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Stand Tall & Own It
Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
This is where the real work starts.
Stand Tall & Own It
Episode 116 - BONUS - Core Values - A Conversation with Tabatha Perry
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Friend and colleague, Tabatha Perry invited me onto her podcast in order to speak directly to her audience about Core Values. What better way to wrap up the year, than giving you some tools to totally change what next year will look like.
Topics discussed in this episode:
- Core Values are NOT: beliefs, or things you value
- Core Values ARE: the most pure and foundational definition of you.
- When you identify your Core Values, you know who you are and why certain things are important to you.
- Healthy Boundaries Create Make Happy Holidays: set your boundaries AROUND your Core Values. Purchase this mini course ($6.75) and get a 20% off coupon for the Understanding Your Core Values Course!
Here's Tabatha's Episode 104: Lose the Chaos with Tabatha Perry
Check out Tabatha's podcast here: The Life Edit Podcast
Complementary Resources:
What Is Intentional Optimism?
Andrea’s Favorite Planning & Productivity Tools
Become an Intentional Optimist!
All my links
30 Minute Free Consultation
Health & Wellness: Plexus
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You're listening to Intentional Optimists, the podcast for unconventional leaders, where you'll find inspiration, learn to discover and develop your own strengths, and hear from inspiring women just like you who are making a difference in their community. Who knows? You just might find yourself stepping up as the next unconventional leader right where you are. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, the original intentional optimist. Hey you! Every so often I'm invited to share on other podcasts. Now, usually it's just to get my story or share what intentional optimism is all about. But my friend and colleague, Tabitha Perry, you'll remember her from episode 104, invited me to come speak to her audience specifically about core values. And I thought, ooh, I want my people to hear this conversation because I've never done a solo episode on core values. So this is just a quick bonus episode as we come to the end of the year, but make sure you stick around afterwards because I'm gonna share and explain just a little bit more on the back end. Catch you on the other side.
SPEAKER_01Well, hello. Today I have the honor and privilege to have my friend Andrea Um Johnson joining me today. And her and I met, I really believe, through Divine Connection, uh several months ago when I was a guest on her podcast. And she just has inspired me. And um I've just really learned a lot from her. And so I wanted to have her on because she is not only an incredible communicator, but she also has a lot of wisdom around values. And values is such an important part of our life and important part of knowing who we are, those values and beliefs and strengths. So um, Andrea, thanks so much for joining us today. Thank you, Tabela. It is my privilege. Well, I would love to hear a little bit about you. And um, so please share.
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, my name is Andrea Johnson. I am the intentional optimist, and that comes with its own explanation that uh we can go into some other time. But I am an executive leadership coach and I work with women specifically. My mission for when I work with private clients specifically is to help women step away from the cultural expectations of things and lead from their own created beauty, right? To just say, this is how I was created, these are my leadership skills, and I am gonna lead the way I was created to do. And it what I find is that most of them need to learn how to think critically, because that's not a skill we're taught. And in order to lead well, first we learn to think critically, then to create imaginatively, thinking outside the box, looking for other ways of doing things, not necessarily following the cultural norms, and then lead effectively. So that's what I do with my private clients. But I also am a disc consultant, which is behavioral analysis. I'm a John Maxwell team member, and I so I'm a certified coach through John Maxwell. And so it's all very leadership oriented. And, you know, depending on where you are in the women's sphere, that can be a little bit of a rub for some people, but I I'm here for it. And, you know, whatever we need to do, iron sharpens iron. So let's let's be leaders in the way that we were designed to be.
SPEAKER_01I love that. I love that you encourage that critical thinking because I agree. I don't believe that we're taught specifically, women are not taught to think outside of the box. We're taught to be quiet, to go with the flow, to make all the details happen. And so um, it is kind of a new way of thinking. So that is that is wonderful. Um, one other question I want to ask you specifically, which I love asking my guest, is what are you bad at adulting at? Because so often when people listen to podcasts, they're like, man, these people have it all together when we don't, we're all human. So what's that one thing you're bad at adulting at?
SPEAKER_00Well, and I will say I am really good at that facade, right? I'm and that's one of the things that we need to learn to think critically about too is that facade that we put out there that everything looks perfect. My husband, when he first met me, he said, You have confidence issues? I had no idea. Like, well, I got y'all fooled, right? So here's the other piece. Um, I I'm happy to keep things neat, but I am horrible at adulting in the cleaning area. I just I hate it. I don't want to do it. I love the result and I like how great it looks when it's done. Yes. But you know, I joked with somebody the other day. She needs people to fold her laundry or she doesn't like to do it. And I said, you know, if you will come scrub my toilets, I will fold your laundry. And she's like, no way. And I'm like, I know, but I will ship them to you. She lives in Honolulu and I live in Virginia.
SPEAKER_01I love it. Cleaning, it is one of those things. Um, that was actually the first fight my husband and I ever had was he wanted us to have someone come in and clean the house. And I was appalled that he would think that number one, that he wouldn't have to clean. And number two, that like this wasn't like a joint team effort, that we could handle it together. Now, fast forward, I eventually realized that it was an amazing opportunity to have someone come in and it has stopped a lot of fights and really just helped me focus on things that are way more important in life. And so for any of those women that are like struggling with like, oh, should I hire a housekeeper? For those of us that don't like cleaning, go for it.
SPEAKER_00Well, and here's the nice thing that we pay for the things that are important to us and we do the things that are important to us. And so right now, the budget does not afford someone to come in to clean the house. So what I do is, and granted, this is one of the reasons why I'm training my almost 14-year-old son. It's like, today is vacuuming day. But I also taught him to do his own laundry. So part of it is I'm trying to be more of an adult by teaching him to develop the adulting skills. And my sister's like, oh, his future wife's gonna appreciate you. And I'm like, Yeah, well, I appreciate me. But you know, it's like I didn't have to vacuum. And um, you know, one day I was like, Toilet cleaning day, how do I do that? Let me show you. And there's something he likes about the before and after. He likes seeing the dust gone. He doesn't really like the process, but he really likes the results. So I tend to focus on those kinds of things. And I follow another great business coach called uh her name is Natalie Eckdahl with BizChicks. And one of the things she says is we do the things that that are important to us and we pay for the things that we can so that we can do the things that we need to. And if cleaning is something that, you know, if if you as an entrepreneur especially are using your time to clean the house instead of do your business, maybe it's time to have somebody clean the house. And it doesn't, there's no reflection on you as a person, there's no reflection on you as a a good woman, you know, it's like I can do it all really well. I mean, my mom was one of those who made us do the chores every week. I just don't like it, you know. I mean, on my podcast, we kind of joked about the first thing I do every morning is make my bed. I have done something, right? It's like I have and I mark that off. And you know, that's the habit I'm trying to build it in right now. But anyway, I agree. I love that. I think it's good to give yourself the grace to do the things that you can do and to pay for the things that you just are either not good at or don't like to do. Do what brings you joy.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, and one of the values too, kind of in regards to cleaning for me is just organization. I just like things in its place. I like, I like control, is basically what I'm saying. And so um, let's let's kind of dive into values, right? Because when people are um, you know, they feel passionate about something, it really does mean that there's an underlying value there. So can you tell us a little bit about like what made you excited about learning about values?
SPEAKER_00Well, starting back in, oh, I don't know, probably in my early 20s, actually it was in my teens when I took my first Myers Briggs, right? It was like the first time I was like learning about my personality. And then I moved on to um understanding what my quote unquote values are, just in general, my values. What are the things I value? What are I value beauty? I value, and this was all through Stephen Cubby's um, I forget, I got the Franklin Planner. And then the book that I got with that had me walk through and say, what are my top 10 values? And that's a good start, right? These are the things that I cognitively know are something that I want to treasure or cherish or pursue. And um, but but that was just a start. What I didn't realize as I got into it in the last few years of really diving into personal growth and leadership and training was that our core values are something even deeper.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, people want to say, oh, I have faith, family, and God or faith, family, and country or whatever as values. No, those are the things you value, they're not your core values. Oh, that's good. And I think there's some we have to be willing to make a differentiation there and say, this is who I am at my core. It's my inner compass, right? And it has nothing to do with my beliefs. Your beliefs can change. Ask anybody who's switched political parties or changed denominations, or you know, decided they're gonna do something different about anything at all. Even if it's like I'm gonna have somebody come clean my house, your belief in that area changed. And core values are the things about you that never, ever change. They include your purpose and your vision, and all of that flows out of your values. So this is kind of the foundation upon which you need to build everything, your guardrails, right? Um, so as I learn how to coach people, as I learn how to evaluate their disc type and to tell them what how their behavior reflects on others and their communication, when you take all of that knowledge and awareness and then you layer that on top of a foundation of understanding your core values, man, it's like having a 360-degree view of who you are. And things will make sense to you that didn't make sense before.
SPEAKER_01I love it. So for the woman who's like, man, I don't have a lot of time. This is intriguing. I want to know like my core values. Like, I understand kind of what I value. What would be the first step that someone could take to start understanding what their core values are?
SPEAKER_00Well, the first step is to just start paying attention to the things that really make you angry. Because what's happening there is something is stepping on or undermining or doing something to a core value that you have. And so, for a definition, really quick, um, they core values tend to be things that reflect your uniqueness. They tend to be the most personal expression of you. I like to say it's you clarified. I don't know if you've clarified butter to put on a stake. So when you clarify it, it's like that clear butter. It's you clarified. And then the third thing is that they tend to be non-negotiable, right? It's like if honesty is a core value for for you, then anybody who lies to you is done. I mean, period. That's just the way it works, right? So they tend to be those things, but they also tend to be things that are intangible. So they're not country, they're not family, they're not because that that's they tend to they tend to be intangible yet documentable. My very first, and and I didn't come up with all this on my own, like this is stuff that's kind of cobbled together. So it may be that you hear other people talk about core values and they're similar. Um, but my very top core value is freedom. And there's everybody will define freedom differently. Um, but for me, it's all the way down to thoughts. I am free to think the way I am designed to think, and you can't tell me how to think, right? That's the one thing you can't tell me what to do. And so, you know, I mean, it's so for me, it's that. It's so it's it's got a very documentable effect, but it's intangible, right? The the second thing is they're always inherent, right? It's inside, like my mother used to say with me to me, like she would buy something new and she would say, Don't you like this? And I would just chafe at that. I'm like, oh my gosh, what if I don't like it? Now I have to tell her I'm not free, you know? And um, so they're inherent, they're in your their internal compass, but they also are inspirational, they bring you joy, right? They're the things that so when I have thought freedom, when I can think and express my thoughts the way that I'm designed and created to do, I am just in a state of flow and I'm and joyful. So if you take into account those things and you say, hmm, all right, what really kind of angers me on a daily basis, if it's um the fact that there's this person in a relationship that's constantly disrespecting your time, or it's not that time is a value for you, it might be respect. And a lot of times it's deeper than you think. So um it, those are those are the ways you start. And that'll give you an idea. And usually we only have three to five core ones. We have peripheral ones, you know, but we only usually have three to five.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's amazing. So they're they're kind of figuring out through the day like what kind of irks me, what what triggers me. Um, they're realizing what's intangible. So not necessarily like you said, you know, country. Um it's inherent, it's just inside of them and then inspirational. It just kind of moves them to the next level of energy. All right.
SPEAKER_00So the way you can see it easily is the things that anger you, but the the way you might not notice is the things that really bring you joy. It's just um, and it it might be that spending time with your children brings you a lot of joy, but it that's your family is not really a core value. It's the maybe it's the relationships or the connections you have with your children or or with your family. Maybe it's um uh camaraderie or for me, community is my third. And so it's those kinds of things will show up in ways that you don't realize. And they might look like one thing, but they're expressed in a lot of other areas. That's another way you can look for them is does that show up for me in a bunch of different areas in my life? Then it's probably a core value.
SPEAKER_01So, and this is incredible. And what, but here on the flip side, okay. What would make a woman like like realize that she hasn't been living like according to her values, right? That then maybe all along that she's been feeling kind of discontent. Yep. Um, kind of tell me more about that.
SPEAKER_00So when you don't know what your core values are, you're probably going to have problems making decisions. You're probably going to feel um like they're difficult or the processes get muddy, your boundaries get overrun a lot, right? Uh core values helps you set your boundaries very easily. And a lot of times if one is undercut or dishonored, you feel tension, you feel conflict. And so when you notice that that's like an overall kind of feeling in your life where you have a lot of tension, a lot of conflict. I mean, there could be other things that are causing it, but it's very possible that if you have a really hard time making decisions and you don't have any boundaries, then you don't know what your core values are. And um, people unfortunately will walk all over you. And like you said earlier, especially women, especially in certain demographics of this of this country, we're raised with specific understandings that women are supposed to be certain ways, we're supposed to be quiet, we're supposed to be submissive, we're supposed to be um conciliatory, uh, we're supposed to be gracious, we're supposed to be the hostess. Well, what if that's really not a skill that you have? And being authentic is a core value for you. That's always going to be a conflict, right? You're gonna feel resentful every time you have to host something, if that's not a skill because you're not being authentic. So um I think when we look at how we're feeling, you just presented it very well. If we just don't feel a coaching word out there would be if I don't feel like I'm in alignment. Um, the word I use a lot of times is I had a lot of what I call incongruencies, things that just were conflict, like puzzle pieces that just wouldn't fit together. You know, if you take a jigsaw puzzle and you've got a piece that almost goes and you smash it in there, you can make it fit, but it's not comfortable. It doesn't, it doesn't slide in like it's supposed to. And when you find the right spot for it, it does. And so it's those kinds of things that that all feels very nebulous when you talk about it. But if there's somebody out there listening that says, oh my goodness, that's right. That's exactly what I've been feeling. Um, you know, and and I find in leadership, a lot of women have those incongruencies in the areas of can I lead? Can I be the boss? Can I express that I have an ambition? Can I um use my expertise in ways that will maybe make more money than people are comfortable with me making, or maybe make more money than my partner, or will take me away from my children? And is if we honor all of our core values, then everyone's going to be honored, right? Because then you are more complete, you are living in more um alignment, or you are living congruently, you're living in a way that is um the the way that you were designed to live. I keep using the same words over and again, but well, they're such strong words.
SPEAKER_01That's like it's I I definitely understand that. And when you can show up as you, so one of my core values is honesty. And when I feel like I can't truly say what I believe or take a step down, like step further, I don't actually realize or know what I believe, but I'm having to make a choice that just really is so hard for me. And so being able to prepare, and again, I really like control, which working on, um, but having that information so that way I can be honest with myself. And there's been times in my life that I felt really off, like and I couldn't even pinpoint it. And it was because one of those values, my core values, I wasn't living um according to it. I wasn't like congruent with it. And so I just love how you describe that. And um, you know, for the woman out there, that's like, okay, this is really exciting. So I know that you have some resources and tools to kind of help women walk through this somewhat challenging process because I started learning about values years ago. And honestly, it has only been the past couple years that it has started to solidify because it's such an abstract concept. It is.
SPEAKER_00And it's not something that's taught in school. It's yeah, and even in church, um that it's not taught in church. We're taught that our values are things like our, but we're taught that our values are our belief system, which that is a completely separate thing. This is it's akin to your personality. And when you understand your core values, it kind of frees you up to live as yourself. And when you have a difficult decision, you can actually make it and then you can actually pursue success. Maybe that's being exactly who you need to be in that situation. Um, I do have some some good resources. I have a PDF I'm gonna share with you. You can just share with people as a download. Um, but I also have a mini course that's just four modules. And because this can be an overwhelming process, I do want to make sure that people understand it is not designed for you to do in one day. But if you're one of those ambitious people who happens to already be, so I in my client work, um, I they all go through this course, they all do the core value exercise. And when I encounter someone who is already very self-aware, already um done a lot of personal growth work, then they might can work off this PDF, right? And it's just like grab a pen and a paper, and you're gonna answer these questions over and over and over, right? And it's gonna start with a brain dump. It's gonna start with um kind of even looking up some other words that might playing around with a thesaurus to say, wait a minute, is it really this one or is it really that one? Kind of like everything but the kitchen sink. Um, and then narrowing it down. Do any of these go together? Right. And then saying, all right, so here's my top 10, kind of narrowing it down to 10, and then kind of documenting where they show up in your life and being willing to do that over the course of a week or two or four, however long it takes you, then being able to narrow that down even further and say, well, these are peripheries, that these are my top. And that's a process that can be done very quickly if you're already aware, very self-aware, or it can take time. The mini course I have is designed to be over about four weeks, but you have access to the whole thing at the very beginning. So it's four videos and then the exercises and some downloads. And for your listeners, I have actually created a 20% coupon. It's not, it's a very low value or low price anyway, but I've um I've set up a coupon for your your um listeners of edits, right? Because this is the life edit. So we're gonna do our own little edits, E D I T S. And you will have the um the link to the actual page, but you can just go to the intentional optimist.com. It says core values mini cores of the yellow button right at the top. You can click on that and then pop your coupon code right in there and you can get it for 20% off.
SPEAKER_01Oh, thank you so much. That is gonna be such an amazing tool for women because I think that there's many women that are listening. They're like, oh man, that would be really nice just to be kind of guided through it. Yeah. And so again, that they can live in alignment with themselves and again the benefits of understanding. Understanding your core values is being able to make those decisions well, uh confidently, quickly, having more self-confidence. And again, how we show up in the world is so important because God has designed us all for specific purposes and he created our core values. And so it's it's a gift to be able to understand how he created us. And so that way we can live out um our fullest potential.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I mean, if we believe he wove us together and if we believe that he created us on purpose with a purpose, then understanding who we are is imperative to that, right? And when you have your core values, you can build your belief system, you can build, you can put your skills and abilities on top of that. It'll help you understand and define your purpose, help you cast a vision. And then you can take take that and say, what are my goals and my actions? And then you can get results. So it's this nice little stair-step understanding once you start with the core values.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wonderful. Well, Andrea, thank you so much for joining me today. And I'll make sure to put all of your information in the show notes so that way people can check you out and um learn just from your wisdom. So thank you again. My pleasure.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so I can hear you asking, Andrea, how do I figure out my core values? And then what do I do with them? Well, I'm really glad you asked. Let me begin my answer with an analogy. When we bought our house back in, I guess, 2012, we moved in and we have a we're beagles people, right? So I had a beagle at the time, I have another one now, and we have a pretty big yard. I think it's three-quarters of an acre, but we had no fence. So we needed one and we needed the fence people to come out and tell us approximately how much it would cost. But in the process, we didn't know where the property lines were. So we had a surveyor come in who plotted it all out, put stakes in the ground, and showed us where we could put the fence if we chose to do so. You see, the property lines were always there. We just couldn't see them. But for the longest time afterwards, because we still don't have a fence, if you can imagine, it's quite expensive to put a fence around that big of a yard. But we had stakes at different places, and we could see, oh, the trees are right on the property line. Oh my gosh, I had no idea that this bed that we have that that kind of straddles the property line is in our yard and the neighbor's yard. But you see, property lines tell you where your property ends and your neighbor's property begins. You know where to put up the fence and nobody argues with you, usually. We have had a situation like that in the past, not here, but you see, your core values are a little bit like your property line. They define you in the most pure and perfect way. They've always been there, but you just haven't been able to see them, or maybe you just weren't aware of them. When you know where you end, quote unquote, that's where you know how to put up fences. I call those boundaries. Let me take this analogy just a little bit deeper. In my backyard, I also have a pool. The pool has a fence around it. It's the portion of my yard that needs the most protection. It protects, well, when we moved in, we had a two and a half-year-old or three-year-old, and so it protected my son from getting into the pool without supervision. It protects the deer from jumping in when we have the pool covered and then getting stuck underneath it. It protects all kinds of things, but it is the most important piece to have protected in the backyard. But you know what? It's not the whole yard. It's only a portion of it. If we wanted something that surrounded our entire, if we had a fence that surrounded our entire yard, we wouldn't actually need, by law, to have one around the pool because we already had one around the yard. But this is how many people establish their boundaries. They put up specific and many times very hard and high boundaries around things that feel important. And most likely these are things like pain points that are at the center of someone's core value, or maybe there's something that touches or causes friction for a specific core value that they have. But in reality, they're just partial protection of the full property. You need to know your full property lines. You need to know your core values. Therefore, in order to uncover your property lines or your core values, you have to do a little surveying of your own. Fortunately, I actually walk you through this process in the course, uncovering your core values, live in alignment with your non-negotiables. However, you might already have a decent idea of what your core values are, or you may have your own kind of pool that you need to get a fence around right now, like the holidays. And if that's you, then healthy boundaries make happy holidays is exactly what you need. It's a small course. In less than an hour, I share some fantastic resources and very simple steps for you to begin setting up healthy boundaries as you head into the holidays. Now, when you purchase the boundaries course for honestly, less than a venti peppermint mocha, you'll get a 20% off coupon for the Core Values course, which basically gets you both courses for the price of one. Look, you deserve to know yourself. And honestly, we deserve to know you better too. There's a reason they say good fences make good neighbors, and it's not because it keeps everybody separated. It's because when we know where your property lines are, we're more likely to ask permission to step into your space. Now, of course, there are plenty of people who are just gonna walk across my front yard, but I've decided that that's okay where I am right now. And there are times when people will wander into a boundary line that I would prefer to have, but because I know where I end and they begin, I have a little bit more grace in those areas. It's just easier and much more organic to establish your boundaries in a way that honors you while honoring others when you know where the boundary lines belong because of your core values. So do yourself a favor, scroll down and click the link in the show notes. It will take you directly to the page to purchase the Healthy Boundaries course. Understanding who you are will literally change your life. Everything else builds on this foundation. Everything we do in when I talk about disc and understanding how to communicate with people, if you understand who you are, then you understand what you're communicating. And everything I talk about in intentional optimism as a personal growth lifestyle is all about living out those core values with grace and ease and honesty and authenticity. You can do this. You deserve to have your own boundary lines established for you, literally on things that you were created with. You got this, sister. Until next time. Oh, good, you're still here. Because I have one more invitation for you. My newsletter, Optimistic Living, is full of good stuff, delivered straight to your inbox. So for weekly encouragement, tips, and even some special offers, hop over to my website and sign up. Because unconventional leaders meet at every level in any area using their unique gifts. And you, my friend, are a leader. You are the future of leadership and the role models for future generations.
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