Reduce Your Overwhelm and Stress with Anxiety Bingo

Here we are, talking about anxiety again, because fear and worry are a regular part of our lives as special needs moms. I have to say, I feel like a bit of an imposter, because this is an area I still work on all of the time. On this solo episode, I am going to share a tool that I've created for us, to make managing our anxiety a little less like work and more like a game. Imagine turning your anxiety management into a game where each small practice, like self-talk or an easy stroll, earns you points towards a more settled mind. I'll guide you through 10 of the 24 strategies that can help maintain and restore your personal "health meter". From the simplicity of staying hydrated to the invigorating shock of cold therapy, we cover the spectrum of techniques that can anchor you in the present moment and regulate your physiology. I encourage you to integrate these practices into your daily life, using the bingo card as a fun and tangible way to track your progress and celebrate your wins.

Resources from this episode:
Download Your Anxiety Bingo Card Here!
The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
Episode 189: Bringing Balance Back to the Language of Disability with Effie Parks

Trauma Series with Meghann Crane-Russ
Episode 187: Understanding Trauma As A Gateway to Healing
Episode 188: Trauma In The Body, In The Mind, & In Our Lives
Episode 189: Trauma Recovery Resources for the Special Needs Mom
Connect with Meghann Crane-Russ

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Coaching Opportunities
Pathway to Peace {Group Coaching Program}: Schedule a Consult or Contact Me

Join The Special Needs Mom Podcast Community FaceBook Group!! Click here to Request to Join

Transcript

Kara: 1:54

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible, and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome, hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom Podcast.

Kara: 3:07

This episode is going to talk about a repeated conversation here, but not unnecessarily so. We're not actually going to talk a lot about anxiety in and of itself. This episode is all about giving you a tangible and, might I even say, a fun tool to use if you have anxiety and I think the big if has a asterisk by it, because there's not a lot of you that I talk to that don't say that they experience anxiety in some sort of way. So we're going to talk about it. We're going to keep talking about it, because the whole point of what I do over here is we don't stop. We don't stop over here, so we're going to keep going at it. And you might notice that I have been talking a lot about anxiety lately and I know that you're eager for more support because of what I mentioned earlier, and I have to admit this is an area that I struggle to feel like somebody that can be your guide or your coach. I know professionally that I don't have to be the expert or have mastered something to help somebody else in it. It's not how coaching works but I can't help but feel a little fraudy. Maybe the correct English is feel like a fraud, but I like the word fraudy, so we're going to go with it.

Kara: 4:24

And why do I feel this way? Well, I think it's because I still feel anxious all the time, and when I say all the time, perhaps a better way to say it. I still often have anxiety is a better way to say that. And I do a lot, I take on a lot. I have many, many things I do regularly to help with anxiety, and yet I still feel anxiety, more than I wish I did, more than I want to. And, as I mentioned earlier, what this means for me is that I'm going to just keep going. I'm going to keep doing all the things and I'm going to try I don't always do this great not making a story about it that something's wrong with me when it doesn't work as well as I'd like it to magically work, because I know, I know it doesn't mean anything, doesn't have any meaning that I have anxiety. But I want to share this out loud because I know I'm not the only one who is experiencing this and my commitment to y'all is to tell the whole story, not just the rainbow on the other side.

Kara: 5:26

And I also think it's important to expose the belief that we shouldn't feel the way that we do, like in my situation. I shouldn't have anxiety, but I do. This is a quick road to shame, or, like I mentioned earlier, that if we feel a certain way, that there's something wrong or flawed in us. I think I indicated it earlier, but I'll reiterate that it's an area I struggle with compassion because I do have a tendency to have a high expectation of myself. It's like one of those things where it's awesome because I think I do a lot of cool things, because I expect a lot, but it's also a little heavy to carry that expectation all the time. So I have had to really practice on lowering that and becoming aware of when I'm expecting myself to do perhaps what's just not very nice. And so having compassion for still having anxiety when I would prefer not to is tricky for me. It's kind of an area where I happen to sometimes get stuck. And then this makes so much sense when we layer in all the effects of trauma into our own emotional regulation.

Kara: 6:35

And actually I'll mention that you can go back to episodes 186, 187, and 188, which were three episodes that I did in partnership with Meghann Crane-Russ and it was a series on trauma, and I'm going to take a little side note to talk about Meghann. She's a beloved part of Pathway to Peace now, at least for this next month, and I've decided to bring her in as an additional layer of support for the ladies who are so bold as to join us in the program. And, yes, this is a plug for you to take the bold step to consider the program, to look into it, to ask yourself what if I had that type of community. I do have to say that over the last couple months, the community aspect of this program has really developed and has evolved into, like this really beautiful space. I get to see these ladies holding space for each other and to provide this environment, this container to come exactly as they are, yet also to collectively be seeking growth More of what they want is maybe one way to say it.

Kara: 7:47

Okay, back to trauma and anxiety. I've said this on other episodes before, but the double whammy of trauma is that you'll become dysregulated more easily and you'll have a harder time becoming regulated. Anxiety is a word to describe your body when it's dysregulated. In other words, anxiety is fear-based. Anxiety is fear-based and dysregulation means that your nervous system is outside of a zone in which you're able to think, to feel and to learn the best, and so that's where it's like. Okay, I get why moms like us have anxiety to begin with, and secondly, perhaps have a harder time regulating and or addressing anxiety. All that being said, let's get further along into this episode.

Kara: 8:45

Way long ago I don't know how long I didn't look it up I recorded a podcast about anxiety In the podcast group that we have on Facebook. Moms were like okay good, like, do you have any tools? Like, do you have any like lists, like, I need a little bit more. Which made a ton of sense, and at the time I didn't. But I made a mental note saying, hey, this would be a really great thing to do, and that mental note now, you know, got us this episode and, for whatever reason, at the time that this request was made, I pictured a bingo card and that each little square would be one practice area, one tool that one could use to tend to your own anxiety. I loved it.

Kara: 9:30

For me, the bingo card concept I'm kind of geeking out on this idea is because it expresses this idea of like, experimentation and trying and having many different options to see what is effective for you, and this picture of having, like this menu, if you will, a fun way of having a menu and being able to look at all the different options and to see what seems accessible and perhaps like okay, I can do that and trying it and seeing how it works. Not that the goal. I mean, you don't like cross the whole bingo card off, like when you play bingo, like you just have to get like five in a row. So I guess we're kind of playing an alternative style. Oh, actually, you know what in bingo they do sometimes have it where you finish the whole card. Now that I say that. So, side note, we went on a Disney cruise just a year ago and I got really into bingo. You could have a pretty big winnings and I don't know, you put like 40 or 50 bucks in, I don't remember, but I like really thought I was going to win. I did not, but I did have a lot of fun.

Kara: 10:34

So back to the bingo card concept. Here it's not so much like we, you know, we cross the box off and say, yay, we checked the box mark to help our anxiety as in this actually worked and we can tell that it worked. It's not as black and white as that. Most of, and actually I'd say almost all of, the practices have what I would describe as a cumulative effect, and there's this picture that I have as I described that, which my editor is going to love because she's an avid gamer. So I watch my kids play video games. Lately it's been Sneaky Sasquatch, I think it's called that, and it used to be Zelda, and basically all of these games of this kind of genre.

Kara: 11:18

They have some sort of life or health meter. It's like this you might take on one thing in the game and the health meter moves one point. Or you get a heart I love those and it might be so small that doesn't make a difference. But what I want you to see is the compound effect and actually that's a great book, by the way, the compound effect by Darren Hardy. But back to the point point. When you get one point, not a big deal, but when you get one point, and then you get one point, and then you get one point, and I think you see where I'm going with this you all of a sudden have 10 points and then you can feel a difference and then, better yet, some tools or some practices that you'll have developed a relationship with will give you an automatic 10 points. Okay, you see where I'm going with this. I want you to approach your anxiety, our anxiety, like a game, thus the bingo card, and I'll be so bold as to suggest that you play to find the tools and practices that help you move your health meter.

Kara: 12:29

And since I just can't help a good analogy we're going to continue on with the video game theme and I'm going to point out what might be somewhat obvious, but you know, there always comes a time in a game when you battle the big boss, and the reason I know this is because I say to my kids hey, turn off the game. Like no, I can't, I'm at the big boss. I'm like I have no idea what that is, but it is a term. I'm picturing Alex, my editor, laughing right now. Okay, so you're at the big boss and your health meter can take a pretty big hit and let's just say get dangerously low. Big hit, and let's just say get dangerously low.

Kara: 13:11

And in our life, back to us, as not bosses on video games, these for us could be anxiety for IEP meetings, hospitalizations, new diagnoses, stuff totally irrelevant to our motherhood, like family issues, marital challenges, like family issues, marital challenges, behavioral challenge I mean there are so many things that I will equate to battling the big boss. And with the analogy, like these things can take a really big chunk out of your health meter or your life meter. So the takeaways here is I want you to consider that, entering those big boss moments, it would be helpful to have a foolish health meter, to have your tank full, to actually have your nervous system at a place where it is regulated, to not like go into the battle already on a low tank. And second part here is after you make it out of the battle, after you beat the boss, you're going to need to take on a little something to restore your health meter to its optimum level. Notice, I didn't say like to 100%, because I think there are moments in time when we'll be at 100%, but, as we know, life is always happening, so it's going to fluctuate and really never stay at one level all the time.

Kara: 14:34

Let's turn, now that I'm done geeking out on all of my analogies, let's turn it to take a quick snapshot and looking at anxiety itself. You might remember me talking about in other episodes that anxiety is another way of saying fear. It's based in fear and specifically it's fear of the future, and so it's when I say it that way I'm like, so definitely understandable why special needs moms have a lot of anxiety, and so you'll notice that many of the practices that I'm going to go on to describe in this episode, and further than that, are designed to bring you awareness and presence to the here and now, because you can't get rid of anxiety if you're going to stay in the fear of the future. So shifting to bring presence and awareness to here and now and letting go of the future is a huge component of it. And also the practices are designed and pointed towards your physiology, the actual parts of your body that exist, and working with your nervous system that way. Okay, are you ready for the list? Here's what I decided.

Kara: 15:52

I'm going to go through the top 10 here in the podcast. I feel like going through like 24 is a lot verbally. I think this is a tool that is going to be best used printed and, you know, hopefully one day wrinkled, because you've crossed off so many things and you've used it to such extent. So the tool I'm going to give to you, should you ask for it and I can email it to you, is going to be the whole bingo card and then basically resources to easily implement any of the suggested items in each square, and so we're going to go over 10 today and the rest will be available if you ask for it. And just to be abundantly clear, you can ask for it via link in the show notes. And also I'll probably mention it on social media, just because I think it's so easy when you're on the media to be able to just, you know, oh yes, I do want to do that versus when you're, you know, running around listening to a podcast. You know how to find me.

Kara: 16:53

And then one more thing, before I finally get to the list, none of these are going to be probably like oh my gosh, I've never heard of that. That's completely new, kara. Why didn't anyone tell me earlier? I'm going to talk a little bit more detailed about these 10 and why I chose these 10. But here's my guess is that you haven't tried them, or you've tried them once and decided they didn't work. And so this is me standing before you saying let's practice these together, even though they're small, for whatever reason, they can be hard to implement or hard to maintain as a part of our routine. The goal that I have for you from this episode is that you are practicing whatever it is consistently that gets you to practice these small yet mighty things that add up to really big things in your life, deal, okay, so I've just picked out 10. We're going to start with the first one.

Kara: 17:48

This could be said in a million different ways, but I'm calling it self-talk, the star component, the lead characteristic of this conversation that I'm suggesting that you can have with yourself, like maybe in the mirror, maybe just out loud, like in the car when you're driving. The lead way of being I want you to show up for yourself is with compassion. That's the way I want you to show up for yourself. I should say, that's the way I invite you to show up with yourself compassion and encouragement. And you could say something like this, even just to kind of remind yourself where you're at Kara, you are okay. You are okay right now and you will be okay. And some of this is less conversation, words with yourself, but it's just being with yourself in a space of compassion. That can be really, really, really effective.

Kara: 18:43

And the next one is stroll. I mean you could say walk, but I mean I feel like stroll sounds so much more leisurely, really. I mean I think this is very, very simple. Effie and I talked about it in the episode that we recorded together there's so many benefits to walking. It can be walking for exercise, like of course it can, but I think also what we're talking about is just walking, just being out, moving your body, and if you want to be a total overachiever, like outside in nature, for, like gosh, up to an hour, how amazing I can guarantee you. You take a walk outside in nature for an hour. You're going to come back feeling different and I know you're probably thinking like, oh, my gosh, kara, like really, am I going to have time for that? I know, I know, but stick with me, because we're not asking if we can, we're asking how can we? We're asking yourself a different question Because we know we can and we're going to figure out how. Okay.

Kara: 19:44

Third, one phone a friend, and this can also be said a different way as in text a friend or DM, a friend or vox a friend. The idea is you're connecting with another human being and there is something that happens when you say your story out loud, or when you speak out loud, what you're thinking or more specifically, what you're fearing, it loses its power, even sometimes just the act of saying it and hearing yourself say it out loud, you hear it and you're kind of like the second. That's not true, I know it's not true and it really deflates the power it has when it lives in your mind. So phone a friend. Okay, number four plan versus do.

Kara: 20:37

This actually refers back to several episodes I've done on the way that you go about your days and your weeks. So many of us just get out the to do list and then we instantly feel overwhelmed, and then we go to bed feeling discouraged because, of course, we did not like accomplish what the list said we could or should, and over and over again, and there's a lot of shoulds and a lot of guilt and a lot of again discouragement in that process, and a lot of guilt and a lot of again discouragement in that process, and then, of course, anxiety. And so the difference here is learning to plan your day and or your week and or your month, versus just jumping right in and doing the to do list game. Okay, if you're like, I don't know how to do that, I'm going to have notes on this resource that I'm making available to you, so you will be left supported.

Kara: 21:32

Number five some of you might not like this one, but it's limiting social media. It's interesting, I think that you know. Anywhere we're consuming social media. It has pros and cons. There's so many pros to it.

Kara: 21:47

I'm not against social media by any means, but sometimes in some stages, you're going to find that it is not helpful for your brain to continue to feed it the real stories of people you see on the internet and I've never really talked about this, actually, but but naturally my social media feed is filled with moms that have children with all the different types of disabilities, and I've chosen not to follow back and I hate this actually because I'm like I love everyone. I don't want to exclude anyone. That's actually really hard for me, but I don't follow everyone back for the specific reason that I know that if, when I go on social media, all I see is the other moms that are in my shoes that are dealing with the hard things that I'm dealing with, that I'm going to become very discouraged and filled with the ideas of all the ideas of how things can go wrong and how hard and bad things are. So I have cultivated not perfectly by any means the way that I access and consume social media specifically. So it is helpful to me and even with that, there's some Facebook groups that have been huge resources to me in our own health journey, and sometimes it is not helpful for me to go to those groups, especially when you get a new diagnosis and you're either trying to find the best case or the worst case scenario.

Kara: 23:21

Okay, so, number five limit social media. This could be same set for news, but I mean who really not watches the news anymore? We, I think, go to social media. This could be same set for news, but I mean, who really not watches the news anymore? We, I think, go to social media. Okay, number six tapping. And you're like, wait, what? Like tapping? Yes, tapping, it's also called emotional freedom technique and it is. It's tapping, like literally tapping with your hands on certain parts of your body, specifically different reading points, and usually you would say a script or have some type of meditation along with it, and it really kind of works at that physiological level. It literally taps into your nervous system and opens up a space for you to process in a way that maybe is not as accessible when you're not tapping. It's something that I love, because you don't have to have a lot of focus when you're like you have to focus, but you don't have to focus as in meditation. Like just really that mindfulness. Don't worry, that's on the list too, but I'm not going to talk about that one. This, don't worry, that's on the list too, but I'm not going to talk about that one, but it, for lack of better words, like it's dummy proof Anybody can do it and it can be effective on anybody, and you literally can't do it wrong. So I mean, dream come true, right, and I will. Resources for the app that I use. And then, even beyond that, there's people that are specific coaches in this and I happen to work with one and it's really amazing.

Kara: 24:48

Okay, number seven, yoga. And I'm adding this one again because I'm like this is not new news everybody, but I'm adding this one because I just started doing yoga and I don't know what's going on with my body. I think it's not happy. It's the moral of the story, but ever since the last hospitalization, which was like a month, month and a half ago, my body is just really, really sore, and it's not something that is new to me. I've had this experience before and I feel like in other ways I've been able to calm it down, but I had put a pause on my gym membership and unpaused it, and it's like time to go back, but I'm like I can't even imagine doing that. My body already hurts and I haven't even worked out. And so I really sat with it and I was like I don't want to, I don't want to go hurt more. And so I decided and they have several different yoga classes and it's virtual, so it's like not super ideal, but you know what? One small step at a time.

Kara: 25:47

So I started doing these yoga classes because I'm like, because I'm kind of the cheapo, and I was like I don't want to like lose what I paid for. So that's great motivation for me. And so I've been doing these 25 minute yoga classes and for me, and actually the realization I had this morning was this isn't hard enough. That was like the thought that I had like this is too easy, and I thought, well, isn't hard enough. That was like the thought that I had like this is too easy. And I thought, well, isn't that funny that I think that I have to be working hard in everything I do, that everything has to be hard. And so it was really just a beautiful moment of recognizing, even if yoga feels quote unquote easy, it's still very effective. And how great is that for something to be easy and effective. You know, if I even just look at today, is that like for something to be easy and effective? You know, if I even just look at today, the difference that I felt 25 minutes after this particular yoga session, it was just like okay, like I am moving in the direction I want to move in. I'm now ready to start my day in a way that I feel sourced and grounded and slowed my breath down and all those things, and so that was great.

Kara: 26:46

So yoga Number eight this one's guided imagery, and this was really cool. So actually I mentioned earlier that Megan has come in to be part of the Pathway to Peace group coaching program and she has provided some resources for guided imagery and it was so cool to have her take us through these exercises or this particular one. And not only does it actually have a take us through these exercises or this particular one, and not only does it actually have a huge impact in the moment, but the idea is that you can take the images that you generate and the experience you generate. You can take that outside of the call. So it kind of has these exponential or I think there's a different word I'm not catching but like it's bigger than just the minute that you put in there, or the hour, I guess, and so I also have some tools specifically for that, and so those will also be in notes.

Kara: 27:37

Okay, this one I put on here because I was like you know what this is, one that we don't associate always to anxiety, but I think it's really interesting and I love it because I'm like who can say that they can't do this one? The answer is nobody. And number nine is drink water. Interestingly, dehydration can exacerbate symptoms of anxiety, so the simplistic act of drinking sufficient water for you can support you and move up that life meter or that health meter in relationship to anxiety and, of course, many other things.

Kara: 28:13

All right, the last one, the final one, and I chose cold therapy, and this is actually one I'm excited to try more. I haven't really done any and trying to think as I say that, like, have I done any? And I'm calling it cold therapy? Essentially it's using temperature to impact and regulate your nervous system, and so I could tell you the science behind it, but that'll be in the document that I share with you and it's, you know, there's a lot of science and this would be doing things like. The most extreme version is like the cryotherapy, like where you, you know, go freeze yourself for like five minutes, or cold plunge. You don't have to go that extreme. You can simply have ice cubes in your hands, you can take a cold shower, you can put your face in cold water, so all of those are effective at using temperature to again affect your physiology in service of supporting your anxiety.

Kara: 29:13

And I don't want these to be nice ideas. I really want you to consider implementing them. I don't mean I was going to say a number, but like I'm not going to say a number because it's not like if you go do five of these things, you're going to feel better. But I want you to use the bingo card and I want you to play with it and, yeah, if you share with me what you're doing, I will be cheering you along and clapping along with you and, I think, collectively, if we take this on, I think we can really be a community that, yes, is doing really hard things oh my gosh, we do really hard things and supports ourselves at a really high level. And so I know we're up for this, and I also know that it's not a check the box and we're good. Wouldn't that be great, all right. Well, download the resource, use it, let me know how it goes and we'll see you all on the next episode. Thank you, thank you.