S5. Ep 23. Two Gays and the Outdoor Slave

Season Five: Episode Twenty-Three. From secret gay sex group chats to sharing your scandalous stories, Benji and Brad have all the goss this week! Plus, find out who has been having raunchy romps late at night in the local park…

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:16

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my big gay podcast with me, benji.

Speaker 1 0:21

And me, brad, giving you the life, the loves and lolls of living in London, two gays one city, oh god. Balls are finally dropped.

Speaker 2 0:35

Two gays, one city. What could?

Speaker 1 0:37

possibly go wrong.

Speaker 2 0:40

I think that's from doing all my Mariah Carey impressions last night. Oh gosh.

Speaker 1 0:46

You haven't got the voice for it. You haven't got the voice to be singing Davies, so back in your box.

Speaker 2 0:50

Alright, so what sort of voices should I be doing? What sort of vocal stylings would suit my voice?

Speaker 1 0:56

Things like Bob the Builder.

Speaker 2 0:57

Right.

Speaker 1 1:02

Honestly, we giggle at the most stupid things. I don't know if anyone knows that clip. It's from Gemma Collins and someone's telling us something and she just has that little blank expression.

Speaker 2 1:11

I love that you call it from Gemma Collins, like she's like this entity TV show. It's from Gemma Collins like she's a brand.

Speaker 1 1:19

She is, I mean, too fair. She's a brand.

Speaker 2 1:22

But yeah, it's a really good quote where someone's like it's to do with the wedding, right.

Speaker 1 1:26

Oh, I can't remember the actual context of it. Yeah, but someone gives us some news and she just doesn't care and she's like right, yeah, thought of every other slow blink.

Speaker 2 1:35

It's brilliant. But anyway yeah, anyway, enough of destroying my confidence with singing. How are you Do?

Speaker 1 1:42

you know what I'm feeling? Amazing, because I've been wholesome. I have been put in the hole, and wholesome like I promised, and it's been happening, oh, wow.

Speaker 2 1:50

It's been happening. We went there. I mean yeah, I mean, what's the most wholesome thing you've done this week?

Speaker 1 1:56

Okay, so at the weekend, I think, go out. Can you believe that me not going out a weekend? That's just unheard of right.

Speaker 2 2:05

Because the credit card companies have called you and have said if you tap, tap, tap. How about you tap that card one more time?

Speaker 1 2:11

Declined.

Speaker 2 2:12

Yeah, you're not doing Hundred percent. In the words of Hannah Montana. It's declined. Fun fact, I mean one of my absolute besties. Years ago, we did a whole parody. Have I ever sent it to you? No, I might actually post it. We rewrote the whole song. It's the Climb. That was Hannah Montana, that was Milisarius, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 2:33

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 2 2:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought loads of people have done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we rewrote the whole thing of it's the Climb to it's Declined and about being unemployed and living in London.

Speaker 1 2:43

Love that that is so accurate.

Speaker 2 2:45

Yeah, it's really funny. I will send it to you.

Speaker 1 2:47

Yeah, do it.

Speaker 2 2:48

Anyway, we've got off task. Back to you. No money, tragic staying at home in the slippers.

Speaker 1 2:55

Well, actually you're going to be impressed by this, because I know you love to clean as well. I spent all weekend cleaning the house from top to bottom, Every nook, every cranny, every crevice polished, waxed, buffed, ready to go.

Speaker 2 3:08

You waxed that top and bottom and you did, I did. Wow, I actually do. I really do love a clean. It's my, it's my therapy, for sure. But are we talking about like tidying, like putting stuff away, or did you literally whip out the bleach and whipped out the bleach, the mop, the whole thing.

Speaker 1 3:23

I pulled all the furniture out. I went in all the corners, proper, proper, deep clean, and you know what. It's actually really good for the soul, like you say. I feel very cleansed, so good.

Speaker 2 3:33

Yeah, yeah, I literally. There's nothing I like more than if I'm having a bad day and getting like the bleach and a toothbrush out and I go around all the tiles.

Speaker 1 3:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah, honestly.

Speaker 2 3:41

Yeah Right, I'm quite OCD of it. And the smell of bleach, oh my goodness. I would wear it if I could.

Speaker 1 3:45

That's like poppers for you, whoa.

Speaker 2 3:52

Pop some bleach in my air diffuser. Why are my eyes burning? Oh, okay, well, that's good. Nice little house clean. Yeah, I need to do that in my match. I've just got back to London and I don't know if you can see around me, but my room looks like a charity shop just exploded in here. There's just like clothes and random objects absolutely everywhere yeah, including these, by the way.

Speaker 1 4:13

My sunglasses from Brighton Pride. I knew you had them, you little thief.

Speaker 2 4:17

Okay. So I don't know why you're calling me a thief. I actually lost count with how many times you dropped these in the mud and I had to pick up and be like Brad. You've dropped your glasses Again, these cheap things that you overpaid for. So by like the sixth or seventh time I was like you know what? I'm just going to put them in my pocket. You clearly cannot be trusted. He's absolutely wasted Off his face. Why go wasted? My arbitrator set up the same system with where I don't own, these IIBC's, which skin tenders dirt that I don't own here. So I, uh, I took him and I'm not sorry about it.

Speaker 1 4:40

I hope you watch them though, because I dropped those in the mud outside the portalous, so we all know how messy that was getting. That's probably got all sorts on them glasses, you got them on your face.

Speaker 2 4:51

Oh my Uh, they actually are really like smeary, oh gosh.

Speaker 1 4:57

And you've just had those on your face. You dirty, dirty girl, get the bleach, get the bleach.

Speaker 2 5:03

I mean speaking of like bleaching and things being dirty. Anyone who's currently in London at the moment can we just appreciate the, the smell that is London Like why? Why does it smell so bad? We were out last night We'll come back to that in a minute and we were walking to get the last tube, um, and literally they were doing all the drains and the well. I was nearly sick.

Speaker 1 5:20

We breathed in fumes of sewage.

Speaker 2 5:23

Yeah, it was like pure yeah, egg it was, it was vile Gross.

Speaker 1 5:27

We were both gagging, weren't we Like? Oh my goodness, get us on that tube now.

Speaker 2 5:31

I mean, I haven't felt my gag reflex in a very long time.

Speaker 1 5:34

But smelling that drain was like first time that gag reflex has come out in a long time.

Speaker 2 5:41

Literally. Anyway, moving on, benji, um, okay, so you've been wholesome, you've been cleaning. That's great. However, I did get back to London yesterday and I believe I was at home for about 45 minutes before I was out that door meeting you at a free bar networking event. Oh, I know it's always you.

Speaker 1 5:56

I think you are actually the bad idea bear in my life because I have my wholesome weekend. Like I said, we was at a networking event together and it was free bar, so I was like I don't know what I love one drink. There's you shoving two drinks in my hand and I was double fisting all night long.

Speaker 2 6:12

Oh, whoa whoa, straight to the double fisting. Oh, you mean the first bar, not the dark rim, sorry Gotcha. Okay, whoa whoa everyone, you throw me way under that bus for unjust reasons. Podcast is I'm actually going to insert the voice note that you sent me earlier that day. I'm not joking. Wait for it, I'm going to insert it.

Speaker 1 6:32

Also, how bad is this right? I do think maybe I'm slightly addicted to alcohol, because this time last week I was dead, never want to see alcohol ever again, and all week we're like nah, nah, nah. But today I'm like, oh really do with a beer or glass of wine. Bad that in there. I think maybe I'm a bit addicted. I don't know what it is right, because I've been a whole week with no alcohol and then on the Monday I knew it was going to this bar and I thought you know what I've actually really fancy a glass of wine, yeah, is that a sign of addiction?

Speaker 2 7:02

I mean possibly, or is that?

Speaker 1 7:04

just maybe like adulthood, it's like oh yeah, you know, glass of wine.

Speaker 2 7:07

To be honest, if I had your kind of life and bank balance and appearance and wardrobe, I would probably be driven to want to have alcohol by the Monday night as well. So I don't blame your judge for that choice in your life. Thank you.

Speaker 1 7:24

I know I can rely on you to not judge me.

Speaker 2 7:27

You never judge me, yeah never, never judge you, but anyway, of course, we went to this networking event. It was super fun and we ended up in Soho on someone bought a champagne which was delightful, and actually we're up this morning feeling very perky, if I'm honest. Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:42

I mean, it could have gone two ways, couldn't it? We were like, do we stay and have a big night out or do we get the last tube home? We just like, about midnight in it, london, the last tube. And we were both sensible, like, do you know what? Let's do the last tube home. Come on, let's be wholesome. So I think we're a step towards being wholesome. I'm actually really pleased with our efforts this week. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 2 8:00

That's true, but Panicky Poly over here. I was like, yes, get the last tube. We've missed it. We're going to have to get an Uber. We've missed it. We've missed it. I was like we haven't missed it, the last tube is like half 12 from Leicester Square. We've missed it. I was like, and then we got to the gates and they were closed. I told you we've missed it and I was like it's not that gate, it's one of the. And you're like, oh yeah, sorry.

Speaker 1 8:17

Yeah, good to know. Good to know. I thought they closed at midnight for some reason, but you're clearly on it. Do you actually like champagne?

Speaker 2 8:27

So this is not me playing up on anything, it's not my drink of choice, unless and I'm not just trying to be ABFAB and I'm not trying to go for a sponsorship deal or trying to be bougie but Bollinger, the champagne, is actually delicious, that full on delicious. I've tried them all, I've done the verb, I've done Don Perignon, I've done literally the Moet, the Lot. Bollinger is a completely different flavor to all the others and it is actually so drinkable, like delish. Have you had it?

Speaker 1 8:58

I don't think I've had Bollinger before, I've had verb and Don the other one.

Speaker 2 9:02

Don the other one.

Speaker 1 9:03

Yeah, perignon, whatever it's called.

Speaker 2 9:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:05

And we were drinking verb last night and I was drinking it and they're a hundred pound of bottle one day Like it's expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was drinking it like this doesn't taste like a hundred pounds worth of liquid in my mouth. It's true, I was like I would not spend a hundred pounds on that, on that drink personally.

Speaker 2 9:24

No, I mean, I probably wouldn't order it for myself, but I was super grateful that this lovely gentleman bought them and shared them with us, like two of them were a legend.

Speaker 1 9:31

So nice yeah, lovely yeah.

Speaker 2 9:32

And actually we'll loop back to him because, talking about cleaning houses, he actually has a company where he sorts out. He comes to your house right and sorts all your mess out and I was saying, could you please come out to Brad's house? Do you do wardrobes and just cull the lot, just literally get rid of all of it, burn it, burn it, send it to hell with fire, like we're done with the wardrobe.

Speaker 1 9:50

Fingers. If you came round and did that with him, I would actually have an empty wardrobe.

Speaker 2 9:55

Yes, exactly, and then we'll start afresh.

Speaker 1 9:59

OK, so when we're going to get on my new clothes from with my Mynes Monzo?

Speaker 2 10:02

I don't know anywhere that isn't a Linesdale t-shirt. Other t-shirts are available or you know that'd be made in sweatshops. Sorry, if you want the t-shirt, give it. Also hilarious. I was like can we go through your sex drawer as well, because I bet that has some bats and cobwebs in it. And you're like, how do you know about my sex drawer? I was like I know that your bottom drawer by your bed, and you're like that's not the only drawer. And I was like, yeah, and also the drawer in the corner of your with your chest of drawers. And you're like how do you know about that?

Speaker 1 10:32

I know, because I've got a few chest of drawers in my room. Obviously, you know you've got your bedside drawer. I think every gay has that right. It's where you keep your lube, your condoms. Yeah, that's like the go to one. But then I've got another sex drawer which is pretty much a straws away from my bed, which is full of toys and bits and bobs and that's a bit more of a hidden drawer. So I don't know how you have know where that drawer is and I've been in that drawer like written for everything, you little pervert.

Speaker 2 10:54

Oh honey, you wish I cared about your sex drawer. No, I was actually going through it saying what I could throw away. And because I always call you vanilla and you're like I'm not vanilla, I was like, right, I'm going to see how vanilla he really is. And I'll be honest, a PVC harness I wouldn't say is the kinkiest of things, but at least it's. It's a step further away from you. Know, let's both shower, turn the lights off and get under the duvet naked.

Speaker 1 11:22

I just love that when I've been hosting house parties before, you've obviously come down into my room with a couple of other gays and a nice little rifle through and been looking at all my toys 100%.

Speaker 2 11:31

And what I really love is that on Spotify, your playlist called Sex Playlist, is just the steps mega mix.

Speaker 1 11:41

It gets me going. What can I say? One for sorrow.

Exploring Gay Networking and Social Groups

Speaker 2 11:45

And it literally ends with tragedy. So it's kind of perfect. This episode is sponsored by rainbow lotterycouk.

Speaker 1 11:58

Play now and support LGBTQ plus dreams.

Speaker 2 12:02

Oh, my goodness. Anyway, going back to networking, we're completely going off task here, networking. I recently joined a gay WhatsApp group. Right, how did you find this group? So I don't really know. I must have followed. I must have followed somebody. I've never met them before, so we must have an interaction or something, I'm not sure. Anyway, his story was like oh, this is gay WhatsApp group. I've started. If you're interested, here's the link. So I clicked on the link and you've got to read the rules. It's a very strict group.

Speaker 2 12:32

It's a very strict group. Yeah, it's like once you leave, you can't come back in again. Obviously, the normal things like be respectful, don't private message anybody from the group unless they've given you permission, like it's all good stuff. It's good stuff. Yeah, I've been in it a few days now and it is. It's a very different experience than I was expecting. If I'm honest with you, I was kind of half thinking there was going to be like a bit of like flotation in there. It's obviously all single gay guys and anyone from the gay community knows that for some reason we are constantly on heat. But yeah, it's, I'm kind of into it, I kind of like it. But like it was just very casual nudity, which I'm kind of all right with. Like people are posting this morning like with a coffee cup, just being completely naked like morning lads.

Speaker 1 13:18

I love.

Speaker 2 13:20

Yeah, I'm kind of here for it, Like I never really thought that I was like is it voyeurism?

Speaker 1 13:24

I never really, oh is that's when you're like on looking right Part of a group as a watcher.

Speaker 2 13:29

Is it or is it? I think it's just like. It's almost like exhibitionists, right? It's people that just like get naked and, yeah, well, like being a naturalist, naturalist, natureist, it's just when you're naked in front of other people and not for sexual reasons.

Speaker 1 13:39

Anyway.

Speaker 2 13:40

I'm kind of here for it. So I'll keep you posted on how the WhatsApp group's going. I have actually scored two dates from it, which I'm very excited about because it's just yeah, they all seem really fun people and it's quite refreshing going on or like chatting to other single guys, not through, you know, the yellow Facebook and not through, not through other dating profiles. It's quite. It's quite cash. I'm kind of here for it.

Speaker 1 14:03

Yeah, I love that because I've heard about these groups. Is this one specifically for London Gays, or is it all Gays in UK or?

Speaker 2 14:11

I think it's all around the UK. Yeah, it's anyone in the UK. It's not, because I know there's loads of like sex party ones, as those of like various nightlife WhatsApp groups that you can join.

Speaker 1 14:19

Because I've heard of one called Trouble Makers and it's based in London and it is basically a hookup group and my friend is part of it and I have seen this group and some of the videos that these people post are FILF, filf.

Speaker 2 14:33

Yeah, in a good way. Yeah, I've been to get into that group, that's it.

Speaker 1 14:36

We'll come back to that. So how do?

Speaker 2 14:38

you? How are you spelling Trouble Makers? Yeah, so it's actually quite interesting. It's been quite a networking event for me. As you know, I've been away in Jersey for kind of a few weeks with work etc. And I said to myself when I go back to London, I am going to make this my mission the rest of the year to try and join more social groups. So this is my first step. During this WhatsApp group, I'm going to go to a gay archery group.

Speaker 1 15:04

That sounds well fun.

Speaker 2 15:06

Yeah, because I used to do archery and I used to do shooting as well. Claypigeon shooting. Like Katniss Everdeen Hunger Games you joke, but I was actually really good at it. And don't tell anyone, but I still have my bow and arrow in my garage here in London. I don't know if it counts as a lethal weapon. A weapon, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 15:24

So I like to keep that quiet and I keep the arrows well away from the bow itself. But yeah, so I'm going to go do archery. And then we said ages ago we wanted to go to the gamers group.

Speaker 1 15:35

Yes, I really like to do that because I'm into board games. I'm not so much into like video games, but I think gamers they do a bit of everything right they do. So I would love to sit down with some gays and play some board games. Count me in, sign me up, honey.

Speaker 2 15:48

Yeah, I think it's in. I think it's on a Wednesday. That might be wrong. I'll double check that, but it's not. It's like central, it's in Voxel area. But yes, I'm going to do all these things, but anyway, anyway, anyway, on with the podcast. Hey, brad, oh hi.

Speaker 1 16:06

Benji, brad, what's on your mind? Oh nothing, benji, just daydreaming, I guess.

Speaker 2 16:12

What are you daydreaming about this time? A thicker hairline? Not today. Oh then what is it?

Speaker 1 16:18

I just wish I could do more to support the community without breaking the bank. Oh, and dreaming of true love's kiss.

Speaker 2 16:25

Well, you're in luck, because you can do more to support the community. Really how? By playing the Rainbow Lottery. Of course, you can play from as little as one pound, and 50% of all tickets goes towards an LGBTQ plus organization. That you get to choose what, and every week you could win up to £25,000 as well as other fantastic prizes. So when you play, you really do help support the community Exactly and I've won twice already.

Speaker 1 16:52

Where can I get tickets?

Speaker 2 16:53

Just head over to rainbowlotterycouk. It's super easy.

Speaker 1 16:58

Oh, do you think the Rainbow Lottery can also get me true love's kiss?

Speaker 2 17:02

I doubt it. Oh Play the Rainbow Lottery today from as little as £1 to win big and help some incredible courses.

Speaker 1 17:08

The Rainbow Lottery supporting LGBTQ plus.

Speaker 2 17:11

dreams Players must be 18 and over. Always play responsibly wet dreams, not included, Omegunnis. I do actually have another funny story to tell you, Something that happened this week.

Speaker 1 17:27

You are having all the stories.

Speaker 2 17:29

This week Come on spill the tea, wash the gas and now I'll come back to London with a bit of a bang. So I think I've shared with you before funny stories that I've sort of like, funny situations that I've brought myself into through our famous yellow Facebook.

Meeting in the Park

Speaker 1 17:44

That'll chestnut.

Speaker 2 17:45

Yeah, and you know, sometimes I push the boundaries. I like to play around a bit and sort of see with lack of a better word, I really don't mean this in a creepy sense but how much I can control somebody in a very dominating way.

Speaker 1 17:57

Yeah, I know you're into that and you meet people that also enjoy that, so it's a two way street, right.

Speaker 2 18:02

Exactly, it's never forced, it's very much. Yeah, they get off on it for short Anyway. So I was talking to somebody and I very much got this vibe that they very much wanted me to tell them what I wanted and get them to do stuff. And they live quite near to me Anyway do you know them?

Speaker 1 18:19

Have you sent them out and about on the weekly shop?

Speaker 2 18:22

No, I haven't.

Speaker 1 18:23

I've seen you at the bread aisle getting your baguette Marie, the baguette For real.

Speaker 2 18:29

No, no, no, no. So anyway, I was talking to him, never met, before Things took a turn and we were arranging to meet up. Oh, okay, right. So I wasn't in a position where I could host because my housemate was in and very much up and about and saw in the house out, so it just would have been very inappropriate. So, as I've said to you before, I'm very free and open and I was like, well, why don't we just meet up outside, like it's dark, uh-huh, let's go for it, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 18:53

Right.

Speaker 2 18:53

And he was like right, and he was really keen for it. Anyway, long story short. Because I don't know how long it needs to be, I suggested that we met in the park near my house.

Speaker 1 19:05

Okay, when you say park, this does make me be on edge, right? Are we talking slide swings. Kids are playing in the park Because this doesn't sound good.

Speaker 2 19:14

So, first of all, it's nighttime, so all children should be in bed, and if they're not, your bad parents, right.

Speaker 1 19:21

Just checking, not going to end up on the list.

Speaker 2 19:23

Not again.

Speaker 1 19:28

Ring ring lawyers. Oh God, it happened again.

Speaker 2 19:32

Um no, that is not funny. That is, stop stealing my story in my limelight. Okay, sorry, go, go, go, go, go go. Sorry, making me sound like such a proud of James Not going to share these stories with you anymore, right, right, anyway, this part. Okay, yes, fair enough, there are. There is a section of it which is swings and slide.

Speaker 1 19:52

Hit on the roundabout in five minutes.

Speaker 2 19:55

Hey, that's not a bad idea, but I'm, I'll meet you on the swing, not that swing, phil Phil, so anyway, not that part of the park. I was like. He was like, oh, should I meet you outside? Should we walk in together? I was like, no, no, no, I want you to be in the park ready for me. And he was like all right, how, how do you want me? And I said I want you to be in the corner of the park completely naked on your knees, waiting. And do you know what he said?

Speaker 1 20:25

Yes, daddy, or something like that.

Speaker 2 20:27

He literally said yes, daddy.

Speaker 1 20:28

Yes, daddy.

Speaker 2 20:32

And so I drive up to the park, because I drove around the corner, because I'm lazy, and um yeah, I went in the park, took a left, like I said, and there he was, in the corner of the park, the moonlight bouncing off his tan lines.

Speaker 1 20:47

The reason why I'm not talking is because I'm gobsmacked and my jaw is to the floor.

Speaker 2 20:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:55

I would not do that Sit naked in a park. All it takes is for someone to drive by policeman and be like oh, this don't look good. Do you naked in a park? You're under estimate.

Speaker 2 21:05

Well, first of all, kneeling, please listen to my story correctly. And it was around the corner there's. You would have seen, or rather he would have seen somebody coming way before they would have seen him.

Speaker 1 21:15

Right, so he would know that. Oh, I'm going to put clothes on if it's not you.

Speaker 2 21:19

Like this park, or dark behind a tree, like this park is huge and it was night time, but because I knew exactly where to look, I was very much aware of what he'd be.

Speaker 1 21:28

Do you know what you are? A little kinky bitch, aren't you?

Speaker 2 21:31

Yeah, I don't know, does it come under kinks? Maybe it does. Yeah, it probably does.

Speaker 1 21:34

Yeah, like kinks fetishes, I think so. Yeah, you're a bit more adventurous than me. I'd say I would not do sex in the park. Actually, I have done sex in the park before, and then I got caught out the next day because there's all grass stains. I told you this before, didn't I? Oh, yeah, the grass has been freshly cut. I had no idea. So when I got in I was caked in grass, yeah, and it was just all in the house. And then people next day were like did you have sex in the park? Maybe You're tragic.

Speaker 2 22:00

Yeah, so that happened. It was wild, so we were in there for a good couple of hours. It was great.

Speaker 1 22:08

Well, speaking of wild stories, we put a little post out on our social media.

Speaker 2 22:14

Oh, we did.

Speaker 1 22:15

Asking for our listeners to get in touch with their scandalous stories.

Speaker 2 22:20

Scandalous. So it just reminds me of recess with that TV show.

Speaker 1 22:25

Yeah, I remember with the Ashley's Ashley and. Ashley or whatever it was.

Speaker 2 22:28

Yeah, it's basically the heavens, but actually, yeah, never realised that. But yeah, we did and we had many a hilarious story come through.

Speaker 1 22:40

But before we get onto that, I think I need a little refresher. I'm going to top up my drink and then we're going to be back to share these stories. Dearest listeners of my Big Gay podcast, Paris and Dave from Gaglio Breakfast here Now. We're not trying to upstage Benji and Brad, but if you like them, here's three reasons why you should join us. Weekdays from 7am.

Speaker 2 23:01

We've got the biggest guests, from Oli Alexander to Bimini.

Speaker 1 23:04

We'll play you the big dirty bangers to track you out of bed and we'll make sure they have a right good giggle while we're at it. That is on DAB Radio. Download our app or tell your smart speaker to play Gidio.

Speaker 2 23:14

And we'll catch you weekdays from 7am on the UK's LGBTQ Plus station Gidio.

Speaker 1 23:23

Well, we're back, we're refreshed, we're ready to go and we are ready to spill the tea on some of your juicy stories that you've sent into us.

Speaker 2 23:31

How lovely to talk about somebody else's hookups rather than just ours, for once.

Speaker 1 23:34

Right, I know, I love it, I love it.

Speaker 2 23:37

Validation that we are normal.

Speaker 1 23:52

Oh, right Right.

Speaker 2 23:53

Here we go, here we go.

Speaker 1 23:54

Okay, so we're not going to reveal any names. It's all anonymous because we can keep secrets, us too. So your secret safe of us listeners. Okay, our first message I was on a school trip to Paris and some friends dared me to masturbate, which I did, and I came on the Eiffel Tower Wow.

Speaker 2 24:13

Now, I've not, I don't know, I haven't actually been on to the Eiffel Tower, but I can't imagine there's many like private corners to do that.

Speaker 1 24:21

Yeah, I've been there twice to Paris and been to Eiffel Tower twice and it's always jam packed, whatever time of year, it's so busy. You queue for ages to go up, etc. So I don't know how they managed to actually come on Eiffel Tower, but very impressed by that.

Speaker 2 24:35

Very impressed. Fun story. I actually did that in a. You know what have you done now In a science class?

Speaker 1 24:48

I can't believe you. Today, you actually making me gag. Today, I actually I'm actually crying.

Speaker 2 24:56

Wait, so you was at school. I'm crying on a Godless life. It's because the laughter, the embarrassment I've just shared, this that I've literally just been reminded of this moment. Yes, in a in school, all boys. Boys go to school in a science class. I don't remember which science, I don't think it was biology, and yeah, that happened, oh gosh.

Speaker 1 25:14

Hang on, but no, like you were dared to or you just did it for fun, Sure, why did you wank off in the science class? I don't get it. I don't know how you would do that.

Speaker 2 25:23

I don't know. I was that age where just you're aroused constantly. Come on, you must remember, it wasn't that long ago.

Speaker 1 25:31

So you decided to bash one out in front of the teacher and your mates.

Speaker 2 25:37

I don't actually remember getting getting it out. I think it kind of all happened through my pocket.

Speaker 1 25:45

Over the trouser job, love it.

Speaker 2 25:47

Yeah, I basically dry hump myself.

Speaker 1 25:51

But I do remember that age and just being horny all the time when you first discover masturbating. It feels amazing right, and I just masturbate all the time.

Speaker 2 25:59

Yeah, well, that's who you are giving me shade. I was an old boy school.

Speaker 1 26:02

No, but I'll never do it in a school class. I'd go to the loo or something.

Speaker 2 26:06

Listen, I was at an old boy school, I was clearly gay and didn't realize it, and I was literally aroused the entire time.

Speaker 1 26:14

So you rubbed yourself over your trousers. Came in science class.

Speaker 2 26:20

Stay in school, kids, anyway, anyway, next story. I hooked up with a guy in a toilet during a huge queer pool party I was organizing, wow, but I'm giggling because I know who this is from and I know who this is about.

Speaker 1 26:42

But, as I said, secrets are safe with me, so I will not tell, unless you get me a double vodka, lemonade in lime, in which case secrets can get shared.

Speaker 2 26:53

Wow, it sounds romantic. If I think that the guy must have been super attractive to want to do that in a toilet, it must have been a lot of pent up sexual right, vibes Right.

Speaker 1 27:10

Right, Because we went to a pool party this year.

Speaker 2 27:13

we a queer pool party and we did, there was a lot going on, but there was a lot going on, but I think it's time to read the next question.

Speaker 1 27:23

Next slide. That's you right now. Next slide.

Speaker 2 27:28

Next question oh my goodness, not this one.

Speaker 1 27:34

Okay, my legs were in the air, I was on my bed and I was trying to suck myself off. Turns out, the door wasn't locked and my friend walked in. We've all been there. We've all been there. A boy is lying to you. If they denied that they haven't tried to suck themselves off, every boy has done it at least once in their lifetime. That's a fact. It's a fact. Gay, straight by whatever, everyone's done it.

Speaker 2 27:57

That's so true, and guys in clapping would be lying if Brad hasn't tried to suck them off as well.

Speaker 1 28:06

Maybe one or two. God give a go a break.

Speaker 2 28:09

Oh, my goodness, what the funny thing about this is. It paints such an image in my head because it must be such a, I guess, depending on what their angle was, but it's not necessarily the most flattering of things to walk past. In my head I'm imagining, like on their back, like up against the wall, using gravity to help, like, push themselves down. Yeah, that's how I'm imagining it. I can't decide if I'm imagining it for the humor or because I'm slightly aroused, like it's science class.

Speaker 1 28:37

Are you going to try this later? Benji, it's been a while since you tried to suck yourself off.

Speaker 2 28:41

I might do, I might do.

Speaker 1 28:44

Didn't Marilyn Manson take out his ribs or something so that he could suck himself off?

Speaker 2 28:48

Yeah, is that?

Speaker 1 28:49

like a urban legend type thing.

Speaker 2 28:50

No, I have heard that. You know, people get really take out their ribs all the time. The bottom two ribs, yeah, to get to suck himself off. Well, I think it's also just to have a smaller waist. I've been binge watching sorry side note, I've been binge watching botched. Have you ever watched it before? Oh yeah, I've seen botched before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the last current series. So many people were like, oh, I want to get my bottom two ribs removed.

Speaker 1 29:11

So the waist got smaller. They look skinnier yeah. Yeah, so they cinch in their waist and they can suck themselves off at the same time. So everyone's a win-win in that situation. Going to Turkey very soon for my next surgery.

Speaker 2 29:24

Just make sure you lock your door if we're going to say, okay, next one. I got a blowjob in a steam room at Clapham Common Virgin Active.

Speaker 1 29:34

Well, I'm not surprised because there's lots of gays in Clapham and lots of them go to the gym, so it's going to happen.

Speaker 2 29:40

Yeah that. I have heard so many stories about that gym. It must be filthy, the poor cleaners, yeah. Or do I? Can they just turn a blind eye? Maybe, when you like, take a job into your life, just let you know this is a massive gay hotspot, yeah. And when you go in the showers, just eyes to the ground.

Speaker 1 29:55

Yeah, just don't look, because Virgin Active is kept afloat. This business is kept alive by the gays of Clapham, so we need their pink pound. So true yeah, do you recommend you arrive there?

Speaker 2 30:04

like Hi, welcome to the Clapham Common Virgin Active. Here's your towel, here's a bottle of water, here's a condom.

Speaker 1 30:11

Okay, so you want to come through the door on the?

Speaker 2 30:13

left.

Speaker 1 30:15

I wonder if, like, straight men also go there and they might be thinking what the hell's going on. Or maybe that is the appeal.

Speaker 2 30:21

That's why straight men do go there Straight men in Clapham, surely not?

Speaker 1 30:25

Yeah, cause I've had a few stories about some straight daddies who go to certain gyms. For that reason, yeah.

Speaker 2 30:31

And speaking of straight, I get sorry. I keep like going off on my own tangents because everyone to the run this episode and I feel like you've controlled the whole narrative. Have you seen the latest stats where now HIV diagnosis there is more in heterosexual men than gay men?

Speaker 1 30:47

Yes, I saw that was announced today, but that's in Scotland. I believe that part of the UK that that's had the statistics taken over.

Speaker 2 30:55

Yeah, Well, wherever it is not that I'm trying to make it a competition, obviously I don't anybody to get diagnosed with it. However, that means the gay community. You are doing so well, we're doing so well, to try and fight it and talk about it and break the stigma. And the more we break the stigma, the more people go get tested. They could find out they do or don't have it and get the easily available medication to help them out. So just want to drop that statistic in. But yes, interesting, isn't it Right? Next one is yours.

Speaker 1 31:20

All right. Next one I was topping the guy bent over a farm gate on a country road. Scandalous question mark winky face.

Speaker 2 31:28

Why have you reshared this with the comment only if it was your dad? Well, I caught your guard there didn't I, I did. Either you know who this is and you know they have a sexy dad, or you are trying to insinuate that country boy is trying to dance.

Speaker 1 31:49

Maybe it's a bit of both, who knows? But as I say we can't reveal these secrets because these are secret stories that have come into us personally.

Speaker 2 31:56

That's why his hair is so thin, because he shares everyone's secrets. Wow, kind of sexy actually. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 1 32:04

I would dig the, the farm yard fantasy. Yeah, I would do that.

Speaker 2 32:08

As long as there are no horses, and that's not euphemism. Horses terrify me.

Speaker 1 32:11

Did they actually?

Speaker 2 32:12

Yeah, I mean funny fact when we were talking about going to that sexy stable night which we may well, still do that. The idea of the possibly being horses there really does intimidate me.

Speaker 1 32:24

You know, there's not actually real horses there.

Speaker 2 32:26

I know, but what happens if there's horses on the wall or someone's coming on a horse?

Speaker 1 32:30

mast.

Speaker 2 32:32

Who knows?

Speaker 1 32:33

Wow, I didn't realize you had a phobia of horses.

Speaker 2 32:35

Yeah, we'll talk about that another time. I definitely know where it's come from, but yeah, they just scare me All right.

Speaker 1 32:41

So you would do the farm fantasy, but not if there's horses around. I'm thinking stable boy in the haystacks.

Speaker 2 32:48

Well, I'm also really allergic to hay.

Speaker 1 32:50

Oh God, okay, you cannot be doing the farm yard fantasy.

Speaker 2 32:54

My allergies.

Speaker 1 32:58

I'd love it if I mess you on Grindr. I'm really into the farm yard, vibe, I really want to go to the hay. I want horses to be running around and you're like, this is not for me.

Speaker 2 33:08

No, not for me. No, I thought about hang on. Let me just take a couple of packets of antihistamine and get a couple of shots and I'm on my way.

Speaker 1 33:16

Wow, that is real sexy, that right there. Let me get my antihistamines in first.

Speaker 2 33:22

Let me bring my EpiPen, and I'll be there in a minute. Oh gosh.

Speaker 1 33:29

Okay.

Speaker 2 33:29

Next one Juicy Story. Oh, they've even said it's Juicy themselves Two blowjobs and a handjob session from an old school friend in a local pub toilet One Christmas Eve.

Speaker 1 33:42

Now, this does not surprise me because this reeks of gay boy from small town going to the big city meeting new gay people, being very, you know, open with a sexuality, going back to small town for Christmas, and then the closeted gays wanting a bit of that action. I've been there, I've done it, I've seen it.

Speaker 2 34:00

I know it goes on, so did you write this it happens.

Speaker 1 34:04

You know your school friends that are, you know, bit by curious, whatever they're closeted. And they love it when the gays return back from the big cities to the small towns at Christmas time.

Speaker 2 34:14

They love it. I do have a couple of questions, because it says two blowjobs and a handjob session from an old school friend. So there was only two of them, yet there was two blowjobs and a handjob. So I feel like this is a whole night experience.

Speaker 1 34:27

Yeah, I imagine they kept going to the loo together and then every time they went to the loo was getting in on the action.

Speaker 2 34:33

Oh my goodness, this is like the raunchiest Christmas Eve ever I know, I mean Santa delivered that night, didn't he?

Speaker 1 34:39

Ho, ho ho.

Speaker 2 34:42

Good. Oh my goodness, your comedy is just special.

Speaker 1 34:50

Right. Next one's yours Right. Last one, oh my goodness, this one. I got sucked off from a passenger. I'm the crew. He was on honeymoon with his wife. Oh no, okay, that is pure scandalous.

Speaker 2 35:02

So, so, so scandalous. I'm here for it. I'm so here for it, although it does make me a little bit sad, but I'm also here for it.

Speaker 1 35:10

I'm the same. I love the kind of the drama and the goss, but I do think that I'll bless that guys. He's got married to a woman which maybe clearly doesn't want to be doing.

Speaker 2 35:18

Yeah, I mean, who knows, that's not full too sorry for either of them, because maybe it's an open relationship.

Speaker 1 35:22

That's true, that's true.

Speaker 2 35:23

Maybe she's in on it, like I've seen people on various apps that do have girlfriends and they all play together, and it's a very open experience situation. What I'd like to know is were they in their seat at the time of this happening or did they go to the toilets? Because, as we've spoken about before, I have fooled around in airplane toilets before and they are tiny. It is a struggle.

Speaker 2 35:48

Game of Tetris what goes where when it kind of is yeah, I mean, if you're both facing the same way, it's easier, because then, like you make, you kind of take up the same map with space with each other, but if you're facing each other and you take up more space, do you get where I'm going with this? The geometric Totally?

Speaker 1 36:06

get where you're going. Yes, so yeah.

Speaker 2 36:08

So for them to have done that in a toilet, it's actually, I guess, one was sat down and one was stood up.

Speaker 1 36:12

Oh, I guess you could do that right. So if I'm sat on the toilet doing the sucking, the guy that I'm sucking off with them be like stood over me, right? Then we could squish in.

Speaker 2 36:21

Yeah, but also sorry digressing. It's not very discreet coming out the toilets in airplane because everyone is facing you. Basically, well, if it's the front of the plane, if it's the back of the plane, then I've never come out of a airplane toilet and not had somebody waiting to go in. I felt there's a constant queue.

Speaker 1 36:38

So I've heard that if you want to do my high club, you have to do it on an overhaul. Is it overhaul, long haul?

Speaker 2 36:44

Overnight long haul.

Speaker 1 36:45

Yeah yeah, everyone's asleep, and that's where you can sneak off, because it's like 2am, everyone's mostly asleep, right?

Speaker 2 36:52

Yeah, that would make sense. Maybe I should do some more long haul flights. Is that why you went to New York? Skarsgana? Cheapest flight this afternoon, here we go. Well, anyway, that was the last one that we're going to share. Thank you so much for everyone that wrote in the worst mothers, but obviously these were ones that really made us kind of shocked and question many things actually including cabin crew and people that live in the country, Anyway.

Speaker 2 37:29

So once you're digesting that, podcasters, I'm ever so sorry. That's all we have time for on this week's episode of my Big A podcast. If you enjoyed our storytelling and you want to hear more of what we get up to on our Instagram, please head over and give it a follow. It's at Big A podcast. We're always putting up polls, questions et cetera, and we'd love to hear from you if you do have any stories that you're willing to share.

Speaker 1 37:49

And, as always, our DMs are open for you. So if you get in touch or just say hello, then we would love, love, love to hear from you. You know where to find us, absolutely.

Speaker 2 37:58

And on that point, drag Race UK season five starts. Tomorrow we are going to a viewing party in Clapham. If you are watching Drag Race, let us know what you think of the episode. Tell us who is your front runner. Who do you want to win? Tell us any goss you've got. We would love to hear from you. And finally, next week we have a very special guest coming up to the podcast. He is an award-winning LGBTQ bus educational author. What, what, what, yes. So if you'd like to hear more on that, please tune into next week's episode. But, like I said, that's all we have time for in this week's episode of my Big A podcast. Until next time.

Speaker 1 38:28

See you next.

Speaker 2 38:29

Wednesday hey, although I am scared of horses, I can't actually do a horse impression.

Speaker 1 38:35

Oh God, let me see you.

Speaker 2 38:36

Okay, but I have to hide the camera because I feel like I look really ugly when I do this. Okay, is that good.

Speaker 1 38:45

That is good, we've got a stallion in the house.

Speaker 2 38:52

All I'm hoping is that in horse language means I mean no harm, please leave me alone. I'm terrified of you.

Speaker 1 39:00

I can't wait to hear this story.