From Heartache to Healing: Izumi Favia's Transformation Through Grief

After the heart-wrenching loss of her young daughter Alyce to a rare cancer, Izumi Favia decided to turn her grief into a guiding light for others. In this poignant episode, we invite you to listen to Izumi's heartfelt story of love, loss, and the profound journey she undertook to rebuild her life. From the unexpected joy of a natural pregnancy to the blissful memories of Alyce's adventurous spirit, Izumi recounts these cherished moments with a raw honesty that touches the core of parental love. Her story is not just about heartbreak, but also about the challenge of facing an unimaginable diagnosis and how she navigated the tumultuous path of treatments and hope.

Izumi’s transformative healing offers a beacon of hope to those grappling with similar loss. She shares her personal transformation and the coping strategies that helped her find peace, including journaling, meditation, and eventually becoming a certified coach. This transition allowed her to extend compassion and support to other grieving parents, helping them rediscover joy amidst sorrow. Join us for this conversation that illuminates the resilience of the human spirit and the surprising paths to recovery that can emerge from the deepest depths of grief.

Helpful Link Mentioned in this episode:

Izumi's website: https://www.izumifavia.com

Izumi's book: Writing To Heal  

Transcript

Izumi Favia: 0:54

After the incident she looked fine. She only had a little cut in her lip and it healed. And just as a precaution, we took her to orthopedist and they took x-rays of her legs. Nothing, they didn't find anything wrong, no fractured bones or anything but days later, she started limping.

Michael Liben: 1:29

Welcome, friends, to "Bereaved but Still Me. The purpose of our podcast is to empower members of our community. I'm Michael Lieben and the father of three children Idan Sapir and Liel. Liel, my youngest daughter, was born with a heart defect and later she developed autism and epilepsy. Losing her at 15 is what has brought me here to be the head of this program. Our guest today is Izumi Favia.

Michael Liben: 1:50

Izumi Favia was born in Japan. She moved to Connecticut to marry her husband, Peter, and together have two children, Alyce and Leila. At the age of four, Alyce was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She had tumors on her spinal cord that sadly spread to her brain. She died after a seven-month battle in 2021. They tried everything they could, but were unable to save her. After Alyce's passing, with the help of her family, friends and community, Izumi found the hope to live joyfully again, even though her path to healing wasn't always easy to navigate. Izumi is a published author and certified coach, supporting bereaved parents after the loss of their children to find joy again. Izumi, thank you so much for joining us on "Bereaved but Still Me.

Izumi Favia: 2:32

Thank you for having me, Michael. I'm so happy to be here.

Michael Liben: 2:38

Let's talk about your daughter, Alyce. Can you tell us about how you and your husband felt about starting a family?

Izumi Favia: 2:45

So we got married in our 30s and after a couple of years of being married couple, we just started talking about starting the family. We had a challenge starting the family. We had a couple failed IVF, but eventually we found that I was pregnant, naturally.

Michael Liben: 3:10

That must have been special. That must have been special trying all that hard work and how difficult IVF is for those of us who know a little bit more about it personally and then to find out that naturally you just got pregnant.

Izumi Favia: 3:21

It was just like we gave up and then, a couple months later, like "oh, I am pregnant.

Michael Liben: 3:28

Just like that. Well, that's very nice. Really it is. It must have been a great and, I think, a joyful feeling that somehow things were conspiring to work for you and not against you. That's always, that's always a nice feeling. Tell us a little bit about Alyce. Did you know when she was a baby that there was a problem?

Izumi Favia: 3:45

No. She was healthy. I had a healthy pregnancy, no complications. She had a fair amount of ear infections, but other than that, she was very healthy. She was always outgoing... a lot of her friends. Her daycare was always talking about Alyce, even though they were little, they were just like, "oh, it's Alice, and she was always kind of the head of the group and just kind of leading everyone to do different activities.

Michael Liben: 4:18

Well, that's very nice. Tell me something special. Give me a good moment when... I don't know, even just around the house, where just you know, everything was bright and wonderful.

Izumi Favia: 4:26

She was fearless. What my neighbors always tell us is that I remember that Alyce was on her tricycle going down the street in the neighborhood at full speed and you were chasing after her, and that was the thing that-- it brought them joy for them too.

Michael Liben: 4:52

At that age in nursery school, did she have a lot of friends that... were you doing house visits where she'd visit friends or friends would come to her?

Izumi Favia: 4:57

Yeah! It was a challenge to have full-time job and having little... a little one at home. So it was more of just us being outside in the neighborhood and looking at trees and picking up all the acorns and yeah, it was just kind of every day was like fun.

Michael Liben: 5:22

Yeah, I love that about little children that, you know, we're kind of over- experienced and we don't get excited about leaves anymore. But a kid can get excited about leaves and acorns for hours.

Izumi Favia: 5:37

Or insects or whatever, or the clouds in the sky.

Michael Liben: 5:41

Yeah yeah, just everything was with questions and... and everything's so colorful and beautiful and new. And we have to go back, I think. As parents, we have to remember how to connect to that time. Yeah, that was always a challenge for people like me, but it's always nice to watch it with a child the dawn of knowledge and all that beautiful thing that children do. So she's four years old and everything seems to be okay. What happened and how did you figure out, finally, that it was cancer?

Izumi Favia: 6:12

She had (her) four-years-old like routine check-up. They didn't see anything or well. (The) Regular pediatrician didn't see anything wrong with Alyce. But a month after that, she fell from the stairs. She had a little cut and that was the beginning of this whole--for me it's a-- nightmare. So after the incidence, she looked fine. She only had a little cut in her lip and it healed. And just as a precaution we took her to orthopedist and they took x-rays of her legs. Nothing. They didn't find anything wrong, no fractured bones or anything. But two days later she started limping. She still did not want to take pain medication but because she started limping, we took her to orthopedist again to just to to ask like it's not getting any better.

Izumi Favia: 7:19

The orthopedist told us that, "Oh, probably because bruises, because you know she's not taking any medication for that, so that's probably... she..." He was saying that that's probably why she's just in pain. So I, at the time I kind of felt my concern was dismissed. And then the things just not getting any better and, yeah, like two weeks after, from the instance and she would start having fever and she was not moving at all, she was just in bed laying. I was like, "This is not right and I was able to get an appointment with the orthopedist. And then that's when his colleague who's a spinal spine specialist saw Alyce and he's like "This doesn't look right and you gotta take her to the ER." Yeah, yes.

Michael Liben: 8:26

So you went to the ER and they did an MRI. What did they find?

Izumi Favia: 8:31

They showed us her MRI images. They found multiple tumors in her spinal cord and they said that was probably why she fell from the stairs at the first place. But it's just something that even her pediatrician didn't notice. I mean, looking back on the pictures and video of her a few months before the diagnosis, I do see that she's walking a little funny and she's posing a little funny. She wasn't putting a lot of pressure on one side. But back then I didn't know what was happening and I even asked the doctors at the ER if we were to bring/brought her earlier-- like right away-- would it have been a different outcome or would we have caught it earlier? Could it be different? But they said, N"o, this was just happening.

BBSM Message: 9:39

You are listening to "Bereaved but Still Me. If you have a question or comment that you would like addressed on our program, please send an email to Michael Liben at michael@bereavedbutstillme.com. That's michael@ bereavedbutstillme.com.

BBSM Message: 9:58

This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The opinions expressed in the podcast are not those of Hearts Unite the Globe, but of the hosts and guests, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to congenital heart disease or bereavement.

Michael Liben: 10:18

Before the break, we discovered that Alyce had cancer. Tell us about her experience regarding her treatment. How was that for her?

Izumi Favia: 10:27

Right after the diagnosis, she had a surgery to remove tumors as much as humanly possible without hurting her nerve system in her spine and core. So they did that and she was in the hospital recovering from surgery for three-to-four weeks while her oncology team was figuring out what to do. They sent the tumors to pathology. They consulted with different hospitals, including St Jude, but they just could not find anything like her case. So what they came up with was the proton radiation treatment to see if that's effective. She received proton beam treatment for three weeks and incision part started looking a little funny. She started complaining pain a lot more.

Izumi Favia: 11:39

So I talked to the children's hospital and with her oncology team, like, "This is what's happening. She's complaining. Her incision doesn't look right" and they recommended us to bring her to the children's hospital again to just take a look at it and see if there's any infections. And they did (an) MRI again... found that the tumors spread to her brain. So that led them to believe that proton beam was not effective for her tumors. So we switched to chemotherapy and again with this chemotherapy, they didn't know what to prescribe, basically because you have nothing like her case that they could refer to. So we started chemotherapy. We did about five rounds out of six rounds and she started spiking fevers. The first part was just... it was infection-- bacterial infection. But once they treated (the) bacterial (infection) she was still having fevers. They did (an) MRI and found that the tumors were spreading more inside her brain.

Michael Liben: 13:13

How was that for you, as parents, to watch this happening in slow motion?

Izumi Favia: 13:16

I didn't know what to do. I felt powerless. I tried to keep her optimistic but at the same time, somewhere in my mind, 'What's happening? Why nothing is working for her?' In fact, we thought she was heading (in) the right direction after a couple of rounds of chemo, because she was getting more energy, she seems to be back to close to who she used to be, like outgoing, chatty, dancing to music. Basically, I felt powerless, yeah. And it was hurting to see her.

Michael Liben: 14:03

Those of us who know losing a child is one of the most difficult things that a human can endure. How has losing her affected you?

Izumi Favia: 14:11

Basically, I felt numb. How could this be?

Michael Liben: 14:15

Yeah

Izumi Favia: 14:22

I'm sure a lot of brave parents like us would relate to this question. How could this be? What did I do wrong? Or what did Alyce do wrong to deserve this? She does not deserve this. So those are the questions that was going through my mind.

Michael Liben: 14:44

When you and I spoke previously, we talked about this a little bit, and I think it's important for people to consider the possibility that you didn't do anything to deserve this, and neither did Alyce, that sometimes things happen and they're not always to our liking. There are things that we can control in life and there are things that we cannot control. Personally, in my mind, I think it's futile to beat yourself up, but I certainly understand those first few days and weeks and maybe months of 'What have I done?' And you haven't done anything, and I think it's important that you hear that also from outside. You haven't done anything. This happened to you and there's no rhyme or reason, and I think you need to know that. I think a lot of people need to hear that. I'm going to ask you, 'What motivated you to keep getting out of bed in the morning? How did you cope with losing Alyce in the end? What did you put in your mind that you could say okay with this, I can go on.'

Izumi Favia: 15:41

The only thing that helped me, at that time, was one story or two. Is there another daughter, the surviving daughter, Leila?

Michael Liben: 16:01

Yeah.

Izumi Favia: 16:01

How old was Leila when Alyce died? She was almost three.

Michael Liben: 16:08

Was she able to understand what was happening?

Izumi Favia: 16:12

I don't think she understood it until recently that this is permanent. So that won't... yeah. So Laila is now about to turn six, but even like a year ago, she was asking me when Alyce is coming back home. Yeah.

Michael Liben: 16:37

Did you in any way use that as a means to help yourself, that if you could explain it to a three-year-old, you could explain it to yourself? And did that in any way help you come through this?

Izumi Favia: 16:53

Yeah, yes and no. I don't exactly remember how I explained to Leila, but I remember telling her that Alyce can talk to us in many different ways.

Michael Liben: 17:15

If you've enjoyed listening to this program, please visit our website https://www. heartsunitetheglobe. org and make a contribution. This program is a presentation of Hearts Unite the Globe and is part of the HUG Podcast Network. Hearts Unite the Globe is a nonprofit organization devoted to providing resources to the congenital heart defect community to educate, empower and enrich the lives of our community members. If you would like access to free resources pertaining to the CHD community, please visit our website at https://www. congenitalheartdefects. com for information about CHD, hospitals that treat CHD survivors, summer camps for CHD families, and much, much more.

Michael Liben: 17:54

While you were navigating the path towards healing, you discovered something that was very helpful to you. Tell us about what you found.

Izumi Favia: 18:05

I've been into personal development even before anything happened and I learned about the power of meditation and journaling and reading books, and, of course, exercise is also good, too. But right after Alice passed away, one of our neighbors gave us a couple of plain notebooks and that gave me an idea... journaling. Let's start journaling again. So I started journaling every single day and I started as if just writing down what I was going through every day and then that shifted to writing or talking to Alyce, like writing a letter to her.

Michael Liben: 19:09

That's lovely.

Izumi Favia: 19:21

And yes, sometimes I was just writing all the random things, but writing as if we were having (a) conversation had been so helpful.

Michael Liben: 19:35

I'm not much of a writer, but I did have those conversations with my daughter. I was very lucky I was working the night shift, most of the time in a big hotel, so I had the chance to walk around quiet, open 'Why or some hidden spaces that nobody knew about as part of my patrol, and many a healthy conversation were had there between she and I. Yeah

Michael Liben: 19:43

big hotel, so I had the chance to walk around quiet, open 'Why or some hidden spaces that ' nobody knew about as part of ... my patrol, and many a healthy conversation... were had there between she and I. Yeah Alyce I totally . Tell... Of course, how that happened and why would you do that? .?... (. So, ... ( .(an)

Izumi Favia: 20:11

again, because I was into personal development. I? thought like, why don't I learn about coaching? And it was the opportunity present like showed up in front of me and presented to me a couple months after Alice passed away and presented it to me a couple months after Alice passed away, and that's of course. I was going through grief and I was looking at my life, what do I do with my life, and that was just felt like what I could do at that time and it felt right to do so. It's not that they would take anyone.

Izumi Favia: 21:08

The the course training school would take anyone. I have to write application, I (a) more to do interview and without really knowing what I would get out of it, I was. I was in, but I was so grateful that this coaching learning about coaching well, I started with a as a practitioner learning about the specific methodology. This coach coaching school was teaching and then learning about coaching skills. We also did a lot of peer coaching to get practice at it. So it was just crazy coincidences, but if I didn't have that experience at that time, I would have been in a different place.

Michael Liben: 22:11

Yeah, did you find that helping others helped you. ..(an) . people

Izumi Favia: 22:20

Yes, with these coaching skills that I learned, I learned to be present with more open mind and seeing other parents in support group as they are and, yes, sometimes hearing someone else's story could be activating, but with these coaching skills that I learned.

Izumi Favia: 23:25

I was able to be present and see their perspectives, their experiences, their pains, where they're at in their grief and what's going through their mind. As, with open mind and I hope that my presence, journal, wherever the situation was it's virtual or in person I'm hoping that other people felt that they've been heard, their stories were heard and understood. Okay. www. izumifavia.

Michael Liben: 23:48

In the time that we have left. Tell us quickly how can people find your book and, more importantly in my mind, if says, somebody"I wants your services, how can they find you as a coach?

Izumi Favia: 24:01

Yes, so my book is available on Amazon and it's called Writing to Heal. It's a book. I'm sharing my story and there are also prompts that people can go through. So it's a book, a journal and a conversation with me. So, yeah, again, so the book is called Writing to Heal. It's available on Amazon and if anyone would love to see how the coaching is like or if, if they want to work with me, they can find me at wwwizumifaviacom that's my website that people can reach out to me, or I'm also active on Instagram and LinkedIn, so they can find me there as well and reach out to me.

Michael Liben: 25:00

That's great, and I'm sure we'll"Bereaved be able to put your website in the show notes down below, so if anybody's listening and says I really need to talk to somebody, they can find you, thank you. Thank you for joining us on Breathe, but Still Me.

Izumi Favia: 25:14

Thank you, Michael, for having me.

Michael Liben: 25:17

And that concludes this episode of Bereaved Bits Till Me. I want to thank Izumi Favia for sharing her experiences with us. Please join us at the beginning of the month for a brand new podcast. I'll talk with you soon, but until then, please remember moving forward is not moving away.

BBSM Message: 25:36

Thank you for joining us. We hope you have felt supported in your grief journey. Bereaved but Still Me is a monthly podcast and a new episode is released on the first Thursday of each month. You can hear our podcast anywhere you normally listen to podcasts at any time. Join us again next month for a brand new episode of Bereaved but Still Me.