Take Heart

Walk Into the Light to Face Our Fears with Amy J. Brown

November 02, 2021 • Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 2 • Episode 59

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Fear is a common emotion among special needs parents. It distorts our thoughts and hijacks our reason. Fear keeps us in the dark. In this episode, Amy teaches us how to walk out of the darkness and into the light. 

November 2, 2021; Ep. 59

Timestamps & Key Topics:

  • 0:20-    Intro
  • 1:17-    Conquering Fear?
  • 3:50-    Constant Companion
  • 4:43-    Walk into the Light
  • 7:00 -   Choosing the Light
  • 11:14-  Closing Prayer
  • 12:21 - Outro

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Amy J. Brown 
(0:20) Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope and insight, so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes, share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is to continue to serve you and new listeners. You can help us spread the word by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing the podcast with others. We want to thank you today for joining us. Before we start, I also want to let you know that we have a monthly newsletter. We have an encouraging Spotify playlist each month that focuses around our theme and a monthly prayer. We also have a new resource on our website called 7 Advocacy Practices and Pitfalls. You can find that all on our website at www.takeheartspecialmoms.com

(1:17) Welcome and hello, I'm Amy J. Brown, and this month we are talking about fear: how to move from fear to trust. I want to start with a story. This year I traveled to Florida with my 21-year-old son Evan. While we were there, we went to Walt Disney World, and we spent the day in Hollywood Studios. Now let me say before I go any further, I have always been terrified of roller coasters. For years, I would sit on the sidelines when my whole family would go on scarier rides than I could handle. On this trip though, I decided I wanted to conquer my fear, and I was going to ride the Rock and Roll roller coaster. I decided the best way to do this was to arm myself with as much information as possible. I spent hours on the internet learning about this roller coaster. I learned that the Rock and Roll roller coaster goes from zero to sixty in under three seconds, giving you that G-force feel. I learned that it has two loops and one corkscrew, and it is entirely in the dark. But I did not stop there. I googled all kinds of things like: how scary is the rock and roller coaster? Can people who are afraid of roller coasters go on this roller coaster? I spent a lot of time on the internet. I read stories of little kids who loved it, and old ladies who went on it, and people who conquered their fear. With all my research, I decided that maybe I could handle it. Now this research did not include all the time I spent obsessing over it and asking Evan continually if he thought I could handle it. It does not include the hour in line where I did a lot of deep breathing and more research on my phone. Now another thing about this ride is, it only lasts 75 seconds. So all those hours of researching and fear and anxiety for a 75-second ride. But I did do it, and I'm really really proud of myself that I did it. It was fun, but I'm not sure I can honestly tell you about the experience because my eyes were closed and I was screaming the entire time. Now what does this story tell you about me? I'm a real barrel of fun at Walt Disney World. Actually, it lets you in on a truth about me that I like to be in control, Tthat I hate not knowing what is next. Yes, I did conquer my fear, but I spent three days obsessing about something that was over in 75 seconds. Can you relate to that?

(3:50) Being a special needs mom sometimes feels like a roller coaster ride. You're going along in life and all of a sudden the bottom drops out, or you feel like you're going too fast and you want to get off now. Maybe you feel like you're in the dark, being jerked around by loops and corkscrews. All of this can cause us to fear. Now fear is a very common emotion, but I do not want it to be your constant companion. Here's some things I have learned about fear in my own life, and I'm not talking about the healthy fear that saves us from danger. I'm talking about the kind of fear that overtakes us. Fear lies and distorts my thoughts. It hijacks my reason. It can pervade everything. If I'm afraid of one thing, that anxiety and fear can creep over to all other areas of my life, and fear keeps us in the dark. 

(4:43) So how can we learn to deal with fear and darkness? Well, we turn on the light. We walk into the light, John 1 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture. I think the language of that chapter is beautiful, and it causes me to tear up often. I want to focus on verses 1-4, though. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. All things were created through Him, and apart from him not one thing was created that has been created." Listen to this. "In him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness did not overcome it." I want to read a different translation. That was the Christian Standard Bible, this one is the Message. "Everything was created through Him; nothing -not one thing!- came into being without him. What came into existence was Life, and the Life was the Light to live by. The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness could not put it out.” Friends, there can be no darkness where God is. So let me say this again. How do we combat fear? We walk out of the darkness into the light. "But how?" You're asking me. Okay, well, first of all, I think we have to recognize our darkness. Maybe your darkness is: the unknown, or worries about your marriage, or I can't do this tomorrow, or one more day. How are we going to afford this treatment? Everyone has one or two areas that are especially sensitive and plunge them into darkness more quickly than others. For me, my “dark” is fear of the future. I have kids with reactive attachment disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome. They have a hard time having healthy relationships, setting healthy boundaries, and making healthy decisions. I worry about their future. Will they have relationships? Will they make bad choices? Will they be in trouble with the law? Will they shut us out? So recognize the areas that plunge you into the dark. 

(7:00) Then the next thing we need to think about is what do we do in the dark. Now I want you to remember once again, when you're afraid your brain is being hijacked by fear. You may be acting or feeling a certain way and not realize that it is fear. Maybe you're irritable or unable to sleep, or you're scrolling on your phone. What I do when I'm in the dark looks like this: worst case scenario thinking, blaming myself, late night internet searches to try to find a solution, anxiety and insomnia. None of this leads to living in peace. Peace does not live in the dark. We need an inner peaceful place to stand, and that place is in the light. We cannot trust our hijacked brain or fear to tell us,  but we can trust the light. We have to choose the light though. That light,  John 1 tells us, cannot be overcome by the dark. It is so easy to choose the other path, the one that's filled with "what ifs". I spent so many moments in the dark cave of fear trying to dispel the darkness with my own feeble flashlight, but it never ever works. So what does choosing the light look like? Well, first of all, stop and breathe. I know it sounds really easy, but it's amazing how often we forget to breathe. A deep breath can calm your nervous system and center your mind. The second is prayer, obviously. Of course I'm going to say prayer, but sometimes this is hard to do when you're afraid. That's why you need to breathe first. I love this quote from John Mark Comer in his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. "Let prayer be your emotional regulation and scripture set your view of the world." I have to admit I often do the opposite. I let fear roll my emotions, and my own wisdom set my view of the world. Number three, as we talk about prayer, we need to change the focus of our prayer. Now we can always go to God and tell him anything. We can express all our fears, anytime. He can handle it. But sometimes, when I do that, that just leads to me rambling. What if we changed how we prayed? A wise woman once said to me, "Instead of telling God about your fears, tell your fears about your God." Tell the fear of the future that your God is with you wherever you go. No matter how difficult the journey, He doesn't leave. (Isaiah 43:2). Tell the fear of scarcity your God supplies all that you need by his riches in glory (Philippians 4:19). Tell the fear of failure that your God equips you (Psalm 18). Tell the fear of loneliness your God never leaves you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Tell the dark that your God is the true light of the world (John 8:12). That my friends is one of the best ways I know to walk into the light. Finally, practice the present moment. You'll hear me preach this all the time, and I'm not that good at it, but I am getting better because it does really help. More than anything I want to be present in my life and fear often hijacks this desire. Here's one little practice I do, and I call it the mental download. When I'm really anxious and fearful, I sit down and I set a timer for one minute, and I write down every single thing I'm afraid of and worried about. It could be big things. It could be little things. It could be ridiculous things, but I write them all down. Then I take a deep breath, give myself a little time in prayer, and then I ask God, "What do you want me to hold in my hands today?: The crazy thing is most of the time, 99% of the things on the list are not things I'm supposed to carry. So, I say that, "These are not mine to carry today." The simple practice has been so effective in helping me deal with fear. By the way, if you would like more practices in dealing with fear and anxiety, you can check out Episode 9: Changing Your Mindset where I talk more about anxiety.

(11:14) So let's go back to John 1, one more time. "What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by. The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; and the darkness could not put it out." Here's what I want you to know today. The truest thing about you is that you are God's beloved child. You can trust him. There was light in the dark and that light is Jesus, so walk towards him. I'd like to end with a prayer by Thomas aࠥ Kempis from The Imitation of Christ. "Grant us above all that I may rest in you and my heart may find peace in you. You are the heart's true peace. You are its only rest. Apart from you everything is hard and uneasy. Only in this peace that is you, highest and eternal good do I find sleep and take my rest." Remember friends that you can trust God, and you can trust the light.

(12:21) Thank you for joining us this week on Take Heart. Our prayer each week is for your heart to be encouraged. We are grateful you're walking on this journey with us. Be sure to subscribe to our monthly newsletter at www.takeheartspecialmoms.com, and follow us on Instagram and Facebook @takeheartspecialmoms. If you have any questions or comments, follow the links in the show notes. We love hearing from our listeners. We also have a full transcript of this episode in our show notes. Thank you for listening. Next week, Carrie will share about fear.