S6. Ep 10. Two Gays and the Lava Lamp

Can a petty argument really be the catalyst for an adventure in the heart of London? Join us as we navigate the aftermath of a heated debate between your favorite hosts, Benji and Brad. Amidst the tension, there’s a silver lining as Brad scores a free coffee from Pret, while Benji patiently waits for a planned rendezvous. Our episode is sprinkled with playful jabs, Mr. Burns references, and a reminder that Halloween is just around the corner—our very own "gay Christmas."

Feel that crisp autumn air and prepare for some spine-tingling fun as we reminisce about childhood Halloween shenanigans, from crafting seasonal posters to scoring the ultimate Disney sound book prize. Get ready for an event-packed October as we share our plans for Tully's Farm horror festival, where the thrills and chills of spooky mazes await. Our journey through memories and anticipation of what's to come is a testament to our love for all things horror, even if it took a while to embrace the Halloween spirit.

Ever wondered what it’s like to be the keeper of a chastity device key? We explore the hilarity of adult-themed communities, from surprise encounters in adventurous WhatsApp groups to the comedic chaos of "Locktober." Toss in some psychic reading skepticism and a notorious jam-related online video, and you've got a recipe for laughter and camaraderie. Don't miss out on our cheeky tales and musings, and join us in sharing your own stories for next week’s antics.

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:18

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big Gay Podcast with me, Benji.

Speaker 1 0:23

And me, Brad, giving you the life, the loves and lols of living in London.

Speaker 2 0:28

Two gays, one city. What could possibly?

Speaker 1 0:31

go wrong. Look, I was having an amazing, amazing start to my day. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 0:40

Tell someone who cares.

Speaker 1 0:42

Well, I care about it.

Speaker 2 0:44

Yeah, shocker that you care about you. Go on podcasters. We have a story no, I will start podcasters if you feel a vibe at home, be it a negative one or that one of slight tension. You would, in fact, be correct. Browse and I, today have had the second largest argument that we've ever had, and I know I'm maybe saying it like in jest, but seriously it was.

Speaker 1 1:08

It was firm words second, we've only had one today no, brighton.

Speaker 2 1:12

Oh yeah, do you want to bring that up?

Speaker 1 1:15

no, no we buried that. We buried that, that's uh, that's dead and buried yeah, there were tears, there was words said yes, that one was a big one and benji actually left the country.

Speaker 2 1:24

You did did.

Speaker 1 1:24

I did, yeah, you did, wow. Yeah, I had forgotten about that.

Speaker 2 1:28

Yes, the second largest. We'll leave it at that.

Speaker 1 1:29

Well, I actually had a really good start to my day until you came along. Not going to lie.

Speaker 2 1:33

Good for you, good for you.

Speaker 1 1:39

I went to Pret today the coffee shop and ever had a free coffee offered to you before no, but well, I've had that like qr code where you used to be able to get free.

Speaker 2 1:46

Do you remember like coffee club?

Speaker 1 1:48

oh yeah, not that, because you know, prep people they can give away free coffees, so many a day yes, oh, now you said that, yes, I have had a free coffee and a free banana from prep.

Speaker 2 1:58

You're from prep yeah, I have.

Speaker 1 1:59

I just stolen your story. No, no, no, no, but I've had the same thing. That happened today all right, it's not competition but I've had a few times because argument three is coming yeah, literally I um, I like to say I've got like a sunny personality.

Speaker 2 2:11

I like to like to think.

Speaker 1 2:12

When I walk into a room, the sun starts shining. So because I do that a prayer, I have had quite a few free coffees in my lifetime uh-huh, did you used to watch the simpsons? Yeah, I've Simpsons.

Speaker 2 2:22

Did you watch the episode where what's his name? Mr Burns?

Speaker 1 2:26

Oh yes.

Speaker 2 2:27

Was like abducted by aliens and he had to go for this treatment and they caught him like skipping through, like cornfields, uh-huh, and he was like completely out of it, just like la, la, la, la la. That is how I believe that you live your life Obliv, oblivilulu to everything that's going on around you.

Speaker 1 2:43

Well, that kind of makes sense, then, why you were fuming at me today? Because podcast is, I am a freak off. It's like today it's going to be an amazing, amazing day. Went to Benji's. When you opened the door I was like hiya, you just stormed off and I thought you were joking.

Speaker 2 2:56

Stormed would have been too much energy. I wasn't even giving you that. I opened the the door I looked you and I turned around and I went to the kitchen and closed the door, yeah, and I was like, are you okay?

Speaker 1 3:08

and then, you were just like, yeah, cold shoulder. Yeah, it was cold, cold shoulder, you deserved it. And then in my head I was like, oh, I think I've upset him, but I don't know what I've done.

Speaker 2 3:12

You knew exactly what you've done. Podcast is while he was, he was going about his day getting his free coffee, which, by the way, if it's your birthday and you tell prayer, they they are obliged to give you a free coffee.

Speaker 1 3:22

Oh nice.

Speaker 2 3:22

Yeah, and also I've heard that if you give them a compliment or ask them how their day is, they will also give you something for free. It's very like positive reinforcement.

Speaker 1 3:29

That makes sense. Yeah, because I always do that. I'm like oh, how are you? Have you had a nice day?

Speaker 2 3:33

No, they give you free coffee, darling, because your card gets declined and they've already made it. So whilst he was having his free coffee there, I was at home waiting for part of our day that we had planned. We had a meeting going on waiting for it to go ahead. Was this one skipping around getting free oat lattes?

Speaker 1 3:53

but I like being you ruined my entire day today I know, but you took a vow when we did this podcast. You said I will accept you flaws and all I did never say that that never happened.

Speaker 2 4:04

I did start the verbal beating by saying listen, I love you to pieces, but but then I let you have it yeah, I know, and I felt really awful, didn't I?

Speaker 1 4:12

well, yeah, maybe I did I felt awful, did you?

Speaker 2 4:15

yeah, good, you should feel bad. You should feel bad. You're a horrible, horrible little girl today I'm sorry, selfish self-centered, but we won't go on because the listeners at home don't don't want to hear about this. That's true, but sadly, podcast is this is going to be our last episode ever Because, quite frankly, I've had enough. No, I'm only joking with you. We resolved it, we think.

Speaker 1 4:42

And then I was trying to make you laugh and be like this is why you're single, because you act like this. That didn't help the situation.

Speaker 2 4:47

No, because I was like I've had longer relationships than fucking you man, bloody hell.

Speaker 1 4:54

But it's Halloween season and it's gay Christmas, so stop ruining gay Christmas for me.

Autumn, Halloween, and Horror Plans

Speaker 2 4:58

That's true. So if I do punch you in the face and you're black and blue and bleeding, at least you're blending with the crowd. Oh, my goodness. But no, it is Halloween season, which is no lie that this is your favourite time of year.

Speaker 1 5:08

Love it so much, right? I don't mind getting the winter coat out, the scarves, the autumn leaves the horror, the spooks, the ghouls, the witches, the wizards yeah, bring it all on, do you know what I day?

Speaker 2 5:25

I realized I loved autumn, so it sounds like the beginning of some sort of memoir. Um, no, but I remember being a kid um, it wasn't that long ago, obviously and on the radio my dad was a radio presenter. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but he was um, and he was just about to start. So he was listening to the radio to like just sort of get the vibe in the house and it was for him for research etc. And I heard on the radio they were doing this competition where you could make a poster to represent your favorite season and send it in. You could win a prize, right, I was really excited about this. I wasn't really the arts and crafts kind of kid but for some reason I think I think I was so excited for my dad being a radio presenter, I was like just throwing myself at it. Yeah, so I like I went on to like the, the common area, the football. It's called the common. Do you call them commons over here?

Speaker 1 6:05

So I used to call my park the rec, as in it's called recreational grounds. But everyone used to call it the rec, like oh, you're going to the rec.

Speaker 2 6:11

Cool, we didn't use that. We called it the common.

Speaker 1 6:15

Or there's a football pitch. Quite a number.

Speaker 2 6:16

Anyway, we went out to the Greenland and I I started collecting acorns and leaves. Anyway, long story short, I made this poster that was a leaf made out of lots of little leaves and acorns. Really cute, right, that is cute.

Speaker 1 6:30

Cute little like Crafty queen over here.

Speaker 2 6:32

I wanted to say like five-year-old Benji, but I was definitely older than that, which is a bit embarrassing. I think I was probably about 11. But anyway, I won Amazing and I won one of those Disney sound books. I won Amazing and I won one of those Disney sound books. I don't know if you ever had one, yes, but you read along and down the side. There's a panel and I won the yeah, the Peter Pan one.

Speaker 1 6:49

And you click the button, it makes the noise to go to the story. Yeah, you read the story and the picture.

Speaker 2 6:52

But yeah, yeah, and all I can remember is the Tinkerbell one which is like diddling, diddling, oh yeah yeah, ba-dum-bum, that was it.

Speaker 1 7:02

Uh-huh Ba-dum-bum, and you lived your best life.

Speaker 2 7:04

Yeah, thrived, Anyway. So that's my little autumnal story for you.

Speaker 1 7:07

So when it's autumn, does it remind you of that time? It?

Speaker 2 7:09

really does and I actually, like you know I like cold anyway. I love the summer when I can just be it. However, in london it's vile autumn. When it's cold outside, you're wearing like a t-shirt and a jumper not not quite the coats and scarves that's a bit too winter for me, but like autumn we're like you could be in a t-shirt if you wanted to, but you were a bit cold, but you were like a light jumper.

Speaker 1 7:45

I love it. I love it.

Speaker 2 7:47

Yeah, it kind of gets me going. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 1 7:48

Yeah, I do like it too. But do you like Halloween and horror? Are you a horror person?

Speaker 2 7:53

We were brought up, never allowed to celebrate Halloween, so it's not really like in my blood to celebrate it. In fact went to halloween parties until I met you, although there's a lot of things I didn't do until I met you. I've opened up your world. You're so welcome. Yeah, some of those doors I closed very quickly. Get the bag. No, um, you'll like it. It's sweet. Uh, what are we talking about halloween? Yeah, but I, I do. I understand why people enjoy it and we actually have a fun-filled Halloween diary this year.

Speaker 1 8:27

Oh my goodness, this weekend we are busy, busy with Halloween events.

Speaker 2 8:30

Yeah, Can't wait. Just the whole of this month is just back-to-back Halloween plans.

Speaker 1 8:34

Yeah we're going to Tully's, which I've always wanted to go to. It's a horror festival, I guess. Yeah, sure, that's part of October. I think they called it shocktober. Um, yeah, it's all like horror mazes and rides and you can get um beer and things I don't know.

Speaker 2 8:49

It just sounds like oh beer.

Speaker 1 8:51

Yeah, I don't know beer in the, in the cold, being chased by a zombie do you know what?

Speaker 2 8:54

beer in the cold. I'm really here for that, yeah. So it's like uh, they have it throughout the year. They have like escape rooms. It's like a whole big I've don't know how many acres it is, but it's big.

Speaker 1 9:03

Yeah, it's a massive farm, isn't it?

Speaker 2 9:05

Yeah, and we've been lucky enough to be invited to their press night, so we get to film inside some of the attractions, which is normally completely top secret and not allowed to. So if this does interest you and you like Halloween and you like immersive things and just something to do this Halloween, do go over to our Instagram and check out our recent reel. We're going to do a. Come with us to uh and do to tali's farm. Yeah and um yeah, show you what we get up to although I do have a secret.

Speaker 1 9:30

I actually find it really scary oh, there's horror mazes, yeah, yeah I will be absolutely fucking shitting myself.

Speaker 2 9:35

Yeah, watch your language, please timothy, no same, I don't like it. I don't like the unknown apparently there's this ride.

Speaker 1 9:42

I don't want to give too much away, but it's like a tractor and you are put into like a, a big metal, like um, I don't know, like trailer, I guess right that's the tractor pulls along right and it goes through all the woods and all these zombies start chasing you and like climbing on, like the trailer bit and trying to get in. Okay, as the tractor's like driving around and is this compulsory? I'm'm going to be screaming.

Speaker 2 10:04

Oh, my goodness, do you know what the tractor in the trailer I was here with? I mean, I grew up on an island where agriculture is rife, so I've ridden many a tractor, but the through the woods is where you kind of lost me with that one.

Speaker 1 10:17

Okay, it's going to be scary.

Speaker 2 10:19

I'm wishing I'd done more research, research before we accepted the invitation. But hey ho we're.

Speaker 1 10:23

We're locked in we're going to be doing it, so watch the space speaking of locked in and you saying shocktober, did you know it's locktober?

Speaker 2 10:29

what's locktober? It's uh, when people wear uh for lack of a better term a cock cage so I actually have met someone who wears a cock cage before so I know what that is who wears one before. Did you change that sentence over to who wears one? Oh crap, better not say he still does it.

Speaker 1 10:47

How before? Who has worn? Yeah, it's a blast from the past. So I have seen somebody with one on yeah, I listen, it's not for me.

Exploring Sexuality and Social Groups

Speaker 2 10:56

I don't want to wear that. I I have definitely hooked up with guys that have them on. Uh, I just don't know how you go about your day with them. I'll be honest.

Speaker 1 11:04

Yeah.

Speaker 2 11:05

I don't get it.

Speaker 1 11:06

You can still wee right.

Speaker 2 11:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 11:08

You just can't get hard.

Speaker 2 11:09

Imagine if you couldn't go to the toilet.

Speaker 1 11:10

I don't know. Some people have got some fantasies, but people wear them for the whole month.

Speaker 2 11:14

Oh yeah, because normally what happens is like A sub will have one and wear it for a little bit and will offer the key to, like a key keeper hang on.

Speaker 1 11:22

Did you buy someone a lock before?

Speaker 2 11:25

they asked me to buy them a cock cage. Yeah, did that happen? No, because that was that guy that then. That was the brat that then didn't want to see me because I was working too much who, by the way, I actually did me up with last week. But we'll save that for later on the podcast. Um, and he may well be listening this episode, so I will edit perhaps, what I say ever so slightly.

Speaker 2 11:42

But yeah, I've never actually the key for someone, but I've had many a person ask if I will be the key keeper.

Speaker 1 11:47

Wow, yeah, I mean great Keeper of the keys, but that would make me really nervous.

Speaker 2 11:51

Like if my, you know, very special gentleman was locked away in a cage and someone else had the key. What happens if there was an emergency and I had to get it off?

Speaker 2 12:01

Oh God, yeah, I emergency and I had to get it off oh god, yeah, I bet a and e is rife in october, with people needing them cut off. Yeah, lock tober. I've never actually heard of that. So remember I mentioned this like um fisting group that I was out of, two literally first of october, everyone posting pictures of them all locked up. Oh, wow, yeah. And then there's like this top is like holding this like ring with like six or seven keys on it and he's like a keykeeper the warden, prison warden. I'm sure I don't know why you have this like way of just turning things into being almost theatrical like it. Whatever it is you're doing to it, it's making it not sexy. It's the story of my life. You managed to remove, like, any sort of allure or sex from anything.

Speaker 1 12:45

It's quite a talent.

Speaker 2 12:45

It's a gift yeah, oh my gosh, we finally found your talent, finally found it. It's making any situation that could be really hot, not hot.

Speaker 1 12:55

I'm the person you want at a orgy.

Speaker 2 12:57

Yeah, when you want everyone to leave.

Speaker 1 13:00

Time to move on. Everyone Hi, everyone Hi everyone.

Speaker 2 13:06

I'm just about to put on the mega mix of Legally Blonde. You're very welcome to watch. Here we go. That's how you clear a room, people. But speaking of WhatsApp groups, I've been added to another one.

Speaker 1 13:14

Oh God, what now?

Speaker 2 13:17

This one is a bit different. Actually, I was going to say full extreme. It's not actually as extreme, but it is literally a sex group and we have discussed it before in our group, our social group, and I never thought I was going to be added to it, but this week I was.

Speaker 1 13:31

The main one, the main London one, the main one that is around the word trouble.

Speaker 2 13:36

We'll just leave it at that. Yeah, I was added to that.

Speaker 1 13:38

I have a few of my friends that are in that group. Yeah, I saw them them oh, you've seen them yeah, yeah, uh, and so obviously I've had a little nose and like little, look see what goes on in there.

Speaker 2 13:47

I mean busy the difference with this group is it's on vanishing um messages, right. So they only say that I think it's for 24 or 48 hours, whereas the fisting group that I'm in it's there, they don't vanish, right. So people send like vanishing pictures, but otherwise the chat is there for as long as you're in the group, sure. But yeah, this other group, yeah, people that I'm like, quite friendly with, I've seen a different side to them. Now again, not judging, I'm not saying it's a worse sign, better sign, it's just it's. There's no in, there's no soft introduction to it, it's just you're in the group and wham bam. Thank you, ma'am it's all there.

Speaker 1 14:18

yeah, wow, it's all there. And have you seen people in the group that you know and you're like did not know you were into that? Yes, actually, oh gossip, yeah gossip.

Speaker 2 14:28

I don't know if they listen to the podcast. They might do, Do you remember? Oh, it's just too much actually Tell the gossip. Okay, I'll keep it really elusive.

Speaker 1 14:36

Will I know the?

Speaker 2 14:37

person. No, no, but our like avid fan listeners will get the story really well, and if you don't fully understand it, just go back and listen. There was a guy that I was seeing and I shared the story on the podcast and they caught wind of me sharing it and I got in trouble with them. Do you remember?

Speaker 1 14:54

Was this to do with Buckingham Palace?

Speaker 2 14:55

Yes, don't say anymore because I don't want to give away too much. Well, the person who told the guy that I was seeing about me sharing the story yes, he's in it, and it was one of the first posts that I saw. Wow.

Speaker 1 15:09

Yeah, have you said hello.

Speaker 2 15:10

No, I have not. I've kind of just kept quiet for a bit Okay. An onlooker surveying yeah, I don't normally like that. Like I said in the fisting group, I introduced myself straight away because I didn't like being this sort of like creep in the background, what you're gonna do.

Speaker 2 15:22

I ain't got no time for no lucky lube. I'm not one of those. Uh, I mean, there's a time, no place, but that was. I felt a bit weird. But this one I have. There's over a thousand people in this group, so I don't feel it necessary to introduce myself. No well, I was in the other one. There was about 150.

Speaker 1 15:36

Oh, that's a bit more. It's a bit more. I mean, there's now like 350.

Speaker 2 15:39

But anyway, we digress. Yeah, so that's been quite the week, but we've got other Halloween plans coming up.

Speaker 1 15:44

We do and we're going to talk about them after this very short break.

Speaker 2 15:54

Oh gosh, I really feel like we went off there for a minute. We did. I did not know about this other group, so thanks for sharing I wasn't really planning on sharing that with you, to be honest, but what I will share with you are these little tinnies that I brought for us oh, I know. So I'll be honest. I've got into a bit of a uh dirty habit let's call it of um drinking red bull it's not good for you it's really not.

Speaker 2 16:15

And last sunday when we went to sasha colby, oh yeah, I drank three in quite quick succession your heart must have been pumping I did not go to sleep till about half past seven in the morning that's not like you either no, and it took a long time for me to like actually drift off to sleep and I woke up at like 10 and I was still wide awake who needs cocaine when you've got apricot red bull? Yeah but I've still never done cocaine my body doesn't have red fine anyway.

Speaker 2 16:37

So my favourite if anyone from Red Bull is listening, feel free to send me mountains of fucking mountains of it, because I really like it and my drink of the moment, flavour of the moment, actually is the coconut and berry. And do you know who got me started on this?

Speaker 1 16:52

who.

Speaker 2 16:53

Scarlett Harlot, the drag queen oh yeah, because she requested it at a gig once and I was like I've literally never even heard of that and it's delicious.

Speaker 1 17:00

Well, you've got me apricot strawberry.

Speaker 2 17:02

Which I thought was sweet and kind of bland, a bit like you.

Speaker 1 17:05

Sweet, sugary and lots of fun Right here we go, let's open them up.

Speaker 2 17:08

Red Bulls. Other energy drinks are available, right cheers.

Speaker 1 17:13

Cheers.

Speaker 2 17:15

Cheers.

Speaker 1 17:15

Colleague. Does this mean that we're friends again?

Speaker 2 17:17

No, we're colleagues. I jumped to it before you even got to it.

Speaker 1 17:21

Oh, it's so good, that is gorgeous, that is absolutely gorgeous.

Speaker 2 17:27

Cheryl Cole, the nation's sweetheart. I am absolutely gorgeous.

Speaker 1 17:34

I've not heard that for a while. You've not done an impression.

Speaker 2 17:36

No, simon, it's not a joke, it's my life. That would be your snatch game if you ever went on report, wouldn't it? Cheryl carl? Yeah, and every time they turned back to me I'd change my card to a different surname because she'd be married about six oh, that's funny. Oh, come on with the jokes it'll be like cheryl tweedy cut back cheryl carl, cut back cheryl carl fernandez one direction, yeah, one direction and then just C, which is like that bitch, cheryl, if you're listening, I actually love you, really love you, right?

Speaker 2 18:09

so anyway, we were talking about our Halloween plans. We're doing Tully's, we've got, we're going back to Broadway Rave tonight, which we will tell you all about once we've relived it, because I get to actually go this time yes, because you didn't make it last time, unfortunately, because I had salmonella and I was dying. Did I mention that I was dying? Because I was dying?

Speaker 1 18:24

yes, you did. I heard it once or twice dying, uh.

Speaker 2 18:28

And then sunday, because we did it last year and they've invited us back. We're going to fright night at thought park, which could be I don't know how good it is doing tallies's and Thorpe Park so close to each other.

Speaker 1 18:39

It's a lot of horror and horror mazes, and all of that in one, isn't it?

Speaker 2 18:42

Yeah, it is a lot and they're full on. Days Like Thorpe Park exhausts me. Yeah, no age jokes please, but I do find it exhausting.

Speaker 1 18:50

It's because you're on your feet all day, queuing, going on the rides running around.

Speaker 2 18:54

Putting up with you, you yeah well, that's energizing six gays going, seven, there's seven of us going seven gays.

Speaker 1 19:02

It's gonna be a bit mad, isn't?

Speaker 2 19:03

it, it is. But anyway, thank you merlin for the tickets.

Speaker 1 19:05

But yeah, it's gonna be um well, I'll tell you all about it, I guess, it'll be interesting.

Speaker 2 19:10

Sometimes it hurts my neck. The rides whiplash, whiplash, whip my hair back and forth. I will not be doing that, but anyway. So that's our, our halloween. Now I don't really have any fun childhood stories to tell you about Halloween, oh, other than one time my dad was away and my sister snuck me out and went trick-or-treating and I made like £400.

Speaker 1 19:27

Yeah, that's a side hustle.

Speaker 2 19:29

Yeah, I found this like estate around the corner of where my parents live, and they didn't give out sweets, they gave out cash. We're going there this weekend, cancel tully's castle it was so good we're gonna earn some cash literally it was wild, um, but you must have loads of like fun halloween memories oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 19:45

Yeah, I mean, I've always been a big fan of halloween, as you know, but there is one story that always comes to mind when I think of halloween as a kid. So I just started at secondary school. I was 11 years old and wanted to make new friends, right and so the school the school I was at in our year group there was a guy and he was hosting Halloween for all the boys. Oh my, oh no no, it's not what you think. It's not what you think. It's actually slightly embarrassing on my part.

Speaker 2 20:11

Podcast. I'm giving him the eyes. I feel like this is your first orgy. First and last no never, and Legally Blonde wasn't even written back then, so you couldn't have even performed for them.

Speaker 1 20:23

So imagine me 11 years old At this point. That's when I'd really started to get into horror about sort of six months before then, and I used to be obsessed with this horror movie called the Birds.

Speaker 2 20:32

Oh yeah, Hitchcock.

Speaker 1 20:34

Yes, yeah, and my mum liked quite a lot of horror movies as well, so we were really bonded over that and yeah started watching all these horror movies and she told me about this movie called the Exorcist and how horrendous it is. And she saw it when she was a kid and she snuck into the cinema because she was too young to go see it back in the day when it first came out.

Speaker 1 20:56

So they sneaked into the cinema through the fire exit door, watched it and it scarred her for life, kind of thing. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:59

So she was like please don't ever watch that movie until you're older, because it's hardcore did you know, in the exorcist, whilst they were filming it, the set burnt down like three times see, I've actually seen some of these conspiracy things about other horror films where weird things happen when you're making the film. Yeah, literally burnt down I didn't know about that one, though, yeah and somebody died, oh, do it, and I expect I would do a bit of research. But yeah, it was it was weird. Some weird shit's happening, man, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 21:21

So, anyway, I'm going to this Halloween party, 11 years old, with all the new boys I've just met at school.

Speaker 2 21:26

Right.

Speaker 1 21:27

And the guy that was hosting was like everyone bring a horror movie because we're going to have sleepover and watch horror films, right? So obviously I wasn't allowed to bring the exorcist because I was forbidden. So I was like, what do I have in my horror movie collection? So I rocked up with Godzilla, jurassic Park and Toy Soldiers, okay.

Speaker 1 21:48

Toy Soldiers is a film that is a good film, but that is not a horror film bit scary though you know when they keep popping up, you know the evil soldiers, and they've got like trying to attack them sure bit scary. Ah, and they've got to try and attack them Sure Bit scary, sure. So I went in my rucksack, got all these movies. We're going to have a wild night. And so then my friend at school was like okay, boys, what films has everyone brought? People were like Silence of the Lambs, the Exorcist I brought Godzilla.

Speaker 2 22:18

I brought Peter Pan because there's the bit with Captain Hook. It's really Godzilla. I brought Peter Pan because there's the bit with Captain Hook.

Speaker 1 22:22

It's really scary.

Speaker 2 22:23

I was a crocodile.

Speaker 1 22:25

No, I didn't actually say it. I was like, oh, I've totally forgot to bring any because obviously at this point I realised I'm not going to bring, I will not make friends if.

Speaker 1 22:31

I admit what I've got in my rucksack, so true. So I was like I didn't bring any films. So we ended up watching the Exorcist. That was my first experience of it and obviously when I went home the next day my mum was like how was the Halloween party? What did you watch? I was like, well, you'll never believe this the Exorcist. So she was a little bit fuming. She was going to call up the mum of that boy to be like I can't believe you've made my son watch this awful movie. But because obviously that came out in the 70s and this was like early 2000s, effects have come on so much so.

Speaker 1 23:01

I was like you didn't find it scary, one little bit like get over yourself, and that was that. So Halloween just always reminds me of me going to that house party trying to make friends with bloody Godzilla in my rucksack.

Speaker 2 23:16

That classic horror movie. It's not quite the birds, is it?

Speaker 1 23:18

No.

Speaker 2 23:18

Wow, okay, so you watched Exorcist all the way through and you were fine with it.

Speaker 1 23:23

Absolutely fine. Not scarred for life. As you can see, I'm totally normal and absolutely fine.

Speaker 2 23:26

I feel like the actress had to go into a psych ward after it.

Speaker 1 23:29

Really.

Speaker 2 23:33

Honestly, some weird stuff happened on that movie set. Well, I'm gonna have to google in a minute, but yeah, I remember basically when I did work experience a long time ago. I worked in like a little overweight benji. I worked in a kitchen making, uh, patisseries and stuff. I made cakes, basically right, and this cake were you eating half the stock? This shit, literally. Oh, my goodness, no word of lie. You know like um, like custard slices, cream slices, eclairs. If they didn't look like perfect, they were in the bin oh so I found this like massive.

Speaker 2 24:05

It's like I think it used to be like a big tub of mayonnaise, clean plastic box, and I just like scraped all their leftovers into there and literally I'd go home with a fork and just dig in wow, you're the the patisserie dumpster.

Speaker 1 24:16

I was the dumpster the dumpster.

Speaker 2 24:18

I was augustus gloop. I literally was augustus gloop. No, but the guy that I worked with, who was a bit weird now I think about it told me about the exorcist and brought it in for me to take home and watch and my um, my dad caught wind of it, or my mom caught wind of it and they were fuming.

Speaker 1 24:32

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:33

And I was older at this point, I must have been like 16. And they were like there's no way you're watching this in this household, wow.

Speaker 1 24:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:39

So I've still never seen it. You've still never seen it. No, I've obviously seen clips on those TV shows like top 50 horror moments, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 24:55

So I've seen little bits happens from scary movie referencing and stuff, but I've not actually seen the.

Speaker 2 24:57

Well, guess what we're doing now this halloween? No, I'm not doing. I don't think I want to watch it. I I don't know if I've mentioned this before I'm. I'm really fine with halloween, but I can't do anything satanic I really don't like it. Gore eating people, killing people fine. As soon as it's like satanic, I don't like it too scary, it's just. I feel like it's a world that shouldn't be played with. It's a world that could well be existing, and I mean a lot. This isn't talking about anyone's personal beliefs, but like people believe that it is real and there are some people that believe that it isn't real, but like, yeah, it's too much for me I'm guessing you've never done a ouija board never, never.

Speaker 2 25:33

I would never do one.

Speaker 1 25:34

Would you not no?

Speaker 2 25:35

Seance absolutely not.

Speaker 1 25:36

No.

Speaker 2 25:37

In America. Once I went to a fortune teller oh, yes, or whatever. You tell them like a palm reader.

Speaker 1 25:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Psychic one of those.

Taboo Topics and Queer Diary

Speaker 2 25:45

And there was three of us, my friends Blake and Hannah they're both American and me and Blake's mum. And Blake's mum was like oh, I'm taking you here, like I'm gonna pay for all of you, like you can go in one-on-one or we could all go in together, don't mind. And I was like, oh, my goodness, how am I gonna politely decline this? So like Blake went in, like paid, came out and it was like really weird stuff that she was saying, but like really accurate. And then my friend Hannah went in. There was my turn.

Speaker 2 26:09

I had to literally be like I'm really sorry, I don't want to do it. And they're like, oh, come on, it's just a bit of fun. I was like, no, I really I just don't want to know, because I'm the sort of person where it would really fuck me up. If that psychic was like you're gonna die in three years, the next three years would be the worst three years of my life. Literally. Yeah, I'd be living my life as in, as if I was in like final destination, great film, film. There's like 12 of them. I know loads. Yeah, I didn't do it, I just can't, I can't do any of that like into the other side.

Speaker 1 26:39

So you've never done a psychic reading ever, mm-mm. I did one a couple of years ago and she was saying stuff. I was like how would you know that, how she listens to saying things like names?

Speaker 2 26:58

I was like there is just literally no way that you would know that yeah, never met you in my life, but I do believe that people can access that information. I do believe, I fully believe that, yeah, but I don't, I don't want anything to do with it. I know, I just don't want anything to do with it.

Speaker 2 27:02

If there is that evil like demon, trying to make into the world evil side, there's whatever you want to call it, dark side, literally whatever you refer to, as I don't want to toy with it, just don't no toys here.

Speaker 1 27:14

Thanks, I'm sure I'm not your toy.

Speaker 2 27:17

I just, yeah, it's not for me, I can't do it, can't do it to myself. Wow, it could be the heavy christian uh like upbringing that I had. But also, yeah, I just don't want to play with fire well, happy halloween, benji I know scary, can't wait for all these scare mazes. But like gore and stuff is fine. Even harry potter came out. My mom was like I'm not sure if I want you reading it because it's all like witches and stuff yeah, yeah, yeah not that we're promoting harry potter I was gonna say we're not even gonna go into that conversation right now.

Speaker 2 27:44

Obviously we support all our trans brothers and sisters. But yeah, harry potter was one that wasn't really forbidden. Yeah, it was okay. In end, there's a TV show coming out about it, did you see?

Speaker 1 27:54

I did see they're remaking it, aren't they? Do we need a Harry Potter remake, do we?

Speaker 2 27:57

I don't know. I feel like it's done. I feel just like leave it now. It's had its time.

Speaker 1 28:01

For sure, and for all sorts of reasons it's become quite problematic.

Speaker 2 28:09

I yeah, we'll leave that anyway. I feel like we're waffling quite a bit, so let's go get another red ball. No, all right, fine, no more red balls, but let's get another drink and we'll be back right after this very small break it's that time of the week. It is time for queer diary you don't do it quite as well as I do it well.

Speaker 1 28:29

You did the little jingle, which is a lot of official thing. You wow, it's not an official jingle, that's not been signed off. If it's official, if I say it's Well, you did the little jingle which is not an official thing.

Speaker 2 28:34

Wow, it's not an official jingle.

Speaker 1 28:35

That's not been signed off. If it's official, if I say it's official, who made you the bus?

Speaker 2 28:39

Me Go on. You do it with your coke-burned voice. Come on.

Speaker 1 28:44

Queer diary.

Speaker 2 28:46

You actually sounded auto-tuned, then it's talent. I don't know what it is, but it's not talent, maybe she's born with it, maybe it's delusion, anyway, so this week's Queer Diary is oh, okay, so this is from David and he David.

Speaker 2 29:07

David David, not David David. I don't really know how to. Okay, for some context if you haven't listened to a previous episode. Last week we were talking about what things you may or may not have used as a sex toy to insert inside yourself, and David has written in and said the following Hi boys, just on the back of you talking about using a courgette as a sex toy, when I was around 13 13 I used to regularly use my lava lamp. Looking back on it now, probably not the best of ideas.

Speaker 1 29:41

The glass is actually super thin on those things now, I used to have a lava lamp when I was a teenager yeah, I think we all did we kind of grew up. It was a thing, wasn't it yeah?

Speaker 2 29:51

they're big. Well, do you know what actually, david? David, you're onto something, because that's quite clever, because they start off smaller.

Speaker 1 29:58

It's like the cone bit yeah.

Speaker 2 29:59

The traffic cone? Yeah, and if you plug it in it gets nice and warm.

Speaker 1 30:07

Yeah, it's the glass. I said no, did you ever watch that movie? Not movie. Yeah, it's a movie, porn movie.

Speaker 2 30:15

I don't know a movie called one man, one jar. Yes, it's not a movie, that's just a clip, isn't it?

Speaker 1 30:17

a homemade movie. I don't know what that was, it's not a movie like bloody godzilla now, that is a scary film.

Speaker 2 30:24

I won't hear a word against it oh, tonight kids we're gonna watch toy story soldiers, sorry toy story. Wow, wow dad. Oh, my goodness, do not have children um yeah, that one man, one jar.

Speaker 1 30:42

Oh, my goodness, that was something I watched when I was like early 20s, when everyone was talking about it, and I'm actually so scarred for life.

Speaker 2 30:48

I can still see it.

Speaker 1 30:48

I can see the blood gushing out yeah, yeah, it's the blood it's the blood and it's the um, if you're not seeing it, this is really gross. But basically a man sits on a jar like a jam jar, yeah, and he gets it, oh, he gets it in, and then you hear the like crack, yes, oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 31:02

And then he like poos out the no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the wrong comes out. That's the wrong visionary. He then yeah, he put he tries to push the jar back out and it comes out as like blades of glass it's going through me and then there's an awful lot of um blood yeah, oh god, you've gone white as a sheet yeah, honestly, it really makes you squeamish

Speaker 1 31:27

well you brought it up. No, it was david david's a lava lamp. Nothing about one man, one job but he said the lava lamp's got thin glass.

Speaker 2 31:36

It could be really dangerous hitchcock movie one man, one jar now, that is a horror film.

Speaker 1 31:42

That is a horror film. They should make a whole series out of that if you haven't watched it.

Speaker 2 31:45

It probably is readily available on the internet. But it just a pre-warning.

Speaker 1 31:50

It is not um, it's not it's not, you will be scarred for life. Yeah, you will be sure. You will never not have that image in your head when someone says one man, one jar yeah, and you will then really question about what else you might put up your bum well, talking about that, some other people wrote in with some other things that they put up their bum that's out of the ordinary.

Speaker 2 32:08

Uh, someone said the handle of a hammer my question with that is when are you in a situation where you're really aroused and all that you can grab, or rather the best thing that you can grab is a hammer now? Hammer time come here little kiddies on my lap, isn't that the lyric? Because he's back with a brand new rap. Um, I mean, maybe he's a sexy handyman.

Speaker 1 32:34

Bob the Builder.

Speaker 2 32:36

See what I mean. You just managed to make it not sexy. In my head it's like kind of like Scruff. You know, bit of stubble very. You know Olly King, high-vis jacket, work boots and a hammer, not the fucking brace-wearing bright yellow cartoon Bob the Builder. Can he fix it? You are no one's in this room right now. I'm embarrassed by you. You should feel embarrassed right now.

Speaker 1 33:06

Well, he then went on to say I also did a screwdriver as well, but the hammer was longer and it was more fun.

Speaker 2 33:12

Right, that's interesting. So he is someone that prefers length over girth. I would have thought a screwdriver had a long, had a thicker handle I wouldn't know.

Speaker 1 33:19

Do I look like someone who's got a toolkit?

Speaker 2 33:21

no, that's exactly wrong crowd, wrong crowd.

Speaker 1 33:25

So true, but if you needed one, you'd call bob the builder and then somebody else said um, just the usual toys and body parts now. Now, body parts sounds a bit ominous.

Speaker 2 33:36

Body parts. I assume they mean like fingers, toes.

Speaker 1 33:38

Yes, but when they say body parts, I just think, look, where is the body, where is the body? Are you up there?

Speaker 2 33:47

Not the joke, no.

Speaker 1 33:50

Okay, fine, took the joke too far. Yeah, jeez God, you're fun today, aren't you?

Speaker 2 33:56

I'm still not talking to you. This is purely for the listeners. You're welcome listeners. I'm sat here seething at you still. But no, I mean interesting. We also had like a baseball bat, and this next one I find very peculiar. And again, basically what they wrote in with is, um, like snooker balls, what? Yeah, when they wrote that in, I was like surely you'd go for like the snooker queue. You know the thing that you put the sit on the queue?

Speaker 1 34:22

oh, I'm gonna sit on it. Bloody hell, it's like seven foot long.

Speaker 2 34:27

It's longer than me.

Speaker 1 34:29

I could bat myself it's much like a roasting pig, you know, being turned around yes, no, I got it rotisserie chicken. Yeah, um, yeah, I know the balls as in like anal b type vibes I suppose, but do you put them in by number or I'm on stripes? That's cool, isn't it? Two reds, one yellow, please.

Horror Mazes and Jam Jars

Speaker 2 34:49

I'm on my last one, pass me the black wowzer. Well, there's all sorts of things that people have used to shove up their bum and, quite frankly, I've never used any of them. But on that note, podcasters, that is all we have time for this week's episode of my big gay podcast. If you don't already, please head over to our Instagram or our social media pages. It's at big gay podcast or you can check out mybiggaypodcastcom.

Speaker 1 35:10

And if you've got any fun stories that you would like to share with not only us, but also our listeners as well, then of course, the entire world yeah absolutely Let us know. We're all about caring and sharing on this podcast, so get in touch, let us know those stories. Slide in the DMs.

Speaker 2 35:25

That's right, but like I said, podcasters, that us luck with our Halloween endeavors this weekend. I don't know what state we're going to be in next weekend, but see you next.

Speaker 1 35:38

Wednesday. So I just zoned out there. I was thinking about the horror maze, Right? Well, that was just what I was thinking about. I thought do I actually want to do this? Is that why you missed your?

Speaker 2 35:47

line.

Speaker 1 35:47

Yeah, because I was thinking about us running around the maze.

Speaker 2 35:49

I was like that might tip me over the edge. Don't lie, you were thinking about one man, one jar I feel sick are you gonna say your line this time? Yeah, go on, then we're ready see you next wednesday.

Speaker 1 36:04

What's like a jam jar yes, and I can never open up a strawberry jam jar, ever, ever again, without thinking about that image. And even now it, now it's in my mind. I can't get it out.

Speaker 2 36:15

Is that why you prefer things like apricot and marmalade? Yeah, that's why I got you an apricot and strawberry red bull.

Speaker 1 36:23

Thank you, that's very kind of you.

Speaker 2 36:24

Because it's bland.

Speaker 1 36:25

But also, the can is bright orange and if I put it up to your hair, like I am now, you literally cannot tell the difference. Oh, now, you literally cannot tell the difference. Mmm, oh, he's angry at me again. Oh God.