181 - A Reflection on Routines Month

The most profound aspect of this month's focus on routines has been the implementation of a morning and an evening routine. How did you do? Have you been following along? Have you taken a thwack at these crucial routines for adults with ADHD? 

If not, I challenge you this week to attempt a "this" (You'll know when you listen to the episode)

Mentioned in the podcast:

Dr. Shane Calhoun's interactive workshop on routines. Open to the public in the ADHD Big Brother community. Click here to get the details. 

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Well, uh, we did it. We are wrapping up an entire month talking about routines. Did you guys adopt anything? Did you put some stuff in place? Did you magically fix every hurdle of your ADHD with one big, insanely productive routine? Me either, but I sure made some progress. Let's talk. You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD and their depression and anxiety and I'm your host, Russ Jones. I'm an ADHD coach and I run the Platinum Award-winning community coaching of the same name, ADHD Big Brother. And I also have ADHD and depression. It's craptastic. Welcome aboard. Let's learn some stuff, laugh at some stuff. And ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. Welcome to the final podcast of Februari. Februari. Routines are over. So let's throw them all out in the garbage because we don't have to do them anymore, right? Right? Who's with me? Let's go back to winging it and being miserable where we can't get our shit together. Woo-hoo! Just kidding. Just kidding. As we do every week, let's normalize talking about our skull spaghetti. The good, the bad, and the weird by updating each other on the week. How has it been for ye? Shoot me an email, let me know. Russ at adhdbigbrother.com. I'm all ears. Or eyeballs, I guess, if it's an email. This week has mostly been good for me. However, I did wake up. This is interesting. I woke up one day this week with a nasty case of imposter syndrome. I literally went from feeling amazing and like, oh, I'm grateful for this life, and things are going good, to hey, guess what? You suck and you don't deserve to have a good life. And every single person on this planet hates you and thinks you're the stupidest fucking dum-dum out there. So you better find a hole, crawl into it, and just shut up. Um it's it's it's pretty awful. It's it's not a fun feeling. One of the things that's been helping me get through this uh these inner saboteurs is the help I'm getting from one of our community members, Debbie Carvery. Shout out to you, Debbie. We have some pretty amazing people as members of our community, and we have a community member, Debbie, who is a complex trauma coach, and I've learned some amazing things about IFS, internal family systems, from Debbie. I've been really digging learning about IFS and its benefits, and I'm always like a lab rat for myself to see what works and what doesn't. And it's been such a fun process. Uh, and Debbie has graciously hosted some workshops for us inside the community, and it's a huge reason why I got on the other end of that the other day. And check it out, you guys. She's doing an IFS workshop in March, too. Can't wait for that. Huge load of gratitude, appreciation to Debbie. Thank you. Massive shout out, complete. I want to share also uh some stuff that I uh I found out through a survey. I did a survey of the people in the community and I asked them what was the reason why they joined ADHD Big Brother. Check this out. 81% responded that it was to get shit done. That makes me so freaking happy uh because that's why I built the community. That's why I did it. And then close behind that was to spend time with other fellow Neurodivergos, which is cool because it really lends itself to being shame-free and judgment-free because we are all like, yeah, we get it. And then 93% of people in the community felt that accountability was important in getting shitty tasks done. Then that was on a sliding scale from like one to ten, and the that percentage is for everyone that voted six to ten, but most people voted between eight to ten. And I could not agree more. Even if you're a person that feels like you should be able to do all these basic life bullshitty tasks on your own, leaning in on external accountability at first is gonna change you from fixing your shit in three years, if ever, to like three to six months. Boom. If you show up. And that's not an actual statistic. That's just my opinion based on what I've seen over the years that I've been doing this. So, based on that, I created an accountability buddy space in the community. Members sign up and they say what they're looking for for accountability for. You know, like I need help with organization, I want help with this, that. And then another member can put their name on and join up and they partner up. And we just started it a few days ago. We already have four groupings, four accountability partnerships have been created. How freaking cool is that? That makes me so dang happy. I can't tell you guys how much of a big deal that is. Like in our community, we've made it super easy to connect with each other and get shit done. Oh my god, I love it. You really do get a lot in this community. I'm in the early stages too of putting together uh support groups as well. And it's literally the price of taking me out to dinner once a month. It's like it's insane. If you're curious if it's right for you, if your goal is to finally start doing all the right the things that you know how to do, but you're not doing them. If you can show up, you can succeed in the community. This is the community to join if your goal is to get shit done. And uh you want to feel not shitty about yourself on the journey to accomplish that. Yeah. My goal is to grow it to 300 people. I think we can do it, and then it would allow me to also invest in some cool shit, some neat programs, things like make getting shit done easier. Um that's that's literally the whole point of it all is the getting the shit of the the getting the done of the it's the the shit of the doneness, the getting it done. And so right now we have 58 members. We are growing. Okay, so that mental health got sidetracked. Uh, we started out good, got him some imposter syndrome. I'm moving forward anyway, even though, and uh done and done. Okay, so here's been my big takeaway uh this month on routines. Morning routines and nighttime routines are crucial for the adults with ADHD. Um, my mentor has a module on morning routines and a module on evening routines. That's how important they are. She's got a module for each one specifically. Uh, and then one of the ADHD experts whose books on ADHD coaching that I take my many of my cues from, morning and evening routines, they're a big deal. This month I've implemented an aspect of a morning routine effectively. So just letting you know that I'm doing my part, guys. I'm also uh a client of myself. But the thing that I do is I wake up at 6:30 a.m. and I don't snooze. I found out that on my phone, I can eliminate that the snooze button on my alarm. I can just get rid of it. I can take away the snooze potential. That has been effective. And I've been getting up almost every day at 6:30 a.m. Done and done. I have a massive morning routine that I would love to build. And that is such the ADHD way to go about sabotaging an effort. I shelfed not to be doing that. You know, we think we have an understanding of how a thing works, right? So we're like, oh yeah, I get it. And so then we create this perfectionistic ultra mega routine, and then it just becomes a really loud I suck, I failed at this morning routine. So wake up every morning and remind myself that I can't do a thing. That's not that's no way to start. So in reflecting on my month, I became successful at my wake up time. And what I would love to do is get back into a meditation practice as part of a healthy morning routine. So I'll look at incorporating that into my 6:30 a.m. wake up. So right now, wake up at 6 30 a.m. and I have a cup of coffee. That's those two things just seem to go hand in hand. So now I go have a cup of coffee and meditate. And I'm not gonna be a madman and go from zero to sitting on the cushion for 30 minutes. I'll start by getting my body used to the art of sitting. So I'll set a timer for five minutes and meditate for five minutes. And just between you and me and the whole community, if five is too much, I'll fucking drop it down to two. Watch me do it. I'm here to make life easy. I just want to get my body into the habit of going, okay, this happens and then this happens. So the easier I make that transition, the better. And then reflecting on the evening routine. Oh man. Evening routine is a bit tricky, isn't it? Uh percentage-wise, if we go one to 100% uh on success rate of going to bed without a media device, that was my big that was my big plan. Uh I'm gonna say I was 70%. It started out as 0%, and I got in the habit of going to bed with my iPad. Not a good idea. But the second half of the month, I believe I got quite good at going to bed around 9:30 p.m. And then like black and white. I'm just no device in bed. I don't exist in a world where I I just tinker with my phone or I just watch one show. I personally have to eliminate choice. If I can eliminate choice, I win. So I did that. And then I got in the habit of reading until I got tired. Mostly it was the 2024 DD Players Handbook. Anybody? The Monster Manual? Anybody? Anybody else? But the past few nights I've renewed my efforts at shipping away at Priory of the Orange Tree. Uh, it's only an 800-page book. No big deal. What was I thinking? Oh, I know. My girlfriend had it, and we said we were it was a great idea to have a book club with each other, and we'd read an 800-page freaking book. She's on page like 500, and I'm on page 112. Ugh. I got work to do. The successful part of my evening routine is that I picked the time I want to be in bed. Same with the morning routine. When do I want to wake up? And to me, those are great starting points. And then it becomes about what to do when you wake up and what to do uh to get you to bed at that time. And when we do that enough, we when we can get our body used to these mega transitions in our lives, they become routine. They become habitual. And perhaps our autopilot begins to take over and makes them even easier. These wake ups, these nighty nights does a great thing for our ADHD brains. It helps us to improve our focus, our concentration, our mood. What's the data? Did you say what's the science? You're the data. You are the science. Go get a good sleep for a couple of weeks straight. 14 days in a row. I dare you. I challenge you. I encourage you. And then you tell me if your focus and your concentration and your mood isn't improved. That's the science. And then go back to doom scrolling all night, revenge bedtime procrastination, and getting the world's shittiest sleep, and then see. See if your focus and your concentration and your mood gets worse. And there you go. Empirical data. Study of one. 100% conclusive. You go be a lab rat for yourself. Make it but make it easy. This has been my hugest takeaway for this month is the importance of the morning and the evening routine. And I'm gonna reinforce starting super simple. Break the ultra routine down into its smaller parts. I do this, and then I do that, and then I do that and that and that. Start with this. Get this down. Become proficient at this, and then add that. And then that, that particular that, that becomes your new this. And then the cycle continues until you're doing this, and then you're moving on to this, and then this, and then this, until all the that's are gone. We're gonna we're gonna eliminate all those that's and we're gonna make them this is. Who's with me? Who do who do I lose? Everybody? What? Hey, come back. I think we can all do it. I'm personally not trying to turn my whole life into a series of routines, but I certainly can get on board with the morning and the evening routine. My challenge to you guys is to construct your morning and your evening routine and then break them down to the first this. Commit to your this for one week straight. Did I do this challenge already? Oh my god. I'm so saturated on routines, but you know what? It's important. So who who cares? I said it again. We have one more routine workshop happening too, you guys. It's gonna be open to the public, so it's not just for the paid members. Dr. Shane's coming back Friday at 1 p.m. Pacific time, FYI. If you don't know who Dr. Shane Calhoun is, well then you best be clicking the link in the show notes and show up to the workshop. He's freaking amazing. And then next month, uh, we're in March. So oh my god, you know, you know what this means? Taxes are coming up. So let's theme the month. Let's make this whole month about money, finances. God. I can't wait to unpack my own struggles here and perhaps build some routines around money. Let's find out. Alrighty, guys, that'll do it for February. Good luck on the routines challenge for this week. And don't forget to explore all the fun stuff down there in the show notes. And you can always contact me directly at Rust at adhabrother.com. And now, I hope you have yourselves a fantastic week. And I'll talk to you later.