33. Forgiveness and Gratitude From a Queer Chinese Daughter ft. Xixi Wang

Xixi Wang, founder of Asians for Sex Positivity, discusses what sex positivity means for Xixi and her relationship with her immigrant parents as a queer Asian. We discuss mental health stigma and finding gratitude for our parents as we get older.

**CONTENT WARNING: Suicidal thoughts**   

Takeaway:

• Sex positivity is not about whether sex is good nor bad, it is about owning your body and your choices
• We need to unlearn suppressing our emotional and mental health struggles just to avoid disappointing our parents
• Relationships with parents are complicated because they are a source of trauma but they can also lead to recovery
• Forgiving our parents for unintentional trauma can come in baby steps

Mentions & Resources:

• Asians for Sex Positivity (Instagram)
• Xixi Wang Artist (Instagram)
• 8 Tips for Talking About Mental Health With Your Asian Family

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Transcript

Kristy Yee: 0:00

I love the lights. Yeah. Welcome back to another episode of shit. We don't tell mom where we talk about uncomfortable things. Today. We have a special guest. Her name is Sisi Wang. CC was raised in Vancouver, Canada, but now they are living in New York for the last eight years they're super into painting and dancing, and they want to learn how to tattoo and have an art gallery one day and thinking about becoming a sexologist, they are also the founder of Asians for sex positivity. It's an Instagram page created to deconstruct fetish, ization, dismantling sexual shame, and welcoming all sexualities and gender identity. So welcome CC to the show.

Xixi Wang: 1:09

Hi. thank you so much for having me so honored to be here. I've been listening to y'all's podcast for a little bit now, so I'm really excited.

Kristy Yee: 1:18

Nice cC, you're all about like promoting sex positive. That's like your thing, right? What is, what does that mean to you?

Xixi Wang: 1:28

Oh, what a big question. I mean, a lot of different things. I think sex positivity means so many different things to different people, but to me personally, it means am basically owning body autonomy and deciding what works best for you. the biggest misconceptions about sex positivity is that sex is good, which is not the case. Because when you say sex is good, that assumes that not having sex as bad. but you can. Choose to wait until marriage. You can be asexual. You can choose to not simply to not have sex and you can still be sex positive. It's just all about owning your choices and owning what you do with your body. Because at the end of the day, it's your body and your choice. And no one should be able to tell you what to do with it. So I think that's, for me, that's mainly what sex positivity is about, and then under all of it, it's like, you can talk about sex education. You can talk about, queer sex and like there's so many different things under that big umbrella, but the main goal for me is just like owning who you are and, being inclusive and not judging anyone else's decision.

Angie Yu: 2:42

I love that message.

Kristy Yee: 2:44

that's so great because I do find that a lot of times we associate sexuality with sex. Like the act of having sex, but that's not always the case. Right. And for, for me, I'm in a relationship I'm in a long-term relationship, but we're not sexually active. And sometimes I feel like, I feel like there's something wrong with us or there's something wrong with me, you know? And the message that I get from society from media it's, if you're in love and you're in a relationship, like you're going to have sex, that's just part of the package. But we have all of that other stuff in a relationship, just no sex right now. Right. And, and I find it difficult to be okay with that sometimes, you know?

Xixi Wang: 3:39

I understand that that's so hard. And I think even when I was in a relationship, like it was so common to us. Like, oh, how many times are we supposed to be having sex? Like how many times our average Americans having sex and like comparing how high my sex drive was to like everyone else in the world where like, it doesn't really matter if you're having all the sex in the world, like doing a twice a day or like not doing it like ever at the end of the day. It just it's about communicating with your partner and whatever works best for the two of you. That's all it is. That's all that matters at the end of the day. And society puts a lot of pressure. As you said on, especially like heteronormal normative, couples, heterosexual couples, sorry. in monogamous relationships that they put a lot of pressure on them. Just like sex life in general. but also your point about sexuality and how that doesn't really correlate to sex. And I've been learning a lot recently about like sensuality as well and how that differentiates from sexuality. I'm not, I'm not a pro at it whatsoever. but I think that differentiation is also interesting and like being very connected to your senses and your body and how that's different from having sex as well.

Kristy Yee: 5:00

How is it different? Like based off of what, you know,

Xixi Wang: 5:03

it can be a lot about just like taking in your surroundings and being very connected to like your breath. your sense of smell, like touch, all of that. And it really relates to self love and, like self appreciation and really like being aware of your surroundings and how your body relates to like things around you.

Kristy Yee: 5:25

Cool. This is like very like a mindfulness concept around it. Right. Being in touch with your senses and like being present in that moment and

Xixi Wang: 5:33

yeah,

Kristy Yee: 5:34

being, you know, so you're Asian I'm we all know that in a lot of Asian households. Chinese household. I'm just gonna say Chinese. Cause like we're Chinese in this room right now. we don't talk about sex, whether it's with our family. Definitely not with our parents, but we don't even talk about sex with like our cool aunties. You know what I mean? Like that even that's rare

Angie Yu: 5:59

Even with friends, like when I was in high school, I was pretty sure, like I was having sex with my boyfriend. and, and I was like, I think he mentioned like, yeah, like, I'm sure your friends are having sex with their boyfriends. And I was like, no, no, like you can't be like, no, like we we've known each other since we were like 13. No, but like, I don't know why that was such a big deal. And for me, I was so uncomfortable talking about sex with my friends until I was like, Like in my mid twenties, I was finally starting to actually talk about sex itself with my friends. And before that it was just be like a silent acknowledgement, you know, like, and I don't know what that

Kristy Yee: 6:40

an acknowledgement.

Xixi Wang: 6:41

I think I have a pretty unique experience as an Asian kid growing up in Vancouver. Obviously, my parents never talked about sex, but I was very aware of like porn from a very young age and my friends would talk about porn just like casually. And so that kind of rubbed off on me and I was kind of curious and started, you know, look looking on, on the internet for stuff. And so I think that's honestly what led to me being so sex positive right now when I'm, when I just turned 21, I'm still trying to figure out like how I became so sex positive when there was so much shame around. Sexuality and sex. And it was, you know, shoved under the rug. When I was a kid with my family yet I've always been very comfortable with my sexuality. like especially coming into like my queerness. I never really had a coming out phase. Never really struggled with my queerness. And right now, as I'm growing older, I'm trying to like, I guess like figure out psychologically, like why that was, I visited my parents recently a couple months ago during the pandemic in Vancouver. And, you know, they learned that I was. And my first long-term relationship and decided to kind of breach the topic of safe sex and wanting to make sure that I was being safe and not like, you know, contracting STI. so that's the first time that my mom like acknowledged like verbally acknowledged why she never talked about sex with me when I was at a young, at a young age. mainly because she didn't want it to be like a distraction. And I think with in Chinese families, it's very much like focused on your studies, like in high school and in college and then worry about everything else later on. but yeah, that was an interesting conversation. And that's honestly what led me to be inspired to create Asians for sex positivity.

Kristy Yee: 8:56

What was that conversation like, like walk, walk us through

Xixi Wang: 8:59

Oh God.

Kristy Yee: 9:00

you can just, I can feel the cranes already.

Xixi Wang: 9:04

This is some shit that I did tell my mom. So I'm trying to remember the exact specifics, but basically, obviously it was very much like circling around the topic. Like, and obviously it was re spoken Mandarin because my parents don't really speak English. So I don't really know the correct language, but, basically I went back to Vancouver mainly because I was going through a rough time, like my. Girlfriend at the time. And I broke up and didn't want to stay in New York and just needed to be around family. She'd had no clue. I wasn't a relationship. And when I was home, that's when I told her because it was like, no damage can be done. I don't want to get into too many details, but, my mom just like sat me down and wanted to talk about the relationship in general and dating in general, because we also never talked about dating. And started talking about like who I should, like, what characteristics, you know, I should look for in a partner, and, compatibility, all of that kind of stuff. and then just kind of dive right in and was like, are you being safe or like, how do you know you're having safe sex? stuff like being tested and, yeah, which I also, that's the thing I've never been to gyno, which I will admit on this podcast. mainly because, it just was never talked about like, not really even talked about in sex ed at school and didn't know going to the gyno was a thing until I got a lot older, especially since. Do not plan to have sex with heterosexual men. Like I'm not on birth control. so I guess this looks like a complicated issue. At least, at least my mom didn't have to worry about me being pregnant,

Angie Yu: 10:56

Yeah.

Xixi Wang: 10:57

but yeah. we haven't really talked about it since, she knows I, as you can see here for anyone listening, I paint, sex toys where I used to paint sex toys. that was like a whole series that I did. And. I remember my mom, like I was scared what she was going to think about them. So like kind of kept them hidden. And then they were just in my room and she saw them once and she just like stood in front of them and stare at them and then like walked away. And then one day,

Kristy Yee: 11:27

were

Xixi Wang: 11:28

yeah, apparently

Kristy Yee: 11:31

moms know a lot more than we think. Okay.

Xixi Wang: 11:33

right. My dad is clueless. My mom parently again, decided to sit me down and was like, I know what these are. Like, don't think I'm stupid. And surprisingly, she was actually very chill about it. I thought she was going to like, have this whole like, oh my God, why are you doing this kind of conversation? But she was actually very chill about it. She was only concerned about the kids. following me who are not. to our minors. Cause I had a whole like art phase of like growing up on Instagram and like sharing my art, on Instagram publicly. So, in the past, a lot of my audience were like teenagers, but I think that was her main concern. She was like, why are you putting it out in public? That was for a thing. Like, you can pay whatever you want. But like, I don't really like that it's on the internet,

Angie Yu: 12:28

I'm so impressed by your relationship with your mom, even though I know there are certain things you keep from her, I'm still pretty like, maybe it's because Christie and I are from an older generation. but all of the Chinese friends I have who had come out to their parents were, had not yet come out to their parents had always struggled with it a little bit. And from what you've said, it seems like you have always really embraced your queerness. was that the case with your parents as well? Like for them it was just like, oh, okay, cool.

Xixi Wang: 12:58

Fuck. No,

Angie Yu: 12:58

Oh, okay.

Xixi Wang: 13:00

that's definitely something I still continue to struggle with. I didn't officially tell my mom that I was queer until I think maybe I think it was two years ago. I've honestly lost track of time because of COVID. But, at first her reaction was basically like, no, I don't believe you. because I went to an all women's high school and I go to an all women's college and her main argument is I don't have enough male friends to like, know what it feels like to have feelings for a guy. and so even though like, even in that talk, when I was back in Vancouver about, you know, finding a partner, like she assumed. That I'll be with a guy or always uses like him. whenever talking about being with a partner, even though she knows that my first relationship was with a woman, so, and my dad is also kind of on the same train. Like he will just support my mom but yeah, they're kind of like, you should, at least, you know, you should try having a relationship with a guy, but also you're not also be missing out, but then I'm like, that's kind of hypocritical because you wouldn't say that if I was straight,

Angie Yu: 14:24

Yeah. Sorry. You had to and are still going through that. That is really hard. Do you find it easier having that? Boundary with her because you're, you're on the other side of the continent. So it's like, you don't have to have this pressure of always keeping her up to date with your life.

Xixi Wang: 14:43

no, for sure. I think when I was back in Vancouver, obviously we had a lot of tough conversations with sort of, which was great, but we were also living in a very small apartment together, which brought up a lot of like emotions from the past. And I was in high school. I think I've had a very tough relationship with my parents ever since I was a kid. Just like with academics and just like high expectations and a lot of pressure that I felt from them. and then college for me was very freeing in that. Like, I felt like I could make my own decisions and didn't always have to like go to them if I wanted to go out, et cetera, et cetera. but when I was back in Vancouver, I was kind of feeling those things again and feeling like a high schooler kind of stuck, especially during a pandemic in Vancouver. it was December. So like things were still, you know, not great with COVID. So kind of being home every day and being stuck with them and not really doing much just, we kind of get gotten back into the rhythm of like having arguments and like not really getting along, But whenever I'm in New York and there, you know, in Canada or if they're in China, like we usually do a lot better and we catch up once every week just to we chat. and I don't really, I don't, I obviously don't tell them everything that's going on in my life and I like having that distance. but I think we're also at a point where we're acknowledging that we have very different, like cultural values and there's a cultural difference between us. And there's also kind of a language barrier. because my Mandarin, even though it's kind of good, like it's not the best. so. Definitely my relationship with my parents is definitely a lot better than what it used to be, but we're still trying to have more tough conversations with one another and kind of see each other's perspectives because at the end of the day, I know that they just want the best for me, but sometimes it's kind of hard to, you know, be on the same page.

Kristy Yee: 16:46

Totally. I totally, I completely relate to the language barrier thing because I'm the same with my mom. My Cantonese is definitely not as good as it used to be because TVB sucks now. So I cannot brush up on my Canto drama. So it's all gone down the drain and, and it's, it's hard because when you're in close proximity with them, they see a lot more. And so there's more for them to judge and nitpick. And then that gets on your nerves because you're like lay off. I'm a, I'm a full grown adult man, you

Xixi Wang: 17:26

Yeah, right? Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 17:29

So I totally relate you mentioned like you had a tough relationship with them during high school and a big part of it is just like the environment, your physical living environment with them. and now you've moved out, but we're still working on having these tough conversations because they're necessary, you know, it helps. Build better connections with our parents. What kind of like, if at all, any advice on how to even start a tough conversation with your parents? Like, do you just like sit them down and be like, Hey mom and dad, I got some shit to tell you. Like what, what, what happens? What, what do you do?

Xixi Wang: 18:06

I'm honestly lucky in the sense that my, especially my mom, she wants to have those tough conversations. Sometimes she's like, We're going to sit down, and, you know, I'm going to call you at this time or we're going to talk about something that's going on in the world, and I want to hear your thoughts, like, oh, okay. That's a lot.

Kristy Yee: 18:28

Nice.

Xixi Wang: 18:28

but yeah, like she wants, my mom is very like extroverted, loves talking, loves, like hanging out with friends. and she loves just like talking with me about literally whatever is going on. so I've personally, I've struggled with being like, oh, I want to talk to you about this because I'm still trying to, you know, see that having that discussion is very helpful and useful and we'll get, we'll eventually get to a point where we have a better relationship. But I think for a long time, like we got into a pattern where those conversations always led to. Like an argument of some sort or like screaming or whatever. but I, I'm also, I thought I'm currently part of the conversationalist. that's what I, I'm a graphic designer for them. And they've their whole goal is about breaking open echo chambers and seeing other people's point of views, and learning to respect those opinions and not necessarily changing what you think, but just realizing that there are people out there who think very differently and are on the opposite side of the spectrum. But in order to unify the world, like we have to be able to see those views and accept those views as well. So. Being a part of that team has really opened my mind to listening to others, like having an open mind and really being empathetic to people wherever they're coming from. We all have very different experiences. And I think I'm starting more when I'm talking with my mom to really try and like remind myself that she is a lot older and she's from a different generation, but there are obviously pros and cons to that. Like she might not necessarily understand, you know, the lingo that I use or like some of, you know, the trends of this generation or like, the political ideologies of my generation. But at the end of the day, like she is trying her best. And I do see that and I do really appreciate that. And again, like I said before, like she just wants the best for me and is trying to see my point of view as well. So as long as. As we're just trying to be there for one another and help each other grow. Like that sounds so cheesy, but yeah. I just try to remind myself of that.

Kristy Yee: 21:00

What would you say it would be like one of the toughest conversations you've had to had with your mom or.

Xixi Wang: 21:12

Wow. I have to think. I mean, I think probably mental health. again, had this conversation. Well, I was in Canada a few months ago. We really impact a lot of shit.

Kristy Yee: 21:27

It's a different topic. Let's talk about sex. And then tomorrow we're going to talk about mental health. And then the next day we're going to talk about political ideology.

Xixi Wang: 21:35

Oh

Kristy Yee: 21:36

That's some heavy shit, man. That's not a vacation.

Xixi Wang: 21:39

yeah, I was going through a lot mentally and I had never told, as I said before, like I struggled a lot while I was in high school with the relationship with my parents and was also going through a lot mentally. And I thought it was normal as, you know, a daughter of, in an Asian family and a teenager. I thought it was totally normal, I think it's like very normalized in Asian households to not talk about mental health, to think that it's something that, you know, we can overcome and it's not important. And, you know, as long as you work hard and you put an effort, like you should be fine. so I was always very scared to talk about what I was going through mentally. And when I was in Canada, it started to feel like those struggles that I had earlier were resurfacing, or at least something had triggered them again. So it was kind of just out of nowhere that I just admitted to my parents, that when I was younger, I had, you know, suicidal thoughts and I was very, I felt. Unsafe is not the right word, just like very alone when I was around them. And didn't feel like they understood me. And that's why when I was a kid, like I, I loved school so much school was like my safe place. I love being with my friends, my teachers, but didn't really like coming home. it just, yeah, I just kind of, it was in the middle of an argument. I kind of just blew up and I, and it was just like, you know, this was a thing and it was just a very, very hard conversation for, especially me and my mom, because we were both emotional. she was struggling with, you know, me seeming ungrateful and me, you know, always kind of being passive aggressive at her and like not opening up a lot of the times. meanwhile, I was in this horrible place of like, Just after a breakup and then having these triggering thoughts and like not being emotionally or mentally stable. but yeah, that happened. And honestly, after that, it hasn't really been addressed, which is a little bit sad. because I, I still think they don't really know how to talk about mental health. and you know, what resources are out there. And I guess that's just like a little bit unfortunate, but yeah, that was, that was a lot.

Angie Yu: 24:14

Well, thank you for, thank you for sharing that with us, because, and for reliving that, cause I'm sure it was just as intense as when you had to tell your parents that like I have gone through something similar and telling my parents that I had a suicidal incident when I was younger. And, I think the first thing I feel as the person communicating that to your own parents, especially immigrant parents, it's like, oh, you did all this stuff to try to make my life better. I don't even want it. You know what I mean? So aside like big thing of disappointment and just not wanting to disappoint our parents, I think is like a huge thing. And like, talking about mental health among our immigrant parents, like they have so much trauma themselves that they bottle up inside. Y, I remember reading about this when I was in like maybe in university, something where maybe even high school, about how, immigrant parents, like, especially men here in Vancouver had the highest rate of suicide. And I was like, wait, what? That's like, my parents that's like my dad, like, why doesn't anybody talk about it? And even, I only just remember this now, because after I read that, I was just like, oh, that sucks. And I never talked about it again. Did I ask my parents about it? I've never heard it talked about ever again. And it's like, okay, clearly there's like something going on. And there's clearly a need for that generation to go through, to, to get some mental health support. But again, because of our culture is just so like, Hey, let's slow. Is that a rug? Let's sweep under it?

Xixi Wang: 25:54

There was definitely a better way to go about it. And fully like the day after by we it's just like silent treatment between me and my mom

Angie Yu: 26:03

oh,

Xixi Wang: 26:04

just, weren't talking to one another. Um, Don was like, maybe you should say something or like do something or like take her out shopping. And so it was like an awkward period, but

Angie Yu: 26:15

Oh, my God, my dad did that too. Like when my mom and I weren't talking, he like messaged me and said some very wise words. And I was like, who are you? Like, is

Xixi Wang: 26:25

no, that's what my dad did.

Angie Yu: 26:27

Like my dad, my dad's the same as your dad. Like, he just does whatever my mom tells him to do. And like, yeah, he has like, he does it. So when my mom and I weren't talking, yeah. He just like sent me a couple messages and I'm like, who the fuck are you? Like, where has this been? My whole life, Oh, my God. That's like a whole other issue of emotionally unavailable Chinese fathers. He said, just like you, your mom is quite spoiled. And I was like, okay, is this supposed to make me? He's like, you know, she's the youngest. And she was pretty spoiled too. So she always got her way. And you and your mom are both very headstrong and you're very similar. you, you both have, have a difficulty seeing another person's perspective. And it was

Kristy Yee: 27:16

He's just burning you

Angie Yu: 27:18

it was like so direct, can't remember exactly the rest of what he said, but of course the words that he used, you know, like I can tell like, oh, oh, he's an educated man. And then after that it actually did, soften me up a bit. And and I apologize to my mom and then she apologized too,

Xixi Wang: 27:35

Yeah. That's literally what happened with me and my mom. That's so funny.

Kristy Yee: 27:41

China dad's school that they're both like trained in because they're reacting the same.

Angie Yu: 27:47

That's so good. But the thing is like they care and you know what, it was actually from my dad's messaged that I'm like, oh, damn, he actually cares a lot about me and my mom, which softened me up a bit. Cause it always, for me always felt like it was like a struggle, like a tug of war between me and my mom. And then when my dad intercepted, I was like, oh, there's this other person in our family.

Xixi Wang: 28:07

I so relate to that.

Angie Yu: 28:09

My psychiatrist, the one who diagnosed me with bipolar. She was like a white lady. And, she was like, oh, like, tell me more about your childhood. What's your relationship with your parents? Like, and then I told her about my dad, like, yeah, like he's a great person, very educated, but he never really like, cared that much about money. So he just does his own thing. Like, you know, never really been around that much, like emotionally. And I'm like, yeah, just, you know, typical Chinese dad. And I just talked about as if it was like so normal and she's like, oh, that must have been really hard. And I was like, no, that's fine. That's just what every Chinese dad is like, but then like the sympathy in her, in her voice made me go, is it fine? Like, is it fine? Yeah. That's still something I haven't quite gotten to the bottom of yet. I do think that a lot of. relationships with dads, not just Chinese community, but in general, it's very complicated because of, you know, patriarchy, et cetera, et cetera. But I digress.

Kristy Yee: 29:11

relationships, relationships with parents themselves are really complicated, right? Because like, There are a source of a lot of trauma, but then they also do it unknowingly because they didn't know any better themselves. And now we're at a place where collectively the newer generation is more educated. We're like so much more woke. And, and now it's almost like our turn to educate and then forgive. And then also understand that layer of trauma that has been induced on us. And how can we recover from that without putting blame on our parents? Like there's a lot of work around that.

Angie Yu: 29:53

Really well said. I think the forgiveness part is huge. I think forgiving our parents is one of the biggest hurdles of like, for me going through therapy, one of the biggest thing was forgiving my parents. And now I have this like new found thankfulness and gratefulness for my parents. Like, I always knew that, like I had to be grateful because, you know, they left another country and they left all their family and friends to move here for a better future, especially for me. So I'm like, why have to be grateful? Like I have to be thankful, but of course there were all these like underlying resentments, like, Hey, I developed all these like issues and anxiety and social anxiety because of the way I had adapted to being like, like being at home all the time when we first moved here alone and not being able to go out because it's technically illegal to be at home by myself kind of thing. Like all that stuff was unprocessed. So I was, I had moved on from those. Small resentful moments. And, but the, but the whole idea of like, Hey, you have to be grateful for your immigrant parents just overpowered the, the rationale to be like, oh, I need to work through this resentment. So I think forgiveness is like a huge, huge step in re like reconciling with our parents. Yeah. Cause like Christie, like you said, they don't do it on purpose and CC, like you said, they just want the best for us. And when your mom, when you say your mom's biggest concern was like, oh, but then you're showing these to like teenagers. Cause like she just doesn't want to get you in trouble. She just doesn't want you to be in trouble. Like that's so sweet. She wasn't like, Hey, no, don't draw these, but pleasure toys. just, you know, make sure the teenagers don't, you know, get you in trouble or whatever. Yeah.

Xixi Wang: 31:50

Forgiveness is definitely very important. And then it also can come and like baby steps. I think I'm definitely still on that road of like gaining maturity and gaining forgiveness for my parents. But one thing that my mom keeps bringing up is my relationship with piano and with music. it's very common for, you know, Asian kids to pick up an instrument or like be forced to play an instrument by their parents. and I was put in piano classes from a very young age, but like very seriously. I was a competitive pianist for most of my life. did like competitions toured around the world was in a F like company did festivals and all of them played with orchestras. But it was never something that I signed up. I it's like the trauma that's in my head is that like, I play very, like clearly remember me as a kid, practicing piano, like being kind of my mom telling me that I have to practice one to two hours every day. And me just like sitting at the piano, playing my scales and arpeggios and whatever the fuck. And like literally literally crying while I practice the piano because I had no other option and telling my mom, like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like I want to quit. And like, I, it's not, you know, I don't want to do this. And she was like, when you're older, you'll be thankful. You'll be grateful that we put you in piano classes. and now I'm 21. I am grateful. moral of the story, because I mean, this is my piano right here. it's something that I genuinely, like, I don't really play it anymore, but I play it for enjoyment and personal, just like happiness, but I would say like my piano skills are pretty good and that's something people are always very impressed by. and it does make me like, kind of like an ego boost, but it's something that,

Angie Yu: 33:58

You worked hard for it. You cried as a toddler because of it.

Kristy Yee: 34:01

Yeah, it's a skill that you had built through lots of little tears.

Xixi Wang: 34:05

Yeah. After all of those hours of practicing, like I know I'll probably always be able to pick up sheet music and be able to play the piano. So.

Angie Yu: 34:13

Yeah,

Xixi Wang: 34:14

Even though I'm not going to become a professional pianist or anything. It's definitely something that has brought me a lot of joy and comfort. And, you know, I've met a lot of friends through, you know, doing music at college or whatever. Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 34:28

I think this is a really good example of how sometimes things aren't always black and white, like what our parents do to us. Aren't always positive or negative, you know, it's not one or the other in this situation. What I'm hearing is like, there was a lot of good things that came out of the struggle, right? Like you, you have this, you have piano in your life. You have the skill for every. And, you know, you're able to find joy from music, wherever you go, anywhere in the world that you go, and there's a piano there. You're able to bring joy to yourself and others. And that is a huge gift. And that's something that you might not have realized when you're a kid, because your parents force you to do the thing and you didn't see the value in it. But then on the other side of the story, it was, it's also like my parents forced me to do this thing without my consent at all, without considering what I actually wanted to do it, there's a level of, I don't want to say like restriction, like you're, you're caged in, you know, like there is no freedom. There is no, there's no choice and that can be very suffocating.

Xixi Wang: 35:39

for sure.

Kristy Yee: 35:41

and so that in itself is also trauma, you know? So in this one incident incident, this case, this story. I think both trauma is being represented, but also gratitude is being represented from the same story. And that can happen. You know, I think sometimes we hear stories. It's either like the super tragic, sad thing. And then we like demonize someone for it, or it's like, oh, this, this like amazing journey that this person went on. And now I'm so grateful, you know, it's, it's, there's so much polarization sometimes when we think of stories, but there can be both.

Xixi Wang: 36:19

Yeah, I definitely, for a lot, most of my life, as you can imagine, thought of it as a mainly negative thing. And, you know, I started talking to a lot of like, especially my white friends who about like life trauma, like parent trauma, like childhood trauma, whatever, and like telling them how I was involved in basically every extracurricular imaginable, and was taught at a very young age to like work my ass off and to not really like go out and play with friends, but like I should be working hard. and you know, I did ballet did sports. I did piano. I did flute and. So my F I have a lot of friends who envy me and who, you know, weren't in those music classes and doesn't know how to play an instrument and say to me like, oh, I wish I knew how to play an instrument. Like, I wish I parents put me in ballet classes or, you know, you know, put me in piano classes. Like, that's not really something you can pick up when you're, you know, in the middle of high school. So that I think talking to others about that has also opened my mind to the positive aspect of it.

Kristy Yee: 37:22

and I, and, and I think this is also an example of how everybody's, um, I don't want to say resiliency, but like everybody's way of God. What am I trying to say? People will have different outcomes, even if someone applied the same formula. So if a parent apply the same formula to raising this kid, right, they could come out like totally different from another kid, even though both parents applied the same structure or the same teaching methods. And it just goes to show like how different we are just as human beings, you know? Yeah. Okay. To wrap up today's conversation, I think, oh my goodness. We talked about so many things. We talked about, like sex positivity. We touched on a little bit about your, your queerness and how you had discussions with your parents, and then just even like the struggles with having a good relationship and building a good relationship with your parents all the way from high school to where you are now. Right. with, you know, mental health is something that we just don't talk about, I'm curious to know, and something to leave for our poop troops for this episode is what is something that you are doing right now to try to improve your own mental health?

Xixi Wang: 38:46

Hmm, good question. I think especially the summer, as things have kind of gotten a little bit more normal, I guess, like they're not really normal, but more normal than they were months ago. as, and as I'm entering my senior year of college, I've been very wary of self care and especially my mental health, because my mental health has been just like down the drain since COVID. so I started kind of implementing for myself a morning routine. I think it's all just about like small things that you do morning routine, like working out, I've also had a tough relationship with like my body appearance. So I'm working out and like strength training. I'm like doing strength training with one of my friends. And that has been really fun, just like, and also spending more time with my friends and people who I've had been seen in a really long time and just like carving that time out for myself and to spend that time with people who I love and who care about me. and really just like putting myself first. I think that's something that I'm trying to actively do every day and also doing things that it will bring you joy and happiness. I think it's, it's really hard to, especially now I think a lot of people in my generation are pretty much like workaholics and you know, are doing a million things at once, even though.

Angie Yu: 40:12

has a side hustle in your generation.

Xixi Wang: 40:15

Yeah. but it's important to kind of let yourself breathe and like keep yourself in check. And I think personally, I always notice if I work too hard, like there's going to be a point where I just kind of break down. so knowing how, how much is too much, and then always making sure that I'm doing at least one thing a day, that brings me a little bit of happiness. That's not work-related. So whether that's like, like getting seamless order to my apartment or seeing a friend who I haven't seen in a while, or watching binge watching a Netflix show, small things like that, they'll just make you more calm and like, feel more in tuned with yourself. Always help.

Kristy Yee: 41:01

It was great to have you on the show CC,

Xixi Wang: 41:04

Thank you so much. I love this conversation so much and it was an honor.

Kristy Yee: 41:08

going to link everything that you had mentioned in the show notes, including your Instagram page, Asian for sex positivity. And I just lost it.

Angie Yu: 41:17

Yeah, well, there you have a kid. No, I'm just kidding. well, for those who have stayed with us until this point in the episode, hope you had a great time listening to this. we were joined by CC Wong, she's this super impressive girl from, I guess you're from New York. Yeah. New York was some roots in Vancouver. Yeah. So check her out on Asian for sex positivity. Do you have any personal blogs or websites or Instagram you want to share?

Xixi Wang: 41:45

I have an art account. That's a CC Wang artists where you can find a lot of my paintings and drawings and what not.

Kristy Yee: 41:52

Or the, or the sex toy paintings still on the idea account.

Xixi Wang: 41:58

Yes, they are.

Kristy Yee: 41:58

Okay. So definitely link that in the show notes. I want to check some of that shit

Angie Yu: 42:02

Yeah. We can see some of it behind CC right now and they look incredible. Like I am so impressed by you. Like 21. You can play the piano really well. You can paint. Awesome. Just so great to

Xixi Wang: 42:13

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I love, I love this. Just like us talking about important things and like stuff that shit we don't tell her mom for stuff that we have told her mom.

Angie Yu: 42:23

Yeah.

Kristy Yee: 42:25

And that's important too, because now it's like, another person might be like, oh, I, I haven't come up with, come out to my mom yet. Right. Or like, I haven't told them that I had suicidal ideations before and hearing that, oh, somebody has done this and talk to their very Chinese parents about it. You know, like maybe it's okay. Maybe my parents might react in a different way than what I had expected kind of a thing. And so that's why it's so important to have these conversations and put the shit on the internet so that others can feel more, more inspired and more empowered to do the same as well.

Xixi Wang: 43:02

Exactly.