S6. Ep 4. Two Gays and the Kinky Game

What happens when a bout of the sniffles meets an overdose of euphoria? Join us as we kick off this wild ride, where Benji's under-the-weather vibes clash hilariously with Brad's uncontainable energy. We reminisce about last night’s escapades, introduce a suspiciously nostalgic drink, and somehow manage to preview our plans for a deeper, more introspective chat later on. Expect lots of laughs as we navigate this rollercoaster of moods and memories.

Fast-forward to the minefield of modern dating. Post-lockdown, dating has its quirks and we have plenty to share from our personal lives. From the art of cutting through prolonged texting to the perils of engaging with perpetually "busy" people, we spill all the tea. Humor and genuine connection are key, but there’s more: hear why some people are way more charming via text than IRL. And yes, we highlight the necessity of humor and rapport in making those connections truly meaningful.

Lastly, we dive into the labyrinth of gay dating in your mid-30s. This isn’t your typical dating advice session—expect real talk about the extra mental bandwidth dating requires, and the different pressures we face. With personal anecdotes and a humorous tale involving a "dog daddy" miscommunication, we paint a candid picture of our unique dating landscape. Plus, we tackle relationship dynamics, open relationships, and the Grindr effect, offering both insight and plenty of laughs.

Transcript

Big Gay Podcast Banter and Drinks

Speaker 1 0:00

Oh God, oh God, oh God, benji, this energy is not the energy I want from you right now, because we're here in the studio about to record our next episode You're giving me. I don't want to be here and I hate Brad.

Speaker 2 0:11

Oh my God, it's only taken like six years and finally you can read how I'm feeling.

Speaker 1 0:17

Come on, pack yourself up, we're going to go for it.

Speaker 2 0:21

We're going for it. All right, here we go. Hello and welcome to my big.

Speaker 1 0:27

Stop the music. That is not what we want. That's not what I want. I feel very energetic today. You're a lot today I know I've woke up and I've got very hyperactive energy, but can you?

Speaker 2 0:37

turn off Grindr. Sorry, that's really unprofessional. I wasn't Grindr actually.

Speaker 1 0:42

Are we?

Speaker 2 0:42

ready, so ready, hit the track, go. I'll say when I'm ready. Thank you, I'm the boss today. Me Go, me. Hello, and welcome to my Big Gay Podcast with me.

Speaker 1 1:09

Benji and me, Brad, giving you the life, the loves and lols of living in London, Two gays one city. What could possibly go wrong? Do you ever wake? Up and just feel like euphoria. That is euphoria, literally. That is what I've woken up and felt like today yeah, that's it.

Speaker 2 1:31

That means you've bought a decent bag last night that is so not true.

Speaker 1 1:36

You're gonna give everyone the wrong impression I just have these days sometimes I just wake up, I just feel very happy, like almost like I don't know what to do myself, got so much energy and happiness to give to the world oh wow, you really are.

Speaker 2 1:47

You're on it. I must say you have called me about eight times today. When you call me you say one thing. Then you know, anyway, I have to go, I have to go, and then you just name something like make lunch. I'm like you're aware you called me right but you know, I'm just like so happy.

Speaker 1 1:59

I just want to like speak to people all day long. I've got to give out happiness and you are the very opposite today. We are yin and yang right here.

Speaker 2 2:07

I know I'm really not very well today podcasters. I really feel down in the dumps. Not like a depression way. I basically feel like I've been drop-caked in the stomach.

Speaker 1 2:17

Is it because we went out last night and you can't handle one night out with me these days?

Speaker 2 2:21

No, because I have actually felt ill since last Saturday.

Speaker 1 2:24

When I hosted the party. So again, you just can't handle the social life with Brad.

Speaker 2 2:30

I just think you've got dodgy cooking Personally. Anyway, right, what are we talking today about, Brad?

Speaker 1 2:35

Well, first of all, I actually made us a drink. It's a brand new drink. I've never even tried this before in my life. Yeah, I can see it. Yeah, it's a rum. Now, usually I'm not really a rum person, but it's a passion fruit rum and I love passion fruit and I saw it. It was on offer today in Tesco. So I was like, do you know what? I'm grabbing this for the podcast, and what if you mixed it with apple juice? No, it's passion fruit rum with lemonade with lemonade.

Speaker 1 2:54

yeah, I know, but it is like a yellowy colour, okay the more you say passion doesn't mean it's any more dark colour.

Speaker 2 3:04

This looks like a cup of coffee. It's that dark.

Speaker 1 3:07

Shall we try it. I actually have never tried this before.

Speaker 2 3:09

It's a new drink. What's it in a mug?

Speaker 1 3:11

I don't know. Anyway, cheers, cheers. Do you know what? That doesn't even taste alcoholic.

Speaker 2 3:20

That is so sweet, so sweet. It's like cow pole, it's like medicine. Give it to me actually, jokes aside, just for a second I'll be shady cow pole. Do you remember what it used to taste like when it was like crunchy crunchy? It may not have meant to be crunchy actually, maybe, just like my parents never put the lid back on the bottle correctly- crusty cow pole, it's like crystallised with the sugar. Yeah, because the sugar was so, and cowpoll was delicious, so good.

Speaker 1 3:43

It's like strawberry. I don't know. It's like a strawberry liqueur.

Speaker 2 3:46

Yeah, I kind of want some cowpoll. Is that bad?

Speaker 1 3:48

Are you addicted to cowpoll?

Speaker 2 3:50

I mean, I haven't had it since I was about, you know, last month, but I no, seriously, I haven't had it in ages, but I remember it being absolutely delicious. Yeah, you love a finger.

Speaker 1 4:01

Not from a dead man, though.

Speaker 2 4:03

It's the only man you'll get Anyway.

Speaker 1 4:06

I'm going to have another little sip whilst we look over our notes to see what we're going to talk about, because we've got a few things on the agenda today.

Navigating Modern Dating Challenges

Speaker 2 4:13

Oh, my goodness, put your mouth around that drink and stop talking. I'm not having another sip of this witchly brew, oh nice. Yeah, we've got loads of things to talk about today and we're actually having quite a personal chat, I think, today. I mean, we normally chat quite personally, but today I feel like it's very personal.

Speaker 1 4:26

Yeah, well, the thing is it's been a little while since we've done podcasts, so we've got loads to catch up on this year, and the first thing that I want to talk to you about is your dating life, because I know that you're quite a serial dater at times. How's it all going?

Speaker 2 4:38

Wow, straight in the deep end, I'm single, so thank you so much for bringing that up for everyone's attention. I yeah, it's a difficult one out there. You know, I think dating has changed so much since lockdown. Really, yeah, I think people have almost forgotten how to talk to each other and I just really struggled to connect. However, I mean I say this I went on a date two nights ago and it was like ideal, setting matched with them on Tinder in the morning chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. Went on a date the same evening.

Speaker 1 5:07

Great In there, no wasting time. You might as well get to the point, because if you're going to go on a date, there's no point chatting for like two, three, four weeks.

Speaker 2 5:15

No, I totally agree with you and I cannot stand, like this other guy that I'm talking to. Really hope he doesn't listen to the podcast. He is training to be a barrister nice good job, money really cute like nice guy chatting around. I was like, so anyway, when should we go for a drink? And he was like, oh well, I'm actually got my exams coming up, so I'm going to be just revising for the next six weeks, right? And I was like, why are you on the dating app?

Speaker 1 5:37

yeah, why are you on it? You want me to chat to you for six weeks? Yeah, and also it's probably not going to be consistent chat if he's studying, right? No?

Speaker 2 5:44

And how can you redevelop a relationship just from texting? So I was like okay, yeah, no worries Trying to chat, chat, chat, chat chat. And then I was like listen, I don't really like chatting on this app.

Speaker 1 5:52

I actually don't have my notifications on for Tinder and I was just like what, slow, slow.

Speaker 2 6:03

Hard work.

Speaker 1 6:04

Yeah, it shouldn't be that slow or that much hard work just to get a first date in the diary.

Speaker 2 6:08

Yeah, like, why can't I have your number? What do you think I'm going to do with it? Put it up in like phone boxes, like call for a good time.

Speaker 1 6:15

Is that why I keep getting all these missed calls on my phone? Is that what you've? Different time also, lol. No one calls you. Your phone died like four days ago.

Speaker 2 6:30

You hadn't even realized it ran out of battery. But yeah. So dating just a bit of a tricky one, and this date that I had, it was really lovely, the guy was so, so nice. It just it didn't work out. But at least we figured that out in the first right day.

Speaker 1 6:41

So you didn't waste all that time yeah, you didn't waste the weeks and weeks of chat, chat, chat, to then have the same outcome.

Speaker 2 6:46

Yeah, because it does take a lot of brain power to talk to multiple people at once and don't be at home like reading me like oh, benji, you shouldn't be like talking to multiple people. But sorry, if you're on a dating app. It's kind thing when I swipe, where I count down, I go I'm gonna give myself like 10 swipes or like I'm gonna give myself 20 swipes and I will swipe that many times and then I'll put my phone down, but I could then match with like four people of like 10.

Speaker 2 7:13

He wishes um and then you've got those four people to talk to. So straight away you're talking to four people, do you know, what I mean, and the next day you might match with some more it's just yeah, it's a vicious, it's a vicious game, it's a vicious game, it's a vicious game.

Speaker 1 7:23

I had that once where I matched with someone that same morning chat. Chat was great and we were both free that evening. I was like let's just do it, let's just go for it, there's no point hanging around. And it didn't work out and that was great. I'm so glad I didn't spend weeks of groundwork to find that we just weren't a match one because on the texting hilarious banter, 10 out of 10 top form jokes, jokes, another joke flips, kicks, all of that right when we meet in person. Church mouse, oh quiet, no banter.

Speaker 2 7:53

I feel like you've heard this a lot where they give all the bants on the text. But this is what I mean by covid.

Speaker 2 7:57

I think lots of people learn how to talk in texting and maybe they've like because they're talking to more people remotely, they've like picked up like funny one-liners and like comebacks, right, yeah, stuff like that and in person they just don't have the bands and listen for me I I know we always joke about how I have a type I'm not going to go down that route just a second. But the one thing that for me that trumps any sort of looks job, anything like that is your sense of yes. If you can make me laugh, I don't really care about much else.

Speaker 1 8:28

You're like jelly in the hands.

Speaker 2 8:30

Literally. I am quite difficult to make laugh properly and I have been on dates where I've literally been like side stitches Great Pain yeah, is that why you've got a bad stomach today?

Speaker 1 8:41

Because you went out with me last night. That's why you were laughing non-stop.

Speaker 2 8:45

That's what it was that was not what it was. Yeah, so if you have a sense of humour, that is, I mean, if you're at home and you have a great sense of humour and you're single send me some jokes.

Speaker 2 8:54

No, it's not even just about jokes, it's just that sort of like bounce back rapport and I find it so when you start a date and you're chatting about something and there's a little joke and then, like an hour later into the date, they reference that joke that you would have like an hour ago. Nice, do you?

Speaker 1 9:07

know what I mean by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 9:08

I'm like, oh, that's so sexy.

Speaker 2 9:09

You've listened and you've like, reused this joke, but it's still just as funny yeah, marry me, marry me bend over and marry had somebody else I was dating and I thought it was going well and then they turned around and I think this is such like a gut punch. Maybe that's why my stomach's sore. No, I feel like there's such like a kick in the teeth. We were chatting. He was then busy for the next two weeks, which I said was fine, and I was like but just let you know, I'm then away, like I've got like back-to-back gigs out of London in London, like just very busy. He was like oh, I see, I don't really know what to do with that. I was like don't tell me that you're gonna end this just because of that. And he was like, yeah, I think I'm going to.

Speaker 2 9:50

I'm just like really needy and, like I've said before living my bright summer and I just think I need someone who's just there for me when I want them. I was like are you joking ending this because I work too much? And I invited him on the jobs. I was like come with me, hop in the car, don't worry about it, hop on the train, don't worry about it. No, boring Snore, snore lags.

Speaker 1 10:10

Okay, so now I've got a question for you. This might be a bit deep, and I know you like it deep, so we're going straight in there. Do you think you've got A little bit?

Speaker 2 10:20

I don't know, because I would argue that I've had more relationships than you have.

Speaker 1 10:25

Yeah, but I don't know if that's a good thing.

Speaker 2 10:26

Well, yeah, they were committed relationships, didn't she?

Speaker 1 10:28

But do you have like shorter ones? Because you get so far into a relationship and you're like, oh God, it's getting a bit too heavy, a bit too deep. I'm going to back out.

Speaker 2 10:39

I would definitely say that my last three or four like serious relationships. When I say serious, I mean like they lasted more than like a year let's say they all ended quite emotionally.

Speaker 2 10:50

Yeah, they're quite, I think, damaging for me uh-huh and I and I know that that took a long time for me to try and sort of process and get over the last one being, as we went into lockdown right, I actually ended it, regretted it, but I ended like two weeks before lockdown hit and then just had like just me by myself to try and process it poorly, thinking it was a bad decision. I do think that. I do think breakups can really damage you as you go into your next one now I'm not saying it's a commitment thing.

Speaker 2 11:18

I think if I find the right person, I'm more than happy to commit myself to a relationship and make sure I make time for them etc and put them first. But I do think every time I do meet someone I'm like, oh, this is actually going quite well, I do like self-sabotage myself and I can get the ick so quickly, that's yeah, I noticed that with you you're going a few dates't do this thing. He had hairy nostrils and that gave me the ick.

Speaker 1 11:46

It just gave me the ick no, but I feel like this is a regular thing with you, which is why I asked do you have commitment issues?

Speaker 2 11:50

because then, because you do, you're looking for the icks to be like oh yeah, it's not for have a relationship. I'm a very romantic person. I feel like I'm really trying to sell myself to you. Just to give you some reference, listeners, we're in the studio but we like to turn all the lights off. Apart from a couple of lamps, there's absolute mood lighting it is, yeah, it's actually quite nice.

Speaker 1 12:12

I've got my train of thought now so you said you're quite romantic as a person oh yes, love making people feel very special and like wanted and loved, I love doing that, I love, I love giving.

Speaker 2 12:25

And that's not. That's not a top reference. She is trying to be like emotional just for a second, yeah I, I, I want to be able to give all those things, so I don't think my subconscious is sabotaging me not to have that okay but I also know that it's only been the last sort of six months where I've really been like, no, I think I'm ready for a relationship. I will struggle with my timetable, but I'm ready to start looking at least.

Speaker 1 12:48

Great, I love that for you Now I know why you made me a strong drink. Get it down. You love Get it down you, because you said the other day something about. I do miss, when I was in my 20s, the attention that you were getting.

Speaker 2 13:01

Podcasts me and Brad right. We are incredibly close as friends. Obviously we do the podcast, but we're very close and we do share everything with each other. All these things that he's bringing up, I thought were like one-to-one over a lovely bottle of rosé, pouring my heart out. And he has been making bullet points in his notepad.

Speaker 1 13:19

Great, I'll drag Benji about that on the podcast.

Speaker 2 13:21

Lovely, and I was like great Content, content, content. Yeah, listen, I think this is something that I need to get a different drink, because this one's made me feel quite sick. So let's take a very short break and we'll come straight back.

Speaker 1 13:39

I see you've got yourself another drink. Are you telling me you don't like the dead man's finger?

Speaker 2 13:42

It's not that I didn't like it, it's like it's just it's too strong. I would have liked one finger. I feel like you've got like a fist in here.

Speaker 1 13:51

Okay, I'm sorry they didn't bring a measuring cylinder to the studio with me today.

Speaker 2 13:53

I just freepored.

Speaker 1 13:58

Someone's never worked in a Well, you have to all my mates, didn't I? Oh my gosh, free pour that job did not last long.

Speaker 2 14:03

No, I've changed my drink. Thank you very much, I'm very happy. So where were we on this whole? Like, let's talk about Benji's miserable dating life?

Speaker 1 14:08

I know, I thought we'd open up that can of worms this week. Yeah, so you said when we was out the other day there was something about being in. It's not quite the same.

Speaker 2 14:19

Yeah. So I don't want this to come across wrong because I really it's very difficult, without knowing me, to believe what I'm about to say, but I really don't feel like this is me coming at a very like egotistical point of view. But I was young, blonde, blue eyes, went to drama school. I didn't eat anything for three years and when I graduated I was very slim, the twink of twinks, the high cheekbones, the jawline yeah, I was, yeah, the epitome of a twink. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 14:47

And I remember going out and like clubbing, which I didn't actually do that often, but if I did, I could walk into a bar and I'd feel so confident that I could flirt with anyone and nobody would reject me, uh-huh, literally, like I mean, obviously it happened now and then, but really rarely. I never felt it being a problem. I had such confidence, but not in like a nasty way. I always was like just friendly about it, just very flirty, friendly, got free drinks, just having a good time and having a flirt, right. I now find it so jarring and that was part of my dating life and now it is such a different story walking into a bar, not only because I'm now, you know, a bar, not only because I'm now, you know, 26.

Speaker 1 15:26

No, not only because I'm now older. Another 10 years onto that and then we're about the right age.

Speaker 2 15:29

Yeah, washing mouth out, not only because I'm now older, but obviously again, like I said, like lockdown has happened, I do really feel like there has been a shift in this world. I think because of social distancing, people just don't necessarily like just walking up to them and chatting. I know you're not, like you're really good at this I. I know I've been out with you before on the pool, like years ago, and you're very good at just chatting to absolutely anybody and having a laugh yeah, that's true yeah maybe that's part of it as well.

Navigating Gay Dating in Modern Times

Speaker 2 15:54

I feel like I've got very high I don't know what the word is. It's not high expectations, it's just. I feel like I now have to put so much different headspace into just making that like jump or leap into starting a conversation with somebody that then I don't know what to do. When they start talking back, I'm like, oh god, now what do I do?

Speaker 1 16:16

help, help quick go into a dance. Do you know what?

Speaker 2 16:19

I mean it's um, yeah, it's a really weird one. So I think anybody else is in their sort of mid 30s who's feeling this way, like it's. I think it's normal. So I keep telling myself it's a really normal thing to feel. We were all young once and we all had a different level of confidence, whether it's in whatever it was, and it does change as you get older. Now a lot of people our age the straight, sorry to bring them up they are now married because they don't have to worry about it. Sure, I think the gay world we stay single for longer. Quite often we will be in a relationship, but maybe in an open one. Yeah, um, it's a very different kettle of fish let's say and it's quite a new thing.

Speaker 2 16:56

So I think a lot of us are still trying to find our way with it and how it works agreed.

Speaker 1 17:00

Yeah, I totally hear you with the heterosexual lifestyle. It's more of a mapped out thing, isn't it? Um, you know, you go to university, perhaps, or you don't. You you work and you meet someone and you have children, you get married and you kind of your life is sort of like destined for you, isn't it? Yeah, in the gay world, there's no set pathway, there's no chapters, there's no. Yeah, we just do our own thing and we're making it up as we go along. We don't have necessarily any goals to hit in terms of relationships like kids, marriage, et cetera, which also are pressures for the hetero world For sure.

Speaker 2 17:30

I know a lot of my straight female friends really feel the pressures of getting older if they haven't hit marriage or children or a certain job or pay packet yeah. You know, those are pressures that socially we, we put on.

Speaker 1 17:46

Well, we don't, but is put upon people for sure. One of my um straight friends, actually a girl, uh, she has gone through this exact thing. She's similar age to us, she really wants kids and she hadn't found the one to have kids with and was considering and even looked at freezing her eggs and was like, oh my goodness, I don't know what I'm doing. I thought by now I'd find the one. I'd be married, we'll be planning for our children and I'm in my 30s and that hasn't happened for me and you know I felt really sorry for and I was like god, I feel like I don't have any of that pressure yeah, just do my own thing.

Speaker 2 18:11

No, we just have to worry about aging.

Speaker 1 18:13

Yeah, right but obviously I do have gay friends same age as us. Well, I'm 26 plus 10 um Come on math. They've all said the same thing. You're not the only person to have said this. To me, it's a different thing when you're kind of like the fresh meat in town, right, and you've got that twinkie aesthetic and you're walking in and all the heads turning like who is this newbie? Someone like you has been around the block quite a few few years Like oh, it's him again.

Speaker 2 18:43

But do you know what? That is another really good point. I have been around the block and I thought you were going to make a joke about like body count etc. Which obviously I'm not going to go into right this second, but I'm 525,600.

Speaker 1 18:56

You can't make that joke when I'm drinking. I was choked.

Speaker 2 18:59

Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'd love to watch you choke. No, not talking about body count, but I do think, like, again, I'm very romantic, et cetera, et cetera. I've already said that. And when you date someone on the first date, I know in my mind I'm either thinking this guy's really cute, I'm going to try and slip in. If we're going to have another date, I'll ask him if he wants to go to the theatre or like out for dinner, nice. And then I'm like maybe I could buy them flowers. No, I don't ever see that being done anymore. It's that laughable thing in a date. Or the other side of my brain is like take them home and shag them.

Speaker 1 19:30

Wow, literally one extreme to the other.

Speaker 2 19:32

Yeah, but I think it's because of like the Grindr world.

Speaker 1 19:34

I don't know if that had a relationship.

Speaker 2 19:40

I'm just double checking this is correct.

Speaker 2 19:41

I've never been in a full on long term committed relationship where we slept together on the first date ha so I do have like a rule now if I really like them and I have actually said that to some people like I'm really enjoying chatting to you, I really want to see you again, I really want to invite you back to mine, but I don't think it's a good idea, because I'd like to see you again and I just would like to leave it here, if that's okay, and a lot of people are okay with it and some of them think it's just a polite way of being like I'm not interested.

Speaker 2 20:07

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also I know that we're talking about my experiences with this, but I can't really ask you yours, because I know for you and I know we're not going to go into too much on the podcast. All the dating apps yes, you've come off all the other facebooks gone because you, a little bit like what I was just saying, you've started dating someone and you're enjoying it and you don't want any confusion from elsewhere and you just want to focus on this one sort of few dates, correct?

Speaker 1 20:33

correct. Yeah, it's going well. And I was like you know, I just want to put my all into this and I have been in positions a little bit younger where I felt like I've kept my options open, even though I was kind of liking someone. That's going well. We're still maybe dabbling in and out and I just think that's not a good energy focus. So I thought, yeah, I like this guy, it's going well, I'm going to delete all the apps and just focus on this and just see where this goes, put my energy into this and see what happens. You know.

Speaker 2 20:59

I think it's a good move for you, because you're really bad at multitasking.

Speaker 1 21:02

Really bad yeah.

Speaker 2 21:03

Yeah, really bad. When we went on a date, weren't you talking to four Bens at the same time?

Speaker 1 21:07

Oh God, that's why I gave you the name Benji, because I had to give them all a slightly different name so I could remember which one was which.

Speaker 2 21:19

And hence the name, Benji. It also calls me Fluffy, which you've never called me before. Well, there's something I didn't need to share.

Speaker 1 21:25

Fluffy.

Speaker 2 21:26

Yeah, I don't know, I think it's because when I was a kid I woke up. I have like really good hair you do Like really thick, long, luscious.

Speaker 1 21:33

Why are you staring at me as you say those awful words? Like stabbing me in the heart.

Speaker 2 21:39

I'm just watching the lamp light bounce off your scalp. Yeah, so when I wake up in the morning it would be like all over the place, right, I think that's where you call me Fluffy.

Speaker 1 21:48

Yeah, that's where Benji was born.

Speaker 2 21:49

Yeah, was you had a Ben, a Benjamin, a Benny and a Benji.

Speaker 1 21:53

Yeah, a Ben a Benny was one.

Speaker 2 22:04

And yeah, because I was like God, there's too many, I have to like work out a name for them all. Well, your name in my phone is Brad, Don't Answer, Anyway. Anyway, enough about us chatting about our miserable well, my miserable dating life and your annoyingly going well dating life. Let's crack on with the podcast and talk about something a little bit more cheery. So podcast is this is too many dead man's fingers how many fingers you had in you Two. None.

Speaker 1 22:30

You said two. I'll take your first answer. Two, none.

Exploring Queer Kinks and Role Play

Speaker 2 22:34

Everyone loves a cheeky fingernail then. So podcast is like I was saying. We're now going to up the energy and go to one of our new favourite segments it's time for Queer Diary.

Speaker 1 22:44

So this week's Queer Diary is as follows Hi, benji and Brad, any kinks to recommend for me and my boyfriend to try the hotter the better. Please Wink emoji Right, straight in there, straight in. Any kinks to recommend? Now, the thing is, I used to think that I was fairly kinky as a person until I met you, and you are a whole different level, so I feel very vanilla.

Speaker 2 23:10

You're very wool. Soft scoop vanilla ice cream.

Speaker 1 23:14

So you're probably better to answer this one. The only thing that I would add in is I bought a board game many years ago for one of me and my exes to play. Is I bought? A board game many years ago for one of me and my exes to play and it's a bit like a Monopoly game. You go around the board and you collect like cards and tokens and things and allows you to try out various kinks.

Speaker 2 23:32

You put each other in prison.

Speaker 1 23:35

There is like role play and stuff.

Speaker 2 23:37

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 23:37

So you actually probably quite like the game. Now this is like a good board game to kind of like test the water and lots of different things, and obviously if you really like something you can then go further with it. But what was quite good is you don't know what the card's going to say. You don't know who's going to win or who's going to like get the next card to promote the next um thing that you do together. So it's quite a good game to play for two people, exploring maybe that sort of world a bit.

Speaker 2 24:01

Two or more.

Speaker 1 24:03

Two or more yeah. But actually the board game is called Monogamy. It's actually a straight board game. It's meant to be for a man and woman, but obviously you can like re-jingle the kinks to make it work for two boys. Who bought you that? A friend of mine who used to work for Ann Summers and used to get loads of free stuff all the time, so of free stuff all the time. So I've got loads of and some of free things in my room and we will end that conversation there.

Speaker 2 24:24

Um okay, so this is so. What do they want?

Speaker 1 24:26

they want kinks or fetishes uh, well, that's such a good question. What is the difference between a kink or a fetish? They've asked for kinks, but yeah, I thought they're the same no, they are quite different.

Speaker 2 24:35

Um, I believe a kink is like it's like a sexual behavior that it's like outside of normal sexual practices. So it could be like BDSM, yeah, or like cuckolding I don't know what that is. That is when, like, you're in a couple and and then you like if there was like me and my boyfriend.

Speaker 1 24:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:58

And then my boyfriend has to watch me have sex with somebody else. Oh, that's like cuckolding, right? I believe that's right. Or like exhibitionism, et cetera.

Speaker 1 25:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:08

Whereas fetish, fetish is things like bondage.

Speaker 1 25:11

Okay. So I mean they kind of blur into the same sort of world, or like feet I think.

Speaker 2 25:16

Oh yeah, like foot fetish a fetish is more about like body parts, whereas kink is like the action, I believe okay, I think that's more more right again.

Speaker 1 25:24

It's like foot fetish.

Speaker 2 25:25

It's all about the feet, yeah yeah, yeah, and a kink is like putt masks, sure I believe.

Speaker 1 25:32

I mean there's definitely a crossover, and I don't think it really matters.

Speaker 2 25:35

But what were they asking for Good ones to try? Yeah, oh, my goodness, why don't you start with this one Instead of dragging me as like the slut of the podcast, why don't you do it?

Speaker 1 25:43

Well, as I said, that board game is quite a good one to test and actually, with other partners along the way.

Speaker 2 25:52

I that you've played with multiple sexual partners. Which ones have you done that you didn't ever consider before, but you have enjoyed Role play. Okay, and what sort of role plays did?

Speaker 1 26:00

you do Massage, so I was like they were coming into my massage parlor. I was the masseuse and then I was like leading on that massage. I did it in a Swedish voice, hello.

Speaker 2 26:11

No, you didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

Speaker 1 26:13

episode of friends, no, so that was quite a fun one to do. And then things like toys trying different toys out, yeah it's all still very vanilla. What's like the most wild thing on the game oh, I don't know, it's been a little while since I played it, but I think it is all like slightly more vanilla edge and it's like a little taster of lots of different things and then obviously, if you like something, you can carry on and you do things where you have to roll the dice and it gives you an action like kiss, lick, suck etc.

Speaker 1 26:43

And it gives you a body part, so it might be like earlobe penis why did you look in my eyes when you said that?

Speaker 2 26:50

because we're having a conversation that made me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I need to take a break again Do you want another finger?

Speaker 1 26:58

No, I do.

Speaker 2 27:00

Look into my eyes. Okay, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, do you know what? Maybe that's a really good one to start.

Speaker 1 27:06

I think this is for your newbie to like. Want to try a bit of kink, but not quite sure where to go. That's like a good bit of everything.

Speaker 2 27:12

Yeah, and if you're going to do role play role play that sort of like massage one I can imagine it can't really. It doesn't really tell you anything about the other person that you maybe didn't want to know. Yeah, because I have been requested all sorts of role plays, right, some of which I've been like no, I don't feel comfortable doing that. Oh god, it's like what? Yeah, I mean, there's been ones that you would expect, like teacher, student okay now this one's really weird, right?

Speaker 2 27:33

you know, like in the gay world a lot of younger people might refer to old people as, like daddy. Yeah right, but if they're saying daddy, does that mean that's their son? Because I've had someone who we were talking for a while like we've met a few times, so I just want to try this but they were calling me daddy, which I didn't really appreciate, because at the time I think I was like 29, um, and then he was like you're calling me daddy, but what do I? What do you want? To be called as Did?

Speaker 1 27:54

he say son.

Speaker 2 27:54

And then he said, son, and I'd never made that link, and I was like, oh okay.

Speaker 1 27:59

Yeah, I'm not sure about that. Yeah, wasn't sure.

Speaker 2 28:01

So I was like no, I'm just going to call you like slum cut pig, I can't do that. But just called them something else, like boy or lad.

Speaker 1 28:09

I don't know what it was, it sounds so A friend of mine. He used to role play with his partner. They used to role play stepbrothers.

Speaker 2 28:17

Oh yeah, I'm all right with that.

Speaker 1 28:19

Stepdad's out. So you know what should we do? Oh, we should take your pants off, what? But you know that's so bad, like what if stepdad walks in?

Speaker 2 28:26

Shut up and take your pants off. Maybe I'm okay with that. But then again, remember I had, I think I called twins. Oh yes, I didn't realize I was twins till afterwards, and then I was really into it.

Speaker 1 28:45

Yeah, but then I was too drunk and I ruined it, ruined itself. Oh, my goodness, yeah, and I do it to myself. Um, what else could they?

Speaker 2 28:48

do well, you quite like outdoor sex, don't you? I like risk yes yeah, which I understand is going to put me in a bit of a legal issue because it is illegal to be having sex in public outdoors. But I think part of the thrill that I have is doing it in like places that you might not consider now I don't want to make that like gross for other people. I don't want to. I don't know. I don't do in places where other people will then be with, like their families or like yeah I'm not.

Speaker 2 29:12

I'm not. I'm a bit more considerate than that. However, yeah, like the idea of possibly getting caught. I do quite like Sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 29:18

So that might be a good thing to try out. If you want to, you know, test the waters, mix it up in the bedroom.

Speaker 2 29:23

And the best thing about like Public or outdoors Is you can start off so Mild, so mild. Yeah, you can literally start off with like Holding hands, kissing, sitting on each other, fondling underclothes like it doesn't have to be like full on, like penetrative on a park bench sure have you ever gone out. Oh, no, no question.

Speaker 1 29:43

I think this is actually quite tame gone, let's say, to a restaurant with friends and you're kind of getting with one of the guys and you've both gone off to the toilets together to have sex and then come back to the restaurant.

Speaker 2 29:55

Not in a restaurant, but in like a pub club.

Speaker 1 29:57

yes, Many times, many times. You've actually been there on a few of them. Where's Benji gone? Oh, he's in the toilet again.

Speaker 2 30:03

You were there and you and you and, annoyingly, one of these guys that I was dating that now said I'm too busy to be a suitable bachelor. He was into all that as well.

Speaker 1 30:12

Great, perfect, great, perfect match for you. Well, yeah, it was great. Single tear rolling down the cheek.

Speaker 2 30:19

I do think I don't really sell myself very well on this podcast. I feel like at the beginning Season 1, Season 2 I was a bit more like Well, you said I was quite prudish. You were a bit prudish A bit more reserved, a bit more like Teehee British, and now I'm just giving it all. We've opened you up. Oh my, oh, my, oh, my Goodness me, how many more innuendos do you?

Speaker 1 30:42

have. That's it. I'm all done for the day.

Speaker 2 30:45

So just going back to the question, so fetishes and kinks, yes.

Speaker 1 30:48

So we're saying maybe try like some games. There's lots of different ones out there.

Speaker 2 30:52

Games with toys as well. Games with toys Anything from from a little whip to.

Speaker 1 30:57

I had a feather tried on me once, not really into the tickling thing.

Speaker 2 31:00

I hate tickling it makes me panic, but I've tried it.

Speaker 1 31:04

I've done like paddle food food yes, oh, that game includes food actually.

Speaker 2 31:09

I've done like melted chocolate, squirty cream, all the above same delicious, nice, not if they're diabetic, found that out the bad way oh, yeah, not so good or lactose intolerant yeah that really wouldn't have worked out well, yeah, yeah um, yes, and then like work your way up to maybe things like outdoor, outdoor, yeah, I think, anything that you've never tried before.

Speaker 2 31:28

Do you know what? The best thing to do is just talk to your partner, yeah, and be like listen when before we were together. If you watched like adult content, uh huh, what sort of adult content did you like?

Speaker 1 31:38

watching. Oh that's a good one. Actually, watching porn with a partner can be quite hot there's me being delicate adult content, there's you, yeah, porn well, we all know what you're talking about yes, I know, but I was just giving it slightly more.

Speaker 2 31:51

I've gone back to season one too, benji, adult content. I hope we've answered your question. If you do have any more questions, or if you've been listening to this and you have any questions about things that we've done or you've done that really worked, share them with us, because we'd love to share it with everybody else that listens to the podcast. And maybe do you know what, brad, I think maybe I should write you like a bowl. Oh, actually, this is a really good idea.

Speaker 2 32:13

Oh, go on, why don't whoever wrote this in the two of you get ten little bits of paper and write down things that you want to try but maybe you're too embarrassed to bring it up and fold them up and put them in a bowl and then, when it comes to like a steamy evening, the two of you, wine's open flowing, you might say, the lights are low, you're lying there on this lovely shag rug. You just dip your hand in that bowl and you pick one out and, whatever it is, you've got to commit to each other, because you've put in 10 and he's put in 10. So whatever comes out, you have to commit to it and give it a go.

Speaker 1 32:42

I like that. That's a great, great game.

Speaker 2 32:45

We're going to call it Benji's Ball of Wonder, benji's Open, open, open, open bowl. Do you know what podcast we're going to workshop the name? But I think go away and give it a listen. If you think that's a good idea, try it with your partner, unless you're single like I am. And if you're single and looking to mingle, hit me up in the DMs. Filthy little plug right there.

Speaker 1 33:09

And, speaking of DMs, you can always slide into ours with your queer diaries. Whatever you want us to talk about, whatever you want to be brought up on the podcast, nothing is off limits in this little space.

Speaker 2 33:20

That's true, but podcast society that is all we have time for. On this week's episode of my Big Gay Podcast, if you've enjoyed it, please go to our Instagram and our TikTok and give us a follow. We are starting to do these new videos called Out in London Do you get the pun? Do you get the pun because we're gay? We're out out in.

Speaker 2 33:35

London. So if there's any places that you go and hang out with your mates or where you've found it really easy to socialise with people, please go to the videos on our Instagram and comment below and we will go and experience them ourselves and make a little reel and share it with other people who are visiting London but also maybe have moved to.

Speaker 1 33:51

London and want to media handle for you once again, in case you don't know, it is at big gay podcast but, like I said, that's all we have time for on this week's episode.

Tinder Date Dog Daddy Mishap

Speaker 2 34:00

Until next time, see you next wednesday talking about fetishes, though. I did put something on my um tinder profile so I said about my name at my jobs and then I said dog daddy, uh-huh anyway, match with somebody went on a day and he was. He turned up with a pup mask in his bag because he thought I meant that I was like this pup daddy and he was into pup play.

Speaker 1 34:24

Oh, my goodness. And there's little Ned, your actual dog, at the doorway.

Speaker 2 34:28

You're like here's the dog and here's the dog. Now, luckily, I do actually have a pup mask and I am not. I'm not into it, so it worked out well, but my goodness, it was a. You know, if you have a dog at home, just really think about it. How are you going to word that in your body? Thank you.