Thrive 006 - Conscious Relationships with Nicola Harrold

Glenn is joined again by his wife Nicola Harrold this week as Thrives special guest, following up on their last podcast together. Conscious relationships is the hot topic during this episode and we get an insight into how these two hypnotherapists first met. They speak of how their journey through life together has been a tale of synchronicity and spiritual connection. 

However, not all relationships are plane sailing, there are obstacles along the way. This episode delves into some of the problems that Glenn and Nicola encountered when they first began their relationship and what they did to tackle these, becoming the strong couple they are today.  

As young children growing up, we are influenced by our parents, especially their relationship and their interactions. This can form a blueprint to which we use as a basis of comparison for future relationships we go on to develop. However, this blueprint isn't always appropriate, therefore we must come to realise this in our adult lives if we want to create a more loving and positive connection.

Spirituality and consciousness form the building blocks of a truly loving union between two people. It takes effort and commitment to make something work and those that are 'meant to be' can sometimes overlook this and run from the situation. Although working through these differences can sometimes be the therapy that is needed to heal yourself.    

If you keep making the same mistakes in your relationships or yours is currently on the rocks, let this podcast offer you a solution or perhaps some guidance so that your relationship can thrive.

About Glenn Harrold: Glenn Harrold is one of the world's most successful and trusted hypnotherapists, with over 25 years of experience helping millions of people improve their mental health, sleep, confidence, and overall wellbeing. His recordings are renowned for their clinical effectiveness and exceptional production quality.

Love this meditation? Explore Glenn’s full library of downloads:

• Audio Library: rebrand.ly/GHThriveHA
• Ultimate Hypnosis App: rebrand.ly/GHThrive
• Relax and Sleep Well App: rebrand.ly/GHThriveRSW

Stay Connected: Follow Glenn on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or visit his Official Website for daily inspiration and new releases.

Please do not listen to this recording while driving or operating machinery. This recording is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological treatment.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello again to another Glenn Harold podcast, and once again I've got a very special guest with me. And the special guest today is my lovely wife, Nicola, who was on a few weeks ago. So hello to you, Nicola.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And in this week's podcast, we are going to be talking about relationships. Yes. Because we've been on a bit of a journey. So to give you a little bit of a backstory, we've been together for 10 years and we got married last year. So we were nine years together, got married, and we now live out in Portugal in a lovely part of the world. We've got two little kitties of five and three. And I would say in this relationship, we have been on some journey, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

You know, we had um an amazing get together. Um, there was a a real A lot of synchronistic. Shall we tell the story of how we got together?

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Yeah, we can briefly say.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

We've talked about it before. We did a webinar a while back and we talked about it, and and what it was, Nicola was actually aware of my recordings, my hypnotherapy recordings, some time ago. And in fact, Nicola started listening when she was 14. Which, yes, it's um and just to clarify, I didn't know Nicola then. I'm not one of those groomers, online groomers, anything like that. But Nicola used to listen to me when she was 14, which is quite mind-blown when you think that later on.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

No, I didn't know that it was you. Because what happened? So when we actually connected and started talking, I was in my my year of um, I was coming to the end of my first year of training to be a hypnotherapist, and something was mentioned on TV. There was a TV presenter on a UK TV programme called Loose Women who was talking about how she'd had hypnotherapy to uh get over her addiction to chocolate. And when I looked it up, it was Glenn Harold who hypnotised her. So I then I don't remember this, but I obviously went and joined your fan page because I also had a CD because two years before that I was in Waterstones buying a book, and Glenn's CDs were advertised, they were displayed behind the counter. And um, I remember and I turned to the person that I was with at the time and I said, Something's telling me to buy that CD, and it was manifest your goals and dreams. I was only 19 and um I bought it, and then I recognised the voice um from the recording I used to listen to when I was 14.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

So it's a nice little story, and one we've got to tell the kids. You know, it's so much better than saying we met on plenty of fish or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Even an old school one.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

So yeah, it's a colourful, you know, that's a that's our backstory, and we got together and we found we were very much on the same path, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Yeah, we're connected spiritually, and that that was our biggest connection in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah, and it was because there's you know, it's gonna shock some listeners, but there's quite an age gap between me and Nick. I mean it's quite obvious when you look at us, but I hope so.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

I mean, I hope it's obvious.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

But you know, it's um it was the spiritual connection which you know when you've got that between you, age doesn't come into it. You know, it's between two souls.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

And it really has never, you know, the only time it's ever really come into it is when obviously you've got a lot more life experience. I was only 22 when we met.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

So um and I was 48. Yes, so there it was.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

There was quite a difference, yeah. So it was very um, you know, we'd had different experiences obviously through life, but on a soul level, in terms of our conversation, what we wanted from life, what we were passionate about, we we were there. There was no difference.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Bang on the same path. And and it's funny, you know, just talking about the age gap, it was it was only really a problem at the very beginning because you were really Nick was conscious of it, and when you're conscious of it, we did get a few looks. But as soon as you got over that, and it wasn't long after you got over it, you just shed it, didn't you?

SPEAKER_02 4:05

I just don't mind how it just is what it is, is an age gap, and if someone notices that, then that's fine. That's just you know, it is what it is. But I was so I had so much fear around what other people would think that it took us quite a while to get together, really, didn't it? I mean, I not because of that a lot, but maybe what nine, six, seven, eight months or something.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah, so it's just that thing of you know, it's reminds me of that thing where you say that you know, other people's opinion of me is none of my business.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

And as soon as you're in that place, you don't worry about stuff, you just let it go.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

And well, it becomes you have to ask yourself I mean, it was it was actually you're in Australia, weren't you? Yeah, I was back in the UK and I had, you know, we were just friends, there was always something there, but we would talk a lot, but we weren't, you know, we weren't in a relationship. And I had swine flu. I was so ill over Christmas, but it was so strange because being that physically ill, it shifted something in me energetically. And I just thought, what am I doing when the person that you know is right for me is right there. So it was it was almost like this light bulb, and I realised it just doesn't matter what other people think.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

And I think it was our kids' souls that were pushing us together. They were put, you know, we were having this- Come on, we're waiting to come in. We were having this push and pull time back then, and it was like then suddenly I you know it all happened. And ever since then, we've been on a journey, and it's been a journey of ups and downs, you know, some amazing, amazing highs, but some lows as well, you know, that we had to work through. Many more highs, but you know, we wanted we want to be honest and talk about the ups and downs of it. And you know, the good thing is we're both therapists, hypnotherapists, and you know, both got a huge amount of experience. I mean, Nick started really young as a hypnotherapist, and you know, she's brilliant at what she does, so she's got that experience, and you know, she works with different clients than me.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

We've got different areas of expertise, more for yeah, women's health and well-being. That's kind of my area. But when you've got that consciousness, when you're a therapist, you know, when you train to become a hypnotherapist or a counselor, you know, I did both, whatever it is you're training in, a lot of the course, it's not just learning the techniques, it's it's learning about yourself, isn't it? And really going on that journey of self-discovery. And when you do that, I mean you mentioned something there which um was kind of interesting, the push and the pull. And I'd say that was kind of there for actually quite a while in our relationship that coming together, running away, coming together because it's intense, it's always been uh very intense, very fiery. We're both quite fiery people as individuals, anyway. Yeah, but our relationship, there's been there's such um oh, this just like intense love that we have for each other and this intense passion that we have for each other, but the other side of that is the the fire that burns too strongly and you know burns.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

That's the shadow, that's the shadow aspect of it. You know, we've got so much light and love in this relationship, but if we're not conscious and we slip into the the shadow aspect of it, it can be like dark and you know, kind of heavy, and you know it usually comes about two egos. And it comes about the egos fighting, yeah. And so whenever we've been in that place, you know, and for the in the early days we were in that place, you know, a lot more than we are now. Yeah, you know, and so every time it came up, we would both have to step back and look at hang on, what's my part in this? What what wounds have I got that's yeah, what's that? And you know, so we were being triggered in different ways, but when we started to cast a light on those triggers, we started to take responsibility for our own parts in that. And that was where the healing started to come, and the healing has continued, and you know, I'd say now we're we're definitely you know, the relationship is getting stronger, the love we've got is stronger, strongest that it's ever been. Yeah, I never thought I could be in a relationship of you know, this kind of um intensity and love and passion and spark and everything after 10 years, because you know, my my early blueprint of a relationship was my mum and dad, and my mum and dad were always fighting, and you know, my dad was he was out, you know, lots of different women, and you know, I never saw him until I was 12. He was just never present, and you know, it was just a very, very dysfunctional relationship, you know. And as a young kid growing up, that's your blueprint, that's how you think relationships are, it's normal to you. So for me to get to this point where I'm in a loving, conscious relationship that's um, you know, respectful and all that kind of stuff, it's taken a lot of work for me to get here, you know. But I want it, you know, because the rewards are amazing to be in a relationship like this, it's it's worth the work, you know.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Yeah, and and I was quite um different, would you say this relationship was quite different and uh much more fiery than anything you'd been in before? So it was um you see, I always had something in me that just like this this wisdom, it was like just something my soul knew that our relationship was it it kind of had to be that way for the first even nine, ten years. Actually, it's really funny because since we got married, we do feel like we've shifted into this whole new energy where we're just so completely settled and um there's so much harmony. But you know, for the first nine years it it was you know, it was a process, wasn't it? Um, but there was always something in me, that's what I was gonna say. There was always something in me that knew it kind of had to be like that, and it was designed to be like that because we were just reflecting to each other what's there in us that needs to be healed, so that we can not only um help our relationship to to go higher, but it's it's us as individuals, it's such a spiritual journey to have a conscious relationship.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's a really good point because for me, when we when we used to battle a lot, you know, when we were fighting and we were firing up at each other, you know, I used to think, oh, this is just not worth it, it's too heavy, it's too, you know, we're just triggering each other.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

It was your instinct to kind of run away from that, was it? And it for me, yeah, to get away.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

You know, I don't need this and it's not easier. And you know, but the reality is once we started to uh cast a light on our own individual uh, you know, uh stuff stuff that was playing out in it and taking responsibility for that and going beyond that, you rise above all that stuff and you step into a new space, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 10:52

And you recognise it earlier. So we're always pretty good at say if we had an argument, we were always pretty good then at coming back after and talking about it without ego and then learning and seeing, okay, yeah, I can see, you know, we were just triggered, we're just you know, your inner child and my inner child, we're just battling it out.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

It was always the inner child with us. Isn't it always for me?

SPEAKER_02 11:12

Isn't it always it's just that's where the wounds are? So we were very good at we've always been very good at seeing that, but the difference is now we don't have to have the argument to see that. We're quite quick, I'd say, now, yeah, at seeing, oh, okay, yeah, that's triggered something in me.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

That's me, and I'm not gonna take it out on her, or I'm not, she's not gonna take it out on me. We we kind of come at it from that point of view now, and you know, it's it's good, you know, it's um it's a very different place, and I always think back to um to working with Richard. We had a we had a really great teacher for a while, you know, we taught me a lot about ra relationships, and um he said, you know, we'd had a particularly bad Barney one time, and we were, you know, I was on the phone to him and I was blaming Nick for this and that, and and he said, you know what? He said, I've never known a couple that are more supposed to be together than you two. And I thought, this blow's mad, he's crazy. What's he talking about? She's just done that, she's and you know, but when I stepped back and thought about it, he was saying that you know, this relationship is teaching you far more than a relationship that just goes along at an easy pace and there's no triggers, and you're very um comfortable, but there's no real depth, you know, there's maybe the shadow aspect is not being triggered, and it made me realise that yeah, the the biggest growth comes from you know, overcoming the shadow, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Yeah, and I feel like that for us is important, and it's you know, not everyone needs to be in that sort of relationship, it depends who you are, your own individual journey. And I think for us as souls, we are really here to learn and to clear, and and when you're a healer and when you're a teacher, you need to keep up with that because that's how you're authentic, isn't it? By by keeping up with that, and there is obviously a difference between being in something that's just not right, that's actually toxic, and then something that's difficult but worth it and meaningful and meant to be in that way, and also you know, being in a relationship that's not authentic or not honest, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

I know a lot of people who are together, and I've seen relationships where on the face of it they seem really solid and together, but you know there's there's deceit and there's you know cheating going on or stuff like that, you know, and and it's um you know, all that stuff is you know just going on behind the scenes and it's not authentic. So for me, I always wanted to get into this relationship that is you know is totally authentic. You know, I knew I I knew that I really needed that.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Yeah, you know, for me, I know and when you look at how much we've we've grown in the 10 years and where you were then, and also having children has has played a massive, you know, massive part of um yeah, it's of course a massive part of us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

And you know, that's a good good way to lead us on to the quote of the day for the podcast, because that's my thing. I do a quote every time, and the quote today is from Mahatma Gandhi, who I, you know, was an amazing force in the world, you know, a a man who came from a place of love and compassion, and even when he was faced with the most severe oppos opposition and he was beaten and you know, ridiculed and all the rest, he was came from a place of love, and that's why his legacy is still so big. And the quote is in a gentle way, you can shake the world.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

I love it, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

That's been a big and that's actually something I've learned from our relationship as well, because I always felt like if I had a point that I had to get across to you, I had to really, really drum it into you, you know, kind of approach it from a more you know, a harder sort of kind of more masculine energy, whereas now I've learned I can still be gentle yet firm and completely in my power. Yeah. Um, so yeah, that's that's an amazing thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

And I've learned so much from Nicola and the the feminine energy and the cycles and that kind of thing, which I I knew nothing about because you know, when I was growing up, I just saw my mum was always, you know, angry and she was very violent, and you know, I just didn't understand it. And I had two other brothers and a dad who was very chauvinistic. So I just had a really uh big misunderstanding of women and the feminine.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

So you would have seen the toxic side of the feminine because that was uh a woman who wasn't understood and didn't have anyone around who wanted to even try and understand her. So no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

So it was um so I've learned so much and uh you know from from Nick and uh you know about the feminine energy and the goddess and uh the cycles and and everything that women go through, you know, it's it's given me that opportunity. So it's been a good journey. And as as we said, you know, we're because we've done the work in the relationship, we've really gone in there and done it, we're in a great place now. And you know, one of the more most fulfilling things you can be in this world is being in a in a loving, fulfilling relationship. And I saw something really interesting the other day on I think it was on Instagram, and it was I follow a guy called Steve Jones at the Sex Pistols, and you know, I I love I used to love their music, and you know, it's really interesting to see where he's at now because he's like 60 odd and and he's living out in California and he was talking about his you know, he's never been able to have a relationship with a woman, and and he was really quite open in this interview, and he was talking about the fact that whenever he, you know, he slept around, he slept with hundreds of women, and whenever he slept with one, he just wanted to get rid of her and not see her again and not even talk to her and just cut her off and move on to the next one. And he suddenly realized, you know, he had this massive fear of intimacy, which a lot of men do. You know, I did for a long, long time. I was I was like that. I used to, you know, in my younger years I used to sleep around and I was in that same pattern. I just didn't, you know, relationships to me spelt trouble and heaviness, so I'd always cut them dead or sabotage them. And um, you know, so he he had this revelation and looking at him at 60, you know, this guy was quite sad, he'd never had kids and never been able to have a relationship, and he recognised it was to do with his childhood and the things that had happened to him, the traumas that he'd shut down. Part of him had just shut down. And you know, I'm I'm thank God, you know, I I didn't carry on that pattern. I was able to break out of it and you know, be vulnerable and and open myself up.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

And that's kind of been a big lesson for you, actually, hasn't it? You know, being being vulnerable, yes. And I think that's something that so many people don't feel comfortable with. It's it's that raw, real vulnerability.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Especially men, you know, because yeah, certainly for my generation, we had to grow up being tough, and you know, you you know, when I grew up, I grew up in a world where you've got your kudos from sleeping around. Yeah, yeah, the more women you slept with, the sort of cooler you were, and you know, it was so toxic, you know, that toxic masculine energy that I really I really dislike when I see that now in people, but you know, I also come at it from a place of compassion because I was once that unconscious and I was like that. Yeah, you know, but there's nothing more rewarding in life than opening your heart up and being vulnerable in a in a relationship and you know, and and giving yourself to the other person, you know, being loving and opening yourself up because you know it's it's great, you know, finally in a relationship that you know and I absolutely adore Nicola and and you know, we're really growing together and inspiring each other in a in so many ways.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Yeah, it's the growth something that just came to me just now as well. You know, we've been talking about the challenging times, and I guess there will be people listening who might find themselves in challenging relationships, and I imagine some people will be asking, Well, how do you know if you're in a relationship that's meant to be and that you've just got to come through the challenges for your own personal growth, or whether you're just in a toxic relationship that's done? And I always think, Well, are you growing? Are you evolving? So after the toxic moments, you know, after the arguments, are you coming back together? Are you really growing then as people and you're really learning from that and putting action because it takes action too? You can't just know what your wounds are and be aware of it. You then have to you you have to commit to whether it be therapy or whatever it might be, and we've we've both done that, you know. We mentioned Richard, who was an amazing teacher for the both of us, and he actually married us. He was the most perfect person to marry us because he knew us inside and out, he knew the reality of our relationship. It wasn't a shiny, you know, something shiny that we were putting out to the world, he knew us, um, so he was the perfect person.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

So that's a really important point that Nick's made there. You know, you it's one thing to recognise, you know, the patterns and the wounds and that kind of thing, but you've got to take action.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Yeah, and sometimes that action is actually taking time apart, you know, it hasn't been for us, but I definitely if there are wounds, then it's it's damaging to you as a person. You have to make yourself a priority, you can't stay in something just because you know, if you feel that yes, it's challenging, but it's meant to be, but you need that space. Sometimes you do, you need to actually separate for a while while you you or the other person kind of take some time to heal and sort themselves out and then see if you can come back together, yeah. It doesn't mean you have to persevere, you know, in a in a toxic relationship that's damaging your self-esteem, or you know, that's not what we're talking about. The challenges we're talking about are the ones that even if in the moments of the arguments it's it's it's not great and it becomes toxic. If you come back together and you're equally committed to growing as people for the benefit of you as an individual but your relationship too, and then the action is taken, then that's growth. Anyone can say sorry, anyone can say, Oh, it's this, I know this. But if we don't do anything about it, we're gonna just repeat the old patterns, and then we're more than allowed to say, This is not for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

And and one of the ways we did that, you know, we took action for us, you know, like Nick said, you can sometimes separate out for a while and you know, yeah, work on your own stuff. But for us, you know, we we sought help from you know some very wise, conscious people. And and for me, that was a big help, you know, it really helped me because we. Connected with a guy called Richard, who's a very wise guy, and he's very you know connected to the the feminine goddess divine energy. And you know, I always looked at guys like that as a bit weak when I was younger, you know. I never understood that. I just thought anyone who was into that feminine crap, there must be a wuss. Do you know what I mean? That's what that's where I used to come from, you know. But I now recognise that as a strength because it's very yeah, it's very whole and complete, the masculine and the feminine. So I'm not afraid of that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

It's a dance, it's a dance between the two. And actually, for us, there was way too much masculine relationship in the beginning because it was not only you, it was it was me. I felt that to be powerful and to be seen by Glenn as a woman who is um you know powerful and in like in her power, I should say. I had to be very like bulgy, yeah, um, and and fiery and and feisty.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

And she was, I can tell you. Smashed me around a few times. I've still got the scars. No, but it it you know, we we learn we learn so much from all that, didn't we? Exactly. You know, and it is, you know, if you do the work, it's like with anything, it's not just relationships. When you do that inner work, the rewards come later. It's that delayed gratification thing that I often talk about.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

And if you're if you know, if you're not in a relationship and you want to be in a relationship and you're very uh committed and devoted to you know being in a in a conscious relationship, you know, the work you do before the work I was doing on myself before I met Glenn and the work Glenn was doing on himself before he met me, it all came into our relationship. And then we continued that journey together.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

I think never more when you do um affirmation work and you know the law of attraction and you want to attract the perfect partner, I think it's the most powerful part of the law of attraction or the or the thing that you can manifest the most easily because I think we're you know we're designed to be in relationships and partnerships, and you know, because there's so much growth in that an opportunity for growth, and so I think of relationships as well, yeah. So I think when you do that work, you know, you're projecting out, you know, I want to meet the right persons, and I always say to people, look, think about what you want. You want someone that you're is gonna nurture you, you're gonna nurture them, you're gonna be in this loving space.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

How you want to feel because the thing is we can have a list, and I had a list, I didn't actually write a list, but you know, I had a really good idea as to what I wanted in a husband, and um, you know, we can have all the different how we want them to look, how we want them to be, what we want them to do, and all of that, but ultimately what we're searching for is someone who makes us feel good, you know. You want to feel good in that relationship, and actually, I read a book, it was like about three, four years before I met Glenn. So again, I was really young, so I kind of I I was on this journey really young, and I read an amazing book called Let Love Find You, and it it's by oh, is it John Selby or To yeah, John Selby, and um it was an amazing book that was about uh healing yourself, letting go of that codependency, that need for someone else, but just becoming whole and complete in yourself and allowing that energy from your heart, you know, it had like that spiritual aspect. So there were meditations in the book about imagining that energy from your heart projecting out into the universe to connect that person you know you're supposed to be with.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

And um, but again, that was very much about healing yourself before meeting someone else, you know, not healing completely, obviously, you grow together, but just going into the relationship with the right intention, the right intention and and projecting that intention out so that you know you do meet the right person who's gonna help you grow as a soul.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

And you recognise when they're not the right person, yeah, and your intuition is very deeply aligned with your soul path so that you know when you meet someone.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Yeah, and also having an an openness to um, you know, sometimes you you have relationships and they're not relationships that are designed to last forever. Yeah, you know, they can be relationships that do, you know. I've actually had relationships in the past that have been, you know, really great relationships, but they haven't uh meant to necessarily last the whole the whole way, you know. It's they've I've grown in those relationships at that time, but it's been uh for a period of time and you know so give you something that you need to do. Yeah, it's also good to have that awareness because you know the the church will tell you, oh you m once you're married, that's it, you've banged together. And the older generation always used to do that, they used to stay together through thick and thin, and you know, never divorce, it was never an option to divorce, was it, or split up. But you know, you have to also be kind of mindful of that. That sometimes relationships run for a certain length of time and then they're they've finished completed their contract.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

You know, I believe in just me personally, and I know Glenn, you believe the same, but sole contracts. So you know, before we come into this world, we make a contract. So you and I, Glenn, would have made a contract to be together, to birth our children, um, and to yeah, to to fulfil certain things, and that's another thing, you know, with our age gap, I feel like you needed to incarnate into this world that you know, 25-26 years before me, because there were things that you needed to experience. And if you look at your past serious relationships, they were amazing women who really nurtured you. Um, I'd say, you know, I don't know what you know, yeah. I'm sure you agree, but you know, who were who were so nurturing so that when you met me, there was healing that had been done, enough healing had been done on that, you know, the inner child part of you, if you like, to enable you to have a more fiery, challenging relationship, but be able to stick in it. Yeah, because I wouldn't have lasted. You'd have run away from that.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

I'd have run away from that 20 years because I just couldn't handle that kind of volatility.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

It was almost like your biggest fear, in a way, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Yeah, if ever I met a volatile sort of woman, I'd I'd be off, you know, because that that was my mum. You know, I had a I had 20 years of that almost with my mum, you know, and I didn't want that to happen again, you know. So it was that was the thing that used to frighten me, you know. But yeah, you know, we've come into this at the right time and you know, grown and healed a lot of wounds.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

And can I ask you a question, actually? Has has been with me enabled you to see your mum, the relationship with your mum or your mum as a person differently? Would you say that being in a relationship with me has healed stuff inside of you with your mum or developed or a greater understanding of what was really going on or something?

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Yeah, without saying without a shadow of a doubt, because you know, I had that um, you know, extremely volatile relationship with my mum, and it was a wound that I was carrying around for a long time, and I just like I said, I didn't understand women, I just thought, you know, they're angry, moody, and and um, because that was my experience. So being in this relationship with Nick and and going through some of those experiences again, certainly in the early part of it, it enabled me to look at my own wounds and draw them up to the surface and and heal them. And so, yeah, and also see my you know, I I now have so much compassion and sympathy for my mum, what she went through. Whereas I didn't before that, you know. I saw that my mum was, you know, my mum was very angry from her own childhood, from her own wounds, and she had three like feisty boys in the 60s, um, and an absent husband, she was on her own all the time, and you know, she just couldn't she just couldn't cope.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

She just what you've said as well, you know, postnatal depressions, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Massively, so and so I I have so much sympathy and understanding from my mum that has come from being in this relationship and doing my own healing that I didn't have before, I didn't have that awareness. And um, you know, bless her heart. She was she was a really good woman, you know. I sometimes talked about the battles, but she was an amazing woman.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

She was very it's never black and white, is it?

SPEAKER_00 30:24

It's never black and white, but she just had so many wounds from her own childhood that she carried forward, you know, with no consciousness really, because she didn't have that time to develop herself and and no support, really. And no support. And I did make my peace with her, you know, she passed away in 2007, and before that time I'd become a therapist and a healer, and you know, so I'd helped her a bit, and um, and she used to come to meditation groups with me and my wife at the time, and she started to heal a lot of her own stuff, so it was a good you know, before she died, we'd we'd done a lot of healing, so I'm I was always pleased about that.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

But you know, everyone's on a journey, and we're all trying to make sense of life and this is why you know I think that the more you know yourself, you know, from for me, what's you know, how I kind of see what's happened in our relationship as well, the more I've come to know and understand myself as a woman, as a cyclical woman. When you like for me, when I know that, it's almost like I demand from you that understanding, but it's not a demand that's like you must, you know, you must understand me. And uh, it's just something in me that that's for me what it means to be in your power. I know myself, I respect myself, I respect my cycles, and that that needs to, you know, be nurtured or understood, and it almost just creates this. Um I guess what I'm trying to say is the more self-esteem, respect you've got, and love you've got for yourself, you'll naturally attract that because if it's not there, you love yourself too much to say in something. So that's kind of what we've done, I feel for each other. We've demanded more, but not in an ego, you know, ego way of demanding more. It's just the more space that's there for love for ourselves, it's our relationship has to kind of match that, doesn't it? Really, it has to come up again.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

It really does, and um you know, and that's the learning process in the relationship, isn't it? And you know, I now, you know, I'm starting to really understand Nick and what she's going through, you know, the cycles that she she experiences, and yeah, it's given me a real understanding of that, you know, and um yeah, if I'd have had that when I was growing up as a kid, I wouldn't, you know, I'd have been a much better kid and probably wouldn't have had half the battles and conflicts with my mum. So yeah, it's that understanding, isn't it, and that awareness.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

And um and you you've kind of taught me, I've learned from you that responsibility that a lot of men feel to provide, especially since we've had the children and that kind of um that more masculine energy in our relationship, and how it's important that you know that I appreciate that in you as well. I think when we we are in our most harmonious place when we both feel that our individual roles and what we bring to the relationship is very much respected, honoured, and appreciated.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

And I think it really is now, isn't it? We do that a lot. We've learned that from all the you know the work we do.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

Challenges, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

And so, yeah, to round up, you know, I think that's the key to it, is it's you know, um, you know, really doing that work again, that inner work on the relationship and and putting in that effort to, you know, reap the reward and having that higher consciousness relationship. And you know, I can honestly say it's you know, it's it's so good to be in a relationship like that. Yeah. Um, because you know, I've been I've had periods where I've been single and you know, and um you know, very chaotic times and you know, but all over the place. So to be in something solid and stable where you're nurturing each other and you're you know helping each other and you've got a lot a lot of love in the relationship, it's it's a great place to be.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Excitement and adventure. I feel like it's so important equally to us that we're always growing, that our life is in adventure.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

So yeah, that's an important part, yeah, to be really growing in the relationship together. Because if you yeah, if you don't grow, then you sort of it's easy to get stale and stagnant, but we are in a great place where we're doing that. So that's a really nice place to end. So thank you to everyone for listening. And do remember to share this podcast and leave your comments below because it does help the profile of it. And I will see you again next week for another podcast. So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Take care.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Bye.