Ep 91: Profesh Sesh: Work Friends & How to Balance Relationships that are both Personal & Professional

A chat about the value of friendship in the workplace, and how to navigate its upas and downs.

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Producers & Hosts: Vanessa Alava & Sue Robinson

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Transcript

Vanessa Alava  0:09  

Well, we talk a lot about mentorship and building your tribe on the show and the importance of having a good support system. And today we thought it would be interesting to cover friends at work and what the line is who you should be choosing to be your friends because you can be choosy, and it's okay to be choosy. And we just thought Alisa would be the perfect person to discuss this topic with so Alisa work friends, what are your thoughts?

Alisa Walters  0:38  

I think that if you don't have a work bestie Aren't you even working?

I think that and I feel like I'm actually speaking to a pair of lovely ladies that that met at work and and had this relationship develop and and look, look at you both now. And I think that that speaks volumes to connecting with somebody in the workplace. Because there's that camaraderie and there's there's polls and statistics that study that when you have a friend at work it

it increases your fulfilment, your productivity, and ultimately, company loyalty companies should be promoting at work bestie, right, because it gives you that opportunity to have the casual chats and have somebody to take a lunch break with walking get coffee, too. And I think a lot of people are struggling now because of that lack of contact with your with your work best friend or, or your work friends, your your crew of people

Sue Robinson  1:58  

Yes, absolutely. Having a close friend at work can be such a godsend. And it can keep you sane, and centered. And there's so many wonderful things about that. And I mean, obviously, Vanessa, and I've experienced that. So thank you for bringing that out, Alisa, because it's true. And I feel very blessed by that. Are there things you should be mindful of? Are there lines that you should draw? You know, what, what are any of the potential pitfalls of having that kind of a relationship at work? 

Alisa Walters

Absolutely, there are certainly boundaries, because your your work friend is also your colleague. And I think that, you know, it's, it's being mindful of how much you share personally. And what you're confiding in one another.

Also recognizing that you're not in competition with this person. And I think that so many times, there's been and I think it's, it's the hierarchy of a nine to five in a corporate company culture is that there's this expectation that you're just supposed to always be the best at your job, and you need to be seen, and you need to get promoted, where your work friends become your allies, they're not your your competition. 

There was an Atlantic article about how the pandemic is really changing those work friendships. And for a lot of people, there's this sense of loss, right? Because you don't have that time to take a walk down the street to pick up a coffee and kind of vent to each other or bounce ideas off of one another. So I think people are trying to figure out ways now to still establish and maintain those relationships in this remote environment. So a lot of people are doing zoom check ins, zoom, happy hours, coffee dates on zoom, and trying to keep that you know, that connection. And then on the flip side of that, there are a lot of people that are actually less stressed about those work relationships there are a lot of introverts who go into an office every day. And it's important to recognize that

not having to interact and engage is a lot less stressful. Somebody, they can do their work, they can separate and they can disengage.

Vanessa  5:26  

At the end of the day, respect was the first word that I wrote down, like respecting that person respecting the space that you have, and respecting your relationship, no matter how it forms, and I want to touch on something that you mentioned right off the bat, because Sue was my boss.

We completely broke that rule. And I think that sometimes you can't help like who you really have a connection with, right? Like, if it is that situation, which is certainly was for us, that first word that I wrote down, I think it becomes key

Alisa

And I think that's an excellent call out. I I think it's important. And, you know, I think thatthere are other people on the other side of that coin that aren't as self aware, right, that aren't, that don't know how to not push that relationship when it's not appropriate. 

Vanessa  9:07  

And so I think I may be going back on my initial statement of don't have that relationship with no, and I think I think it's important, you know, I think you bring up a valid point is that usually, that's not a line that you potentially want to cross and especially not immediately, right, you want to get to know the person and but at the same time, like there's a gut, right, you're listening to your gut and usually it's gonna steer you in the right direction or protect you from staring in the wrong direction.Alisa 10:27

But I think it's important that if you feel like you're, you're isolated, in in your work environment, and you really don't know how to make those friendships, and you feel kind of lonely in your job. asking people questions, the who, what, where, when, why I think it's always it's applicable to every aspect of your life, if you're not sure how to strike up a conversation, think of those questions, oh, what brought you to this company? Or where were you before? What do you do when you're not here? You know, and those kinds of questions to just kind of start that dialogue is really important. Because I, I'm a big advocate of having somebody that you can have that relationship with in that work setting, I just think it, it really does make a world of difference. And you don't feel like you're out on this island by yourself. 

Sue

We spend so much of our time, and build so much of our identities at work. And so yeah, it is important to have an ally and somebody that you just connect with. And if if life puts that person in your way, and and it happens to be at work, that's fantastic. And that's a real gift to embrace it.

Separately, what about when you build a close friendship with somebody at work of the opposite sex? How do you navigate that in a professional way? 

Alisa

I have several male colleagues that I've established friendships with, and I think keeping it within that professional setting your you know, walking to we had a whole foods down the street, walking to Whole Foods and getting a smoothie and, you know, catching up on what's going on within their work, I think, really being mindful and self aware of the boundaries that are established within that relationship. I do think that if the work friendship is outside of that nine to five, if there's activities that are happening, and there are, you know, spouses or whatever the case might be involved, make it a group thing. And you know, if there's trivia nights or work dinners and things like that, I think it's really important again, to maintain those boundaries. I think people are going to talk no matter what situation you're in. So you have to just be mindful of ignoring it, as long as it's not in any way, shape, or form, jeopardizing your relationship within the company. I think it's really important that again, be self aware, set boundaries and have group activities. 

Vanessa

Great advice. So I want to touch on something he said that I think most people can relate to. You formed a friendship and something happens where things kind of go right. And now you're at work and have to see this person every day. , What are your tips for how to progress in a professional environment with the person that you have decided to no longer engage in a friendship anymore that you work with.

Alisa  15:14  

Keep it simple, keep it civil. And I think you know those those ways you're there to do your job first and foremost. niceties. Be respectful and just know that you try it try to continue to step outside of that personal, that personal relationship that was established. I think that if you know if there if the if it becomes a bigger issue, if there's trauma that ensues as a result of this friendship, kind of fizzling. I think it might be beneficial to you know, we talk a lot about communication is maybe have a have a conversation, like, Hey, can we grab a coffee like I know, things might not necessarily be like they were, but we do have to work together. So let's just figure out a way to be respectful of each other and maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our jobs.

Sue  16:15  

I love that. Keep it simple, keep it civil, 

Vanessa

and be human and be adults about it. Yes, right. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. This has been a great conversation. Thank you Alisa.