You Don’t Have to Prove It: Confidence and the Inner Critic | Season 6 Ep. 4

We explore why imposter syndrome shows up even when we are qualified and how the inner critic can distort what confidence really is. We connect emotional intelligence to practical tools that help us move from proving ourselves to leading with clarity. 
• reflection on feeling the need to prove ourselves despite experience 
• personal examples of self-doubt in new spaces and learning to anchor in values 
• how mentorship and direct feedback can strengthen confidence over time 
• three common parts of imposter syndrome and why it affects high achievers 
• why imposter feelings are often about self-management more than skill gaps 
• prompts to identify the story behind the inner critic and where it comes from 
• naming the “imposter monster” to create distance and build compassion 
• using the GAP plan goals action proof to track progress and build self-trust 
• closing reminder that clarity and emotional regulation support authentic leadership

Transcript

Welcome And Reflection Question

Johanna 0:00

Welcome back, everyone, to episode four of season six. You don't have to prove it, confidence and the inner critic. We're really packing, unpacking emotional intelligence and how it shapes leadership. And today's focus is all about imposter syndrome, the inner critic, and what real confidence looks like. So many leaders assume confidence means fearlessness, but in reality, you don't need to be fearless. You just need to be clear. Katie, who said that? Clear is kind. Do you remember? Was that Bernard Brown? To be clear is to be kind. So clarity is the foundation of emotional intelligence. And it begins with self-awareness, which we've repeated many times in the previous episodes. So here is a reflection question. We always like to start off with a reflection question. Do you ever feel like you have to prove yourself even when you are already qualified, even when you know you're already qualified? Okay, Katie, why don't you uh I'll hand it over to you and you can dive deeper into well first I was gonna say do you want to share any initial thoughts?

Katie 1:17

Yeah, like because I I feel like yes, in terms of like I I feel like I'd love your thoughts on that in terms of the proving yourself when you're qualified.

Johanna 1:25

Right. I was just gonna get right into imposter syndrome.

Katie 1:28

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Johanna 1:30

I'm getting more confident as time goes on, and and I've been a business owner for more years than than less right now, and and I'm kind of getting the hang of it. Yeah, but there's still moments where I feel like my confidence is isn't as high, especially when I'm going to uh experiencing something new. So this this year I committed to do a whole bunch of new things, really venture outside of my comfort zone. And I was in new spaces that I hadn't been in before with new people. And a part of me felt like I needed to. But because of my years of experience, I understood also that if I was just if I presented myself in an authentic way and I was guided by my purpose and my values, which is the anchor and the lighthouse, that

Proving Yourself In New Spaces

Johanna 2:15

people would really get to know me and my credibility would shine on its own. Not maybe not initially, but over a quick period of time, I think uh who I am would would be true and clear, right? If clear is what we're really focusing on today. And so I've learned to master that and kind of work through it quickly. And so I haven't found myself in a place where I'm so uncomfortable, I really feel underqualified that it prevents me from doing something. I haven't, I'm trying to be more self-aware of that and and not hold myself back because I understand by doing so I miss out on so many amazing opportunities.

Katie 2:53

Well, that was really well put. And I think you've been a good example for me and like a good role model for me of like you just you take it on, you put yourself out there. Obviously, you're a human, so you have moments where yeah, you may doubt yourself, but I feel like it's been really great in the years I've worked with you to watch you as like a female entrepreneur and in different situations, just like going for it. It's helped me a lot. So oh, good.

Johanna 3:13

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I I lack grace when I attempt something new, and my anxiety comes out. Like I've mentioned it earlier in the podcast that uh self-management is something I'm working on. And when I look back, I'm like, I didn't have to be that anxious, I didn't have to be that freaked out. Like I worked through it, but my initial reaction is to get really stressed. And sometimes I wonder if you perceive me as weak.

Katie 3:38

Really? Like, oh boy, another therapeutic session for getting enjoyed on the podcast. That's so funny. No, I think you're so authentic and you care a lot. Like you don't mess around, like you take the level of like excellence and everything you do so seriously. So with that comes maybe some like anxiousness, but that's because you care a lot and you're not like messing around. That's how I see it. Oh, thank you. Wow. I I just thought you knew I felt that way.

Johanna 4:07

That's more of a me thing than a you thing.

Katie 4:09

Yeah, interesting.

Johanna 4:11

I feel great hearing that. Thank you.

Katie 4:12

This is nice to be able to talk about it. No, I really mean that. And I've shared with you, even, you know, I don't always feel like I had a lot of really strong mentors or role models. Like I just think, yes, there's people who've been influential when I look at how they lead others, but until we started working together, I hadn't really felt I'd experienced it in this kind of like meaningful of a way. That's awesome. Yeah. So I think just I'll share a real quick build off that. I mean, I think you've also helped me come through. I was reflecting as you were talking on like all the things in the last few years where I felt like I'm overcoming some of my maybe needing to prove myself in one arena. And then I'm like, okay, I figured it out, like grad school. Like for a long time I didn't feel that I belonged there or was smart enough. And then as I got through and you were there, it's kind of the finish line helping me get to like defending my thesis. So then I get through that and I go, okay, great. I've figured that one out. And then in some of the work we did, like it was the first time I was maybe leading certain projects or really embracing the title of like, I'm a consultant here to consult. Like I had to get kind of on board there. And I'm thinking, even the podcast, we're writing a book, like those were sort of hats or labels that I felt very unqualified for. And you, I think, nicely like pushed me to do it. And even your directness of even not showing any doubt in me, and I'm like, well, you wouldn't, because of the excellence you have for what you do, wouldn't throw me into something that you felt was gonna like destroy your company. So I just think you know, all these things that I've sort of over the years had to believe I belong there, you've helped a lot.

Johanna 5:44

Oh, I appreciate that.

Katie 5:45

Yeah.

Johanna 5:45

Ah, that means a lot too. Oh, yeah, I would never ask you. You've done my belief in you and your ability to do these things is built on what you've done and and your track record of also excellence and delivering high quality, exceptional work. And and we shared a a super an academic graduate supervisor, and she said the same thing about you. Like that's nice, not a lot of people are like you in terms of the level of excellence and performance, you know, that you can deliver on. So that's why I'm like, oh yeah, Katie can do this. I've never had any doubts.

Katie 6:20

Well, and at the beginning, I remember thinking that supervisor is like, well, maybe she doesn't really know. Like, what if I and then when yeah, she sent me up to you. I'm like, what if I, you know, I will disappoint both of them at some point when they're like, oh, she's not that good. But we've, you know, we've, yeah, that it's nice to be able to talk about this stuff. Absolutely. Okay. Well, on that very uh lovely little reflection for the both of us, I'll ease into just talk briefly about imposter syndrome. And we talk about this in many of our programs. Uh, I think it's a term we're all pretty familiar with, but it's been around. I was doing a little bit of research since the late 70s, and the original researchers had kind of three parts to this imposter syndrome uh term. So not feeling good enough is one, attributing achievements to external forces or luck is the second component. And the last one is this fear of being found out as a phony. So I think those three really, for me anyways, stand out when different people share what their imposter syndrome looks like. And it's so common, we know this. I've seen all sorts of different stats, but 82% of people, including many high-achieving leaders, experience uh imposter syndrome. That's again, I've seen different data points, but it's really the takeaway. Most of us at some point have felt like uh an imposter. So here's the catch and how we can connect this to emotional intelligence. Imposter syndrome isn't about lacking skills. I think some of us hyperfixate on then, okay, I don't feel like I

What Imposter Syndrome Really Is

Katie 7:43

belong here or I'm good enough or smart or whatever. So I'm gonna go to town on, I just need to fix my skills. But it's really about self-management. How are we regulating our thoughts, emotions, and fears in some of those high-stakes moments? How are we responding to that inner sort of critic or that those stories that are internally really driving us? So emotional intelligence can help shift confidence from chasing perfection to practicing progress. I think that's a really key point. And that true confidence grows through those small acts of courage, consistency, not waiting until we magically feel ready or that we've figured it out. I think the more I learn as I move through my career progression is like wherever we all are along the journey. And we've had the privilege of working with or coaching or interviewing on the podcast some like really powerful leaders who have had a ton of experience and they still talk about experiencing imposter syndrome. So like we're all going through it. Um, but I like this idea of the confidence and emotional awareness and regulation as a way to help move through it, not just I need more training or I need more time.

Johanna 8:44

Absolutely. I had I remember one participant in the program wanted to go for a promotion, but she was holding herself back and she wanted to wait five years, although she had acted in the position for at least two. Right. Yeah. And I'm like, you're already doing the job. Why do you need to wait five more years when you've been acting in this position consistently for two years? And the posture syndrome was really taking a hold of her. Right. And she was using it as an excuse to not try it because of this fear of a failure. And honestly, I think, you know, one of like I I joined a board. I I was lucky, I was fortunate enough to be elected to be on this board. And I hold held myself back from being on a board for the longest time because of the fear that I would fail, right? So I get it, but yeah, oh, what we miss out on in terms of opportunities.

Katie 9:34

Yeah. Well, and that's where it's like it's those small acts of doing that, even like that will help to motivate. We're not waiting to suddenly be like motivated or or prepared or ready. It's like by doing the things we will feel more prepared, right? Prepared.

Johanna 9:48

And I think doing acting stints were those small steps towards right. So just be cognizant of that and give yourself credit for that.

Katie 9:55

Absolutely. Yeah. So I'll move to the next reflection. And there's a fun thing I wanted to share that I uh learned about in a webinar over the last few months this idea of an imposter monster and naming our imposter monster, kind of fun. So imposter feelings often sneak in through the stories we tell ourselves about who we need to be, what we should be doing as leaders. So there's an opportunity here to pause and ask ourselves, what story is my inner critic repeating right now? I think imposter syndrome is a little different in terms of what it's telling us to each of us. So, what story is your inner critic repeating right now? When you're being hard on yourself, what are you saying? And where did that belief come from? Like, dig a bit deeper. Where is this coming from? Uh, in your own experience, maybe from your team, is there's some piece of your organization's culture? Like, where is that coming from? Be curious to consider that. And how does listening to that critic shape how you show up? Maybe that's holding you back, maybe that kind of keeps you from trying certain things. Consider that.

Naming The Inner Critic

Katie 11:03

And this is where the idea of the imposter monster comes in. And maybe you've heard of this. These parts of us aren't out to destroy us, this inner critic, imposter monster, we can call it. They are trying to protect us. And even the example you gave by saying, no, I'm gonna wait, I need more years, because I'm going to then be more prepared in a year or two or five when I go for the next promotion, that's self-protective. Like then I don't need to risk failing or not getting it and then feeling really bad about myself if I don't go for it. Like that might even unconsciously be something that's in place to protect you. So having a little compassion uh to understand not only where this imposter monster may have come from, but that it has probably been there for a reason and has maybe served you in the past, maybe not anymore. So, yeah, it's part of us trying to protect us. If we don't notice it, it'll take over. And I think that's what holds a lot of us back when it comes to imposter syndrome. So sometimes to help make this a little less scary or overwhelming, uh, naming the imposter monster has been said. This isn't a thing I'm inventing. This is like a thing. Naming it can help you have a bit more control over it and understand it. So I attended this webinar and they had everyone kind of like be be kind of fun and clever and creative with naming it. And people had, I was trying to remember some of them. They were really funny. So, like, perfecta the perfectionist is maybe your inner imposter monster. So maybe that's where you go. Maybe it's like doubtful Debbie, and that's who comes in. Like, there's a different flavor for each of us. So I want to give everyone a chance to think about like what would you name your imposter monster that really gets at the core of what that flavor of self-doubt is for you. So I want to give you a thought. I'm curious what might come up for you, Joanna. I'll share a few thoughts I had, but I'm still kind of working through even like getting at the core of what is really at the deep root of the narrative that goes on in my head, because there's a few things at play. What do you think of this whole imposter monster thing?

Johanna 13:02

Well, as I mentioned in an earlier episode, I'm listening to the book The Anxious Achiever. Yes. And Mora, the author, she says, because she's done a deep dive in this uh on this topic specifically. Okay, cool. And she said the exact same things like you like, where does this come from? Was it maybe past experience with an um an employer, a boss, a colleague? She she can trace it back to an experience with a boss, she can trace it back to experiences as a student, but the core were her experiences as a child. Uh, and so she actually can walk, talk through exactly this various experiences that she had as a child, from uh even like her parents' divorce and how that impacted her to who she is today. And so I think there's definitely value in trying to understand where that comes from for sure, because obviously the more self-awareness you have of it, the better able you are to identify it, see it coming, and regulate it. And she also talks about naming it something too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've I named uh when we teach our participants about the fixed and the growth mindset. Yeah, my gross mindset has a name and my fixed mindset has a name. I'm not gonna share the name of my fixed mindset

Tracing The Story To Its Roots

Johanna 14:08

just in case this person is listening. I named it after somebody I know. Oh, juicy. This person I have a complex relationship with because this individual wanted to be very helpful, especially when I launched my business, but also said some things that I found were really discouraging and just really fed into my impostor syndrome and my impostor monster. And but over time has been really consistent in being present and wanting to support. So overall, this is a great person and I value having them in my life. But at that time, I didn't appreciate some of the comments that they were sharing with me. And so I named my my fixed mindset or my impostor monster after this individual. And I think I think I named my growth mindset person uh after my first name, which is Alice. But um, if I had to come up with a cool name, I don't know, maybe it would be Anxious Alex, because it's all about my anxiety that prevents me from taking risks trying new things. Yourself? But I still have to do a deeper dive in like where this comes from. Yeah.

Katie 15:09

Me too. And you know what? So again, we're writing a book and I'm reviewing some of the chapters I wrote a little while ago, and I bring this idea in, and I kind of flagged it as a like, you need to go deeper, like come back to later, because I I really think I need to reflect and go a bit more like where is some of this coming from? So I think some of the themes for me are like there's probably like a worthiness piece because some of it's about being heard or taking up space or like feeling like what I'm saying is both like important and that people are hearing me. So there's kind of like a bit there that I want to explore a bit more, and sort of this like, no, like I I have things to say. I am valuable, I am worthy. Um so I don't know if it's like a doubtful Debbie or something around, like there's a quiet part of me that's maybe not saying what I need to say that gets kind of triggered. So I don't know. I need to reflect a bit more, but those are some of the themes. Um and I think there's some early experiences that probably are tied to that. So more, more to come on that. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, hopefully, uh, listener, you were able to reflect uh a little bit on this idea of imposter syndrome, some of those stories in in your head, and have some fun playfulness around naming it, because there is some power that comes with that and some clarity and some self-awareness. Uh so with that, I'll turn it to you, Joanna for our from the course segment.

Johanna 16:33

Awesome. All right. So one of the most practical and I'd say powerful tools that's embedded in the course is called our gap plan. So gap has meaning, but it's also an acronym, right? So the gap is like identifying what gaps you have and diligently working on improving them, right? What are some goals that you want to set for yourself? What's the action that you're going to take to achieve those goals? And what proof or evidence are you going to collect over time to demonstrate that you're achieving success in these goals? So that's what gap stands for: goals, action, and proof. And if you rem remember, and I'm maybe this is uh another self-reflection question, but when we talked about the four domains and we talked about goal setting, what domain does that fall under? If you can recall, if you said self-management, you're correct. Self-management isn't just understanding what your triggers are and being able to regulate your emotions, it's being able to set goals for yourself and achieve them, right? And so this fits nicely within that domain of emotional intelligence. So goal. Here's an example. Let's walk you through this. When imposter

The GAP Plan For Confidence

Johanna 17:39

monster tells you you're not enough, the gap plan encourages you to set a concrete uh growth goal. So instead of a vague sense of doubt, you create a specific area you want to strengthen, like building confidence and presenting your ideas in team meetings, right? Or action perhaps looks something like this. So imposter syndrome feeds on inaction and overthinking. Absolutely does. Rumination. I always say that if there was an Olympic sport for rumination, I would always get the gold, right? Yeah. So the gap plan helps you commit to small intentional actions that build competence and confidence, like practicing with a trusted colleague or preparing two key points before the meeting. So this really enhances your self-determination to achieve something of or success in your life, right? Proof may be one of the hallmarks of imposter syndrome is discounting your achievements. But the gap plan can flip that by asking you to capture evidence of your progress. So proof might be feedback you receive, a successful project, a milestone that you achieved, or even noticing how much calmer you felt the second time you spoke up. So by cycling through goal action proof, leaders move from self-doubt to self-trust. And the gap plan becomes a practical way to remind yourself, I don't need to prove I'm perfect. I can track how I'm growing one step at a time. And so we get all of our, even when we embed this in our bespoke customized leadership programs, we have all the participants do a gap plan or what we call as a leadership strategy, right? Whether you're a formal or informal leader, this is something that you can do that will really enhance your self-management and self-awareness and probably make you a really good role model for others. So let's wrap up today's episode. So confidence isn't about silencing the inner critic. That would probably be impossible, but it's about being aware of it. It's about regulating your response and choosing a story that serves you. Emotional intelligence builds confidence through all four domains: knowing yourself, managing yourself, tuning into others, and leading relationships with authenticity, which goes back to your leadership compass. That's how leaders move from proving to truly leading. So we want to thank you for listening today. Our next episode, which is our final episode, is about leading with emotional intelligence, integration, and intention. So thank you for listening today, and we look forward to tackling the next issue with you.