250 - Doing CPR on Your Dreams

Let's talk about bringing life to your dreams. We're talking about ADHD and systems and why trying to create a system and then execute on it is NOT the way to go. Give CPR a shot. 

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Transcript

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We've all got dreams, right? Schemes and dreams, hopes, hopes and plans and plans and dreams. Let's dig into that on this week's episode. You guys wanna like let's talk about bringing life to our stuff. Let's go. You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD, their comorbid depression, their anxiety. Oh, it's just a newt. I'm your host and your ADHD Big Brother, Rush Jones. I've got ADHD too. I've got depression as well. It's craptastic. So let's learn some stuff. Let's laugh at some stuff. Let's make some commitments to do some stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. Welcome to the podcast. Uh, Ken, we're gonna check in with each other, but there's a couple things happening right now. The first one is that this, so this is coming out the day after Father's Day, and I'm recording this before Father's Day. So it's gonna, I'm I'm just gonna assume, uh, because I know my kids, I'm gonna assume that we had a great time. We do have an agenda, and the agenda is that they are coming over and we're gonna go to Shaker's for lunch, which is like a diner. We're gonna do that. Then when we're gonna come back to my place, we're gonna play cards, we're gonna do an epic amount of shit talking, I'm assuming, and then they're gonna go to their mom's house, and we're all going to get on headset, and we're gonna close out the night playing Fortnite. Uh, that is gonna be awesome. So I'm assuming that all went to plan and that we had a great time. So I'll tell you next week if it's different. I'll tell you next week the the truth, what did actually happen? Um, and then you know what? This is a milestone episode. This is 250, 250 of a thing. That is an ADHD high five, if ever there was one. So I'm super proud of myself. I think it's been a couple, what was it, a couple years maybe, when I was like, no matter what, I'm gonna put an episode out every Monday. No matter what, there's not gonna be a replay or a repeater or anything like that. I'm just going to crank one out every single Monday. Come hell or high water. And we've had some hell and we've had some high water and we've done it. So I'm super proud of myself. Yay me. Okay, so let's check in real quick. This is the mental health report. This is what we do every week. We gotta spill it, sister. We gotta talk about it. We gotta start these things off by talking about our skull spaghetti. The good stuff, the bad stuff, the weird stuff. You know, we're we're normalizing the conversation. We're normalizing it. Um, we're we're normalizing the abnormal. We're really flipping the script on the whole normie situation out there. Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable, do they? You know, just tell me you're fine when I ask you how your day is. Just tell me I'm good and let's move on. That's the way of the old world. Not anymore. Let's crack open our brains and flip the script. I'll go first, I guess, because I have the microphone and that's kind of how this works. But uh, I'm doing so much better lately. Um, if I were to sit back, you know, in a reclined position and really reflect on my past week, uh, I'd say I'm generally doing quite good mental health-wise. Uh, I think energy-wise, that might be where I'm struggling a little bit. Pretty fatigue, but I I think that's just because I've been really working a lot. And I I love this work. So it's you guys will get this. Um, it's like I I have multiple creative types that I'm coaching, and they'll get this big time. The these things that we love doing that are so easily turned over to. It's just so easy to just turn over to you know, the quote unquote work because it feels right, because it juices us up, and so if we don't monitor it, it it'll burn us out. Um, and I'd say I let it burn me out. Uh, I made the choice. I picked it, no big deal. You know, nobody is suffering because of it, and I'm aware of it, so that's good. Um, I'll discuss the work that went into it, but in general, I'm not an advocate for hyperfocus. I did it, the results are glorious, but I don't think it's a gift. I'm not gonna gaslight everybody into thinking that it's a gift, you know, while your marriages are crumbling and your home is wrecked. But oh my God, look at what you can make with wood. Oh my god, you're so creative. You know, I'm not gonna do that. Um, but you know, it happens, right? So I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. However, I did oversleep a couple of days, which I think was my body was just like, no, you didn't. You did not oversleep. You slept exactly how much you needed to sleep to recover from the rabbit hole of creative wonderment that you went down. So for the official mental health report, I am so much better than a few weeks ago. And in general, I'm not spending time dwelling on the bad like I have been. I'm more hopeful for the good, you know? Flipped that script. Thank you very much. You want to know what I was working on? Ooh, it's juicy. Uh, this is what I've been just obsessed with for the past week or two. Buckle up. Um, I'm in a mastermind right now, and as many of you guys know, I don't believe that we succeed alone. It's just not ADHD, it's not a solo effort, it's a team effort. Whether it's spouse or a family member or coach or community, uh, there is no, I manage ADHD all by myself with no help from others. That's not a thing. I haven't experienced it. I have not seen it experienced. I think that that's bullshit. I have, on the other hand, experienced the hesitation to be a part of something or hire someone because of my ego and my thinking that I need to suck it up and just white knuckle this shit. It never worked, whatever. So I built a community. So I've hired coaches and I've hired therapists. I've joined masterminds. And so I'm currently in a couple of masterminds. And one of them is for coaches, it's the business of coaching. Uh, and we were given a challenge to kind of come up with our the pillars of our process, and that made me go into the most hyper-focused void ever, uh, which was great. I was reflecting about all the clients I've had and what is my process, what about my process works, what are my beliefs about the process? And oh man, I just got so swept up in it and I loved it. And now it's just like it's crystal clear. Uh it's like the overarching view. I mean, I don't know the word to call it. I'll probably just need to make up a word, but it's basically like um I know this is like a socioeconomic term, but it this is what comes to me, the word uh cooperative individualism. So and I know I'm hijacking a word, and that's it's not really what this is, but those are the two words that really connect with me because this is so individualistic, right? We our hopes and our dreams and our all that stuff is a very individual, unique thing. But in the execution of it, in the in the success of it all, there's a cooperative element. So you're entering into like this cooperative dynamic that's your team. And in ADHD, this is how you do stuff: accountability, body doubling, making your dream visible to somebody else. And that takes a specific person or people. And ultimately you enter into the machine part, which is like the skills training that gets you to your dream, gets you to your goal. The behavior that you want to change will get you to your goal. So my three pillars are like the dream part, the team part, and then the machine part. So I want to spend a few minutes talking about the machine today. And this is where the CPR acronym from the podcast title comes from. I just think I got lucky with it. It's just the acronym happens to work out and it seems fitting, and we're bringing life to our dreams, this ideal vision we have of ourselves. So let me tell you what that means. And uh, it is meant to be done with someone else. So you have a goal. These don't have to be huge. I mean, it could be ADHD management. Uh I want to finish a project. Let's say you've identified that you have multiple half-finished projects around the house and you want to finally finish them. And okay, so you how you might do that inside ADHD Big Brother is that you partner up with a weekly accountability partner. You meet and you talk about these unfinished projects. The questions come up, like what's the struggle? What's getting in the way? Perhaps you discover in conversation that there's a stall point on one project because you'd have to locate a certain material and they don't have it locally, but you just hate research and it gives you tension every time you think about it. So the first step in CPR is C, it's choice. You're going to choose a skill. Like, what would a skill be of a person that could do this? The skill of getting started on something, even though, you know, despite whatever tension you might feel. So the agreement then is that over the course of the week between you and your partner, you are going to schedule three, let's say, three 30-minute work sessions where you will start a timer and you will sit at the computer even though you're tense, even though you may not want to, even though the P in CPR is practice because you're practicing a skill. This is no longer about the project. Research that material is just the backdrop. It's just the vehicle that you've chosen to practice the skill of getting started on something, even though you just happened to have the ideal task for this particular skills training. And then the R in CPR is reflect. At the end of the week, you will have three data points to talk about. The three times that you said you were going to practice this skill. Did they happen? So you're going to meet with your partner, your accountability partner, your teammate, and in talking about those three situations, you will uncover either something that worked or something that didn't work. Perhaps one day you didn't do it because you were tired and it was the end of the day and you said, screw it. Okay, that's something to discuss. Perhaps one day you did it and you surprised yourself by how much you could actually accomplish in 30 minutes. Wow, that was cool. Perhaps on the third day, something more important presented itself. And even though you could have waited after the 30 minutes were up, you felt compelled to act on this important thing because you don't know when you're gonna have the juice for it in the future, and you should just take it and you fell for the brain loophole. Okay. So each one of those items presents a potential to work on a new skill or continue working on the same skill. So you continue with the CPR for the next week. The choice, make getting started, even though we'll do that again. Maybe you want to work on that skill some more. And this time, when you schedule it, you're working on purchasing the material, even though you don't feel like it, because previously you already researched it. And because this is just a one-day thing, you create two other appointments for things that are important, but that you'd absolutely blow off because it creates some tension. And you're gonna practice your skill on not blowing those things off. The week ends, this process continues, and it's like a machine that keeps pumping and going around and around and around. And what eventually happens is that while you were working on these skills, you finished a project. And in the process of finishing that project, you got to know yourself better and how you work. You have understandings now of what works, what doesn't work, and you've adopted unique skills that you can apply to future things. This is how we build systems. How many of us like we try to build a system and then execute on it? We sit back, we build these really complicated processes, and then when we try to put them into practice, inevitably something gets in the way, and then the whole system is a bust. Like, oh God, I need a different system. I prefer to practice skills. We're all looking for behavior change, right? That shit is not easy. Like, forget ADHD for a moment and let's just look at our lives. We have shit we want to change. We like, we want to get in shape, we want to upskill, get a better job, we want to be more organized. That goddamn garage already, you know, we want to have a yoga practice or a meditation practice, or we want to build an addition on our house. I don't know. Like, there it's there's always something that we want to be doing that we're not doing. And if you want a system that lasts, start practicing skills. And then over time, your system will just become, it will form. You start to notice things like, oh man, you know what? When I plan this certain thinky type task, when I do that in the morning, it's a lot easier for me than when I schedule it in the afternoon. Because you've tried it a bunch of different times in various time frames. You have you particular data points, and you just sort of know yourself now. And it's part of your decision making. Your system is about planning things based on your mental energy. How many of you guys have read, like in a book or in a YouTube channel, this stuff that says, hey, be mindful of your energy. Your executive function tank sucks. You need to plan your thinky tasks when you have battery power. And you thought, oh yeah, I should do that. And then we never did anything with that? It's probably because it's not a part of our system yet. It's just this cerebral idea of an epiphany of a thing that makes sense. Science tells us we should plan our executive function based on what our energy levels in the throughout the day. Yeah, sounds great. My process is about how do you get the experiential knowledge so that it resonates inside of you, not just in your brain as an idea. You at your core, and then you understand it on that level, like what's going on, and that will be unique to you. Even if there's generalities and aspects that are across the board, it'll be locked in. So much of this uh is doing a thing while you're tense, while you're uncomfortable, while you're resistant to it, and you're gaining insight from it. And because it there's that tension and resistance component to it, this is done easiest and quickest and with less tension when there's another person or people involved. It's also because we're so screwed up, aren't we? We have a million things we want to be different. Where do you even begin? So there's this sort of like, I need to fix it all right now. I think we can all agree that while that's what our entire being wants, like that is not a real practical thing. Like, nor has it ever worked to fix all of it. So, like, let's sneak up on ourselves. Let's surprise ourselves by doing skills practice that one day that we reflect on and we go, holy shit, I don't want to finish a project now. What the like I have now my own personal methodology for finishing a project. I just fucking finished a project and it didn't live in the garage for two years first. Who is this effective project finisher that I have become? This is how we do it inside ADHD Big Brother. Like, in case you're wondering, you know, in case you're interested in having an entire team already willing and able to support you on this journey to practice skills. The team pillar of this is very critical. If you're throwing in with the, you know, the Rush Jones dream team machine, cooperative, individualistic ADHD, get your shit together superstar protocol. TM, it's trademarked. Yeah, it's trademarked. Don't fucking touch it. It's mine. Hands off. You could use it, but don't touch it. You can look at it, but don't touch it. Oh my god, sorry. This world is so ridiculous. I'm sorry. Okay, at ADHD Brother, we have a system set up, right? The circle platform is what we use. That's a community-building software, which is super awesome. It has an app that you can do this on on your phone if you like. And I've set it up so that you can let everyone in the community know upon joining that you're open to an accountability partnership. And there's multiple ways that we team up in there, but specifically for doing this CPR work, you and I we can join. Uh you get a free one-on-one call when you join. Um I will absolutely juice you up about your stuff. I mean, that's it, just happens. That's my gift power. That's my magic. That's what the heavens and the lords gifted upon to me. The ability to juice you up. Um, I wish it worked on the self. Do you ever notice that? Like it only works outwardly, oddly enough. Um, inwardly, well, you know, that's welcome to my mental health reports. Uh but you know, side note, I have an entire community of fellow adults with ADHD that are also quite adept at outwardly juicificationizing. Isn't that what makes this stuff so great? You struggle to juice yourself up. So what if there's a bunch of people that provided that juice on the days when you don't have it? Welcome to ADHD Big Brother. Um, okay. Okay. So we do weekly planability. You partner up, I provide you with the template on how to have the conversations. That's another biggie, right? There's a technique in coaching that I've learned it over time, trainings and books, the questions to ask. You can learn them. You can refer to them. I have it all typed up in a template for you on how to conduct your weekly planability buddy sessions so that you're not flying blind. And I'm also always available, like in the direct messages inside ADHD Big Brother. If you have questions about anything, anything at all. Um, I live in there because I believe that people are the missing component to a lot of ADHD or struggles to change their behavior. It's we need a team. Let's go. Accepting your ADHD, it's not gonna do your laundry. You know, embracing your ADHD is not gonna complete your resume for you. You don't become something first and then have the ability to do a thing. You do a thing, you do many things, and over time you become. If you believe that, then you know what does it take to do a thing? That's it. Forget everything else. What does it take to do a thing when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're freaking out? Most of us have the answer for how to not do the thing. Like we have a the system in place on how to not do a thing when I'm happy, right? Because I'm I'm happy. I deserve to do something fun, you know, or when we're sad, like I'm too sad to do anything. I need to mourn. Or like when you're freaking out, like I can't catch my breath. I'm so overwhelmed, I can't pick what to do, and on and on and on we go. We already have our very tight working system for not doing things justifiably. How dare any of us contest the not doing of the thing? You burned out, absolutely don't do a thing. You freaking out, absolutely don't do a thing. So it's like you can't touch it. But there you have it. It that's the system for not doing stuff. So if we're gonna flip this script, then we need to start doing the work. And work sounds awful. Homework is stupid. So what do we do? It's teamwork, man. Have a team, makes it more fun, makes it less awful. It's more like play. And, you know, what's the thing that you're gonna get good at, even though? What's the skill you're gonna practice and who's gonna be your accountability partner? That to me is a lot funner than just grinding it out solo, you know, and that's it. I hope this helps. I mean, good luck with your CPR and bringing life into your dreams. Do it! And I want you to come forge your unique system with us at ADHD Big Brother. We're all ADHD Big Brothers and sisters, and we kick ass. So come on down. Half the cost of your cable, Bill. I actually don't know what the cost of your cable. I don't have cable. Maybe it's less than half. Hey, what'd you think of that? You tell me. Holy shit, just come join and get stuff done. And that'll do it for me. Guys, if you enjoy this podcast, would you please do me a favor and share it? Not like how you normally think to share. Like, I don't I don't have social media accounts, no LinkedIn, no Instagram, no TikTokery. That's whatever. Do you know somebody that you think would like it or would get something out of this episode? Literally an email to one person. Hey Trudy, here's a podcast. Check out this dude who's got an ADHD podcast and he giggles at himself and he fucking he keeps telling me that it's gonna be work and I should join the team. Yeah. Trudy wants to hear from you. Anyway. Uh, I hope you have a fantastic week. I do hope uh, if you're a father, that you had a good Father's Day, and uh, I will talk to you later.