Creating Systems and Habits with Guest Amber Wilfahrt

Amber Wilfahrt joins the Mental Health Mamas this week to talk about creating systems and habits to help busy moms find time for themselves. Amber is a wife, mom, entrepreneur and fellow podcaster. Tune in to hear Amber talk about her own journey to wellness and how she’s removing the mom guilt from self-care.

Visit Amber’s website: https://www.amberwilfahrt.com/
Check out Amber’s podcast: https://www.amberwilfahrt.com/podcast

Visit our website for more content: www.mentalhealthmamas.com

Mental Health Resources:
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. Visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org for a chat option or call 1-800-273-8255.

Crisis Text Line: Our goal is to help texters move from hot moments to a cool calm. Sometimes, that means we give our texters a resource – like a breathing GIF to help them slow down or a link to finding a support group near them.
Website: www.crisistextline.org
USA text 741741
Canada text 686868
UK text 85258
Ireland 50808

NAMI HelpLine: The NAMI HelpLine is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals and support to people living with a mental health conditions, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public. HelpLine staff and volunteers are experienced, well-trained and able to provide guidance.
To contact the NAMI HelpLine, please call 800-950-NAMI (6264), Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., ET, or send an email to info@nami.org.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Helpline            SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. Available 24/7, 365 days a year.  1-800-662-HELP (4357)

 Mama’s Comfort Camp: a peer support network where moms of all ages and stages, from around the world (and across the street) lift up each other. Our motto is: Moms don’t need more advice, we need more support. We leverage social media by turning Facebook groups into resilience engines that mobilize kindness, ideas, and resources while dissolving guilt and shame. Our lovingly moderated forums are always on: 24/7/365.  Find us on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mamas.comfort.camp/

National Parent Helpline®  Call the National Parent Helpline® to get emotional support from a trained advocate and become empowered and a stronger parent. Available 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. PT, Monday through Friday.  1-855-427-2736 (4APARENT)

Transcript

Serena: Hey Everyone, I’m Serena.

Tina: And I’m Tina and we are the Mental Health Mamas.

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Serena: Welcome to No Need to Explain, we are so glad you’re here.

Tina: First, as always, a quick disclaimer.

Serena: We come to you NOT as mental health professionals or experts in the field, but rather as parents with lived experience who are on a mission to normalize the conversation around mental health.

Tina: If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, please seek professional support. You’ll find a variety of resources in our show notes and on our website, NoNeedToExplainPodcast.com.

Tina:  So if we have said it once we have said it million times, parenting is hard, right Serena?

Serena:  Absolutely.  Parenting is hard and we are all really doing the best we know how to do and sometimes, when we know better, we can do better.

Tina:  Absolutely.  Today we have a guest on our show who is a personal coach of sorts right?

Serena:  Yes.  Amber Wilfahrt has developed an intensive coaching program called The FIT Plan which is a step by step plan to implement habits into your life that will transform the way you live and will help you crush the excuses along the way.  Amber, welcome to the podcast!

Amber: Hey! Thanks so much for having me!

Tina:  So Amber, let’s jump in and have you tell us a little bit of your story.

Amber: Absolutely. So I am a mom to three girls and I have been a work at home mom pretty much since my youngest was a few months old and I was in direct sales for 12 years. I thought I was going to be in direct sales for my whole life but God had different plans and at the end of 2020 my company had closed and it was quite a devastating thing for me because I, over the last few years of my business, had become a top one percent person in my company. And so as you can imagine, I was doing it pretty full time. And so at the end of 2020 it was just a time for me to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to be when I grew up. 

And so over the past year, a little over a year, I’ve been coaching women and it started in 2020 before my business even closed. I was coaching women who were in direct sales because I wanted to help women succeed. I knew that it could happen. Then after my company closed, I felt like it was time for me to rethink about, again, what do I want to be when I grow up? 

And so I developed a program for moms called the FIT plan and what it entails is helping moms to take time for themselves, to put habits and systems into their life so that they don’t feel guilty putting themselves first so that mamas feel taken care of because we are very much a better person, a better mom, a better wife, when we feel taken care as you know. And so not only have I been sharing this for awhile, I have my own podcast that I started a couple years ago. I share on there as well, some of these tips, but it just made sense for me to create a program and start coaching moms to…there are different pillars within the program so maybe they want to work on that self care or it might be working on their fitness, their nutrition, their relationships, so their marriage, their business or their faith. And so they can come to the program and choose what pillar that they want to start with to really start building those habits and teaching them that habits don’t happen overnight and the myth of habits are formed in 21 days is total garbage. And teaching them that it’s really small steps over the long haul and not giving up on themselves  and having that accountability has really helped my clients to put themselves first and just to feel better about themselves, to really find joy in the every day is really a deep mission of mine.

Serena: Yeah, so you mention on your website, and I’m gonna quote it here, “Since becoming a mom, I've put numerous systems into my life because I knew that if I wanted to be the best mom and wife and ME that I could be, I needed systems. I needed to pour into myself first.”  As you were mentioning about self-care and we love that. So tell us a little bit more about these systems and how they have helped you be your best you!

Amber: For sure. One of those things is exercise. Like I have learned that not only does it help me feel confident, but just, you know, Mental Health Mamas, here we go. It helps me to just feel mentally better in many ways. A few years ago I, one winter, just was having a really hard time with dizzy spells and we couldn’t place it and I actually, I even went into my doctor and talked to her about it. She thought it might be an inner ear thing so I was doing physical therapy which wasn’t helping. So then I had a heart test done and a brain MRI and I had all the blood work done and what it came down to was that I was dealing with Seasonal Affect Disorder, seasonal depression, winter blues, whatever you want to call it. And so I had to really just put some systems into place for that because I knew that…I knew how to take care of myself. 

I knew that exercise was good for me but I had to put systems into place to help me really battle that and I would like to say that every winter since had been great but this winter, as we all know, was really rough. I am in Minnesota and we had a lot of really, really cold days and it’s not the snow that I don’t like, that’s hard for me, it’s the lack of sunshine and the miserably cold days where you go outside and everything on your body is instantly frozen. All the hairs in your nose and your eyes, the tears come out of your eyes, it’s just…it was a long winter for me. And so I’m grateful that I had those systems in place of exercise, like I said, is a big thing for me to help me feel confident but also to help my mental health just be at its best. And my physical health because I also deal with some physical disease. I have a thyroid disease and I have colitis and so those are just things that I have to do in order to feel my best both physically and  mentally is exercise, eating well, but also things like sitting in front of a happy light, I call it, or a sad light, whatever you want to call it, drinking enough water, making sure that I have self care implemented, especially on those days when it’s really hard. And that sometimes might be the cliche for me, a bubble bath, because I’m cold and so I love to just sit in the bath and read. But it might also be date nights with my husband or it might be just making the kids put themselves to bed so that I can get some extra sleep and start fresh the next day. 

So that has been the biggest thing for me as far as dealing with my mental health is those exercises, those little things that I can do on a daily basis. My morning routine of having quiet time so that I feel more ready to take on the kids and the calendar when they get up. And so doing those things have just been incredibly good for my  health both physically and mentally as well as letting go of the mom guilt that’s attached to it. We all know that mom guilt is a very real thing. And so I’ve learned to battle that self-care is not selfish. I don’t have to feel bad for not sitting and playing barbies with my seven year old who would love me to do that when I know that I need to take some time for me, whatever that might look like. And again self care looks different for everybody. You just have to hone in on what fills your love cup when you are feeling low. What is going to take you to the level of feeling just OK, you know, and ready to just keep on going. So those are some of the systems that I’ve put in place in my life to help me feel like I can be a good mom, a present mom, a great wife and to take on our day, you know?

Tina: I love that and thank you for sharing so openly about your mental health. We like…we love when people do that actually. Amazing and I…

Amber: It’s real life.

Tina: It’s real life, for sure. So on top of being a coach and taking good care of yourself, you are also a podcaster which we also love.  So tell our listeners a bit about your podcast.  

Amber: Sure. It’s called Live Fiercely and there are two seasons. The first season is very much geared toward direct sellers because that was the season I was in. There are some episode within that first season about momming and marriage and my husband came on with me for a couple episodes and we talked about marriage as well. But what the podcast is really about, especially in season two, is just helping you live your best life and giving you tips and tricks to kind of get through your days better. I have a couple episodes with just simple Mom hacks that I have found that worked well in my home because the reality is we need each other to survive this Momming thing and to feel like we’re more than surviving but that we’re thriving and that we can find joy in the hard times of parenting. So I’ve got episodes like that. 

I’ve also got some episodes about creating a morning routine or I have one coming out soon about having open conversations with your kids and just discussing about how we talk about everything with our kids. We just have an open book policy here. The other night we were sitting at dinner talking about each of our mental healths. My two oldest girls are in therapy and everybody’s anxiety in the house is different. And so we were talking about and just normalizing it. And so giving some tips on how to initiate those conversations because they’re not always comfortable. They can feel awkward but encouraging mamas in a lot of those different ways throughout my episodes is what I love to do. And then of course bringing on some guests to share those tips and tricks for moms as well.

Serena: I love the open conversations with your girls. That’s so important, you know, from when our kids are small to as they get older. I’m just gonna share very quickly here in the midst of our episode, I’m receiving texts from my oldest who is 20 who is saying she has big feelings and needs to talk to somebody right now. So, thankfully my husband is free to do that while we’re recording. So here, I want to back up to your Mom hacks. Do you have a favorite mom hack that you would like to share?

Amber: Yes. But this is very specific to my, well, she’s almost seven but her personality is very big and when she doesn’t want to do something she lets you know. And we have fought for years on this simple task of doing her laundry. And how it works in my house is that I do everybody’s laundry. I fold mine and my husband’s, my girls get their clean clothes put in their laundry basket and then they have to put it away. Well, she’s the kid who likes to change and she wears three outfits a day. By the time I do laundry, it’s overflowing with clean clothes and she loses her ever loving mind because she doesn’t want to put it away. So we tried multiple ways to help her just, you know, do a little bit here and a little bit there or put them into piles and then focus on the pile, not the whole thing. Nothing worked. When she was younger, it was like, literally, she would be in her room all afternoon because she wouldn’t put her clothes away. So the hack that finally worked and that was just this spring and my husband came up with it is that we will…we found a podcast of short stories and we’ll turn it on the Google and she listens to it and does her laundry and we have not fought since.

Tina: You know, that’s awesome and that’s a great adult technique is gift yourself with something like that only at a certain time. So only watch a show when you exercise or only do whatever. Yeah, that’s great! Smart husband you have there.

Amber: I know. He’s always like, I came in at the right time and I was like, actually, I love you but you were like three years too late on that but I will take it.

Serena:   Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. So as we said in the intro, parenting is hard and COVID certainly has not made that any easier.  Nothing has seemed normal!  So do you have specific advice that maybe has been helpful to the parents that you’re coaching in this past year?

Amber: It’s all about the small things. It’s 1% better or it’s taking that next step and not focusing on the overwhelming things that can come up in our life, the overwhelming situation or the overwhelm of I don’t know how to parent this situation. My oldest is going to middle school in the fall and I feel like this year has really taken us into that next step of she’s very much a tween and the conversations we have and the things happening with her body. And I am like, oh my gosh, I don’t know what to do. I had a moment not too long ago of, kind of like panic, like I’m not ready for middle school. And I did my thing. I found my…I have my safe people that I can talk to about this stuff. And then I remembered, one step at a time. We will approach whatever situation she’s in when she gets there but why do I have to worry about when she can be on social media and she’s gonna have a phone. We will approach that, you know, cross the bridge when we get there, right? And so even thinking back to nap times and potty training and depending on what season people are in, there’s always those overwhelming situations as a mom. And just taking it one step at a time and that even is self-care. Right now I have a self-care challenge that is available on my website where every day you will get a tip from me and the tips, the tasks that I give you, they’re not big things. They’re not spend an hour in the bathtub or go get a massage or exercise for 45 minutes. They are literal small things like, wear your favorite shirt. Focusing on those small things makes it feel like you can do it, you know? It takes that overwhelm out a little bit if you just focus on the next thing.

Tina: I love and I think it’s a focus we’ve had to have during COVID, right? And I remember…so I call it spinning, right? So when I am thinking about that next thing and the worry starts to just accumulate, it’s just that spinning, right? We don’t need to be spinning. And I remember…I don’t think any of us, by the way, are ever ready for middle school.

Amber: Good to know!

Tina: Middle school is just…just saying, yeah. We’ve done it…both of us have done it twice and we’ve survived it so far so there you go

Amber: I can do it.

Tina: You can do it. And you know, I just think with our kids, mine in particular with all the anxiety, I couldn’t go to that next place. We literally had to get through the day and that’s excellent advice. So you’ve already said this, but I don’t think we can, kind of, talk about this enough and that is, you’re doing your coaching, you take good care of yourself. What are your favorite ways to fill your cup?

Amber: Well, exercising, that is a non-negotiable in my world. And I’m so excited that the weather is finally turning. We got our bikes out for the first time this past weekend. It was like 55 and we did a family bike ride and it was wonderful. I am solar powered so if there is sun, I’m gonna be outside in nature. I also…I love a good cliche, clean rom-com. It’s just my favorite. Like no think, just ends with a perfect bow at the end of the book. It’s wonderful. I also love time with my husband, just connecting with him and quiet times in the morning are things that just really fill up my cup.

Tina: Awesome.

Serena: So tell our listeners where they can find you and your podcast.

Amber: For sure. My podcast is called Live Fiercely and my website is simply amberwilfahrt.com. My favorite place to be is on Instagram and you can find me at amberwilfahrt or search for raw mom life and you will find me that way too.

Serena: Aright. And so before we bring this episode to a close is there anything that we haven’t asked you that you would like to put out there to the world?

Amber: I think, just remember that every mom is going through something different than you and to not compare your journey with hers because even if she’s going through something similar, her kids are not your kids and your kids are not her kids and you are not working the same job she is, you don’t have the same husband and so don’t compare your life to somebody else’s. But also to find those moms in your life that can be your sounding board. A place where you can vent, cry, complain if you need to, but they’re not gonna let you stay there. They’re not gonna keep you at that low level. They are going to empathize with you and then lift you up in whatever way that you might need.

Serena:  Find your people. We love it. Yeah. Yeah. So Amber, thank you so very much for joining us today.  We really appreciate all of your positive messages about taking good care of yourself without the mom guilt.

Amber: Thanks for having me.

Tina:   Yeah. And I love the building up other moms and females. I think we don’t see that enough in the world, especially in business. I think it’s all about the next step and I love that you’re…that you promote that female positivity. So, awesome.  And so podcast friends, we are, as always, grateful for all of you listening and supporting us. You can help us out by visiting Apple podcasts, leaving us a review, subscribing and please share with others. You will find lots more content on our website NoNeedtoExplainPodcast.com. You will also find us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and we’re happy for you to connect with us. All of Amber’s information will be…we’ll be tweeting it and facebooking it and insta…all of it’s gonna happen this week so connect with us.

Serena:  And this is your gentle reminder to take good care of yourself while you are also taking care of your people.  

Tina: Thanks for listening!

Serena: Bye!

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