When the Diagnosis Breaks You Open with Erin Trier

This conversation with Erin Trier was equal parts heart, healing, and hard truths. Erin is a mom of four, a health coach, and someone who knows the weight of navigating rare diagnoses and emotional overwhelm. She shares about her son Brendan’s long, winding path to a diagnosis of Tuberous Sclerosis Complex—and what it’s been like to mother through so much uncertainty, grief, and resilience.

We talked about how it feels when your family life doesn't look the way you dreamed it would, and the importance of making space for all the feelings—especially the ones we don’t usually say out loud.

Erin brought her insight not only as a mom in the trenches, but also as a wellness coach and someone deeply passionate about supporting women in caring for themselves well—even when time and energy are limited. We also dug into sleep, therapy, the all-or-nothing trap, and how baby steps are actually the big deal.

You’re going to feel seen, validated, and maybe even challenged to believe that small things count.

Get To Know Erin:

• Instagram: @erinktrier
• YouTube: @erinktrier
• Facebook: ektrier
• Website: erintrier.com
• Podcast: Empowered in Health by Erin Trier

Resources Mentioned: 

• The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
• Episode 76: Having Impermissible Thoughts About Your Special Needs Child

Get The Special Needs Mom Survival Pack HERE

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Transcript

Kara: 1:15

Hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. Do you ever meet people and just think they are really incredible? This is how I feel about Erin, who is our guest today? Erin Trier. I. Specifically, she has a way of being that is very driven, very intentional, yet also the authentic and vulnerable. So it's a really kind of a, a cool pairing, and I think you'll get to experience that as she and I explore her story and actually a little bit of her expertise in this episode. Let me tell you a little bit about who she is as a human. So Erin lives in Park City, Utah with her husband, Dave. They have been married for 16 years and have four children. So I like her already because like we're kind of similar. Amelia 13, Brendan 11, Jillian seven, and Rowan five. She studied social work and psychology and worked in corporate human resources and has been a health coach for the past decade. Now as we get into this episode. I wanna highlight a resource that I didn't mention in the episode, but we talk about some of the very hard actual thoughts and feelings that we have as special needs moms and I bring up a message that I got from a fellow mom over on Instagram, and there's a podcast episode. Like I said, I didn't mention it during the conversation with Aaron, but I wanna make sure you have it as a resource. If this part of the conversation really resonates with you, and the episode that I created is called Impermissible Thoughts, we'll have the link to that actual episode in the show notes. But I mean, as the name suggests, this idea is like sometimes we have these thoughts that maybe we feel like if anyone knew what we were thinking. Like, I mean, game over. Yet you're having these thoughts. So in the episode on Impermissible Thoughts, we talk about it and I hope my, my goal is that you actually walk away thinking nothing's wrong with me. I'm not a terrible mom, actually, I'm a wonderful human that is deserved of support and love and help. So go ahead and check that out if you resonate with that part of the conversation. And the other thing I wanna mention before we get into the interview is that I just finished, actually, I'm still making a few finishing touches, but I just finished creating a new, and I'm gonna say pretty cool resource for you. Called the Special Needs Mom Survival Pack. So this is a resource that is kind of a two part. The first part is A-P-D-F-A printable and beautiful resource that includes several different survival aspects. Actually, I look at specific support that's approachable, accessible, all the things for you where you're at now. I have that, but I also have a private podcast that I recorded. So they, the two work together. And the private co podcast is really bringing the survival pack to life and hopefully making it so that these resources go from a cool idea to something that you're actually using to support yourself. So that was my intention as I created this. And so, go ahead. And what you'll do is just. Gimme your email. I'll send them right over to you. Then you'll get to be also in the email sphere and get updates on all the different things that we're we got going on. You'll be the first to know. Yeah, I had a lot of fun thinking about how to make this effective and actually being helpful, so let me know how it goes. And with that, let's welcome Aaron to the show. Erin, welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast.

Erin: 5:21

Thank you so much for having me, Kara. I am so grateful to connect with you, my friend.

Kara: 5:25

Yes. before we started recording, I was telling her how about, when we first connected, I was just getting sick and I think I was entering the delirium and I was like, I cannot remember what we talked about. But I do remember it was really deeply connecting and I just really, was excited about this next conversation. So if you're like, I already told you this and it sounds new to me now, you know why? but let's start with giving our listeners, let's do a snapshot like, so in your life today, where do you live? What's your family look like? How do you spend your days?

Erin (2): 5:56

Such a great question'cause I feel like my days are, different in a lot of different ways. I'm married to my husband Dave. We live in Park City, Utah. we've been out here about eight years. We both grew up in the Midwest, so I was in Chicago my whole life,

Kara: 6:08

I.

Erin (2): 6:09

moved out here for his job and we've been out here eight years and it's been such a blessing for our family. have four kiddos, 13, 11, 7, and five. And I'm an entrepreneur. I work in the wellness space, so my days are kind of. Sporadic and all over the place. a lot of the time is spent on continuing to build my business and figuring out ways to just serve in the wellness space in different ways that I feel called to do so. But it's also balancing motherhood and balancing appointments and you know, trying to keep our house in order and all the things. So I feel like every single day is different, and that's probably one of the biggest things I've had to embrace as a busy mom and entrepreneur is that. Life is messy and busy and different every single day. And that's just kind of the reality. And that's okay. So that's a little snapshot about me.

Kara: 6:56

That's awesome. Do you like having it different every day? I love having, I always tell people, I was like, I would starve. I wouldn't starve, but, if I had to do like a job where I like checked in and checked out at the same time, I was like, that would be real hard for my brain to do.

Erin (2): 7:09

it'd be really hard for my brain to do. I actually,

Kara: 7:12

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 7:12

corporate HR right outta college. you know, I enjoyed that time and learned so much, but for where I am now in my life for our family's needs, for what I'm craving to do as far as impact goes, that would be really hard for me too. So yes, I do like variety and having days feel different. Some days super busy, some days not as much. being able to kind of dictate my schedule a little bit more and having that freedom has been really profound, especially for our family and kind of balancing what my kiddos need too. So, yeah, I am, I'm with you. It would be very hard for my brain.

Kara: 7:46

Yeah, definitely. Well, let's dive in a little bit more to your special needs child. And I'd love if you would just give, as much as you feel comfortable sharing here, a little snapshot of what, what his health journey has looked like.

Erin (2): 8:00

Yeah, it's been quite a journey for us and I think the hardest part for our family for a long time is everything was kind of inconclusive. And so Brendan is our 11-year-old son and. the early stages of his life, we started to see like little things pop up. his eyes were misaligned once he started to sit up. And then right before his second birthday, he had his first round of little seizures. And then we went into the hospital, we did all the testing, you know, had a lot of evaluations done, a lot of scans done, and everything again was kind of inconclusive. Like they didn't really know why he had this round of. Seizures. They kind of came and then they left. And there wasn't any definitive information on why. And so the neurologist at the time had said, you know, maybe this was just a round of toddler focused seizures and he's gonna grow out of them. And you know, that's that. And so that was actually right before. We moved to where we are now. So that happened right before his second birthday. Before he turned three, we made our move out to Utah, from two years old to eight years old, we saw nothing related to physical symptoms, right? Or physical changes in his body other than just like typical development. but we did start to see some more on the behavioral side, right? Some, some emotional regulation, differences, some behavior differences and things like that. So we went through a lot of different interventions, went to early intervention, you know, some mental health therapists and things like that, occupational therapy to kind of help him feel supported and where he needed behaviorally. And then on the morning of his eighth birthday, he had. A seizure as he was getting up outta bed, fell outta bed, turned blue, stopped breathing. We called EMS. It was really traumatic for us because we had seen nothing for six years

Kara: 9:42

Yeah.

Erin (2): 9:43

and you know, that morning is so. It like etched in my mind because

Kara: 9:47

Vivid.

Erin (2): 9:48

this vivid thing that just flipped the script for our family very

Kara: 9:52

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 9:53

And so, you know, we took him straight to the ER that morning. you know, we kind of talked through his history and that kind of led us down this exploratory road of what was maybe happening underneath the surface. Because in addition to seizures, we started, like I said, we saw the behavioral side and then we also started to see some of these things. On his skin, which we now know are called angio fibromas, that at the time, dermatologists, et cetera, could not identify or figure out. it was this, this slow peeling back the onion of like, what could this be? What is it? We now have seizures, we now have this potential skin condition. Like what is actually going on? And so for the last three or so years we've been doing all kinds of scans, you know, MRIs, ct, EK, G, all the things, EEGs in the brain, trying to really understand what's going on and. time. And finally last year, we definitively came to the diagnosis of Tubus Sclerosis Complex, and that is a very rare genetic disorder that affects major organs in the body. the diagnosis typically shows up as tumors in these different, body systems. So tumors in the brain, tumors on the kidneys, on the heart, typically on the skin, on the eyes, sometimes in the lungs. And so. Through meeting with different specialists and doing all these scans. That's how we finally put the pieces together. And so he has, you know, a variety of different things that come with this diagnosis. epilepsy has been something we've clearly started to confirm, over time, because we still don't have seizure control ever since that eighth birthday seizure, that vivid day, like he, we have not had seizure control since. he's now 11, so we're still working through like what do we need to do to support him from seizure standpoint? and then from a behavior side, emotional health side, things like that. We've finally moved into an, an official autism diagnosis last year, but even that was inconclusive and a lot of inconclusive along the way. Right? so in a lot of ways, you know, in the past year and a half, our family has felt a little bit better because we have more clarity. it's also been a lot of working through trauma, working through like things we maybe missed along the way somehow. You know, I've had to wrestle a lot as a mom with, where did I go wrong with not necessarily getting to this place sooner for him and for our family. but I also have realized that. There's a lot of grace in this journey and you know, you kind of have to get to this place of realizing that you're doing the best you can, and you're also learning along the way as you are going through it too. so that's really in a nutshell, our journey and, kind of where we are today.

Kara: 12:33

Yeah. Wow. There's so many follow up questions I have. and thank you for highlighting the part where I. Your mom mind goes to the, what did I miss? Where did I go wrong? Basically, what could I have done to change this? And I think it's, of course as moms, we want that answer. How can we have prevented our child from having to suffer? And I think we, you know, probably you've concluded is like, we probably couldn't have prevented that. And it doesn't necessarily stop us from asking the question though. And that you, are able to see that grace upon grace is what is, really necessary as part of our recovery and, and essentially restoration journey from all the different, what I'll call blows along the way of, of this mothering journey you've had so far. If you go back to between his 2-year-old and 8-year-old. Phase when you didn't necessarily know something, like a genetic diagnosis was happening, but you saw some behavioral stuff. what do you remember was going on in your mind as you had these little things popping up but nothing conclusive?

Erin (2): 13:46

Yeah, nothing conclusive. I, I always knew that there was a uniqueness to Brendan for sure. But I had a hard time really pinpointing what it was or explaining what it was because of the different interventions we were going through, the doctors and practitioners we were working with. Like a lot of our conversations with them were, you know, these are maybe his deficits or these are the ways that he's unique, but he's also. Learning these skills and building these skills and adapting to X, y, Z that we're trying to teach him. So that was always an interesting dynamic. We were trying to kind of uncover was going through these interventions, we're uncovering potential deficits, but then he's able to make progress and improve. And so that was always kinda the back and forth conversation we were trying to have with. Everyone, right from school to counselors to our pediatrician, everyone. so with that like kind of ebb and flow with, these are the deficits, but he's making progress. We had a hard time really identifying what it was that made him so unique. Right. and you know, we did a lot of variety of testing. We didn't really go into more of the autistic specific testing until the last two years, but we did do an early intervention kind of assessment on A DHD autism. Some of those. differences around kindergarten. And again, he, it was more inconclusive. He didn't meet all the criteria and so he was able to learn certain skills and so I kind of just rolled with it. Right. And There are some times when I think through like certain situations that happened that I wish I maybe would've dug a little bit deeper sooner, or I would've figured out a way to like. Find a different place to, to connect to or get more research and information on or advocate through, or whatever you want to call it. because it did feel very uncertain, but I kind of had this headspace of, well, you know, a lot of the people we're connecting with are saying that he's learning these skills. So maybe it's just something he's gonna grow out of, or maybe it's something that he's gonna grow into. And, you know, we stayed in that head space for a little while, and then, you know, as he's grown older and more has come up, you know, the path has become much more clear on where we need to continue to support him. But there were definitely seasons where I felt like I just don't even know exactly how to make sense of this. And I, I, I took the guidance of a lot of the practitioners we were working with.

Kara: 16:07

Yeah, there's like this, it seems like there's like this push and pull, that you had where it's like, okay, like challenge here. But it's, you know, the, the support we're giving him is supporting him, you know, as in it's kind of closing the gap. I can imagine it was very hard to find your footing in terms of, okay, like are we like going to, have some disabilities that are long term or are we not? The disorientation that that must have created for you as a mom as you're supporting this child

Erin (2): 16:33

yeah.

Kara: 16:34

And then. You got a conclusive diagnosis. So what was that like after kind of being in this dance of this like hope and hard dance for like so long, and then finally getting something that was very conclusive? What was that like for you?

Erin (2): 16:50

It was heartbreaking.

Kara: 16:52

Yeah.

Erin (2): 16:52

It was heartbreaking. I think, you know, I have moments where I really think hard about, the reality of our family life and. To be transparent. I know for a fact when I was dreaming up our large family as a young adult, that I did not dream of having a child who needed extra support and had special needs and, and did suffer in certain ways. Like that wasn't a part of my dream, right? That wasn't what I really prayed for, if I'm transparent. And so it was this heartbreak of, okay, wow. He really is different and unique. And it's really this deep realization of I need to let go of a lot of what I thought everything was going to be, even though no matter what, life never goes to plan.

Kara: 17:43

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 17:44

was like this extra layer, like this whole other level that's sometimes hard to even put into words of how I really had to let go of all of the things I dreamed up and all of the expectations I had for our family and how I really, you know, thought my kids' lives would go and, you know, I had to really get into this. This deep rooted, heartbreaking place in order to kind of build myself back up, and really embrace exactly who we are as a family, exactly who my son is, exactly what he needs, and continue to be, to be the best we can through that and learn through that. To the best of our ability. And you know, that's the only way I can describe it initially. Like once we really had the definitive diagnosis, once we learned like, yes, epilepsy is also a part of this puzzle, autism is also a part of this puzzle. He's likely going to have larger mood disorders as a part of this puzzle because this genetic disorder is complex in the sense of there's always things that come alongside it, right? And so I've had to really get into this vulnerable place of embracing that. This is how God has created our family and our son, and it's for a reason. And slowly over time, I just need to keep leaning into exactly what that reason is by, you know, following the path he has for us. but yeah, it was definitely hard in the beginning and still feels hard in certain moments as he grows older and we see, you know. Differences. He still experiences deficits, he still experiences and just understanding that that's going to be a part of our life and we have to, to learn how to navigate that.

Kara: 19:14

Yeah. For For whatever reason, what comes to my mind as you share the experience is almost like a, a cancer diagnosis where it's like you get this diagnosis that you know you have to go through really hard things, and then there's no guaranteed of a life, happily ever after. When you got this diagnosis, it's like you knew instantly that. Your son, and by default, your family was going to have to go through more hard things, and that is a lot to hold. It's a lot to hold.

Erin (2): 19:46

It is a lot to hold and I've had to do a lot of internal work personally as a mom in therapy, in my own wellness, and I've had to really. Give myself permission to get into that place of saying, you know what, this is a lot and this is not typical, and what we carry is unique. That doesn't mean it's bad, it just means that it's different we have to give ourself permission to normalize the heaviness of it all.

Kara: 20:14

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 20:15

if we don't, and and my husband and I kind of experienced this, if we don't like, it almost feels more complicated and more confusing and harder because we're not really giving ourselves permission to fully step into exactly how we feel and voicing exactly what we are experiencing. It's almost like we've downplayed, exactly how our family dynamic goes and, the things that my son is actually managing in his day-to-day life. And you know, the more you get into that place of saying, you know what, this is a lot.

Kara: 20:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Erin (2): 20:42

It kind of gives you that space to just, you know, accept it even more.

Kara: 20:47

Yeah, this reminds me of a, conversation actually I had over on Instagram with a mom, who asked a question It was thought provoking, I guess. And she said, did you ever have a time of looking at your kid as a burden over a blessing? And so she and I went back and forth a little bit and the bottom line is that is the experience she's having and she's like, and I feel beyond horrible, but I wanted to bring this up in particular because of what you shared where you have to do some, some deep work And are continuing to do that work. But it is in what you said, giving yourself permission to go to the places and to be in the places that sometimes our minds bring us as we're trying to cope with this. I. Like uncharted journey that we did not wanna go on. And if we're honest, we still don't wanna go on. If we could take it from our children, we would. So it's like we're in this and we don't want to be, and yet we are. And, and so I, I love that this mom firstly reached out because I'm like. And I told her, I said, I really wanna acknowledge you for like putting voice to what you're experiencing and not let it lurk in the silent shadows.'cause that's when things get real dark and heavy. And that's why I wanted to bring up here today because I think having conversations like this, you and I, but then obviously, you know, the listeners of, of the show, I think it's so important to give space. To, validate the actual experience that we're having. So thanks for sharing, part of your journey.

Erin (2): 22:28

Absolutely.

Kara: 22:31

What else for you has helped along the way? So kind of we, if we look at how you manage your mental, health and the emotional weight that comes from all of us, what has worked for you?

Erin (2): 22:45

I, well, kind of calling it back to what you just asked, like that burden verse, blessing kind of mindset we play as moms, especially in this kind of experience. The thing that's been the most profound for me has been getting into really specific therapeutic settings where I can really speak honestly about the mixed bag of emotions that I'm feeling and I. You know, I studied psych, I studied social work. I've always been obsessed with the brain and how our brains function.

Kara: 23:16

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 23:17

of the things that we do that is really a massive disservice to ourselves as humans, but especially as moms, is we don't let ourselves really go to those places of voicing those harder feelings and remembering that it's absolutely normal. Okay. Part of the human experience to feel really joyful, but also really heavy, hard stuff at the exact same time. having feelings coexist is part of being human. And when you can get to this place of really normalizing and voicing exactly what you're feeling. just takes the power away from it feeling quite so heavy inside your body, and so getting into strategic and specific therapeutic settings has been really big for me, especially as I've continued to unpack my son's diagnosis and just our family dynamic because I have had. Over and over these coexisting feelings. And to your point, like your conversation with this mom online, it can make us feel so bad. Like we internalize it to the next level and start to beat ourselves up for having these very real, raw, honest feelings. And we have to remember, there's nothing wrong with them. They're very real because that's part of being a human, like I said. therapy has been massive for me. That's a huge part of my wellness journey and you know, I'm a huge, huge advocate for mental health. And so, you know, I talk about therapy, I talk about community groups. I talk about finding a way to get connected to a life coach or a health coach, or somebody that can help you. Externalize everything that you are carrying internally because when we carry it around, it just becomes 10 times heavier. And so it's really having that outlet to do that. That has been massive for me. And then, you know, I'm a huge believer in holistic health overall. So I'm always working on moving my body every day, getting sunlight right in the morning, and getting outside trying to fuel with nutrition. Nutrition focus. that I know are gonna fuel my body for energy and keep my brain clear and give me the resilience that I need in order to continue to show up for my life. Right? I'm always. trying to work through stress management and making sure that I am, you know, getting into stillness and trying to practice journaling and meditation and getting out of the noise, whatever that may look like. Right. And then, you know, I'm always trying to make sure I'm protecting my sleep as much as possible, which in this season right now, is a little hard for us because my son is still having seizures and he typically has seizures while he sleeps at night. So that's always an interesting one for me.

Kara: 25:45

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 25:46

I think, you know, for moms, especially moms of special needs or parents of special needs kids. Like there's always gonna be an ebb and flow somewhere in our personal wellness, right? Some things are gonna be feel harder than others, right? During different seasons. And so I'm a big believer in figuring out what are the small things that you can do and that you can focus on that are really gonna continue to serve your cup based on where you're at right now. And so I've had seasons where I haven't been able to move my body as much. But I am trying to focus more on like at least a little bit of stillness during the day and trying to get quality foods, or there's seasons where we're traveling all the time and I'm not focused as much on quality foods, and instead I'm trying to get outside more often or finding ways to laugh and instill joy in my day more. Right. So it's like. Ebbing and flowing and finding that holistic picture, but then addressing like what are the small things that feel realistic right now? Like that has been the most profound for me because I've had moments and seasons in my life where I tried to do it all, all the time, I think that's, that's been a pretty big lesson for me, especially as my kids grow older, is that's not realistic. And so what can we do and how can we focus on celebrating those things?

Kara: 26:56

Oh, so good. I'm laughing because I'm like, oh gosh. Like I as much as like, you know, intellectually in your head that trying to do it all doesn't work and then you like get overwhelmed and then you quit and you don't do any of it. I still find myself trying to do it. I'm sure you do too. I'm like, I'm like, oh my gosh.

Erin (2): 27:14

not be fooled. Yeah.

Kara: 27:16

It is just so funny. our nature. I don't know, it's just,

Erin (2): 27:18

Yeah.

Kara: 27:19

oh, so good. I wanna like repeat all that'cause it was like so good, but I don't need to repeat it. You said it so well and if, if y'all wanna go like, listen to like the last minute again, go do it because it was so well put. and what I really wanna emphasize and highlight in what I heard you say and how, actually, specifically how I heard you say it was really. So much more about being in the practice of caring for yourself versus being rigid and routine about whatever the thing is that might be part of your health. But for you, it's like you're like almost like asking yourself over and over again, what's the thing that is accessible and attainable that contributes to my wellbeing right now. I actually would love for you to speak on the sleep thing because. You're not alone in moms that have very disruptive sleep because of course they're, doing what they need to do to keep their child alive. And so knowing how important sleep is for health, right? Give me a little bit of your mindset and maybe even some of your actual, strategy and how you partner with your husband on this. Like what does that look like for you guys?

Erin (2): 28:26

That's such a great question. And you know, to be honest, it's pretty imperfect. And you know, we're also at this point where our son is getting older and he doesn't necessarily want to be sleeping with either of us. And that's kind of what we've been doing for the past two years or so, since we kind of uncovered more of his seizure activity. And so we're kind of battling that. Right. And trying to figure out like. He's getting older. He wants to be in his room, he wants his privacy, stuff like that. But as far as how I partner with my husband, we typically flip off every other night, right? So one of us is sleeping with our son and the other one is getting quality sleep in our bed. And that's, one way where we know like we're at least getting quality sleep. Every other night or every few nights, depending on kind of what his schedule is. If, if he's traveling, sometimes we'll flip it up, but that's kind of what we do to kind of guarantee at least a little bit of quality sleep when I know that I'm sleeping with him,

Kara: 29:17

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 29:17

of focus on other things that I know also promote really quality sleep, right? So I'm not. consuming all the things online right before I go to bed, right? Like I'm trying to unplug, I'm trying to be outside a little bit more to really help nurture my nervous system with intention, right? I'm trying to utilize quality supplementation that I know also promotes Coleman sleep, right? So I'm a huge believer in like L-theanine and magnesium, getting like a. cherry tart juice and stuff like that before you go to bed at night, like really trying to lean on supplementation. That can also induce calm, even when I'm not getting quality sleep or I'm getting fragmented sleep, like if I'm trying to do certain habits throughout the day, that keep my nervous system kind of nurtured, even fragmented. Sleep. I don't feel it quite as hard because I've tried to

Kara: 30:03

Okay.

Erin (2): 30:03

on those habits more during the day that I know can help me just feel a little bit more rested, even when sleep is crazy. really what I try to do. But like I said, it's, it's totally imperfect. Some days are great and Some sleep nights are not as terrible as others. And some are really fragmented. Some are really hard, and it's just kind of like. You know, rolling with it the best you can and trying to kind of find that balance of how can you at least instill some level of quality sleep you know, working with your partner, et cetera, to kind of figure out how you guys can ebb and flow your effort.

Kara: 30:33

Yeah. Okay. Well thanks for the, window into kind of what, how you guys do it. I think everyone's going to have, such value in kind of what they figured out, like what works for them. So thank you for sharing that. and whether it's sleep someone's struggling with or something else, I feel like also the way that you're approaching it is like, okay, like sometimes you can't have the thing like sleep, you can still have all these other, it's almost like I picture them as like lily pads of like a foundation to give you that stable footing that we need as, human beings.

Erin (2): 31:07

Absolutely.

Kara: 31:08

I wanna actually turn a little bit to your wisdom as a health coach and your experience as a health coach. I would be interested. And so you and I both very much align on standing for women taking care of themselves, and you and I probably both see, them getting stuck in a variety of places. I would love to hear from your experience where you notice moms most often getting stuck, and then we'll also look at kind of options to get unstuck. So let's start with where you see people, moms specifically moms getting stuck.

Erin (2): 31:47

so you kind of just touched on this, is the all or nothing mindset. And in a lot of the conversations I have with women who are busy, who have special needs in their family, who are working in and out of the home, who they don't know how to get beyond the all or nothing mindset. And you just touched on it, Kara, where it's like, if I can't do this, then I can't do anything. I think a lot of that is a product of the. society we live in and the wellness industry specifically when it comes to women's health, because so much of what's shown to us or taught to us as far as what's healthy are these one size fits all. Cookie cutter, fast track. Here's what you need mentalities, and there's not enough messaging around, but what are you doing for your bio individual health? That serves your longevity that really fits your life, right? Like your season, your life. And what feels manageable, and this is what I coach women through because so often that's what keeps them stuck. They, they feel like if they can't do all the things on the list, then there's no way to even start the process. There's no way to even take those baby steps. And so what we do a lot in the work that I'm coaching through is. Like peeling back that onion, like a lot of things that I talk about, right? And figuring out what are the simplest things we can start with. Like what feels manageable in your life, and what are the simplest things we can start with, and then we build from there. And so it's not a cookie cutter strategy. It's not like a. Program or a system that you take and have to figure out how to put into your life. We, we do it in the opposite way. We figure out what's going on in your life and then we adopt something into that that you can actually execute on. And so I would say that's mostly what I see because women are, we're our own worst critic. And we feel like if we can't do everything as it says by the book. Then we can't do any of it, and that's just not the reality. There are so many ways we can do baby step things that over time and with consistency will lead to all kinds of tremendous change.

Kara: 33:53

Why do you think we or women are so resistant to those small or baby steps?

Erin (2): 34:01

I feel like we make up that they're not gonna be profound enough

Kara: 34:04

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 34:05

actually create change. I don't know about you, but I grew up. with a lot of messaging around, just work harder. Just do more, just eat less, just try harder. Just be more disciplined. Just, you know, just

Kara: 34:16

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 34:16

go, go. and so a lot of this is like working out of that programming and doing a lot of unlearning and realizing for our longevity health, and especially when we get into midlife health seasons and we have all kinds of added stress because our lives are different, et cetera. Like we have to be doing things totally different from a health standpoint. And a lot of that is like embracing that less is more. And

Kara: 34:38

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 34:40

understanding like. It really doesn't have to be an all or nothing. And so I know even in my life when I think back, I used to think, well, these small steps aren't gonna be worth it because they're not gonna move the needle at all. Or even being able to do one or two things versus the whole list of 10 things I'm quote unquote supposed to do isn't gonna be enough. And again, it's that work harder, mentality that we've all been shown in some way, that we have to start to. To release because it's just not really what serves us best now, but especially for our long-term health.

Kara: 35:12

Yeah.

Erin (2): 35:12

and so I think that's a big one.

Kara: 35:13

And it's so, it just, it is so funny because right, like, so we can't do it perfectly. So we do nothing and we know nothing's not helpful.

Erin (2): 35:23

totally.

Kara: 35:24

right. And it's actually, it just, it, I feel like if we could, if we can with. Humor and with compassion and look at kind of the patterns that we have. We can be like, that is actually quite funny, that that is how we're doing this. And then we can, maybe embrace those small things. I wanna mention a book that I, I wonder if you've heard of, it's actually, it's, it's been a while since I've read it, but it's called The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. You know that book? Oh my gosh. That book is so good because it really, it talks about like the things that stick in my mind, like he talked about. Essentially, it's exactly what it is. It's a compound effect. He was doing little things over a long period of time in the compounding effects that they have. And I always remember how he's like, if you basically don't put mayonnaise on your sandwich over however long, I don't remember what it was, but like the effect of it, I was like, dang it. So every time I put mayonnaise on my sandwich, you wanna know what I'm thinking of Darren or Daryl, whatever his name is, and I'm like, I just love mayonnaise, so that's not gonna work for me. But, no, but But for reals, I think it's super great to have like all of the actual data that he had to help really break down the belief of this or like the stronghold that all or nothing has on us, and really allow us to celebrate these small, almost imperceivable shifts. And that's why I'm thinking back to, a functional doctor that I had on, who's all about women's health. That was like talking about stress management and he's like. The impact that taking three deep, slow breaths a day can have is actually profound. Like that actually makes a difference. And actually hearing that from him, I was like, okay, that's good to know.'cause I thought I had to be much bigger. I, I had to do like a 10 minute meditation, or I don't know, something bigger. And to really recognize that these small things are very, very effective. That was really, really helpful.

Erin (2): 37:23

Yes.

Kara: 37:25

Okay. What's popping in my mind is the impact of community on this part of our health. How do you. Like in your own life, use communities to support yourself, like with your holistic health and actually, how do you, advise or guide or support your clients in this area?

Erin (2): 37:44

I've started most of my coaching effort online, so I do a lot virtually, and I've met a lot of amazing practitioners and other coaches, other women who are like-minded, who are,

Kara: 37:54

I.

Erin (2): 37:54

you know, kind of working towards the same things, have similar backgrounds, similar interests, stuff like that. And I've done a lot online. But I will say over time, especially in the last handful of years as we've become more deep rooted in our local community, as we've learned more about our son, know, I really have worked hard to try to continue to figure out how do I cultivate in-person relationships

Kara: 38:15

Mm.

Erin (2): 38:16

you know, my. life. I've always been a people pleaser to a fault, to the point where I felt like I needed to be liked and loved by everybody and be everybody's friend and constantly be pouring into everyone around me at all times. And as I've grown older, but especially as I've grown further into our family dynamic and with our son, I've really learned the value of really deep rooted friendships, like a handful of friendships and how much that can make a really big difference. how we feel. And so when I think of community, I really think about quality. And I really think about, you know, the importance of having people around you that share your values, that also want to find ways to prioritize health for themselves and their families who believe in, you know, being transparent about talking about our experiences and what's really going on in our lives. And that's what I have really worked to cultivate. With my husband and I over the past handful of years, and it has made a big difference in how I feel mentally and emotionally. And when I think about like my personal holistic health journey, like I've had seasons where I haven't had quality, deep rooted friendships, and that's made a really big difference. And so I know like. As I've uncovered more of our son's diagnosis, like starting to connect with moms who are also walking a similar path, and again, kind of have that health component as a part of their journey too. Like those have been the most powerful and profound for me, and I wanna encourage other women to kind of get into that space of, of cultivating that and building that in your life because. Relational health is a huge part of our mental and emotional wellbeing, and we are not meant to life alone. We are not meant to manage all of that we feel on our own. And so when we have people in our corner and a community that we can lean on. To learn about ourselves, to learn about our, our kids, about our families, and so much more. It makes such a big difference in how we feel. And so that's, when I think about community, that's really what I've worked on, and continue to work on honestly, every day because it's something that takes some level of diligence and time and you

Kara: 40:17

Mm-hmm.

Erin (2): 40:18

effort into it just like everything else. but I've learned how much it matters for my overall health.

Kara: 40:23

Yeah, and it brings me back to this mom who reached out on Instagram that she, Felt safe enough in the relationship to come forward with how she was actually feeling. And so back to what you were saying, is this the quality of these relationships that you feel like you have the space to explore and sort out some of these, what I guess I'll call kinks in how, how things are going up there for us? and. I think it's actually even a good refresher for me, for you to say like, you know, it takes investment, it takes effort, it takes intentionality. And actually it's kind of fun for me to see because I look back into how we met and I see the effort and I see the intentionality. And that is why we're talking today is because of the, authentic approach that you had in reaching out to create relationships. So well done. You.

Erin (2): 41:11

appreciate that.

Kara: 41:13

Yeah. Well, I appreciate you reaching out. You did all the work. I'm just the lucky recipient. Okay. Super, super great. Anything else that you would add to different avenues that you might take to help a mom get unstuck or kind of to move from that all or nothing or just kind of. Getting over those, those stumbling blocks that so often stop us.

Erin (2): 41:42

Yeah, I, I really believe in the power of therapy, if I'm honest. I think if I was going to give a mom who felt a little isolated, a little stuck, a little like unsure how to make that next step, I would probably point them to therapeutic support. And the reason is, is when you are feeling that stuck, need an objective opinion. it's can't necessarily be somebody who really knows you well in your life because sometimes you can't unpack it quite the same. And so I've learned the power of objective opinions, like people that don't necessarily know you on a personal level, who can really give you feedback based on what you're experiencing and sharing in a totally different view and through a totally different lens. And that can help you see things that you don't see about. Yourself about your situation, about what you're even experiencing. And I know for me, like I've had to have people help me understand what I was saying and what I was doing and what I was telling myself wasn't really aligning with reality, and I had to have people help me unpack those pieces. me understand like that I was so much more deserving of what I was painting as far as the picture in my life, and that was really transformative for me. And so it's always like this mental and emotional component for me. Like I always lead women back there and I've had women that have come to me and have asked like, you know, can we work together? You know. I feel like I need a health coach and we've kind of unpacked their story, their journey, we've talked about where they're at and talked about what they're experiencing. And I've said to them, you know, I really want you to start with diving deeper into more therapeutic services or something that's gonna help you dive a little bit more into the mental and emotional component, because that's going to help you set up more of the foundation to help you actually take the steps forward. And I think for women, like we get into this place of. Believing we don't deserve the support. That asking for help is a weakness That somehow, like if we can't do it all, that we're falling short or that we're not enough. And I just want to be a voice that says like, none of that is true. That's all a story that we've all made up in our mind at some point in time for some reason. And so if you are feeling really sick. Stuck. Like oftentimes, it's getting to a place where you can unpack those soundtracks and those narratives that do not serve you and that you really don't deserve. And then once you start to kind of get that into a place that feels a little bit more manageable, then you can start to take these other steps towards creating more outcomes, et cetera. Leaning on different regimens, routines, and things like that.

Kara: 44:25

I think there's so much wisdom there. What's interesting is, you know, I'm a life coach obviously, and I look at the industry and it's, you know, there's a, a wide variety of types of life, coaches, training, et cetera, et cetera, and I feel like, And I bet you see this all the time in the health coaching space as well, where it's like people start with trying to change the actions that you're taking, the things you're doing or not doing, like just go work out or whatever the thing is. Right? And it fails a hundred percent of the time. If we don't change the being behind that doing, or. Otherwise said, if we don't do that deeper work that has been driving the behavior or, or lack of behavior. and so I think that that's what I think if I look back over like be going from like a, a baby early life coach to who I am now, I think it's like you cannot underestimate. The wholeness of the human body, mind, spirit, soul. And that you, you can't just start at the surface, like that's not going to be effective. And it's actually gonna drive your client crazy because they're gonna think something's wrong with them because they are not doing it. And then they're gonna go back into shame and all that stuff. And that's not what we want. So, so a lot of wisdom there. Thank you for sharing that. And, Thank you so much for the conversation today. I thoroughly enjoyed this. How can people reach out if they want to connect with you individually or professionally?

Erin (2): 45:50

I'm most active on Instagram. I'm at Erin K Trier on Instagram. That's where I spend most of my time. I share a lot of

Kara: 45:56

I.

Erin (2): 45:57

work. I talk a lot about our life, my son, our family, and I would love to connect with anyone who wants to just, you know, more, talk about. Your story, your journey, talk about health, talk about diagnoses. You know, I'm an open book always, and that's the best place to find me. also have a website, erin trier.com, where I share more about my work, and have some freebies and things on there alongside my podcast, which is called Empowered in Health. So those are kind of the three best places to find me.

Kara: 46:23

Such good places. And man, I gotta say you are very eloquent in how you deliver all that. I was like, I gotta practice my little, my little spiel. that is great. so yes, go, all of those, links to be able to easily find and connect with Erin will be on the show notes. So you can just click on over and connect with her and kind of follow whatever leading you have as, as you listen to her story and, and how it might align with yours. And so thank you so much, with that, we'll see you all on the next episode.