The Midlife Superpower: Dr. Ellen Albertson on Self-Compassion & Reinvention

What if the key to rocking midlife with more confidence, joy, and ease was already within you? Spoiler alert: it is! And that key is self-compassion—a powerful superpower that can transform how you navigate midlife and beyond.

Dr. Ellen Albertson knows this firsthand. A fierce and fabulous 60+ Reinvention Rebel, she’s mastered the art of self-compassion to fuel her many reinventions. From overcoming midlife insecurities to stepping boldly into new possibilities, she’s proof that self-compassion is the foundation for reinvention success.

In this inspiring episode, Dr. Ellen shares how embracing self-compassion can help you rewrite old stories, quiet self-doubt, and create a life that truly lights you up.

We talk about:

 ✨ Why self-compassion is the ultimate midlife superpower
 ✨ How self-compassion acts as both a parachute and a life vest
 ✨ The #1 reason self-compassion should be your first step in reinvention
 ✨ A simple 3-step practice to strengthen your self-compassion muscle
 ✨ The surprising link between self-compassion and body confidence
 ✨ How to reframe fear into excitement to fuel your dreams

Midlife is full of change, but with self-compassion on your side, you can embrace the journey with more ease and possibility. Tune in and discover how to make self-compassion your secret weapon for reinvention!

🎧 Listen now and start showing up for yourself in a whole new way.

Build Your Reinvention Muscles

Ready to jumpstart your reinvention journey? Download host Wendy's free gift, 100 Ways to Reinvent in Midlife!

Connect with Ellen:

Website: https://themidlifewhisperer.com/
Book: Rock Your Midlife

Social Media:
Instagram: @The_Midlife_Whisperer
Twitter @RockYourMidlife
Facebook: Dr. Ellen Albertson
Linkedin: @drellenalbertson
Pinterest: @tigerwellness1

Kick your midlife fears and uncertainty to the curb and start your Reinvention Rebels journey today. Learn about my audio program, Midlife Reinvention From The Inside Out: 8 Essentials to Greenlight Your Life.

Transcript

00:00 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Reinvention really starts with loving myself and then saying what's going to make me happy, what's going to light me up, and then that allows me to shine my joy, my light, and that really moves things forward and, as you said, creates this ease and attracts opportunities to really make the second chapter of the second act amazing. 

00:24 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Welcome to Reinvention Rebels. Stories of brave and unapologetic women, 50 to 90 years young, who have boldly reinvented life on their own terms to find new purpose and possibilities. I'm your host, wendy Battles. I need to kick your fears to the curb, do it scared and step into who you are meant to be in midlife and beyond. These amazing women, these Reinvention Rebels, can help light your Reinvention path. Come join us and let's get inspired together. Hey, hey, hey. Reinvention Rebels. Welcome to another episode. I'm your host, wendy. I'm so glad you're joining me today and I'm really excited because right now I am on hiatus. Right now I am on hiatus. 

01:24
I am busily getting season seven of the podcast with our theme how I Bet on Myself and Never Look Back. I'm getting it ready and it's going to be debuting in May. I'm very excited. I'm busy interviewing and editing episodes and getting ready to welcome amazing women on our fabulous podcast. That is all about celebrating midlife boldness and all that comes with that. When we decide it's our time, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. It's about what we think and what we want and moving in the direction of those things. And what an amazing lineup of women. You are in for a treat in coming weeks, but in the meantime, I'm sharing some of my best of episodes so you know you don't miss me too much and you can continue to get inspired. 

02:22
And today I am so excited about this episode one of my top episodes with my friend, dr Ellen Albertson, and this theme of self-compassion why self-compassion is so important, why we need it, especially as we're reinventing and navigating with life, with all of the things that happen and we deal with and we struggle with and we triumph over. Self-compassion is a key thing we all need and I really love how Dr Ellen talks about it. I think you're really going to enjoy this episode and I want to say, if you are loving it as you're listening, please share it with people in your life, the women in your life especially, that could benefit from her wisdom, her grace, her insights, her inspiration to help move us in the direction of our dreams. So you know, you can hit the share button in your favorite listening app and do it that way. That'd be great. I totally appreciate it. Here is this conversation with Dr Ellen Albertson. Enjoy every delicious moment of it. I'm so excited to introduce you to my guest today. 

03:42
59-year-young Dr Ellen Albertson, this fabulous and inspiring reinvention rebel has reinvented herself multiple times over multiple decades, so she knows a thing or two about new beginnings, how to start fresh and see new possibilities. Allen is a psychologist, registered dietitian, national board certified health and wellness coach, reiki master and mindful self-compassion teacher. Known as the midlife whisperer, she helps women raise their vibration so they have the energy, confidence and clarity to make their next chapter their best chapter. A best-selling author, inspirational speaker and expert on women's well-being, dr Ellen has appeared on Extra, the Food Network and NBC World News and has been quoted in Psychology Today, eating Well and USA Today. She has written five books and articles for Self, better Homes and Gardens and Good Housekeeping. 

04:54
Her latest book is Rock your Midlife Seven Steps to Transform Yourself and Make your Next Chapter. Transform yourself and make your next chapter your best chapter. She brings over 25 years of counseling, coaching and healing experience to her holistic practice and transformational work. She lives on the Champlain Islands of Vermont with her high-tech, raw food loving partner, ken and her tree climbing border collie, rosie. Dr Ellen, welcome to the Reinvention Rebels guest chair. 

05:32 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Thank you, Wendy. I am so delighted to be here and you have such a beautiful voice. Thank you. 

05:40 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Thank you so much and I am equally thrilled. I am very excited for our conversation to Reinvention Rebels rocking midlife and inspiring other people, other women. So we have a lot to get to and I'd like to start our conversation by talking about possibilities. Talking about possibilities you are a testament, dr Ellen, to seeing new possibilities in your life and you have reinvented yourself many times, in many different ways. I would love to start our conversation by asking you about which reinventions have been most impactful in your life and why Well that's a great question. 

06:27 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
So I would say so many. But I think that going from the corporate world to become a nutritionist was huge. Because when I went to college I didn't know what I wanted to be and I went to a school that had went to University of Pennsylvania they had the Wharton School and I'd always been interested in entrepreneurship and marketing and business. So I went into business, I went into the corporate world. But once I got there and I was living in New York City and I was in retailing, I just didn't like it. I missed working with people. 

06:57
So my first reinvention was really going from the corporate world into becoming a nutritionist. Working with people was huge and then sort of, I would say, after that, going into media. So my master's degree for nutrition was in media nutrition, communications. So I learned lots of media techniques. I was able to both learn nutrition and also go to the communication school, bu. 

07:21
So that was transition, where I worked with my ex-husband as the cooking couple. So I was a celebrity chef. I had I had a radio show. So that was a big transition and I kind of went back to become a personal fitness trainer, working with people again and then becoming a coach and psychologist, so it's all kind of come full circle. But I would say the biggest reinventions are really marrying my love of working with people, inspiring people, helping people transform, getting more and more things in my toolbox to do that more effectively. And then also I just love media. I love writing, I love being in front of a camera, I love being on podcasts and radio shows. So those you know it's sort of come full circle. But I would say going into the media world as the cooking couple was huge. And then, you know, really establishing myself as a practitioner, as a personal trainer and also as a nutritionist and coach has been really big. 

08:07 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I love it, and when I hear you talk about that, the first thing I hear are a lot of parallels, because I was a corporate person. I wasn't really into the corporate world. I studied nutrition. I really love helping, inspiring other people too. So I love this trajectory that you've been on and really this path of self-discovery over the years, because part of what I hear you saying is that you've tuned into what makes you shine, where you find your sweet spot, where you find something you love doing and you're great at doing that. And I feel like that's such a key part of midlife when we can kind of combine those things and find that sweet spot. 

08:48 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, knowing your strengths is really important, and knowing your weaknesses and what you love to do I think the point of midlife is the reason that people have like the quote unquote crisis thing is because you're doing something and realizing where's my joy gone, like I can't drag myself out of bed, I'm going to the same job that I hate and it's not in alignment with your strengths, what you love to do and what you're here to do. So what's key here is really listening to your heart, listening to all your emotions, not pushing those difficult emotions away, but saying why am I feeling like this? What might I do to get my joy back? What work lights me up? What did I love to do as a kid? And this is why my first step in Rock your Midlife is really authenticity. Knowing yourself and what you're awesome at, what's in your genius zone, your strengths, is so key to reinventing yourself and finding fulfillment at midlife. 

09:35 - Wendy Battles (Host)
That is everything. And you had me when you said finding out what you were meant to do where that place is, because I have found that to be the same thing too. That one I really was able to tune into. This is my genius spot, as you said. This is where I shine. It seems like a light bulb went on and everything shifted in a much simpler way than I was. I was making it so difficult and I realized, huh, it doesn't have to be so hard after all. 

10:02 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, that's a great point and I think it's that inside out transformation. When we are vibing with what's going on inside, then the outside thing shows up, opportunities show up, the right people show up, we move in the right direction. But a lot of times what happens is we keep trying to change the outside, like I'll get a new job, I'll you know, I'll move to a new city, I'll find a new spouse. Whatever it is trying to change the outside when it's not in alignment with the insides. We have to sort of search inside and figure out, you know, what is it that's really going to light me up, or what are the emotions that I am trying to vibe with and experience in my life, and how do I get more of those feelings right now? And then we'll start to attract the things that we want and, like you said, it's much easier when we're in alignment. 

10:51 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Yeah, alignment is everything, and it sounds to me like, over the course of your different reinventions, you went through this period or this evolution of tuning in, each time more to your authentic self. Would you say that that's the case, or was there something that was different as you evolved in midlife? 

11:12 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Well, I think getting to know myself was a big piece of it. I think for a lot of my lifetime. What I was doing prior to midlife is I was clawing up this ladder of success, but the ladder was up against the wrong building. And when I figured out, okay, what's the building that lights me up, what's the right building, then things shifted. The other huge turning point was learning to love myself, and that's why that's the second step in my book. I learned self-compassion. 

11:37
I was going back to school for psychology and I was fortunate enough to meet Kristen Knapp, who was on my dissertation committee. My research was on body image and self-compassion in women, and she required me to learn self-compassion, which is essentially the how of self-love, and I think of it as like the heart of self-care. As I started to love myself, as I started to treat myself with kindness rather than criticism, everything shifted. I started to do more of the things that let me up. I started to, you know, not do things that insulted my soul. I started questioning relationships that weren't working and being kinder to myself, doing what I needed for myself to feel supported so that I could do more things in the world, and that really led me in a whole new direction. Self-compassion shifted my trajectory, you know, 180 degrees, turned things completely around. 

12:26 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Self-compassion. That's such an interesting topic because I don't think it's the type of thing that automatically always comes to mind oh, am I being self-compassionate? Sometimes we don't know what we don't know, we don't know that. Perhaps we need to focus on that. So I think that's really interesting, and I see so many women and perhaps you see this too that are hard on themselves needlessly and not even that anyone else is hard on us, but we can be our own worst critic. So I like this idea of self-compassion, but it really begs the question for me of how do we develop that self-compassion muscle? I know that you said that you really woke up in your life when you came into this, but how does one even start to go down that? 

13:17 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
path. Yeah, what you said is so true. We are much harsher on ourselves than others. If we treated others the way we treat ourselves, we wouldn't have friends. Right, right, exactly. But you know, the cool thing is that self-compassion is a muscle. It is both a state and a trait. So some people are naturally more self-compassionate than others. But it also is a state that you can grow and the way that you do that is really threefold. 

13:38
There's these three elements of self-compassion. The first thing is you are kind to yourself rather than critical. You change that judgmental self-talk. You tell the self-critic to take a time out and instead you talk to yourself the way you would a good friend, with kindness. So there's an action component there, that you are being kind to yourself rather than critical. The second piece is something called common humanity. You realize that everybody struggles, everybody's imperfect. When something goes wrong, it's normal. Instead of like saying, oh my God, why is this happening to me? Or I'm so stupid to allow this to happen, blame it on yourself, you're like, oh gosh, this is normal. 

14:16
And then the key piece here is the third element, which is called mindfulness. So self-compassion. We're mindful when you notice that you're stressed and struggling. So you're really, you know, having trouble at work or you're having a health crisis or you're having problems, you know, with a spouse or one of your children, you stop. Instead of trying to problem solve or plow forward, you say, like, what is it that I need right now? And you give yourself what you need and I promise you, over time, if you do these three things, things will really start to shift. 

14:46
And in terms of the reinvention piece, self-compassion is super key because it's both a parachute and a life vest. So it's a parachute in that we can soar really high, we can take those risks. Reinvention means stepping outside your comfort zone, taking some risks. We take the risks because we know well, if I fall, I've got this resource me to pull myself up. And when we are in more of a crisis mode, we have this life vest that can really help us to get to higher ground. So it works both ends, with depression, stress, anxiety, also with wellbeing, optimism. So it's a superpower, wendy. Absolutely. It's such a key thing for people to know. I love this. 

15:24 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I love this idea of the parachute and the life vest. I mean, that's just such a great image that it can be both those things. And to me, when I hear you talk about it, it speaks to me of self-awareness and this awakening that it is possible for me, for you, for any of us, that it's out there if we are willing to kind of lean in, be curious, try on this idea of self-compassion. And I also hear you saying that we can get better at this, that we can build that muscle. 

16:02 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
So if we practice it, if we're willing to practice that, we have the ability to get better at it we do, and the cool thing about it, too, is that it's such an interesting contrast to self-esteem and we're always trying to like, do things to feel better about ourselves, but with self-compassion we always feel good about ourselves. 

16:20
The problem with self, you know that self-esteem is that we can feel really good one day and then the next day we can have an incident where our, our, our, compare ourselves to somebody else, our self-esteem plummets With self-compassion. We're continuously building the muscle, feeling better and warmer towards ourselves, and that really helps us move forward. I have to say that you know this sort of bringing this not enoughness, which that used to be my kind of modus operandi, like when I am, I have that degree or that perfect body, whatever that is, then I'll feel okay. But I had this backpack of not enoughness. I was bringing it into my future self and it kept showing up. So now it really starts with loving myself and then saying what's going to make me happy, what's going to light me up, and then that allows me to shine my joy, my light, and that really moves things forward and, as you said, creates this ease and attracts opportunities to really make the second chapter, the second act, amazing. 

17:13 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Yeah, and I think you said something too that spoke to me when you said shine the light, because I think that when we can tune into that ease and we can shine our light, as you said, it just attracts all kinds of things. But I also feel like there's this amazing sense of freedom that I didn't have before, and I guess it's because I wasn't doing what I was meant to do and it took me a long time to uncover it. And now that I've stepped into that, things feel so liberating, and I guess it took me until my mid-50s to figure that out. Right, we're all on a journey, but I love that idea of it is possible for us to feel more free and liberated, honestly, no matter how old we are. 

17:57 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, and more joyful too. I think that's what people more joyful, more confident and I think a key piece too is that you get to a certain age and you stop caring what other people think. Yes, you know, you realize that you're running out of time and you want to really enjoy the second chapter of your second adulthood. And I think a big piece is we're living longer, right? So we have all of this opportunity for reinvention, to really figure out what's going to light us up, so we can just go for it. 

18:25 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Totally and completely. And when we do, it's like because I also think that when we go for it, when we put ourselves out there and yes, it's risky and sometimes it's a little scary to do that because we don't know what's on the other side but when we are willing to do that, it is amazing, as you said, the joy that we can have. That sometimes I feel like we don't even know was possible. 

18:50 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, joy kind of sneaks up on you, it surprises you. But if you stay in your comfort zone, you're never going to get to that place. If you keep doing the same thing, you're gonna get the same results. And so if you have that I think I posted the other day and on Instagram, just you know, if you've got that desire to write posted the other day on Instagram, just you know, if you've got that desire to write, to paint, to sing, to dance, to do a podcast, well, listen to it. And then you know, figure out the next smallest step. 

19:13
And maybe that step and that's why I love the self-compassion piece, cause if you're like and I know I need to do something, I know I need to reinvent myself, but I'm not sure what it is Starting with the self-compassion really will start to change things, because you'll do what is in your best interest, you'll listen to your heart, your soul, you'll want to create a life that feels really good for you. So that's just a very specific thing that you can start with. And then also, starting with that authenticity piece, figuring out who I am and what lights me up, think about what did you love to do when you were five, like I knew when I was five years old and they went around the room and they said, like what do you want to be when you, you grow? What did you say, wendy, when they, when the teacher, asked you that? Do you remember the first thing you wanted to be? 

19:53
I think, a teacher, I wanted to be a teacher yeah, I wanted to be a writer and I don't know why I didn't even know what a writer was and it's just. But now that's a large part of what I do. But I knew at five that that was something that I wanted to do. But we know who we are, what we want to do, but we have to step out of our comfort zone. But I think that getting to the end of my life and not fulfilling my destiny is a heck of a lot scarier than whatever it is that we face that keeps us from reinventing ourselves. 

20:23 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I think that that is so true and it's interesting. You asked me about what did I want to be, because I know that when I got to be about nine or 10, I loved sports and I decided that I wanted to be a sportscaster. Now, mind you, this is in the 70s, so it's not like today where there are women on ESPN, there are sideline reporters, there are women that do basically every role that has to do with sports when it comes to reporting. So it was a lot different back then and I remember I would. I was, I grew up in New Jersey, I'd listen to every New York Mets game. I'd watch it on TV with my dad. I'd then write up a story and then I'd announce it with my in my little tape recorder. Like this is me, and I always had this dream. 

21:06
Well, it's very interesting, I think, how we can get that inkling when we're younger about something, even though we have no clue, right? You don't have any idea what that even means when you're that age. But fast forward many years later and I am taking those skills I love using my voice for good. It's not as a sportscaster, right, so that's changed, but it's still that same idea, right, that same idea of being a teacher, right, inspiring people. So I think you're on to something with that that we can look backward often to get clues, something with that that we can look backward often to get clues. 

21:54
Hey, are you loving this episode as much as the conversation that Ellen and I are having? You can tell we're having a great time, right? If you're loving this, if you're garnering really helpful information, if you're feeling inspired, I'm going to ask a small favor. Would you mind writing me a brief review about this episode, about the podcast, about what you love on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser or at re-inventionrebelscom? It's simple, it only takes a couple of minutes and you can find all the details in the show notes. 

22:29 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Thanks so much yeah, often when we're young we have that bred out of us, right? So, like I was a theater kid, like I love to dance and sing and play music and you know my mom was always like shh, gotta be quiet. Everyone was supposed to be super quiet and well behaved, and so I wanted to be a good girl more than I wanted to be on stage and I was also kind of, I think, told to be small. But now that I'm, you know, like you in ukulele, I'm teaching myself ukulele and it's super fun and I'm realizing, gosh, as a kid I love to sing and I'm loving dancing again, and all of these things that we kind of like shove, you know, into a drawer and we forget about and then we wonder why we feel so dead inside because those parts of ourselves we need to rediscover them. I love I don't know if you've listened to Will Smith's autobiography, but he talks about, you know, his wife, jada, and you know he talks about how she had to like rediscover the bones. 

23:31
There's a great book out called, I think it's called Rediscovering the Bones and how we have to sort of excavate these parts of ourselves that we have just, you know, shoved again in that drawer under the rug because someone told us that it wasn't okay and that might've. It usually happens before we're 10. And we wonder, like, like you said, why am I not joyful? How do I get that back? And it creeps up on you and all of a sudden you realize you know, you've got your headphones on and you're talking in a mic and, gosh, you're joyful, exactly. 

23:59 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Exactly, and I have to say I love that you're playing the ukulele, that you are learning how. That is so cool and just a great example of anything is possible, whether it's a hobby or it's something bigger. We want to pursue that. When we have that inkling and I love that idea of the excavation we can kind of dig down deep, really begin to take a shovel out all that dirt that perhaps is covering up that gem that's hidden below, because I think you're right that sometimes, especially as women, I think we are made to stay small, to not tune into or not always be encouraged to find that voice and express that voice, and I think we self-monitor ourselves so much. So all of those things I think are such key ingredients to reinventing ourselves. 

24:59 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Well, I think it's changing. I mean, something that I'm finding that's so refreshing is that women are collaborating Like we are not competing, Like I don't want to be you, you don't want to be me. It's just about being the you is you. When you come down to, how do I be my absolute best self? How do I know myself, love myself, energize myself, reinvent myself, empower myself, enlighten myself? How do I do all of those things? That's when life gets really joyful and we kind of fall in love with ourselves and our lives and, you know, we start to attract different friends and life gets really really juicy, yeah, it does, it does. 

25:35 - Wendy Battles (Host)
And speaking of juicy, miss Ellen, Dr Ellen, I have to say that I saw your Instagram video the other day when you were dancing joyfully, so that was my first one. It was. 

25:48 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
I was a little scared and I grew. I wanted to be a dancer along with being a writer. Like being a dancer was I love to dance. I grew up doing modern dance. I was in New York. I would have teachers in from New York City and I was like all right, it's, it's time to do the dance video. So I'll be doing more of those. 

26:02 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I think it's great and I, and you know, I think too that when we see, sometimes when we see other people doing something like that, it gives us permission to do it ourselves, our own version of it. But I think that that was great. I was because I thought, you know, one day I'm going to do a dance video. I've been thinking about that. But you know, I mean I'm just starting to even experiment with doing reels and I said, oh, dr Allen's doing it. You know, any of us can do any of these things if we're willing to lean in. 

26:30
And I think so much of it to me that we're talking about in this conversation speaks to the idea of curiosity, just being curious about what could be possible, and that it's okay if I try something and it doesn't work out. 

26:46 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, absolutely. I love the word curiosity, just exploring and asking what if? And it's super important, as you're thinking about this reinvention, to understand the neuroscience. So your brain isn't interested in you being happy reinventing yourself. What your brain wants to do is keep you safe and change and transformation. Reinvention is not safe to your brain, so you have to, you know, kind of get outside your comfort zone. 

27:10
But, honestly, what's the worst thing that's going to happen? I mean, as far as if you're thinking, gee, I want to show up in social media, I mean it's so incredible that every single one of us is a creator, now can be a creator, whether it's Facebook, whether it's doing a podcast, whether it's writing a book. We all have the ability to have our own media platform and put ourselves out there. And, honestly, the worst thing that happens is nobody, nobody likes it. And so you're like, okay, well then I have to do something differently. It's not a big deal. Nobody is. You're not in any mortal danger. No one is going to like hunt you down, people are not. 

27:42
I. I have had so few times that people have, you know, trolled me or anything like that. It's honestly, people may not, you know, like, youred me or anything like that. It's honestly, people may not, you know, like your post and then you have to be like okay, do I want to keep doing this? Do I want to like switch it up? But if you want to have a voice and put yourself out there, it's actually incredibly easy to do and it's free. 

27:59 - Wendy Battles (Host)
As long as you have a cell phone, you can do all kinds of stuff, absolutely, and it is a great way to test the waters in whatever way that reinvention might manifest, whether it's on social media or it doesn't necessarily have to be Instagram. Maybe it's doing a Facebook Live, it could be anything right, it could be talking to our friends so many opportunities to just get out there. And that says to me a little bit sort of building on this idea that you mentioned about self-compassion and building that muscle. What goes hand in hand with that for me is this idea of building our courage muscle, because part of what I heard you say is, once you get that idea, whatever that idea is, you can, kind of you can step out in small ways, which, to me, speaks, speaks to I can, I can, over time, I can, I can build my courage muscle. So I am curious about your reinvention journey and how you built your courage muscle, dr Ellen. 

29:00 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
What have you done to do that Well. It's great also to note that that the word courage courage is the root, is core, which is heart. So, as we're thinking about, you know our hearts and building that, listening to heart, it's so important. So for me, it's just always doing the things that scare me and coming out more and more as my authentic self. I remember the first time that I went from I was showing a brand that wasn't working very good and I was showing my 40 year old self, when I was actually in my 50s, and I just felt like an incredible hypocrite, completely inauthentic, and I'm just like you know what F it? I'm going to just show my own self, what I really looked like, and I posted a current picture and my heart was beating like a mile a minute, but I knew I needed to show up as my true self. So I think for me, the courage has been shedding layers, showing myself more and more. This is like really me, this is my life, this is what I do. I'm not, you know, having a completely fluffy and wearing a ton of makeup but or anything. I mean, it's fine if that's your thing, but just me being me, and I think writing the book took a lot of courage. So, writing Rock your Midlife, I really had to set aside like nine months of my life and just like every morning getting up writing. It's a 65,000 words, you know, and I put a lot of time, a lot of energy, money into it and putting it out there, believing that this book had legs, that it was going to help a lot of women. Um, I am also like you, starting a radio show podcast in March, the end of March, so I have to have you on for that as well. And talking about, um, you know, the same midlife issues, so that's like okay, that's the next level of putting myself out there. So it's just a constant. You know, putting myself on bigger stages, wanting to reach more people, but always doing it because I want to help other women. 

30:42
When I do it from an ego perspective, it always falls flat. When I do it with from my heart and my heart, saying if I can shine my light and educate more women, inspire more women, that's going to make a huge difference in the world and make a difference for, you know, I've got a daughter, so it's going to make a difference for her and even in my son, the next generation. So doing it from that heartfelt place, but always saying, okay, this, this scares me. Writing the book was scary and doing, you know, a radio show it's going to be live. That's scary but it's. 

31:11
But turning the fear into excitement right Is because the the fear and excitement are very similar in terms of the physiology anxiety, fear. These are about like something in the future. But we can say excitement is too we can get excited about oh my gosh, I have a book that's coming out or I have a radio show that's coming out. I'm thinking about doing a TED Talk as well, thinking about, okay, being on that stage with 1,600 eyeballs on me and am I going to remember my lines and do this thing? But it's about getting on bigger and bigger stages for me, or even little things, like playing my ukulele on Instagram, which I haven't gotten the guts to do yet. But you know, my heart's like, yeah, show women. Like, yeah, I can get up and be fun and silly and just, and showing all of those sides, the dancing side, and I'm a, I'm a little silly, I'm related to Jerry Lewis, so there's that kind of humorous, goofy part of me too and just showing who I am to the world. 

32:04 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I love it. I love it. I love one, the idea of fear, and on the other side of that coin is excitement, so that if we can lean into that, there's so much goodness. And then I also love what you said about authenticity and being of service, that when you are being of service to other people and being your authentic self, just naturally you feel more courageous authentic self. 

32:33 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Just naturally, you feel more courageous. 

32:34 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Yeah, when we shine, we give other women permission to do the same exactly, and it just means that there are then endless possibilities. I love it. I love the idea of the midlife whisperer that just you know there's the I think the dog whisper, the horse whisperer there's. So whenever I hear the dog whisperer, the horse whisperer, so whenever I hear that, I immediately think, yeah, that's like to me a guide on this side. I'm a big into coaches. I've hired coaches so many different decades in my life to help me through different things, from career coaches to life coaches, to health coaches, not to mention a great therapist. So people really that can help light my path, and I think that it just brings so much to our lives. It can just enlighten us in so many ways. What brings you the most joy about being the midlife whisperer? 

33:28 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Coaching women and seeing them transform rapidly. I'm always so amazed at just a shift in mindset, listening to your heart, making a few habit changes on a regular basis, having them stick, and just all of a sudden seeing women who come to me. Initially they're looking 50, looking like right down, like it's like the barrel of shotgun I see 50. I don't know what I can do, but I am not happy. Like again, on the outside everything looks great and often they come to me because they're having eating issues. They're having this you know, netflix, chardonnay and cheddar habit every evening, because at the end of the day they're like I've got to do something that makes me feel good. And they see their waistlines expanding and it's scary and they can't stop it. So they come to me for, you know, weight loss. But what happens? What we end up doing is we work on helping them to really feel good about who they are. So it's the most satisfying and that's what's kind of a whisper like whispering to their soul. So you know, as a coach, I'm like, yeah, I'm a midlife whisperer and we're like really digging down and understanding your soul and your heart. But I'm also a tiger. Tigers are my power animal. So it's like yeah, let's do some ballsy things. Let's like learn how to talk to people and get our needs met in relationships, which is a huge issue for women at midlife. Who've been the good girl? Let's, yeah, let's. 

34:46
I had one client. She joined the circus, not like for you know, for life, but like she went for a weekend, like a weekend getaway, and she got in shape to join the circus. You know, I've had clients, just do you know? I had another client. She moved to Australia, from, from America to Australia. You know, I've had clients travel and do all kinds of crazy things, like do the bucket list and actually start doing those things. But that interchange. So just just seeing women be joyful and look and being able to celebrate 50 instead of going like, oh my god, this is scary, half my life is over. I don't like my trajectory. So that is really what lights me up. It's just clients who are success stories after success story. 

35:28 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I I can totally see that. I think of you as a midlife joy enabler. You know we think of enabling often as something bad. Well, you know someone's enabling some kind of bad behavior of some kind, but this, to me, is the total opposite. This is a joy enabler. You are enabling so many women to tune in and I like that combination of like you're the whisperer but you're also bold, you're helping them find their bold voice at the same time. 

35:57 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Well, people hire coaches. You know we hire coaches for, I think, energy, but accountability, right. So we want somebody who's going to, you know, not force I don't force people to do things and accountability is about okay, did you do it, did you not do it? What happened? Was the goal, you know, the wrong goal for you. How do we shift it up? And something I'm leaning into more now, too, is creating habits and strategies based on who you wanna be. So, if you're listening, think about what type of person do I wanna be? Do I wanna be a creative person? Do I want to be a healthy person? Do I want to be, you know, a wealthy person? Do I want to be a more joyful person? And then think about what are the habits and strategies that you can put in place to get to that place. I love James Clear's book Atomic Habits, where small little changes really add up. 

36:47 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Yeah, that makes such a difference and it just goes to show that we can build anything we want to if we have the desire. And I think so much of what we're talking about and certainly what you talk about in your book Rock your Midlife is, to me has a lot to do with our mindset, what our mindset is as we're navigating midlife, what we see could be possible, and if we can't see it, then helping finding someone reading a book or finding a coach that can help us with that. Why is mindset so important in midlife? 

37:25 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Well, our thoughts actually create our emotions and our habits. So we become what we think about all day. So if you're thinking about, my life is washed up, I've hit midlife, it's all downhill, well, that's what's going to show up for you, because you know your mind wants to be right. That's the story that you're creating for yourself. But if, on the flip side, we have thoughts like the sky's the limit, I change, I can really be happy and these are things that I want to create in my life. 

37:54
What happens is that we generate positive emotions and this isn't just woo. 

37:56
The research really shows as a woman named barbara frederickson who shows this broaden and build theory is that when you have more positive emotions, when the ratio of positive emotions is higher than the ratio of negative emotions, you broaden and build your horizons. You see opportunities, ways that you can reinvent yourself, big ways, small ways, whatever it is you want to be. So if we have positive thoughts, we change our mindset, we're more positive in terms of our emotions and that feeds into our habits. When we feel good about ourselves and our lives, when we're doing the self-compassion thing, we want to take care of ourselves. We want to create lives that are happy and rich and fulfilling and it's interesting too and I've seen this posted a lot lately that people are really happy in their sort of late 50s, 60s. We have this down U-shaped happiness curve where we kind of hit a low naturally and want to do this reinvention, but then we have this upswing. If we can keep our mindset positive, we really can feed that upswing and create an incredible next chapter for ourselves. 

38:56 - Wendy Battles (Host)
I see that I see that in so many women that I know and I'm sure you do too, both women you've coached and other people that you know that when you can get into that zone that you talk about, it is amazing how we can see such different things for our lives than perhaps we did in the past. And sometimes, you know, maybe for whatever reason, we've had a limited mindset. But I think, if we can, to your point, marry our thinking with the emotions and then making these small habits, these small changes, it's amazing how that can change the trajectory of our lives. 

39:34 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yes, and we have control over our thoughts. You know we can change our beliefs In Rock your Midlife. I start off talking about dandelions and how. You know, growing up my dad hated dandelions and of course I'm a kid I love dandelions, you know. They're beautiful, they're yellow. I the the puffball stage and I became an adult hail the dandelions. And then I moved out to this island of north hero where there are tens of thousands, if not hundreds, millions of dandelions everywhere, and I just grew to love them again. 

40:00
I wasn't gonna like nuke them or chop them off and put, you know, round up on them, and they're an incredible nutritious food. Every single part of the dandelion is edible. They're great for bees and birds, and so I've shifted my beliefs and so many of our beliefs we can shift. And you can start off with just an affirmation of I am enough, or today I'm going to do my best. Today I'm going to love myself. Do something, create an affirmation or an intention that really rings true for you, write it down, put it up on post-it notes I do have my clients do this all the time. Cover your bathroom mirror with post-it notes of I am enough. I am reinventing myself. You know, my life is awesome. I am, you know, creating a new me. Whatever resonates with you, it will really start to shift things for you. 

40:46 - Wendy Battles (Host)
That is so spot on this idea of the affirmations and keeping it, really present it and immediately brought to mind. 

40:55
I used to love the show being mary jane that was on bet, and this character, mary jane. 

41:02
She would put up all these post-its everywhere, like in her bathroom, I mean, you know, just kind of reminding herself of these things, and I have found that to be such a powerful tool to remind myself, because you said something I thought that was so important when you said that we can shift. We can shift our mindset, and it's not set in stone and you beautifully explained about the dandelions how, growing up, they were great and then you got to be an adult, you're like this stinks, they're everywhere, but then how you got to this point of but wait a minute, there is something really good about dandelions and, honestly, I didn't know all that, that they did all these great things. I only know them to be the same thing that many of us know them to be, as you expressed. I only know them to be the same thing that many of us know them to be, as you expressed. So I think that that's really insightful, though, about how we can still always have the possibility of shifting. 

41:57 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, we can also think about, you know, the weeds in our lives. We can look at them as weeds of like whether it's like this relationship I don't like, I don't like the pandemic, I don't like that my you know, my body's changing. Or we can look at them and say, okay, how do I use these weeds, these things in my life and work with them and see them as opportunities to shift and change. 

42:21 - Wendy Battles (Host)
If you're loving this episode, if you want more of this, more inspiration and information, more stories of brave and unapologetic women that have reinvented themselves in amazing, fierce and fabulous ways, take a minute to stop by my website, reinventionrebelscom, and sign up for my news and notes. I share bits of information, inspiration, things to help you think about reinventing yourself in midlife in bold ways. Exactly and I've thought of that even myself with my you know something shifting body and I obviously this happens to all of us at some point right, our hormones slow down, we go through perimenopause, menopause, I mean. Things just aren't the same and I know it's easy to just want for what we had remember when my body did all these things, but you know, my body can still do so many things and it can do different things. So I try to really live in that space of there's always more possibility for me to feel good in my body as I navigate midlife, and it doesn't have to be terrible by any means. 

43:37 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yes, and the self compassion piece can really help. My research showed that self-compassion improves body image, so it reduces the body shame, the body dissatisfaction, improves the body appreciation, which has nothing to do with the body. And it's just so important in midlife to really look at function, look at everything your body can do and, I think, just to see the divinity like we are trillions and trillions of cells that are all working together to keep us alive, and on top of that we have even more cells that are not part of our body, the whole microbiome thing. That's like living in our body and digesting our food and protecting us from germs, and it's just, it's kind of a gas to be alive, don't you think? 

44:14 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Totally, completely, totally, completely. And I don't know if you've heard this, but on I like listening to the Daily podcast from the New York Times and recently they had an episode and it was about people who are 70 and above in their sex life and I thought it was fascinating. It was about 50 minutes, this podcast episode. But there's such a stigma about women, about our sexual selves as we age. We're already often so self-critical about our bodies to begin with, and our changing bodies, and then add on now this other variable of what does it mean to be sexual as I age, when I feel like things are sagging or changing or I don't feel good about my body, let alone someone else looking at my body that I don't feel good about. And I thought this podcast was so empowering because it was all about people who are older than me that are having a lot of sex and enjoying it. 

45:14 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, and I think it's partially well. Of course there's no pregnancy, right, right, there's no kids around. And then I think it's so much about not. You know, yes, feel good about your body, but feel good in your body, yes, like looking at it as pleasure. And now you know, I'm engaged and I'm in a new relationship. I've been in this relationship for about a year and a half and it's really. 

45:33
I've deep-sixed a lot of my old stories too around that, talking about mindset, and it's much more fun and playful and connective and no expectations. It playful and connective and no expectations. It's kind of a. It's a breath of fresh air and so you can reinvent, you know, your relationships, your sex life, any aspect of yourself. I love that you brought that up because I think we need to talk more about it. 

45:53
You know we don't see. We see movies and we're taught like the most important thing in a relationship is this, like their, this idea of hot sex, right. And then we feel like, well, if I don't have that, if it doesn't look like that, then something's wrong. But we're not showing a lot of our ideas about who we are, about our sexuality, are informed by media and I think it's great that we're. You know their show, their podcasts like yours, and the New York Times is talking about it, and you know we're getting more characters in the media, a little bit more, that are really showing what midlife is like. But we need more of it, I think, especially for women. 

46:29 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Especially for women. I couldn't agree with you more because it's still, even when you hear all those things, it's still hard to sometimes apply to yourself To think, okay, well, dr Ellen might be doing that, she might be having more play and more fun in a relationship or in her work, but I don't know if I could do that. Or you might even see your friends doing that, and still you know how it is. People can tell you things, but until you can believe it for yourself, until you can really try it on and figure out how that information might work for you, it's sometimes it can be a disconnect. So the more that we can have these conversations and, I think, the more we can feel comfortable talking about it it's hard to. I think it's. 

47:09
You know they were talking about in this podcast how a lot of times when adult children find out their parents are having sex in like their seventies or eighties, they're like wait a minute. They should be like sitting at home playing with the grandkids or crocheting or not doing that. Right, there's this whole stigma we have in this society about that. So I just think, whatever the topic is, when we can find the language and we can build that comfort muscle, when we can get out of our comfort zone, even if it's to your point, those baby steps, taking those small steps to build a new habit, which is maybe just talking about something with someone that you trust. 

47:47 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, and I would add too I love that you use the word play and creativity, because, like, when kids are playing, they're not like worrying what are people going to think? Or can I build this Lego house correctly, can I draw this correctly and dance correctly they're just playing, and playing is like how you learn to be an adult. So maybe we need to learn as we're going through these ages, these adultings, these decades that we go through. We need to like, learn, like how do I play, whether it's being sexual, whether it's reinventing ourselves on any level, looking at it as play, because play is not about doing it right or wrong, getting it perfect, it's just about having fun. 

48:22 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Because play's not about doing it right or wrong, getting it perfect, it's just about having fun, exactly, exactly. And I think we probably both can agree that most of us take myself sometimes included take ourselves way too seriously. I right, I just have to do this really, really well. I mean, I definitely have gotten really comfortable with the idea of being perfectly imperfect, that I'm so far from that, as we all are, but that's okay. Like I can find so much more space to thrive when I've accepted this idea that it's great to be perfectly imperfect, that I'm figuring it out and that I can have more play, which just, I don't know, brings me joy. 

49:05
And I was telling you before we started that yesterday I ended up having this day date with my husband in a very unexpected way. We just went out to run an errand, which turned into a whole afternoon of like putzing around, going into these shops, going to have this impromptu late lunch, when often I'd be like, oh you know, I've got all these other things I need to do, but yesterday I just was in that space of being really open. It was a gorgeous day out. It was cold, but it was beautifully sunny, which always makes me feel good, and I just really leaned into let's play. 

49:39 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
That's fabulous. Yeah, it is. It is so important. And I love what you said about the being perfectly imperfect, because if you want to reinvent yourself, you're going to. I can call mistakes, you know, mistakes are just stepping stones on the road to success of where you want to be. And it's a, it's a cliche, but you got to enjoy the journey. You've got to enjoy every step along the way and see all of these things as opportunities to learn and grow and inspire other people. And I think if you have that playful mindset and you let go of the expectations and the way that you're supposed to look and how it's supposed to be and just enjoy figuring out for yourself and just be like whatever works for me is fine, You'll get there, and so I love that you played. I played too. 

50:20
We went cross-country skiing and we watched just the bridges of Madison County, which was interesting because that's kind of I was I'm just interested in midlife and women with Meryl Streep, kind of having a wonderful experience with Clint Eastwood. So it was an interesting movie to sort of look at where women were at in 65 versus today and all of the opportunities that we have versus where our moms were. And I remember when my mom, my brother, my oldest sibling went to college, my mother cried. She was so upset and you know I was sad when my daughter went to college, but I also was celebratory. It was like, okay, I'm hidden into empty nests, there's going to be more space for other things, and I was super happy that she was on her journey and she was on, you know, her next level of reinvention. We have to keep moving. It's like, I guess, the woody on the shark right, we gotta like be like a shark. You're either like moving forward or you're not. 

51:13 - Wendy Battles (Host)
Exactly, and that's such a beautiful way you put that this idea of moving forward and how generationally it is so different. So and I think that you know these generations now we see so many more possibilities, so I'm grateful that we just have the possibilities that we can lean into these possibilities and see all the different things that we could do. I love all the wisdom that you have shared today, dr ellen, ellen. So many insights, so much great advice from your book Rock your Midlife. As we're beginning to wrap up, I would love to know what else you'd like to tell the audience about midlife reinvention. Any of the above? 

52:02 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Yeah, I'd love to mention destination vibration, because that really was a pivotal thing for me. It's just, your life can be so much better than you imagine. What I ended up doing is when the pandemic hit. I took this class and I learned this technique called destination vibration, where I envisioned an emotional and that I love joy, so I wanted to be more. I had more joy in my life and I envisioned myself getting back to dancing again. So I saw myself at five and in my twenties and my teens and dancing and started dancing more myself and even though you know we were in lockdown, and I feel like I attracted this incredible place of North Hero and this amazing man who loves to dance and just something that's so in alignment. 

52:46
So I guess that, just wherever you are at, if you are not satisfied with an aspect of your life whether it's your relationships, your body, your mind, your heart, your spirit, your career it's never too late to reinvent yourself. And connecting with the way you want to feel through visualization and I tell you exactly how to do it in the book really will attract that next step for you. So if you don't know what that next step is, that next you know down the road what that's going to look like. You only need your next step. Okay, so like what is like one thing I'm going to do tomorrow. 

53:14
Maybe you love to bake cupcakes, so it's maybe like well, maybe I'm going to bake a bunch of cupcakes and bring him to the fire department, or you know, I don't know, but just thinking about what's that thing that I love to do and how can I do more of that in the world, what really lights me up. So you don't need to know what the whole thing is going to look like. I don't think we ever know what the whole thing is going to look like. You just need to be wanting it and moving forward and connecting with that, visualizing the way you want to feel and using that emotional connection. So your thoughts are kind of the blueprint of where you want to be in terms of reinvention. Your emotions are the magnetic quality that draws that towards you. So you've got to do that emotional piece of visualizing and feeling it with all your senses, or feeling that the way you want to feel, that way you felt elsewhere in your life, and reconnect with that. 

54:03 - Wendy Battles (Host)
It is amazing the power of visualization and how that can really transport us forward into what that thing is when we're willing to take the time, lean into it and see what are you possible. So, everybody, you got to go check out this book. Rock your Midlife. You can hear that there are so many gems in this book and I've only just gotten started. I haven't had a chance to even get through the whole book yet, but it is full of information, inspiration and ideas that can really light us up. 

54:41
I know that we're all in different places in this idea of reinvention. Some of us maybe have, quote-unquote, figured it out, some of us are just thinking about it. Some of us are afraid but maybe want to know. We know that we want something more. We just don't know what it is. So this is a great place to start, just to begin to ask yourself some questions and lean into a little self inquiry about it. Which brings me to my question, dr Ellen, where can people find you? You shared this great information, all this inspiration. I know people listening are going to be like, well, where can I find Dr Ellen? I know she's on Instagram because she's making dance videos and other things and we'd be playing the ukulele, but where can people find you? 

55:27 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
to connect. Well, first, thank you so much for your kind words about the book, so I'm glad that you're enjoying it. I am. That's been huge for me to hear other women saying you know what. It's coming at the right time, the right place. I wanted to write a book that was more of a how-to manual, because there's a lot of memoirs, which are great, and the book has memoirs and stories, so people want to get to that touch with me. 

55:50
Just google the midlife whisperer. I am the only midlife whisperer on the planet. Um, I am the midlife whisperer on instagram. On facebook, I'm dr ellen albertson, but if you just go to the midlifewhisperercom, you can grab the book I've got a free gift there as well and then you you'll have little buttons that will allow you to connect with me on social. If you'd want to do that, I would love to meet you and if you are struggling, happy to get in the conversation and keep listening to Wendy, because I think that's so important. One thing we didn't talk about is be judicious with what you consume, media wise. So fill yourself up with those shows, those podcasts, those television programs and social things that light you up and inspire you and challenge you to reinvent yourself. 

56:29 - Wendy Battles (Host)
It is so right on about that. Right. I think we can all sometimes get overwhelmed, especially these days, with so much bad news and challenges. We're all faced with all kinds of challenges personally, globally, you name it. We're all faced with all kinds of challenges personally, globally, you name it. So you are right about consuming things that lift us up, that inspire us, that help us shine that light and hopefully that has done this path of reinvention, whatever that means for any of us. I cannot thank you enough for joining me today. It has been such a pleasure to have this conversation about midlife reinvention, rocking our midlife and what, honestly, is possible for any of us, really at any age, whether you're listening, as a lot of people listen that aren't even in midlife. They might be younger my mom listens and she's 89. So she's definitely past midlife but I think that there are endless possibilities. So thank you, dr Ellen. Thank you so much for gracing me with your presence today. 

57:33 - Ellen Albertson (Guest)
Thank you, wendy, it was a blast. 

57:38 - Wendy Battles (Host)
So many nuggets, so many possibilities with this idea of self-compassion, of treating ourselves with kindness, of thinking differently about how we talk to ourselves, which I will say is a work in progress and I've gotten really good about it. But just last week I was away and some things happened and I spent a night beating myself up over it and then I was like I had to let it go. So you know how it is Even when we flex that muscle, sometimes we have to focus on it or refocus on it, and that's okay too, but it's just like anything else. It's a muscle we can build. We can build our self-compassion muscle, which, to me, also speaks to the endless possibilities that exist for all of us in midlife and beyond, no matter what our age is Like. I just turned 60 and one of the things I want to learn how to do this year is to shuffle dance, so I am going to look into taking some online classes. There are endless things we can do to reinvent and recreate online classes. 

58:46
There are endless things we can do to reinvent and recreate, and if this conversation today sparks something in you like I want to do more of this. I want to lean into what I could do in midlife or how I could reinvent myself. I invite you to download my free gift 100 ways to reinvent in midlife, because we all need ideas. Y', we need inspiration to see what's possible, and sometimes just thinking broadly to give us ideas if we're feeling stuck can be the elixir we need to get us moving forward to taking action. And that's where it all starts. 

59:20
By the way, before we go, I want to tell you about a podcast I really love and I think you will too. I'm on a mission to tell you all about my fellow 50 plus podcasters who are up to amazing things, and this episode I want to tell you about my friend, wendy Green and her podcast called Boomer Banter real talk about aging. Well, it's a show for those of us who have journeyed through life's ups and downs and you know we've all done that and recognize that aging brings new opportunities, opportunities to follow some of the past that we may have left behind or to chart new ones, and she always has interesting guests on great conversations. Her upcoming episode is with Mike Waters, who is talking about how music can impact our health. So always timely topics that are very applicable to our changing lives as we age. I think you'll really enjoy this, and I've put all the details in the show notes. Until next time. Keep shining your light. The world needs you and all that you have to offer.