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Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
This podcast features us having candid conversations about how to navigate all things mid life, including:
- Relationships
- Mental Health - anxiety, stress, depression, grief, fears, trauma (including generational trauma), estrangement, aging, parental aging and more
- Nervous system care & daily practices
- Sex
- Perimenopause & Cycle syncing
Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
Navigating December: Holiday Challenges, Relationship Dynamics, and Embracing Second Puberty
Have you ever considered the holiday season as the ultimate test of your year's personal growth? As we gear up for the festive chaos, we're exploring how December becomes a "final exam" to evaluate the boundaries we've set, our communication skills, and the compromises we've mastered. This episode also delves into the vibrant tapestry of holidays like Hanukkah, offering a perspective on how to manage the spectrum of holiday emotions with awareness and care.
Personal stories weave through our discussions, shedding light on the art of compromise in relationships. Who knew choosing a bed could be a journey of practicality versus luxury? This simple decision reveals deeper insights into partnership dynamics, underscoring the importance of self-awareness, calmness, and respect for each other's needs. We'll share strategies to maintain a cool head, ensuring that our emotional responses don't derail our communication efforts.
Lastly, we navigate the whimsically termed "second puberty," those midlife changes that often go unspoken. This phase is not just about hormonal shifts but an opportunity for self-discovery and empowerment. From tracking cycles to aligning personal growth with natural rhythms, we underscore the importance of understanding one's body during these transformative years. Whether you're setting goals or riding the waves of hormonal changes, December offers a chance to align with your inner cycles for optimal growth and energy.
You can reach us here:
Katie:
Website:
KatieKovaleski.com
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/coach_katiek/
Linkedin:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekovaleski/
Natalie:
Website: http://www.jupiterbloomwellness.com/
Instagram: Https://www.instagram.com/jupiterbloomwellness
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/natalie-diaz-182592318/
Wavier & Release of Liability and Disclaimer: The information provided by the therapist(s) is not intended, nor is implied to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The listener is advised to always seek the advice of their health care practitioner or other qualified health care provider with questions regarding medical conditions, or the mental health and welfare of the listener. I (listener) accept that neither Kathryn Kovaleski or Natalie Diaz, is liable for any injury, or damages, to person or property, resulting from listening to this podcast.
ho, ho ho happy holidays.
Speaker 2:That's like the best intro ever. Can that be how we start every podcast? Okay, wait, I'm dating myself too, like there's some kind of kool-aid commercial. All right, anyways, focus. What are we talking about today? They?
Speaker 1:were holidays, so we're coming up on Christmas.
Speaker 2:You will probably hear this episode right before or after Christmas, and I mean Flash Hanukkah, which is the 26th this year, so like that doesn't happen very often.
Speaker 1:Yep, just once a year.
Speaker 2:No, oh my God, we're in for a wild ride. Today, folks, you can tell where our bandwidth is at. Know that Hanukkah is after Christmas or like late. It's usually much earlier, um, I think. I mean I don't know for sure, but anecdotal evidence suggests that I know that because my birthday is earlier December and it's usually around Hanukkah. So happy Hanukkah. And Kwanzaa is the same day. So whatever other holidays, even if you're celebrating holidays in the air, your birthday is a holiday. My birthday is the biggest holiday, yes, and so that's why I know when Hanukkah is typically. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's why I know that. But I wish I actually knew more about the Hebrew calendar and actually knew it. So I'm going to study it.
Speaker 1:I like that. Yeah, so next year around this time we'll have more information for you.
Speaker 2:Just stay with us for one more year. So I think actually this is a great energetic kind of intro to what can happen this time of year. I mean, I think you hear it already in our banter of like the emoji with the like tongue sticking out and the crazy eyes like, oh, like it, it's just a little extra sparkly, right.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, it's sort of interesting if we think about the like, the idea of celebrating stuff, and how often that turns into stress. Right, it's like the things that we purposely schedule like holidays for celebration end up being stressful, which is like the opposite of how they quote should be. So it's like how many celebrations do we really have that feel at like easeful and exciting?
Speaker 2:well, you used two different words. There, though, you bring up a good point, because easeful and exciting I think are like on the different end of the nervous system spectrum excitement, fear, stress, like those are all cousins, right, so it can also be just a gentle maybe not so gentle reframe around. This is a lot, and treating it that way, I think, is probably something that we can kind of review and delve into today, like whether you view it as exciting and or stressful. I think you bring up a good point cumbersome, whatever, it's the same kind of energy and nervous system care and hormonal spike awareness and whatever else, as opposed to something that feels easeful or natural or boring, right, which those kind of are the other end of the spectrum.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think holidays and Christmas, like December, is sort of like the final exam month of the year and all these things happen where it's like, okay, I'm going to put in situations where it's clear if I've been doing my nervous system homework, if I've been setting my boundaries, it's sort of all of these things we talk about practicing and doing, it's final exam time, because if we have been setting boundaries, consciously, communicating, taking care of our systems, like we can meet the moment with the holidays in a much different way. But if we haven't been doing those things, it's like back to rinse and repeat of like the stress and the anxiety and the fear, whether it's about money or seeing family or not having plans or whatever it is. But I think December is like final exam month. It's like have I been doing my work this year?
Speaker 2:I love the way that you put that. It actually is final exam month for people that are in school, so that's an easy crossover. But yeah, like that is so interesting. I this is the first I've heard you share this analogy, so I'm like sitting with it for a second. But okay, like nervous system care, boundaries, cycle tracking, like supportive planning, communicative strategies, like you get to practice all of them in a very short and condensed exam-like setting, which is exciting and or stressful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's exciting if you want to do triggers.
Speaker 2:Did I leave that off the list? I'm sorry, but like I think that's a big, like that's a big one too, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's final exam for all those things. Finances have I been paying attention to where my money's gone this year? It's usually December when that stuff starts to culminate and we're like oh yay or oh no or whatever it is. Compromise would be another big one, I feel like with holidays. If you have a partner or family or extended family, I feel like compromise is a huge for the holidays, because not everybody's going to get everything they want, whether it's about gifts or scheduling or where we spend our time. Compromise what is your relationship like with compromise?
Speaker 2:I'm listening to you and I think everything that you just said is really interesting and validating and like important to remember. But I'm really just thinking about is like how am I doing on, like I'm just literally thinking about myself.
Speaker 1:This is your perfectionist. She's like am I ready for my final? I didn't. It's a pop quiz final. I didn't know I was taking one, am I?
Speaker 2:No, but like I had, I feel like I would like to share or we can share, like no, I think I am doing, I think I am ready, because we had like a unit test or something already and I feel like I've been. I actually was reflecting, so this is like a hard pivot. I guess we'll just be all over the place today. So take what you, what lands people but around, like hormonal cycles and nervous system care and rest, and I can't remember how much of that we've shared directly in this particular space as opposed to the other spaces that we collaborate and work in. But I know we have touched on those topics and I would say for me personally, really noticing how supporting myself physically and hormonally has, like, really helped prepare me for some of these challenges. When you say that, like, isn't it time for me to get my stickers or whatever, If I had a gold star, I would give you one right now.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I received that. Here's a little little heart there you go. Yeah, you absolutely have. I think this year this semester, let's say has been about that for you. So you've already had pop quizzes come up throughout the last six months and you've gotten better and better and better grades on them. So technically, I feel like the final exam is sort of like extra credit, like it's an exercise, but it's not like my grade depends on this, because you've already put in all those A pluses on your pop quiz.
Speaker 2:Right, thank you. I think what's helpful about this for myself and other our listeners is, like. It's always nice to know, though, when you're having a final exam, that it's coming and like when it starts, as opposed to a pop quiz. So I think, setting the tone for like oh, this is going to be an opportunity to like revisit and exercise all these skills I do need to study. If we're going with the analogy, or like prepare myself for, like, a final, I was going to say like you wouldn't go into a final, not sleeping the night before and just whatever, but like I would have done that back then, but now I prepare myself.
Speaker 2:So I think a lot of this is a reminder of um, I like the words that you used earlier boundaries and compromise. I feel like we're really in that phase, that's like where you can kind of proactively and preactively be prepared for and then the nervous system care takes place throughout. But I think, yeah, like some preparation and awareness that this is what's happening. I find that helpful. This is what's happening. I find that helpful. Or like relieving or relaxing, to latch on to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think for most people, if you're listening to this, you know growth and personal development is probably important to you in some way, and so I think, like zoom out lesson is okay. Every December it's like this final exam time. This is my experience this year. So if you haven't really prepared intentionally, just being open and curious and observing how things feel for you and then saying what can I do differently throughout the year, what can I work on so that the final exam is easier next time, and then noting when we set the intention to change something or to make it easier, life is going to hand us those pop quiz moments throughout the year and typically they come in the form of triggers or some kind of chaos or unexpected event and if we look at it, like, oh okay, this is my pop quiz so that I can test the skill sets that I've been developing, and then those will even strengthen you know those skill sets for the final, but I think that's you know.
Speaker 1:A year ago we talked about different things when it came to our cycle and cycle tracking and looking at stuff and bringing awareness first, and then we got deeper and then it was these pop quiz moments that really shined a lot of light on the stuff we've been doing that works, the stuff that we need to add in, and they really are just pop quiz moments. It's like you wanted a change you've been putting in the work. You have to test the skill set. If the skill set's not tested, it's essentially useless. We have to have moments that test our skill sets, that test what we've test on it. It's like, well, no, okay, do I know this? Is it working? Um, and so that's kind of we're we're perpetually in school if we're really trying to keep developing.
Speaker 2:I love school. Um, yeah, opportunities I think that's the word that we used just that, these are opportunities to like, not just test the knowledge or the skill set, but also to practice it, you know, put it into practice and notice what that feels like and integrate it from like a neuroplasticity, behavioral piece and, anyways, like what would we talk about with our therapists if we didn't have these opportunities to process? But I say that in jest and whatever that looks like for you, but they are these self-reflective growth experiences and we don't always have to be in the growth, but it is, I think, nice that's probably not the right word, but useful to have that like self-awareness cycle of like this happened, I responded like this, I wish I would have responded. Like this happened, I responded like this, I wish I would have responded like this. Next time I'll do this. I noticed this like question mark on this. And then you keep going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you know we've talked about this before like you and I sort of being like a yin and a yang with how we move with different things, and like over the last year and a half I had two years I had a ton of change and so I really slowed down and really went internal and focused on like rest and sort of rehabbing myself, and I think you were moving as quickly as you've always moved, sort of at your full speed, and then we started to notice like we kind of like crossed here and I was like I might need to speed up a little bit more so I can test my skills.
Speaker 1:Or the universe kind of did that to me and you kind of have the opposite experience. It was like maybe at different parts of my month I need to slow down, yeah, to learn my lessons, cause that's my pop. Quizzes have been like preparing for stuff, but it's the stuff I didn't see coming that like really tested my bandwidth and all the work I've done, and they weren't like necessarily awesome or pleasant, but like I got through them and I was like, oh wow, I can actually push or be pushed a lot farther than I thought I could be. And then now I'm back to baseline. But and sometimes we get those pushes and if you've been taking really good care of yourself, they're just really important. So you remember like, oh, I'm capable of meeting so many different moments that I have been kind of protecting myself from like I'm holding back, I'm trying to protect myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, if we want to look at baseline or like a pendulum or something, it's in whenever, like in the perfect middle balance. Like I don't think that's a thing, I don't know, maybe the most enlightened of us are, but it can come from both directions right. Like I need to lean in maybe to this December season a little bit and like challenge myself and put myself in some of these maybe activating situations because I'm prepared and I want to practice and I've done my nervous system care and I know what I'm getting into. Like that could also be a thing like pushing yourself into things we talk a lot about pulling back and like the awareness and the boundaries and the space, but maybe not as much around. Like using some of this as opportunities and you might surprise yourself, right, like that's kind of what happened to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the compromise piece, so I'll just, we'll talk about this on here. But my partner and I my boyfriend and I have decided to move in together, which is like, oh, and our first compromise was on getting a bed together on cyber Monday, deciding on the bed, and he loves his bed, but I, I want a different bed. I want a king size bed. He has a queen and he has this fancy adjustable base and all this stuff that can no longer be used with.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't know it was fancy. Left that part out, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm like thinking in my head how often do you really use this fancy adjustable thing? We don't really need that, but I need a bigger bed. So he, let me pick up the bed. He usually does a ton of research and takes weeks to make a decision. Monday morning I'm like let's get a bed by Monday night. He ordered it the one that I wanted. And then he's like, well, let's look at, we need a new adjustable base. The adjustable bases are super expensive. They're like more expensive in the bed.
Speaker 1:And I was like thinking we, we don't need this. And I, we don't. Why do we need this? This is a stupid purchase. And I'm like, well, how often do you even use that? And it turns out he does. And I had to be like, okay, you need to check yourself. The compromise is someone who takes months to research things Cause he always wants to get the best of the best thing. Let you do this, supported you on it, went ahead and bought it that night for you and you're gonna try to say no to the thing that he wants and needs. I didn't. I was like, okay, yeah, then that's what we'll do. Like, okay, and it's so weird. No, it's just. That was my experience. I was like noticing myself wanting to protest. No, like you need to meet, you need to meet them where they're meeting, you like.
Speaker 2:Ultimately so you kind of answered my question a little bit, but I'm curious if you can share with us. And thanks for that story, and I think it's really interesting that you left that part out when you told me we were oh, by the way, it's like fancy adjustable, but it's fine. Um, how or why, besides the fact that you're you, do you think that you were able to catch that? Because I think a lot of. I think that word catch is important and interesting. I think a lot of this, at least from my perspective, comes from like shit just happening and triggering and overflowing and then like not even really. Then it's like too big or too much or like we can't pull back or reset. So you are very on the front end of that, and why and how do you think you were able to notice that and do that?
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? Yeah Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I don't. I don't like to be wrong. I don't like to make a statement and not have thought it through and not be able to back it up. And when I was making that statement in my head of like we don't need that, I immediately was like there's holes all over this. If I was on the receiving end of that statement, this is how I would tear it apart, Like Nope, not a good point to make. So if I'm going to make a point, I want to know, first of all, my. You know, your opinion and how you feel is always valid, but I want to being just and being fair is really important to me, and so if I'm going to say, turn somebody down for something that's important to them, I need to think through if I have a leg to stand on and I didn't have a leg to stand on, like I don't, but like how were you able to do that?
Speaker 2:so if I'm listening and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I say and do things all the time that then I later like turn into something big that I wish I would have like caught myself on, like our listeners and even me, like how, how were you able to even like be in a state where you could like self-reflect and pause and notice like that there were holes in your arguments and things like that like attribute that to so I would attribute that to like nervous system care.
Speaker 1:So keeping my nervous system calm, um through, like stuff that we talked about in other episodes. I think maybe it was a second one where we went over nervous system bandwidth and things like that self-care. So that's mitigating stress, making sure I'm not in states of anxiety as often as possible, putting more or less time into that each day as needed. When I do that, I'm able to run this very specific filter that I created for myself a long time ago, where before, especially if I have like a fiery or spicy reaction to something, before I respond to it outwardly, I have to check for projection or deflection. It's like, okay, I don't like that.
Speaker 1:You're telling me we have to spend money on this thing. That's not really important to me. Where have I done that? Or where am I doing that? And I was telling him we need to spend money on this thing because it's important to me and I was like, okay, so you're being a hypocrite. If you do the opposite now and tell him his thing isn't important, you're going to be projecting. So I run myself and my responses, if they feel fiery, through a filter of like am I doing this also currently or somewhere else in my life, and how can I take accountability for how I'm feeling and is this really important to me? So I run everything sort of through that. It's like a shadow filter, it's the sides of ourselves.
Speaker 2:We checks and balances, filter, knowing the tendencies right which for you could be projecting um, but the bigger one that I heard you say was like you were in a bandwidth space that you were able and available to do that, and that kind of reminds me of I don't know, like back to the pop quiz and final exam piece around.
Speaker 2:Like that, I think, is what we are after, especially in midlife, and that becomes more difficult and more elusive because life gets a little more difficult. At this stage there are more stressors, like in general Right and like just like I don't know. I mean, life is great, but like also there's like a lot more to drain our bandwidth and the nervous system care, because maybe things that used, you know it's been an exacerbation of years, of whatever responses that now like there's even less and less pads, like wearing away at something and then there's no padding left, um. So I think that is what we're after, like how do we keep that catch it space time, whatever that looks like for us, padded, available, present, like fueled up, um, and it's not like one recipe. I do think a big part of it is hormonal at this phase in life and we've talked about that. We're dipping into that in different spaces, but like I would start there and then the nervous system care. Maybe that's actually number one, or they go like hand in hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So if you're interested in learning more, I have a free PDF about relationships. But I have this little graphic and it's like a three piece pie chart and it's the midlife, mayhem, perfect storm, and one piece of the pie is hormones, One piece is nervous system, one piece is relationships and those tend to like all come together to kind of create mayhem and midlife and the hormonal piece and the nervous system piece are inextricably connected and it's like chicken and egg. But what I do know from this phase of life is that you can do a ton of nervous system care, but if the hormones are not being addressed like you're going to be kind of screwed Okay. So starting with the hormones is is super important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I only talk over you when I get really excited. Sorry, but I that's like I was having a hard time verbalizing it like the inextricably mixed and the chicken and egg thing I think are useful and helpful, but I think that part around the hormonal piece being imperative, like you can do, I mean like you can go to an ashram and do yoga all day long. Right, speaking from experience, for me, like that's my biggest nervous system care. I have lots, but we don't need to get into them. Like we could just have a podcast all about me for my birthday or something, but that's not today.
Speaker 2:Um and but if the hormonal foundation is not there, it's like there's nothing for this care to really latch onto or land. It's like it gets watered out. You know, it's like putting food coloring in, like a I don't know. It's not enough. It's not enough. Basically, is how what I'm going for there. So I'm glad that we landed on this because I do think it's an important piece. It's not the only piece and it's not a simple piece and it's not a like one size fits all fix it, but it's worth noting and I think, especially during final exam time and all these other growth opportunities like where is your hormonal health? Where's your even awareness around it? I think it's a good piece to start with is like am I projecting or deflecting here?
Speaker 1:My more personal filter, to that I apply before responding, is like where am I at in my cycle and have I so? Then the nervous system care piece would be have I fed myself today? Have I watered myself today? Have I slept enough? So it's like the maintenance of, like the house plant kind of stuff. Um, that's another filter. So if I you know, we need that filter more than ever in midlife, just because those two things really do impact our bandwidth, um, on a chemical level, hormonal level, physiological. So a good filter might be starting to.
Speaker 1:The filter might be where am I at in my cycle? How does this time of the month usually affect me emotionally? Um, energetic wise, how much energy do I have? What are what needs? Do I have that come up? How can I fill them? And then the action step is like if I don't know the answers to any of those questions, order one of those. I'm looking at mine right now. I have a big paper calendar on my counter and I track each day. I write down how I feel, I write down where I'm at in my cycle, what day I'm on, and I write down the any symptoms I'm having my energy levels, um, all kinds of stuff, and that's helping me. We're going through a second puberty, ladies, a deep puberty.
Speaker 1:And like it's going to change things and so we need to learn ourselves, and we've never done that before in this way, and so I take notes and so I can look back. I look back today, three months ago, and was like, okay, this is what I was experiencing at this time here. This is how much it's changed Since I added in, you know, 10 days of progesterone and I'm doing these things, and so you either have to meet the moment with getting to know yourself as you go through this. You know ovarian death, your second puberty, um or you're going to kind of be at the whim. That you know. And that's where midlife crisis comes from. It's everything goes to shit and no one is like what's happening here? Why?
Speaker 2:So your exam is going to be open notes because you take notes. That's great. I love it. I, I haven't. Why not? Okay, we talk about this all the time. I read about this all the time like very much into this world. Why have I not heard this second puberty? Um, like I just made it up, you did you need to. Okay, no wait, that is trademarked, katie. Trademarked that nobody steals it that's made it up right now fucking awesome.
Speaker 2:I love see. I think, also as a mom and person that has spent a lot of time with adolescents in different spaces like that, I'm like, oh, like that really helps me.
Speaker 1:So that is, I seriously call your legal team after this before you post this, whatever like this is such funny graphics too, because it's like puberty, it's like hair coming in, things growing, and it's like second puberty, hair falling out. Yeah, that's not fun.
Speaker 2:That's horrible. Don't brand it like that people don't like, but it is true. So we have to like deal. Yes, I think this the, the unpredictability and the realness and the impact and the like um, I don't know how to say it, but like it's a thing, like we say puberty. It's like, oh, you know, and you like get it all. It's like, okay, well, I get it. It's this, is that, but it's so much more insidious, so much less talked about historically. And you were saying like we need to get to know ourselves in a way that we haven't yet before. And I was thinking in my head because we weren't taught or modeled or like encouraged to do so. And some of us are lucky enough I'm going to use the word luck because you know our lifetimes are here for evolution that we are going through our deep puberty when those in our household might be going through puberty. So, like track it together.
Speaker 2:I mean, I would only hope that the generation, our younger generation, has a little more um, at least a heads up, you know, and not because it's doomsday I really that's not really my intention at all because there is a little bit of like an excitement and like a curiosity when we say puberty and we can bring that into this space too. I mean, there's some gifts from this. We wouldn't be on this podcast exploring every little inch and nook and cranny of our lives had we not been having these experiences. We probably would would be, but like it would be different, right. So it presents a lot of kind of curiosity and excitement and opportunities to get to know yourself, to feel empowered, to like finally start figuring out how to support yourself physically, emotionally, cognitively, because we're kind of forced to exactly, which is like yay, like that's like.
Speaker 1:I do too. It presents you the opportunity to catch up on all this, the work and classes that you didn't take for the last decade, you know, and so we can overlook things until we can't. And this second puberty is like the wall going up, being like you can't overlook this stuff anymore, or these are like the consequences, and it's like, okay, now I'm going to look, and then it's like, oh, I actually feel better now than I felt eight years ago because I am doing all of these cool things, cause there's so much cool stuff out there, guys, to to help us through this where there wasn't before. You can listen to this podcast, you can take supplements, you can use HRT, you can use peptides. There's so many great ways to support ourselves medicinally even that weren't available to other generations, and so you could feel better during this second puberty than you did a decade ago, if you allow yourself the opportunity to lean into that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think that part is like really exciting and I guess it's kind of that like we're not forced to really learn or study until we know the exam is coming. I don't know that I'm mixing analogies up, but just that idea of like it does kind of put that wall up and kind of like this is not a choice anymore. You are going to learn about yourself and how to support yourself and you're going to love it and it's going to be fun and exciting and like feel good and it's.
Speaker 1:It's sort of like the whole development is like right, you're a teenager, you go through puberty and then after that you learn how to be an adult, right. So maybe you go to school, you have a career, you have a family, all these things, and then you get sort of like okay, and used to juggling that, and then, right, when that happens, you go into second puberty, which is like the real thing, right. So like first puberty, it's like go through that, but also now you have a house and a mortgage and a career and a family, all these things to juggle while going through this puberty ask phase. And it's like that's, you know, like that's a lot to expect from us ladies. So so like cheers to everybody who's gone through it and made it. Cheers everybody who's starting or just realizing oh, this is a thing, and I'm not actually just like breaking down in midlife, something's happening, because that's a lot yeah, it's a lot it's.
Speaker 2:I'm still like a little bit perturbed that nobody told me this was going to happen, but I'm I'm working through that or like that nobody's still telling me that it's happening, or something that feels very like speaking of projection, like blamey and like victimy, but there is a little bit of like I don't know if there's like a little bit of that piece too. Like it it is empowering and it's like interesting and kind of exciting and definitely for me has been helpful overall and also like the fuck, nobody told me this, like I don't. I still just blows my mind.
Speaker 2:I can't like because it's not like it's just you and me, like oh, we have this in common. I mean, I guess it's a little different for everyone, but it's still a thing, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's one of the only non-negotiables that will happen to every woman in some, some way or another. It will happen and it it is mind blowing because it makes zero sense that we don't have a firm grasp on this and a plan and education, given that it happens to every woman. I know, besides dying and being born Like I don't know, that there are that many other things that happen to every single person. Oh, I know, I know, I know wild.
Speaker 2:so if you're going through that, let yourself feel those feelings, because, yeah, it's kind of fucked up yeah, thank you for for presencing that and, like my mind is a little bit like well, I can tell you some reasons why we have aren't, but we're not. That's not this kind of podcast. It's the kind of podcast where we prepare for December in an accessible and light-hearted but also serious and practical way. Right, is that what this kind of podcast is? Yeah, or December and beyond, because, like, what, if someone's listening to this in July, there's the second puberty still happens.
Speaker 1:Um, and in July you have a few months to get ready for your final, so now's a good time to start. To start now.
Speaker 2:But I think the only other piece I want to like emphasize again and I like all of these concepts in the way they're kind of like floating and coming together is just like how real it feels and how important that is when we're talking about some of the other stuff we talked about, like bandwidth and triggers and relationship and nervous system care and whatever else, like when the hormonal piece is not what's the word I want to use, like like solid I don't know if that feels right but like present or whatever. Um, controlled, under control Is that the word I want to use. Like it does feel real, like you did a really good job in your example of we don't need this, but maybe we do so. Let's say you were in a different space. It would be like we don't fucking need this.
Speaker 2:He's ridiculous, my whole life is ridiculous. This real. I'm not moving in like forget it, cancel the bed, but it feels like real. It feels like this is obviously the response and this makes complete sense. And I'm not moving in like forget it, cancel the bed, but it feels like real. It feels like this is obviously the response and this makes complete sense, and I'm not being crazy or overreact. Like it feels so real when it's happening. So I just think that part that's why I said how did you catch yourself? Because if you have the space to not get into that alternate reality like that is helpful. And if you are listening to this and you're like I'm not there yet in the alternate reality, like usurps me. I just want to validate that that is a thing because I've been there too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So if you ask the question again well, how do you catch yourself? I would say, because there's been a thousand times that I didn't catch myself, that I had to step back from and be like Whoa, at some point some of these reactions seem a bit more intense than maybe they were before, or like what's going on here, so that's going on here is a really good one, like what's going on here or what went on here, cause usually when it's going on, it's like nothing, I'm just.
Speaker 2:this is I have to do this because we can't get the like. It feels real.
Speaker 1:Well, and I will say too, like an advantage I have here, being the age I'm at and being in a relationship that I've only been in for a year, is that I don't have history with this person. That reflects sort of like my different growing edges and different patterns and immature behaviors from the past, like I met him or he met me at the best part of my life, where I'm very aware and I've done all the work and he doesn't trigger me by association because we don't have that history together. So when something comes up with him, it's way easier for me to be like Whoa, what's going on? Because it's not about the 20 year history we've had and all of the things that come with that and all of the associations and why this is valid. This has happened before, it's all new and so it's like, okay, that's, that's a lot for someone who's been great and you just met, like whoa yeah, yeah, thank you for clarifying and sharing that.
Speaker 2:And like we're sending him love and support, and like this heart emoji with the fingers, like if he's listening to this, it's like what the hell, I love you, thank you. Thanks for the example. Okay, I think it's time for some sort of like reigning in. I feel like if we had a white whiteboard, we'd have words and concepts all over the place, but like no outline so like what am I? What are you putting on your notepad? What are we highlighting here? Really big pieces besides second puberty, aka perimenopause.
Speaker 1:For those of us that didn't catch that, just in case, well, because maybe you know, like you might be listening to this in and out and on and off and like maybe and like I don't know that's you know, yeah, yeah, um, I think the biggest takeaway, the zoom out takeaway is it's okay for December to be whatever it looks and feels like for you and if you haven't really prepared in any of the ways we talked about, just observe the way you show up, just start observing Okay, that felt good, that didn't, that seemed like a lot, this felt better. Just observe the way you react and respond to your environment and the situations that you're in this month. Observe them the best that you can and even jot them down, just to give you some pointers for what you might want to start looking at or focusing on as you move forward next year and I think, with that observation, if you are not, this sounds like so like teachery, with like my finger out, so as a, as a suggestion, if you are not strong.
Speaker 2:It sounds like that because I feel very strongly that this should be happening and I don't use the word should lightly but if you're not tracking your cycles, or maybe if your cycles are not regular, you're to start getting an idea of what is happening, maybe biophysically and hormonally. I think is is another really like almost imperative step, because it's too much to keep track of and we think we remember, but like it's just like, why not just have some data? Data is helpful.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. So I love that Natalie came through with a very conscious action step. That's very doable. That is imperative. I would agree, um, start there. If you are a seasoned vet and you've been tracking your cycles and you know all the things that you do, all the self-care, I would invite you to set an interesting goal for final exam about a way that you want to up-level or show up differently in one specific scenario or situation that you know you will likely find yourself in.
Speaker 2:I did this this year. It could look like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how do you want to up-level and show up differently in one specific scenario and get clear and specific on what that is and how you want to do it?
Speaker 2:And then, if we want to tie the two together, that up level intention, I would, if it were me, like when I do this, cause I'm going to do what you just said, I think, um, I will then check where my cycle is and be like, okay, that's maybe not, you know, like, like, put it together because you know, during some of those really tough luteal PMS phase days, like that is probably not the time to push yourself, Not probably that is not the time to lean in and push yourself. But it could be the time to push yourself to, to say no or put a boundary up or whatever it is. But so it's a different action plan based on that. It might. Did that make sense? That come out clear?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so if you want to do something like intentional that's going to acquire a little more energy and finesse for your up level, do it during follicular or ovulation. If your invitation is to set a boundary and to do less and that sort of your up level, then during luteal would be a great time to make sure you're prioritizing that up level.
Speaker 2:That was a really nice way to say that, and if you don't know what those words or phases mean. That's okay, that can be your homework. That can be another option for a homework or a learning exercise. Like, just start to familiarize yourself with, like, what a typical phase and cycle looks like. Just do like an image search or whatever. Um, there's lots of info out there, so that's also can be like a fun, exciting, deep puberty puberty lesson yeah, I love it yes, happy holidays to all and to all a good night or day.
Speaker 1:Okay, let me stop the recording that was great.
