Unwrap the Best: Expert Tips for Toy Shopping This Holiday

Most parents are familiar with spending a lot of time and money searching for gifts that after being unwrapped and briefly explored, end up in the back of a closet, tucked into a toy box, or simply discarded.  Most of the highly advertised, “top toys,” or “must have gifts” are  just marketing successes sold to children and parents rather than meeting anyone’s real desires or needs. 

It's hard not to fall prey to savvy marketing and repeated advertising. It’s difficult to overcome the persuasive influence that advertising firms have, even if you are watching for it. And it is virtually impossible for our little ones to avoid being influenced by what they see in commercials, product placements in their favorite YouTube videos, and pop-up ads while hanging out online. And for us, as parents, it’s hard not to get your kid what everyone else has. There is real peer-pressure amongst parents too. 

So, this episode has been developed with all of these influences in mind and as a way to offset some of the pressures we feel during this season of celebration and gift giving. To give toys or gifts that our children will play with throughout the year and look back on fondly when they are older (you know those toys you still keep from your childhood because you can’t bear to separate from them?),  we have to really pay attention to development. If we evaluate if our child has the ability to manipulate the toy, interact with it without becoming frustrated, and still explore and expand their understanding while playing, well, then we have hit the ball out of the park. 

Keep listening to find out recommendations for all ages and stages from babies to adolescents so you can avoid the pitfalls of gift giving and really surprise your child with a wonderful gift this holiday season.

Proactive Parenting is based on validated theories and scientific research to provide the information you need to care for your modern family. Not everyone grew up in a completely healthy family of origin and consequently may be unsure of how to be a parent when they start a family. Proactive Parenting was created for parents who need a solid foundation to start raising their children, and for parents who want to do better. It is a way to move past old behaviours, break unhealthy habits, and replace them with parenting actions that will lead to a healthy family life for both children and parents.

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Transcript

Welcome again to another episode of Proactive Parenting, a show where I offer you judgment free advice on how to raise value driven children in a way that’s right for your family using the most current scientific research out there. I’m your host, Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. I’m a certified pediatric nurse practitioner, published author, and expert in child development. I’m also the mom of two fabulous kiddos so I know first hand how much misinformation is out there - and that’s why I’m here. So grab a cup of coffee or tea and settle in. This is a safe space where you can ask questions and get real, honest answers about how to raise kids in the way that works for you. 

We are nearing that special time of the year when some children begin writing letters to Santa Claus with their Christmas wishes, other children celebrate the Festival of Light of Hanukkah over 8 nights, and others will honor Kwanzaa by learning the Seven Principles during a week of celebration. Most of these celebrations involve gift giving so this is also the time of year when parents begin to feel uncertain about which toys are appropriate for their children. 

I think most of use, as parents, are familiar with spending a lot of time and money searching for gifts that after being unwrapped and briefly explored, end up in the back of a closet, tucked into a toy box, or simply discarded. I know that watching this process really irritates me. When my kiddos were little, I listened to them talk about toys or gifts they really wanted. At times it felt like they were almost begging for them. So I went on the search, found what they wanted and happily wrapped them up and tucked them under the tree. We celebrated Los Reyes Magos or the 3 Kings Day that happens on Epiphany, or the 12th day of Christmas, when the 3 Kings visited Jesus and gave him gold, frankincense and myrrh. So by this time, my kiddos had been gorging on Christmas sweets and celebrations for weeks. It was always a very emotional time for them. I would see that they exploded with joy when they opened their gifts, but then later left them sitting around. Whether it was the Heely roller shoes that my daughter begged for or the BB8 Star Wars Robot that cost a fortune that my son repeatedly petitioned for, most of these highly advertised, “top toys,” or “must have gifts” were just marketing successes. They were literally sold to children and parents rather than meeting anyone’s real desires or needs. 

Even with my background and knowledge about children and development, my family fell prey to savvy marketing and repeated advertising. It’s hard to overcome the persuasive influence that advertising firms have, even if you are watching for it. And it is virtually impossible for our little ones to avoid being influenced by what they see in commercials, product placements in their favorite YouTube videos, and pop-up ads while hanging out online. And for us, as parents, it’s hard not to get your kid what everyone else has. There is real peer-pressure amongst parents too. 

So, this episode has been developed with all of these influences in mind and as a way to offset some of the pressures we feel during this season of celebration and gift giving. Please know that I understand that each of these special celebrations are so much more than gifts, but modern society and Western culture puts a lot of focus on the material aspect of holidays. And while the material part is usually the least relevant to the actual holiday in comparison to the religious or cultural parts, the material side is what often leads to feelings of frustration or confusion. So that’s why I want to spend time on this particular aspect of the holidays. 

The key to finding toys and gifts that are appreciated on the day and for all the days of the year is to match our child’s age and development with the gift we are selecting. It can be easy to rely on the age recommendation on the box of the toy, but the makers and advertisers often distort the age recommendation in order to sell more toys. They aren’t as concerned with our children’s happiness and enjoyment as they are with pushing their product. Manufacturers and advertisers are also very good at doing things that make a toy or gift look very attractive and have hired child actors to look like they are really enjoying playing with a particular toy. But the key thing to remember is that the child is acting, or they only recorded a portion of the time when the child was engaging with the toy. There is so much manipulation to get children and parents to want to purchase toys that it is hard to make a good decision. 

To give toys or gifts that our children will play with throughout the year and look back on fondly when they are older (you know those toys you still keep from your childhood because you can’t bear to separate from them?), well to touch that level of joy, we have to really pay attention to development. If we evaluate if our child has the ability to manipulate the toy, interact with it without becoming frustrated, and still explore and expand their understanding while playing, well, then we have hit the ball out of the park. 

Remember when I talked about my mistakes buying Heelies and a BB8 robot. Well, even though my kiddos asked for these toys, the toys were developmentally too advanced for both of them. At the time they asked for them, neither of my little ones had the gross or fine motor skills to actually play with these toys. This created a lot of frustration because they had seen kids their age in the advertisements successfully playing with these items and having a great time. Their repeated failure to master the skills necessary to actually play with these toys created a deep seeded frustration and exhaustion that the only thing their minds could do to cope was to stop playing with the toy. In the end, they rejected the toy because it was essentially showing them that they were incapable. 

Of course this wasn’t actually true. Rather, my kiddos had seen child actors having success with these toys in an artificial environment of a studio and were comparing themselves to this standard. They were bound to fail. Why? Because developmentally, very few children their age would have had the gross and fine motor development necessary to fully play with these toys. Sure, a child who had extensive dance training or a natural athletic disposition that was very connected to how their body moved in space may have been able to figure these toys out. But my kiddos were normal, healthy souls who were developmentally on track for their age and stage. They lacked this advanced training or gift that would have helped them enjoy the toy. 

Many of our children fall into the same trap. They see something that looks like it’s for them, they ask for it, they get it, they can’t make it work right to enjoy the toy, they become frustration, and then they drop it. It really isn’t their fault. They are easily swayed by marketing, and we are swayed by our desire to give them what they want. So in the end, everthing gets mixed up. However, by focusing on who our child is, what level of development they have, and avoiding the social or advertising pressures around this year’s “hot” item, we can set our kiddos up to receive gifts that bring them real joy. And that joy will keep them playing with those gifts for months and years to come. 

So to help parents feel more secure in choosing gifts this holiday season, I have put together a list of guidelines to help you select toys that are appropriate for the age and development of each of your children. 

Let’s start with our babies. A baby’s development is centered on increasing strength and coordination, improving memory, and an evolving verbal communication (talking). Strength and coordination involve learning to control their bodies to begin to creep, crawl and then walk. It also involves being able to manipulate objects in their environment, such as bringing food to their mouth or grabbing a toy. Improving memory is a cognitive process in which babies learn that objects and people are permanent; this means that mom still exists when she leaves the room or a toy is still available if it is covered by a blanket. It seems like simple stuff, but it really is a wonderfully complicated ability of the brain. And, finally, babies progress in their ability to communicate verbally throughout the first year of life. Their cries gradually modify into words as they learn to control their tongues and mouths to create specific sounds that, in turn, create specific reactions. 

So, what does all this have to do with toys? Well, toys that help babies move forward on one or all of these tasks will enjoyable our baby, will support their healthy growth and development, and will not cause delays or damage to their natural development. Therefore, selecting toys that match the development of our child is the best way to find a great toy that our baby will love! 

Young babies (0-6 months) enjoy toys that provide a sense of security, such as stuffed animals, soft dolls, or baby blankets. They also like, play mats with hanging objects and bright colors help improve eye coordination and strength. Older babies (6-12 months) will enjoy teething rings. Just before 6 months of age, babies will begin cutting their first teeth and teething rings provide comfort and help the new teeth, especially molars, erupt from the gums. Older babies also enjoy rattles that reward them with noise for their movements. And little ones nearing 10 months can begin to play with blocks to improve control and coordination of their hands and arms. And we can’t forget about books. Both picture books are wonderful at this age. Babies love to be read to and love to look at pictures in books. Plus, reading out loud to our babies helps tremendously in language development. 

One thing I need to bring up about toys for babies is related to electronic toys and applications that are available in most toy stores or on computers, tablets, and phones. These toys and applications generally mesmerize infants and keep them completely spellboudn for extended periods of time. However, these toys and applications do not support babies’ natural development. Playing with a computer, tablet or phone will not improve strength and coordination. Nor will it improve memory. And, as research studies have shown, they do not help improve communication. Advertisers try to convince parents that their product is good for babies, but over and over the data does not support their claims. Babies do not need, nor benefit from electronics. Traditional toys better support our baby’s natural development. 

Moving onto our new walkers, at 12-18 months, will enjoy touch books or books with colorful pictures to help with language development and can be used as a quiet activity before bedtime. Stories with simple ideas or books with vocabulary on animals, emotions, colors, and such will be engaging and fun for our kiddos. Additionally, new walkers love toys that help them be active and mobile, such as push cars or pull toys. Both types of toys help develop gross motor skills which will help our little ones master walking and running sooner. 

Early toddlers (18-24 months) are very active because they are trying to perfect their motor skills. For this reason an activity table would ideal. Activity tables with lots of buttons, levers, and pulls helps to integrate sensory information and coordination. And, if we want to convert them into music lovers, another great option are musical players with simple melodies and lyrics to encourage careful listening and movement. We know from the research that music can help develop language and memory, so this is a great way to get our little ones learning without them even knowing it. 

Late toddlers (24-36 months) learn through imitation, and that is precisely what late toddlers like to do. We can select toys that help our children pretend to be like the adults, such as moms, dads, grandparents to support this developmental task. Examples can include play kitchens, play workbenches, play medical bags, or play school supplies as well as dolls and toy cars. Toys of this type will be used daily by late toddlers as their imaginations expand. 

Preschool kiddos, age 3-5 years, expand on the work they did a few months ago to play make-believe and be creative. Our preschoolers love to play dress up and pretend being professionals, such as doctors, police, or ballet dancers, or play make-believe characters, such as the star of their favorite movie or cartoon series. Additionally, magic games (always adapted for this age group and avoiding small pieces) or imagination games are well suited for preschoolers. Books without pictures can be introduced at this age to help improve imagination and language. Of course we will be doing most of the reading, but not having pictures in the stories makes our kiddos use their mind’s eye to create the vision of the story in their head. This skill will be uber important when they are in school. And, simple board games are a great gift from because they allow our preschoolers to begin learning fairness and sportsmanship. 

If we have school age kiddos, ages 5-8 years, then we need to help them learn how to share and work together with others. For this reason, we can encourage them to ask for board games to help them learn to follow rules, play fair, be a good sport, and enjoy competition. Along this same line, encouraging school age children ask for sports equipment is a great idea. Participating in physical activity also supports the previous concepts of fairness, following rules and being a good sport as well as developing healthy lifestyle habits. To support physical activity, school age children can ask for specialized sport clothing or equipment to help them have a happy and active holiday. If our kiddos are not so much into sport, we can select full books, without pictures, that deal with the themes of fairness and justice to bolster their learning or find art supplies for these active learners. 

Older children, often called Tweens, between 9 – 12 years, grow and develop new skills that bring new concerns when it comes to gift giving. Technology use is something that worries many parents of older children and tweens. Since our kiddos at this age have not yet developed abstract thought, they don ́t have the ability to anticipate or solve problems that may arise with technology use. We know that tweens love everything online and many will be asking for smart phones or tablets at holiday time. With the right research and monitoring, phones and tablets can be adapted to allow access to apps that are age appropriate and permit appropriate engagement with technology. However, the caveat to this type of gift is that we must always monitor online activity to assure their safety. There also has to be a lot of teaching about risks and appropriate online behavior. Giving the gift of technology is also, almost, demanding that we have conversations with our kiddos about respect, privacy, cyberbullying, and coming to us when they are scared, unsure, or feeling pressured. Depending on the emotional and social development of our child, making choices about giving technology is really child-by-child decision. There are no one-size-fits-all recommendations. 

It’s important to note that there are also many gift options for tweens that are not related to technology. Board games are wonderful to help tweens learn how to strategize and reflect on their choices. Puzzles help support their development of concentration, imagination and order. Construction toys, such as Legos, help them connect their creativity and spatial intelligence. And toys with sound, such as instruments or karaoke machines, are supportive of performance and creativity. Additionally, giving experiences is also wonderful at this age and throughout adolescence. Going to the ballet, going camping, going to a specialty summer camp, eating at a fancy restaurant, or visiting a new city can all be options for our tween and teens that expand their mind. So don’t feel that technology is your only choice. There are other options that will be equally attractive and have a positive impact on our teens. 

Whatever age or stage our child is, we can be informed and make good decisions for our kiddos to support their natural development and fit perfectly with their desires. Choosing the right toys and gifts will help our children develop in a healthy way while also being fun and enjoyable, which means our little ones will play and play with their holiday gifts. 

We can choose wonderfully perfect presents for our kiddos by balancing our children’s preferences with their developmental stage, needs, and abilities. By doing so, the holiday season will be a joy for the whole family. 

I hope the information from this episode has sparked some creativity for your family and how to address this season of giving. Please don’t hesitate to share a comment or question or tip you about finding the right gift, just drop me an email at: deanna@proactiveparenting.com. And if you want to find out more about who I am and what I do, please check out my website, www.proactiveparenting.com 

You can also on Facebook and Instagram where you can connect with other parents just like you. Find me by searching for my name - Deanna Marie Mason. Finally, if you would like to purchase any of my books or online courses on Newborn Care or Breastfeeding Bootcamp, you can do so on my webpage. Again, that’s www.proactiveparenting.com. 

Thanks so much for listening, I hope you found this episode useful as we prepare for the holiday season. If you did, please leave a comment or review, and tell a friend so they can become a Proactive Parent too! 

Well, I’ll close here. This is Dr. Deanna Marie Mason signing off, for now. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Until then, take care and be well. Bye!