Building Trust at Work & Home with Shirley Sutton

Who do people become when they're around you? Do they feel heard... valued... safe? Or do they leave feeling unseen? Whether you're leading a team, raising a family, supporting a friend, or simply having a conversation with someone you love, trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Yet it's something we often assume is there instead of intentionally building. 

Today on Call IT in With Dar, I'm joined by leadership coach and People & Culture expert Shirley Sutton for a conversation about Building Trust at Work and Home. Shirley shares why trust isn't built through perfection or position—it's built through authenticity, consistency, and the way we show up every single day. 

We'll explore how our identity shapes our relationships, why people remember how we make them feel, and how becoming more self-aware can transform not only the way others see us, but the way we see ourselves. 

If you've ever wanted stronger relationships, deeper connection, and greater influence—whether at work or around your own kitchen table—this conversation is for you. Let's Call IT in With Dar!

Transcript

Who do people become when they're around you? Do they feel heard... valued... safe? Or do they leave feeling unseen? Whether you're leading a team, raising a family, supporting a friend, or simply having a conversation with someone you love, trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Yet it's something we often assume is there instead of intentionally building. Today on Call IT in With Dar, I'm joined by leadership coach and People & Culture expert Shirley Sutton for a conversation about Building Trust at Work and Home. Shirley shares why trust isn't built through perfection or position—it's built through authenticity, consistency, and the way we show up every single day. We'll explore how our identity shapes our relationships, why people remember how we make them feel, and how becoming more self-aware can transform not only the way others see us, but the way we see ourselves. If you've ever wanted stronger relationships, deeper connection, and greater influence—whether at work or around your own kitchen table—this conversation is for you. Let's Call IT in With Dar  

Speaker Dar

I'm so excited to welcome you in today, Shirley, and our topic is to create trust at work and home. But before we jump in, please tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got into this work? 

Speaker Shirley 

Great, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here and have the conversation because work for me really sits in the intersection of your personal growth, your leadership, your identity shift that goes with it, which obviously impacts a lot of what also happens at home. So, a lot of the transformation that I've seen when I was in corporate, which has been my grassroots, have really been you know when people were promoted. It's not really, it's not just about the title, but it's also the work that they do. But they're expected to suddenly lead at work, and you know, I think a lot of that actually plays a lot with, you know, not just at work, but everything that we do in life. And that's how I came up with this authority shift, which is really transitioning individual contributors, managers to leaders. 

Speaker Dar 

Yes, and we'll be talking a little bit about the authority shift method as we dive in. But would you just address pretty much in general, what you've seen about that big emotional word, trust. 

Speaker Shirley 

Yes, trust is really for me. It's very important, you know, wherever we are, especially when it comes to leadership, where people that report to you really need to feel that they are being trusted with the work that they do. No one likes being micromanaged, but I think for the manager as well, it's also good to know that your team trusts you and you can trust them. Okay, it's very different. You know, it's a very different energy and vibe when people don't feel like they are being trusted and being looked over, and a lot of that as well. When you're going into work, when you're going into work, you also want to feel that your team. There is that psychological safety that the manager is actually providing, that you know no one is feeling burnt out and not being able to speak up when they feel like they're no longer able to handle the work. 

Speaker Dar 

Emotional safety is really huge, and I'm just gonna step out on a limb here, and I'm gonna say, especially females in some of our more predominantly male cultures in some of the workplaces. Do you think that that still is a problem today? 

Speaker Shirley 

Yeah, I do believe it is still. You know, a lot of people, obviously, a lot of females do race it, and I think now with so much flexibility and hybrid workplace and things like that, it's it's it's becoming less, but I think there is still a big proportion of you know having to juggle, especially those ones with young children, having to juggle the work life balance, especially in this day and age where work life balance and flexibility can also very mean different. You know, work actually follows you at home. You know, the old nine to five roles are becoming less and less, and a lot of you know a lot of females do carry a lot of that work stuff at home. And even though you know, if you've got your child picked up, you're picking them up. You know, you come home. You might be home at 330 or 4p.m after school, but work still happens when you actually get home. And I think it's really that you know they're probably not really racing it because they just don't have time. You know they've got so much happening at home. They're going to work, and you're just in back-to-back meetings and stuff like that, you know. The more senior you are, as well as in the role, the more in demand you are when you're actually in meetings in the office. You know, when you're leading a team, it's even more so the workload and it actually takes a lot of toll emotionally for you, and which is why, you know, being a leader. It's so important to be able to delegate. You're empowering other people, so you're not actually carrying all the workload yourself, and then you go home, and you know even more so that you're that you're dealing with it. Yeah, so I think it is still there, and it's you know there's a lot of conversations that happen around it, but I think it is still actually there in the workplace, and which is why probably a lot of conversations are still happening around that work-life balance, even more so today. 

Speaker Dar  

Yes, work-life balance. I think that's also a very big topic. Could you dive into your method a little bit for us. It's called the authority shift method, and I know it's your personalized system. 

Speaker Shirley  

Yeah. So in corporate, I was working with a lot of managers and leaders that were recently promoted, and a lot of the times, I could see, you know, straight after they get that promotion, it's on. You know, like you're already there. You're leading a team. You've got additional tasks. It's almost like you're a different person. You're like an upgraded version. However, I've seen a lot of people who haven't really thrived in it quite as quickly as others because they're still dealing with that identity shift. You know, they're still and in their head they're still actually an individual contributor, and which is why I feel that a lot of people don't actually do the personal branding and revisit it. It's really about knowing who you are as a person, who you want to be seen as, how you want to be seen as a leader. Because when you do move into that role, you're not just responsible for your own performance. You're in. You're actually responsible for everyone's performance, you know. And you just don't want to be coming in as a manager when things are already going wrong, as an escalation, and that's how I actually came up with this authority to shift managers to leaders. So today, I still help a lot of leaders doing the same thing, which I actually observed in corporate. I also have clients now that are entrepreneurs managing their own business, especially those ones that have you know come from corporate and have started their own, that have been running you know running their business on their own because it's very different when you no longer have that team to bounce back ideas and you're running it on your own and it's such a big identity shift moving into it. It's a little, you know, I kind of, you know, bring it back to being just me as a person. And then when I moved into my new identity as a mum, it was almost like an overnight shift that, you know, I knew I was going to have a child, but it's not until the baby comes out and it's like, oh, there's another person I'm responsible to. It's a little bit like that. It's almost like you do have to change your mindset that this is what it is today. It's not just about you making sure you're doing your work, but it's also ensuring that you are, you know, overseeing the rest of your team, and that's how actually you know it's a 90-day program, and it really goes through you know it looks at a person's motivation, their values, a lot of those things. It's actually I work people through to get that transformation, really moving them from A to B individual contributor to people leader, or you know, a mid-manager into senior leadership, because I think a big part of that is really that identity shift, and I really tie it back to personal branding, which a lot of people don't really revisit. 

Speaker Dar  

Yes, and I love that you ask that question, like who are you now, according to your motivation and your values, or who are you now, or who do you want to be, and how do you want to be seen? I think that even just in living, we need to ask those questions. Let alone trying to transfer from, like you said, being a manager to a leader. That is a big personal change. 

Speaker Shirley 

Yeah, 

Speaker Dar 

I like the analogy of being a mother too, because that's what I mean. There's certain things that happen in our lives, and we just need to ask, who do I want to be now? How do I want to be seen? 

Speaker Shirley 

Absolutely. 

Speaker Dar 

So, could you give us some examples of some of the clients you've worked with? We'll keep. Their names are confidential, but some of the client transformations you've been able to see in your work. 

Speaker Shirley 

Yeah, there's a few. One that I could probably think of is this particular client of mine who came to me because she felt that she was stuck in her career. That's normally how it comes. Given that you know my background is in HR and recruitment, so you know as a leadership coach, you know she came to me thinking you know she felt stuck in her career. She didn't feel like she was going to go anywhere, and you know, we obviously talked through how the program could help. On the surface, she believed the problem was professional. You know, she was like, she's hating it. You know, going in there day in and day out. You know, going home, opening her laptop, doing all of that, and she wasn't really feeling energized anymore. She's like, I need to find something better. You know, am I still on the right path? Am I still in the right industry? So, she came to me thinking she needed a new role. She needed to build more confidence. She wanted to help with her career path. You know, do I need a stronger voice in my line of work, how do I progress? So she was quite frustrated, and you know she had the skills, the experience. She still had that drive and ambition. If not, she wouldn't have invested in herself. But something really felt blocked for her. So part of my sessions I do, you're probably familiar with, is the will of life. So, the will of life. You know, I had a look at her career, her business, her mental health, her health, health itself, her finance, spiritual spirituality, her relationship, and you know, relationship. You can divide it into various areas. So, is it your work relationship, your love relationship, your family relationship, and we really really assess the whole picture as a whole. And what became really clear to me was when we were talking. You know, it's not just her career, which is in isolation, and which is why I like to do the wheel of life analysis. It really is connected to all those parts of her life. So when we actually assess and we revisit the wheel, her personal life actually had a big change. You know, she had a new relationship, and she really likes the guy, obviously, and it was getting quite serious. And in an instant, she became almost like a stepmom, you know, because it was a single dad, all of that. And even though she didn't think it was impacting her. It was actually taking up a lot of emotional energy that she had very little to give in her career. She, you know, a lot of the conversations a lot I had with her, she was adjusting with that new relationship with that child because she was almost like, you know, she's working on a new relationship, and then she's also winning at this, you know, this acceptance from the child, which she didn't realize she was trying to win that that acceptance from the child, and it was actually taking a lot of time and energy, you know, and it was actually leaking in her professional life, so she was carrying this uncertainty, this stress, and she really felt disconnected personally from, you know, this career-driven woman. Now I'm like a mom that I didn't prepare for, and it's quite different when you're in a relationship with someone who already has adult children versus a school age child, so you know we then realized that it wasn't her career that was actually the problem, because once we addressed that, it was quite emotional for her when in the conversation when we had unblocked it. That's actually what was showing up in her career, so it wasn't really the career that we needed to adjust. You know, the dynamic in her relationship changed once she was actually aware of what it was. Something really shifted, and her confidence came back. Right, you know, she was more clear about what she needed to do. She could almost find her new identity in the three relationships, and you know, as the weeks progressed, you could really see that you know she was like you know the child you know how they do those drawings at school. The child was actually including her in the drawing. 

Speaker Shirley   

And you know that was really quite touching for her. So she, it was almost like a validation that she was progressing in that relationship, and you know we're able to move forward. Her work started looking better, and pretty much all areas of her life. So that's probably one, you know, recent transformation that I've seen. And sometimes it's not about why I am not progressing. It's really where in my life am I actually out of alignment, and it actually affects the way it shows up. You know, and this is probably one example of you know looking at it not just from work, but like you don't. It's not just an isolation, but it actually impacts all areas of your life. 

Speaker Dar  

Yes, I love that example, and of course, I'm partial towards using the wheel of life analysis myself in life coaching, so I know what that's like. But what a great example of how that affected three or more areas of her life for sure. Yeah, and sometimes we just don't recognize the root of the problem or what it is, where the block is. And you really helped her just see where it was. That can be very. 

Speaker Shirley  

she didn't even know that it was that, and I was like, there would have to be, you know, somewhere, you know. And I revisited: is it finance? Are you? Did you purchase something big that you really want, you know, a progression, or you know, and it was that because she didn't think that subconsciously she wanted the approval to be accepted by the child more than the boyfriend itself, you know. So yeah, sometimes we don't really, yeah we were so focused on how you communicate at work and all of that, but it was actually we were looking at a different area. But thankfully, we know we got there quite early on. 

Speaker Dar  

Absolutely. So I think this would be a good time to lead our audience through a reflection exercise, especially after giving us such a great transformational example, there. 

Speaker Shirley 

Yeah. So a lot of the time, our purpose and our motivation for work, you know, I really do point it out that it has to be aligned to, you know, your values and your boundaries and things like that. So, if you've got a pen and paper or if you're listening to these driving, I'd really like for you to. There's probably three questions I'll ask: to ask yourself, where am I trying to prove myself? Where could I be creating space for others to grow? And I'd really like for you to sit with this one and really think about what is one conversation, or I'd like for you to pause or question that you could practice this week that could help you lead with more trust, clarity, and calm. So I might just say that again. So what conversation that you could practice this week that could help you lead with more trust, more clarity, and more calm? Because as we said, you know, leadership transformation, identity transformation is not something that happens in theory. That you're like, okay, I'm now this title, and you know, all these things are just going to happen. Signing a document, you know, the small shift, and the trust becomes the foundation of that real relationship. And at the same time, I'd also like for you to think about where you were 12 months ago, and is this actually where you envisioned yourself today? If you think back 12 months ago, what was your goal, your dream, your version of yourself that you were quietly helping to step into? Was it a leadership role? Was it a bigger team? Was it more confidence? Was it changing the industry? And maybe it is part of you that you know you wanted to be heard or seen differently or recognize-is that actually where you're at today? So hopefully that does help you, you know, look back to where you were before, and then see-you know-has there been a big progress to where you are today, and not just from a title perspective. You know, really think about the whole aspects of your work life, home life, relationships, your health. Are you progressing in your career? But is your health actually costing you? So really think about you know, and I think that's a kind of a good you know assessment in terms of are you actually progressing? Are you actually hitting the goals that you've set for yourself before, and compare it to where you are today? And I'd really encourage you to do the personal branding checklist, which I will be giving you today. It doesn't take a lot of time. I've really narrowed it down to you know no more than 15 minutes for you to really use that as a reflection to help you move forward, I hope that makes sense. 

Speaker Dar 

Yes, and that was my next question: was to define personal brand a little bit, and then the impact it has on your overall aspects from your wheel of life. 

Speaker Shirley 

Sorry for me to to define it, or for our our listeners 

Speaker Dar 

to define it for our listeners, so they would know why they would want to take the personal brand quiz. What are the reasons why we want to take that? 

Speaker Shirley 

So personal branding. A lot of people, you know, think it's just a corporate thing. I actually really and the reason why I always bring it up when I talk about your career and leadership is the fact that personal brand. You know, the company has its own brand. The company that you're working for has its own image. But personal branding is really what people say about you when you're not in the room. Okay, you be. Be a positive thing rather than you know they overwork, they can't read a room that I'm burnt out or things like that. You know you want it to be, you know this manager had such an impact on my career. I'm here today because they really guided me and they really empowered me. You know that's what you know is that the type of leader that you actually want to show up? It's also a good assessment of how you think. You know what's actually the energy that you're bringing in the room. What's the energy that you're bringing to the team? You know, and I mentioned before about that whole psychological safety in the workplace. You know, with this whole work-life balance, flexibility, you know, there's actually more work that we're taking at home rather than how it was before. When you finish work, you know, you just leave it there. But now with technology, you're really taking a lot of that stuff with you. And personal branding, it's you know, it's something that people probably would say, "I've done it years ago. I don't have to do it again, because how you are today, you know, going back to the reflection is how you are today. Hopefully, you have grown from where you were years ago to what you're trying to achieve now, which is always good to revisit the whole personal branding because people want to work. At the end of the day, if someone was to choose, do I accept role A or role B? And you know, a lot of the time, if you are moving within the same industry, people already know that person, so there is already that reputation out there of who do you actually want to attract to work with you in the team? So I really do encourage everyone to just pause and think about how you actually want to show up, and you know where do you want to take yourself and the team forward in the future. 

Speaker Dar  

Yes, I love that you mention what energy you want to bring into the room, and this doesn't have to be the workplace. This can be what energy do you want to bring in to the room in all aspects of your life, and we've all gone into a room where you know they've been talking about something really negative, sobering, even maybe you know damaging, and the whole room feels heavy, and you're not, you don't feel welcome at all walking into the room, and then the reverse of that, you walk into a room when everything seems bright and welcoming, and I think sometimes we underestimate energy in. Those situations. What do you think? 

Speaker Shirley   

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. 

Speaker Dar 

And so, if a person like you said, if you know your personal brand and you know what you want your presence to be, whether it's a manager or a leader or a member of a team, that just seems so important to me, and would be a reason to certainly take your personal brand quits. 

Speaker Shirley   

Yes, and I'll include that on the link. 

Speaker Dar  

Great, we'll have it in the show notes. Now, before we conclude, is there anything else that you really feel we need to discuss or leave our listeners with today? 

Speaker Shirley 

Yeah, look, leadership is-it's not just a title. Okay, for me, this is really where this is really why I believe leadership is really about the responsibility you have, not just for yourself but for your team, because it actually really lives, you know, how you influence people. It is really you really have that responsibility for the environment that you create around them. So it's a little bit for me. It's a little bit more than just where you fit in the org chart. It's really how you influence and the legacy that you leave with a team and the organization. 

Speaker Dar   

Yes, I love that you mentioned leadership legacy. That just seems so important. Thank you so much for being with us today, as we covered many topics and areas around trust, and you gave such a wonderful example of transformation and what it's like sometimes, where we think one thing is the problem, and yet the block or the problem might be in a totally different area of life. So, thank you for bringing that in for us to share, Shirley. It was such a privilege to have you with me today. 

Speaker Shirley 

Thanks so much for having me, Darla. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai