Back-To-School Stress Reset

Back-to-school can feel like someone hit fast-forward on life: new teachers, new social dynamics, higher expectations, and a sudden return to structure after the looseness of summer. We sit down with Dr. Peter Montminy, a clinical child psychologist, to get specific about what back-to-school stress looks like in real homes and why it shows up even when kids are “fine.” We talk about the two common patterns we see, anxiety about the unknown and a grief-like sadness about what’s ending, and how both can lead to irritability, clinginess, shutdown, or even headaches and stomach aches.

We also get practical. Dr. Montminy shares routine-based strategies that reduce friction and lower anxiety, including resetting sleep schedules one to two weeks early, doing morning “dry runs,” setting up a homework zone, and prepping the night before. We zoom out to the whole family system, too, because parents, caregivers, and educators carry stress in this season. The reminder is simple: we can’t give what we don’t have, and kids learn emotional skills by watching us check in with ourselves.

Finally, we dig into the social side of school transition, belonging, friendships, and what to do when peer situations get “hairy.” We wrap with resilience tools that build real confidence, realistic expectations around grades, and a growth mindset that values effort over perfection. Subscribe for more parenting and child mental health tools, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with what helps your family most during back-to-school season.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for immediate support. 

This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation and A Mindful Village. 

Jana Marie Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization located in State College, Pennsylvania which harnesses the power of creative expression and dialogue to spark conversations build connections, and promote mental health and wellbeing among young people and their communities. Learn more at Jana Marie Foundation.

A Mindful Village is Dr. Peter Montminy's private consulting practice dedicated to improving the mental health of kids and their caregivers. Learn more at A Mindful Village | Holistic Mental Health Care for Kids.

Music created by Ken Baxter. 

(c) 2025. Jana Marie Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

This podcast was developed in part under a grant number SM090046 from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The views, policies, and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of SAMHSA, HHS or the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services.

Transcript

Why Back To School Feels Hard

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 0:17

Welcome to Ripples of Resilience Podcast by Jana Marie Foundation, where we dive into the hearts of supporting young minds. I'm Marisa Vicere from Jana Marie Foundation, and I'm joined again by Dr. Peter Montminy, clinical child psychologist from A Mindful Village and our resident mental health expert. The Ripples of Resilience podcast provides parents, caregivers, and educators with practical tools and insights to support children's mental health, emotional resilience, and well-being. Each episode covers strategies for fostering open communication, building resilience, and creating safe and nurturing environments where young minds can thrive. Excitement, anticipation, and for many kids, teens, and parents, stress. New teachers, new schedules, academic pressures, social worries, and a shift from summer freedom back to into structure can feel like a lot all at once. Today we're talking about what back to school stress actually looks like, why it shows up, and what families can do to make the transition a little smoother and more supportive. Welcome, Dr. Momminy.

Dr. Peter Montminy 1:34

Yeah, thanks, Marissa. Glad to be back after a little uh summer break myself. I'm excited to get started with the new school year and see where we go.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 1:42

Perfect. Thank you so much. So let's start with the basics today. Why does going back to school feel so overwhelming for many kids and families?

Dr. Peter Montminy 1:53

Well, you really nailed it in your intro there, right? It's the shift from, as you said, the summer routines and freedoms back into a structure for some kids that can be challenged academically, behaviorally,

Two Types Of Back To School Anxiety

Dr. Peter Montminy 2:05

socially, and the newness of it and the question marks all around it. So you you really nailed it there. And those are the things that we're all dealing with, as we know, every year around this time.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 2:16

So what might parents notice at home when kids are feeling that back-to-school anxiety?

Dr. Peter Montminy 2:23

Yeah, well, I've kind of think of it in terms of two variations or flavors of anxiety, if you will. First, there's the anticipatory or anticipation anxiety, the unknown, the unfamiliarity, right? So what is that new teacher, the new classroom? What are the who what kids are going to be in my classroom? How's it going to get along? You know, what are the clothes and fads that are am I ready to fit in or not fit in yet? So, you know, the fear of the unknown, common core fear for all of us, may be showing up. And so you may be looking at a little hesitancy or irritability or voicing some of that from the kids. What's in the future here, not knowing is part of the anxiety. The other thing is more kind of a depressive anxiety or even a little bit of grief of the loss of what I'm losing from the past, right? Which is simply looking back at the summer and the freedom and the fun, hopefully, that I had for a good bit of it. So we're balancing those two things and really just want to normalize and humanize the natural rhythms of the seasons. The natural rhythms of life always include some letting go and loss of what came before, and some anticipating and looking forward to, and sure, being a little nervous about what's ahead and really kind of normalizing that.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 3:40

Yeah, thank you. And so as we begin to shift back into the school year, is it important to start our shift right before the the first day? Or how do we lead up to

Reset Routines Before Day One

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 3:55

helping them feel more secure for that first day of school?

Dr. Peter Montminy 3:58

Yeah, it's very important. And I think most parents know this, acknowledge it, and it's hard to bite the bullet and do it that last week of summer, because everybody's like, come on, it's my last week of summer. Let me, you know, stay out and play late, you know, before I can't do it anymore. But it really is important for at least the week or two before school that we start reprogramming the body and the mind. Think about it. You're you're reconditioning, whether you want to say you're in training for a marathon or whatever. We want to start reprogramming both the body, getting back into those rhythms of maybe a little earlier, you know, tapering down to an earlier bedtime, tapering down to maybe an early get up and go routine, and the mindset and the energy that needs to go along with that. So we're really ramping up for new rhythms in our day and our week, and we want to give some mindful caring attention to that if we can.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 4:53

Awesome. So we often focus on our kids, but parents, caregivers, and educators are also dealing with stress during this time. Why is it important to pause as adults to check in with how we ourselves are doing and how we're feeling and to even make time for our own self-care?

Dr. Peter Montminy 5:12

Sure. As we say over and over again, right? We can't give what we don't have. So, you know, good care giving starts with good care receiving for ourselves. So we want to allow space and grace for acknowledging our feelings and allowing our feelings. Most parents, many of us, are feeling excited for our kids back to school, and if we're honest, a little worried about what's going to face them. Are they gonna be okay? Are they gonna do well? Is the teacher gonna like them? Are the keys, you know, are the kids gonna like them? So we're both excited for their new adventures. We're worried too. And maybe we're a little sad too to see them go back to school, not be around as much. And maybe we're relieved, relieved that they're back in school. And allowing the space for all of those mixed feelings is what I'm saying, without guilt or needing to not acknowledge them. And while we make room for all of that, we use our handy yes and philosophy. Yes, I'm feeling those things, and my kid may be feeling some of them, and then pivot to what's my you know practical problem solving about? How am I going to take care of myself and my kid? What are the to-dos that need to

Adult Stress And Self Check Ins

Dr. Peter Montminy 6:20

be done and let's get to it? So a balance of that.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 6:24

Thank you so much. So when we think about doing our own check-ins, it really models that behavior for our kids too. And I think that's important as they transition back, especially as they're getting older, that it's okay to pause, take our feelings temperature, going back to those episodes, right? See how I'm feeling, and then figuring out a plan from from there.

Dr. Peter Montminy 6:47

And what to do with it. Yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 6:49

Yeah.

Dr. Peter Montminy 6:49

Exactly.

Practical Prep And Family Systems

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 6:50

What are some practical ways that families can support kids leading up to their first day of school? Yeah.

Dr. Peter Montminy 6:57

Well, the first one we touched on already is establishing those routines early before the first day, right? Again, a week or two at least before the start of the year. We want to adjust those bedtimes. We want to practice, practice getting up and doing a I'll tell you through all my years of clinical practice, again, regardless of presenting problem or diagnosis, one of the most common problems for kids and families is getting up and out of the house in the morning for school and work, right? And and so can we literally get up and practice a few days of a dry run, of waking up, getting dressed, getting in the car, and instead of taking you to school, I'll take you to out to breakfast or something, or I'll take you to the store to buy a new school outfit or something. But literally, you know, practicing the morning run, getting set up, designating a homework zone, a time and a place that's clutter-free for some studying, again, depending on the age of the kiddo, and maybe prepping the night before, laying out clothes, getting bags ready, lunches ready, whatever, that type of thing that again often we start off gung-ho in September and it kind of drifts in, but maybe it establishes a new structure and routine that's going to be helpful. So getting those routines established early and practicing them is number one. Number two, always communicating openly, validating and acknowledging their feelings, inquiring with open-ended questions, what are you looking forward to the most? What are you nervous about about school? You know, and be open to any of it and acknowledge, reflect, and validate the feelings, and then redirect, okay, how can we take care of that? How do you want to take care of that? Here's what I can do to help. Yeah, managing the workload and the schedules, starting to get a family calendar maybe back in place, being thoughtful about overscheduling activities after school, again, what's right for your child's age of stage of development or their particular temperament. So being thoughtful a little bit about how we're going to be structuring our days and our weeks, both before and after school. And building in downtime daily. I do hear from kids who are still feeling overscheduled or exhausted and needing that downtime. And again, we want that balanced social diet of activity. So being mindful of, you know, sketching some of that out and again asking the kids their thoughts and feelings to maybe fill in some of those details. And I'll always take care of the basics of your physical health, right? Sleep, eat, move, the basic combo deal, being attentive to really having the energy to get ready and go to school.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 9:37

Yeah. Thank you. So much great information there. You had mentioned earlier, and I think it's important to come back to, oftentimes when we think about school, we think about the academics and the pressures that come and that some of our kids are feeling from having to go back and sit in a classroom and learn. And it's important to recognize that's not the only stressor there is when we're transitioning back into a school year. And sometimes it's really that social stuff, the dynamics of friendships and trying to fit in, or how do I find that sense of belonging? So how do we support our kids through that side of it?

Dr. Peter Montminy 10:14

Mm-hmm.

Friendship Worries And Social Belonging

Dr. Peter Montminy 10:15

And that's a s absolutely it's a big uh challenge and especially a challenge at those particular transition points from elementary to middle school, middle to high school, or if you have a kindergartner, first grader just starting out, right? Where it's less familiar and there's going to be more new kids that they're going to be integrating with, then that's certainly a very, very common challenge. So we want to use our old familiar reflect and redirect tool, reflect and validate the feelings back to them, acknowledge, hey, I understand you may be feeling a little nervous, or I understand you're saying you don't like or not looking forward to this or that part of it, and redirect them to behavior choices. And here's a thing or two you can do with it, and do some proactive, again, problem solving, collaborative problem solving with your child, not just dismissing it, oh, don't worry about it, you'll be fine, and not over-dramatizing it or even over-reassuring the child. But simply realistically acknowledge and validating, yeah, that might is going to be a little auchy, or that might be a little trouble for you, or you may be nervous about that. And here's what you can do. Let's brainstorm together some things you can do with it. As always, you can go to a trusted adult too if peer stuff gets really hairy, and review how to do that, right? And how to how to, you know, see something, say something, all some basic social skills rules that you might want to prepare them with. And and ask them too, right? Who are you most looking forward to seeing back at school? Who are you least looking forward to seeing? You know, it's a common way maybe where you can open up getting to the shadow side that they maybe don't want to talk about. So and then going from there.

unknown 11:55

Yeah.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 11:56

Thank you.

When Stress Signals A Bigger Issue

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 11:58

And so how as parents do we know what's typical back to school stress and when it might be something a little bit more?

Dr. Peter Montminy 12:06

Yeah. So we're going to look at particularly significant changes from their baseline, from their typical personality, right? As we have mentioned in other scenarios as well. But in particular, you might see increased irritability, more whining, clinging, or arguing or withdrawing, right? More conflicts at home with family or with friends. You sometimes certainly see separation anxiety, especially with our younger children. But again, don't think because they're 12 they're not feeling some of that again, or even that they're 15, they're not feeling that, especially as they go to middle school and high school, new schools of any kind, we often will have some of that separation anxiety kind of prop up again. But you want to be looking if it's prolonged, particularly prolonged or intense. And then of course the basics again, if you are seeing sleep problems or somatic symptoms, headaches, stomach aches. And we're looking at high frequency, high intensity, high duration. So if you see any of those changes from baseline and it's more frequent and intense than usual, yeah, you want to give it some extra care and see if it even makes sense to get some professional care.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 13:14

Yeah. And for those professionals, there's obviously psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, but even our school counselors can be helpful as we transition back into the school year, reaching out to them, letting them know some of what we're seeing, right?

Dr. Peter Montminy 13:30

Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 13:32

Perfect. And so, you know,

Building Resilience And Realistic Expectations

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 13:35

we often talk about resilience and how transitions are always hard, change is always hard, and our kids are resilient. You know, we can navigate through hard things and come out even stronger. And so, what can we be doing to help with that resiliency or to help them even feel more confident as they enter into this new school year?

Dr. Peter Montminy 13:55

Yeah. The number one thing I like to do is remind them how they overcame such obstacles or itchy, ouchy feelings previously, which they did. They have. So we want to really remind them, yes, of course you're feeling some of that right now. And remember, you know, right now fifth grade feels scary. Remember when you first went to first grade and it felt scary, and then as a piece of cake, you know, afterwards or whatever. So reminding kids how they overcame, how they adjusted, how they succeeded previously, with some specific examples. In fact, have fun reminiscing with your kiddos about how, you know, last year or the year before was actually a good year, ways in which it was a good year. And it doesn't mean they didn't have a rough year, some years, but go back to other years when they successfully overcame it, really highlight that to instill a realistic sense of you did it before, you can, we can, do it again, and the can-do attitude coming from that. And then the one other thing I'll add, icing on the cake, is again to allow for a sense of imperfection, right? To to not expect it's gonna be perfect, to expect some ups and downs, some Alchy moments, and just build that in as part of the ingredients of, yeah, and there may be moments that don't go well, and that's okay, we'll figure it out. But for the most part, you have done well before, you're gonna do well again now.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 15:16

Yeah, thank you. So just adding in another question around expectations. You know, we're in a college town, there's a lot of academic pressures that are out there, and sometimes that might come from family, sometimes it might come just from being in the community that we're in, and sometimes it comes from our kids ourselves. So, especially for our kids where they start to get the letter grade, so middle school, high school, how do we help them maintain realistic expectations? How do we encourage them to do their best? And also recognize that sometimes we're not gonna perform to our highest standards, and how do we navigate that with them?

Dr. Peter Montminy 15:58

Yeah. A couple things come to mind. Good, really good question. One is the idea of we all have strengths and struggles, and to normalize and make that realistic, again, not just a cliche saying, but it's true that everyone is gonna have some things that are easier for them and some things that are harder, some things they do better at, some things not so much. And the crazy thing about school is it's the only time in your life where you're supposed to you're trying to be good at everything, and you're gonna have to sample and try to do everything. Yes, you're gonna have all these different subjects, all these things you're gonna need to try, and you're not gonna be perfect or even great at all of them. And and to again normalize and humanize that expectation. With that said, we want to really be promoting a growth mindset with reinforcing and praising effort more than outcome, and being specific more than being vague. So talking about, I really liked how you put in the work or the effort there, and yeah, that grade came along and it is what it is. Let's revisit and learn what what's the growth in learning about a feedback if you didn't get as good a good a grade as you wanted, or as good a grade as we wanted. And that's a whole new episode onto itself. Let's go back and revisit that another day. But striking some balance there, what do we learn from this? How do we grow from it? Put in the effort, those are the two things that come to mind.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 17:25

Thank you. That's something we often hear from our kids is just trying to figure out how do I navigate all this, especially with grades if they haven't really had those before and moving into a system that has more around those letter grades. Yeah. So yeah. So if you could leave families with one message as they head into

Celebrate The New Year And Close

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 17:45

the back to school season, what would it be?

Dr. Peter Montminy 17:48

It would be to celebrate, be in a celebratory, you know, attitude and mood. We have new adventures awaiting, new opportunities for learning, growing, you know, learning new information, making new friends, discovering new activities that we might be interested in in sports or the arts. Are you kidding me? This is a great adventure. Let's have an adventurous spirit about it and celebrate, going and seeing what we can can discover together. While again, allowing space for bumps and bruises along the way. And that would be that would be the song I would want to sing.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 18:22

Love it. I am ready to celebrate.

Dr. Peter Montminy 18:25

All right.

Marisa Vicere, Jana Marie Foundation 18:26

So stress during transition doesn't mean something is broken. It just means something is shifting. It's important to remember small steps like adjusting routines early, talking openly about worries, and focusing on connection can make a big difference in helping kids feel grounded and supported as they head back to school. Thank you, Dr. Montminy, for sharing your insights today. And thank you for everyone listening. We hope this conversation helps you support the young people in your life and yourself through this transition with a little more ease and a little more compassion. This podcast is brought to you by Jana Marie Foundation, where we're dedicated to opening minds and saving lives through conversations that matter, and by A mindful Village, where Dr. Peter Montminy provides holistic mental health care for kids and their caregivers. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a ripple. Together, let's keep showing up, speaking up, and supporting the young minds who need us most. Remember, even the smallest actions can create waves of change.