause that's how I deal with anxiety, but that's just like, that's we all have there. I wouldn't say that there, this is the managing anxiety. This was more like our coping methods. To try to dull the feeling of anxiety or to kind of suppress it a little bit so that we don't have to deal with how overwhelmingly anxious we are, but actually managing it is like feeling the feelings. And then I don't know, just kind of like letting yourself feel it rather than trying to control it or suppressive or whatever it is we do to cope with. Because it is scary. It's also scary to be like, I know what I, I so overwhelmed right now. I'm going to cry. Like that's a scary feeling too,

Kristy Yee: 25:18

Yeah, I'm, I'm almost waiting. Like, when am

Angie Yu: 25:21

down.

Kristy Yee: 25:21

start breaking down and crying? I haven't yet.

Angie Yu: 25:25

Yeah. Because you haven't, softed your options of coping mechanisms.

Kristy Yee: 25:29

haven't allowed myself to even feel those things because I need to read another damn paper.

Angie Yu: 25:34

Oh my God. So maybe, maybe your self care is you just need to put the paper down, let yourself cry it out a little bit.

Kristy Yee: 25:41

What I do think was, I mean, I'm going to go back to that recommendation that you did was to make a list of all the fun things that I might want to be doing in Toronto. Kind of like a Toronto bucket list. And I like me a good bucket list. I

Angie Yu: 26:00

doesn't take away the anxiety though. Let's.

Kristy Yee: 26:02

No, but I think, okay. So because you were talking about our different ways of coping, right? Yours is about lodging it. And then me is about, I got a plan for it and make plans and make lists. I think Y your solution or your recommendation resonated so much for me is because that was something that is in line with the way that I cope with anxiety, which is.

Angie Yu: 26:26

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 26:28

More planning.

Angie Yu: 26:29

Yeah. But that's okay, because it's a sense of control over your life. And right now you feel out of control because you had no idea how much of your time it was going to be. Like you had no idea that the commitment to school was this huge. So right now you feel about a control because you're a planner and you it's right now, reality is not matching up with what your expectations were. So of course you're anxious.

Kristy Yee: 26:56

I do feel a lot better than at the beginning of this episode. I am still clammy. I'm still, I still have all of the same thoughts in my mind that I had described today, but I physically like physiologically actually feel a little bit calmer. And I think that comes from knowing that there's some sort of an action plan, which is making the list. And then also. Just the fact that I'm talking about it. made a list of all the stuff to talk about

Angie Yu: 27:36

Oh, my God.

Kristy Yee: 27:37

and,

Angie Yu: 27:38

Of course he did.

Kristy Yee: 27:40

and I talked about all of them, you know, and, and

Angie Yu: 27:45

I'm making lists work.

Kristy Yee: 27:47

well, I think, I think I was making a list, not just for. The sake of this episode, but also because I haven't really fully sat down and talk to someone about all of these things.

Angie Yu: 28:02

Ah, Christie. So you've just been sitting there stewing in your own misery.

Kristy Yee: 28:08

So now that I've gotten this whole list off of my chest in one go, I think that in itself made me feel a lot.

Angie Yu: 28:18

Oh, you poor thing.

Kristy Yee: 28:20

No, it's a good day. This is a good way to end the episode.

Angie Yu: 28:25

Oh no, I know, but like you were not pushing it, but I hope that you weren't putting your own wellness on hold. For the sake of like,

Kristy Yee: 28:39

This episode.

Angie Yu: 28:41

until waiting until this episode to talk about it. Cause like, if you need somebody to talk to you earlier,

Kristy Yee: 28:47

No, no, no. It's, it's definitely not that. I mean, we talked about, you know, a lot of great things from the previous episode episode, one of, or just go the previous episode

Angie Yu: 29:00

this episode 31.

Kristy Yee: 29:02

Yes. fuck. Okay. So it's not like I haven't been talking about all of these things. I've been talking about them in snippets. Like I talked to my boyfriend about them. I've talked to other friends about them in snippets, but there's not, it's not a full hour conversation where we sit down and. Go into, you know, I'm feeling these things. These are the reasons why I think I feel these things because it's not matching up what the expectation it's not aligning with how I normally function, all of that stuff. You know, It's basically a very comprehensive package of what we have done today to those short snippet conversations of just me bitching on text message. Be like they hate school.

Angie Yu: 29:46

Yeah, you're kind of summarizing everything that you felt so far and reorganize you in your head so that it makes more sense. And then you can be like, yeah, you know what? I'm, I'm anxious, I'm anxious, period. I'm just going to feel it. And then now I have this one thing to look forward to doing. So I'm going to let myself feel anxious. Just let myself be. You don't need to suppress it because. You know what, once I'm done feeling anxious, I have this one thing to do, which is the list of things you want to accomplish going around Toronto. Like that's something you can look forward to, but right now, knowing that you have something to do next about this whole situation allows you the time to be like, okay, I'm anxious. That's how I feel, et cetera.

Kristy Yee: 30:34

Yeah. And, and that, I know this is what I'm going to do next, but I don't have to do it right away, you know, by at least I know.

Angie Yu: 30:42

Yes, there you go. At least, you know? Yeah. It's all new situations are hard and not, no, like I'm going to relate it back again to my dog, to my puppy, you know, like people say puppies are a lot of work, but holy fuck. Is it a lot of work? And I have some, and I'm doing it with somebody too, like is holy shit. So much work. But I have this image, of like playing outside, walking with my dog and my boyfriend, maybe on the seawall or something, and she's wearing a bandana like that image alone. I know I can get there, but I have to be really fucking patient right now. And in the first two weeks of having her, I didn't see how that was possible at all. Now it's been. 7 6, 7 weeks and there have been improvements. And I can, that picture is getting clearer, but I honestly, like I had a breakdown. I think I told you I had a breakdown and then just last week my boyfriend had a breakdown, but once the breakdown is over, we're like, Hey, we feel better. It's okay to feel anxious. It's okay to feel like sometimes we made a mistake getting her or feel like failing. Because Yolo that's life just got to keep going and eventually you'll get to that picture and not because that's what it's meant to happen, but because, you know, that's what you're working towards. Just like how there are bad, full self fulfilling prophecies. Like if you keep thinking about breaking down, having an anxiety attack, that's going to happen. Self-fulfilling prophecies, doesn't only apply to bad.

Kristy Yee: 32:27

Which is why people have vision boards.

Angie Yu: 32:29

Yeah, that's right. I don't have one, but,

Kristy Yee: 32:35

Nor do I, but it's, you know, and visualization

Angie Yu: 32:39

Yeah. Visualization. It's just like,

Kristy Yee: 32:42

law of attraction

Angie Yu: 32:43

of it.

Kristy Yee: 32:45

keep going on this shit.

Angie Yu: 32:47

Yeah, you can, you can sound all hippy, like and say, Hey, I'm putting it out there in the universe, but really you're putting it into your own head. It's like self inception.

Kristy Yee: 32:56

I honestly, like Okay. Now it gets all like, we wish it. I do think that there is some validity in having those positive vibes, those thoughts, you know, because it's helpful. think there is validity in imagining and picturing like things that will give you joy and you know, those positive thoughts. We can't be ignoring all of the other feelings and all of the other thoughts while for someone who does a lot of reading, I am not dressed. I, what am I trying to say? Yeah. All that hippie dippy shit. I think there's some validity to it

Angie Yu: 33:37

Oh, I absolutely agree. I agree as well, even, even if it's not the full truth, but then again, that don't get me started on the truth, because the only truth is that there is no real truth. So anyway, Even though the hippy dippy shit might not make sense scientifically or whatever, but it's a great way to wrap our minds around certain concepts. And that's why I like that stuff.

Kristy Yee: 34:01

And I think it just helps with like coping.

Angie Yu: 34:05

Yeah. Spirituality

Kristy Yee: 34:07

Yeah, exactly.

Angie Yu: 34:08

that shit. Like, you know, a avatar, the last Airbender and stuff like that.

Kristy Yee: 34:13

This episode is going like, on a totally different direction, which is a good side to end the episode. So thank you so much, everyone for joining us all the way to the end and listening to basically my journey of coming in at the beginning of this episode, feeling super anxious and. Now I am

Angie Yu: 34:37

Still anxious.

Kristy Yee: 34:38

I mean, still anxious, but now there's, it feels better just to talk about it and have some plan, even though I'm not going to take action on it right away. It's, it's helpful to know that there is some recommendations that I can take away from this. So hopefully this was helpful for everyone who has been listening to us. Next episode, we're going to be joined by a guest. So look forward to that.

Angie Yu: 35:25

Okay, thanks. I don't know why I said that. I'm such a high pitch. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next, next week. Next next week.

Kristy Yee: 35:35

next episode?

Angie Yu: 35:37

Well, yeah, in two weeks. Okay, bye. Okay. Yes. Nice. I just burped too, but I

Kristy Yee: 36:13

Oh, wow. Oh, my freaking Dickies.