God honouring friendships can be cultivated with opposite sex. Here are two powerful ways shared by Pastor Kim D’Souza to maintain the balance.
Personally we have seen two kind of people. There are some who go overboard in their friendships with opposite sex, while there are others (very few though) who are completely detached when it comes to opposite sex, and feel like fish out of water in their company.
So, here’s a crucial question we are dealing with: Can a girl and a boy be “just friends”?
Yes! Of course
There is a beautiful balance that can be maintained between the two mentioned extremes. That balance comes with wisdom and maturity from the Word of God. God honouring friendships can be cultivated with opposite sex when we keep our boundaries in place (Prov 4:23), have selfless motives and seek to honour God through our lives.
Below thoughts that we share are applicable to single boys and girls as well as to married men and women.
First, be established in the fact that God loves you and His love is the only thing that can fix every vacuum in the crevices of your heart. The motive of your friendship should not be to please man or gain acceptance from a social circle, but to be secure in who you are and glorify God in everything you do.
Once you get that, you won’t be running after opposite sex for their acceptance, nor will you be running away from them, living in the fear of falling in this area.
Here’s two simple yet extremely powerful ways, you can guard your friendships with opposite sex and prevent it from getting into a hurtful entanglement.
That means don’t go overboard in your personal interaction with the opposite sex. Whether at your workplace, college or even church, your conversations with opposite sex should not be taken into a personal space. Encourage and indulge in group sharing.
And, remember two is not a group!
This will keep your heart guarded and at the same time prevent any confusion on the opposite side. It is understandable when a situation arises (example joint project work, youth camp preparation) where you may have to coordinate on a personal basis, but keep your conversations strictly work-related. Also good to keep someone accountable in the loop.
Let me give you a practical example. Chatting to discuss a picnic plan for the youth group is fine, but when the boy messages you to wear blue for the picnic as you look good in it — this could be signs of little more than what meets the eye. How about you responding – “Great, let’s share the thoughts with others, and let’s all wear blue!” This is how you drag the conversation to a group.
Even in your texting or social media conversations, be open and stay away from too many isolated one-on-one messages.
Receiving a “how are you” message or “how was your day” message – well, nothing wrong in that. But if your phone starts getting “how was your day” message often, then… well, think….
It often starts with few lines of humour, forwards regular “what’s up” and “hello there” messages and then leads to everyday messaging, sharing of one’s activities or whereabouts and then soon both sides start expecting more information.
Also we believe a boy and a girl cannot be best friends- that’s a slippery ground.
To keep the dignity of your friendship, never connect on an emotional level whether in person or via messaging. Don’t start sharing your areas of pain, disappointments and hurts as that will open doors for you to connect on a deeper level and can become dangerously complicated in the long run. Remember men and women interpret things and actions very differently, and that’s what the devil takes advantage of bringing emotional hurts and strife.
If you sense a boy or girl is doing that, don’t give him/her your shoulder to cry. Cut such conversations and direct him/her to a mentor or church leader of the same sex. Girls, you shouldn’t be listening to his weaknesses and addictions to porn, nor should you be sharing yours to him. And the same goes to boys.
Hope the above helps! Hit reply to us with your questions if any, and we will try our best to respond back.