257 - ER Visits, Panic Attacks, Timers, and Mindset Shifting

Lots going on this last week! Can't wait to relive it all with you! 

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Transcript

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It's been a week, guys. That's ER visits, panic attacks, my utter opposition to mindset culture. Oh, this should really be a fun one. Do I need to give you a trigger warning, like out of politeness? Um, I don't I don't know. I got triggered last week because my son was in the ER. Nobody told me that I might get triggered. So I mean, I don't know. We don't know what we don't know. It's hard to say. Let's maybe take a risk. Let's talk. You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD, their comorbid depression, their anxiety. Oh, it's just a new. I'm your host and your ADHD Big Brother, Rush Jones. I've got ADHD too. I've got depression as well. It's crapastic. So let's learn some stuff. Let's laugh at some stuff. Let's make some commitments to do some stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. Hello. Welcome to the podcast. It's really nice to have you here. I appreciate you guys taking the time to listen to this. Um, I like that we hang out every week. It's nice. It's nice knowing you're there. If you would like to keep coming back, you want to be reminded to keep coming back, please subscribe to the podcast on uh, you know, whatever platform it is that you're listening to this on. Uh let's do the mental health report because that's boo bully. Uh, this is where we take a stab at normalizing, talking about our skull spaghetti. It's the good stuff, the bad stuff, the weird stuff, because we're not always fine. I'll say that I think I'm getting pretty good at being upfront and honest about where I'm at. Uh, it doesn't change the mood state, but man, I think it really helps to not always try to pretend that I've got my shit together. Case in point. Uh so the uh there's been some drama uh this last week, um, and that'll be part of this report. But for the um unmasking situation that I was just talking about, Emily had some friends in town, uh and so we had this concert to go to in Hollywood at the Henry Fonda Theater. Uh King Fisher was a band, if you guys anybody listens to them. Um, and it was general admission. It you just stand, it's not a huge venue. Henry Fonda Theater, it's like a it's like a club almost, and it's like this big open area, this big room where everyone is standing. Everybody just stands in front of the stage. Uh, and we're and then behind that is a is like a bar. And so we're standing at the bar, which is uh it's which is at the back. It's like there's a partition, uh, walls, I guess, and it but it's pretty open. So you can stand behind the wall and you still can see the main theater, you could still see everybody, the sea of people, because there's giant cutouts in the wall. And when the band started playing, like everybody in our group uh wanted to you know hear better or whatever, and so they all walked into the sea of people. And so I walked in with Emily, and the moment I walked in, uh I became aware of my presence in relationship to everyone. Um, so and I was taller than a lot of people, and the people behind me are smaller. So I wasn't thinking, oh neat, I can see the band better. It I was thinking, oh God, I'm in everybody's way. I'm taller, and the people behind me are smaller, so I'm ruining their night. And then I just start feeling like I'm cattle uh being herded. There's like a claustrophobic type of feeling. So the fun that I'm supposed to be having turns into literally, I'm no longer able to listen to the music. I'm just invaded with what's wrong about me being here right now. So I just told Emily, it's like, hey, I gotta, I'm gonna go to the back where we just were because I'm blocking everyone. And I just, I just love, I just left. And here's what I absolutely love about this woman is she just lets me go. And so I watched the concert from like what I guess you'd call it a lobby, basically. Could still see the band perfectly. I could hear them, and uh, but I had breathing room in terms of like my there's nobody around me, and it was nice. And Emily would come back and she would just check on me every couple of songs. Am I okay? How am I doing? Give me a hug, give me a kiss, and then back she goes. That is a dream woman right there. Um, and I'm proud of myself for not forcing myself to pretend that I'm not having a fucking crisis while everyone is rocking out. So, so we all got to be happy. And it was so awesome. But the real mental health struggle for me last week was my kid was in the ER twice. Uh, and I had a couple of what see, I guess what felt like day-long panic attacks. Uh because the ER he was in, it was the same ER as when he was three months old. Now, granted, he's 20 now, but when he was three months old, we almost lost him uh because of an intersusception that went like something went wrong with it, and he went, his body started going septic, and it was a fucking nightmare, obviously. It was one of those situations where the doctor was trying to stabilize him enough to have surgery. It was just so fucking chaotic and scrambling, and the doctor kept coming and saying we're doing everything we can. It was it was nuts. And they had some kind of psychiatrist that took us, took Gail and I into a room to help us, I don't know, calm us, maybe prepare us for something. I it was a mess, obviously. And so his trip to the ER brought everything flooding back in terms of emotion. And when I was at home, and when he went, uh was at his mom's house and they were like dealing with the medicine now, and I was losing it. I was telling Emily about this, I would just be like doing something, like washing a dish, and then I would just burst into like these wailing tears. You know, like in the movies, when the guy when the when the person's loved one is like dying in their arms, and then you see them like they die, and the person's like, no, and they just go crazy. That was me, but I'm doing a fucking dish. And I was like, that would have been so weird to have like a hidden camera in my apartment because it would have looked fucking crazy. It would just come on for like 30 seconds and then go away. My poor neighbors, they must think everyone I know is dead. They can I can only imagine some guy, some random bounce of like wailing. I'm actually cool with it, to be honest with you. Like this is what we're all about, right? Because uh, I wasn't trying to suppress anything, it was just like this is what's happening, I'm gonna get it out rather than try to shove it down. Um, so it's like been a roller coaster, and this is one of the things that I love about uh ADHD Big Brother is the people there, they're in there, they're so fucking supportive. And there are plenty of members that are going through plenty of garbage, and there are people in there and they're having a great time. And I love being around all of it. It's all about like giving and getting support, and I'm I think I'm in what I believe seems to be like a season of receiving support. Um, I definitely need it, and so the people that I surround myself with, they give it like everyone, my girlfriend, my kids, Gail, my ex-wife, even Noble in his misery, finds it in his heart. Like he's showing gratitude for the people that love him, and it's just it's a real beautiful thing going on. And even though it's sucky, right? Um, and even my other son, Alistair, he goes to the ER to be supportive. He's a junior in high school and he's there to support when his brother needs him. It's not by force. I love these kids. Um, and I hate it when they suffer. And inside ADHDB Brother, they've been really, really cool and supportive. So, shout out to everyone in the community, real quick. Um, we have a weekly support call, it's not for productivity. Uh, one of our members, uh Christina, shout out, Christina, what's up? She started facilitating a weekly support Zoom where we talk about what's going on in our lives. You know, we've had some doozies recently. Um, we've been, I think we've all been a little bit raw lately. And there's been a few of us that have been spiraling down, you know, because of life, you know. And I love having a space in our community to express this stuff uh and feel less alone for sure. Um, so listen, today I just want to remind you that if you need support, we are here for you. It doesn't always have to be about productivity. That just seems to be where I particularly excel in terms of helping. Like I congraduate you from the learning to the doing. Like I'm willing to stick with you as long as it takes, no matter how many times you fuck up, no matter how frustrated you get and how hopeless it all seems, I will still support as if it's the first time. I'm just very good at that. And truly, if you if this podcast means something to you, if it's helping you, please support me. Uh and what I'm doing. Financially is the best way right now. Or, you know, join our membership. Even if you don't show up right away, it's like taking me out to dinner once a month. And the result is that you get an entire collaboration of people willing and excited to support you wherever you're at in your life, myself included. A group of people, man. All showing up at various stages in their life. It's not a place that you do right or wrong, you know? It's not a place where it works for you or it doesn't. And it's not a fucking course, you guys. If you think a course is what's going to solve your backlog of to-dos, uh, I submit. I think uh I talked about this last week. ADHD years, we don't learn and then do. At least in my books, that's not the fast track. We do, and from the doing comes our unique learning about ourselves. So we have an online membership and that gives you access to people, human beings, and their ideas and their motivations and their successes. And most people start by needing support first. So come and take it. Be what you might consider selfish. It's how we all start. I need help, so please help me. That's just it. That's I have a problem, so please help solve the problem. I'm currently in a season of needing support, so you know, whatever. Ask for it. Great. And if you join, we will all help you. It is magical. Uh, I personally love it. Also, I should say this, you guys. We have a fun event coming up in the next 30 days. Sarah Vermont's coming to talk about intuition. Uh, we also finished reading No Mud, No Lotus in our book club. That was really good. And if you want to join and be in the upcoming book club, uh, we're gonna read No Bad Parts. That's an internal family systems book. And we're all getting the book and the first meeting where we're gonna discuss how we're gonna plan on running the sessions. Uh, we meet every other Friday to discuss. Um, sometimes it's about reading a chapter and sometimes it's about doing the exercises from the book. So if that's something you're interested in, join up, send me a message, I'll give you the details. And then also I've I've started offering up a new kind of coaching that is focused more on daily accountability, which is I offer that to all my one-on-one clients and the ones that participate in that, they truly make change a lot faster. If you're a person that is ready to make change and you're ready to make that change visible until it happens, through the good times and the bad times, through your successes and your failures, I can help you. Nothing beats daily support. We might even be able to make it fun. So book a free chat, and I'll put the link in the show notes to book the chat. It's the same appointment to suss out other ADHD coaching options I have, and I can even tell you more about the membership. So, whatever you like. I did want to talk briefly about um a perspective on our ADHD crap. Is it okay if I call it crap? Is that cool? The other day, my dishes were piling up, um, and I ignored them. Big fucking deal. And I know truly that I love waking up in the morning and oh, the kitchen is clean, and I don't always get that. Or I should say, I don't always gift myself that. I'm always, always, always battling the moment. The moment where I say, no, not right now. That is just who we are. So if you're a person that battles with that, I have a suggestion. I lean heavily on timers for this kind of stuff. No shame, no self-judgment. I give zero shits about this particular hack, you know, or workaround. I'm never gonna like doing the dishes. And I'll say this: if I'm anxious or seriously depressed, I don't do the fucking dishes. Oh wellzy belsies. Nobody's coming to kill me. This isn't, you know, relationship counseling. So if you're struggling with a spouse who doesn't get it, um, yeah, then uh join the community, blah, blah, blah. Uh be around people who understand you and can help you navigate it. Because sometimes it is fuck the dishes. You know, sometimes I'm not going to do them is fine. But what I can do sometimes when I have the time, I can set a timer for 10 minutes and half ass the dishes. If I wasn't gonna do the dishes anyway, then who gives a flying fuckstick? I like how gently I said that. It was almost like it wasn't a curse word. I don't give a flying fuckstick if it's if I only go through half of them, who cares? It's closer to being done, right? Have you ever experienced the glory of quitting at something that was making you miserable? I'm not not necessarily a job, although that probably feels great, but I'm being like, like, yeah, I meant to do that. I meant to quit. That was the plan. It's okay that I quit. It doesn't mean I suck, it doesn't mean I'm incapable, and it doesn't mean shit. I said I was gonna do dishes for 10 minutes, and I did dishes for 10 minutes. I did it. One of the things that I absolutely hate. You taste my opposition there, can't you? Uh, one of the things that I really don't like about productivity books and ADHD books is that they're all, and I think they have to be, really. They have to give you all the various, and if this happens, try this. And if that happens, here's an idea to try. And if so, then if you go, it's like a giant menu of like a giant tree of like, and then you follow this path and you do this, and then you do that. You're never gonna remember any of that shit in the moment. Can we agree on that? To think that you will read a productivity book and then when the moment counts, you're gonna recall the solution that works. It's not a real thing. I'm so sorry. Not on my particular planet, and that planet is Earth. All these questions that keep that come up, like, well, what if this and what if that? What if I wanted to finish the dishes? What if I can't get started in on the 10 minutes? What if I get a phone call? What if something else comes up? What if I crap my pants? What if my dopamine receptors are low? What if one of my kneecaps explodes? Like while you're doing the dishes? Yeah, what if it explodes? How do I what do I do? Go to the hospital. The risk to take here is to do a thing, even though you don't have all the answers. Keep it super simple. The timer is what helps with me and my not now feeling. The feeling that makes a task seem impossible because it's like it's too big in our minds. There's too much tension to it. This helps because it gives you the doorway out. Ten minutes and then you're done. You get to quit. Without the timer, it can feel like an indefinite task, like a dramatic, like it's it's a forever. And that makes it a not right now, no fucking way. I'll do it later. So by using the timer for a short period of time, you know, screw it, do five minutes. It's still more than zero minutes. And you get to know yourself in the process. This is the whole doing and then you learn aspect here. Like this is why I'm such an accountability nerd. Have a thing that you're doing daily and paying attention to and talking about with someone else. That is the secret sauce. And I say take the risk because we're going against the brain. People will tell me things like, I'm afraid to stop because I don't know when I'll have the energy to do this again. Or they'll say, I'm in the flow. And if I stop, I'm worried I won't get it back. Risk it. Hell yeah. See what happens. Even though you may never get it back. Oh my God. Whoa, geez. You'll never do another dish for the rest of your life. Risk it. Risk quitting. See how it feels. And on the other side, even though you may never get that random inspiration to get into the flow to do your taxes ever again. Like that's never gonna come back. Risk it. See what happens. As long as you don't die, you're not gonna be fired, and nobody's gonna divorce you. See what happens when you risk it. Try that out. Fuck the brain and all its fears and its patterns from your past, and then your other fears, and then those other patterns from the past, and then these other fears. Like fuck the brain. Screw it. I think with ADHD, we need to pivot away from the brain and focus more on the heart. Mindset is stupid. Ooh, growth mindset. Ooh, abundance mindset. Yeah. I can clearly have very oppositional, but you know what? Fuck mindset shifting. Heart set. You want to adopt a better heart set? Oh god, where we care and we support. Those are magical words. I have a supportive heart set. What a lovely human. I have a nurturing heart set. I have an open heart set. Oh my god, what a delight. That would inform so much better quote unquote thinking if we worked on our heart set. Alrighty, that'll do it. I hope we all work on our heart set this week. Get some good sleep, drink some water. There we go. Get some sunshine if it's available. And if you want to practice a supportive heart set, come and join ADHD Big Brother. Link is in the show notes. Always explore those show notes. Subscribe to the podcast if you want to stay up to date on your old pal Russ. When I give you guys these mental health reports, it's this past week. It's happening right now. Join us. And we will all use our open and nurturing heart set to support you. Oh God, that feels so nice to say that. Like that's so much nicer than mindset. So, you know, we don't have to play by the rules of the game. It's whatever we want it to be. Have yourselves a fantastic week. Hope to see you in the community, and I shall talk to you later.