Breastfeeding Problem Or Developmental Milestone?

Have you ever worried about why your baby is behaving a certain way?

Were you concerned it was a feeding issue?  Maybe not enough milk?

What if it’s just a developmental milestone.  But how do you know?

Tune in this week as we talk about breastfeeding problems vs. developmental milestones.

If you are a new listener, we would love to hear from you.  Please consider leaving us a review on itunes or sending us an email with your suggestions and comments to badassbreastfeedingpodcast@gmail.com

WE HAVE TRANSCRIPTS!!  You can also add your email to our list and have episodes sent right to your inbox!

 Things we talked about:

We want solutions for what’s happening [6:03]

Newborns [8:21]

Everything becomes a feeding problem [11:16]

Cluster feeds [13:33]

Babies are needy, but not like your high school boyfriend [15:19]

Growth [21:33]

Big milestones [25:05]

Efficient babies [27:24]

Breastfeeding evolves with your baby [28:28]

Highly sensitive babies [34:09]

*This Episode is sponsored by Ceres Chill and Just N Case

Links to information we discussed or episodes you should check out!

https://badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com/episode/4-month-sleep-regression/

 https://badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com/episode/signs-breastfeeding-is-going-well/

 https://evolutionaryparenting.com/understanding-the-orchid-child/

Set up your consultation with Dianne

https://badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com/consultations/     

Check out Dianne’s blog here~

https://diannecassidyconsulting.com/milklytheblog/

Don’t Forget!!  Dianne and Abby have started the new parenting podcast!  Check out Revolution Parenting!  

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1755123/8400508

Follow our Podcast~

• https://badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com

Here is how you can connect with Dianne and Abby~

• Abby Theuring  https://www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com
• Dianne Cassidy http://www.diannecassidyconsulting.com

 Music we use~

Music: "Levels of Greatness" from "We Used to Paint Stars in the Sky (2012)" courtesy of Scott Holmes at freemusicarchive.org/music/Scott Holmes

Transcript

dianne (00:00):

Welcome to the badass breastfeeding podcast. This is Dianne, your lactation consultant,

abby (00:25):

and I'm Abby, the badass breastfeeder. And this episode is brought to you by just-n-case nursing pads, just n case is committed to making breastfeeding more comfortable, less stressful, and more sustainable with their reusable nursing pads. And today's episode is also brought to you by Ceres chill. Never worry about safely storing your breast milk or formula again. Ceres chill was invented by a mom for moms and offers guaranteed convenience with their double walled stainless steel container. But, uh, we'll hear more from our sponsors in a little while. Um, but please head to badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com where you'll find a sponsor page of all of our sponsors and they make this podcast possible. So if you can give them any of your business, that would be great. And while you're there, you can scroll down and enter your email address and we'll send episodes straight to your inbox every Monday. And now Dianne has our review of the week.

dianne (01:18):

and it comes from Gmail and it was our email address. Badassbreastfeedingpodcast@gmail.com. Sorry, my alarm was just going off. I don't know if you heard that or not, but.

abby (01:29):

I thought it was mine.

dianne (01:30):

Oh, it was mine.

abby (01:31):

I was like, wait, wait, where is it?

dianne (01:34):

Nope, it was mine. So this is from Hannah. She had nothing to do with my alarm, but she says, your podcast is the best one out there. I'm a first-time mom. And I've been listening to this podcast for a few weeks and it's a weekly thing now. It helps me with breastfeeding and information I didn't know, as a mom. Someone the other day told me why don't you just use formula? And I said, no. And the person kept saying why, why? And I said, because I won't, I had to stick up for myself and for my baby, it all started because I said she was gassy and fussy the other night, like, sorry, I won't use formula unless I really need to. And I love this podcast. My name is Hannah. I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Thank you so much, Hannah.

abby (02:12):

Hi Hannah from Pittsburgh!

dianne (02:13):

Hi Hannah! I went through Pittsburgh couple weeks ago and I took my son to West Virginia.

abby (02:18):

Pittsburgh is cool.

dianne (02:19):

Yeah, it was kind of cool.

abby (02:21):

I've been there.

dianne (02:22):

It rained, but it was raining. I hate driving in the rain, but that's a whole different story. Uh, so this, I really liked this because I don't want people to think that like, oh no, you're never supposed to use formula because like we always say like, it's your choice. You have your options. But it sounded like she was just kind of like, Ugh, my baby's gassy. And someone was like, oh, well just use formula. And that's not like, that's not the answer.

abby (02:46):

That's not an answer.

dianne (02:47):

right. That's not the answer. And she was like, no, that's not what I want to do. Leave me alone. I'm that's not the choice I'm making so good for you for standing up for yourself. Because I think people are just like, just use formula when that's not what you want to hear.

abby (03:01):

Right? I mean, you need to you know, the basis of social work is meeting people where they're at. You don't go in and tell people, well, you really should be doing it this way. You really should be doing it that way. In order to help people, you need to go in and be inside of what their inside of, why do we don't just go around... Well, you should just not be doing that at all. That's not how we do things. Don't do that. Get over, get over people, making the decisions. She already made the decision for herself of what she was going to do. And it sounds like she was just complaining. She didn't need any advice.

dianne (03:34):

No. And that's, isn't that what always happens when you're a parent.

abby (03:37):

Yes. Right.

dianne (03:38):

No matter what it is, I'm tired. Oh, well then, you know, you should just cry it out.

abby (03:44):

I didn't ask you for advice. I'm just venting.

dianne (03:46):

Yeah. Baby's fussy. Well, then switch to formula. I don't like my job. Well then quit and join the military. Like what? I mean, you know, like if I don't, if I'm having a day where I don't like my job, like every once in a while people, you know, like my husband or whatever, like, he'll be like, well, I mean, what else are you going to do? You know? Like, it's like, what else would you do? Kind of thing. Like trying to tell me reasons why I am doing what I'm doing. Like you don't try to talk people out of. Oh yeah. It sucks. Just quit and move on to the next thing. Like, how about saying, I'm sorry. It is, you know, it's a really difficult stage you're in, but it passes and it'll be okay. Keep doing what you do.

abby (04:25):

Just let people have their feelings. Oh, that sounds really hard. It sounds really hard. Is there anything I can do if you ever need anything done, I can help.

dianne (04:36):

people are the worst.

abby (04:38):

So anyway, probably, oh, go ahead.

dianne (04:40):

I know we totally solved your problem for you huh Hannah. Sorry about that. But thank you so much for sending us the info and for touching base with us, telling us what you know, like that this has been helpful. I am really, really glad, and it is so empowering for us to hear that we've been able to empower you. So that's really great to hear. Thank you very much. Send us reviews. You can put them on iTunes, which is really helpful to the podcast. It like helps us to like look important. And if you can't do that, you can always send us an email like Hannah did to badassbreastfeedingpodcast@gmail.com. That's all I got.

abby (05:17):

Yes. And, um, today we're going to talk about something that's guaranteed to give you lots of unsolicited advice, which is like all the random things that your baby's going to go through, that everyone has the answer for.

dianne (05:31):

Yeah. Except for he's a baby, right? Yeah. Which is the only answer there is like... its a baby.

abby (05:39):

And he's a baby. That's why he's doing that. Oh, well, there must be something wrong. And then you get your head filled with all of these things that it could be.

dianne (05:47):

And, well, it's just that they're a baby and that's all there is to it. And I said, yeah, go ahead. Like, I think we want an easy answer, right? Like we want, oh, your baby is doing this. Well, just do this.

abby (06:03):

We want some easy solutions. We are solution focused. We want there to be an answer and a solution to everything that's going on. But you know what, when your baby is, for example, you know, learning how to roll over, they are going to be more wakeful. They're going to possibly be more fussy. It's going to affect their feeding behavior. And there is no answer. There is no answer. And there is no solution except for them to just move through that developmental phase.

dianne (06:34):

Yeah. And we did, um, this is I mean, it's kind of what we talked about when we did like the four month sleep regression. I think we did one on that like few months ago where it's not really, like, we, they call it a regression, but it's really like, it's, it's developmental, you know? And we're not even going to talk about just that four months. We're going to talk about all the things. Because even in the very beginning, when babies are born, there's stuff that happens that is completely developmental, that are milestones. I mean, believe it or not, your baby, that's like a week old is hitting milestones. Like it happens.

abby (07:05):

and your toddler. And if you're breastfeeding all the way into toddlerhood or small childhood, there's developmental, you know, things that are going to affect their feeding behavior then too,

dianne (07:14):

you know, I see this happen. I get messages on this constantly.

abby (07:19):

Yes. Constantly.

dianne (07:21):

It's real. It's one of the most common things. And like, I got one just yesterday. I got a couple today, but one yesterday that I'm thinking of is, you know, this mom was like, had all these, the baby's doing this. Baby's really fussy. And then she said, well, he's got a tooth coming in. Like, there you go. That's, you know, that's, what's going on. That'll really change up their feeding behavior.

abby (07:41):

It's just like misery 1 0 1 for a baby.

dianne (07:43):

And she was like, well, but this didn't happen with my first kid. Very different. Babies are very, very different from each other, even in the same family.

abby (07:52):

Right. Exactly. And it might not even happen with the same child with another tooth coming in.

dianne (07:56):

Right. Right. It depends on where that tooth is, which one is coming in,

abby (08:01):

how much it's bothering them. Sometimes they come pop through real fast. It doesn't seem to bother them. Sometimes it's just pushing really long time on the gums, irritating the gums. And it just takes so long to pop through. And they're miserable for a long time.

dianne (08:15):

Ugh. There's so much. So I don't, maybe we should start like, from the very, from the newborns.

abby (08:20):

Yeah. Let's do it.

dianne (08:21):

And talk a little bit about those guys. So newborns, a lot of times what happens with them, you know, like they're newly born and I really feel like our society, our culture just kind of expects that these babies are going to be born. They're going to cry when they need to be fed. They're going to cry if they need to be changed and they're going to sleep. And then after like a month or so, maybe they're going to be a little bit more playful, a little bit more awake and alert and you know, so on, as it, as it kind of goes, nobody expects the fussiness. Nobody expects gassiness. Nobody expects, you know, crying regularly, you know, for no reason. And nobody knows what to do when that happens. So when it does happen, everybody's like, oh my hiccups, people freak out at the hiccups.

abby (09:15):

Oh my God.

dianne (09:16):

It happens all the time. And it's all part of their development.

abby (09:21):

Yeah. And it just goes to show how scary and how, I don't want to say irrationally scary because that's kind of rude. But like, you know, I think about my kids now, they're older. If they have gas, I'm just like, ha ha you're full of farts or whatever. When they were babies and they had gas, it was so scary. It was like, oh my God, what am I, what am I supposed to do? I have to do something. How do I teach them to fart? Oh my God, how are they going to get it out? Like, and like, as if it was a life and death matter. And like, we're just so, so, you know, and there's, there's, there's, there's, um, you know, there's biology behind this too. We are wired to be so, so responsive and sensitive to our newborns, which is what keeps them alive. But you know, we go, we, you know, our brains like really go overboard with it. Yeah. Cause we're scared of every single last thing. So, you know, so when something is wrong, we can do something about it. But we get worried about absolutely everything. Everything is worrying. I can't even, I can't, I had a poop log. I'm sure everybody had a poop log where you're keeping track of their poop for what? Now I look at it and I'm like, this gives me zero information. Like I needed to make a log that he poops. I don't keep a log any more.

dianne (10:44):

I know. Right? Like you would really need to. I don't have any idea even when my kids do poop, like I have no idea.

abby (10:51):

I know because Jack announces it all the time. Mommy, I have to poop. I'm like, you do know that you can just go do that. Right. You don't tell everyone. No. I mean, it's a big announcement, but anyway. Yeah.

dianne (11:05):

But everybody kind of falls into this black hole of everything that the baby does is related to the feeding.

abby (11:13):

Exactly. Everything becomes a feeding problem.

dianne (11:16):

Yes. And none of it is a feeding problem. Right. And I'm sorry, when you're bottle feeding, nobody thinks, oh my gosh, the baby has hiccups. Is it because of their bottle?

abby (11:28):

Yeah. Or they're like constipated, maybe this formula isn't like sitting well in their stomach.

dianne (11:36):

So it must be something else. Cause I just fed them. But you know, like nobody really, we always kind of go to, oh, it's always a feeding issue. It must be something I'm eating. It must be something I'm doing. It must be something in my diet.

abby (11:50):

I'm not making enough is the biggest one. I mean just, and that's what happens with, uh, you know, any of this, like, you know, the wakefulness at night, the fussiness, the, the, the, um, you know, when they're, when they're not nursing very frequently, like nursing strikes or something like that, it's all like, oh my God, I don't have enough milk. Yeah. What did I do wrong? It's Never the case. They are going through something. And by the way, if they do have a nursing strike, I'm all over the map right here. I'm like all over the map. But like what I was thinking about nursing strikes, I'm like, first of all, the whole, that is a scary word. Like they're not on strike. They're not like fighting for like equal pay for other babies. They're trying to nurse, it hurts. It's uncomfortable. It's whatever it is that's causing that to happen is like, they're not choosing this. They hate it. They want to nurse. It's uncomfortable, you know? And then you go through all these, you know, if it's long enough, you can have supply issues, whatever. But your baby, when they start nursing again, will, pop that milk supply back up so fast. Exactly. You don't even have to worry about it. But I even have, I had a message recently of somebody who she says, she went to the dentist to have a procedure. And then she didn't nurse because she was told not to nurse. So she didn't nurse for like a couple of days. And she swears to it that her milk supply is low ever since. And that he's not getting enough.

dianne (13:24):

It really gets into your brain. I can't. Yeah, it really does. It really gets in your brain.

abby (13:29):

Go on. You were talking about something useful,

dianne (13:33):

all of it's useful. So it really liked those beginning days. One of the things that I really I think is, is one of the most impactful is that fussy period when babies like cluster feed, when they're, you know, in the evening time, we always see that usually right around at two weeks. And it goes til about two or three months or whatever babies are like super fussy in the evening. They're cluster feeding, like some babies, it doesn't affect them. But the majority of babies do kind of like hit this part of the day, where they are just really fussy and nothing you can do will console that they're just fussy. They want to be held. They want to be latched on. They want to be snuggled. And people always say, do I not have enough milk at this time of day? What's you know, why is the baby so fussy? Is there something wrong with my milk? Is there something in it that's making them fussy? Why are they, you know, what's, what's happening with this? And it's, it's just your baby's development. They have a very immature neurological system that gets overstimulated really, really easily. They also have a very immature digestive system, which is why they're gassy and why they have a hard time getting the gas out. They have a very immature diaphragm, which is why they get the hiccups. Like developmentally they just need to come together. And it doesn't happen overnight. We do not birth babies that are like ready to roll into, into the world. All put together.

abby (14:56):

No, we talked about this in one of the previous episodes is that humans are some of the most immature mammals of all. So they are the most needy and they seem very needy and that's, that's, it's true. They are very immature compared to, you know, other mammals upon birth.

dianne (15:14):

And yeah, needy is a great, and we don't mean needy, like so needy,

abby (15:19):

like your boyfriend in high school, not that guy,

dianne (15:23):

but they are, they do need you for survival because they can't do it on their own. Obviously their babies, like they can't do it on their own. But that same thing that makes them needy will also make them fussy at times, not sleep well, cranky, gassy, spitting up all of those things that happen. That is just part of their development.

abby (15:48):

Yeah. You know, you get a young enough baby. Like they don't even, I'm sure they're very sleepy, whatever. But sometimes it, especially if they're overstimulated or anything like that, they don't even know how to fall asleep now. Like they don't know anything. And you're like, oh my God, you're tired. Go to sleep. And like, they just like, can't. There's so much going on with them. And it's really not. It's not, it's not, you, it's not your milk.

dianne (16:13):

parents will be like, well, they're not doing this or they're not latching about, and I'm like, they don't know what they're doing.

abby (16:18):

No, they're complete messes.

dianne (16:19):

They have no idea. And they start to cry. Like, and I see this in my office all the time. Like the baby will start to cry. Like maybe we'll weigh him. And that will set him off, start crying. And then they like escalate because they don't know how to cry and then like stop crying when they're finished with whatever's happening. So then they escalate and they're screaming their heads off. And everyone's like, oh my God, what's wrong with them? It's like nothing. They're fine. They just don't know how to calm down yet. Their system is overloaded because it's immature and they will be fine. We just, you know, we just need to soothe them and calm them and stay calm so that they can be calm. But it's nothing you're doing wrong and breastfeeding doesn't have anything to do with that.

abby (17:03):

Right. Right. And let's talk more. Should we talk more after our sponsors?

dianne (17:06):

Yes. Cause we got to get into after the newborns.

abby (17:09):

Yes. We're going to get into it, people. Swear to God. Hold on. We'll be right back. Today's episode is brought to you by just-n-case nursing pads. Struggles with nursing pads that scrunch up in your bras, slip out of place and leak through your top add unnecessary stress. Just n case is committed to making breastfeeding more comfortable, less stressful, and more sustainable for new parents. Just in case set out to redesign nursing pads from the inside out, incorporating their patented confetix, textile technology, unlike other reusable nursing pads, award-winning just-n-case pads are super absorbent and leak-proof, and they won't let you down when you let down. Plus because they don't contain a layer of PU plastic they're more eco-friendly and can be tossed in the dryer with the rest of your wash. Essential for busy new parents just in case also has a range of award-winning super absorbent reusable underwear. Perfect for post-partum bleeds, little wee leaks or the eventual return of your period. They've got you covered. Badass breastfeeders can head to justncase.com. That's J U S T N C a S e.com and use code badass 15 for 15% off of your purchase. And today's episode is also brought to you by Ceres chill. Never worry about safely storing your breast milk or formula again. Ceres Chill was invented by a mom for moms and offers guaranteed convenience with their double walled stainless steel container. A little bit of water and ice is all you need to keep your breast milk or formula safe for 20 hours. No more lugging around chunky coolers and dozens of containers you can pump and double pump all day into one sleek container. The chillers are dishwasher, safe, airport friendly and lasts a lifetime. Use it for wine coffee, and any of your favorite beverages or even food when you're done breast or bottle feeding, head over to cereschill.com. That's C E R E S C H I L l.com and or check them out on Instagram @cereschill. Cereschill on Instagram, not.com. Um, you can use code badass breastfeeders 25 for 25% off of your purchase of this container. Um, and all of our sponsors in the promo codes can be found in our show notes at badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com. Um, and the show notes will also include further information that we talk about in this episode and at badassbreastfeedingpodcast.com, you can also find our breastfeeding resources, all of our other episodes and information about scheduling your very own one-on-one online lactation consultation with Dianne.

dianne (19:55):

Yeah. All the cool kids do it. Right. So we're talking about the older babies now, right? Like the younger, but like we could talk forever about the younger babies. I feel like, like, because it's just what we, it's definitely what I see more of, but I feel like I've, I'm always doing like that same reassurance with parents because the concerns are always the same.

abby (20:21):

Yeah, exactly. And we have that episode. That's how to know when breastfeeding is going well.

dianne (20:27):

Oh, that's a good one.

abby (20:28):

So, you know, you can listen to that episode and you can start to reassure yourself that you know, that you truly know that your baby is happy, is healthy. You know, that things are going well and reassure yourself, you know, that, that this is a very anxious time that a lot of this stuff is, um, seems very scary, but your baby is growing very fast and you can even like, you know, well, I mean, listening to this episode would, you can go into much more detail about, um, what goes on with the development, you know, excluding, you know, kind of breastfeeding or feeding from it just what's developmentally going on inside of, uh, inside of a newborn's body. You know? And I feel like when you, when you, when you start to understand what's going on and how quickly they're growing and, and how much is happening, it's, you know, you can really understand like, okay, this is, I think things are going well, you know, I'm feeling anxious. And I, I know all of the things that this baby's going through and it's rough. You'd be fussy too.

dianne (21:33):

You have to really think about the logic behind it too. And I'm not saying, of course, you know, when you're a new parent, like logic's kind of out the window, you can't even, you know, it's, it's really hard, but we want these babies to grow and we see them growing. Like you see them growing out of their clothes super fast, like just, they're constantly growing, growing, growing. But then we complain about how frequently they eat. And it's like, well, they shouldn't be eating that frequently, but they're growing a lot. Like, it just, it doesn't make sense. But look at your, look at your baby, see all the things that they're doing. And that will tell you, like, there's so much development going on. There's so much growth going on. That that is going to impact their day to day reactions. Yeah. Now when they're a little older, then you run into like the like the four month sleep regression, whatever we, that's what it's kind of like been labeled, but it really is a huge developmental time. And when they say regression, it's really a progression. Like your baby is really progressing and learning and striving and meeting new milestones. So it's not really a progression at all. It's more about them like doing more things.

abby (22:52):

Yeah. Regression. I feel like regression just like fuels the misunderstanding around what's happening.

dianne (23:01):

Cause everyone is like, oh my baby's in the four month sleep regression. That's the worst.

abby (23:05):

Like they are going backwards. Yeah. They are going forward so fast that they can't sleep.

dianne (23:09):

Yeah. They're just like purposely not sleeping to irritate you. A strike. Yeah. Like they're on strike picketing.

abby (23:19):

Yeah. No more boobs. No More Sleep I mean, yeah. Right. They're just like, yeah. It's such a misunderstanding of what's actually happening.

dianne (23:31):

There's so much that they're doing. And then if you think about that four month time, like it's usually, you know, like four months, five months, they are like, they're rolling over, they're getting up on hands and knees, they're interacting with things more.

abby (23:45):

They're seeing things more. If they're noticing things that you'll see them, notice things in the room more. Maybe if you have a pet, they're start noticing the pet.

dianne (23:54):

they know when you leave the room, as opposed to like, you know, when you come home, like when you're in the room and if you leave the room, they might cry. Like there's a lot of things that's happening for them that you don't even know of that is happening in their brain development. Like it's just crazy how much they're advancing.

abby (24:15):

Yeah. And you don't get to see the brain development cause it's inside. And it's something that we don't get to see you just get to see. Yeah. You know, the, you know, the behavioral side effects of it, like, you know, the less sleep, the fussiness, the,

dianne (24:30):

some babies are teething at that age.

abby (24:32):

Oh God. Yeah. All at the same time.

dianne (24:34):

Yeah. There's so much stuff going on. Maybe you returned to work. That's a really common thing to happen around that stage too. Um, so there's so much happening and we always go, oh, I think it's my milk supply. And it really, it really isn't or you think it's your milk supply and it's not, but then you start doing things and it becomes your milk supply.

abby (24:55):

Yes. I was thinking about that before we earlier today. Yeah. We start intervening, what can I do? What do I need to do? And then, and then you're messing with the milk supply.

dianne (25:05):

yeah, absolutely. Um, whenever babies hit a pretty big milestone, you know, like rolling, crawling, walking, teething, those things really, really do have the reality of messing up their sleep and messing up their feeds. They just, you know, babies too right around the four month mark, they're becoming more. Um, because they're so much more aware of their environment. They are very distracted. So they are like looking at all the things around them. They don't want to spend time eating. Whereas before you couldn't get this baby off your boob, maybe now they're just like, all right, let me take a couple sips. And I got stuff to do. I'm busy. And then they want to be up all night feeding. Cause there was too much going on during the day that they were paying attention to. Babies are just, they're fascinating.

abby (26:00):

They are. Yeah.

dianne (26:01):

The way they, you know, what happens. So if you try to look at it as a perspective, from a perspective of all the growth that's going on and everything that is happening for them, it's so amazing really? That it's not more difficult.

abby (26:18):

Right? Yeah. And another thing that happens too, that worries people is they actually, they get, so they get real good at eating. And so then they eat it doesn't take them as long to eat. And then people worry like, oh my God, well they were only, they were only there for five minutes. How could they possibly have gotten enough? Yeah. Well, because they can. They can now. They couldn't at first, but now they can literally just like run over there's motivation too. Right. They're like, I got to get back to this really interesting thing over here. So I'm going to eat really fast and then I'm going to go back over there and then people go, oh God, oh God, they're weening. They're weaning. They're not, yeah. They're not, they're not nursing as long. So there must be something wrong.

dianne (27:00):

One of my, one of the ones that I get a lot, like at that age, like after four or five months, when those babies become super efficient, they are distracted. They are not going to hang out there for a while. Like babies become efficient pretty early on, but they will stay and just comfort nurse.

abby (27:16):

Yeah. That's true.

dianne (27:17):

Once they get older, they're like, all right, I'm done. I've got to go see what the dog's doing.

abby (27:22):

Right. And the comfort nursing is more at night.

dianne (27:24):

Yeah. So the comfort nursing is more at night and then people will call me and be like, the baby is screaming. When I try to latch them, like what's going on, what's happening. And at first I'm like, oh my gosh, why would the baby be screaming when they try? And then I go, oh, wait a minute. When does this happen? Oh, after like three or four minutes. Is it because the flow is too slow and I'm like, no, they're done. And you're trying to keep latching that like, you're fighting with them. Really.

abby (27:48):

You don't realize, you don't realize that their belly is full. Like they're good. Like they are, their belly is literally full. They just drink all of that milk out and you didn't even know.

dianne (27:57):

Yeah. And then they're done and you try to switch them and try to move them and trying to re latch them. And they're like, leave me, be like, they're really fighting. You know, like I got to go. And at that age you can let them control that they know what they want at that age. They know when they're hungry, they know when they're full, they know when they want to eat. And if you're just kind of like, okay, they want to get off my lap now and go let it happen. And you're now you've reached a point where it's easy, let them come on when they want to get on and get off when they want to get off.

abby (28:28):

Yeah. And they will. Yeah. And then, you know, here's the other thing about breastfeeding is that it evolves just as much as their development because they will continue. If you continue to nurse through toddlerhood and small childhood, even, um, they're continuing to grow and they're continuing to go through all of these, you know, more developmental stages and milestones and you might have this, um, nine month old baby that is like on the go, you think, okay, this is how breastfeeding is going to be. And then the hit a year or 18 months or something. And they just decide that they need to nurse all the time again. And they're there all the time, all day and all night nursing like a newborn. And you're like, what's going on? Something must be wrong. Or they're not really eating very many solids. All they want is breast milk. Something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. This is just what they do. And then, then say they're 2. And then there are all busy bodies again. And then there are three. Oh my God. Why are they nursing all day again? Why is this happening? Because it evolves just as much as your baby evolves. They, you know, their relationship with breastfeeding does too. It never stays the same.

dianne (29:35):

Right. And like we were saying earlier, it's different with every child you have.

abby (29:38):

Yeah. Yeah. You have one three-year-old just wants to nurse all the time. Another three-year-old that's just like, doesn't want, you don't want you to nurse at night, once a nurse at night and doesn't want a nurse at all during the day. Yeah. So different. And you want to do the thing about weaning. Cause we always think, yeah, like they're weaning their whatever. Like you're not going to see that with a baby or even a small toddler. You'll see weaning around like two and above.

dianne (30:02):

Yeah. It's not as likely.

abby (30:03):

Before that it's just developmental is taking their attention away from it. And there are people who are like, I tried all, everything I could, they were a year. I tried everything I could and they just weaned and you know, people have that experience, but it's likely that they were going through something and they were, you know, just not nursing for a little while.

dianne (30:27):

Yeah. And there's, I mean, there's just so, there's so much, like I said, there's so much that goes on with them, that we have no idea about. There's all these really cool apps right now that like tell you like what, what development stage your baby is in and tells you if they're going through something. And sometimes they'll just be like super miserable, you know, really cranky at times. And you're like, oh my gosh, what the heck? Where's my sweet smiley baby. They're like miserable right now. And a lot of time it's totally developmental. Something is happening there. They're going through something and it is just changing their outlook. It's changing the whole trajectory of what they're doing right now. Just roll with that, if you can. Yeah. It's hard. It's hard not to think I'm doing something wrong, but you're not.

abby (31:18):

Or there's something wrong with them.

dianne (31:20):

Yeah. Yeah. We get that a lot at the doctor's office. We'll get that. People will be like my baby. Like a lot of times it's like, okay, my baby, like I put her down in her arms moved. What, what happened? Or I put her down and she cried what what's going on there. When I pick her up at stops, she wants you to pick her up, like pick her up. You know, it's just, we look at every little thing through the microscope and go, there's something wrong. There must be something wrong. And it's, I feel so bad sometimes for those parents because it's like, oh my gosh, just, I wish you could just like, enjoy your baby for what they are. But that's so hard because we, we live in this environment where we're so like my gosh, what is wrong?

abby (32:00):

Well, we also have, we also have like pediatricians, you know, that are often fueling this too. You know like, well, they should be doing this. They should be doing that. You probably don't have enough fat in your milk and you probably don't have enough calories. They shouldn't be waking that much. You should give them this. You should give them that. And then there was like the time around solids, whether you should stop feeding them, you should stop breastfeeding them and give them more solids cut back on breastfeeding so that they'll eat more solids. Or, you know, you have all of this advice too, that comes from trusted sources that lead you astray. It's so not helpful. I, and it's, and you know, I hear you hear both sides of it. Like they're not eating enough solids. I should cut back on breastfeeding or they're, you know, they're, they're eating so much solids. They don't want to breastfeed anymore. And like every, each person is equally worried. Yeah. And going off of probably some misinformed, you know, pediatrician.

dianne (33:05):

There's like, we worry about so much stuff and sometimes I'll get the whole, my baby doesn't nap well. I'm concerned about their brain development.

abby (33:16):

It's like, oh yeah, I remember that because Jack was not a sleeper.

dianne (33:19):

Some babies are not good sleepers. They're just not.

abby (33:22):

exactly. Especially if you have a highly sensitive baby, they have personalities. They come out who they are too. And some babies are sleepy and some babies are very wakeful. And Jack was a highly sensitive wakeful person who did not sleep very much and still doesn't sleep very much. And I would just be like, something's wrong with his brain? Yeah. You know, I had no idea that all of that was very normal that like, he didn't want to be put down that, you know, that he was more comfortable with me nursing through the night. Like I thought all of this was so problematic when it was absolutely normal,

dianne (33:59):

totally normal. The greatest resource for this. And I'll have to link it in the show notes is Tracy Cassels. She's great for this stuff.

abby (34:06):

She's yeah. She's been on this show a couple of few times.

dianne (34:09):

She has been on the show talking about sleep, but she also has a great resource for what she calls an orchid baby for those babies that are fussier, that just don't seem to fit in that box. You know? And I've definitely had some families where I'm like, you have an orchid baby. Like they just, and they call them that because they do better in a very specific environment, you know? So they're not like weeds that can kind of grow wherever. Orchids are very, very particular about how they're cared for. And orchid babies is kind of what we call those babies that are just a little bit...They need things to be a specific way for their, for their development to be maximized for them. And that is just personalities. It's, it's who they are. It's just who they are. Not all babies come out the same. So she's a great resource for that. Cause then people go, oh my gosh, I never even knew this was a thing. And it's like, yeah, babies are just, they're just babies. Like we just have to figure out what they need and help them to reach their potential. But for some babies it's easier than it is for others.

abby (35:22):

Yeah. Yeah. And, and you know, when I, the other resource that we haven't had on the show yet it was the sleep consultant that I worked with Rebecca. And, you know, we worked for a long time to get, you know, and a specific environment in the home that would you know, encourage the production of melatonin and help him sleep better. And it worked, it fricking worked and, um, it's true. You know, he needed a certain, some babies are just like, oh my God, I don't know what's going on. I'm just going to fall asleep right here in the middle of Ikea. And then other babies just can not.

dianne (35:58):

Yeah, I really, oh yeah. So they're all different. So don't worry about your baby's development. I mean, I think at the end of every podcast, I'm like, don't worry, I sound like Mary Poppins, but it really, your baby's doing exactly what they're trying to tell you. Exactly what they need.

abby (36:12):

well, and is this is, uh, you know, think about it. If what you're going through is this related to, is it a feeding problem or is this developmental? Is this something that they're just going through and, um, it's not a feeding problem at all. Probably.

dianne (36:27):

it doesn't make it easier to get through.

abby (36:30):

No, no, no one said, yeah, no, one's going to tell you anything like that.

dianne (36:33):

just know that not, all of it is related to feeding in fact, very, very little of it is related to feeding, But that's it.

abby (36:42):

Yeah. Thanks for listening.

dianne (36:44):

Thank you. Bye [inaudible].