Predictable Days Make Room For Real Freedom

Summer is supposed to feel light, but a lot of families quietly struggle once the school day disappears. When the structure drops, motivation can dip, anxiety can rise, and everyone ends up feeling a little off. We talk honestly about why that happens and how a few predictable moments can make the whole day feel calmer without turning summer into boot camp.

I’m joined by Dr. Peter Montminy, a clinical child psychologist and parenting coach at A Mindful Village, to rethink “routine” as an anchor and a secure base. We connect the dots between predictability and stress reduction, using the Circle of Security idea: kids need freedom to explore, and they also need a safe harbor to return to when they’re dysregulated. We also get practical about the real-world challenges parents face, from summer logistics to the gradual slide into later bedtimes, more screen time, and constant “I’m bored.”

You’ll hear concrete tools you can use right away: how to treat boredom as a skill-building moment instead of an emergency, how to keep sleep schedules consistent without obsessing over exact times, and how to set screen time boundaries by clarifying what’s allowed, when it’s allowed, and why it matters for mental health. We also share a simple way to “chunk” the day, build kid buy-in with choice within limits, and reset when the plan drifts with a quick weekly family meeting.

If this helps, subscribe, share the episode with a parent or educator who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these mental health and parenting tools.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for immediate support. 

This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation and A Mindful Village. 

Jana Marie Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization located in State College, Pennsylvania which harnesses the power of creative expression and dialogue to spark conversations build connections, and promote mental health and wellbeing among young people and their communities. Learn more at Jana Marie Foundation.

A Mindful Village is Dr. Peter Montminy's private consulting practice dedicated to improving the mental health of kids and their caregivers. Learn more at A Mindful Village | Holistic Mental Health Care for Kids.

Music created by Ken Baxter. 

(c) 2025. Jana Marie Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

This podcast was developed in part under a grant number SM090046 from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The views, policies, and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of SAMHSA, HHS or the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services.

Transcript

Welcome And Summer’s Hidden Stress

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 0:16

Welcome to the Ripples of Resilience podcast by Jana Marie Foundation, where we dive into the heart of supporting young minds. I'm Marissa Visiri, president and founder of Jana Marie Foundation, and I'm so glad you're here. The Ripples of Resilience podcast provides parents, caregivers, and educators with practical tools and insights to support children's mental health, emotional resilience, and well-being. Each episode covers strategies for fostering open communication, building resilience, and creating safe, nurturing environments where young minds can thrive. Summer is often something we look forward to: longer days, vacations, camps, and a break from school schedule. But while summer brings more freedom, it can also bring challenges. Without the structure of school, many children, teens, and even adults find themselves feeling less motivated, more anxious, or simply off. Today we're talking about why routines matter even during summer and how families can create flexibility without losing the structure that supports mental well-being. And I'm not doing this alone. I'm joined by someone I deeply respect and have learned so much from over the years, Dr. Peter Montminy, a clinical child psychologist and parenting coach from a Mindful

Routine As An Anchor Not A Cage

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 1:40

Village. Welcome, Peter.

Dr. Peter Montminy 1:41

Thanks, Marisa. Glad to be back as always.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 1:44

Yes. So let's jump in. I think many parents hear the word routine and immediately picture rigid schedules and every minute planned out. But that's not really what we're talking about, is it?

Dr. Peter Montminy 1:57

No, absolutely not. We don't want to be over-regimented any more than we want to be overly chaotic in our days. So we're always looking for that, you know, Goldilocks, just right kind of spot. So think about the routines and structures like an anchor or a secure base from which the kids can launch into their fun adventures of the day and of the summer. You really, I think a lot about the attachment theory framework, the circles of security, where it's important certainly for toddl beginning to explore their world, but all the way through teens, it really still applies. And this circle of security concept is based on thinking about our parenting as serving two main functions, as both being a secure base from which to launch kids into exploring their world independently, as well as a safe harbor for kids to return when they're having problems and needs a sense of safety or regrounding. So if we picture the idea of a routine as a framework that provides opportunities for exploration and independence a little bit, and a secure base, but also a s safe harbor to return to regrounding, regrouping when needed, I like to kind of look at it that way.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 3:11

I love that. And I think we all need a little bit of that, just to know that there's those spaces that we can come back to that are safe and kind of having some structure throughout the day,

Why Predictability Calms The Nervous System

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 3:20

but also that opportunity to really explore.

Dr. Peter Montminy 3:22

Yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 3:23

Can you explain a little bit more? How do routines help to reduce stress?

Dr. Peter Montminy 3:27

Yeah. Very simply, uncertainty and unpredictability breeds anxiety, right? We know that. It's the number one thing that anxiety feeds off of. And under such states of unpredictability or uncertainty, we're on more alert for danger and protect ourselves, literally hardwired our nervous system to be more than in self-protection mode, alert for danger mode. And that means we're more reactive and likely to be more prone to be dysregulated, both our kids and ourselves. The opposite side of that coin, familiarity and predictability breeds a sense of security, where we're able then to know we can come out and play safely and turn on the social engagement part of our nervous system where we can literally stay and play, right? The little bear cubs or fox kits come out of the den and wrestle and tumble and play in the fields when the parent has already figured out there's no danger around in the field. It's okay to come out and play. So that familiarity and predictability breeds that, and kids are able to be more responsive and less reactive. So there's a neurobiological basis to this as well as just a social psychological basis.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 4:42

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's why we often think about summers as being so carefree, because it does provide us those opportunities to come out and play. And yet we also know that it can be really stressful. And so this kind of this next question builds upon that. But what are some challenges that you commonly see, especially during those summer months?

Dr. Peter Montminy 5:04

Common Summer Slip Ups And Logistics

Dr. Peter Montminy 5:05

Yeah. The first thing that comes to mind is is logistics for parents, figuring out, right, literally just how to program the day. And that starts usually, especially in our area, in in the winter months. If you're not signing up for summer camps by March, you're in trouble, you know? And but you've got to figure out basically, especially if you're a working parent, and or if you're more stay-at-home parent or whatever combination, how are you literally filling the days logistically, practically? So camps, daycare, what, where, how, the cost, the transportation, the coverage, there's real logistics that needs to go into this. And of course, we're talking about summer routines now as summer's already started, but even if you're not able to get all that figured out in the spring, you're still figuring that out maybe week to week throughout the summer anyway. And of course, the other big thing, common challenges, is just what we've already mentioned. It's a change in routine. And when there's change or transition, by definition, we're trying to figure out a new way of being, a new way of operating, right? There's a lot more time and space to fill, we're not used to it. And so what I find happens is it's easy for all of us to slide into our old bad habits, if you will, by default, right? So screen time inches up a little bit, eating habit, meals are what we eat, oh, just, you know, it kind of off our game. Bedtime starts getting us to be a slippery slope. So those are those are some of the common problems. We want to be mindful of how are we filling that time and space. Again, not too rigid, not too chaotic. Those are the things that often come up.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 6:47

Thank you. And so, you know, we're a couple weeks into summer, and if anybody else's household is like mine, we are now starting into the "I'm so bored," or "there isn't anything to do." You know, every second of every day isn't always planned.

Boredom As A Tool For Growth

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 7:05

And so you know, let's talk a little bit about boredom. Yeah. And let's talk about how it can be helpful in the development of our kids and teens.

Dr. Peter Montminy 7:13

Yeah, no, absolutely. I should have mentioned that as number three headline for common problems. Absolutely right. Boredom's a biggie. So the way is to really reset our mindsets and reset our children's mindsets around the idea that boredom is a problem. Boredom is a seedling for growth. It's an opportunity for creativity, for building independence, for building responsibility, problem-solving abilities, perseverance, grit, distress tolerance. Boredom is our friend, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen. In the way that it's an opportunity for kids to start figuring out literally how to take care of themselves, how to entertain themselves, how to regulate their bodies and minds when it's not all pre-programmed for them, right? Kids do not need to be rescued from boredom. They do not need to be made happy and stimulated every minute of the day. I'm emphasizing this, I get a, I guess, a little passionately because I want parents to not feel that pressure, that need to conform. You know, you maybe you're looking on Instagram or whatever and you're seeing all these wonderful activities and creative things, and you're thinking, oh, I have to live up to that, or, you know, I have to make sure my kid's kind of happy and not bored every minute. Let's just take start with taking the pressure off ourselves for that, reframing the idea that boredom is really an opportunity. And then the way I talk about it with kids is I say, okay, good to know. You're bored. Let's get curious about boredom. How do you know that you're bored? Where do you feel boredom in your body? What what does that even feel like? When you say that, what does it mean in your mind? And so what? And what can you do with boredom to make it your friend or turn it into something else that you would like it to be? And really see it as an opportunity for growth, as I said, and scaffold it with curi with questions about curiosity and exploring it and how to be with it and what to do with it. That's what I would offer.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 9:20

I I think that's such great information to have and and really approaching with that curiosity to try to gain some more understanding and and what they even mean by being bored. Because oftentimes there's so many other activities they can do, but by us really being curious and trying to learn from them, we can gather a lot of information that might be helpful.

Dr. Peter Montminy 9:40

Absolutely. Yeah.

unknown 9:42

Yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 9:42

One of the things you had mentioned earlier is around sleep schedules. And I know that's always challenging, uh, maintaining consistent sleep, but we also know it's really important. And then it's also lighter out longer. So, you know, we might be used to going to bed at eight o'clock, but now it's still seeming like daytime. And so, how do we navigate all of this in the summer to really make sure that we're

Sleep Consistency Without Perfection

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 10:05

keeping those healthy habits?

Dr. Peter Montminy 10:06

Yeah. And and the key thing here isn't exactly what time, you know, within some boundaries. We don't want 2 a.m. to be the standard for most any of your kids, regardless of their age, though I know teenagers tend to be night owls, especially in the summers, of course. But the key isn't the exact time of night that they go to bed or the exact time in the morning that they get out of bed. The key is the idea of be more consistent than not. So if the the just like on weekends or school holidays, maybe their bedtime's a little later on a Friday or Saturday night than it would be on a school night, fine. Summers may and especially as you say, with light it being light later, bedtime's an hour, maybe up to two hours later. But it's a little later, and maybe they sleep in a little later. The key is you get into a new consistent pattern for the months of summer. So you can reset the circadian rhythms and get that more uh uh you know basic rhythm going in the body again. The key is that you get some consistent amount, and so you want to shoot for regularity. You don't want to say, okay, you can be up till way late one night or sleep in way late another morning and back and forth you go. You don't want to be yo-yoing it. Find something that works for your kid, your family. Don't sweat it more than that. And yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 11:30

Thank you. Yeah, and I think that's so important. I know in one of our previous episodes you had mentioned around having a plan B. So, like plan A, you know, normally we go to bed at eight o'clock, nine o'clock, whatever it is. And in the summer months, there may be an activity that's going on later that we have to go push it a little bit, or we might need to go a little earlier because we have to get up early for a trip or whatever it might be. Yeah. So I think, you know, once again, having that that mindset, that flexibility is okay with it, but also trying to maintain that consistency.

Dr. Peter Montminy 12:03

Now beautiful. So right, uh a handful of times through the summer, you're gonna have those special events, hopefully. And and that's totally fine. It's gonna be blown up, you know, a handful of times over the summer, but not a handful of times every week.

Screen Time Boundaries With What When Why

Dr. Peter Montminy 12:15

Right. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 12:17

Yeah. And one of the other things you mentioned earlier too is around screen time, and I know that's something we've talked a lot about on previous episodes as well. And so when we have more free time, it's natural that some screen time increases. But how can we be intentional around setting boundaries or what should we be aware of when it comes to screens in our kids or teens?

Dr. Peter Montminy 12:42

Yeah, think three things. Be very clear with yourself and your kids about what, when, and why. What is acceptable activity online, first of all? Are you aware of the content, you know, whether it's gaming or social media or what? You're thinking what's approved and not approved, and you're adjusting that somewhat by your kids' age and temperament and your family values, but you're being very clear about what is okay and what's not okay. When are there periods, what when is it okay and not okay to be on screens? And to just be very clear. We have online time and we have offline time. We have periods of screen time and we have periods of other time. Why? Why do we have to do that? That's not why how everybody else is doing it. Pause, breathe. The why is because this is what is best for your physical health and your mental health. And again, as I've said before, if you have a cupcake for dessert after dinner, maybe that's probably not too big a deal for most of us. But if your diet is nothing but, you know, cupcakes, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, we got a cupcake problem. So I talk about really looking at the screen time being viewed as part of a balanced social diet, right? Think about it. Your kids are awake 14 to 16 hours a day. And now during the summer, it's you know, half of that's not filled with school. So what are we doing with it? And again, you can go down the slippery slope by default of suddenly that's being filled invisibly with screen time for kids. So, you know, if kids are awake 14 to 16 hours a day, let's say you allowed one or two hours of screen time here and then another chunk later in the day for another one or two hours of screen time. Maybe you allowed four, maybe up to six hours of screen time a day, which by the way, yes, we doctors think that's on the high side, but trying to be realistic. Even if it was up to that much a day, you still have ten other hours of the day you have to help the kid figure out what to do with off-screen. So we want to be proactive in planning the alternative options is the big complement to this, and we can get into that more as we go.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 14:53

Thank you so much. I think that's great advice too, with organizing. Don't just limit the screen time, but also look at what can we be doing instead of that, and maybe having some options ready to go so that when it's time to transition, it makes it easier. Yep, bur. So if you were helping a family create a healthy summer routine, where would you start?

Dr. Peter Montminy 15:14

Hmm.

Building A Routine Around Kids’ Needs

Dr. Peter Montminy 15:15

All right. I'd start number one with I always like to, as you know, zoom out before I zoom in. So I'm gonna zoom out and say, what are the children's needs? What's this child's needs? And I'm gonna think developmentally, their age, whether they're developmental needs for activity or stimulation, for rest, for being social, for having what type of family time, what type of structured activities or unstructured activities, and temperamental, temperamentally. So think developmentally and temperamentally. What's my child's needs? And by temperament, again, we mean do they tend to be need to be more active or do they tend to be more quiet? Are they more sociable or more kind of shy? You know, are they more distra easily distracted or overstimulated or less so? Are they have high sensory sensitivities or low sensory sensitivities? So all the things about temperament, diagnosable or not, in the more extreme versions of it, we want to think, what are my children's needs here? For when are they optimally performing and happy and doing well, and when are they less so, right? So just make a little list, make a tea table. I know my child thrives and does better under these circumstances, I know they struggle more under these circumstances, and then think realistically, how can I approximate meeting those needs in a way that takes care of the kid and is realistic, but also, number two, takes care of me. So what's my parents' capacity to meet some of those needs? And there's the practical aspects of that. Am I working financially I can get them in some of these summer camps or I can't? So what are the practical parameters? And accept that as part of the equation without a lot of guilt about, you know, not having the perfect summer for my kids, because there's no such thing as per right perfect parenting for any of us. And what's my capacity psychologically? What time and energy do I have to be present with my kids or not? And so we balance a realistic balance between meeting our children's needs and our parents' needs and capacities. And then we work something out and we say, good enough is good enough. It is. So that's what I would say.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 17:29

I love giving ourselves grace as we go through this process. Exactly. And we know with children and teens that oftentimes having buy-in from them helps with maintaining a schedule or a routine or getting getting help from them, whatever it might be. So how can parents involve children in creating these routines rather than just simply stating this is what it is and this is what it has to be?

Dr. Peter Montminy 17:54

Absolutely. So always think choice within limits, choice within limits, right? And in this context, we're talking about we want to create the basic framework or outline for their days. So in

Choice Within Limits And Daily Chunks

Dr. Peter Montminy 18:05

terms of establishing routines or that just right Goldilocks balance, I talk to parents about, look, just think about chunking parts of the day if the kids are at home. If you've got them in structured activities, fine, that takes care of that. If you have them home for a lot of the days of the summer, you want to think, all right, from getting up and having breakfast with the first chunk, the first half of the morning, I don't know, 8 to 10 a.m. And then there's a chunk, you know, 10 to 12 till lunchtime, and then there's lunch, and then there's the first half of the afternoon chunk, the second half of the afternoon chunk, dinner, after dinner and bedtime chunk. So if you just think about those four to six chunks of the day, then you think, all right, some of them back to the balanced social diet, some of it is outside physical activity, some of it is inside quiet rest time, depending on your kids, developmental age and temperament. You're going to adjust exactly what that looks like. But you're going to chunk the outlines of this of some physical activity, some rest time, some social time with family or friends, some alone time, right? Some specific structured activity, some downtime free time. So you take those basic parameters, you chunk it and you say, all right, that you know, and then a few days a week we know during this morning chunk we're going to go to the pool or to the library, and you put a few little field trips in your week, and you have it not every minute mapped out, but you have a few anchor points as we started this with to balance it out. And then with you giving those chunks or frameworks, then you help the kids color in the details. Then back to choice within limits. Hey, so for this physical activity period, or for this field trip period, or for this quiet time period, or for this free time, you got to figure it out yourself, period. Let's put a few things on the menu together. What do you think? What are some ideas? And you have a little brainstorming session with the kiddo, help them colored in. Now you have this rough, rough, mapped out weekly schedule, not too rigid. You've got a few items on the menu for each period for the kids to choose from that they had some skin in the game choosing. Now, when it's like, you know, Wednesday morning at 10 a.m., you can say read read the refrigerator, what what are your choices and go to it.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 20:25

Yeah.

Dr. Peter Montminy 20:25

All right. That's my ideal version.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 20:28

I love it. And it helps us with getting back to that boredom. They've had some saying what those activities are. So when they start with that, it's like, hey, remember you chose some different activities. Right. What do you want to do right now?

Dr. Peter Montminy 20:40

Yeah. With always the plan B, always include or something else if we this isn't working today.

unknown 20:46

Yeah.

Dr. Peter Montminy 20:46

And then they need to help figure out what the something else is.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 20:49

Yeah. Yeah. So often we start with the best intentions when we're coming up with schedules or routines, or we're really trying to start anything new, right? And we know that sometimes things can kind of fall apart where we get out of that routine or it just makes it harder to kind of follow through with it.

Dr. Peter Montminy 21:08

Yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 21:08

What are some things that we can do if we're noticing that maybe we got off track a little bit?

Dr. Peter Montminy 21:14

Yeah. Okay.

Getting Back On Track With Family Meetings

Dr. Peter Montminy 21:15

Two things come to mind. First, often I'll talk about changing the viewing and the doing, the view and the do, the mindset, and then the actionable plan, the action plan. So the mindset first is to accept that's going to happen. To accept that, of course, it's things aren't going to go as perfectly as planned, you know, or we start out the summer with a bang and we're really good about adhering to this, and then there's fall-off, there's drift. Natural, human, okay. The key is to notice when it happens, and then how do I get back on track? So the first is having a mindset again about not perfection, and hey, it's going to wobble on and off the line we're trying to be on, and that's okay. Now how do we get back online, back on track? So that gets And I often will recommend school year as well as summertime, a weekly family meeting, right? Where you do simply a week in review and a week in preview. And this can be on a Sunday afternoon for 15, 20 minutes, and you know, with a little snack, fun snack, or cuddle time or whatever, depending on again the age of your kid. And you go, hey, let's see, how did this past week go? What worked, what didn't work, what did we like or not like? And we can preview. Now remember, this upcoming week we have this special thing, but otherwise we'll do what can we do better to improve where we got off track last week? So you see if you have a standard routine built in where we have a weekly family meeting to check ourselves on that drift or where we got discombobulated, that's good enough to, you know, keep you going.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 22:53

Perfect. Thank you so much. So as we wrap up, what's one message you'd like listeners to remember?

Dr. Peter Montminy 23:00

Yeah, riffing off this idea of being perfectly imperfect, right? Like and literally I work with kids and parents and myself around a mantra. I am perfectly imperfect, right? God made mere mortal, I am perfectly imperfect, right? And that's okay. Back to allowing space and grace for that. So starting with that as a practice, not a cliche, not a throwaway line, as a real practice to sit with periodically for yourself and your kids, to

Perfectly Imperfect Closing And Key Takeaways

Dr. Peter Montminy 23:35

recenter on that sense. And then from that, I would remind you about the circle of security notion. We don't need to be planning for our kids or being with our kids every minute all day long, but we want to be there as both a secure base to launch them into self-exploration for the day, you know, for those periods or chunks in the day, and a safe harbor where the kids can return to us when they're off track to regroup and reset. So keep picturing that circle of security and fill in the blanks with your kids as it fits.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 24:08

Wonderful. Thank you so much. So, as we talked about, routines aren't always about control. They're about creating a foundation that supports well-being. Even a few predictable moments throughout the day can help children and adults feel more grounded, connected, and ready to enjoy everything summer has to offer. Thank you so much, Dr. Montmi ny, for sharing your insights today, and thank you to everyone listening. We hope this conversation encourages you to create simple routines that help your family stay connected, healthy, and resilient throughout the summer. This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation, where we're dedicated to opening minds and saving lives through conversations that matter, and by a Mindful Village, where Dr. Peter Montminy provides holistic mental health care for kids and their caregivers. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, share it with someone who might benefit, and explore the free mental health resources available through Jana Marie Foundation and a Mindful Village. Until next time, remember that small actions create lasting ripples, and together we can build stronger, more connected communities.