Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
This podcast features us having candid conversations about how to navigate all things mid life, including:
- Relationships
- Mental Health - anxiety, stress, depression, grief, fears, trauma (including generational trauma), estrangement, aging, parental aging and more
- Nervous system care & daily practices
- Sex
- Perimenopause & Cycle syncing
Mid-Life Mayhem; A guide to functioning in your 40's & beyond
Finding Joy and Balance in your 40's
Picture this: you've hit your 40s, and life starts to feel like a new chapter, full of both challenges and opportunities. Join us, Natalie Diaz and Katie Kovaleski, as we embark on a heartfelt conversation about embracing midlife and transforming it into a time of growth. Together, we share personal stories and insights into navigating the chaos that often accompanies this decade, all while nurturing our nervous systems and enhancing our intuition. It's about recognizing the beauty and complexity of these years, celebrating the good days, and finding gratitude in life's evolving experiences.
Our discussion takes a thoughtful turn towards the importance of aligning with our true selves and dreams. We emphasize how gradual transitions and flexible work arrangements can support this journey, offering a softer landing as we pursue what truly fulfills us. Through therapy, yoga, and even the playful practices of vision boarding and crystal use, we explore how to strengthen our intuition and make decisions that resonate with our deepest desires. This conversation is a gentle nudge to care for our nervous systems, allowing us to listen to our inner voice and make changes that lead to personal transformation.
Finally, we celebrate the newfound autonomy that comes with life's transitions, often referred to as "second puberty." This phase invites us to reevaluate what truly matters, shedding unnecessary distractions and focusing on self-care. We explore the bittersweet nature of watching our children grow and the joy of small victories, all while mastering the metaphorical tandem bike ride of midlife. As we look toward the new year, we invite you to join our Midlife Mayhem Women's Group, a virtual gathering designed to explore and embrace these challenges together. With humor and hope, let's be "hope dealers" for ourselves and those around us.
You can reach us here:
Katie:
Website:
KatieKovaleski.com
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/coach_katiek/
Linkedin:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekovaleski/
Natalie:
Website: http://www.jupiterbloomwellness.com/
Instagram: Https://www.instagram.com/jupiterbloomwellness
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/natalie-diaz-182592318/
Wavier & Release of Liability and Disclaimer: The information provided by the therapist(s) is not intended, nor is implied to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The listener is advised to always seek the advice of their health care practitioner or other qualified health care provider with questions regarding medical conditions, or the mental health and welfare of the listener. I (listener) accept that neither Kathryn Kovaleski or Natalie Diaz, is liable for any injury, or damages, to person or property, resulting from listening to this podcast.
Welcome to Midlife Mayhem. I am your host, katie Kowalewski, and today my co-host and I, natalie Diaz, are talking again all things Midlife Mayhem, specifically focusing on why being in our 40s is a beautiful time, how to leverage it, how to take care of your nervous system and why that's so important for your intuition to function fully, and how those things really play into how this decade of perimenopause and midlife mayhem goes for us enjoy now we have to totally switch, we do yeah, congratulations oh, thanks, hi.
Speaker 2:Happy new year. Today we get to. Today we get to film this film. Okay, this is right in my way. Today we get to film the episode I've been wanting to film for a long time what is that about natalie?
Speaker 2:which is why, um okay, I don't even know how to put words to it um, today we get to film like what is great about being 40 and like what is on the other side of the rainbow of midlife, and even if you, our listeners, are not here yet, I like landed here. I don't know if I'm staying here or if I'm just visiting, but we're going, gonna capture the moment while it's real. Um, but I think it's something that will be fun and also like balancing for some of the other topics that we also give space to, without with only like a little bit of 90s toxic positivity, but not too much yes, exactly, you know, I think, midlife in general, this midlife mayhem, because it's such mayhem, you really start to focus on how you feel and you'll appreciate the good days more than you might have previously.
Speaker 2:Um, when you're like wow, today is a fucking awesome day, like that was me yesterday, when we decided we're gonna do this podcast today, and then katie and I were just talking off air and that's why I said like, oh, we have to switch.
Speaker 2:Um, because I was like I felt better yesterday, I felt fucking amazing yesterday and I was like like la, and that is less present today and, to be honest, I don't.
Speaker 2:It actually didn't even last the whole day, because by last night I had a little bit of a crash and just because you all want to know what's happening in my body, I'm pretty sure it was like directly tied to ovulation, which is fascinating when you start to look at this stuff, like I can't wait for the next one, can't wait for the next egg release. Um, I'll keep everyone posted, but, um, it does give like a framework and a perspective and a presence and a gratitude in general to how we're feeling, how things are, and I think that even extends to like some of the life things and I'm gonna go out on a limb here because everybody's not in the same phase of life um, and I guess just talk about myself, which is my favorite topic anyways, but I think, too, there's something about this phase of life that comes with like um god, what is the word? Maybe you can come up with the word. I'll describe it and you tell me what the word is.
Speaker 2:But like this morning I was on this beautiful walk run and I was outside and I was like unrushed and I was thinking about my day and how it's kind of been. Like I mean, obviously my life is not super smooth and easy and perfect, but it's orchestrated in so many ways that I feel supportive, like, oh, this is like most days. I wake up like I'm doing this today, like I remember your quote one time stayed with me forever. You're like my life is just not that stressful anymore. It's like kind of that feeling and I don't want to sugarcoat it too much.
Speaker 2:But there is something I think that comes with a certain accessibility or phase in life where we're able to make a little, we have a little more freedom or maybe able, able to make a little more choices, we're leaning into what serves and what doesn't serve, like we're, you know, like I used to do like such a grind and I'm not in that space anymore and that is not lost on me at all. Nor would I do it differently. That was really um, formative and rewarding and important and workable at that phase of my life, from like age basically 17 to 35, but like I'm so glad I don't think I could do it the same way. Does that make sense like kind of from this place of gratitude and perspective, and like also ableness or something? What is the word?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think all of those words. I couldn't think of the specific word you're asking about, but the question I had when you were talking was how or why did you? How did you get out of the grind? Because I think a lot of women that are hitting this point and symptoms are starting to pop up. Are you still used to grinding? And so I've seen that a lot, with like immediate frustration, with symptoms popping up, and why isn't this easy? And it's stopping me from living this over busy life and this like resentment and anger, and it's like you're 43. You're grinding as if you're 25 like it has to stop.
Speaker 2:Sensitive to this question because I feel really grateful, but also it's that balance of action and surrender like I did do stuff but then I also had opportunities to get out of the grind like it's like I recognize that might not be such a viable option for everyone so I don't want to come from that place that so many like I don't know wellness just like blah, blah, blah, like okay, and what's going to happen with the kids and what about my career and what about, like I validate that and but Like I just I'm going to answer your question, but first I just want to give some space to people that are in midlife, to women specifically, that are in midlife and still in the grind and haven't made adjustments, even if it's like more grace and patience with yourself, because I feel like from a coming from a grinder myself and I still am very, you know, yang energy I just like can't even imagine how, how that's possible, like I really can't, and I feel like I'm not a baby. I feel like I can do stuff and I don't think I could do that would be. So this is where we get into human design and I don't have a good answer for you. I just knew I just gravitated towards what felt right and I mean I also worked really hard and had professional opportunities that I could lean into that are a little more flexible because of some of the stuff I did earlier, like because of my graduate degree, my licensure, my whatever all the things. But like I feel like the answer to that is like I just did I slowly, Okay. So let me give you a better answer. I did it slowly.
Speaker 2:I kind of I did a hybrid model of life for a while. I made some really big changes. We moved physical locations, I changed things about my life. I left jobs that I really liked but that I knew were not serving me in my nervous system. I went through a period of like transition and things being a little unsettled, of like transition and things being a little unsettled. Covid was part of like that process, which ultimately was semi-supportive for me because of it brought a lot of um, like virtual and hybrid opportunities out that you know, like just so many things changed with that.
Speaker 2:But I think I would say like I just did it and one of the things that I leaned into was like there's this quote by Rumi, there's two. I love him. First of all, he's an old, like Sufi poet. I mean like literally like old, like I don't know, do you know the year? Like 900 or something I don't know. I should know what I'm talking about, but I don't um, but I do know that I resonate with his translated teachings and one was what you seek is also seeking you. So I was really open to just like what do I want and what do I want my life to be like, and then like, letting that come to me and leaning in that direction and start walking in the path will appear. So I think there's also this like for me, this really big um. Again, I'm very intuitive and very felt sense of like.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but I'm just gonna do it like there's never gonna be this perfect plan or time of how to like get into a different phase.
Speaker 2:But thank fucking god I did, because now I kind of can see why and how this serves me and I'm grateful for the things that I've cut out and the things that I've prioritized and put in place. And then, like, not for nothing, I did a lot of vision boarding and that was really it's still a big part of my life. If you know me personally, you know that I still offer, like I do, vision board workshops and stuff because I just thought that that was a good way to kind of keep that dreaming and alignment going. So that was a framework. And then, once I got out of it, um, then we started doing this midlife work that I was, I'm able to do a little bit more and have time and space for and whateverness. Thankfully, because it's it's I. Just like I said, I can't imagine not having like the time, tools and resources like to just keep going the same, like something has to shift.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so one of the things that you just said that stuck out to me was I even left jobs I liked because they weren't supportive for me and my nervous system, and so it all kind of kind of goes back to like a mix of it. But the nervous system is so important because the work you did before on your nervous system and being a therapist and yoga allowed your intuition to come through so that you can make those decisions, allowed your intuition to come through so that you could make those decisions. So if we're in the grind but we're really not balanced as far as taking care of ourselves, seeking the resources and support that we need and doing it consistently, that intuition that you follow, it doesn't speak or it's very quiet or we can't come disconnected from it, and then we wake up at 42 or 43, 44. And we're like what is happening here and so it just speaks to, regardless of how busy we are. Carving out that 10, 15 minutes, whatever it is a day, to really care for our nervous systems is great because it increases bandwidth, decreases stress, it's good on every level, but it also intuitively, spiritually, strengthens your inner voice so that you can get those signals and those feelings and follow them. So the nervous system care is always going to be so important because if that voice isn't strengthened, you're not going to be able to hear it, you're not going to be able to follow it. And then, once you start following it, if you do hear it, vision boarding and manifesting is important so that you can create the dream right. You can start to co-create the path once it's, once you're on it.
Speaker 1:But if it's you were, you were preparing for it for however many decades, without quite knowing it felt it feels good. Right, I'm going to take care of myself. Balance and taking care of my nervous system is important. But because that was important to you, you were preparing for what was to come, the stuff that your body innately knew would happen. Like the process is so much bigger than just cognitive and like we got to figure out, when perry hits, what to do. If we take good care of our minds, our body and our spirit for a long time, or whenever we start to do it, um, spiritually, we're going to end up where we need to be. You're, you're preparing for it. Our body is going to give us the, that intuitive voice is going to lead us to preparation for stuff we didn't even know was coming, and it's like, oh yeah, five, six years ago, I just got this intuitive feeling and I started to follow it, and so it does sound nice, but the truth is you worked hard for that, you put in the back end.
Speaker 2:You know, and it does sound nice, but the truth is you worked hard for that, you put in the back end and it sounds really nice, like from this nice reflective place, but it also felt at the time it didn't even feel preparative or like I'm just going to lean into. It feels good, it felt protective, like I cannot continue to do this, and so it almost came from like an escape kind of place too. Um, and that's me. And then you've seen me struggle with like something I was going to. I heard you speak to the intuition piece and I would say the other piece as far as like why it's important to carve out I love that you said 10 to 15 minutes of nervous system care, like if you're listening to this and your life and lifestyle and circumstances are not as spacious right now or the flexibility isn't there yet. Like 10 to 15 minutes feels very, um, I think, doable, reasonable and a great place to start of. Just because the other piece I wanted to speak to is not just does it help connect to the intuition and all this like woo, woo stuff, like oh man, her voice, whatever, yes, yes, yes, I'm, I'm about that. Um, but it for more of like a practical kind of scientific place.
Speaker 2:It it brings your homeostasis or your baseline down, like, like something I say a lot in my classes if you take any yoga classes with me is like, at the end I usually say something like reminding your nervous system what it feels like to be calm, safe and relaxed. Like that does become elusive. Like we get used to running off of no sleep, lots of caffeine, a lot of stimulation, freaking, pumping gas and like there's like things yelling at you from the like gas station play. Like it's just we live in an overstimulated way, we live in an overscheduled way, which I mean I'm all for overscheduling, don't get me wrong but it becomes so baseline that our nervous system states are constantly heightened and then that will feel normal and that will feel comfortable and that will feel regular.
Speaker 2:So, even if you give yourself some time in in yoga, it's called uh shit, let me get it wrong on the podcast. Oh, my god, I can't remember the withdrawal of the senses. We're gonna get like so many comments on that. It'll come to me like while you're talking. But this idea of like, just turn it off for a little bit.
Speaker 1:Um, I think, from like a brain, neuroplasticity, nervous system perspective, that can be helpful for that too and then if you get inner voice and like vision board inspiration during that time, that's bonus right that's the fun part to me, like the manifesting part, vision boarding, like is the funner, like sexier side of like starting a new path of co-creating your life, rewriting your story. That's the fun part, um, and there's science behind it, like I think we could speak to the science and the spirituality, so it's equal parts, woo, but. But also like here's some data on it, cause stuff can be empirically proven. But that's that's fun, you know. So it's not all like heavy lifting and this and that like don't forget to mix in the fun parts, which sometimes I forget to do. You know it's. It's like why don't you go have some fun with it? Like go pick up a crystal and like do a vision board, because that's fun.
Speaker 1:That's the lighthearted side of developing. You know your, your intuitive voice, because essentially your conscious mind is the dumbest part of you. So if you're aware of it and you're thinking about it, like you're using your tiniest brain. You also have a complete unconscious and then a body that is very, very smart, which is always processing things and sending signals, and when your nervous system is calm enough, your body's just signaling you. It's, it's your biggest brain, your smartest brain, um, and healing your nervous system allows your body signals to come through. So we call that intuition. You can call it a gut feeling, but it essentially is your entire body being able to give you a signal and you to listen to it.
Speaker 2:Um how can we I love the body is the biggest brain. That's another. You add that to your trademark legal list. Um, can we talk about like I'm hearing. If I'm hearing this, I'm like, okay, nervous system reset, your nervous system care, but like and I also the other part I heard that stuck out to me is fun, this could be fun. So maybe can we come up with a just a catch all list, ish and incomplete list of what that could look like. Like, if I'm going to go for 10 to 15 minutes, which I loving that timeframe of nervous system care a day, what are my options for that and can some of them be fun? Yeah, I mean actually having fun is very, um, yeah, well, I mean I guess fun without it being overexciting, but like being in that state. That's nervous system repair, right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there's a bunch of different types. So Broadway's, like Nellie said, having fun is nervous system repair. Co-regulation is also nervous system repair. So if you wake up in the morning and so you're with a partner, someone's in bed with you and they have a calming, grounding presence, laying for an extra 10 minutes. Holding hands like skin to skin can be very co-regulating and that can be nervous system care.
Speaker 2:I was thinking more like adult coloring books, but this is why we're doing a list together and or something cooking sensory related. But yes, if you still like your partner and you want to lay in your new, you can tell who's in a new wonderful phallus relationship. So something like that. Or your child co-regulating skin to skin or like something like that.
Speaker 1:You're going to hold yourself, you know, holding that hand and if you're by yourself or taking that time by yourself, for me one that's fun is just a simple mixture of like mind, body, spirit. So like laying on a foam, rolling for like five minutes and doing some yoga stretches feels so good, even if there's resistance, to be like I don't want to do that right now. You'll never regret doing that. It's for me. It's the one thing, the one self-care thing I'll never regret, which is five. It's for me. It's the one thing, the one self care thing I'll never regret, which is five minutes of stretching, five minutes of yoga poses, getting on a foam roller and then just laying there and putting on a five minute meditation on inside timer, something that's guided.
Speaker 1:I don't have to think, put your legs up the wall while you do it. Congratulations, you've just done 10 minutes of self care. You're present, your body's starting to relax. When our body relaxes, our mind and our consciousness can expand and we're able to relax and widen. So for me, stretching the body first is the best. Oh my god, my neighbor's walking by with a new puppy.
Speaker 2:Thank you oh my god, that's nervous system care. Add puppy to the list. Not taking care of it, just like being with your dog.
Speaker 1:Um, and like Natalie said first, it's like the absence of stimulation, of all the extras. So just creating a quiet environment and doing one of those types activities, but for me it's it's yoga, stretching, a brief meditation and I can pop up and I feel like I've just slept a full night, like I feel so much better. Um, yeah, like putting a fire in the fireplace, lighting a candle, getting out in a coloring book, that gets you present. That's when your focus is on one thing and you're fully engaged in it and it's not overstimulating. Your nervous system's able to start healing and repairing.
Speaker 2:It's just quieting everything down, focusing on one thing, not overstimulated, and the other component would be some type of body or sensory component.
Speaker 1:I think those are kind of I don't think your body can be involved in it honestly, because, again, the bigger picture here is strengthening that inner voice in your biggest brain, your body. So the body has to be, you have to be acknowledging it in this, you have to be working with it. If it's in pain, you need to move it, stretch it, those types of things. You won't be fully complete, I think, and at rest nervous system wise, if you ignore doing some sort of movement or engagement with your body.
Speaker 2:Physically, yes, I would agree. So now we at least have the three ingredients for nervous system care recipe, and those are something that people can think of on their own. I I would also add any type of like outdoor walking, gentle walking, like not your exercise, walk um without a podcast or music or whatever else. Right, like a 10 minute walk a day? Um, love that, okay. So at least we have some some pointers around nervous system care and what that looks like and how to incorporate that, and we have some background around. Thank you for listening to my story. I want to like kind of sharply bring us back, though, to like what we're supposed to be talking about today, which whoever even knows what we're supposed to be talking about around like the like what happened, you know, the, the benefits or the like gifts and rewards of doing all of this work, and the journey pieces and the like landing on the other side piece Like. I just really want that to not get lost either.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So for me personally, I think we talked in the last podcast about how this time of life provides the opportunity to get to know yourself in a way that you never have, if you got to get through the first phases right. So it's like awareness, acknowledgement, acceptance. I'm aware that this might be happening. I'm acknowledging that this is happening, I accept that I'm here. Then you get to the good stuff. So if you're not there yet, that's okay. But those are the first three pieces.
Speaker 1:Once I accepted it I guess I kind of accepted it pretty fast I just woke up one day and was like this is important. This is a thing like we need to learn all about this, but it for me, this is important. This is a thing like we need to learn all about this, but it for me, it helps me come to terms with different body image issues, my entire relationship with my body. That, like the studying perimenopause, just sort of became a natural trajectory for really learning about my body in a whole new way so that allowed me to heal a lot of body stuff, a lot of body trauma things.
Speaker 1:Um, because it's this is something that allowed me to heal a lot of body stuff, a lot of body trauma things, because it's this is something that's happening to our bodies primarily. It's affecting everything, yes, but it's it's in our ovaries, like that's what we're really talking about. No-transcript this, and I want this to go as smoothly as possible. So then I became on the hunt for the right practitioner and now I love going to the doctor. I try to go all the time. It's so supportive and awesome every day and I get to learn all these cool things. So it healed and repaired, sort of like you know my programming around medicine and around western medicine and all that stuff, um, and it. I mean those are kind of the two big ones for me, but those are pretty cool.
Speaker 2:I mean those are huge.
Speaker 2:So are we gonna be, or are we already like those women that I hear and read about that are like never felt better than in my 40s, like I'm loving my 40s, like when I turned 40, people were like maybe not people, but it was definitely stated like oh that was such a great like time or not like, and I was like, oh really, oh really really, and that was before the perimenopause piece was present for me and I do want to um really, I have no other word for this than correct, but I should say something soft like offers different suggestion around what I heard you say, which was you said acknowledgement, awareness, acceptance, and for me that looked a lot more like awareness and then acknowledgement yeah, that's what I meant, like being aware of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, oh my god, is something happening? Oh weird, this is. Oh, wait this. How wait something? This is not like me, something's not like. That was like a thing for, and then it was like and Katie was like perimenopause and I was like, no, fuck that, no. But then there's like that acknowledgement of like wait, I think it might, and then it's like, oh, this is a thing I think someone might be at the door.
Speaker 1:That's a like awareness. I think someone might be here and then being like acknowledgement's, like oh no, that person's like sitting across from me right now. They're actually in the house, right. Acceptance is like I'm going to engage with this thing. Yeah, the steps of it is like something might be oh it's, oh, it's right here. This is, this is real. Okay, let's figure out what's going on. Why? Why are you here If you can?
Speaker 2:move through those phases at whatever pace feels available to you, like when I think what we're speaking to today is like, at least for me, I think you're a little further beyond, but like is that tip of that acceptance, and like with acceptance also comes support right. Like, okay, so somebody's at the door? Okay, somebody's in my house? Okay, well, let me like see what we can do together. Or like how I can make this a good night, even though I have an unexpected visitor. Like I'm going to put some like puff pastry in the oven. Something with puff pastry always, you know like I don't know, that's a weird.
Speaker 2:I think that's the part that gets us to the like never feel better than when, you know. And I think also there's something to like. I'm kind of thinking out loud and piecing it together, but there's something to like. I'm kind of thinking out loud and piecing it together, but there's something to like. It's not a choice and it forces us to make decisions that are just better for us overall, and then therefore, we feel better right.
Speaker 2:So it forces us to maybe come away from the grind or look at certain things or get these other supports or physically do X, Y and Z or have the nervous system care, and then it's like, oh shit, this actually feels really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was thinking yesterday too, like with people that are stuck in resistance to it and are very like short with themselves and kind of punishing themselves for this stuff happening. I was like, with all things, if you, you're going to find out really quick when perimenopause hits whether or not you love yourself and you're gonna find out by the way you respond to what your body's doing and how you treat yourself as a result, um, so if you're in a state of resistance and resentment and like why is this happening? And I tried this solution and it only partially worked, and I'm so annoyed and frustrated and like like what is this? That? Like that resentment, that resistance is tough, it's normal, it won't serve you. And for me, subconsciously, I'm like we got to look at our relationship with if we love our bodies and if we love ourselves, because if those things aren't in place, subconsciously you're going to have a really tough time. When your body starts doing what it's naturally quote supposed to do, you will fight it and that will make this so much harder.
Speaker 2:I hear the fighting it being harder, but I also just it's a big, like pill to swallow or whatever around, like you have to love yourself and love your body, like that's a big ask, you know, and I think it's real big asks it's all well, okay, we do know that subconsciously those things are fairly quick and easy to change and that will make it, the resistance, dissipate a lot.
Speaker 1:So if you are bumping up against that, don't struggle with that fight. Realize that your beliefs, your program rules come from the subconscious and if you change those you'll have an easier time. Just notice the pattern, notice the resistance and know that that comes from the subconscious and that again is relatively quick and easy to change. But the second thing is it's also an opportunity to reflect on how you might not realize how grateful you could should supposed to be for how easy things might have been between you and your body for most of your life. I think people that have struggled with their body and people that have struggled with stuff related to their periods or their cycles or their body in general, might be able to meet this moment a little bit more easily, with less resistance, because it's not so new.
Speaker 1:Right, if it's been smooth and it's been easy, it's like what is this? Why is my body doing this? And I'm so angry, which is again fine and normal. But to me it also speaks to how easy it's been and how lucky you might be and be unaware of how lucky you've been.
Speaker 2:I also feel like this is a good opportunity to slide in, like for those of us that are in perimenopause or adjacent to it, those of us that are in perimenopause or adjacent to it, like hearing you say that makes me think something like how can I say this? Um, clearly and not offensively, I probably can't, but like when we, 20 years from now, looking back at what we have available to us, like be like not getting lost in the presence of this either. So back to the gratitude piece.
Speaker 2:Like I know, that when I'm I think, I know, when I'm like 65, I'm like, oh my gosh, I was so young, then you know, and it feels like, and then it's like we use this language of like oh my god, we're so old, we're 40, or like whatever. And so like capturing the presence of what we have available to us now too, and not just like throwing the baby out with the bath water, of like oh, this shit isn't working, like and just getting super frustrated. Does that kind of make sense? Like, am I being clear? I feel like that has a place in what you just said too, and I feel like that's an important part of like, the acceptance of like, oh, but wait, I still can do all these things, or I still do have all this whateverness. Like that is part of the acceptance of what perimenopause is, because it's so non-linear and so not like succinct yeah, yeah and and like we talked about earlier, it's.
Speaker 1:It's your body forcing you to meet you where you're at and it will continue to do that, because this process is not going to stop.
Speaker 1:It will happen, it will continue and in us, from a self-loving place, learning what those new boundaries are and saying, okay, this is what I can do, this is what I can't. Right now, this is the best time to do that. And so it's adapting. Can I catch up, cognitively and mentally, to what my body's telling me it needs for this next decade or phase of life? And am I willing to do that? And we want to do it with as much love as we would with our 80 year old grandma. We wouldn't be like look at grandma, why can't you faster? What's wrong with you? We would never do do that because it's clear that grandma has certain capabilities. As you go into perimenopause, your body's capabilities and needs are going to change and you have to be willing to meet it where it's at with as much love as you would 80 year old grandma yeah, but for more of like a fabulous vibe, because I'm not.
Speaker 2:That was sweet, though but you.
Speaker 1:Just if we haven't caught up to that, sometimes we need to look at it externally. Would I treat a child this way? Would I treat this nine year old? No, you need to treat yourself with as much compassion.
Speaker 2:Your body's gonna change it just does everything changes is what they say. I still haven't really wrapped my subconscious healing around loving change, but it's the nostalgia, sentimental piece of me that always, like, keeps these threads out. Um, but like also, I don't want to be 26, you want to be 26 like who wants to be 26? No offense to our 26 year olds, we love you. But like I did that, did it actually remarkably well. I didn't know how well it was. Remarkably well. That is for another podcast. And like and or even 36, right, like again. So I think that's that helps me. Like I have gratitude and nostalgia and I also have appreciation for what this is and what this is also comes with maybe slowing down some or being more aware or being more patient or embracing, like the inner, outer grandma parts around needing some compassion and space. Like it's a package deal.
Speaker 2:So I think keeping keeping the eye on the package too is important and not getting, like I said, like hyper focused or frustrated in one thing and not muddying everything else up yeah that's kind of what I'm speaking to and I'm like, oh, like 40 is great, like there's this part and that part and like, now that I have this acceptance, like I can kind of see the whole picture. So I think, I don't know, I think there's that piece to it yeah, I think that's a big one.
Speaker 1:I think for a lot of people we talked about before having that diminished bandwidth or things shifting in our body like we literally just can't with other stuff. That's frivolous, like it, we get focused on what needs attention and then in that we realize these other things we're paying attention to are just not that important. Why, why am I putting my energy there? And so that's sort of a natural, happy byproduct of this too. It's like, oh, I literally couldn't do all these other things or continue to invest in all these other relationships, and it turns out a lot of them I wasn't really getting a positive feedback from, so wasn't where I needed to be anyway, and so it kind of clears out a lot of the bullshit, because we just can't I quite literally not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we cannot and we choose not to, or something. I do feel that there's like a general overall, there's more freedom or spaciousness, and maybe that's also comes with those of us that are moms, like kids getting older, which is like at once heartbreaking and freeing. It's like this really weird dichotomous feeling, um, because, like, when I think about like the grind of small children, I, I, that's like something I don't want to go back to and but I like miss it. It's weird. So I think this perspective of like having a little more, almost the word, is like autonomy. Autonomy over the relationships we choose, autonomy over our schedules in some way, or at least our physical time and space, um, autonomy over like decisions we make, autonomy over how we care for ourselves, like that feels like the word. Is that the word that we were looking for? Oh, my God, we found it. It was here all along.
Speaker 1:And it's what happens in second puberty. In first puberty it's the same thing. I'm relearning my body. I have more autonomy at this age. I'm getting a driver's license. I have more autonomy here. It's our second coming of autonomy.
Speaker 2:Things are really If we embrace it as such, right, if we, if we embrace it as such, right, yeah, no, you're so right. It is the second coming of autonomy. You're so right. Yeah, for some, for most people, a lot of people, there's maybe some financial autonomy too, or just like whatever. There's an absence of some of the other in between young adult stuff that is really interesting, yeah, so embracing autonomy, accepting what's happening, um, kind of that acknowledgement with grace and compassion for the body and for the present moment, and then like supporting all of that and then more with nervous system care, did I get all of the main ones?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely yeah. You're either supporting yourself in this or you're you're masking it, and so the nervous system care is our antidote, as opposed to like upping alcohol intake, like adding more to your plate to stay distracted, those kinds of things. So just be aware of what you turn to um and know that there are other options, and it's never too late to learn those things. Um and like to.
Speaker 2:It doesn't have to start huge, I think, yeah, 10 minutes. Yeah, you're either. What did you say? You're either something or masking it. I think that's like a really good way to put it either turning toward it or you're masking what's happening.
Speaker 1:it's happening either. To put it, either turning towards it or you're masking what's happening. It's happening either way. So you're either supportive of yourself or you're masking it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you're celebrating when you get to two days a month, when you feel fantastic More than two days, more than two days.
Speaker 1:The initial mayhem of it. I feel like we've we've worked through, you know. I feel like we're really getting the hang of riding this second puberty bike and like now we're like, oh, we can go outside the neighborhood a little bit. We're ringing our bell as opposed to being like, how the fuck do I get on this thing? What is this? Why is this? The only way I can get around. I'm not using this, I'm not doing it. I don't want to do this, okay, and then I'm just gonna walk. I'm just gonna walk. Oh, my legs don't work. I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 2:I'm never leaving the house again. That's a really good way to put it. We are on the bike. Are we on a tandem bike? That's fun. I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Driving around the neighborhood on a tandem bike, ringing the bell and letting people know there's hope. We're just hope dealers. Here's a little little free food I love pom-poms.
Speaker 2:I love pom-poms, a little glitter Fanfare yes.
Speaker 1:It's going to be okay. We need a graphic for that.
Speaker 2:It's actually a really cute logo. Yeah, well, just ask like AI will make it. They probably already just made it. It just made it because it heard us say it.
Speaker 1:It's made. It's plastic glitter Very cute.
Speaker 2:Glitter for, also for like celebration of the new year, because I think that we're, you know, new year, new mindset, new hope, honestly, not to be like so cheesy around it, but like a hopefulness. I think that we bring messages of hope from our fandom like that's right, we have some really good days and some really good things happening that we didn't have before.
Speaker 1:Messages on our tandem bike. It's like the hope of goodness, but like way better.
Speaker 2:We're not going to come in. Don't worry what is happening. We're losing it. Okay, happy holidays from a hopeful place.
Speaker 1:Happy New Year, right. Happy New Year. Happy holidays from a hopeful place. Happy new year, right. Happy new year. Happy holidays from your hope dealers. Okay, let me bye. We hope you enjoyed today's episode and, as usual, if you did, please give us a like, a share and a follow. We also have an upcoming midlife mayhem women's group and a follow. We also have an upcoming Midlife Mayhem Women's Group. It's a six-week group that will be every Monday night from 7 to 8 30 pm EST, beginning on January 13th. This Midlife Mayhem Women's Group is going to be focused on you guessed it all things midlife mayhem. It's going to be a virtual group so you can join from anywhere and if you're interested in joining, check out the show notes for the link. Happy holidays.
