Reimagining Reconciliation After Divorce

Reimagining reconciliation after divorce involves a fundamental shift in perspective. It's not about rekindling a romantic relationship with your ex-spouse, but rather, it's centered on reconciling the differences of opinion, particularly as they pertain to your shared children. It means setting aside personal grievances and grudges to reach a harmonious agreement on co-parenting, prioritizing the well-being of your children above all else. This redefined reconciliation also encompasses respecting the boundaries of your ex's life, especially if they have remarried, and refraining from unnecessary interference. It ultimately entails maintaining a cordial and respectful relationship with your former partner, promoting a sense of cooperation and understanding.

Bible Scripture: "Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13)

Transcript

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Ladies, your natural instinct is to worry. You worry about your children, your health, your relationship and everything else under the sun. It's a classic case of worrywart syndrome. If you tend to worry needlessly, you are not alone. Welcome to the She Strives with Faith podcast with Berthena Jackson. Berthena is a two time divorcee, a single mother and war veteran who suffered from anxiety, but learned to let go and let God. Berthena will share captivating a down to earth conversations on how to strive by faith. Here's your host Berthena Jackson.

BERTHENA JACKSON: 1:56

Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the She Strives with Faith podcast. I'm your host Lady B Celeste. I don't know where you are in the world. You could be driving around in your car, you could be in the kitchen. You know, just cooking something good on the stove. You could be cleaning your house, you could just be walking around in the mall somewhere with some earbuds and listen to this podcast. But listen, wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Thank you for tuning in to this episode. So today I'm going to be talking about reimagining reconciliation after divorce. Have you thought about reconciling with your ex husband after they've gotten remarried? Whoa, whoa, hold up, hold up! Lady B. are you telling me that I should try to reconcile with my ex husband after he's gotten married? Lady B that is not the right thing to do. And guess what? You're right. It's not the right thing to do. It's not appropriate for you to attempt to reconcile your marriage with that person if he's already married. What I'm suggesting is reimagining reconciliation in a different way. Instead of holding on to resentment, anger or negativity, reimagining reconciliation encourages a more civil relationship with your ex. Reimagining reconciliation means viewing your interactions with your ex in a new light. One where you prioritize being friendly and respectful. The idea that you don't necessarily need to rekindle a romantic relationship. You don't even have to like your ex spouse to be honest. But you can still treat each other with decency and kindness. Reimagining reconciliation acknowledges that breakups and divorces can be emotional, right. But it proposes a more constructive approach that can lead to a healthier coexistence. So basically, you're letting go of hostility, and you're choosing a path of civility and cooperation, when you deal with your ex, your ex partner or your ex spouse, especially if you have children. That's what it's all about. See reconciliation with your spouse, the friendly way is like turning an X Files episode into a Cheers rerun. That's just a little humor to make you smile. But let's get back to the more serious issue. In my own experience, I chose to be kind and respectful, especially for the sake of my son and daughter. I wanted them to witness that it's possible to handle challenging situations with grace and dignity. It was a way for me to demonstrate that there is no need to resort to unpleasant or hurtful behavior. Instead, I was I was intentional about setting an example of how to conduct myself in a manner that aligns with Christ-like values. What I was attempting to do was avoid embarrassing myself in public by ensuring that my actions and my words reflected the principles that I believed in. And that's what I wanted my children to learn. So this process of reimagining reconciliation, it requires some patience and even forgiveness towards your ex spouse. It's about seeking common ground and fostering a harmonious relationship. It's about a sense of peace and goodwill between you and your former spouse. This restoration and reconciliation work can be incredibly beneficial because it creates a healthy environment for co parenting and contributes to a more positive atmosphere for everyone in the equation. You see, when my ex husband got married again, I had a choice to make. I could have been mean and caused issues in his new marriage if I wanted to be a spiteful and nasty old ex wife, but I wasn't feeling that way. I had moved on from anger and bitterness. And I didn't want to be a troublesome ex wife. So I decided not to meddle in his new life. I knew I would never be his wife again. So what was the purpose, but I can still have a respectful and peaceful relationship with him as a person, as an individual. And as someone who shares the same faith. Now, listen, I'm not here to judge anyone's faith, everyone's story is different. But I can say that my ex didn't always act like a true believer in Jesus Christ, not with the way he treated me. But let's not dwell on that. We still can make a choice to be cordial, right? So what I want you to do is ask yourself this question, am I willing to reimagine reconciliation with my ex? Ponder that, think about that, reflect on that. Now, before we wrap up this episode, ladies, I want to briefly talk about why you can't always rely on advice from your friends and family. We all know our loved ones care deeply about us. They genuinely want to help during challenging times like divorce. And in most cases, they offer well meaning opinions and advice. But a lot of that is based on their own values and beliefs and experiences. What I want you to know is that it's important to remember that their shoes are not your shoes and their hearts don't beat to the rhythm of your emotions. While their interactions, excuse me, while their intentions are pure, and their support is invaluable, their perspectives are colored by their own experiences and emotions. So here's why they may not always know what's best when it comes to you interacting with your ex. Let me give you some scenarios here. Friends and family have a limited perspective. Your friends and family may have observed your relationship from the outside, but they didn't live it day in and day out. They might not even be aware of the intricacies and intimate details that shaped your marriage and divorce. Secondly, friends and family don't realize that everyone has unique experiences, each person's life experiences are unique. So what worked for them in a similar situation may not be the right path for you. Because why your values, your priorities. The way that you have dealt with your spouse, you live with that person for a very long time, or for a short period of time, but you kind of know this person. And so your friends and family wouldn't be able to really give you the right advice because again, they didn't experience what you experienced with your ex. Third, friends and family can have emotional bias. Loved ones may have strong emotions tied to your well being which can cloud their judgment. So their advice may be influenced by their own fears, desires or perceptions of what will make you happy. And then finally, friends and family might think they know all about what happened. But you know, you've chosen to keep some things private. And this is called selective disclosure. You may have decided not to share every detail of your relationship or divorce, which means friends and family might not have all the facts to fully grasp what you've been through. To sum it up, it's like asking someone for directions when they've never been to the place you're headed. They can offer suggestions, but they don't truly know the terrain you're navigating. In simple terms. Let me put it this way. It's okay to consider what your friends and family say. But don't let it overshadow what you feel deep inside and what you think is right. Trust your own feelings and thoughts when making important decisions regarding how you interact, how you reimagine reconciliation with your ex. Remember, you're the author of your story, and only you can determine the best path forward in your life after divorce. My sister, I want you to follow your heart and intuition. This is where wisdom often lies. You are the one who knows the intricate details of your relationship with your ex. Listen to your inner voice, because in most cases, it knows what's right for you. So with that being said, we're now at a place where I want to invite you to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. You know, God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son for you. If you would like to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you must first acknowledge your sins. Secondly, believe in your heart that Jesus died for you. And finally, repent, confess and forsake your sins. And then I want you to say the following prayer out loud and mean it with your heart. Here we go. Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ. I believe in my heart, that Jesus is the Son of God. I believe in my heart that He died on the cross for my sins. I believe that you raised Him from the dead for my justification. Lord Jesus, come into my heart right now. I receive you today as my personal Lord and Savior. I give you all the glory. If you have sincerely prayed this prayer, then you are now born again. Congratulations. Welcome to God's family. And God bless you. Listen, thank you for coming and joining with me on the She Strives with Faith podcast. I'm so happy you were able to take a moment to listen to this message of hope. And I hope that it was helpful to you. I want you to have a phenomenal day. Okay. Until next time, bye for now.

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Thank you for listening to the She Strives with Faith podcast. To hear more about how you can tap into the power of striving with faith. Join her next week. If you found value in the episode, give her a rating or tell a friend about the show. Follow Berthena on Facebook and Instagram for a more personal check. Until next time, strive to keep faith alive.