Ripples of Resilience

Episode 11: Holiday Resilience, Without The Pressure

• Jana Marie Foundation • Season 1 • Episode 11

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Holiday cheer often comes bundled with hidden stress, complex emotions, and the pressure to make everything just right. We dig into a kinder way to celebrate by redefining resilience as flexible awareness rather than flawless planning, and we share practical tools you can use immediately—no extra time or supplies required.

We begin with a reset: naming mixed feelings without judgment and swapping perfection for presence. With child psychologist and mindfulness teacher Dr. Peter Montminy, we explore how a simple exhale-first breathing practice nudges your nervous system out of fight-or-flight and back into calm, so you can choose responses instead of reacting. From there, we get concrete about boundaries that actually work—scheduling real downtime, setting a spending plan you can live with, and noticing which gatherings are energy-gaining versus energy-draining. You’ll hear how to say no with warmth and clarity, and why that honesty often deepens connection.

We also rework gratitude so it feels true, not forced. Try the “yes, and” mindset to honor hard emotions while noticing what still supports you, then amplify your practice by naming what you appreciate, who you appreciate, and why it matters. Finally, we move from isolation or overload toward meaningful connection through quality time, small acts of generosity, and traditions that evolve with your life. A short guided reflection closes the episode, offering self-kindness phrases you can return to anytime you feel stretched thin.

If you’re ready to trade perfect for peaceful and make room for small moments of calm, laughter, and connection, this one’s for you. Listen now, subscribe for the next episode on the power of play, and share this conversation with someone who could use a gentler holiday. 

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for immediate support.

This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation and A Mindful Village.

Jana Marie Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization located in State College, Pennsylvania which harnesses the power of creative expression and dialogue to spark conversations build connections, and promote mental health and wellbeing among young people and their communities. Learn more at Jana Marie Foundation.

A Mindful Village is Dr. Peter Montminy's private consulting practice dedicated to improving the mental health of kids and their caregivers. Learn more at A Mindful Village | Holistic Mental Health Care for Kids.

Music created by Ken Baxter.

(c) 2025. Jana Marie Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

This podcast was developed in part under a grant number SM090046 from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The views, policies, and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of SAMHSA, HHS or the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Welcome to the Ripples of Resilience podcast by Jana Marie Foundation, where we explore practical ways to support young minds and foster emotional resilience. I'm your host, Marisa Vicere, President and Founder of Jana Marie Foundation. As the holidays approach, many of us find ourselves pulled in different directions, balancing celebration with stress, joy with loss, connection with exhaustion. The season can be beautiful, but also complicated. So today we're talking about how to build resilience through the holidays. To help us explore how to stay grounded, intentional, and kind to ourselves during this time of year, I'm joined by our resident expert, Dr. Peter Montminy, a clinical child psychologist, certified mindfulness teacher, and parenting coach from a mindful village. Thank you for being here, Dr. Peter Montminy.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Thank you for having me and happy holidays.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Yes, happy holidays. As we move into the season ahead, let's take a moment and explore how we can care for ourselves and each other. I invite you all to take a moment to pause, breathe, inhale deeply through your nose, and exhale slowly. And reflect on what the holidays bring for you. The holidays mean different things for everyone. For some, they're a time of laughter, family traditions, and cozy gatherings. For others, they might bring up grief or the pressure to meet expectations, financial, emotional, or otherwise. And sometimes all that exists together, joy and sadness side by side. That's the thing about being human. Our emotions don't come all at once. We can be grateful and grieving, hopeful and tired, connected and lonely, all in the same week or even day. Dr. Peter Montminy, keeping all this in mind, what do we mean by saying building resilience through the holidays?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Well, you really laid it out quite beautifully there, which is recognizing the whole spectrum of human experiences, right? Of success and difficulties, of gathering and of loss, of feeling joy and exhaustion. And so it's allowing space and recognition, space and grace for the reality of just like any other time of year, we have all of that going on around us, and we have all of that going on inside of us. So it doesn't mean pushing away the hard times or thinking this has to be some uniquely perfect, exceptional time. It's about making space for that full range of human experience and of our own lived experience and allowing that to exist and with the attitude and mindset of yes, this full range of my life is happening, including some of these difficulties perhaps still. And there's the beauty and joy of what the season means to me right now that I can connect with and celebrate as well. It's not an either-or proposition.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Thank you. I know for me, I love the holiday seasons, the smell of pine, the lights that I see going around town. But it also brings up a lot of expectations or pressures that I feel that are out there, whether it be living up to the traditions of my family or obligations that I put either on myself or others have put on me, and pressures to make everything quote unquote perfect. So, how do these unrealistic expectations affect our resilience?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Well, that that idea of perfect and traditional and I mean getting it just right is one of the big nagging bugaboos when getting through the holidays sanely, right, and happily. And you're right, it's one of the biggest stressors. It can often lead to disappointment or guilt. And resilience comes from acknowledging, again, the difficulty and being flexible to it, not being rigid about things have to be a certain way, or you know, but being able to be flexible and allowing space for that. So it's really important that we let go of the idea of a perfect holiday and focus more on what feels realistic, what feels manageable and meaningful to us instead this year. And that may be same or different. It will be similar and different to how you felt about it or experienced it in previous years. Every year we're somewhat the same as we were last year and we're a little bit different. Same with our kids, same with our family, perhaps same with our, you know, any aspect of our lives. So just recognizing that truth and what is manageable and meaningful to me today and making peace with that. A little guided way to deal with those expectations is to ask yourself in this moment, in this day, in this upcoming season, whatever it may be, what's most important to me, really? What's my highest intention here? Is it, you know, if it's joy and appreciation, can I say, I look forward to and wish to be joyful and appreciative imperfectly? If it's I really want to have a lot of laughter and love flowing through these holidays, that's what's really matters to me. Can I invite love and laughter into my holidays imperfectly? I want to have fun with loved ones. I want to really look forward to the food. The food has to be just right. The decorations, I want it to look so beautiful. Can I let the decorations and the food be appreciated imperfectly? So just what happens if you add that phrase, that little word I'm looking forward to, I'm expecting this imperfectly, and add that to whatever it is you hope to get out of the season. So I give you that little holiday season hack, life hack, if you will, is to add that word to it.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

So important. Yeah. And I love how you brought up that it's okay if the holidays look different. Obviously, I started Jana Marie Foundation in memory of my sister. And I know those first couple of holidays were really difficult because how do you still celebrate and keep the provisions when it just didn't seem right? And I think that was the biggest thing I learned was that it doesn't have to be the same as it always was. Our traditions can evolve, our holidays and the way we celebrate can change. And it doesn't mean that the meaning of the season has been lost. It just means that we're doing what we need to in that moment.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, beautiful. In fact, I'd say not only does it not have to be the same, it can't be the same. And what happens if we shift our mindset with even that little language trick, right? Yeah. It can't be the same. No matter what we've gone through this past year, it was different than the year before. And the year before. So how do I carry the parts of it that still matter to me this year? The parts of it that I can bring forth this year. Yeah, let me do so with space and grace for what I can't do as well as what I can do. Another little tip or trick, if you will, to help us with that is this notion of getting rid of again the best, being the best, having to do the best. This has to be the best is another way of saying perfect holiday or whatever. And reminding ourselves, no, it doesn't have to be. It can't be the always the best. It can be the best for the time and energy I have this year. It can I can do the best I can with the time and energy I have today. This will be the best it can be with the time and energy and resources I have, we have today, right now, and coming back to that present and again allowing yourself. That's a practical way maybe of allowing yourself some grace. And it's a more realistic way to set more realistic expectations.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Thank you. So let's explore a few other practices that can help us stay grounded during the holidays. We've talked about the importance of pausing, setting boundaries, practicing gratitude, and staying connected over the course of the last several episodes. So let's walk through some of these briefly again and look at it and how they might be useful now as we're in the middle of the holiday season.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah. And so the things we know, and we've talked about all season long, our first season of Ripples of Resilience, all those skills, we don't have to throw them out the window and think we need some new skill for the holiday. We actually want to come back and count on the tried and true for any challenging situation. Resilience is being flexible and adaptive through any adversity, including the extra stresses of the holiday. So absolutely the first one is the pause, the power of the pause and breathe. So let's remind ourselves to how we can at any time just push the pause buttons, reset the circuit breaker of our nervous system. I sometimes use the mantra of relax and refocus. So when you're feeling harried, rushed, reactive, it's not enough time. Oh no, it didn't go the way I want it to. How am I gonna get all this done? Whatever your challenges may be during the holiday season, where it kind of feels like it ramps up a little bit. See if you can pause, breathe, and say, all right, I'm gonna relax and refocus. Relax the body and refocus the mind. So literally, let's just pause and breathe. And I'm gonna invite you to breathe a little differently with me this time. I'm gonna start with the exhale for a count of six. So together we're just gonna breathe out, let it all out. One, two, three, four, five, six, and then breathe in for four. One, two, three, four, and breathe out for six, one, two, three, four, five, six, let it all the way out, and breathe in again for four, one, two, three, four, one more. Out for one, two, three, four, five, six, sigh as you go, maybe, and in, one, two, three, and on we go. Why is that so important? Emphasizing the exhale first. It's not take a breath, it's release a breath, it's release expectations, it's release stress and tension. And the reason we do four by six breathing, or in this case we emphasize the exhale, we could call it six by four breathing, is the longer the exhale relative to the inhale, it literally turns on your parasympathetic nervous system. It pumps the brakes on the adrenaline rush of fight or flight stress reactivity. So you're literally pumping the brakes in your nervous system by turning on the parasympathetic with slower, longer exhales than inhales. Another just simple little trick, but it's an absolutely vital one. We can pause any time in our day to do that.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

And it's such a great reminder that we do have a choice in those moments of chaos. If we take that breath out, it just helps us regain that control in those moments. Yeah. I know that holidays can also bring a lot of people in, having to go places, and almost this feeling of having to be on, which brings us to that point of boundaries. Sometimes we need that space just to be at home or to be with ourselves. So, how can we set those boundaries and not feel guilty during the holiday season?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah. Yeah. It's recognizing where are friction points, right? Where are common friction points, and then being able to, as we've talked about in a previous episode, check it out, right? How boundary setting, limit setting with ourselves and others is empathic. So remind yourselves of that truth. And then how do we practice it? We look for how am I setting time boundaries, time expectations and time boundaries. Am I scheduling me time? Am I scheduling downtime? No, no, no, there's not enough time for that because I have to do this, this, and this. Pause, breathe. I don't have to. I can choose to do this and this. Do I choose to reset my nervous system so I can actually enjoy the holidays a little bit more? Radical concept. So set, be playful with yourself, as what I hope I'm modeling, and uh and set some time boundaries by scheduling little times, circuit breaker times in your day, in your week for yourself and for your family. You want to set financial boundaries ahead of time again. And you know, what's a real budget? And how can I feel good about gifting or serving and cooking and shopping within certain boundaries that I know feel comfortable for me rather than gorging or binging financially or otherwise, and then having a financial hangover in January that doesn't feel so good. Yeah? So just reminding ourselves to be intentional, as we often say about all these things. And finally, we can be said emotional or relationship boundaries. Recognize what's energy gaining for me. Getting together with these people or getting together with these people for this period of time can still be energy gaining. And past a certain point or a certain amount of peopling, as you said, I loved that. Um, it's energy draining. So just check yourself, hey, is this energy gaining or energy draining? If it feels more energy gaining, add it to the schedule. Or you might try it and think it's gonna be energy gaining and then that recognize it's actually starting to feel a little energy draining, then take it off the schedule or call a timeout, shift gears. Being able to be clear, warm, and firm with yourself and others, simply expressing care for yourself and others while honoring your needs. Like, yeah, that sounds wonderful, but I need some quiet time this weekend, so I'm gonna pass. Being able to say that without guilt or shame, harm to yourself or others. I think that's truly the season of giving and loving, yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Absolutely. Another concept that sometimes we talk about, especially during the holidays, is the idea of gratitude, that we should be grateful for what we have in our life, and absolutely we should, but sometimes it can feel a little bit forced, or that we have to only be thinking of those things that we're grateful for. So, how can we approach gratitude in a more genuine way?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah, beautiful. I'm gonna give two suggestions here. One starts with the mindset and language of yes, and we're gonna keep coming back to that often. Yes, this is a struggle. Yes, I'm not feeling it right now, and I'm still grateful for this. Yes, I feel resentful or angry or grieving this part of my life, and I'm still appreciating this part of my life. Again, get not getting sucked into the all or none, either or false dichotomy, but allowing yourself the space and grace, I'll say it again, allowing yourself the space and grace to acknowledge, yes, this is hard. This sucks, maybe, and this is something I still appreciate and can honestly rejoice in. Relieves a little bit more of the pressure, maybe, to feel forced about things. And the other thing that really helps or deepens gratitude practices is, yes, regular habits, writing down a gratitude journal, three things each night before you go to bed, or just three things, or one thing each at the dinner table, or however you might want to practice it. Consciously practicing gratitude with I'm grateful for this, I'm really thankful for this part of my life today. But amplifying it not just with what I'm thankful for, and who am I thankful for? I really appreciate this about my life. And I especially want to thank this person, my partner, my boss, my child, my sister, my God, whatever it may be. Uh this is what I'm thankful for, this is to whom I'm thankful. And oh, by the way, this is why. This is why I'm actually thankful. So add what, who, and why to your thankful your gratitude practices, and it kind of turbocharges them.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Absolutely. I love that. And finally, the idea of connection. So we know that the holidays can bring a time for us to gather and be around a lot of our loved ones, but for some it can be a really lonely or isolating time. How can we build or rebuild connection when we are feeling isolated?

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Yeah. So you may have the challenge of feel like you're too booked people in socializing or not enough, feeling kind of overextended socially or feeling alone or isolated, right? And it can be at either of those extremes. Think about quality time with others over quantity. Think about quality over quantity. Who think of who are people right now in your life currently? And this is an exercise that's very important. Think of people that you actually see on a somewhat regular basis, several times a week, if not a day, or several times a month. Who are people around you in your life right now? Think of or name to yourself, write down two or three people that are in your life somewhat regularly currently, that you know when you see them, they bring a smile to your face. You know when you see them, you have this warm feeling in your heart. You can think of one or two now, perhaps. And so then think about how can I connect with them and keep that front and center as a quality opportunity for me this holiday? How can I connect with them to receive that warmth and feel good about it? The other half of this equation is who are some people that I know that might be struggling or might also be alone, or maybe even, you know, I'm having a hard time with. How can I be giving some warmth and care? How can I be giving a smile or a warm heart to others? And again, research shows, clinical practice shows, maybe your common sense and personal experience will tell you. I feel better about myself inside when I am giving to others, as long as I'm not overgiving and draining my well dry, right? So pause quality over quantity. Is it too much or too little connecting? What's the matters of the heart? Who are the people in my life that bring warmth and smile to my heart? And how can I bring that warmth and smile to others and give it freely, not out of obligation, not out of overexception extension, not out over guilt and shame if I don't. Who are people and where are moments where I can give freely to others and we'll start to find those connections growing organically?

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Wonderful. All such great reminders that we can both give and receive support, and that resilience grows through relationships. Before we close, I'd like you to guide listeners through a short reflection that ties these ideas together.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

All right, so let's play. Allow your body to settle into a comfortable seated position if you're not already. Let the body settle. Come into quiet stillness as best you can right now. Feeling the breath in. And a full exhale, sighing all the way out. Let it go. Ha ha. Just settling in. And maybe notice or bring your curious and kind attention to noticing what emotions the holidays bring up for you this year. What emotions the holidays bring up for you right now. Maybe joy, maybe sadness, maybe both. Whatever you're feeling. Notice it, name it, and allow it to be okay. Allow it to be okay. Silently acknowledge that you're not alone in your joyful feelings or your sad feelings. There are others who feel these same emotions walking this season alongside you, each in their own way. We are never alone. There are others who are feeling the same thing. Maybe place a hand or two over your heart right now if it feels comfortable. Literally holding your arms together and giving yourself a hug. And offer yourself a kind phrase. May I give myself the kindness that I need. May I give this myself the kindness that I deserve, just like everyone else. May I find moments of peace and connection, however imperfectly today. May I find some moments of peace and connection. And as you intentionally incline your mind to be kind in these ways to yourself and others, allow yourself another slow, quiet, deep breath in, receiving the joy of that care. And a long, slow deep breath out, releasing any tension or sadness you may be holding. Breathing in and receiving. Breathing out and releasing. Thank you.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Thank you. That moment of relaxation and that gentle reminder that we're not alone is so important as we continue our way through this holiday season. So thank you for that. And thank you for being with us today.

Dr. Peter Montminy:

Absolutely. I hope, in fact, that everyone listening can approach this season with a little bit more of that compassion for ourselves and for others. Yeah? And we might just think, how can I shift from what's the matter to what really matters? Pause, breathe. I'm stuck in what's the matter here. Let me shift to what really matters, remind ourselves of that, and step into it as imperfectly as we are.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation:

Thank you. Resilience isn't about having a perfect holiday. It's about showing up with awareness, care, and grace. So wherever the season takes you, I hope you find small moments of calm, laughter, and connection. In our next episode, we'll be talking about something that is often overlooked but deeply healing: the power of play. We'll explore how moments of playfulness can help us recharge, connect, and rediscover joy in everyday life. This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation, where we're dedicated to opening minds and saving lives through conversations that matter, and by A Mindful Village, where Dr. Peter Montminy provides holistic mental health care for kids and their caregivers. Together, let's keep showing up, speaking up, and supporting the young minds who need us most. Remember, even the smallest actions can create waves of change, but I think that's a good question.