Nervous to talk about sex?

Covering some more "pain points" and struggles I've seen inexperienced guys go through.

How to Get Laid in 6 Weeks (Even if You're a Virgin/Inexperienced): https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/i/12ig0

CONSENT: The Simplest Guide You'll Ever Read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q6NeQ7E1GA

Previous episodes in this series:
Part 1: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/14029818
Part 2: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/14030235
Part 3: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/14030726
Part 4: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/14032871
Part 5: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/14033466

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🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello you wonderful people. Andy, here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy. If I can do it, you sure as Hell can too. So this is part four in a probably it's going to be a five part series, talking about Some pain points and some struggles that guys go through when they don't feel like they have as much sexual Experience as they want. Or maybe you're a virgin, and these are some of the common pain points and struggles that I've seen Happen, you know, with my coaching clients, with myself when I was younger, with my friends and people like that. So I'll leave links in the description to all of the previous episodes so you can go and listen to those. I really recommend you start with the first one and the second one and the third one and then come back to this, because a lot of the stuff that I'm going to talk about here and the advice I'm going to give is going to rely on you having listened to those first three. So go back and listen to them and then come back here and let's get started. All right, so the next pain point that we're going to tackle is difficulty communicating with Sexual partners or any woman that you're on a date with, about your desires, about your preferences, and really just like a difficulty in talking about sex at all.

Speaker 1: 1:12

When I hadn't had a lot of sexual experience, I found even just talking about sex really terrifying. You know those, all this sort of fear of like judgment. What if they think I am Perverted, which is, you know, creepy? Creepy is the male Version of being called a slut. Right, you know, women are afraid of being called a slut or a whore or too easy. Men are afraid of being called creepy or dirty or perverted or, you know, bad or any of that kind of stuff. So I had all of these hesitations and fears around even broaching the topic of sex and I wanted to talk about it because sex was something that was important to me. It was something that I really wanted.

Speaker 1: 1:52

I didn't feel like I was satisfied with my sex life. I didn't feel like I was satisfied with my dating life and I wanted to improve it. I didn't know how to go about that and I really didn't know how to talk about it. I didn't know how to talk about it with women. I didn't know how to talk about it with any of my friends, so I just didn't for most of my life until I found the good-looking loser website and the good-looking loser forums, and then I started, and Caleb Jones and Mark Manson and a few other people, and I started actually prioritizing my sex life and then being able to talk to it, and so the answer here, if you want to talk about sex with friends or with People that you're on dates with or you know potential sexual partners, is just give yourself permission to suck at the start. It's okay if you're nervous and awkward, it's okay if you feel a little weird about it, it's okay to be scared of being creepy or any of that kind of stuff, but give yourself permission to suck.

Speaker 1: 2:45

You don't have to be smooth. You're probably not going to be smooth when you talk about these topics. You might be a little bit clumsy and I say just embrace that. You can literally just say Yo, I don't really know how to talk about this. I really want to talk about this, but like I feel like no one ever talks about this, let's talk about sex. I got questions for you about sex. I want to talk about sex. I don't even know what the fuck I want to talk about sex like what in particular? But I just I want to talk about sex. Can we talk about sex and just go from there?

Speaker 1: 3:13

You know, one thing that helped me when I first started talking about sex was I would kind of ease my way into it. You know, when I was with friends or if I was on a date with someone, I would start by just saying Do you have any interesting dating stories? Or tell me about your dating life. Or have you ever met anyone interesting that you've dated? And I would just kind of go from there. Or if I was meeting women from Tinder, I would say you know, do you have any interesting Tinder stories? Like, what's your most interesting Tinder story? Have you met anyone cool from Tinder? I would start with that conversation. I'd say have you met anyone weird and interesting from Tinder? And pretty much everyone has their own interesting story. You know, probably the most interesting or the funniest one I ever heard was a woman had met this guy and for two hours on the date he just talked about trains like nothing else but trains and how many different types of trains there were and all the different models of Trains that he liked, and he was just obsessed with trains and she was being too polite, or maybe she was just too Nervous to say I'm not really interested in trains, and so for just two hours this guy talked about trains. So you can hear all sorts of like really interesting stories right from people's dating lives and you can kind of share some of your interesting stories.

Speaker 1: 4:27

Or if you don't have a lot of experience, you know, if you're a virgin you can just kind of own that and say, no, I'll be honest, I don't have a lot of experience, but I'm super keen to meet new people. I'm putting myself out there. You know, I'm on a mission to meet more people and really socialize and, you know, have some romance, have a little bit of sex and intimacy. Yeah, I'm just really excited to do all this stuff. You know, there's this whole world here that I never really prioritized because I was busy doing other stuff or you know, whatever reason. But Embrace the fact that you're not super experienced and that you're keen this is the key point that you're keen to get more experience. This is what I've gotten all of my virgin clients to do.

Speaker 1: 5:05

I think at this point I or we, I guess the coaching program we've worked with, I Don't know it feels like frickin, like 20 virgin guys might be more than that, it's probably like 30. I don't know, it's a, it's a lot of people. There's plenty of those like interviews with a lot of them. On my channel, on my YouTube channel, you can just there's a playlist called client interviews and if you click that you'll see there's like I don't know 10 or 15 interviews with guys that were clients, that were virgin sorry, and and what I get all of them to do is just embrace the fact that they don't have a lot of experience and I get them to just say that to the women and, like I said, the key point that I drill into them is and be enthusiastic about it.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Don't just say like, oh, I don't have much experience. Say I don't have much experience and I'm so excited to learn, because then you get her excited. She's like, oh, that sounds cool. Like, damn, like maybe even I can help you get some more experience, that'd be fun. Like, let's do that together, that sounds awesome. You want to learn how to pleasure me. You want to learn different toys. You want to learn different techniques. You want to explore and man, that sounds cool. Yeah, I'd love to do that. I'd love to get more a sexual experience myself and maybe we can help each other now You're on the same team. You can help each other with that lack of sexual experience, or you can help each other with wanting to try a Bunch of different stuff and you can have fun with it.

Speaker 1: 6:18

And All of this stuff applies if you want to talk to friends or anyone else about, you know, getting more experience. If you want to open up to some of your friends and say, look, I'm, you know, inexperienced or I'm actually a virgin, you know you can just give yourself permission to suck with that stuff and if it makes it easier for you, you can kind of have a conversation around it. You don't have to just blurt out, by the way, I'm really unhappy with my sex life and I'm a virgin and I haven't had much experience and fuck like. You don't have to Just blurt that out to your friends or anybody else. You can just kind of broach the topic gently. You know you can go one step at a time, little baby steps, and you can say, yo, like we never really talk about this, but how much sexual experience do you have? Like, do you have any? Like wild dating stories or some shit? We can even just say like, look, dude, I kind of want to open up to you. I haven't had a massive amount of sexual experience. And then they might be like, well, how much is how much have you had? And then you can kind of be like Not a lot. And then they can be like, well, how much is not a lot? You can be like I'm kind of a virgin, you know. You know it's fine if you're nervous with these conversations.

Speaker 1: 7:25

This, by the way, is the way that a lot of women that I have dated and that image and I have dated and slept with together A lot of them who are virgins they say it exactly like that, because women get inexperienced about being a virgin to. That might seem insane to a lot of you, but A lot of women are insecure about the fact that they don't have a lot of experience, because they're worried that they'll do a bad job or they're worried that they won't know what to do. They really scared. It's like a fear of the unknown, right like Just in the same way that if you're inexperienced or a virgin, you have a strong fear of like fuck, what if I get into the bedroom and I don't know what to do? That's exactly how the women feel. Why wouldn't they feel like that? Of course they feel like that, and so plenty of the virgin girls that I, or the image and I, have slept with together, the way that they've told us is exactly what I just said before. You know.

Speaker 1: 8:14

They will say, um, is it okay if, like you know, I haven't had like a ton of experience? And then will be like, sure, that's fine. Like we don't judge, everyone's got to start somewhere. How much experience have you had? And they're like I'm not a lot. And then we say, well, how much is not a lot? Like what stuff have you done? And they're like, well, not really much of anything. And then you say, are you a virgin? Have you done? Like nothing. And they're like, yeah, is that okay? And you like, yeah, that's fine. Like you got to start somewhere. Like what stuff would you like to try? What's like we can go nice and slow, we can try different things. We'll start with a casual coffee and just hang out the first time and talk, and so that's the way that lots of them have said it to us. It's very like baby step. They don't just blood out. By the way, I'm a virgin, you know. They kind of like, gently, get their way towards it, and you're allowed to do the same thing. If you want to talk about this stuff with potential sexual partners you know, women you're on a date with, or if you want to talk about this with your friends or your family, you can kind of go little baby steps and be gentle with it.

Speaker 1: 9:10

I wrote an article called honesty is an ideal that you work towards, and the point I made in the article was if you're trying to be more honest which we are just talking about honesty here I like we're talking about opening up, I guess, which is the same thing If you want to open up more or be more honest. That's sort of something that you can get better at with practice. You don't have to, just right now, blurt out the gods honest truth and just laid all out there on the table. Like. It took me a long time to be able to get to a point where I can open up and be completely honest. It was a lot of practice and I did exactly what I'm telling you guys that you can do, which is I would take little baby steps and I would almost drop little nuggets of truth. I would just try being a little bit honest, a little bit up front. Just, I would say one little nugget of truth and see how they reacted to that. And if that went okay, then I would drop another little nugget of truth and I would slowly just start opening up, like in little bite size pieces, so that I didn't feel like I would get you know, I didn't feel like I was being too vulnerable all at once because that was terrifying to me. I am now in the position where I can just fully fucking be open and honest, you know, and I can jump on youtube and even though it's scary, I can do a video saying, hey, I went to jail when I was nineteen and I can just lay that out. And I can say, hey, I cheated on my first and second girlfriend a lot when I was young. You know, I can just lay all that out there. But that took me a lot of practice to be able to get to that point. I couldn't have done that three years ago. I couldn't have done that two years ago.

Speaker 1: 10:40

And so you're allowed to improve at your honesty and your openness by just taking those little baby steps and dropping those little nuggets of truth, those little nuggets of honesty, and just see how the other person reacts. And if the other person doesn't have a positive reaction, you're allowed to stop right there. You know you don't have to keep being honest if they give you a negative reaction. You know, without knowing the circumstances, but my general response would be I probably wouldn't spend time. I probably wouldn't recommend you spend time with someone who has a really negative reaction to your honesty. Okay, cuz you're basically saying to you I want you to lie to me and lying doesn't really feel good for us. So, generally speaking, I wouldn't spend time with someone who had a very negative reaction to your honesty or your little nugget of truth. But Most people have a positive reaction, maybe even just a neutral reaction, like they don't carry the way, they just like, oh, that's cool, like Just a normal reaction. But yeah, you're allowed to drop these little nuggets of truth and take baby steps towards that open communication, especially with your lack of sexual experience.

Speaker 1: 11:43

Alright, so another pain point or struggle that I see a lot with inexperienced guys is when they do get to the bedroom, when they do get to the point of sex. They either struggle to Orgasm or they don't really feel much sensation, or they're just, you know to in their own head to actually be present and enjoy the thing. And what I say here is the same thing I say for if you have a rectile dysfunction, you know, if you can't get hard or you have anxiety around doing a good job or performance anxiety is, I promise it will get better the more that you practice. And this might be one of those things where it just gets better by doing the thing. It kind of takes care of itself, especially if we're talking about a lack of pleasure or you know a feeling like you just can't orgasm or you can't be present. You know, maybe it feels good or you're feeling a little bit of sensation, but you can't. Just you really can't be present, you can't concentrate. I promise that as you get more comfortable, as you get a little bit out of your own head, you'll be able to concentrate on what's happening, you'll be able to be present, you'll take away a lot of the Expectations on yourself to orgasm, to do a good job, all of that kind of stuff, because you'll just be comfortable with the person.

Speaker 1: 12:56

And so if you are going through this, if you can, I would really recommend that you find someone that's willing to see you multiple times. You know, maybe you guys can date casually, maybe you can see each other, for you know however long you want to see each other for. But I would see someone that, as best you can, you can see for quite a while, because you get so much more comfortable with one person the more you see them, rather than if you're going out and having a new partner every weekend or something. Nothing wrong with having new partners. Obviously, I've dated and slept with a lot of women hundreds at this point. But if you're having difficulty really feeling that pleasure or really feeling comfortable during sex or really feeling like it actually, you know you can be present and you can feel something I would recommend. If you can find someone that wants to see you multiple times and, by the way, like most women will see you multiple times, that's kind of the default right.

Speaker 1: 13:50

Most people don't want a one night stand or they don't want something that's just a casual fling. So you know, screen for that, put that in your bio on Tinder or just when you meet, people just say, hey, what are you looking for? Here's what I'm looking for. I'd like to see someone you know, fairly casual but fairly ongoing, and you know we can be friends with benefits or, you know, maybe I want a girlfriend, whatever the hell you want, right. But make it clear that you want to see someone more than just a couple of times, because you want practice and you want to be present.

Speaker 1: 14:17

And you can be very honest about this as well, like if you're in your own head and you're feeling like you can't concentrate and you can't be present and you can't actually feel anything During sex because you're too nervous or you're too in your own head or you're too worried about the fact that you can't feel any pleasure. You can just be honest about that and Just literally say, like look, sometimes I get in my own head and so the first couple of times we have sex, you know, I might not do a good job and I might not feel much of anything and I might have some nervousness and you know, maybe my dick won't get hard or whatever, but I want to have fun with you. I want to try some different stuff. You know, let's just be nice to each other and patient to each other. I'll be patient to you, you be patient to me, and we'll get more comfortable. We'll try some stuff and we'll have fun. You know you phrase it in a positive, upbeat way, phrase it in like I'm excited and I can't wait to explore this with you, kind of way, and I promise that you will feel more comfortable the more you practice, especially, like I said with the same partner, if it is an actual Physiological thing which you can't really know until you just try a bunch of different stuff like, but if it is like you physically Can't feel any pleasure, one of the things that you might want to try is not jerking off or looking at less porn.

Speaker 1: 15:27

A lot of the time, the Decrease in sensation or the lack of sensation is from just watching too much porn or just jerking your dick off way too much. So try doing it a little bit less and see if that makes a difference. So if right now you look at porn, you know, every two days or something, try going four days without looking at porn and see if that makes a difference. Or if every day you jerk off, you know, try using a flashlight, for instance, because that has helped a lot of people. Actually, surprisingly, quite a few of my clients use a flashlight, which is just. It's a toy that basically helps you masturbate, and Using that they've just found because you're not gripping your dick as hard. The flashlight doesn't actually grip your dick as hard. You kind of restore a little bit of sensation to your penis, and that can take a few months. By the way, like, don't expect overnight magic with any of these sort of things.

Speaker 1: 16:17

This can be to some extent something that you just try a bunch of Different things and play around and slowly figure out how to feel more pleasure, how to feel more present. But a lot of the time it is just psychological. It's that you're in your own head, you're too nervous, you're worried. You know you have a lot on your mind. You, you don't have a lot of experience and you're nervous. Like, of course it's going to be hard to be or it might be difficult to be present, and so it can get better with practice. But you can try some of the physiological things as well.

Speaker 1: 16:45

For some people they feel a lot of pleasure when they're the one doing it to themselves. Like if they're with a woman and they're jerking off, like they jerk themselves off, they feel all the same pleasure they normally would like. It feels great. But then if she tries giving them a handjob or she's giving them a blowjob, or during sex they feel like very little sensation. That's really common and most of the time that is from just jerking off. You know, maybe too much or watching too much porn. So, like I said, you can try reducing it and see if that helps.

Speaker 1: 17:15

You can also and I've done this with lots of clients you can just tell the woman you know exactly what's going on, say like, look, I jerk off a lot and I kind of know how to make myself feel good. I want us to have sex and do all of that. But let me make myself finish. And pretty much every girl's like cool, great. Because, by the way, that's like a lot of women, a hell of a lot of women, cannot orgasm, or at least it takes a little while for someone else to make them orgasm. But if they're doing it themselves, oh, it's fucking easy for them, like because they know what to do, they know how it feels, they know exactly what to do, they can go to that place in their mind where they can relax and let the orgasm happen. And all of that Especially with toys. Lots of women that I've met they will tell me like I literally cannot come without toys, like I have to use a vibrator, otherwise I just cannot orgasm. I don't think less of them. I'm just like cool, that's how you orgasm.

Speaker 1: 18:08

And so you can kind of do the same thing as well. You can give yourself a little bit of like, cut yourself some slack and just say to the girl like look, the only way I come when I'm with a partner, I get a little nervous, I get a little in my own head. The only way I can come with a partner is if I do it. So let's do all the other stuff together and have fun. But just let me finish. You don't even have to fucking tell them you can if you want to, but and I probably would, but you don't have to. You can just have sex and then when you're feeling like you want to come, you just start jerking yourself off and come on her tits or come on her. I don't know what you guys are into. Come into her elbows. There's got to be someone out there listening right now with an elbow fetish. Come into her elbows, come all over those fucking meaty, bony, little fucking arm knees, knees for the arms, motherfucker, and we call them elbows. So yeah, but that can be a really common thing. I've seen that in a lot of guys where they really do struggle to feel pleasure when a woman's doing it, but they can feel it themselves. Now another really common, I guess, subversion of that is feeling no pleasure during the actual sex when you put a condom on, and so I've got a bunch of different ideas for this.

Speaker 1: 19:17

One thing you can do is put a tiny little drop of lube, like lubrication, inside the condom and make sure it's only one drop. Make sure it is a water-based lube, because if you use a silicon-based lube that can deteriorate the condom. So make sure it's water-based lube. Put literally one drop. If you put too much, then the condom will slip off. You put one drop either inside the condom or just on the head of your dick before you put the condom on. Literally just one drop. I'm talking about the tiniest little bit, and that you know at least for me and lots of my clients who've tried it. It helps reduce some of the dryness that you feel or the lack of sensation you can feel when you put a condom on, and it makes it just slightly moist and slightly slippery. So it feels like for me it's like night and day. I cannot have sex with a condom unless I put one drop of lube inside it, it feels like nothing. If I don't, it feels okay. But yeah, I just don't really feel anything when I put a condom on, but if I put that one little drop of lube in there, holy shit, it's almost as good as going condomless.

Speaker 1: 20:25

Another thing you can do if you want to is you cannot wear condoms. And before you have a little freak out at me saying you don't have to wear condoms, obviously you can do whatever the fuck you want, you and the women, as long as you talk about it. But what I like to do with all the women that we date is, if we're seeing them ongoing and we've seen each other a couple of times and there's some trust there and we've talked about you know, are you seeing other people? And you're welcome to see other people? But just let me know if you are. We have that conversation.

Speaker 1: 20:54

If we want to with some women, we will say, hey, if you're happy to go and get an STD check or an STI check, you know, check for sexual health, imogen and I will do it and we'll get a receipt. You get a printed paper basically saying look, you have no diseases, you're clean. And if we all get a receipt and we all show each other. As long as you know you're not seeing anyone else, or if you do see anyone else, you wear condoms with them every single time and just tell us. If you ever have a sleep up and you don't wear condom, that's fine. Just like tell us and then you know we can figure out what to do. But if you're willing to do that, if you want to do that, then we will go condomless and I you know me and Andy I've had a vasectomy, so that obviously makes that a lot easier and we all go get an STD check and we make sure we're all clean and if we are, then, if we want to, we don't have to wear condoms and that obviously makes you feel a million times better. So for some of you who are in, like you know, especially, if you decide to do a monogamous relationship with someone, then yeah, that's often the norm.

Speaker 1: 21:52

Now, if you're going to do this because most of you listening won't have had a vasectomy I really, really, really, really recommend that you use another form of contraception. Obviously, I would not be using like the pullout method or like the calendar timing method or any of that kind of stuff. I would make sure that she's got like an implant or she has a copper IUD or she has some sort of you know, even the pill I don't fully trust, because what happens if she has a big night of drinking and she throws up the pill doesn't work in that, or can sometimes not work in that case. Or if she forgets the pill or any of that kind of stuff, right, like she's a human, she might forget. And so, you know, make your own decisions. You're all adults. Talk with the women, obviously, and figure out what you want to do. But that can be a solution for some people, particularly if you're in a committed relationship and you decide you know what, fuck it let's not use condoms, because it just feels better without. So that's an option as well.

Speaker 1: 22:48

But I like the lube trick. You know, putting a drop of lube in the condom. Then I get to feel like I'm wearing a condom. You know, I don't have to go and get the STD checks, or we can save that for when we have seen this woman for a while and we trust each other and we've talked about it, blah, blah, blah. One drop of lube in the condom makes a big difference. So this is again something that's quite common the feeling of not feeling any sensation or just not feeling that good or not being able to completely finish, like maybe you feel really good but you can't finish. I promise these things are so unbelievably normal.

Speaker 1: 23:20

I've worked with so many fucking clients with these sort of hangups or these struggles, I guess, these hurdles that they're going through these problems to solve. So I promise that, like there's nothing wrong with you, you're not a loser or less of a man because you know you struggle to feel sexual pleasure. There's nothing wrong, like it's okay. Every problem has a solution. Like I said, I haven't had a single client who couldn't eventually figure out a solution to one of these problems.

Speaker 1: 23:47

You might just have to try a whole bunch of stuff. Same with erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety. You might just have to try like 50 different things. Probably won't be 50 things, but you might have to try like 10 different things before one thing starts to make a difference and you go oh shit, oh shit, I actually got a little bit more hard this time, or I felt a little bit more pleasure this time. Holy fuck, I almost came this time. Holy shit, like making some progress. So you might have to try some things. I promise you there is a solution, or multiple solutions, or sometimes you have to try a bunch of different things all at once and combined that solves your problem. I promise you can solve it. There's nothing wrong with you, you're completely normal.

Speaker 1: 24:27

So many men have these exact struggles. You're not alone, all right, and the last pain point or struggle that inexperienced guys have is consent and not knowing how to escalate, or not knowing how to make a move, or not knowing how to respect their partner's boundaries, just like general fears around you know, like what if I go too far? Or how do I make a move without being creepy or without hurting her feelings? Or, you know, like just a general feeling of I want to be nice but at the same time I want to have sex and I don't really know how to make sex happen. You know, consent is something that gets thrown around a lot and can be very intimidating and scary.

Speaker 1: 25:08

I did a video on it on my YouTube channel, which I will link to in the description. I really recommend you watch it. It's called the Simplest Guide on Consent you Will Ever Read and it's basically a big video that holds your hand and walks you through consent. But here is the main takeaways. I have distilled consent down into five main philosophies and if you hold these in your mind you don't have to sort of worry so much about consent. And really they all distill down to one philosophy. But I'll read out the five and then I'll distill them down even further into the one. So here are the philosophies that I keep in mind.

Speaker 1: 25:48

I want to leave my sexual partners better than I found them. I want to have a good time and I want them to have a good time. Everybody's just doing their best, including me. If I'm ever unsure about consent or boundaries, I can just ask, and if we ever overstep each other's boundaries, we can just talk about it. So all of that you can sort of distill down into I'll do my best to make sure they have a good time and I have a good time. That's it. That's consent. That's consent in a nutshell. And again, I recommend you just watch the video if you are a little unclear on. You know, if you're worried, if you want the girls to have a good time and you're kind of thinking like, fuck, you know, I don't want to hurt them, I don't. You know, I'm worried about consent. I don't know how to make a move without being creepy or without getting rejected. Just watch the video.

Speaker 1: 26:38

One of the points that I made is, if you're ever unsure about consent or boundary, just ask her. Like if you're sitting there in a bar and you're thinking, man, I really want to kiss her. But like, what if she rejects me? Or what if she doesn't like me kissing her? What if it's too forward? Or what if she doesn't want to do it here? Or what if other people see me? Or what if it goes badly? Or what if she turns her head away and she's like, why did you try and kiss me? You're allowed to just ask her. And this is all I ever do.

Speaker 1: 27:05

I've done this for years. One of my friends told me to do this because he would do this with every single woman, and as soon as he told me, I was like wait, can you just do that? And here's the simple fucking trick. It's not even a trick, but here's the simple thing. Literally, just say yo, can I kiss you right now? And that sounds so fucking painfully simple, doesn't it? Yes, because it is.

Speaker 1: 27:27

So if you're ever unsure of like yo, can I? You know, am I allowed to touch her. Can we fuck? Can I invite her back to my place? Can I bend her over and slap her ass? Like, can I pull her hair and make her call me daddy? Can I come on her face? Like you know, can I make out with her? Can I grab her boobs? Like? If you're ever not sure, just say like yo, can I grab your boobs right now? Well, yo, I want to grab your boobs so bad right now. Can I Like, literally, that's it. You just like, fucking, say the words.

Speaker 1: 27:52

And it doesn't have to be this, like you know, weird autistic conversation around consent, which I think it's often made out by that right, made out like that by all the people that lecture you on consent, whether, like you must, you know, ask for consent at every point and make sure you state it clearly and you give her a chat. That just sounds like fucking intimidating. Just like I said, just say like yo, I want to touch your tits right now. Can I? Yo, I want to kiss you so bad. Do you want to kiss me? Or you can even just say like yo, kiss me, do you want to kiss me? You're allowed to just say these things, and this is what I do with every girl that I date.

Speaker 1: 28:26

I literally just fucking say what I want. You know, we might be in a bar and I'll be like yo, you're so fucking hot, I want to kiss you right now. Or I might say like yo, you're really fucking hot, do you want to kiss Imogen right now? And the girl will be like maybe yes. And then I'll be like kiss her, kiss her, then Go, and then they'll just start making out and then I'll be like yo, kiss me now. Like you can literally just fucking say what you want. And again, this came from one of my friends when I was really struggling to make moves on dates and I was like, dude, I don't know how to make a move on a date. And he's like why are you trying to make a move, bro? Just ask her can I kiss you? There you go, she'll tell you if you're allowed to or not, or if she wants you to or not.

Speaker 1: 29:01

And then boom, you don't have to fucking sit there and try and read these signals. You don't have to try and guess what she might be thinking. You don't have to like hope for the best and hope she doesn't reject you. You can actually just use your words and say, yo, I want you. Do you want to come back to my place? I want to kiss you. Yo do you want to make out with me? Yo do you want to go to the bedroom and have sex? Yo, do you want to try some BDSM shit tonight? Yo, do you want me to blindfold you? Yo, can I come on your face? Do you want me to come on your face? Or beg me to come on your face? Like you can literally just say the things that you want and see if the other person wants it. So if you're ever unsure, you can literally just say can I do this thing? Or do you want to do this thing with me? Like, do you want to make out? Right now?

Speaker 1: 29:42

I've had a couple of coaching clients who've been virgins, and that's all they say, literally, you know, when they're not sure because they don't know how to make a move, they're so inexperienced. They don't know how to read signals or any of that. And, by the way, reading signals is bullshit. That's literally just called guessing. And even after all this time, I can't read every single woman's signals. I have a pretty good intuition for it, but I'm not a fucking mind reader and so I just ask Anyway, some of these virgin clients have literally just done that. So, do you want to make out right now? And the girls are like yes, and then boom, now you start making out and then they'll say do you want to go into the bedroom with me? And then she'll go. I'd like that, yes, and then boom, now you're having sex. Like you just literally fucking use your words and ask. So that's an easy solution.

Speaker 1: 30:30

And, like I said, if you ever do overstep the other person's boundaries, you can just talk about it, right, like if you go over someone's boundaries and they're clearly uncomfortable, or afterwards they tell you that they're uncomfortable, or afterwards you say, or even in the moment you say I prefer to do it, in the moment you say how's that feel? Do you like this? Are you having fun? Do you want me to go harder? Do you want me to go softer? You know, do you want to keep going? Do you want to try something else? Like I just ask, right, because, again, I can't mind read and if I ever happen to overstep someone's boundaries, which happens, you know, again, you're not a mind reader and not everybody is good at saying what their boundaries are, especially in the moment you get caught up in the moment you know they might overstep their own boundaries or you overstep their boundaries and then when you find out, or when they tell you or when you ask, you can just talk about it. You can be like okay, cool, so you don't want to do that again. Well, how are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you want to cuddle? Do you want to try something else? Do you want to keep going?

Speaker 1: 31:24

And just being able to talk about it means it's like everything's okay because you can solve the problem. You know, if they feel uncomfortable or they feel like you overstepped the boundaries or they overstepped their own boundaries, you can just sit there and stop what you're doing in pause and go cool, like let's talk about it. How are you feeling? What do you want to do now? Do you want to stop? Do you want to try something else? And just like being in that safe space where they're like okay, he's not going to keep going, like we can pause and talk about it and he's making sure I'm okay. He's being fucking nice to me, cool, okay, I trust him. He's being really sweet to me. He's like literally asking me if I'm okay. That's cool, and so consent doesn't have to be this big, scary thing. Again, I really recommend you watch the video on my channel if you're worried about making a move or you're worried about getting rejection, getting rejected.

Speaker 1: 32:12

And when you view it through this lens or when you do it the way that I talk about, which is you literally just ask yo can I kiss you right now you never really get rejected ever again, like the concept of getting rejected is just like it disappears from your mind. Because now you're just asking something. You're saying do you want to make out? And then if she says no, it's got nothing to do with you, it's not a rejection. She literally just said no, I don't want to do that. It would be like saying to her Are you hungry right now? Do you want to get some food? And then she says no, thank you, I'm not hungry. You wouldn't take that as a rejection. That's just her saying I don't want to do that thing, I don't want to go and eat.

Speaker 1: 32:50

And so when you phrase it, when you ask and say do you want to make out? Do you want to come to the bedroom with me? Do you want to have sex? Do you want to go on a date with me. Do you want to go on a second date with me?

Speaker 1: 32:59

If the person says no, it's not personal, it's literally them just saying no, I don't want to do that, it's not a rejection. But if you try and make a move, like without using your words, if you try and, like you know, make out with her, you try and touch her leg or play with the hair or something not that there's anything wrong with that but if you do those things and then she turns away, it feels like a rejection. It feels like you tried to do something and she shot you down. That's why I prefer to just use my words. I also think it's kinder to the other person. It's easier for the other person to just be like yo, do you want to make out right now? And then she's free to say yes and she's free to say no. But if I try and kiss her, if I like, reach over and kiss her.

Speaker 1: 33:38

And obviously there are a lot of times when someone wants you to kiss them. And If you've been seeing each other for a long time, then yeah, you don't say like, do you want me to kiss you every single time you got to kiss each other, right, but If it's a first date or a second date and I don't really know the person, if I just ask and say, do you want me to make out with you, that's like far easier for her, because if I just make a move and just grab her and start kissing her in the bar, sometimes that's really hot and there have been so many times that you know, in the past I used to do that. That was the way that I did it and there were lots of times that women were just really into it. But there were some times where they didn't really want to kiss me and so they would turn their head and I would just like awkwardly kiss their cheek or something, or I'd pull back and blah, blah, blah and it's like, well, you just like already overstepped my boundary because I didn't want you to do that and you didn't really ask, you just kind of did it.

Speaker 1: 34:27

So and again, this it's not like a big party foul or something because you kissed her on the cheek. You know it's not like you're doing anything crazy, but I just in my mind it feels so much nicer to me and nicer to them and just more honest to just say you, do you want to make out right now, and it takes all the fucking pressure off too, because it's not this big deal. It feels more like a big deal. If you try and kiss someone and they turn away or they push you away or they just like pull back, that feels like a big deal for you and them like it feels like a big deal, doesn't it? Think about that in your head. Imagine you try and kiss someone and they pull away or they turn their cheek or they say away, not yet. That feels like a big deal. But if you just say to someone you do you want to make out, and then they're like not right now. You're like cool. Like that doesn't feel like a big deal, does it? It feels it has the same energy as, like you do what. I'm going to the bar, do you want me to get you a drink? And she's like no, I'm good, thanks. You're like cool, sweet, I'll be back in a minute. Like it doesn't feel like a big fucking there, right? So if you say to a check, you do you want to make out, do you want to come back to my place, and she says no, you can be like cool, what do you want to talk about next? Like it's, like it's not even a big fucking deal. So I like to use my words. I like to just ask again. I will link in the description below to that video.

Speaker 1: 35:41

I will do one more part in this series, one final part, and we'll answer the last three sort of pain points or struggles that I see inexperienced or virgin guys go through. If you found this helpful, go and check out the other parts. I also have a link I will link to the book that Cam and I wrote called how to have sorry, how to get laid in six weeks, even if you're a virgin or inexperienced. The book hold your hand through getting laid, through meeting women, through what the text? How to meet them, what to do on dates, how to have good for play, how to have good sex, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 36:13

You can pay whatever you want for that book, even if it is just $1. Then you pay your one little dollar and you be very happy about giving me a dollar and I will be very happy about receiving a dollar and I will say thank you, my son. I am grateful, namaste, as always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there, crush those amazing goals. If you want my help with this. I have coaching. I'll leave a link in the description below. Thank you very much. Love you all long time. Me love you long time. That's what you be saying to the women me love you long time.