Finding Love and Understanding Relationships with Dave Elliott

In this enlightening episode, Gavin McGahey sits down with relationship expert, Dave Elliott, to discuss the intricacies of love, relationships, and personal growth. 

Dive into the transformative power of vulnerability, the importance of self-awareness, and the journey of finding love.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 - Introduction to Dave Elliott and his journey into relationship coaching.
• 02:15 - The role of masculine and feminine energies in relationships.
• 05:20 - Dave's books: "Same Shit, Different Date" and its relevance in today's dating world.
• 09:30 - The concept of abandonment in relationships and its various manifestations.
• 14:45 - The transformative power of vulnerability.
• 19:00 - The importance of self-awareness and self-expression in relationships.
• 23:40 - The impact of breathwork coaching on emotional release and personal growth.
• 28:20 - The significance of truth, authenticity, and vulnerability in personal and professional life.
• 32:00 - Dave's perspective on challenges and their role in personal growth.
• 36:30 - The "Second Date Formula" and the power of positive reinforcement in dating.
• 40:50 - How to contact Dave Elliott and learn more about his work.
• 43:00 - Gavin's final thoughts and the importance of making a world-famous difference.

Key Takeaways:

1. Understanding Masculine and Feminine Energies: Dave sheds light on the dynamics of these energies and how they play a pivotal role in relationships.
2. The Power of Vulnerability: Both Gavin and Dave emphasize the transformative nature of vulnerability and its role in deepening connections.
3. Challenges as Messengers: Dave's perspective on viewing challenges as messengers that come to serve and teach is a refreshing take on personal growth.
4. The "Second Date Formula": Dave's unique approach to dating that focuses on positivity and leaving a lasting impression.

Connect with Dave Elliott:

• Website: legendaryloveforlife.com

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of 100 Breaths with Gavin McGahey. If you enjoyed this conversation, please make sure to like, subscribe, and share the podcast with your friends and family. We would also appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a review, as it helps us reach more people and create a positive impact in their lives. Your support is essential in our mission to empower and inspire our listeners through meaningful conversations.

Until next time, stay mindful, and keep spreading the ripple effect of positivity.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):

Welcome everyone to 100 Breaths, the podcast with Gavin McGahey. Open raw and empowered conversations that can help everyday people to learn techniques to deal with the challenges of everyday life. And just like most of us out there, I am continually processing the daily challenges that life and business throws at us. So I welcome you to ride with me on this journey of discovery and personal development. Today we have a special guest and we'd like to welcome Dave Elliot. Dave Elliot is a relationship expert when it comes to relationship transformation. Dave Elliot is a noted, expert, author, international speaker, podcast host, and an accomplished coach. Dave gets results for his clients all over the world while he works with both couples and singles. He's especially gifted at teaching smart, amazing women how to bring out the very best in men rather than suffering through their worst. So let's get right to it and welcome Dave Elliot.

Speaker 2 (01:09):

Thank you so much. It's really great to be here.

Speaker 1 (01:12):

Now I'm really curious. We've got an American on Australian soil, so tell me about that. How did that happen?

Speaker 2 (01:20):

Well, I've come back. I am currently a permanent resident, so I got married here in 2014. My wife is Australian. We got married here, settled down. We got married in 2014, around in 2016. I had to go back because my dad was not well, and my dad has passed away since then. And we were coming back to get the citizenship here and we came back more than a year ago now, just like 14 months ago. So we need to be here a few months before you can apply for this actual citizenship. And it's a privilege and an honor to be here. I love it here. I love the culture, I love the weather, certainly. I really like it here and it's great. So of course miss Home as well too. I've got family there as well, but we've got family here, so it's literally the best of both worlds.

Speaker 1 (02:17):

Awesome. I'm glad that you're enjoying our culture and our laid back way of life, although

Speaker 2 (02:22):

Absolutely,

Speaker 1 (02:22):

We were just having a little conversation then about the brown snakes that have been hanging around our local beach, so that seems to have put the wind up you a little bit.

Speaker 2 (02:31):

It takes a little getting used too, but yeah, I'm okay with it.

Speaker 1 (02:35):

Good stuff. How would you like to share a little bit about your life, a little bit about you growing up as a young boy and what did your parents stand for?

Speaker 2 (02:46):

Well, that's a great question. So I was adopted at birth about three months after. So I was raised in the Baltimore area, Maryland, u s a East Coast, about 45 minutes from Washington dc three hours from New York in that area. And it was, what did my parents stand for? My dad was a steel worker when that was still a thing. The US steel industry has been really hit pretty hard. Again, he's passed now. He retired as a steel worker. He was one of the last of that breed who worked for a firm his entire career and retired from there. And my mom worked from home. She was a medical transcriptionist. So I guess I had a pretty average middle class life upbringing and it was pretty good. But as you might expect, being a child who was adopted every now and again, there were some areas where I sometimes felt like I didn't quite fit in.

(03:59)
And I think that's a little bit about what sort of seeded this desire in me to, I mean, kind of created a little bit of a pleaser in me and someone who was good at building relationships and making sure that people liked me. I became pretty good at using influence, I guess I had a lot of friends outside my home and in a lot of different areas, so that's still one thing. A lot of my friends would sort of be pigeonholed in one group, but I would have friends in this group, in this group, in this group. And so I kind of fit into all, but wasn't I guess a core member of any in some respects,

Speaker 1 (04:45):

If

Speaker 2 (04:45):

That makes sense. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (04:46):

Yeah. So at what age were you when you started to have some of these feelings of that you didn't quite fit in?

Speaker 2 (04:57):

I remember it's a lot. My parents were really open about the adoption. They showed me the papers and stuff and they told me the story, but there were certain, my mom's a little critical, and so that's where I kind of developed some of those pleaser aspects. At the same time though, I would say there was a part of me that was a little bit, I've come to learn later on, it's called passive aggressive, where it's like I would say I was going to complain like, oh yeah, I'll do that and then just ignore it and do my own thing. So I kind of had a mind of my own as well. And that travels with you. It's kind of a learned response. And actually it's something that I kind of has some aspects in my second book writing that understanding that a lot of your childhood wounds really serve to create the matrix from which we lays the groundwork, it develops our habits and skills and awarenesses and beliefs, and they travel with you and they affect you

Speaker 1 (06:02):

Over

Speaker 2 (06:02):

Time.

Speaker 1 (06:03):

And it's those beliefs and conditionings and it's all comes about through repetition. And as we're growing up, we were unaware of the repetition. We're just in it. And that's what's actually then becoming our program. So our subconscious mind is then it's writing its own software and it's being reinforced every day with this pattern, with this pattern, with this pattern, with this belief. And then along with the beliefs are the values. And at that stage in our lives, we are unaware of what a value is and what they mean. But our values are being actually created for us within that repetitive subconscious programming that we go through as a young child into our teens. And so in the work that I do now in the wellness field, it's about helping people tap into their subconscious mind to be able to let go of some of that really deep stored trauma that the nervous system hangs onto

(07:04)
To be able to say, well, let me release this. And because I keep living in my past where I need to be creating my future now and stepping into the feelings of the future right now. And so I would not know what that would've felt like for you because I was in a childhood where my parents were well together, one of four siblings. So my dad would go off to work at five o'clock and come home, and then quite often he'd go out for a second job in the nighttime packing shelves to earn more money to put food on the table to mum staying at home, raising four kids. And then every now and again, we'd see dad, he'd take us to soccer, but they were doing the best they could do and the conditions that they had and learning from the upbringing that they had. And there is things like relational trauma and ancestral trauma that gets carried through. And if we can unpack some of that trauma out of ourselves, we can actually then learn how to coach and guide the youth that's coming through today to just live in the now, live in presence, live in joy, live in fulfillment, as opposed to let 'em know that you aren't your thoughts. It's okay to have your thoughts, but you aren't your thoughts. So how can we just say, acknowledge the thought, and then move on and move through it?

Speaker 2 (08:38):

I think it's so incredibly important to just do the work, to sort of dig in and have this sort of intelligent inquiry into why we think what we do, why we believe what we do, why we act as we do, and just sort of sit back and have an examined. I really think that it creates a great deal of just peace and just satisfaction. I think that, and sometimes it's really hard because it's so close and so it's unconscious. It's this repetitious behavior that you've done for so long, you don't know you're doing it. And so I've been doing personal development for goodness about 20 years now, something give or take. And I mean, there were things I still discover about myself now, and it's just profound, just a level of the onion. You're just constantly learning and discovering new things. And I don't think the work really ends. I mean, you're still learning and growing. It's changes over time and it's so worth it to do it.

Speaker 1 (09:45):

Yeah, it definitely is. And what would you say would be one of your fondest childhood memories?

Speaker 2 (09:53):

Fondest childhood memories. My parents, when, I guess I was around 10, around 10 in that area, late elementary into junior high, middle school, my parents got a pop-up camper and they would take us in summer around on camping trips and went to the World's Fair one year and just different events like that. And we'd go to beaches and campgrounds in the forest and mountains of the us. We traveled, we went to Canada one year. And so I had a lot of great memories of that fun times with my family just on vacation. And my dad also was, he only had one job, but he worked shift work, so sometimes he would do four to 12, he would do late night and then he would do an overnight and then he would do eight to four. So he had, again, steel mill. And so he was often not there. My mom was the main person looking after the kids, so that was an opportunity for him to be around the whole time and just enjoy those things. Mostly good memories. Three kids cramped in a car too, was some not so close memories of that, I suppose, too. But it was mostly a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (11:21):

Yeah, I remember with my family, dad decided that he would do up this F one 50 truck and put a back on it, and he put some seating in the back of it and hooked a caravan on it. And then next minute I knew we were off on a trip around Australia and we had, I'm pretty sure I was about 10 at that stage, 10 or 11. And we, myself and my brothers and sisters used to sit in the back of the F one 50, not in seat belts or anything because we were just sitting in these seats that dad had just made and bolted into it. And off we went and we had a lot of fun, and then we had some breakdowns. And then I used to see, I saw dad losing his shit when he couldn't get a wheel nut off that truck when we're on the side of a highway out the middle of nowhere, and he's throwing a tantrum, like a little two year old. And I remember, wow, this isn't the fun that I thought we were going to have dad, right? But we stopped in at some places and we did some fun things, but that was all part of the journey. So thank you for sharing that, Dave. And I want to start by discussing your journey a little bit later in life. And you mentioned that your own painful divorce was a driving force behind your work. So could you just share with us the specific challenges you faced during that time and how it led you to embark on your path as a relationship coach?

Speaker 2 (12:54):

Sure. Yeah, I mean, it was foundational. It's one of those things where in hindsight, you kind of look back and you see what was once my, this huge challenge and huge problem was actually grace actually, as you might expect. I didn't go into marriage and having a child, by the way too, when I got divorced, my daughter was five. And I felt like such failure because that's not what I wanted to go into it for. And so having to deal with all those thoughts of guilt, shame, and trying to do the best I could to be a parent with my daughter, going back and forth between two different places, and it was just tough. I had a lot of feelings of just feeling bad about myself because, and actually I felt worse for her to be really honest. Men can, I guess we learn to be stoic and suck it up kind of thing.

(13:52)
I felt bad for what I had kind of created for her inadvertently. So I had to deal with that. I mean, that's the one thing I wanted to be good at. I wanted to be a great dad. My daughter's amazing and so tight and close with her. It was awesome. And I just felt like I had really ultimately let her down. I made her life a lot more difficult by going back and forth. And so that kind of coming out of that you kind of deal make with yourself and you're like, well, I don't want that to ever happen again. I really need to learn something about this relationship thing. I don't want to ever want to fail again. And one day I was in my boss's office and he had a book on his desk called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And I was like, what is this?

(14:42)
And he was talking about it and he said, welcome to borrow it if you want to. And Dr. Steven Covey is the writer. And I opened that book up and I read it in just a couple of days. And for me, it seemed like the wisdom of the universe packed into a few hundred pages. He was just such a really wise man and just learning all about this. It was my first foray into personal development really. And I just thought it was profound game shifter. And from there I sort of got into other things, but I knew obviously that relationships was the area that I really wanted to focus on. And Stephen Covey is really all about having great relationships with people and living in integrity and conducting yourself with a great degree of character. And it just appealed to me. So I love the book. And when I found out that he had passed, it was kind kind of touching because I never knew him, never met him, but kind of meant a lot to me. He discovered his book at a really kind of pivotal time.

Speaker 1 (15:56):

It's quite interesting how some of these things just seem to unfold in front of you when they're needed, but that's the way the universe works. It's

Speaker 2 (16:05):

Grace.

Speaker 1 (16:05):

If we put the thought into what we're feeding out into the universe as a thought, and then boom, before we know it, there's a book that's landed, Hey, what's that book about? And you obviously saw that as a pivotal point in your life to have a bit more introspection on yourself and then be able to say, well, I want to be able to grow through this and then be able to help people through this as well. And so that was really interesting. And look, I've been on that divorce journey as well, and mine was quite deep. And my first wife and I were married for 32 years and two children, two beautiful kids. And that was difficult to go through that. And I hit some really low points and had to hit rock bottom before I could then start to come back out again. And it would've been interesting for us back then in myself, and I openly disclosed this, I was just stuck in my ego.

(17:11)
We were married very young, 21. I was still a kid as far as I'm concerned. I was not ready for marriage, but I was married and I lost my way along the way. And then I didn't really understand how to communicate properly and how to say what I was feeling and feel what I was feeling, and without then creating emotional turmoil on the other side. And so it was all the living below the line of blame, excuse, denial instead of ownership, accountability and responsibility. And so it was very, I can look back on all of that now and see just exactly how it all unfolded. And let's talk about your role before you became a relationship coach. You were actually an award-winning ad man and then moved into being a relationship coach. And were there any unexpected lessons or insights from your advertising career that you found valuable in your relationship coaching career?

Speaker 2 (18:25):

There was definitely some overlap. There's some core skills, baseline skills, creativity is my number one skill. I've done this assessment to understand your five top strengths, and my number one strength is creativity. So I'm a very good writer and pretty decent artist. I also did video and audio production, producing, hiring, talent for commercials, things like that. When I was, I never really necessarily thought I was going to write a book. And now I've written a few and I've created a bunch of content. I've created some methodologies that I think were helpful. And again, it's used my creativity. So I would be learning about things, reading these other books and going to seminars and learning stuff. And it didn't sit well with me to just regurgitate other people's content. So I wanted to somehow kind make it my own. So I would take things and kind of personalize it and kind of create it. And I give credit to the people who initiated it originally, but I've got my spin on it, which is similar but a little different.

(19:37)
And so it allowed me to create content that I think is interesting, attention, getting effective, actionable. I try to make it as good as I can because as an ad person, your job is to get someone's attention, call them to action, get 'em to do something, get 'em to make a purchase, get 'em to sign up for something. And if you don't do those things, you failed essentially. So I like to think that the stuff that I do is kind of, it's approachable to people, intriguing holds their attention and gets hopefully through to it. So the creativity, I still use it every day in my coaching. A lot of times they all talk about change. It takes a long time to change. It does. But it also, it's like that when a new idea is presented, it's like, oh, I never looked at it that way. And now just a change of awareness shifts everything. So I'm always using creativity. And I think about, I never had a job where I had to sell per se, but the truth of the matter is if you don't know how to talk to people, have a conversation about what you do and how you can help them, you'll be the best loneliest coach with nothing to do. Right?

(20:55)
So I've been able to get pretty good at that too, but I don't ever think of it as selling. I just am really present with people and communicating,

Speaker 1 (21:05):

Communicating,

Speaker 2 (21:05):

Talking about what I do. So things like that. And then I guess one of the books I wrote was about how to write a really effective dating profile, which is literally just taking what I used to do with branding principles and how to brand yourself essentially. So because I'd see people doing, they would put up a dating profile and they'd say, man, it's just not going very well. And I'd say, well, let me see what you're doing, send it to me. And I would look at it, I'm like, well, of course. And that's when I was inspired to write the book about how to brand yourself and speak to people in a way that lights up possibility, aspiration, and inspiration essentially too. Rather than just, I'm this and you need to be that,

Speaker 1 (21:54):

Which

Speaker 2 (21:54):

Is just boring and doesn't, not attention getting, especially not when you're being compared to 300 other people who live within five mile radius of you. So it's like you got to stand out from the crowd rather than blend in.

Speaker 1 (22:10):

Yeah, yeah. It sounds like a bit of that conditional love type of thing, isn't it? I can date you on these conditions

Speaker 2 (22:20):

And we wonder why they're not getting any takers.

Speaker 1 (22:24):

Yeah, exactly. Hey, let's talk about one of your proprietary systems, and it was called the H U G hug and the K I S S kiss

Speaker 2 (22:34):

Hugging kiss hierarchy

Speaker 1 (22:36):

Hierarchy. And that focuses on unlocking love and attraction strategies. So how did you develop this system? And can you share how it has transformed relationships, either your own or any example for your clients?

Speaker 2 (22:52):

Yes. So that's a great example of what I was just saying about product innovation based on someone else's work. So there's an author named Dr. Gary Chapman who wrote a book called The Five Love

Speaker 1 (23:03):

Languages. Love Languages.

Speaker 2 (23:04):

So I would refer to that book when I was on the phone with people that I was helping. And I had this thing where I'd always get the four of 'em and I would forget the fifth one, and I would be looking for a little prompt. And I was like, there's got to be a better way to do this. Nobody wants to look like you don't have mastery of your

Speaker 1 (23:23):

Topic. Yes, your craft. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:25):

So I created Hug and Kiss, which is an acronym which allows me to, it gives me a little prompt. So basically I turned is physical touch into human touch. The H in the U is unselfish service rather than acts of service.

(23:40)
And the G gives some presents, same as his K is kind words and affirmation. And I added two of them too because obviously hug and kiss has seven and there's only five and is, so I added a couple of different ones, and because I had seen them become kind of pivotal in the work I've done over the years, I've had people who've say the ones I added were their number one their go-to. So they're really important. So speaking of that, the I is important priority. Some people just need to feel like they're important, special, and you call up your partner and you say, look, oh, my car broke down, or it's not starting. And they're like, don't do anything. I'll be right there. Or they listen intently or they make you just a priority in some ways, for some people that, especially people who didn't have that, that's the thing.

(24:33)
That's when they know like, oh wow, I feel so loved and taken care of. So important priority is when he doesn't talk about, and then the S is special moments, which he talks about, what's he call it now? Say I'm going backwards, special quality time together. And the other Ss that I added is soul connection. And for that I think is very important. Soul connection is about that, just that feeling so totally understood. You kind of finish each other's sentences kind of very much on the same wavelength. And then also it's about elements of sexuality, sensuality, and that kind of thing. For some people that's very important. Dr. Chapman is a minister, and so he didn't really talk about that aspect of it. So I included it. I thought it was important, an important element to add. And so again, that's an example where that acronym helped me to focus it. And in terms of your question, I'm like, how does it change? Well, the thing is, Dr. Chapman's book is all written on the whole basis of if you are loving someone the way you want to be loved, if you're a physical touch person and you're in love with a acts of service person and they might kind of experience you as handsy or

(25:56)
Being pawing all over them and they might not like it because you're not meeting them, you're not understanding, it's basically understanding the combination on their love vault, essentially. It's like, and I give you an assessment where you do your first human touch and then words of affirmation or kind words, and it gives you literally the combination. So when you have the combination on the vault, it's your vault. You can crack it open anytime you want. So it's important to understand your own love language first and foremost, but also understanding the partner if you want to commit to understanding them and having a relationship that thrives and goes deeper long into the future, you have to understand what's important to them. And it is absolutely transformational when you understand that some people are not being loved the way they need to be loved.

Speaker 1 (26:46):

Yeah, I can relate to that because I've read the five love languages quite a few times, and I also have it on my audible, and it's taken me a bit of time to understand and step into my partner's love languages because where one of mine is acts of service,

(27:06)
Well, if I then promote my acts of service onto my partner, Melissa, when her love language is touch and gifts and not gifts in the way of car and boat and house and whatever, but just gifts in the way of a little card written out saying, have a nice day, or bring home a bunch of flowers or, so if I'm stepping, if I'm doing acts of service for her and I'm thinking, well, why isn't she acknowledging this and why isn't she respecting me for this and why isn't she loving me back for this? It's because I'm not meeting her love language. So it's, come on, you've done the work, meet the love language. That's your love language, not her love language. So it is about, once again, repetition program, do the work, do the work, do the work, do the work and step into it. And

Speaker 2 (28:09):

In addition to repetition, here's a little tip, I've actually turned it into ritual.

Speaker 1 (28:16):

Ritual,

Speaker 2 (28:17):

Understanding what my wife's says, because good intentions, they say with good intentions kind of pave the way to troubled places. But ritual basically kind of makes sure that it happens. So for instance, my wife's is special moments. She's a talker and she likes to connect. So at the end of the day before she goes to bed, we do gratitudes. We started as like, what's three great things that happened today? And we just have that conversation and we focus on gratitude. And somewhere along the way, I think we got luckier and more grateful and have more good things happen because we focus on it every day. And she doesn't go to bed unless we talk about our gratitudes. And then we moved it up to five. And so now every night, what are your gratitudes? She's ready to go to bed. And we talk about this happened today and this was great.

(29:07)
I'm really happy about this. I'm excited about that. This looks good. Just basically it's a rundown and sometimes it's top of mind. It's like, oh, I got this, this, this, this. And then sometimes it's like, let me think, how about this one too? But again, it's just the act of focus or focus goes, energy flows. So if you were not going to bed until we think of five great things. So it's really good. I think it's transformed our lives in a great way. We always have that quality time. Nobody goes to bed until that happens. And so rituals do the work where good intentions.

Speaker 1 (29:50):

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for that. I love your gratitude because in my book, the little book of noticing, one of my stories in that is a story called to gifts, and the ant stands for another negative thought shows. And the gifts stands for gratitude in frigging things small. So every night, and I coach people on this as well, because 80% of people, they'll hit the pillow, boom, all those ants start crawling all over 'em, all the things that could have should have whatever they just bang compounded them, they go from black ants to bull ants to green ants to fire ants. So I coach them on, we want to pick off all of these ants and put 'em in a jar beside the bed. And then we want to start seeing ourselves being smothered in gifts

Speaker 2 (30:44):

And

Speaker 1 (30:45):

The gratitude in frigging things small. So grateful for my parents still being alive, grateful that I could call in and see them, grateful for the meal that my partner cooked tonight, grateful that my kids are healthy, grateful that I could help this person out, grateful that I've still got good health in myself, grateful that I'm grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful. And before you know it, you've gone off to sleep, but you've gone off to sleep with a subconscious program of love, joy, peace, happiness, and a myriad of all other things grandiose.

Speaker 2 (31:17):

It's a great place to end the day, A

Speaker 1 (31:19):

Good way to set yourself up for the next day.

Speaker 2 (31:21):

And I'm grateful that I just met another member in good standing of the acronym club, so

Speaker 1 (31:25):

That's good. Yeah, definitely. That's good. Yeah, they come in handy for sure they do. So now you specialize in helping women understand men better. Can you share some insights into how this understanding can lead to healthier connections and more fulfilling relationships drawing from both your personal journey and your coaching experiences?

Speaker 2 (31:47):

Yeah, absolutely. Again, when you talk about mentors, another person I learned a great deal from is a woman called Alison Armstrong and her business called man.com. And she was really great about teaching the differences, the similarities, the contrast between masculine energy, feminine energy, where we're kind of great together and where we get at odds with one another because we're total opposites. The polarity, polar opposites and polarity is what it takes for a good relationship. But sometimes what we don't understand, we misjudge and we make wrong. And so look, that became an important part of my learning because nobody was teaching me that just growing up where I did. And it was kind of revolutionary, I think, to understand and not vilify for a man who's sort of logical, analytical, problem solving, single focused, it's very different to have someone who's more in their feminine energy at that time who was not analytical.

(33:05)
It's all about feelings and emotion, and it might not be true. It's just the way they feel at this moment. And it can be fleeting and it could change in two seconds, or it could be that way tomorrow. You never know. So it's just a different way of thinking, but also, I mean it really does. It's really the combination of the two that gives life all its richness and all its greatness. I created a thing when I was starting out a long time ago, I basically just said it one time on a telephone call. It was kind of reaching for a metaphor to explain something to someone. And I said, it's kind of like a coloring book. You go out and you get a brand new coloring book, and it's cartoon picture, it's got line drawings, and it's clear and it's simple, exactly what it is.

(33:51)
It's Mickey Mouse or whatever. But you know what the downside of that is with that brand new coloring book, it's just a flat emotionless, colorless, textless, tonality, shading, less simple, one-dimensional flat existence. You know what it is, but it's kind of boring. Well, that's sort of the essence of masculinity. It's got the outlines, it holds it all together. It's complete. It's not missing anything, but it's a little flat. And then if you think about feminine energy is the wash of color. It goes all over it, and sometimes it's bright, lovely rainbow colors, and then sometimes it's like dark crazy colors, sometimes coloring outside the line sometimes. And it's like, hmm, that's interesting. But it brings the personality, it brings the flavor to it, it brings the color, the wash, the tonality, the texture, the depth. It just takes something that's flat and it brings it to life in a really different way. And I think when people are at odds, they sort of judge what is and sort of make it wrong or what it appears to be to them.

(35:00)
And again, when you kind of look at it like, oh, one's no better than the other, absolutely not. They're both great and they're better together and men left to their own existence will probably work too much, do too little fun, joyful things. And I think that's really when you understand that femininity is not an oppressor that you just don't understand and is a problem, but it actually, it's a bringer of just so many good things. And so it's just a way of looking at it that's different. So by helping people understand that and have a new relationship to that idea, it takes on a different understanding. When you don't see someone and it's like, Ugh, I'm never going to be able to please her, or he never talks to me.

Speaker 1 (35:57):

It

Speaker 2 (35:57):

Is not the same when you say he will talk, there's ways to do it. There's an approach you can get him to open up, and there's a methodology and it's not happenstance. There is, there's a reason and a purpose for it, and it all makes sense. And when you understand it, you can call out the best of it with someone who wants to.

Speaker 1 (36:21):

Yeah, I know from my own past experiences, there's a degree of men that we refer to as cave dwellers. We like to run and hide in the cave, and we only stick our head out when we feel it's a little bit safe to do so otherwise we know we're going to get it chopped off. And so instead of us being in the situation and confronting it for what it is and being able to learn the skills to work with it and through it to then be able to bring you closer, it's something that a lot of men could do with that toolkit to be able to help them.

Speaker 2 (37:04):

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (37:05):

And then to also be able to help women understand how to work with men at the way that they function is if we can combine both of them, and obviously that's what you do in your work, that's how we can develop and mold and grow a relationship. And I love the way you express that with the coloring in book. And we're the flat Mickey Mouse there and the partner comes along with all the color and colors us in and sometimes they get outside out of our lines that can rattle us a little bit.

Speaker 2 (37:40):

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (37:41):

So it's a matter of, well, hey, can you just get that rubber and just rub that little bit off that edge there and I'll be a bit more comfortable.

Speaker 2 (37:50):

And that's why I tend to work more with women. Again, you understand that thing about masculine energy left to their own devices. They'll ignore things, they'll push it down, they'll just work more and they won't address things. Whereas feminine energy, because there's emotion created to it, they're like, I just want to fix this. It's too painful. I don't want to keep doing it. And so I was like, well, why do I want to fight a battle of a pill? I'm going to help the people that are more willing to go get help. Now, I love working with the guys too, but I don't try to work uphill trying to convince someone who doesn't really think they really should fix it anyway. It's not the right time or for whatever reason, they don't prioritize it quite as much. When the way men oftentimes come is when their partner says, you better fix this, or I'm out and you're about to lose half your stuff.

(38:48)
And all of a sudden it focuses the mind and then they realize they kind of like talking to me because I'm like, look, Brenda, let me just help you. I'm going to tell you how to win the game here. Can I give you the tip sheet here? Can I give you the shortcuts? Can I give you the cheat code? Not cheat codes, but you know what I mean? Can I give you the hints that are going to help make a big difference for you? And they love that approach. Usually I'm on their side, I want 'em to win really, it's kind of funny, but I say I want to create more peace, love, and understanding in the world, whatever that looks like. I don't believe that every couple needs to stay together. In fact, some of 'em have no business together, but I give my best to help 'em get beyond what's getting 'em stuck so that they can move towards more peace, joy, and love, and maybe it's with someone else.

Speaker 1 (39:41):

And it's even through my experiences and the growth that I've had to do in myself too, just to unpack some more of me

(39:51)
To step into my voice and be able to step into my feelings more and be able to step into that femininity side that comes at me from the point of, as you say, they just want to fix it here and now. So it's going to be presented so we can try and fix it here and now. Whereas for me, it would've been presented and then I'm like Superman or Captain Flash, I'm gone. And then at some stage I'll come back when I might've processed it one day, two days, three days a week, a month later. So if I can learn how to be in that experience and then sit and work through it, even working in the feelings of uncomfortable, unsure, this is making me feel, I dunno how it's making me feel, but I've just got to just stay in it and work through it. It's amazing how the weight that lifts off your shoulders, and once you've been able to air your laundry and work with your partner to make sure that we're putting the whites in with the whites and the colors in with the colors, we can get a more unified outcome.

Speaker 2 (41:20):

Brett, you made me think of a good point, and I should go into a little more detail when we're talking about masculine and feminine energy that is not necessarily just directly related to gender. Like masculine, people think men are masculine, women and feminine. Now sometimes they're totally flipped. Sometimes there are women who are more in their masculine energy. Sometimes there are men more in their feminine pleasing energy. The example that I give is like, look, I'll tell you the truth. My core is masculine problem solver fixing things. Let me help you solve this issue. But when I'm coaching, a lot of times I'm actually coaching in the feminine because feminine is about nurturing, it's about caretaking, it's about creating a safe space that allows you to open up, not feel judged. That's comes from feminine, that's not masculine at all. So really the benefit is to own it all.

(42:16)
We all have both energies flowing through us and we can access 'em whenever we need 'em. And it's really a matter of taking the right tool for the right job at the right time. If you only have a hammer, all world looks like a nail and you're not going to be a very good plumber, you're going to mess up a lot of stuff. So for me, it's about doing the work so that you can access the best of you when you need it. And again, there's no bad energy. It's all great. They're both really awesome. They work beautifully together. And when you don't understand 'em, they sometimes can create difficulties for people.

Speaker 1 (42:57):

Yeah, I know when my partner says, Melissa says to me the feminine side in my personality and how that shows and comes out, et cetera, and I can acknowledge that as well from that caring, sharing, thoughtful, soft, non-judgmental peacemaker, just wanting to just be in that peace, joy, and love environment and nurture as well. So I know that that mix of the both, and then sometimes I don't have enough of the masculinity side of me coming into molded all together. So thanks for sharing that and thanks for giving some clarity around it. And I love some of your acronyms around that hug and kiss and that special moments and the soul connection and important priority so we can learn from people, as you say, like Dr. Chapman and Stephen Covey and I learned a lot from Dr. Wayne Dyer and Eckhart and these people. And yeah, I also learned a lot through do McWell Ruiz. He taught me about the four agreements,

Speaker 2 (44:16):

And

Speaker 1 (44:16):

I've turned those four agreements into four things of my own through the art of noticing and then taking that art of noticing into four principles that I can coach people on so we acknowledge the people that have mentored us, and then we can develop through our own creativity to then share how we feel. We'd like to share it. And that's when it feels that you have that deeper connection to it because you feel you've put your attachment on it and your connection to it. So you're also an author. You've released two books, one entitled Same Shit, different Date, why You Keep Attracting The Same Wrong Partners and How to Finally Solve It. And the second titled, the Catch Your Match Formula, how to Create an Online Dating Profile that really gets results. Now, I'm curious to know about how these books evolved and what you would regard as the two biggest takeaways from each book.

Speaker 2 (45:24):

Lemme go in chronological order. I did talk about the Catch Your Match formula, which is essentially my dating profile book using branding principles. And again, the genesis of it was I would check out my client's dating profiles, they weren't getting very good results, and I would say, well, there's your problem. And so I began to create a methodology around it. And I guess there's one chapter in the book, again, acronym, I think it's chapter six, tell them why You're the best. The acronym is best. And so the B is like, what are the benefits of dating you? Why should they date you? Why? Because again, it's like if you see a TV commercial, they're not saying you need to be a dual income suburban couple to drive a Toyota, right? They don't say that. They don't tell you who you need to be. They tell you why Toyota is great.

(46:27)
They talk about performance, they talk about comfort, or they talk about economy on the petrol. So it's basically it's flipping it. What are the benefits of dating you? What do you bring to the table? And for some people that is a revolutionary thought. They don't even think to say what I offer. And some of 'em actually struggle with it to be honest with you. So they talk about what are the benefits? What's the experience of dating you? What's it going to look like? What do you like to do? What do you not like to do? What's really appealing to you? And the SS is like sizzle. Tell me something that you're really excited about. Tell me something on your bucket list. Tell me something you've always dreamed of doing. I used to say, always wanted to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef. And if somebody reads that and they're like, oh my God, I've always wanted to do that, they're reaching out to you, you just spoke to them and you just made a deep connection or hike the mountains or whatever it is.

(47:24)
So talk about something from your bucket list. And then the tea is like, what are the traits that you offer and how do they show up? Most importantly, don't just say, well, I don't know what fun-loving could be beekeeping for somebody. What is fun to you? So explain to people. Give an example of what is fun to you or whatever the example is. So I guess that's probably some of the main issues of that book. It's about branding yourself and communicating who you are, your brand proposition, what is your unique selling proposition, is what an advertising person would say. But what do you uniquely have to offer and why? Again, if you look at a dating profile, there's all these little pictures, a hundred pictures of people that live in a five mile radius. What sets you apart from them besides a little postage stamp size picture? It's got to be more than that. So I put a little intriguing headline in there too. Again, just getting people's attention and get 'em to call to action to do something. Reach out. I'd love to hear from you, something like that. So that's the Catch your match formula. And that's been out, my gosh, I don't know, maybe about 10 years or something. It's been a while. Been a lot of changes in the

Speaker 3 (48:46):

Online dating

Speaker 2 (48:47):

Industry since then.

Speaker 3 (48:48):

Yeah, some of them

Speaker 2 (48:48):

Actually aren't even relevant because of the changes in the platforms over that time and so many new ones too. But it still stands up. It's still quite good. And then the other one is same shit, different date. It came from that saying same shit, different day. Like,

Speaker 3 (49:07):

Oh, here

Speaker 2 (49:07):

It is, just another day. But I said, well, this is about dating, right? And so the proposition I'm making is if you pull the string on all the people that you've dated, the ones that work didn't work, we're there for a period of time. There's something that they all have in common. There's something they all came to teach you. But you've got to figure out what is it? Are you attracting this same, why are you attracting people's sort of disorder personalities? Or why are you attracting people with anger issues? Or why are you picking? That's what happens when you combine picking and attracting. Why are you picking people who maybe have trouble holding a job or whatever?

(49:47)
And that's the other thing too. It looks so different very time, every time. So for instance, someone might have an abandonment issue that we sort of identify in the book, and abandonment can look a million different ways. And until you look at it, it's like, well, we had a partner who was in the military, someone who went to jail, someone who had an affair and just left. Someone who ghosted you, someone who died, you don't necessarily, they're all different. They have nothing in common until you realize, wait, every one of those people left you. And that's an abandonment of sorts. So when you understand it, you won't necessarily know it at the time. But I do believe people attract what they need in order to learn and grow from it. And it's not a punishment, it's not happening because you're an awful person and love isn't for you.

(50:41)
It's there's something in it for you to learn. And so the books, same stuff is based on imago principles. And again, Imago is just, you attract what you need essentially. So I guess that's the nugget from that book about figuring out what is it that these folks have in common? What are they here to teach you, and what do you need to do differently to understand and heal that wound? And once you heal that wound, you'll choose more mindfully and you'll choose someone who offers different things. So it's a pretty profound book. I really like it.

Speaker 1 (51:28):

Yeah, it comes back to, it's like you're saying, we've all got some healing to do. Absolutely. And once we can unpack some of that healing and we can then basically reinvent ourselves into a healed personality, life can be totally different and transformative. And my partner and Melissa says to me, well, you attracted me for these reasons. And we have banter over that quite often, but it's quite good banter, and we learn and grow every day. And we've got a two and a half year old at home, and I'm 61 years old. And that's been transformative in itself to be a father again at an older age, but extremely. And it's the same thing. Ari chose us as parents, so we're now nurturing and raising Ari to help and guide him on his journey that is teaching me even more things about relationship, about love, about bonding, about connection, about listening, about observing, watching contribution, compassion, empathy, caring, all of these emotions and values that just keep unpacking at this stage of life through Ari coming into our world and us entering his world. My partner's 43, so she's got different energies and different things from a life perspective. At 43, I know what I was like at 43. I was like, man, I'm a, I'm out. I'm on a mission here, blah, blah, get out of my way type thing. That's growth, evolution and work, work, work. As you said, the men go to work, go to work, I'll just work, I'll just work. I'll just work. And now it's like I wonder what Ari's doing at the moment.

(53:50)
He just

Speaker 2 (53:51):

Different season of life, different interests and priorities. And look, I could be really biased here, but I tell you what, I think having a partner who pitches and catches with you at that level talks about why you attracted them and just can have conversation at that level. I mean, I, I don't know. I think that gives you so many advantages to just understand people and have skills to go deeper. A lot of people don't have necessarily the skills or the interest or the ability to go to that level of depth. And look, I think when you can get that real with someone, I think it's really transformational to be able to speak your truth. I mean, I talked with my clients. Some of the core things that I talk about are like, speak your truth, know your value, be able to express it. Tell 'em, here's what I want. Here's what it looks like. Are you willing to meet me there? And if you're not, that's okay, but you might not be the right person for me.

(54:58)
And that's okay too because what we were here to decide and figure out. And then the other thing is, can you put up a boundary? Can you say, look, that's not going to work for me. And then at that level, can you enforce a boundary if you need to? And since I told you that was really important, and that's a deal breaker for me, I'm not going to be able to do that. Sorry. And so those are what I think are kind of four really foundational skills of relationship that I think are, I don't know, critical to just do that work and to create the, again, I may be biased, is my model of the world speaking here, to have a relationship where you can effectively communicate who you are, what you need, what you're looking for, and not feel bad about it, but also not inflict your interests on other people either and force them into doing something.

(55:51)
But you can actually love people and set 'em free too if you want to know that it's going to be too difficult for one or both of us to be able to try to get what we believe we need or what we're looking for. So let's just not do this. Right. So look, I think that's foundational to be able to know yourself at that level, express yourself at that level, and also show up and be in your own integrity and speak. What do you need? What do you want? What prevents? And just be really clear about it. Maybe that's just me, but that's kind of important to me.

Speaker 1 (56:34):

Yeah, it's expressed the way you've expressed it, and I relate it back to three pillars that we coach and drive by and live by. And that for us is truth, authenticity, and vulnerability. And I just feel that they dovetail so nicely into your best acronym there that you used. And when you step into it, and even my team will when we talk about things well, is that in alignment with our truths, is that us being our true, authentic self, because that's what we want to stay with. We want to stay with our truths. We want to stay with being as authentic as we are. This is the real me. And we want to be vulnerable enough to say that, I dunno how to do that. I'm struggling here. I'm not feeling well, because that vulnerability is, that's just creates such a deeper connection in itself because then people are going, he's not that great today. How can we support him? Or do we need to just allow him to have be in his space? And I can say that to my team when I can say to him, I'm not real good today guys, so just, or I need a couple of days. And I've just recently come back from it just a couple of days to be in a space of nothingness to just work and feel back into me. So yeah, it's

Speaker 2 (58:08):

My way of thinking. I think vulnerability is really overlooked. I think it's just superpower. I mean, it is probably the most transformative tool that I have in the toolbox if I'm working with someone to be able to get them there. A lot of people equate it with weakness like, oh, I can't be vulnerable. I can't tell her I'm not in a good space today. I'll never hear the end of that or whatever. No, actually anyone who thinks vulnerability is weakness is never just stood there essentially emotionally kind of naked there, just totally vulnerable. Look, this is who I am, this is where I am, and this is what I'm looking for right now. And just to have the courage to be seen and heard and hopefully understood and appreciated. And if someone can't, well then again, that tells you a lot about the situation going on too.

(59:00)
But I find it's transformational when people get to that place where they're just vulnerable and they lay down the shield, lay down the sword, and they're not going to fight about it anymore. I'm like, this is who I am. This is what I need. Can you help me? Are you willing to do it? And a lot of times when there's not a fight, no one is judged as right or wrong. It is what it is. I find that most people react really well to that vulnerability and they feel like you're just making a request. You're not attacking me. I can probably do that. I might take some practice, might take some skills, might take some more coaching sessions or whatever. But that doesn't seem out of the question. It doesn't seem out of line. It doesn't seem unfair. It doesn't seem like it's an infringement on what I need as well. So let me see if I can do that. And I just think it's such a powerful game changer for people who are able to access that. It's a tremendous gift to feel safe enough to be vulnerable because strong people do that, weak people do not.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):

And we, I've found even through my breathwork coaching, and if I've been guiding people through a really deep somatic breathwork journey that quite often we can have them release some stored trauma there that's been parking and locking away their vulnerability. And then once they have this release, it's sort of like, oh my God, they've cried for the first time in 10, 20 years, but they've had a release. And then at the end of the session they'll go, I've never felt anything like that. I now feel free. And it's like, that's that transformation. That's that. I didn't know how to get to it, but I got to it and I feel free. And I feel me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):

So

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):

That's that peeling back, that big part of that onion to now step 'em into more truths about themselves and the power in being authentic and being you in all situations, not just in a situation to suit a particular person or a need or an event or whatever, but I find that has been really, really, really powerful. So thank you for that because it is such a big thing and it's a big part about what we teach as well in the work that we do.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):

There's a lot of overlap, isn't there, between what we do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):

A lot of overlap. I'll just fire this thing back up for a sec there Dave. She went to sleep on me. The battery Go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):

Do you need to plug a

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):

Bit there? No, you're all good.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):

Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):

Right. Okay. We'll roll on. So how do you balance the need for quick transformation with the patience and understanding required in deep, long lasting relationships and how can you share any stories that highlight this balance?

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):

That's a great question. I remember I mentioned earlier, changes work and it takes time, but also changes. That changes a new idea presented differently. It's a new understanding, it's a new awareness. And so that's quick. When you understand something in a brand new way for the first time and it changes the entire way you feel about the topic or the subject, that's powerful, right? Again, if I am helping someone make a new connection between masculine feminine energy and why it does what it does and shouldn't do and must do and can never do all that stuff, and I'm not the way it works, here's the way it works and here's why it's a benefit to you and here's how to be able to have that thing or something like that. So that's what I talk about when I talk about rapid transformation that's creating a new awareness and a new understanding of someone.

(01:03:43)
Again, that's part of the teaching and the creativity and all that stuff. A lot of times it's metaphor or understanding it or who knows, it's some kind of tool or something that I've developed or an assessment or just in conversation presenting something in a brand new metaphor. Now, I don't believe that that would be a lot of my ego involved to say, I can change you now. In the beginning, I probably guilty as charged. There's charged. Everyone's wants to be able to get results and be good and have other people speak highly of them. Say, you got to talk to that guy. And I'm blessed that I do have a lot of people who refer most of my businesses referral. So I'm incredibly blessed by that, but I'm also really humble about it at the same time, and I don't have my ego involved. Again.

(01:04:32)
I wrote a book about why challenges come into your life and they're a good thing, and that all emotions come to serve, even the ones we don't want, even the ones we don't like because a messenger in it. So I talk about, okay, you're angry about something great. What are you angry about? Why are you angry? What do you think about that makes you angry? I always say it's like it's a messenger. That's all. It's, you wouldn't have the postman or the FedEx person come to your door and you wouldn't punch 'em in the face and tell 'em to go away. You would take the package, you'd sign for it and say thank you. And so that's what your emotions are. It's nothing more than a messenger. What is it that makes you feel upset about this or what is violating your rights or your expectations here?

(01:05:16)
What makes you feel a certain kind of way? What makes you sad about this? It's just a messenger. Don't send the messenger away without getting what they have for you. Get the message and then you'll get it and it'll stop coming. You won't keep getting them all the time. So look, I know that all challenges come to serve too. So like I said, I've been able to manage my own ego and then I just serve. I meet 'em where they are. I see the greatness in them. I hope I say, you know what? This is amazing about you and my goal is I meet 'em where they are and I leave better than I found them. And that's pretty modest goal. And I could do that with a smile. I could do it with a kind word. I could do it with an incredible technique.

(01:06:01)
I could do it with a brand new metaphor way of looking at something, one of my tools, referral to something else, a book recommendation or so, a million ways to do it. And so I look at it as it was easy. There's no way to fail. And I teach that about people on dates too. I have thing called the second date formula. If you go on a date, I tell people the challenge for my ladies especially, they go into it and they have all these thoughts and they're like, how do I look in this outfit? Does he like me? Is he going to call me? Is he texting me? Are we dating? Is he seeing other people? Should I have worn this or should I have worn something else? And it's like, look, we're going to try to take those voices down and you have a job to do, and your job, your assignment is on this date.

(01:06:48)
I want you to notice five things you like about this person and express them back. You're meeting this person for the first time. Say, you know what? I really, really appreciate the way you're involved in your community. I love the fact that you're a hard worker. I love the fact that you have really high standards. That's really impressive. I love the fact that you're really involved with your kids, whatever it is, five things you like, admire, respect, notice and appreciate, and you reflect them back. And again, job is job number one. Meet 'em where they are. Leave them better than you found them. Now the thing is, most of the time people are going to say, that was really great. I don't know what it is about that person, but I think I want to see them again. Now, you don't have to if you don't necessarily feel connection, but what you've just done is a rising tide lifts all ships.

(01:07:34)
You lead people better than you found them. And again, that's what I teach. I really believe in leaving people better than you found them. And it's manageable, it's doable. And if everyone was doing it, we'd kind of lift everybody at one time. A lot of people go on dates and it's kind of soul crushing, and they leave it feeling bad, and they're like, this is, why am I even doing this? But if you see the best in people and lean better than you found them, I think you've really done something to, you've made a difference in your corner of the world. And I think that's great dating karma. And it only reflects very well on.

Speaker 1 (01:08:16):

Yeah, one of my catchphrases is, for me, it's about I never set out to be world famous. I set out to make a world famous difference. Oh,

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):

That's funny. That's good. I mean, actually, it is funny. I was thinking, my wife and I used to joke when I first met her, I was joking around with her and she said, oh, your coach and you do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm kind of a big deal in Europe. That was damn our little joke. And we still occasionally refer to it, but it is totally a joke.

Speaker 1 (01:08:50):

Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Great stuff. I've really enjoyed this conversation, Dave. It's been really fascinating and I can guarantee you, you're leaving me better than you found me or I'm better for it for the conversation. So thank you for that. And what advice would you give to individuals who are currently going through a challenging period in their own lives or relationship?

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):

Well, again, I just mentioned everything comes to serve. Figure out what's the message, what is that messenger here to teach you what is here to show you? There's no useless emotions. It's all there to serve you. Sometimes it might seem really dark or difficult or just devastating sometimes, but ultimately it's there to serve you in some way. You just maybe haven't figured it out yet. It's going to take a change of perspective. And that's really actually in the course of miracles, that's the definition of a miracle is a change in perspective. Seeing something with new eyes as soon as you see with the end, is it the end or is it the beginning? Who knows? My wife came to me and said, yeah, I don't want to be married to you anymore. Actually was the beginning of what is my privilege and gift to find my purpose?

(01:10:16)
And so it wasn't a great day by any stretch of the imagination, but fast forward what became of it. And I had no possible way of knowing what would come of it. I felt like a big old loser at that moment. But boy, looking back now, I am so blessed to be able to do what I do, talk to amazing people around the world and help them. I loved my job before in the advertising business and being creative again. I was using my number one skill, but I'm still using it. But now there's so much more.

(01:10:58)
It just feels so much better to make such a huge difference for a person. Then maybe create some kind of commercial or something that's satisfying too in its own way, but it's not the same. You feel like you're really doing something, leaving humanity better than you found it. So it just feels good. And had that not happened, I wouldn't be here now. So it's basically take a moment, figure out what's going on, check in, what is it bringing up for you, what's getting triggered, what's unresolved, probably. And look, get some support. Probably you don't have to do it by yourself, but it's also almost certainly not the end of the world in most cases. Almost all cases.

Speaker 1 (01:11:48):

Almost all cases. So what inspires you and what motivates you to keep doing the work that you're doing?

Speaker 2 (01:11:56):

This literally just what I just said. Just making a positive difference somewhere in the world. And I am blessed to have clients literally on every continent. And my podcast I've done, I've interviewed people on every single continent except for Antarctica, but penguins made for life and they're in a lot of relationship issues there. So no one lives there. But I'm proud of that, that I have so many connections and I just feel like I'm making a difference in creating some hope with peace, love, and understanding that I said earlier and helping people. And the podcast specifically is like I'm interviewing people that I don't know who are not clients, and I'm basically using the aspects of the book, the same shit, different date book and helping them see like, oh, here's why you're struggling. It's called Why haven't I found Love yet? So it's literally like that's the question someone might ask, where are they? I haven't found love yet. Why not? I'm like, let's talk about that. That's a good conversation to have. A lot of times they probably have in some way or shape or form, but it's also an understanding of figuring out what's getting in the way for you. Why are we picking these same types? What did you need to get from it? Again, that new awareness is, I reckon, 40% of the change. Like, oh, that,

(01:13:32)
Oh my God, I never saw it before. I hear that all the time. I never would've known that. And so if you're looking for something and you don't know what you're looking for, your chances of finding it are slim.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):

Pretty slim. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (01:13:44):

Right. But once you see it like, oh, that note to self, I'm not going to do that anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):

Yeah. Awesome stuff. So thank you for that, and thanks for coming in today. And Dave Elliott, I always finish off my podcast with a question, and before I get to that, how can our listeners contact you?

Speaker 2 (01:14:07):

Oh, yeah. My website is legendary love for life.com. And please reach out, tell me if you have any questions or thoughts or if I said anything that was particularly useful. I always respond to people and love to hear from you. And so yeah, please reach out. And my business is based in the us, but now I'm here in Australia, love being here, and I love talking to people obviously about topics like these. So hope I've inspired someone today or intrigued or moved someone touch. My wife and I say it's our mission is to travel the world and touch, move, and inspire people to their own version of greatness. It's not what I want for, what do you want?

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):

How

Speaker 2 (01:14:57):

Can we help them find it?

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):

Well, you've helped me today because you've shared with us some things that have brought some new little awarenesses to me through some of your acronyms and your programs and just through our deep conversation. And I thank you for that. And I'm sure our listeners will thank you as well. And we'll put the links to your website and how to contact you on our notes and everywhere else that we spread our love throughout our podcast and little YouTube clips and our social media spreads, et cetera. Awesome. Thanks for coming into the studio. I really love having guests in the studio. And now that I know that you're here locally, you never know, we might be able to do this again sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:15:39):

I would love to. This was great fun.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):

Awesome. So Dave Elliot, question I have for you. Who are you breathing for today and why?

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):

I'm breathing for myself to make sure that I continue to stay alive. The purpose of the, I really enjoyed this and what I'm breathing for is the potential that someone I wasn't going to meet or come into contact with any other way was going to hear our conversation today. And I am hoping that I just left them better than I found. I gave them something to think about, something to feel about, and hoping that I just, like I said, left someone better than I found them today. And that's what keeps me breathing. That's what makes me do what I do and love what I do. And man, I'm blessed where we live. It's amazing here, right? It's a gift and a treat to wake up here every day, so it's awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):

Yep. It's also a gift and a treat when there's no brown snakes on the beach, so

Speaker 2 (01:16:48):

That makes it even better. Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:16:51):

Dave Elliott, thank you for joining me on 100 breaths with Gavin McGahey. It's been a pleasure to have you in the studio and we will finish that up today and we'll catch you next time on 100 breaths. Bye for now.