Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
This podcast features us having candid conversations about how to navigate all things mid life, including:
- Relationships
- Mental Health - anxiety, stress, depression, grief, fears, trauma (including generational trauma), estrangement, aging, parental aging and more
- Nervous system care & daily practices
- Sex
- Perimenopause & Cycle syncing
Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
Redefining Self-Care: Navigating Midlife with Mindfulness and Humor
Unlock the secrets to thriving in midlife with a fresh perspective on self-care that cuts through the clichés. Have you ever considered how the seasonal shift into Leo season and the back-to-school rush can subtly nudge us back into routines, reshaping our lives regardless of our parental status? This episode promises to redefine your understanding of self-care during the transformative midlife stage, offering insights that support your nervous system and overall well-being amidst life's ever-evolving seasons.
Join us as we tackle the subconscious blocks and environmental factors that could be stalling your self-care journey. We'll wander through the contrasting energies of Florida's intense summers and the more anticipated northern ones, reflecting on how these environments shape our routines and emotional resilience. Discover practical strategies to ground yourself, like morning rituals and the 4-7-8 breath technique, designed to enhance emotional bandwidth and integrate self-love more seamlessly into your daily life.
Midlife can be a rollercoaster of fluctuating energy levels, but embracing this ride is key to a balanced life. We're here to remind you there's no single path to effective self-care. Whether through yoga, breath work, or laughter, the goal is to create a personalized toolkit that nurtures your mind, body, and spirit. With a touch of humor and a light-hearted joke, we'll leave you with a smile, reminding you of the healing power of laughter in your self-care repertoire.
You can reach us here:
Katie:
Website:
KatieKovaleski.com
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/coach_katiek/
Linkedin:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekovaleski/
Natalie:
Website: http://www.jupiterbloomwellness.com/
Instagram: Https://www.instagram.com/jupiterbloomwellness
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/natalie-diaz-182592318/
Wavier & Release of Liability and Disclaimer: The information provided by the therapist(s) is not intended, nor is implied to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The listener is advised to always seek the advice of their health care practitioner or other qualified health care provider with questions regarding medical conditions, or the mental health and welfare of the listener. I (listener) accept that neither Kathryn Kovaleski or Natalie Diaz, is liable for any injury, or damages, to person or property, resulting from listening to this podcast.
Welcome to the Midlife Mayhem podcast, where we discuss all things midlife and how to thrive in your 40s and beyond. I'm Katie Kowalewski, your host On today's episode. Natalie and I will be chatting all things self-care, Enjoy. Welcome to Midlife Mayhem.
Speaker 2:Hi, everyone Happy today.
Speaker 1:Hi, everyone, happy today, since we are pre-recording some things as they do in the podcast world, apparently, we're just going to touch a little on like where we're at, to sort of get oriented to today before we get into today's topic, which is about self-care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're pre-recording, we're using microphones, we're doing all kinds of fancy professional things for your listening pleasure. And since we are pre-recording, just a quick touch on like where we are in life right now I think is interesting, or it's just something I guess I wanna hear myself talk about. But we are entering Leo season, closing out the summer, and for a lot of us midlifers I mean I think everyone in some capacity or the other, even if it's just traffic related we are entering back to school season, which is big, big presence around here. How, what is back to school season like? Like for people that don't have physical children living with them?
Speaker 1:I mean, I still live in um sort of like life as semesters kind of, and and summer is always a thing.
Speaker 1:Since I work for myself, I have summer break and so summer is always different, um, and I live next door to an elementary school, so the traffic is relevant as a marker, um, but I sort of look forward to it because it, whether or not you have kids, it's a weird like rhythm that happens and, plus, my theory is, since we all most people, I would say went to school right and we had summers, we're all programmed to like respond in a certain way to summer and to when it's about to end, and that comes from childhood, so it's like everybody can feel it.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh, school's about to begin, life is starting, routine starts again, because you know, if you work or you have your own business or whatever it is. I mean, I don't know if this is accurate, but I would say most people are affected in some way by summer and kids being out of school, whether or not they have them, and that's like customers being present or people traveling or not getting back to emails or whatever it is. But I think everybody's affected in some way and it's like a return to normalizing things, but I also know most moms y'all most fucking dying out here I've had a time not.
Speaker 1:I never realized how much moms disliked summer and how difficult it is for them, and like I've gotten that feedback from so many mothers, yeah, mean we kind of remember that like our moms sort of hating it back in the 90s, than what it was like.
Speaker 2:Different then.
Speaker 2:And it's interesting for me because I lived so much of my life in the school system and as a school system employee and even then still was not about it.
Speaker 2:But as a now business owner and more like fulltime parent, whatever, I don't even know what to call myself human, surviving human it just has its own flavor and, you know, embracing like the fun energy of it too, I don't want to leave that Like if we would have been recording this in June, my tone around this would probably be very different.
Speaker 2:My tone around this would probably be very different. But for those of us that have like dragged ourselves into like the August cusp of change and transition which transition is another topic we can get into in the programming around transitions at some point I think there's relevance, but it's a great segue into wait for it the most overused and kind of confusing kind of catch term right now, which is self-care and we probably just lost like half of our listeners like nope, self-care. But hang in there, because we have some some different perspectives on this, even like defining like what the hell is self-care and how to function better in self-care and kind of diving into it from a couple different angles, which I think this timing is perfect. Whether you're a parent, a non-parent, just like we said. Transitioning through the seasons, transitioning with the energy of kind of going back into a routine and normalcy, whatever that might look like, those are the times where we really want to take care of our nervous system and our environments, to support like change, right, is that how you would say it?
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Um.
Speaker 1:I think that was a great synopsis and umbrella of it, and whenever you are listening to this, it's always, like I said, going to be relevant, because we think that when we boil down kind of the important factors and what makes up your experience right how you feel in life, what your perception is of your life experience self-care is basic but it is complex and it its basicness because it is something that will be able to help you sustain and function better in life, especially during midlife.
Speaker 1:So as we get into midlife and talking late 30s, early 50s, so many different factors are at play, one of which is definitely hormonal changes, and so self-care and practicing self-care and getting that to be one of your basic baseline life practices and habits will greatly support you as you go through any transition. Whether that's like into perimenopause, whether you're in it going into menopause, whether that's just going into the holiday season. It is like the thing you need in your life ability wardrobe, right. If you had a basic staple piece in your self-care or your mental health closet, it should be self-care practices.
Speaker 2:But, katie, what is self-care? Right? So I'm hearing this and I'm like, okay, so I have to take a bubble bath every day, like I don't know about that, right, and. And just back to like the basic piece. I think that is really relevant. You know, transparently, when we were talking about like what topic? And we're like self-care, but that's so basic, but we still do this for each other, like literally, I don't know when it was. So we were road tripping recently, got back, I'm like you know, back into the week, whatever, and I can't remember if I called, you, texted, you like how we were communicating, but you were like you're just tired and I'm like, oh, thanks for the basic reminder that, like physical needs are part of self-care. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I was feeling really prickly and like not about certain things, and she was just like you're tired and I'm like, oh, thank you, basic reminder, check.
Speaker 2:So I think, starting with, when we talk about self-care as being basic, starting with basic needs, we break it down into kind of three spheres, which is mind, body, spirit, I think the one that gets left out a lot. For I don't know if this is like a sexist generalization it could be, but I think maybe it's not just for women, but we see a lot of women, so where we see it is the body, one the like have you eaten today? How many coffees have you had? Are you powering through your afternoon with three Celsius? Did you sleep, like what is happening? Right? So that's, I think, starting with that like always checking in there, and that's your primal nervous system. One right, that's the one that we really cannot override.
Speaker 2:And something I say a lot around this is like when we think of children, whether you have them or not, you have them somehow in your life. If you have, like, a two-year-old that hasn't napped, or a kid that hasn't eaten, or somebody that's sick and didn't sleep well, like all bets are off as far as their coping mechanisms, whatever that looks like for a toddler, right, you can't reason with them. They're not going to want to play. Nothing is fun. We're the same as adults, but we pretend that we're not, and I think that's really like oh, light bulb goes off. Really, one of your favorite places to observe this, katie, is at Disney.
Speaker 2:Faces are not visible on this podcast, but once you're that physically maxed out like you could have whatever princess or fireworks in front of us and we're just not available, right. So getting those basic physical needs met, I think, is a good start. And for me and I'm going to stop talking at some point around this because I just can hear the like pushback, like but how am I supposed to sleep and when am supposed to eat? So I think small. So for me this looks like when I used to transition between work and home life. When I could, I would come home or be in my car and I would do a 10 minute rest. 10 minutes like a 10 minute rest and reset, where I would sit on the couch and or close my eyes and that was my like physical reset. You know it can be small things like that, like we don't all have the luxury of an afternoon siesta, unfortunately, but I think physical right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. So essentially, like Natalie said, to kind of give a synopsis. So essentially, like natalie said, to kind of give a synopsis, the quality of your mental health will start to decrease over time as you age and this is a result of cognitive decline and other things that happen as our hormone systems shift and we age. And the three components that we have isolated as far as self-care goes are mind, body and spirit. And Natalie's touching on how the body tends to be overlooked, aside from maybe like knowing we need to work out or doing those things or not doing them. But we're talking basic needs for body. So if you're new to self-care or if you are experiencing something and want to shift that experience, you're not loving the way that you feel day to day.
Speaker 1:We want to number one am I meeting my basic needs? Am I drinking enough water? Am I eating the right foods or at the right time? Am I feeding myself when I wake up? Is my energy and my hormone system and my insulin able to maintain over the day? Am I getting sunlight? Am I getting sleep? Am I getting restorative sleep? Meet the basics first.
Speaker 1:If you're having a quote off or bad day, instead of going down the spiral, the trigger tunnel. Let's just stop for a second and be like how can I meet a basic need today? Do I need again to take a 10 minute rest? Do I need to get some sunlight? Have I eaten lately? Super, super important to do that. And so if we can leave you with one thing today again, whether you're like a self care guru or not getting back to those basics, because, although they seem the easiest things to do, they're often the most overlooked or forgotten. And sometimes we just need a snack because we do have an inner toddler in us.
Speaker 1:And again, as we age, we're not going to be able to bounce back from a like a night of terrible sleep the way we could have when we were 20.
Speaker 1:We're not going to be able to skip meals, maybe the way we did in college or whatever it was. So our ability to bounce back from not meeting our basic needs drastically reduces as we age. So it's super important to make sure that habitually, as soon as possible, we check in with those needs and that we meet them on aually. As soon as possible, we check in with those needs and that we meet them on a daily basis as often as possible, so that by the time that our bandwidth is shot a little bit, that we're aging, that we're really dependent on meeting those needs, they're already in place. It's already normal and natural for us to check in with ourselves and our body each day Super, super important. So a lot of this is going to be about giving you building blocks that you can start implementing now, in midlife, so that by the time you quote unquote need them, they're already there, because our resiliency and our bounce back obviously really does decrease, and so we want to prioritize those basic things.
Speaker 2:Yes, and, side note, I'm a little like maybe I need some basic needs meeting today because my outlook is not as sunny as it normally is. But just side note comment I heard you say, overlooked, nobody's going to celebrate this for you, by the way, like that is just not real. I mean, maybe you're in a culture, in a space where that is kind of promoted or you know, like a lot of workplaces say they promote this but then they don't really. But you know, celebrate it for yourself, because we celebrate like, oh my God, I woke up at five this morning and I did this and I did that and I did all these things and I'm getting it done and I'm knocking it out and I haven't. You know whatever, that is more celebrated than, like this idea of I'm taking it slow today or I need to leave early enough to, you know, get some sun before the short day ends, or I'm going to take a whole lunch break, like things like that are not really celebrated. You know, shifting that culture into what you're pouring into yourself and how that's going to come back out. But just know that this question of checking in around basic needs is a practice, like Katie mentioned, that will become organic, but nobody's going to really encourage it or remind you to do that.
Speaker 2:I don't want to say nobody, but it's, you know, probably less likely, right? I agree? Does that sound grouchy? Am I a Grinch? You know, probably less likely, right, I agree, sound grouchy. Am I a Grinch today, like what is wrong with me? What? What are my needs today?
Speaker 1:It's. It's a rainy Monday, tropical storm Hurricane Debbie is making her way through Florida. It's hot here, so summer for us isn't just about summer. I think our perception of this time of year two is really different than people who live up north where they look forward to the weather so much and being outside and having it rejuvenate them. For us it's like stepping out into a steam shower and it's heavy and it's hot and it's like feisty and kind of has like an angry energy to it. So there might be some of that present, yeah.
Speaker 1:But as you're starting out with self care, if you're new to it or haven't been able to really nail it down consistently, chances are the people around you aren't practicing it either, and so you won't necessarily get that hoorah from them because they're probably not into it.
Speaker 1:So part of going through this journey of solidifying healthy, solid, consistent self-care practices is that you'll start to attract other people at some point who practice the same kind of things and you will get some of that validation from them or that reflection and feedback.
Speaker 1:But starting out, I think something that is tough is not having that necessarily a community or that feedback of like're doing great, sweetie, you know you reminded yourself to slow down and take a nap, because we do that for each other. You know, I, like Natalie, was like I rested for 20 minutes and I'm like, yes, good job, good job, that's big for me. It takes time to to find that um and to shift it a little bit, to throw in something else. That's going to be like a consistent topic that we talk about, which we'll revisit on a different episode, which is like subconscious change and psych-k. There's two ways I look at self-care. One is from a science-based perspective. Self-care ultimately is stopping and taking time to engage in intentional activities that are empirically shown to ground and calm your nervous system and increase your bandwidth, your nervous system bandwidth.
Speaker 2:I think we need to hear that definition again, Like let's repeat that.
Speaker 1:So self-care, scientifically, is intentionally engaging in activities each day that are empirically shown.
Speaker 2:So studies have shown that these activities specifically calm and ground your nervous system and increase your bandwidth, your nervous system bandwidth, which means you're less likely to over respond to emotions, to kind of act out to spiral and triggers, to feel anxiety stress, et cetera, and like another way I would say that when we think about bandwidth is just having the ability, like when we think about ourselves so let's go back to summer, and I know I literally cut you off, so come back to that.
Speaker 2:But when we think about summer and we talked about the difference between summer and, for example, florida versus New Jersey or whatever you know when we think about feeling like I just had the best day, I'm so fulfilled, like I feel great, I feel rested, we had fun, how things just can roll right off of you that they don't seem to bother you, whether that's like something annoying that your spouse might be doing or the kids or like anything else happening in the world, just like okay, that's what we're talking about when we talk about bandwidth. Right, and being in that grounded nervous system place where either we're just less affected and or, if we are affected, we have the ability to implement whatever coping skills and we'll talk a lot about coping skills at some point. We have, we can like pause and reach for those and things just aren't penetrating on that level. Right, that's what you mean when you say bandwidth, yeah absolutely so things piss you off a lot less frequently.
Speaker 1:It's like the sugar Right you get upset a lot less frequently. And then the spiritual side of this right. So we have the science perspective about the nervous system. The spiritual side is that self-care is an act of self-love. So when we love something, we tend to prioritize it and take care of it and put energy into it, even if we're not necessarily getting an immediate feedback from it. It's just what we do when we love something, necessarily getting an immediate feedback from it. It's just what we do when we love something. And so to me, self-care is the ultimate act of self-love. I love myself, so I prioritize things that help me feel good and live my best life right, optimize my life and my health.
Speaker 1:And when we're working with clients who have a lot of blocks to self-care, which is I know what to do I've learned all these exercises, I've watched the videos, I've read the books I'm still not doing it. I know what to do and I'm still not doing it. Why, then, what? How do we move this block right? That's when subconscious change comes in. So a lot of us are not running on a subconscious program of I love myself and I prioritize my needs, and when we're taught to not prioritize our needs or we become disconnected from ourselves and do not love ourselves, we're going to have a really hard time practicing self-care.
Speaker 1:So one of the first things I do with clients who understand the conscious part of self-care, which is I know what it is, I know how to do it, I know what things I'm going to do each day, and they're not doing it. They're not doing it consistently as we check in with their programming and make sure and or change it and upgrade it to I love myself, because a lot of adults are not running on and I'm talking subconscious work, so we'll get into that later but you don't consciously always know what you believe subconsciously, what programs you're running. But you will know what programs are there based on what actions you are and are not taking consistently in your life and your day-to-day life. So if I say I love myself and I know what activities to engage in to optimize my health and my wellbeing and all of those things and I'm still not doing them, we got to look to make sure you're not running a program that's the opposite of I love myself.
Speaker 1:Um, we want to make sure your program is in alignment with your goals. So that's like a little subconscious piece, but just know that if you've already heard all the things about self-care and you're still not able to quote, make yourself, do it. There might be a subconscious block there that cannot be moved by will alone or understanding of what you quote should be doing. So don't get frustrated with yourself. Just know that each day is a day to start over and to relearn these principles, and then ask for help with unblocking those things if you need it, cause it's not. I mean, it's super common to be blocked that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so. I guess we're touching on the spiritual piece, which is the least basic, right. So we went from basic to, like most I don't know, ethereal, advanced, confusing, abstract, that that kind of piece. And you know, when we were talking about subconscious, there's a couple pieces that I would just throw out around. That Number one is, you know, like when I first started learning about this, which was not that long ago for me, I started a lot of my work.
Speaker 2:I do my work in the body. I do a lot of somatics and yoga and body and breath and like that, very the first part of the nervous system, care you you were speaking about like the empirical, like physical piece, grounding and whatever else. So when I moved into subconscious with Katie, really I was like what, what, what the hell? Like, what, what, like it's very what-ness. So the way I think of it is these two ways. The first thing that caught my attention was anytime you find yourself in a pattern, there's like a subconscious driver, like driving the boat that you don't realize. So that was a good example that you said like anytime you're like, you know, every time I save money, then all of a sudden my bank account is empty again, or like no matter, even though I know what to do, I'm like still here, even though I like listen to the I'm doing the right thing. I'm listening to this midlife mayhem self-care podcast, but I'm still not doing the self-care Like those like repetitive, like blocks or patterns like that.
Speaker 2:That is an indicator that there is something subconsciously guiding you back to whatever your belief is, because the mind likes congruency, right, and we can't see all this, and then kind of it's like, yeah, but whatever, like what are these girls talking about? Like you can't even see. This is how I wrap my brain around this being a real thing. I don't even know if we've talked about this, so this might be the first time you're hearing this but I think about my body and I think about all of the wonderful, amazing things that are happening in my body that I am not controlling at all. I think about my respiration, my heart rate, I think about ovulation. I'm not like, okay, well, today that is all happening.
Speaker 2:Somehow my brain is telling my body to do these things and I have zero awareness of it. Even when I try to gain awareness of it, like, I still sometimes can't access it. So then I think to myself. Well, if my brain can do all that stuff and I'm not like guiding it what the hell else can it also do? So for those of us that are a little bit more, what wonderful words could I use to describe myself? Like just don't fully comprehend this in that way, or maybe even just a little bit I don't know need something a little more concrete. That is what I lean towards when I think about, like, what is happening that I'm not aware of. So I think let's like, let's do, let's be good, let's stay on track here. But just like that little subconscious tangent and just being aware of it is also can also be part of self-care and some compassion with yourself too around why these basic needs of self-care can feel sometimes out of reach.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? Yeah, it absolutely makes sense. I love those examples and of how you perceive it, because I think it's very tangible. Yes, so, like, what else is my brain capable of that? I'm not aware of that. It's doing um, it's doing stuff. 95 of the time you have a subconscious driver in the driver's seat 95. So just note that.
Speaker 1:And so, basically, we we've led you to the watering trough. You have to treat yourself as if you're a living person and check in with your basic needs. If you're coming up with excuses and or saying I just for some reason can't consistently get myself to do this, now, you know that there's likely a block there and that can be worked through, can be worked through. And so to, like Natalie said, to stay on track, we want to give you tangible ways to do this right. You don't need to read a million books. You don't need to learn a jillion tools To start.
Speaker 1:I love incorporating the mind, body and spirit. So my favorite way to practice self-care is typically in the morning. I would do it for an hour if I have the time, or I make the time rather, but you really only need five-ish minutes. I would say five, 10, 15 would be a great sweet spot and, for me, incorporating an element of the mind, of the body and of the spirit is really important. There's so much science and research showing that what we focus on expands the way we wake up in the morning, and what we do first is really going to set the tone for our day. All of that stuff sounds annoying and it's true. It's just true. And so if we, if we adapt to that understanding and believe it, okay, it is true that what I focus on first in the morning is going to set the tone for my day, what do I want to do? Well, I've just been laying down for eight plus hours. I want to gently wake up my mind, my body and my spirit welcome them into the day, cause you're really shifting gears. Right, we've been stagnant, laying down for many hours and then we pop up and are like going to jump right into the fray. Stagnant laying down for many hours and then we pop up and are like going to jump right into the fray. That is such a shock to your nervous system.
Speaker 1:So, gently easing into your day again, taking those five minutes, mine usually looks like putting my yoga mat out, going somewhere quiet, starting with the body. So I, your joints, your body, your muscles you need to get blood flow moving gently. I usually start with like three to five minutes of some yoga poses. So Natalie will end up being your go-to for that. She's a great yoga instructor and can definitely give some tips about posing and how to do that and all of that good stuff. But I typically do that for three to five minutes.
Speaker 1:Child's pose, cat cow, just like a gentle forward fold, maybe a twist, those kinds of things For me. I foam roll also because my neck and my back hold a lot of tension. So I foam roll a lot to start to loosen that up and get into the day. And then I'll sit and I'll do like a meditation for two to three minutes. Sometimes it's guided on insight timer If I have a little bit more time. Sometimes I am literally just breathing, focusing on my third eye, and I'm focusing on one thing I want to invite into my day. What's one thing I want to see, feel or experience today? Sometimes it's laughter, sometimes it's smiling at a stranger, sometimes it's like I want to bring in a bunch of new clients today. So it's going to vacillate. But I set my focus on something and then I kind of let the breath go and then I get up and I go on with my day and at that point I've connected with my mind, my body and my spirit and it really does change the trajectory of my day 100%.
Speaker 2:Five stars. Thank you for that. For those of us and I honor you and I appreciate you and I love that that is your practice and it's so you and I want to say for those of us that are listening to that and thinking I just don't, I can't in so many different ways, right, I'm going to offer the opposite, completely other end of the spectrum of self-care, just for variety purposes, like I do. I say five stars for that, not in jest, but like I say that because you're capturing the mind, body, spirit. It feels accessible. You have a routine I couldn't agree more with, like calling in an attention for the day and what we focus on growing, and like the fact that that's a real thing. So I think you've checked like every box on the rubric there and but, however, for me that is not not like, that is not a thing like I I would have a challenge with that. So what I offer is a different tip which is really small and simple, which is what could or what can I do, because there are going to be days where my morning looks like Katie's and those are like the best days of my life when I can get my morning to look like that and there's like just a lot of days for reasons that they don't look like that. So instead my self-care really kind of focuses and shifts around what is available for me, where I'm at, what I need. I bounce a lot between needing rest and movement and trying to figure out like where the fuck I am in that spectrum of the day, and also like commitments over being overcommitted but then being bored. I vacillate a lot.
Speaker 2:So some a self-care practice that I would offer around that it's kind of like a mind practice but it filters into all the other areas. It's just like what could I do? Not like I have to do this and then I'm going to do this and I need this and I should be doing this and I need to work out and I have to. But just like what could I do? And spending just a little bit of time and intentionality shifting the I have to or I should be to, I could well.
Speaker 2:I could sit here for a few minutes and drink my coffee. I could go outside and go for a little walk. I could start to get a few work things organized. I could go make a nourishing breakfast for me or my family which they won't eat, like I could do all these things right, what feels, and so I think taking the autopilot and opening the expansiveness around it has been really helpful, and you actually taught me this. So I'm circling this back to you, because we can get in these modes where we're so set or we're so overstimulated that we forget to take a step back and shift it. So I think I would offer that as my self-care practice of just being a little flexible and patient and intentional with the practice itself. Does that even make sense? Does that count?
Speaker 1:No, it does, and I think what will happen throughout the podcast is that you're going to hear two perspectives that sort of represent the clients we work with and that we prefer to work with and how we work with ourselves. And so, like I enjoy kind of like a more intense conversation. I don't know, I don't know if I would call it stringent, but kind of like going right for it. Where do you want to be?
Speaker 2:Let's like up level it Like a deep, like deep, like a deep dive, like all in kind of situation Like we're going all in and we're going to figure out what the route is.
Speaker 1:We're going to shift it and you're going to get there. So if I have a client who comes in and she's like these are the upcoming goals, I have my nervous system's kind of frazzled. What do I do? It would be like this is a 15 to 20 minute routine. I want you to do it every day, yeah, and a lot of people are kind of sledgehammery that I work with and they're like okay, done. Um. They're very kind of like let's go all in, let's get it done.
Speaker 1:That's where I want to get um and I like to take the scenic route yeah, and that's, and that's why I love knowledge perspective, because I'm like, oh, this, this is this, sounds like us and also kind of like our ideal clients, which is like, well, let's just look around and see what we could do today. And that feels super reassuring, I think, to people who are very new to this, this stuff and this work. And it's like, how do I even start?
Speaker 2:That's too much for me, and so you're going to hear two opposition, not oppositional, but kind of different, I think, oppositional in the way of like, like how I didn't even really think of I don't know that, I've ever fully thought about this, but it's come out organically in such a nice way.
Speaker 2:It's like oppositional, as in the opposite sides of the spectrum. So when I think of you and even like as people are listening to this, it's like well, she's the expert and clearly this other chick I don't know she's, she's got something to offer, but I'm not really sure what it is yet, like that authenticity piece, I think it, it is true, like you are suited for people that have, like done a lot of things already and they're they're looking for, like you know, the the advanced master's phd program of efficacy and novelty and all of that. And I do have the knowledge base. But I love to work with beginners, people that are super green, that feel like all this stuff is weird and inaccessible. Um, because I, I just I don't know, I don't know why, that's just school teacher background though too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's probably the elementary teacher in me like let's start in first grade yeah, introducing like, and each year it was new kids learning those same things, but they were all. It was all new to them. And so you're like, very well suited to that and just to the, the stopping and slowing down and saying, well, let's, let's restate that, let's say it again and like but, and those things are important whether you're like in a grad program or you're in first grade, because the information when you're starting something new or going after a new goal, even it's going to be new, how do I apply this to something new? So you're going to see both of of those things which I think offers like a really well-rounded approach to it.
Speaker 2:I agree, because I I think there is place for both and I think, yeah, I I guess we should do a podcast together.
Speaker 1:Oh wait, we are okay, great, but and look, in our first episode we realized why. Now we know you don't want to have, you know, then you'll have two cooks in the kitchen cooking the same thing, and so this this offers like we can pace each other that way. So slowing down and making things more digestible is a goal of mine, um, and natalie is naturally very good at that, um, and then I can bring in some some of the I think depth with bringing in the other pieces and being like, well, when we can go here if this doesn't work. And then we can bring in some sort of some of the I think depth with bringing in the other pieces and being like, well, when we can go here if this doesn't work, and then we can dive here. And so that's kind of what you'll be getting as you listen the two different perspectives of the same thing, and maybe you'll land somewhere in the middle. Maybe some days you'll need this and then the other days you'll need that, which is kind of how it goes right.
Speaker 1:Some days we're going all in and we're going hard in the paint, and then the next day we're just trying to meet our basic needs, and that's, I think, what kind of midlife is all about. It's like wow, like last week, for three days I went so hard and I was like the superwoman. And now what is wrong with me? Oh, like I need to rest today, get some sunlight and and eat a nourishing meal and that's like gonna be the highlight of my day. And I think getting comfortable with that is part of what makes midlife really hard. But you get comfortable with that aspect of it and accept that. I think it makes things a lot easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, well said, and thank you for the feedback too. I received that. But yes, I think part of this is like normalizing, like we we feel it too, like we feel all of this too, and so normalizing that, that midlife can feel a little bit, you know, bumpy and exciting, um, and just kind of how to function through it, because I think you know, we hear like midlife crisis and all this stuff, but I don't know that it's really supported or even like acknowledged. So we are here to hopefully do that. Thanks for coming along the ride.
Speaker 2:In summary, just a brief summary of today, I think we talked I'll work backwards we talked a little bit about the varying degrees and styles that we both have, which I think is just helpful for people to understand. Like there's not just one way to do this stuff. I mean, I think we're both pretty much killing it and we're doing totally different things. Like I did not do that routine this morning. Tell you that much, and yet here we are and you did right. So there you go. So we talked about that. We talked about just how the subconscious kind of shows up and could be impacting or affecting how you're showing up, including in your self-care sphere. And then we talked about the mind, body and spirit. Spirit and specifically kind of how important the body pieces, but also the nervous system. Did I catch it all? Did I leave anything out?
Speaker 1:Just want to leave people with like a what the hell just happened kind of this episode to be looking into how you can add maybe one thing into your week when it comes to self-care, and so you'll see some stuff in the show notes about this, but some of those ways to support yourself that are empirically based are breath work, yoga, grounding, getting your bare feet on the earth, outside sunlight, meditation, eating whole foods, making sure you're drinking enough water.
Speaker 2:Taking a pause or a rest between activities, whether that's in between meetings, in between work and home or school pickup is a huge one if that's available to you. Pausing just to even think about intentionality around some of these practices with the what could I do piece, I'm glad you mentioned grounding. I think that's a really good way to take a pause, especially if you work on a computer all day and you're able to like step outside for even if it's literally 35 seconds, that's a huge um support for the nervous system. So yeah.
Speaker 1:So those are some of like the, the bigger ways. So if you have questions about what more specific practices look like in each of those kind of realms, we would be happy to answer those and talk about that on different episodes too. If you feel like that education piece is missing, so if you're like that education piece is missing. So if you're like, well, I heard you say breath work, what does that mean? We can share a breath work practice, we can go over some yoga poses, we can talk about those kinds of elements that really do help your nervous system calm down.
Speaker 1:My favorite I'll leave you with one favorite way to do this in a pinch. If I feel my stress response rising is through breath. You always have access to that. You can be doing that in a meeting. So something as simple as like four, seven, eight breath, which would be inhaling for a count of four seconds, holding your breath for seven, exhaling for eight, repeating that five to 10 times, even doing it once is going to help let your nervous system know that it's safe, because when you can slow and regulate your breathing, your body gets the signal that you're safe. So you always have access to breath.
Speaker 1:And so when someone says take a deep breath. It can sound annoying and condescending and they probably don't know why they're saying that to you, but it's true. So if you're going to take something out of here today that's tangible, that you can practice, go ahead and try that four, seven, eight breath, give yourself at least a few rounds and just notice how your body feels after you're done. That's something, again, you always have access to and is empirically studied, research and shown to actually calm your nervous system down. So take that one with you and we'll stick some others, like throughout different episodes. Let us know. If you have any specific questions about how to structure a practice or make up your could, your could list, what could I do, and wanting to fill that with things that will be helpful, let us know.
Speaker 2:Yep, and just with the breath work piece. Any time we're taking deep breaths, we just want to make sure that we are exhaling longer than the inhale, because that's really the calming piece to the breath work. So when people say take a deep breath, what they really should be saying is release a deep breath. But we'll change the world on that later. Also, remember to laugh today. There's nothing better for your nervous system than laughter. Do we have a joke? Should we tell a joke?
Speaker 1:Okay, what's smaller than a teeny, weeny ant? I don't know A micro ant An ant's teeny weeny.
Speaker 2:I like that. It's just like kind of like okay. So I was like I don't know if this will be appropriate, but mine is how do you make a brown chicken and a brown cow? Sexy Brown chicken, brown cow, brown chicken, brown cow. So you can just say that the whole rest of the day. That will be your reminder. That's like the self-care secret code Brown chicken, brown cow yeah yeah, just yeah.
Speaker 1:But no, that's good I love. Yeah, I'm a terrible joke teller too, so that this is good we did great.
Speaker 2:We'll probably edit this part out, but if it, if you're listening to it, it means it made it in. Which is great brown chicka, brown cow, everybody good job, guys.
Speaker 1:So hang in there. Midlife isn't easy, but we're gonna help you figure out how to function and stay tuned for our next episode, round to the brown cow. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed it, please do not forget to give us a five-star review and share with those that you love. Take a look at the show notes for ways to contact us and what our upcoming offerings are.
