Fearless Online Dating with Deb Dutcher

Today’s guest, Deb Dutcher, is proof that love doesn’t have an expiration date. A former high-tech VP turned Certified Health Coach—and now a boomer online dating coach—Deb helps widowed and divorced women in their 50s and 60s find love again with confidence and clarity. She’s the best-selling author of Sexy, Lean and Strong After 50 and the creator of The Finding Mr. Adorable Journey, a system she developed after leaving her second marriage at 68—and meeting her own Mr. Adorable just three weeks later. 

Named one of the Top Ten Senior Dating Experts of 2024 by DatingAdvice.com and featured on DatingNews.com, Deb combines real-life dating wisdom with practical, empowering guidance. In this episode, she shares how to avoid repeating old patterns, create an honest and compelling online profile, and stay open to love—no matter your age.  If you’re ready to believe again, this conversation is for you. “Call IT in With Dar!” 

The LoveTuner
The Lovetuner is a simple flute is considered to be the vibration of love and compassion.

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Transcript

Today’s guest, Deb, is proof that love doesn’t have an expiration date. A former high-tech VP turned Certified Health Coach—and now a boomer online dating coach—Deb helps widowed and divorced women in their 50s and 60s find love again with confidence and clarity. She’s the best-selling author of Sexy, Lean and Strong After 50 and the creator of The Finding Mr. Adorable Journey, a system she developed after leaving her second marriage at 68—and meeting her own Mr. Adorable just three weeks later. Named one of the Top Ten Senior Dating Experts of 2024 by DatingAdvice.com and featured on DatingNews.com, Deb combines real-life dating wisdom with practical, empowering guidance. In this episode, she shares how to avoid repeating old patterns, create an honest and compelling online profile, and stay open to love—no matter your age.  If you’re ready to believe again, this conversation is for you.  

Speaker Dar 

Hello, welcome in to call it in, and we're going to call in such a fun topic today, before we get into this fearless online dating and meeting, Mr. Adorable. How about telling us a little bit about yourself and how you got to this point? 

Speaker Deb  

oh, Darla, it's such a fun story for me, because, as I was a health coach for 20 years, working in high tech and helping people recover from taking themselves into what I called the Mad body mountain, because you ignore your body and just keep working. I would help my gals, my widower, widowed women and divorcees get sexy, lean and strong. And I ended up having them ask me, Well, how do you get all these dates? How do you do what you do, and how do you say, and how do you make your profile pop and this and that and the other? And I thought, well, you know, that's not that hard. I can help you do that, because I was an image consultant a long, long time ago, and as a health coach, it was all about, how do you present yourself and be strong and stay energized? So I said, "Why don't I combine all of this and help people date online?" And I did that, and I remarried at 54 after my first divorce, after three years of bouncing off and on. And so as a health coach from 54 on, I was helping people while I was in my 60s, and they would be in their 50s and 60s, and I was understanding what it took to help them be successful with dating. So I just expanded that now in my 70s, and I'm having a blast, and I've got three people that got married 

Speaker Dar   

That is so fun. So let's dive into what it takes. I mean, how do we get started here with this fearless online dating? 

Speaker Deb 

You know, the thing about fearlessly online dating is you don't just jump in like I did at 51 we don't do that anymore. I actually teach people to do, to back up, to come out of whatever site they're on and really do some inventorying. It's called self-discovery. Who are you? What do you want, what don't you want, and what new things might you bring up in yourself? It's basically, I tell people, go into a cocoon, do some introspection, turn into mush, release the baggage and come out as a most adorable butterfly so you can go find your Mr. Adorable. 

Speaker Dar  

How fun. So what are some things that people discover about themselves? 

Speaker Deb   

Most people discover that they have been doing something called repeating whatever wasn't good in their marriage. Sometimes they either repeat it with a boyfriend, sometimes they go back into some abusive situations, or they get involved with a narcissist, and the real problem is helping them hold up a mirror to see what's going on inside. One of the other issues is they will just try to be whatever the guy wants, instead of holding out for what they want. Because they're afraid. They're afraid they're too old, or it's too late, or nobody's going to want them because they were programmed, like I was in my second marriage by a very, very emotionally abusive man. 

Speaker Dar 

Oh, that just sounds true for me. I have a friend who just thought that because she's 82 she didn't deserve much. She was lucky to have a boyfriend. 

Speaker Deb   

Yeah, that's exactly what happened. And usually, the women who have been through what I call, you know, marriage hell. I have a long time recovering from that. I'm working with someone right now up in Canada, and she's been divorced five years, and she still is struggling with self-confidence, but she wasn't dating at all when she started talking to me, and now she's all going on dates, and she's managing how she's going to approach them and what to say and how to say it. Wow. 

Speaker Dar  

So great. Even baby steps count. So let's talk about some of your favorite case studies. Without mentioning any names. 

Speaker Deb 

I think my very first favorite case study is back before I actually named myself a boomer Online Dating Coach. While I was a health coach, one of my clients had been married three times, had lost her husband right around Christmas, her third husband. She was divorced, then widowed, then widowed again, and she was at the point where she wanted to connect. She wanted to have someone that cared about her, and it was before I came up with any of my special approaches, but instinctively, I helped her create a profile. We took pictures of how she looked. We helped her lose 50 pounds, and we took a picture. We put it out. We did it on a dating site that I don't recommend using anymore, but she actually dated a couple guys, and she's been married now to one of them for three years. 

Speaker Dar 

All right, so divorce, widow. Widow and now married for three years. I'd say that's a pretty fun success story. 

Speaker Deb  

That's a good one. My most recent one is the first girl I coached. I say girl, she's 73 now, but I started posting about dating coaching and dating in general on TikTok, and ended up with several clients. And my first client just got married to her fourth husband in September. 

Speaker Dar   

And I call that a win, a win win win. 

Speaker Deb 

And I want those who don't want to be married. I have a 77-year-old client who is a widow, and she had not dated for 40 years, and now, after we work together, she's now dating a great guy. Her Mr. Adorable, and they're living in separate homes, and they're just having the best time of their life in their 70s. 

Speaker Dar  

Well, I can certainly understand that story, me too, about addressing just you know, that most of my listeners are female, so how about entertaining them a little bit with a male coaching story? 

Speaker Deb   

What I find when I coach the men is they have this laundry list of things they want. You know, we should be slim. We should be active, we should be fit, we should be pretty. We do all these things. And I'm looking at the guy going, you're extremely out of shape. You are impatient. You want someone who you know going to treat you, right? Well, how are you going to treat them? So with men, it's kind of like an attitude adjustment. I take them through the same process we go through, who are you? What do you want, what don't you want, and how are you going to represent the person who will attract that? And sometimes they just sit back and look at themselves. And I have had good results with my male clients. We end up putting up a profile where they are honest and they don't lie about their age, and they use a real picture, and they learn how to properly approach the women. My favorite guy is when I asked him, What is the most important thing to you? He said, eyes and smile And I thought that was powerful. I like him too. Yeah, he was definitely someone that I felt met the Mr. Adorable criteria, absolutely. 

Speaker Dar  

So just for the fun of it, will you take us through some questions like you asked some of your clients. 

Speaker Deb  

So I have a little 20 questions to see if you're ready to date online. It's actually prep for a boot camp, which launches again in January. And what I want people to understand is that no answer is right or wrong. If you can't answer an emphatic yes or you're not sure, you may need some help. So there's 20 Questions. I won't give you all of them. But what I have found is, when I'm coaching clients, these are the most important questions that will prepare them to be able to date online successfully. That first question, do you know who you are, what you want? And. And what you don't want. The second question is, have you set aside at least one afternoon and one evening open each week to date? Mindfully, many of my professional gals don't realize that if they can't give a guy at least an afternoon and an evening on a weekly basis, someone who's seeking companionship, it's not going to work. Then, are you comfortable handling potential scammers? Are you comfortable initiating conversations? Is your profile interesting and strong enough that they won't perceive you as boring, needy or vulnerable, and do you have current photos that make you feel and look adorable and cute? So that's just a few of the 20 Questions, and it's important that we take people through. I take people, both male and female, through these 20 Questions. Because in the two and a half years I've been coaching and the 10 years I dated online, off and on, off and on, I find if you can't answer these 20 Questions I've put together, you're going to have a problem dating online, you probably need to get some coaching first. Interesting. 

Speaker Dar 

Those are great questions. It'll be fun to discover a little bit more working with you. So how about the gift that you have on your website? Could you tell us a little bit about what's available there? 

Speaker Deb  

That's seven easy hacks to win online dating. And I put it together a couple of years ago, and it's still valid, and it's kind of the kickoff for the boot camp. So once people have that checklist that I 

read some of those questions and the little hacks, I recommend they book a strategy call with me to debrief what is coming up for them based on going through the hacks and having listened to this, and then anything that they bring to the table that I can help them flesh out. It's a 30-minute free fearless dating strategy. 

Speaker Dar 

Wow, that sounds exciting. A Fearless dating strategy call, exactly. Is there anything else that you're feeling called to share with our audience as they're getting interested in what you have to offer. 

Speaker Deb  

I think the most important thing I like to share with people is don't let yourself be brought down, either by current events or by family or friends saying you're too old. Why do you care about dating? My most recent client is 77 and she has been a widow for four years. Her family was not being super supportive, but she met me at a dance and found out I had a boyfriend at 73 found out I coached people on how to do that, and now she has a boyfriend. We finished our coaching cycle a couple months ago. Took her a little bit to get going on the right dating sites. We had to kind of poke around to see which one works. But she's got a great guy. She found her Mr. Adorable. And I just want people to understand I'm 73. I've been with my guy for three years. It took me a few years to find the right man, and I went through some okay relationships, but now I'm with my Mr. Adorable, and we're committed and bonded and exclusive. And it's been three years. It'll be three years. February. Never give up. Never say Never.  you're not too old and it's never too late. 

Speaker Dar   

Oh, you're not too old and it's never too late. Two of my favorite sayings, Thank you, Deb. It's been a joy to have you with us today, 

Speaker Deb  

I have so enjoyed it, Darla, thank you so much for inviting me. You. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai