Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love

Self-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze Response

Michele Lisenbury Christensen Season 1 Episode 6

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0:00 | 30:40

If you have a nervous system, you need this episode. Especially if you ever freeze mid-conversation and can't find words, or you flip into fight-or-flight with the person you love most.

I sat down with Dr. Jessica Pullins to make sense of what's actually happening in your body when love gets hard, because you can't think your way out of a state your nervous system has already dropped into. You have to learn to read it first.

In this episode:

  • The upside-down stoplight: green for safe and connected, yellow for fight-or-flight, red for freeze and shutdown, a listener-friendly map of polyvagal theory
  • Why real connection is only possible from the green-light state, and what that means for every hard conversation you've started at the wrong moment
  • The reframe that changes marriages: when your partner goes silent, John Gottman would call it stonewalling, and adding Porges reveals a nervous system stuck in freeze, reading threat where none was intended
  • "Forensic recognition": working backwards to spot which state you were in, starting with hindsight and getting faster over time
  • The difference between using solitude to regulate and just succumbing to the freeze

This is Part I, on the freeze response. Part II (Episode 7) goes into fight-or-flight.

Ready to elevate your relationship with my help? Book your free Relationship Audit, together at ourlegacylove.com/leadinlove/free/audit-1 or on your own at a 1:1 consult.
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