042 - Mental Tension?

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

And hello everyone. You know, I was sitting here at push record thinking, what was my episode last week? And I don't remember. I do not remember what my episode last week was about. And guess what? I don't do drugs. Wow, that's just the old ADHD short-term memory for you right there. And if you were to ask me about it and say, what did you record last week? And I had to sit there and think about it, it would create mental tension. I would get frustrated and I would start not liking myself. Let's talk about mental tension.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD symptoms. Why?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I'm your host, creator of the Nudge program, author of Descending to the Top. My name Russ Jones. Nice to meet you. Guys, we are going to learn about some stuff. We're going to laugh about some stuff. And ladies and gentlemen, here is some stuff. Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. We are we are gonna touch on mental tension. That uh opening is uh God man, my brain. I just it farts all the time. I think we can all agree that there's things that we have to do in life, and um wait, you know what? Well, actually scratch that. That we we don't have to do anything, and that's part of the problem. Survival isn't dictated by whether I have uh clothes all over my bedroom floor. Uh I'm going to actually live through that. And because I can't die from it, I mean I I don't have to do it. You know, but God, it feels awful walking into my bedroom, and it looks like the FBI came in with a search warrant and just just emptied everything out, just decimated the place. It just looks like a goddamn mess sometimes. And the very thought about doing anything about this, ah, the tension. Or think of the mess that you currently have in your life. I mean, is it your car? My car is currently dirty. I will own up to that. Car wash, it's been on the agenda for about two months now. It just, it's never the right time. Is there a messy room though? Is there a messy room in your house right now? And see if this resonates with you. When you're in the room, it like it screams at you that it needs to be dealt with. That's a gross feeling. So you you you're like, oh, I'm just gonna get in here, get the thing I need, and and leave the room. It's not the room that I want to stay in. It's like it's like a nagging room, it nags at us, and there's like this subtle, ugh, like when you walk in, just as you see things, you're just oh god, ugh. It's a it just creates all kinds of tension in your brain. It's not cool, it's not fun, it's not okay. And that's not how I want my bedroom to feel. Or what if I have somebody coming over? I don't want to think about how they're gonna react to seeing this mess. It's it's I just it feels yucky. And then that yuckiness turns back on us and it gives us stats, it it brings us into our cycle of self-loathing that we know so well. And I if I if I take a minute and think about it, it's like I want my bedroom to feel inviting. I want to feel calm when I'm in my bedroom. I want to feel relaxed when I'm in my bedroom. Have my my it's my meditation cushions are set up, it's a it's a place where I'd want to like escape to. And I'm like, when I see people that have places like that, I'm like, God, what kind of dark magic are you using? And how do I get some of it? You mean there's a way to not enter a room and go, oh, so much shit to do. Blah. Here's the fix drink more water. Could you imagine if that could you imagine if that's the advice, guys? Drink more water. Did you guys know that dehydration is the number one reason your laundry's all over the place? Drink more water. I got that advice. Uh honestly though, you know what? Honestly, let's get real. Drinking water is good and it's hot out there. So uh side note, do drink more water, do stay hydrated, do prevent your brain from turning into a shriveled up raisin. Laundry-wise, though, and like mess-wise, I found it that it's most helpful when it's work that sucks, it's like busy work, work that sucks. I do that in between things. It has to be timed, and I prefer it to be in between things that I'm not currently struggling to do. So, for instance, writing this episode, I'm doing like a 30-minute timer, and um actually it's past tense. I when I was writing this, I was doing 30-minute timers, and then when it would go off, I would do 15-minute timed increments of cleaning. The reason that that's effective for me, it's because it's not about cleaning my entire room. It's not about my room never getting messy. Like I know who I am and I'm okay with who I am. I'm cool with myself. I don't love that absent-mindedness or my in-the-moment messiness that it that creates chaos or that it creates a mess, but it is who I am right now, and I there's a relief, I'd say, and there's like an inner freedom to accepting who I am, and then I create my systems based on that, based on me knowing who I am. There's always a possibility to evolve into someone who habitually cleans their environment, who habitually is always clean and leaves their room clean when they leave. I wouldn't rule that out, uh, but it's not that's not who I am right now. Um, right now, I set a timer and I clean. And if there is no timer and no specific directive as to what I'm doing, I don't clean. I will even go so far as to say that I can't clean. Because you can't do a thing if it doesn't enter your brain to do it. So how could I know to clean if I don't think, hey, here's stuff to clean?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Am I right?

SPEAKER_01 6:01

I think I'm right. If you want to find your way on the other end of that, try setting a 15-minute timer in between work that you don't have a problem doing. Use it as a break and give yourself permission to quit after 15 minutes and then watch what happens. You will be amazed at what you can do in 15 minutes, seriously. The other thing that helps me out is combining a task with something maybe that I'm already doing. So if it's easy and if it's convenient. So for me, sometimes I'm if I'm making coffee in the morning, it takes about two minutes for that coffee pod deal thing to work. So while I wait, sometimes I'll empty a dish out of the dishwasher, maybe I'll load a couple dishes in the dishwasher, maybe I'll clean the countertop, I don't know, maybe I'll do it, maybe I don't. I don't know. It's just until my coffee's ready and then I'm done. See you, kitchen, see you later. If we don't have a spark for something, it odds are that the thing, that thing, it it um it has some sort of a negative vibe to it. Like, and we avoid negativity because uh we experience or are like we have experienced it way too much. Honestly, throughout our childhood, the behavior corrections, the feeling bad about ourselves, the feeling lazy, the trying to be normal. Like we're not a stranger to negativity. In the moment, we're not up for it, right? So rarely, rarely are we. Negativity sucks. Why would we be up for it? I really, I really don't want to be beating myself up with why did I let the room get this messy? When am I gonna get my shit together? Why is my shit not together? I'm in my 40s. The truth of the moment is just about, hey, there's laundry on the floor, let's get it off the floor, no big deal. But that's not that's not how it is for us. We take it all the way. We take it all out to I'm a piece of shit because there's laundry on my floor, I'm a loser. And I must exit from this. I must get away from this. If if we're ever in a moment where like, oh god, room is a messy. I'm such a loser. It's like, we why wouldn't we repel from that and go and do something that doesn't make us feel horrible about ourselves? So, but when we create short bursts of time in between things that I want to be doing, it becomes massively easier and then negativity goes away. I'm taking away that feeling of like I'm a big loser for having a messy room because I'm actually being an adult and I'm doing the thing. I'm taking care of it. I'm doing what grown-ups do when there's a mess. I clean it up, but just for 15 minutes, and then I'm gonna freaking quit. If you guys want to see what this looks like, I actually had a decimated room uh a few weeks ago, and so I took a before and an after photo. I set a 15-minute timer, took a picture right before, took a picture right after, and I quit at 15. I do not stick around after 15. And keep in mind if you look at this, it's I d I'm not an advocate of uh for setting a timer and then trying to race yourself, see how much you can do, get get to the go for it. I don't I don't like that way of working. If it's something that sucks and I hate doing, I will absolutely lollygag. I will take my time, I will half-ass it. I will just put in the time, and then that's it, and then I punch out. I'm going to 100% give 70% of my effort. If there happens to be a strike of electricity, maybe, and I have, oh, I've got momentum, I oh, I want to keep going, then maybe I will keep going. As long as I don't have something else pending, I might continue on. But I set that timer with the intention of gifting myself the ability to quit. And that's what made it makes me able to start in the first place. So you can go if you go to the website adhdbigbrother.com and uh I create blog posts for some of the episodes, so just look for the the one for episode 42. And there you will see the before and after of my room. But another great example that I'm I'm including on there is I have one place where I keep a pile of papers. I have not eliminated piles from my life, but what I've done is I've eliminated piles from getting out of control. And I'm gonna show you my pile. You guys wanna you guys wanna see my pile? I'm gonna show you my pile.

unknown 10:17

Come on over, check out my pile.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

So this particular pile is actually right underneath my uh my ADHD book collection and my meditation stuff. So if you guys want to see what I've been reading, what I've read, and you want a book recommendation, uh you just gotta look above the horrendous pile and you'll see some some cool books. Chick it. So one pile, what does that do? Well, if by giving myself one place to have a pile, it allows me then to work with my ADHD. Sometimes I just want the paper, the bill, the whatever thing to just go away. And I don't have the juice in me to figure out where it goes. Like even though it might only take a minute or two, there's like there's advocates out there for like, hey, if it takes less than five minutes uh or something, just do it. That's not an ADHD thing. Not in my experience. If there's any mental tension uh to where it has to go, if if we have to ponder it for like a millisecond, then that's already too much. And I I don't think normies will get that. But if you uh I know if you have ADHD, you understand this. If there's any sort of minuscule, momentary, small as it might be, if there's any kind of confusion or tension around it, it's already too hard. I put it in the pile. I I don't want to feel frustrated by trying to think of where it goes, even if it's only gonna take a second. It's too hard, it goes in the pile. Then when the pile becomes too high, I will create a work session, one of those in-betweeny 15ies, and I'll take care of it. And I'll show you the before and after that one as well. Can I just tell you guys the emotional and mental freedom I have merely by gifting myself one big old sloppy pile? Oh yes. And I don't feel bad about it when I look at it. Because it's supposed to be there. And when I look at it, I just think, ah, no, you know what? I think I could get more on top of that. Honestly, if I didn't attach it to this podcast, I probably would have waited another week. There's still room on the top. I could s I could still squeeze some more paper on there. I hope this helps you guys out. Do those in-betweeny 15ies and watch your life change. If you guys find yourself struggling to get started to get unstuck, if you need that extra nudge, that's what you sign up for the aptly named nudge program for. In two weeks, it'll radically change your life. Uh and for me, I get to be there for it. Hyping you up, guiding you, I love it. You are guaranteed to get unstuck or you will get your money back. That's the Rush Jones ADHD Big Brother guarantee right there. Put a stamp on it. As I just know it works. Um, and if it doesn't, then I don't want to be any part of taking your money. Alrighty, guys, thanks for listening. If you want would like to help the podcast uh help keep episodes coming, please leave a review on iTunes. And I know it's one of those things where it's like, well, how? What do I click? What do I do? Uh, if you would be so kind, put it on one of your in-betweeny 15ies. And yes, I love saying that. Uh that if that would mean the world to me. It it allegedly helps the robots in you know the algorithm room decide that, you know, oh, this podcast is worth a damn if people are searching for ADHD. Well, let's show them this one. Um, so I thank you for that. I really do appreciate it. And with that, I hope you guys have an amazing week, and I will talk to you.