Ripples of Resilience

Episode 3: Resilience Unleashed: Building Inner Strength

• Jana Marie Foundation • Season 1 • Episode 3

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When life gets tough, what makes the difference between crumbling under pressure and finding the strength to move forward? The answer lies in resilience – not as an innate trait some lucky few possess, but as a skill we can all develop and nurture in ourselves and our children.

Dr. Peter Montminy joins host Marisa Vicere to break down what resilience truly means beyond the buzzwords. Rather than simply "bouncing back" from adversity, resilience involves adapting to stressors while maintaining psychological well-being and finding purpose despite challenges. The conversation dismantles common myths, revealing that resilience isn't something you're either born with or without – it's a capacity that grows with practice and support.

Through personal stories of parenting challenges and eldercare struggles, the hosts illustrate how resilience works in real life. Whether it's allowing a frustrated child to work through difficulties or navigating the complex emotions of caring for aging parents, these moments teach us to be comfortable with discomfort. The episode offers practical strategies anyone can implement: developing self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, building connections, finding purpose, and distinguishing between what we can and cannot control.

Parents and caregivers will appreciate the actionable advice for fostering resilience in children without solving all their problems for them. The hosts emphasize that when we step in too quickly to rescue kids from challenges, we unintentionally communicate that we don't believe they're capable of handling difficulty themselves. Instead, collaborative problem-solving builds both skills and confidence.

Ready to transform how you and your family face life's inevitable challenges? Listen, subscribe, and join the movement to create ripples of resilience that grow into powerful waves of change in your community.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for immediate support.

This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation and A Mindful Village.

Jana Marie Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization located in State College, Pennsylvania which harnesses the power of creative expression and dialogue to spark conversations build connections, and promote mental health and wellbeing among young people and their communities. Learn more at Jana Marie Foundation.

A Mindful Village is Dr. Peter Montminy's private consulting practice dedicated to improving the mental health of kids and their caregivers. Learn more at A Mindful Village | Holistic Mental Health Care for Kids.

Music created by Ken Baxter.

(c) 2025. Jana Marie Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

This podcast was developed in part under a grant number SM090046 from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The views, policies, and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of SAMHSA, HHS or the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services.

Marisa Vicere:

Thank you. Welcome to Ripples of Resilience podcast by Jana Marie Foundation, where we dive into the heart of supporting young minds. I'm your Marisa Vicere, president and founder of Jana Marie Foundation. Thank you for coming on this journey with us. We know that small ripples can create powerful waves of change. The Ripples of Resilience podcast provides parents, caregivers and educators with practical tools and insights to support children's mental health, emotional resilience and well-being. Health, emotional resilience and well-being. Each episode covers strategies for fostering open communication, building resilience and creating safe nurturing environments where young minds can thrive. Today, we're diving into the heart of this podcast resilience what it is, why does it matter and how can we build more of it in the lives of our children and ourselves. And how can we support more of it in the lives of our children and ourselves, and how can we support our youth through life's inevitable ups and downs. I'm thrilled to be joined by our resident expert, dr Peter Montminy, a clinical child psychologist, certified mindfulness teacher and parenting coach from a mindful village. Welcome, dr Peter Montminy.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, hi, Marisa, glad to be back, thank you.

Marisa Vicere:

Thank you so much for making time to be here today with us. So let's jump right in. We hear the word resilience a lot these days, especially when we're talking about mental health or overcoming challenges, but what does it really mean?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Resilience is the ability to successfully adapt to life stressors. It's maintaining a psychological well-being and sense of stability while adapting to the adversity that you're facing. Sometimes we talk about the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences, but it's also about moving forward with a life of meaning and purpose, being able to focus on and do what is important to you, what matters to you, even in the face of stressors and demands that might be overwhelming you. How can we ride those waves and get through it successfully? Recent studies have even shown that you can turn post-traumatic stress into post-traumatic growth and even find the gifts or the way, the strengths that might come from facing adversity. The old adage you know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Now we don't mean to just be blasé about it and wish people struggles, but there is the capacity to say I can get through hard things and in doing so, I become stronger. That's what we like about resilience, I think, but of course it's a core thing you do as well, your thoughts.

Marisa Vicere:

Yeah, resilience is so important in our life and, like you said, it's not about toughing it out or never struggling. We all have ups and downs in our lives that we have to deal with and overcome and, like you said, I really feel like we can grow through it. We have to have strength, we have to have perseverance, we have to be willing to endure some uncomfortable feelings in that process, which is never really easy to do Not something we ever really want to sign up for taking on but when we're able to do so, we can really come to just find the opportunities through those different challenges that we've had in the past.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, 100%. I spend a lot of time with kids and families these days, teaching kids and their parents how to be comfortable with discomfort.

Marisa Vicere:

Yes, tricky, definitely a tricky thing, but it's so important because that's where we can grow, that's where conversations can stem from, and we can really be there to support one another in those times.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Because life has a lot of uncomfortable moments, so it's unrealistic to think we or our kids should be eternally happy or comfortable. We have to learn how to be okay in some of those difficult moments. So yeah, today let's play with how to build resilience and help kids do that.

Marisa Vicere:

Absolutely. I feel like, when we talk about resilience, that there's still some misconceptions that are out there. So, for example, we often hear you're either born resilient or you're not. But from everything I have learned, resilience is a skill. It can be nurtured, especially when we can create environments that really support it. And I'm wondering, dr Montminy, what are some other truths about resilience that are important to note?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Well, you hit on the main one right. It's not. You have it or you don't. That fixed mindset is not helpful. We want to bring a growth mindset to. These characteristics are absolutely teachable, learnable and growable.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

So I agree with you with that, recognizing that it's always, all of our experiences are a combination of nature and nurture right, what I call temperament and environment. So when we think about our kiddos, any of us who have been parents of more than one kid we know we can parent the same way. But different kids come wired into the world you know slightly differently and might respond to it differently. So partly each kid has their own temperament and is wired to be maybe more sensitive or emotionally intense or less emotionally intense or more comfortable approaching new situations or more cautious in situations. So there's certainly a biological component or sensitivity factor, but within that there is a huge range of opportunity for either growing your capacity to do better or shrinking it by the environmental input. So bottom line, our caregiving input to our kids is a huge influence.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

As parents, we don't get all the credit when things go well, we don't get all the blame when things go bad, but we own an important piece of the puzzle to help shape and grow kids' skills, and today we're talking about the emotional skills of coping with difficulties when they arise. And there are so many things we can actually teach and grow and that can get bigger and stronger with the keyword practice, right Practice. So we'll talk more about that in a minute. So you mentioned that that's a key thing.

Marisa Vicere:

I agree.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

We want to dispel the myth that you either have it or you don't, and even a little bit that it's internal to you. You can build internal resilience, coping skills and strengths, but another big part of resilience is the external support around you and how to use the caregiving environment and social connections and supports around you. So let's think about resilience isn't just on the individual, it's on our collective community, caregiving community as well, and we want to build both aspects of that. Yeah.

Marisa Vicere:

Absolutely. I sometimes hear it being referred to as resilience is like a muscle and we have to practice, and whatever we practice grows stronger, and so we want to be practicing those skills that we know are so important. But before we get into building those skills, let's bring this to life with a story. So, dr Matmini, would you be open to sharing a time when you had to tap into your own resilience?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Well, I I can think of one very currently, right now, and it's elder care of my elderly parents and needing to get them into assisted care and take care of them here now and my father recently passed away and my mother with dementia requires a lot of care and a lot of perseverance through a lot of life changes on the opposite end of the spectrum from all the developmental changes of raising our kids on the opposite end of the spectrum from all the developmental changes of raising our kids.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

That's the funny thing. I'm kind of raising now, helping to raise and be around my grandkids while we also take care of a grandparent. So you know, we don't get to control what's going to be put on a plate, we just get to control how we're going to respond to it, and I find that the tools that I teach every day in trying to grow regulation and resilience in kids and therapy office and in the schools applies very much to me, remembering how I can walk that talk, and I need to use some of those tools we'll talk about to get through those life challenges I'm facing right now.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

How about you?

Marisa Vicere:

Yeah, thank you for being willing to share with us. I know for me, one thing that comes to mind is my child. I have a 10-year-old who is just amazing, and I know as a parent I never loved to see him have that discomfort. Yet I also know the importance of it, and so he is a rock climber a very avid rock climber, loves going to the gym and the other day just having a really off day.

Marisa Vicere:

You know those days that we all have where nothing seems to go the right way, and when we're in those situations it's so easy as a parent to want to jump in and take away that pain that they're feeling or that discomfort that they're having and say you know, let's just go home, let's just start fresh tomorrow and see what the day has. But it's also really important to allow our kids to have those moments where they have to work through, and that's something that we really worked on the other day at the gym is okay, we're feeling this way, we're feeling frustrated. These are big challenges that just aren't coming easy today, and what are you going to do with that? How are you going to take that discomfort and figure out a way through it? So I think. For me, it's also allowing us to have those parenting moments where we're with them. You know, we're still supporting, we're still being compassionate and we're allowing some of them to figure it out.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, right on being there and doing it with them not doing it for them Absolutely and saying, yeah, it's a tough space right now. We're not bailing out, take a minute and you'll figure a way through this, and showing that you. When we problem solve for our kids too much, there's this subtle negative side effect. It actually communicates to the kid that we don't believe that they're strong enough to prevail.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

We don't believe in them and we don't realize we come from good intentions. We want to really take care of them and help relieve their suffering and when we do that too much we're giving them a subtle message of we don't believe they can take care of themselves. So being able to hold firm in a loving way and let your kiddo work through those difficult moments in the rock wall or whatever, it's just a beautiful way, I think, to embody what we're talking about today.

Marisa Vicere:

One of the programs that Jana Marie Foundation has here is something called Compassion Resilience, and we do it for the caregiver. It really helps us think about that collaborative problem solving. It's not always about taking on everybody else's problems and using all of our energy and not having enough for our own self or our own well-being, but instead taking those moments for that reflection, looking at what are my boundaries I have right now and that I need to have right now, and then how do I work with that individual to come up with some kind of collaborative problem solving moment. And I think that's so true whether we're looking at parenting our young kids or supporting our parents as they're getting older, wherever we are on that spectrum, yeah absolutely the key word that we put there right, that I know you put there intentionally collaborative problem solving Again, joining with, doing, with, not for or to.

Marisa Vicere:

Yeah, and that's just one strategy that's out there that people can use to help build resiliency. What are some of the other practical, everyday strategies that we can use to grow our own resilience, as well as those around us?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Awareness, self-acceptance or self-compassion, and then self-regulation. Self-awareness, again, is pausing and recognizing mindfully, being aware of wait a minute what is here right now, what are my triggers, what's going on around me right now and what's going on inside of me, what do I feel in my body, the sensations, what thoughts are playing in my mind, and can I notice with a compassionate and accepting awareness right here, right now. This is happening right here, right now. I'm aware that my body's doing this, or I'm having the urge to pop somebody in the nose or to run screaming from the room. Pause, breathe, name it to tame it, recognize it, accept it and name it to tame it, which leads us, then, to your self-regulation abilities to let me think how I'm going to respond to this, not just react to it. So it's related to the mindful solutions approach, then, that you often hear me talk about, and we can remember to pause, let me notice what's here now around me and inside me, breathe, accept and make peace with that. This is difficult for me, it's a difficult moment, and then choose how I'm going to respond to it and step into it.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

A big part of that and I know you and I really both feel strongly about this is we need to teach kids today more and more about distress tolerance and, as you were just saying, you have a program for caregivers as well If we don't begin with us being able to accept distress not just in ourselves but accepting distress in our children, if we can't accept that a kiddo can be distressed and we can go yeah, sometimes you're upset, that's okay, kids get upset, we get upset Once you start modeling that and you have to really embody that first right.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

So you have to take the self-care to get to a place where you can feel grounded in the presence of a distraught child. Then we can be that anchoring, that grounding base for that kiddo and they can learn I can feel distressed and it's not the end of the world. I can feel distressed and I don't have to be rescued. I can feel distressed and work through it. So that is also a skill that can be built and a very important tool. I know that we want to focus on yeah.

Marisa Vicere:

I also think connection is really important when it comes to building our resiliency Absolutely so sometimes life can just feel heavy, and so cultivating those caring relationships with the people around you can give you somebody that you can lean on in those tougher moments and helps us remember that we're not alone in our struggles, and so those support systems really provide that encouragement, perspective and even that listening ear. So sometimes we don't need someone to solve our problem, but we just need a space where we can say it out loud, and once we do that, we might be able to figure out those next steps forward. But we just need someone there to listen to what it is that we're saying. So some ways that we can also foster that connection is starting a daily gratitude practice, so jotting down the things that went really well for the day, whether they're big things like conquering that rock well or getting to eat breakfast for dinner, whatever it might come up right as well as just writing gratitude letters to the people around us, remembering to thank them and sharing with them how important they are in our lives.

Marisa Vicere:

I think another key component, too, is purpose. So it gives us a reason to keep moving forward. It helps ground us even when there are those setbacks that are coming to us, and so wanting to just know our values and identifying goals can help us navigate those difficulties that we have in life. That might be moving, so taking that morning walk. It could be being intentional about how we're spending five minutes in the morning, so sitting down with a cup of coffee and really being intentional about drinking that cup of coffee. It may even be creating a poster, like a goal poster, of where you want to be in five years or 10 years. And I think, when we can invest in the connection and the purpose, that it stops resilience, just stops being that skill for hard times, but instead becomes a way of living with strength and hope and meaning.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, beautiful, absolutely. You know there's no magic wand and there's not big crazy things you have to do. It's these little habits that, repeated many times, become continuous and automatic. So any one of these things we're talking about practicing ourselves, teaching our children, coaching them and holding them accountable to practice. You can have a gratitude journal, you can have a little. Let's do a little gratitude practice at the dinner table or at bedtime. Good night with your kiddo, right? And let's just name, you know, the beauty and the strength around us today. Let's name a beauty and strength move I made today and let's name a problem.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

I have today, because we're not about just rose colored glasses or toxic positivity. We're about being realistic, realistically refocusing on recognizing that there are these difficulties, difficult moments I made a mistake, I feel badly about this and I got through it this way, or and I had this other positive part of my day too and really redirecting and cultivating that appreciation of both. Difficult moments happen and that's okay and there's still a whole lot of beauty and good around me and inside of me. So I think it's beautiful to kind of practice all that.

Marisa Vicere:

Yeah, I have actually two journals by my bed. One is serendipity, so the good things that have happened in life, and one is equilibrium, those things that set me off balance, that I'm just uncertain of, or problems that I have, and it allows me a space to write them out and then a chance to go back a day later, a week later, a month later, whatever it is, and, look, you know, was I able to figure this out, or what did I have to do, or are there changes I need to make in my life to put me more back in balance. But it's so important, I think, to celebrate both sides right, because that's, like we said at the beginning, how we grow.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Absolutely. One of the core mantras I use a lot too, is the yes and mindset and language of yes and yes. There's this difficulty and there's this strength. Yes, there's this problem and this is how I got through it. Yes, this was something that set me off into disequilibrium and yes, this was a beautiful thing I experienced today. Yes, and goes a long way if we get rid of the no's and the but's. No, no, no, we contract, we push against, but, but, but. But. We definitely are pushing against. Pause, breathe. Yes, this is here right now. Yes, this is difficult and I can do hard things. I can get the help I need. I can get through this. We cultivate these mindsets, we cultivate these habits of mind and we build resilience.

Marisa Vicere:

What a powerful way to end this segment and such a beautiful wrap up. Is there any other reflections that you would like to make before we fully close today's episode?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Well, I guess one other thought that comes to mind is the importance of also recognizing what we call the circles of control, or how to live out the serenity prayer right. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And I help kids and families, parents and teachers be able to do that by picturing two concentric circles, one inside the other, in the inner circle. We can say that these are the things I can control in my life right now, or I can control or do something about in this situation, always, always surrounded by a whole bunch of things in the outer circle that we can't control. So when we can see a name, here's some inner circle things I can do this right now and here's a whole bunch of things in the outer circle that I can't. There's always an outer circle. Can we accept that and make peace with that, but not be paralyzed by it?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

What you focus on grows. The more you focus on the outer circle, the bigger it gets, the smaller we feel, the less capable we feel. Pause, breathe. What you focus on grows. This is the situation. Here's things I can't do about it right now. And here's something in my inner circle.

Marisa Vicere:

I can do.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Let me focus on that Take that first step, that first breath, and keep on moving.

Marisa Vicere:

Thank you what a beautiful wrap-up, Dr Montminy, and thank you for continuing these important conversations with us today. In our next episode, we'll be diving into emotional regulation and how we take our temperature and those around us to build stronger, deeper connections. Until then, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace and remember you are making a difference. Thank you for joining us on Ripples of Resilience. This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation, where we're dedicated to opening minds and saving lives through conversations that matter, and the Mindful Village, where Dr Peter Montminy provides holistic mental health care for kids and their caregivers. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with a friend. Friend, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a ripple. Together, let's keep showing up, speaking up and supporting the young minds who need us most. Even the smallest actions can create waves of change. Thank you.