Self-Sabotage with Charlette Savoie

Today's guest is Charlette Savoie, the visionary behind Charvinity, a holistic business dedicated to empowering individuals on their spiritual journey.

She has a rich background as a Reiki Master, teacher, medium, intuitive reader and metaphysical mentor, as well as coach. Helping others reach their full potential, is one of Char's passions

In her interview, we discuss how self-sabotage is a common stumbling block, and she leads us through an enriching series of questions to unlock our potential. I can’t wait to share Char’s deep insights with you in today's episode on self-sabotage.

Transcript

Speaker Dar

Char, welcome in, Char. I am so excited to have you today with this deep topic and something we all need to know, overcoming self-sabotage. Before we get started, will you tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to where you're at today?

Speaker Char

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm glad to be here and to talk about this. I've been doing this work for little over 10 years now. I kind of came in in an odd way. I got into the paranormal. First, there was stuff happening that I couldn't figure out, and I went in that way, and then discovered I had gifts. And so then I kind of transformed it into doing more intuitive work and healings and things like that. And I discovered that there was a lot of skipped information when you first start things, people were like, you just do stuff. And I'm like, what? I don't just do stuff. So I dive deep into, like, how do you get started and do a lot of things? And that's the perspective that I come in at all of this, is, how do you do the basic work? How do you get past it? How do you find your own path and not try to emulate somebody else's path?

Speaker Dar

That just is so important, kind of starting at the basics.,

I was just going to say so let's define self sabotage and why it's important.

Speaker Char

Yeah, well, self sabotage is something that we all do. No matter where you are, we all do it. It's a thing. It's really important to recognize it and to understand it, because it really does hold us back in a lot of ways. So self sabotage is the things that go on within us, whether it's physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, that keep us from getting to where we need to be. And some people have self sabotage because of trauma, or they have it because of the way people talk to them, or environmental things, social things, you know, things they think they should be doing. So self sabotage is that thing that always comes in, that creeps in, whether consciously or subconsciously, that tells us we're not good enough, we can't do this. You know, putting in self doubt, raising up the fear and kind of really taking away our power from us. And yes, there's outside factors that can lead to the self sabotage, but more than always, we continue the self sabotage, and it plays over and over and over in our subconscious, and if we don't recognize that, we're doing more damage than what the original incident did that hurt us in the first place.

Speaker Dar

Thank you. I, I don't think I, I've come to the realization that it can be in all four worlds. You know that it can be mental, physical, emotional or spiritual, that you're causing yourself to self doubt or have fear, that's really? interesting. And then what is the importance of actually recognizing it? And then what?

Speaker Char

That's the big hurdle right there is recognizing it. And I think there's a lot that you just understanding that this is something that's replaying in my head that probably doesn't need to hold space there anymore. The best example I can give of this, of how self sabotage can work, it's kind of metaphorical, so hang in there with me on a conscious and a subconscious level is, and I'm going to take everybody back to 911 we were all glued to the TV. We were all like, what's happening? What's you know Is everybody okay. We were just fascinated with what was going on. And we watched that footage over and over and over and over again. But as adults, we understood that this was a replay. We understood that they're re showing the same video clip over and over again. What I didn't realize is my children, who weren't fully aware of what a recording was at the time, thought that multiple buildings were being hit over and over and over and over again. So that's kind of how the conscious and the subconscious works. So I have an incident that happens, and when something happens that triggers it or is like it, that tape plays over and over and over again, and just like my children, my subconscious doesn't realize that I'm not physically living that incident over again. So that tape…constantly playing in there until I erase it and realize I don't need to have that replay anymore. That show was canceled. We're going to get rid of that. And so that's where the trauma continues to happen and happen and happen. And your body and your spirit and your mind all have physical memory to things that have happened. We have biological responses to things, and so when that emotion or that chemical response happens, and that original incident is happening, but it's something that brings that up, we respond in all those different ways, and that's how the self sabotage happens. So maybe we don't recognize that it's connected back to something, but we have the same response within, you know, like I said, our spirit, our mind and our body, and it just responds. And that's like staying in fight or flight and we can't get out of it.

Speaker Dar

What an awesome example. Thank you. And what really stuck in my mind is that the subconscious doesn't understand replay, that that is such a big key for quite a few things that we're probably telling ourselves or reliving and we don't need to be reliving. So you touched a little bit on the inner and outer world there, and I'd like to move on about that same theme about ego versus spirit. Will you discuss a little bit of that?

Speaker Char

Yeah, and those two kind of go really hand in hand too. So our inner and our outer worlds really reflect each other. What we're doing on the inside is attracting what's happening on the outside. And I know people are going to argue with that because we don't want these horrible things to happen to us. We don't ask for these things. But the greatest book I read was “The Four Agreements”. And the one thing that stuck in my head was things wouldn't have happened to me if I didn't believe in myself that I deserve to have better, once I didn't know that I deserve to have better, those things will feel wrong. And so we can allow certain things to happen to us, and it can be as simple as somebody just saying an off the cuff comment that just kind of digs at us after a while, that we don't take as a big trauma thing at first. But so the whole thing is, when stuff is happening around you, the point is to allow your spirit to sit with it and why is this happening, and go within yourself and see what is happening inside. The ego wants to come in and get defensive and guard that. And just like, No, you can't do that. And so that's where the ego then jumps into that subconscious and pulls out all those things of like, you can't do this. Oh, but I'm not smart enough. And then you go down the whole trail of all these things that can, like, eat you up on self sabotage. And that's why letting go of the ego is really important. But then also looking at your outer world with the perspective of what is this trying to show me? And a really good example is somebody who asked me, I don't understand this, because there is a person that I see that I can't stand, like they're a liar and they're dishonest and I just can't stand them. And I'm like, I understand that. But the thing about it is, when I encounter somebody like somebody famous, or somebody, it doesn't have to be anybody you know, just you see somebody like, Oh, why do they bother you? Why? You know? And for a while I looked at this one person that's famous, not somebody I knew that I couldn't stand them, and what it was was I thought they were dishonest person, but they had the courage enough to still stand up and talk and say what they wanted to say and do what they wanted to do. And I was suffering from imposter syndrome. So it wasn't so much that their dishonesty was bothering that much. It was more the fact that I'm struggling enough to stand up and speak my own truth is what was hurting me. So that's where my self sabotaged realization came in that I needed to work on my confidence so that I could speak my truth and do what I needed to do, because that's what is important. It's not what this other person is doing, it's what do I need to do?

Speaker Dar

Yes, and I'm glad you mentioned the book of 4 agreements, for people who are really interested in this type of growth and advancement, the ego versus the spirit. You covered that beautifully, and I think it comes into play for everybody on a pretty daily basis, Speaker Char absolutely.

Speaker Dar

So how can we kind of surrender and bring in the flow? Flow into our life and and flip this script on these, on these things we've been telling ourselves probably for years,

Speaker Char

yeah, and I think that the biggest thing is the realization of just stopping when something comes up in you. Why ask yourself? Why really be truly honest with yourself. You don't have to talk about it with anybody else if you don't want to, but if you want to journal about it and write about it, but be very, very blunt and honest with yourself. Why does this bother me? You know? And it's just digging in there and figuring it out. And the cool part about it is sometimes when you even look at the things, it's not always the negative things that you see, but the good things. What are you attracted to? What are the things that light you up? What are the things that bring you joy? Why? Why do they bring you joy? And in those moments, you find where what we call the golden shadow, the things that you admire in people because you wish you had that quality more, which you do is just hidden underneath all the self sabotage, talk and conditioning and other things. So do it on a regular basis, every day. About reflecting on it like, what was good today? What did I like about that? What didn't go so well today? What about that? Do I need to know? You know? And so it's kind of looking at the world around you and within you at the same time. You know, it's a really good example too. Is when there's like, forest fires and things like that. It's sad and it's hard, and things are out of control and they're burning, and it's destruction. Well, what in you is doing the exact same thing? Look at it as a mirror, what's happening around you, what's happening inside you. There's always something inside of you that you can reflect on. It might not be obvious at first, but there's always something to reflect on. And then once you start looking at it like that, it starts to make more sense.

Speaker Dar

Thank you. With my teacher background, I of course look at it as what lessons did I learn, right? And you know what? Why did this happen? What lesson do I learn? But you're asking the same questions, what and why, and even the golden shadow I love that you included the positive so that we're because we could take this self sabotage thing down, down, down the rabbit hole with all negativity.

Speaker Char

Yeah. And it doesn't have to be, it's, it's we even self sabotage ourselves from bringing out the best in us, because we I, for some reason, I don't know, some people just are, don't want to, or they're afraid, or whatever. But when we look at the gifts that we have inside of us, how are we not showing them? How are we not bringing them to the surface? And the best way to find those is to look at the things that you admire around you, the people, the places, the acts of service, whatever it is that just brings joy to your life or just makes you go. That's what I like. You know, those are the things, and you bring those out. And I think the more that you can bring out those positive qualities when you have to face the things that are a little tougher, it's just a little bit more easier, and your spirit is more calmer because you're more in an alignment with yourself, and your spirit has more of a chance of helping You figure it out than the ego does. Yes, yes.

Speaker Dar

So we're going to get down to the nitty gritty, and you're going to lead us through an activity that we can all benefit from. Let's get into that. Yeah.

Speaker Char

So I think we kind of touched on a little bit. I think one of the things that you can do is to really just kind of sit down and just be brutally honest with yourself, pick out five things that you feel are being sabotaged. Like a big one for me was my outer appearance. I struggled with my weight. I've had an eating disorder and all these things, but I always try to fit into the norm and and I'm not trying to be stereotypical, but as women in society, we're supposed to look a certain way. We're supposed to be a certain way. And my mom also had an eating disorder, so she was always super thin, and I could never I'm her daughter. Why can't I look like her? You know? And so there was always these outside factors that nobody ever told me I had to be that way, but I grabbed onto it. And so looking at those things and then realizing. So that's not me, that's not who I am, that's not where I needed to go. It's not meant to be that way, and I will never be like my mom, because she did it in a way that's unhealthy, and I don't want to be that way. So again, it's just really sitting down and picking out those things that you feel you want to be brutally honest with your with yourself. And it can be simple things like that, if that's not really simple. But you don't have to get down to the like, total deep, darkest secret right off the bat, if you don't want to. But why can't I stick to a diet? You know? Why do I struggle with exercise? You know, pick it apart like that. Pick the layers apart. But the key to it is being very, very honest. And so if you can write down those five things and just think about it and look at it, and usually the bottom line of anything that we are self sabotaging ourselves with is fear. What are you afraid of? So then look at that topic, and what about that invokes fear? Is it the fear of not being accepted? Is it a fear of not being good enough? Is it a fear of failure? Fear usually is at the ground level of all of this, and that's your ego again. So it's really kind of picking those little pieces apart and realizing how it's constructed and how you can rebuild it and re-construct your foundation not based on fear anymore.

Speaker Dar

Yes, thank you. I was starting to do that activity just as you were speaking. So I hope that our audience is doing it as well. It Speaker Char can be tough to start. It's really tough to start, and you might make a list and just try to tackle one. Don't try to do them all at once. Just really deep dive into one.

Speaker Dar

Yes, one at a time, anything else that you think our audience needs to know about the topic

Speaker Char

As you're working through this acknowledging the role that you're playing in the self sabotage and this one might be easier to understand if you've had something happen to you in your life, where maybe somebody has done something that was hurtful, and it replays in your head and it happens, and you meet somebody else that maybe says something that's similar, like, oh, this again, but in your head that tape is playing over and over again, just like that 911 footage, and you have to acknowledge the part that you're playing in that that you're the one that's repeating that pattern. You're the one that's keeping the pattern normal in your head, and so giving yourself grace and allowing yourself to separate that pattern out and to let go of that tape or change the narrative of the tape, you know, so it doesn't have to be that way. Don't beat yourself up over it. That's the biggest thing. Don't beat yourself up over it. Now, if somebody has really hurt you, and everybody saw you have to give forgiveness. You don't have to forgive anybody. If it doesn't feel like you don't want to forgive them, you have to, don't forgive them just because you're doing the process. You have to forgive them. If you want to forgive them, that's it. The forgiveness piece that comes into this is for yourself, I need to forgive myself for constantly replaying that narrative over and over and over again and continuing the cycle of that trauma within myself. That person might have done something to me 20 years ago, but 20 years later, I'm still thinking about it. It's me that's causing the pain and the self sabotage. Now it's up to me to fix it and to change it, and you may never get closure, may never get an apology or understand why, and you don't need to. You have to flip the script. It's up to you. You are in charge, and you need to take your power back, and you need to empower yourself to move forward and no longer let that narrative have power over you.

Speaker Dar

Now we've mentioned flipping the script a couple times, because you and I both know what that is and how to do that. But could you give our audience a tangible example of flipping the script?

Speaker Char

It's just basically when those words come up in your head like, oh, you messed up again. No, I didn't mess up again. Instead of saying I messed up again. Because that's shaming myself. Now I'm doing just as much harm again to say, Oh, you tried. We'll try again tomorrow. You know, how would you talk to your best friend or a child when they're struggling and you want to encourage them to do something different or to lift them up? That's what you want to do for yourself. And the biggest thing you can do, too, is that some people will cling on to the emotional part of us. And we know as energy healers that energy is everything. Energy attracts like energy. And so the energy can get stuck in your body and in your mind and everywhere else. So if you're having a rough day and things are really kind of coming up that are causing some self sabotage. Don't claim it. So if you're angry today, which you have every right to be angry at, things happen. But don't walk around saying, Oh, I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm angry. You're claiming yourself as that emotion and that vibration and that frequency, and that's where you're going to end up getting stuck, and that's what the universe wants to send you more of. So instead of saying I'm angry, I say, You know what? I'm sure I'm just experiencing anger today, because when I say I'm experiencing anger and giving permission for that emotion to flow and to only be in an experience and not be permanent, which it's meant to be, and so I'm not making it a part of my psyche and my subconscious that that's where I live, that's who I am now, because remember that subconscious doesn't realize that this is just an experience. It's claiming it as your identity. So anytime something comes up and you want to go instantly, oh my god. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? Don't you do it. It's okay. Learn from it, and move forward. That's where the work starts, and that's how you flip the script. There is nobody that can shame ourselves more than ourselves, and so changing how you talk to yourself is so important, and that's what I mean by flipping the script.

Speaker Dar

Thank you. That was a very comprehensive example. I really appreciate that if our audience would like to continue this conversation with you or work with you on self sabotage. Can you talk a little bit about how they might go about doing that? Yeah,

Speaker Char

I do offer some self sabotage courses, and then I do one on one as well, because some people prefer to not do the group setting, and some people do so it depends on your preference. You can reach out to me on my website, which is www charvinity..com, you can also find me on Facebook under the same name, and I'd be more than happy to talk with you to see what works with you. I know some people that do the one on one session. It doesn't have to be weekly. Some people, I need to absorb this one for a couple weeks. Can we meet in a few weeks?

Absolutely, to me, it's more important that you get the information and you have the ability to process it, then to give you lessons all the time and make sure you get through it all. I'd rather have you process it and take your time through it.

Speaker Dar

Thank you. And all of the Chars information, everybody will be posted in the show notes along with the podcast, so you'll be able to go in there. You don't have to keep replaying this section to get her information. We'll have it out there in the show notes. So I want to give you a big Virtual hug Char, and thank you so much for being with us today.

Speaker Char

Thank you so much for having me. And I kind of forgot what I wanted to say too, if you wanted to just do a quick little dive into self sabotage, you can reach out to me and I'll send you a worksheet with some information that you can just kind of start touching on a couple things.

Speaker Dar

Oh, great. So Char is actually offering you a free gift of getting you started. That's great. Thank you. Char, Speaker Char yeah, absolutely. I think we all deserve to have a little bit of grace and peace and happiness within our souls.

Speaker Dar Thank you. I agree.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai