Growing Through Play: Embrace the Free Play Revolution

Today’s topic is a hot-button one and I know I am going to get a lot of feedback from listeners. Yet, the research and scientific evidence is imploring me to cover this topic again because it is really important to your child’s health and well-being. Yep, I’m talking about the importance of free play 

Just about every parent I have worked with for the last 10 years has had a love-hate relationship with screens and their children. Almost all the parents I work with know that too much screen time is not a good thing. And almost all of them feel guilty about how much time their kiddos are in front of screens while simultaneously feeling that screens are necessary to calm, soothe, distract, and manage children today. Those are a lot of emotions to have about a tool that is meant to improve our lives. 

So let’s take a look at what the research is telling us and try to find that equilibrium that meets the needs of the modern family while simultaneously supporting the proper growth and development of our little ones with free play. 

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of Proactive Parenting. Remember, this is a judgement-free space to learn how to raise value-driven kids in a way that is right for your family, using the most current scientific research out there. 

I’m your host, Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. I’m a certified pediatric nurse practitioner, published author, and a professional who has devoted my career to studying and using child development to help parents manage childhood issues. 

So, grab a cup of coffee or tea and settle in to learn something new about your child because when we know better, we do better.

Today’s topic is a hot-button one and I know I am going to get a lot of feedback from listeners. Yet, the research and scientific evidence is imploring me to cover this topic again because it is really important to your child’s health and well-being. Yep, I’m talking about the importance of free play 

Just about every parent I have worked with for the last 10 years has had a love-hate relationship with screens and their children. Almost all the parents I work with know that too much screen time is not a good thing. And almost all of them feel guilty about how much time their kiddos are in front of screens while simultaneously feeling that screens are necessary to calm, soothe, distract, and manage children today. Those are a lot of emotions to have about a tool that is meant to improve our lives. 

So let’s take a look at what the research is telling us and try to find that equilibrium that meets the needs of the modern family while simultaneously supporting the proper growth and development of our little ones with free play. 

I want to start by reflecting on a quote by Mr. Fred Rogers. He once said, “Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” Think about that for a minute. Play is the work of childhood. That is a child’s job - to play. 

Why? Because we know that our children’s minds are wired to interact, explore, learn, and understand through play. They take all the new information that is pressing on them each day and work out where all that information belongs through play. They drop a spoon from their high-chair continuously to learn what will happen (it falls to the floor), what the response will be (the dog may come to lick up the food that has also hit the floor), and watch for the social reaction (mom laughs or mom yells). That simple act of play in taking an object and tossing it to the floor is exploratory on many levels. 

Our little ones learn through concrete actions with the world, meaning through their senses of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. Their minds can only understand what they can take in through their senses. They don’t yet have the ability to abstractly think about the outcomes of their actions yet. They can only learn by doing and then taking in all the consequences through the senses of their body. This means a lot of repetition, so they know that the same thing will happen each time they do something, and it also means that they will try the same activity in many different situations to see if it is transferable. For example, they will drop their spoon from their high-chair, they will drop toys out of their crib, they will drop their shoes from the stroller, etc. etc. until they have determined that everything they let go of from their hands will fall. 

As a parent, this can be mind-boggling and frustrating. No one likes to pick up cold spaghetti from the kitchen floor non-stop. No parent likes to backtrack to find that missing shoe that was tossed aside a block ago, and no parent wants to continually get up from the couch to pick up and give back a pacifier that is continuously chucked out of the crib. This frustration often pushes parents to set up a tablet or phone to mesmerize a child at the dinner table or keep them busy in a stroller or crib until sleep catches them. I completely understand the motivation. 

Yet, those behaviors are play for a child. Yep, that super annoying habit is honest and good play. Annoying as all get out, but that is what it is. So you might be thinking at this point, “is this women expecting me to pick up spaghetti non-stop or never finish my Netflix series because I have to fish a pacifier from under the crib continuously?” And my response is an clear and resolute “No.” There are very effective ways to help our little ones manage their behavior in a more family-centered manner that doesn’t take away your peace and still allows your kiddo to play. I will put that information into another podcast for another day. 

Bringing this back to play, our topic of today, children must have time and space to use their bodies to discover and understand the world. Their growing bodies are designed to interact with the world in a progressive manner that slowly gives them more and more abilities to do new things. By default, our children will naturally engage in appropriate activities that naturally emerge as they master new skills so they can explore new things. It is an instinctive process. Most parents don’t need to do anything to support this other than get out of the way. 

And one of the ways that parents can interfere with this natural progression of play and exploration is too much screen time.
In my professional practice, I see many parents introduce the screen to their children very early on, normally before the 1st birthday and use screens throughout their child’s day - such as meal time, bed time, travel time, to keep them busy when mom or dad is on a phone call, so on and so forth. 

So what does it mean if our little ones are watching screens instead of playing? It means that they aren’t playing and if they aren’t playing, they aren’t learning. Free play is a vital part of a child’s life. A child needs time to explore their body and the world around them through play. And they need time to learn to enjoy free play. The flashing, passive interface of the screen stimulates their brain in a way that the natural world just cannot do because the natural world is slow and tied to rules of physics and biology. The exploration of the slow natural world will help your child maximize many areas of their development because they too are slowing growing and changing. 

Free play permits your kiddo to go at their own pace to explore, manipulate objects, and learn. Since they are the directors of their activities, they can spend as much time and attention on what they are playing with as they need or want to until they are finished. Free play also help them learn to control their attention and use their imagination, which lead to creativity in later childhood. Your child’s emerging awareness of the world around them and how the world works creates a never-ending canvas to keep them interested and engaged. 

Many parents think they need to keep their little ones occupied and entertained, but let me reassure you, this isn’t your responsibility. Your job is to provide safe spaces for free play. Your child will do the rest. Starting early makes this process easier because your child’s development will make free play a natural progression and quickly turn into a habit. As a parent, all you need to do is provide more space and time for free play as your child grows and acquires more abilities. 

While it can seem like you should always be doing things to keep your child entertained, like giving them a screen to look passively at, it’s not true. And there are times that you should get down on the floor and play with your child for your enjoyment as well as their social development. But free play is essential for children to help them explore and learn about the world, foster initiative and self-control, and have a sense of freedom that they are just fine doing something on their own and not having to feel the pressure of getting someone else to do what they want, trying to get your attention, or having to wait until you can play with them. It also keeps them from seeking the passive screen stimulation. 

I invite you to try adding some free play to your family today. See if it changes how you feel about your ability as a parent. I think you’ll be surprised at how positive you feel and the change you will see in your child. If you want more specific information about how to incorporate free play into your child’s day, please check out my audio course, The Proven Method to Get your Child to Sleep, Eat, and Play Happily, available Spotify, Apple Books, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and multiple other platforms. 

I’ll wrap things up here. As always, I welcome your comments or questions about this episode. Free play topics are always lively! Please don’t hesitate to connect with me at deanna@proactiveparenting.com. And, if you want to find out more about who I am and what I do, please take a look at my webpage, www.proactiveparenting.com. 

You can also go to Facebook and Instagram to connect with other parents just like you. Find me by searching for my name - Deanna Marie Mason. Finally, if you would like to purchase any of my books, online courses, such as Newborn Care or Breastfeeding Bootcamp, or find links to my audio courses, you’ll find all those resources on my webpage, again that is www.proactiveparenting.com 

Thanks so much for listening, I hope you found this episode useful and interesting. If you did, please leave a comment and tell a friend so they can become a Proactive Parent too! 

Well, that’s all from me for right now. This is Dr. Deanna Marie Mason signing off. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Until then, take care and be well. Bye!