Parenting Choices: Navigating the Spanking Question

Okay, so today’s topic, spanking, may be a sensitive one for you based on your beliefs and ideas about parenting. Believe me, you’re not alone. Whether you are on the side of spanking or not, about 20% of parents admit to using physical punishment such as spanking or swatting as part of disciplining their children. Let me clarify, this is the percentage of parents who admit doing it. From what I see in my practice, it may be more common than that statistic lets on. However, among those that admit to spanking, interestingly, most also report not feeling very good about doing it. 

Why would the parenting world be so divided on this issue. It’s probably because nearly all parents report that parenting is their greatest joy and, simultaneously, nearly three-quarters also describe parenting as their greatest challenge. So almost all parents find joy in the task of being a parent, but nearly 75% also say it’s a big job that is hard to do. It only makes sense that parents who are frustrated or feeling challenged would consider using spanking as a way of managing their children’s behavior - it may have been used by the

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of Proactive Parenting. Remember, this is a judgement-free space to learn how to raise value-driven kids in a way that is right for your family, using the most current scientific research out there. 

I’m your host, Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. I’m a certified pediatric nurse practitioner, published author, and a professional who has devoted my career to studying and using child development to help parents manage childhood issues. 

So, grab a cup of coffee or tea and settle in to learn something new about your child because when we know better, we do better. 

Okay, so today’s topic, spanking, may be a sensitive one for you based on your beliefs and ideas about parenting. Believe me, you’re not alone. Whether you are on the side of spanking or not, about 20% of parents admit to using physical punishment such as spanking or swatting as part of disciplining their children. Let me clarify, this is the percentage of parents who admit doing it. From what I see in my practice, it may be more common than that statistic lets on. However, among those that admit to spanking, interestingly, most also report not feeling very good about doing it. 

Why would the parenting world be so divided on this issue. It’s probably because nearly all parents report that parenting is their greatest joy and, simultaneously, nearly three-quarters also describe parenting as their greatest challenge. So almost all parents find joy in the task of being a parent, but nearly 75% also say it’s a big job that is hard to do. It only makes sense that parents who are frustrated or feeling challenged would consider using spanking as a way of managing their children’s behavior - it may have been used by their parents and they are just simply repeating what was done in their family when they were small. 

However common it may be, all international pediatric groups provide clear recommendations about avoiding physical punishment in child discipline. Yet, for some parents spanking and swatting remains a common discipline practice. 

The good news is most parents believe it’s possible to learn better parenting approaches and nearly all of those parents want to learn to be a better parent. That’s very good news, indeed! We also know from the research that many parents base their current parenting practices on their own experiences when they were a child – both positively and negatively. So it seems to be that, at least, 20% of current parents, they are using the parenting tools their own parents used with them. 

Therefore, it’s not too difficult to understand why parents revert back to behaviors they experienced themselves as children when choosing how to discipline their own children. If there are high levels of stress or big challenges to overcome, parents may feel overwhelmed with emotion and act instinctually rather than looking at the situation objectively. It’s in these moments when physical discipline, such as spanking and swatting, are most likely to occur. 

One of the big reasons parents become overwhelmed, or unsure of how to react to their child’s behavior, is that many parents do not understand how their child develops. Parents may underestimate the long-term effects that physical punishment can have on their child or may overestimate a child’s ability of self-control. In either case, the trauma from physical discipline may have affects much later, and longer, than parents perceive or believe. 

The truth is, many parents see discipline as a way to stop bad behaviors, nurture their children, teach good behaviors, and protect their children. However, many parents struggle to find the right balance of discipline behaviors that are suited to each situation. Therefore, it’s understandable that many parents report that finding the best ways to discipline their child is a big parenting challenge. 

Lots of parents try non-physical discipline methods such as time-outs, distraction, and setting limits. Yet, some parents still employ physical discipline methods, such as spanking, swatting, or hitting with an object, even when they aren’t sure that these methods work to change their child’s behavior, and report feeling bad about hitting their child. 

So what is the main reason that parents give when asked why they use physical discipline? The most common answer given is that they too were given physical discipline as a child. Graciously, this is when the majority of these parents then report that they would like to learn more about effective ways to discipline without physical methods. 

You might at this point be wondering what other non-physical discipline strategies even exist and if they are effective. Well, the good news is that there are many other options and all the ones I am going to list are proven to be effective if employed correctly and used consistently. A few of the most common are: 

• Explaining expectations and consequences to help children connect their actions with the outcomes.
• Time-outs for a short time so either the child or mom and dad can take a few breaths and collect themselves. 
• Distraction, which is very useful for small children to move them away from a dangerous setting or situation. 
• Being a good role model so our children try to emulate us doing the right thing. 
• Verbal warnings that explain why the activity is not okay, such as what will happen in the child continues. 
• Setting limits and being consistent with them so our kiddos learn not to test us each and every day. 
• Negative reinforcement, which is also know as taking something away as a consequence, so our child learns there are consequences to bad behaviors. 

Obviously, we can dig into each of these strategies at length, and perhaps that will drive new podcasts (note to self), but for now I will just leave that list to plant a seed to see where it finds fertile ground. 

Knowing that there are other options to physical discipline can help your family begin to evaluate your discipline styles and reflect on the reason those methods were chosen. Once you know why you do something, it’s easier to seek information about other non-physical discipline options and how those can be employed. The goal is to identify new strategies that more closely align with your desires and better fit the needs of your child. 

Proactive parenting strategies support healthy child development. Effective discipline techniques are an important parenting decision that should be reviewed and evaluated at each developmental age and stage of the child. By doing so, parents will be responsive, sensitive, and effective in conveying discipline to their child while avoiding any potential negative affects. 

Today’s topic can be sensitive to some parents and limits and discipline are big topics that concern most parents. We’ll visit more information on these topics in the future, but for now I’ll wrap things up here. As always, I welcome your comments or questions about this episode. Please don’t hesitate to connect with me at deanna@proactiveparenting.com. And if you want to find out more about who I am and what I do, please take a look at my webpage, proactiveparenting.com. 

You can also go to Facebook and Instagram to connect with other parents just like you. Find me by searching for my name - Deanna Marie Mason. Finally, if you would like to purchase any of my books, online courses, such as Newborn Care or Breastfeeding Bootcamp, or audio courses, you can find all those resources on my webpage, again that is proactiveparenting.com 

Thanks so much for listening, I hope you found this episode useful and interesting. If you did, please leave a comment and tell a friend so they can become a Proactive Parent too! 

Well, that’s all from me for right now. This is Dr. Deanna Marie Mason signing off. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Until then, take care and be well. Bye!