Dad's Debut: Celebrating the Role of New Fathers

When we talk about new parents, there is a tendency to focus on the moms and babies. Dads often get dismissed or pushed to the sidelines. But today, dads are more involved with their children than in previous generations.  New research is showing that dads do better psychologically and are more confident in their role function if they get involved right away, during the first year of their baby’s life. 

This episode explores this issue more to see how fathers can positively influence the health and well-being of their infants, their partners, and, as an added bonus, themselves. 

Proactive Parenting is based on validated theories and scientific research to provide the information you need to care for your modern family. Not everyone grew up in a completely healthy family of origin and consequently may be unsure of how to be a parent when they start a family. Proactive Parenting was created for parents who need a solid foundation to start raising their children, and for parents who want to do better. It is a way to move past old behaviours, break unhealthy habits, and replace them with parenting actions that will lead to a healthy family life for both children and parents.

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Transcript

Welcome again to another episode of Proactive Parenting, a show where I offer you judgment free advice on how to raise value driven children in a way that’s right for your family using the most current scientific research out there. I’m your host, Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. I’m a certified pediatric nurse practitioner, published author, and expert in child development. I’m also the mom of two fabulous teens so I know first hand how much misinformation is out there - and that’s why I’m here. So grab a cup of coffee or tea and settle in. This is a safe space where you can ask questions and get real, honest answers about how to raise kids in the way that works for you. 

When we talk about pediatrics and children, there is a tendency to focus on the kiddos and mom. So I tried to make a concerted effort to look at the family unit, and especially all the fathers. In modern society, more dads are involved with their children and the research shows that this tends to extend as children grow. But new research is showing that dads do better psychologically and confident in their role function if they get involved right away, during the first year of their baby’s life. 

So, I thought that we could explore this issue more and see how fathers can positively influence the health and well-being of their infants, their partners, and, as an added bonus, themselves. 

There are so many changes that happen after the birth of a baby. Most parents experience some feelings of being overwhelmed with the reality of being completely responsible for their child and with all of the care needs of their baby has. Historically we find that mothers have been the primary care takers of babies during the first year of life. This is especially visible if a mom is breastfeeding, the myth that mom’s have previous experience caring for younger siblings or babysitting, or the presence of the maternal grandmother after birth in support of her daughter’s role change to motherhood. While these stereotypes may once have been commonplace, many of today’s mother’s have been just as independent and outgoing as the baby’s fathers and may not come into parenthood with previous experience of caring for infants or children. Furthermore, with women in university and the workforce at the same rates as men, it is illogical to believe that women have prioritized learning about future motherhood while pursuing their studies and careers. 

It is often the case that many women have the same level of experience with babies as their male partners prior to birth. Many mothers are choosing to bottle feed rather than breastfeed so they can return to work, families are growing smaller so exposure to younger siblings is reduced, and physical distance may prevent maternal grandmothers from staying extended periods to help in the immediate wake after the birth. Just like Bob Dylan said back in 1964, “The Times They are A-Changin´.” 

Yet, maybe things aren’t changing as much as we think. We still find that women are the primary care givers of newborns and young babies during the first year of life. The stereotype that mothers “just know what to do” or “know how to do it better” continues to persist. Today’s modern family needs to evolve to reflect that honest reality of two working parents who have limited experience with babies or small children should be equally equipped to explore and discover a healthy balance to meet the baby’s needs after birth. 

This will demand a cultural shift that places value on a mother’s time for self-care and on a father’s ability to connect and care for infants. It sounds weird that we have to say this out loud, but mother’s do not need to give up the essence of who they are and live only for their children. And, conversely, father’s can grow emotionally and expand their empathy to create connection with a non-verbal infant and feel confident in their ability to meet their child’s physical and emotional needs. 

When I am working with families, often times I gently pry to learn how the workload is being balanced to care for children and what I commonly hear is that dad will occasionally “babysit” their children so that mom can “go out” for a lady’s night. This type of response by modern families only confirms that we have a way to go yet to rebalance the workload within the home. But beyond this, it’s important to remember that neither parent is going to thrive when overwhelmed or excluded. And after working with families for 25 years, one thing I have learned is that healthy parents make healthy families. So there is good reason to explore this issue and look for new ways to adapt. 

It has been clear in the scientific literature for decades that having fathers involved is healthy for mom, dad, and baby. Mothers are at risk after birth for “the baby blues” or a more serious post- partum depression. We know that psychological distress may increase a woman’s risk of developing post-partum depression. And the most common types of psychological distress are fatigue, sleeplessness, body image change, physical discomfort, anxiety of meeting the baby’s needs, and memories about the birth itself (if things went well or were difficult). Anyone who has had a baby knows that all of these things naturally occur after giving birth. So, in essence, all mothers are at risk for post-partum depression. It isn’t a fault within her but the result of the tremendous amount of change and uncertainty in the situation.

Thankfully, fathers are an important factor in moderating a mother’s risk of post-partum depression. Fathers who take an active involvement in infant care give mothers more time to focus on self-care. This self-care can help reduce psychological distress. Simple activities with the baby, like changing diapers, giving baths, bringing baby to mother to breastfeed and taking baby afterward to burp, dressing, soothing, and feeding (if bottle feeding) can give mom some important time to rest and do self-care. Additionally, fathers can provide supportive care to mothers, like preparing meals, doing laundry, shopping, and cleaning. 

And it is here that the new research really connects. In this investigation, the National Institutes of Health Community Child Health Network parenting measures were evaluated and they found that having paternal self-efficacy lowers the risk for depressive symptoms among fathers in the year after birth. Now if you aren’t sure of what self-efficacy means, it was a term defined by Albert Bandura to capture the idea of an individual's belief in their capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments. When we use it in the family setting, self-efficacy reflects our confidence in the ability to exert control over our own motivation, behavior, and social environment. 

So dads who feel that they can be involved in their newborn’s life, and feel that they have the skills to meet their baby’s needs, and feel that their partner allows and encourages them to participate will have high self-efficacy about their role as a father. This is a good thing because it means that they will want to care for their child and they will feel that they do a good job at it. But most interesting is that a man’s beliefs about their role and abilities as a father influence their risk for depression. Dads with lower self-efficacy about being a father had a higher risk of depression and dads who had high self-efficacy had lower risks of depression. Obviously, dads who are healthy and not suffering from depression are in a position to positively influence their families. 

Normally, all the focus is on moms and babies after birth, but this research shows that dads are important too. Not for just what they do for moms, but also for their own health. Dads who feel confident in holding, washing, bathing, changing diapers, soothing and feeding their infant, in addition to how frequently they contribute to infant clothing, medicine, furniture, food, money, health insurance, and childcare items like diapers and wipes, all influenced their feelings of self-efficacy. 

This means that we need to check in with dads after birth to see how they feel about their role and function. Helping dads prepare before birth can set them up for success the baby comes. A great way to do this is to have them take a newborn care class or attend a breastfeeding course, if their mother of their child will be breastfeeding. Knowledge is power and if dads know what is going to happen and learn some skills beforehand, it can make them much more confident in caring for their child. 

I understand that some dads are not too keen on going to a class, so please check out my online video courses on Newborn Care and Breastfeeding Bootcamp. I have special sections in each course just for dads. Both of those online courses are available on my webpage: www.proactiveparenting.com 

The key to creating a healthy balance for mom and dad related to baby care is to understand and accept that both parents love their baby and want to do their best. Each parent will care for the baby differently because they are different people. There has to be tolerance to allow each parent to provide care in his or her own way as long as the baby is being cared for safely. Getting dads to get involved early is a great way to foster this type of openness from the beginning. 

There is a tendency for mothers to criticize fathers for how they provide care. This can be a barrier and make fathers less willing to help. And sometimes father’s make this worse because they tend to ask for help from the mother rather than working through the learning process to learn how understand the baby’s needs and provide the appropriate care to the baby. In both cases, there is a negative for everyone. 

Babies who only experience their care in one way can develop a preference toward that method. This may create rigidity in the baby and cause him or her to become unhappy or uncomfortable if not cared for in the same way all the time. This rigidity can become a vicious cycle that only reinforces the unequal balance of work – baby cries when dad provides care, mom critiques dad for not providing the care properly, and dad gives up rather than trying to meet the baby’s needs. Over time, the burden will be on mom to care for the baby in the way the baby is accustomed and dad will be excused from direct baby care. Therefore, there can be no equal distribution of labor related to baby care, which is bad for dad and his self-efficacy. 

Beyond the benefits to mom, the baby benefits too when dad is equally responsible for providing baby care. It’s a good thing that our babies gets used to being cared for in different ways. This helps our baby be more flexible and comfortable receiving care from other people when mom and dad need to be away. This flexibility makes it easier for baby to be cared for by grandparents, daycare providers, or friends and family. The baby is less stressed and is not struggling against a change in routine or habit. 

Today’s modern family has mothers and fathers who are equally equipped to care for newborn and young infants. The key is to build a family environment that allows both parents to participate equally, accept the differences, and provide support to each other without judgment or perpetuating stereotypes. The benefits are global; mothers have more time for self-care and reduced risk of psychological stress, fathers have the opportunity to actively participate to increase their self-efficacy and reduce their risk of depression during the first year of life, and babies learn to be flexible and are comfortable being cared for in different ways. Having dads participate creates a win-win situation for everyone. 

This is a topic that really touches on everyone in the family. I think those are the most interesting because it gives us a huge number of ways to deal with it. I hope the information from this episode has sparked some creativity for your family. Don’t hesitate to share a comment or question; you can always email me at: deanna@proactiveparenting.com. And if you want to find out more about who I am and what I do, please check out my website, www.proactiveparenting.com 

I’m also on Facebook and Instagram where you can connect with other parents just like you. Find me by searching for my name - Deanna Marie Mason. Finally, if you would like to purchase any of my books or online courses on Newborn Care or Breastfeeding Bootcamp, you can do so on my webpage. Again, that’s www.proactiveparenting.com. 

Thanks so much for listening, I hope you found this episode useful and interesting. If you did, please leave a comment or review, and tell a friend so they can become a Proactive Parent too! 

Well, I’ll close here. This is Dr. Deanna Marie Mason signing off, for now. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Until then, take care and be well. Bye!