In the final of our 4-part focus on 'Future Ready, Today' we explore the benefits, skills and opportunities from bringing coaching or mentoring approach to everyday life. To have a 'coach' is now seen as an asset rather than something to be embarrassed about, so we share the top tips for coaching as well as practical examples for shifting from a tell-to-ask style of conversation. If training is about sharing knowledge, coaching is about enabling the other person to engage and commit to apply it in real life. Mentoring is a great way to share advice and wisdom - and adding in some coaching questions at the end keeps the conversation future focused.
As well as enabling change and improvement in others, looking for moments and opportunities to coach people keeps us future-ready as well. Being able to question (with intuition), listen (with attention), adapt (with purpose) and empower others is a un-automatable human mix of skills likely to be premium for the future.
NB: The ICF is seen the gold-standard for coaching and a good place to start exploring: via International Coaching Federation- Professional Coaching Association
Curious for more? Check out our relevant episodes:
Ep. 154 Supercharge Your Development With a PDP
Ep. 149 Maximising Your Performance Potential
Ep. 105 Inspiring Others to Succeed
Ep. 94 Everyday Coaching Skills (more explanation on the GROW coaching format)
In the final of our 4-part focus on 'Future Ready, Today' we explore the benefits, skills and opportunities from bringing coaching or mentoring approach to everyday life. To have a 'coach' is now seen as an asset rather than something to be embarrassed about, so we share the top tips for coaching as well as practical examples for shifting from a tell-to-ask style of conversation. If training is about sharing knowledge, coaching is about enabling the other person to engage and commit to apply it in real life. Mentoring is a great way to share advice and wisdom - and adding in some coaching questions at the end keeps the conversation future focused.
As well as enabling change and improvement in others, looking for moments and opportunities to coach people keeps us future-ready as well. Being able to question (with intuition), listen (with attention), adapt (with purpose) and empower others is a un-automatable human mix of skills likely to be premium for the future.
NB: The ICF is seen the gold-standard for coaching and a good place to start exploring: via International Coaching Federation- Professional Coaching Association
Curious for more? Check out our relevant episodes:
Ep. 154 Supercharge Your Development With a PDP
Ep. 149 Maximising Your Performance Potential
Ep. 105 Inspiring Others to Succeed
Ep. 94 Everyday Coaching Skills (more explanation on the GROW coaching format)
Secrets from a coach Thrive and maximise your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with Debbie Green of Wishfish and Laura Thompson-Staveley of Phenomenal Training. Debs, laura, you all right? Yeah, I'm doing well. How are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing all right actually. Yeah, keeping busy and out of mischief, as always.
Speaker 1:Marvelous.
Speaker 1:Sort of what about you I'm doing really well. I'm loving this current four-part focus that we're looking at all about future readiness today, because actually I think this topic that we're going to be covering on this episode the benefits of mentoring and coaching to everyday life not only is useful when you're on the receiving end, being a coachee or a mentee, we're also seeing that actually the skill set of having a coaching or a mentoring style in your everyday approach to work is becoming a premium skill set. Because guess what, debs, only one minute in it's highly difficult to have a coaching or mentoring relationship with anything other than another human.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you're not going to drop the R word, are you Laura?
Speaker 1:I'm using non-human now, Debs.
Speaker 2:Oh, non-human. Oh my God, I love that.
Speaker 1:A non-human A non-human oh my God, I love that A non-human. A non-human as an AI enabled. So we thought it'd be cool. On this final part, so we have looked at keeping successful while your job is transforming. So lots of change afoot in the world of work. What does it mean, then, to have one eye on your current day job and then one eye on the future and how you can then not be stressed out by what's ahead, but feel set up for what's ahead, using learning as the enabler?
Speaker 1:We have, then, had a look at so what does learning mean in everyday life? So, even if you haven't got access to go on a training course in your current role, or you're currently not in a role and you're looking for work, how can you look at opportunities to have learning in your everyday? We then looked out for some specific examples of opportunities to learn and develop, and actually, if you can worry about things that haven't happened yet, then you can convert that and channel that into a learning mindset. So we're hearing always lots around a growth mindset, carol Dweck's work around that, and then this fourth and final part is where we'll be focusing specifically on the world of coaching and mentoring.
Speaker 1:So, debs, we know we're going to kind of have a look at a what and who. We'll then have a look at why and when and we will then focus at the end on some practical things about how, what it means from a skillset point of view. But give us a heads up how hot is that skillset in terms of being future ready today? Give us a snapshot as to how desirable those skills around coaching and mentoring are in the workplace at the moment. What are you picking up?
Speaker 2:um, it is such a big, big thing to for people to consider and what I've noticed is people are waking up to the fact that if you've taken a coaching approach to a conversation to enable somebody to be better than they were a moment ago, the benefits are far, far outweigh themselves. If as if, you were just telling them what to do, like you know, that's not gonna. That's not gonna motivate anybody, that's not gonna give somebody the um, the want or the desire to continue to grow and learn and develop in their role. So we are starting to hear a lot more about people saying how do I get the best out of my people? And then we're going have you considered coaching, maybe as an opportunity and one of your skills that you have got that you can use and apply?
Speaker 2:And sometimes a lot of people go yeah, but I just need to see the results now. I said you will if you trust the process. So it's always about trusting the process. So it is a massive hot topic and I know we're getting called to come in and work with teams about how do I get the best out of my team and giving people the skills that enable them to either coach or mentor, or there's a mixture of training and then coaching and then mentoring, but what we're finding, or what I'm noticing, is there's less of a desire to want to just tell, because people are starting to recognise that that doesn't work or it's not working as well as it may have done, which is fascinating for me, because it's like, yes, we're waking up and smelling the benefits of coaching.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And you think the thing is, Debs, if it was just about knowledge acquisition, then tell would work, but I know what foods I should and shouldn't be eating more or less of. So knowledge is one bit. The bit that coaching and mentoring taps into is am I motivated, have I got the skill and the will to actually then put that into practice at a moment when it counts? So you know that information and knowledge is empowering. Of course it is, but it's not just telling people that information, it's what you do with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's what you do with it that counts. So you mentioned a few words there, so why don't we first of all look at just clarifying some definitions? Bit of language. And just the other thing I'd put in right at the start is I hear it a lot. I'm sure you've heard it even more than me. When people go on their own journey to learn more about coaching, they tend to come back and say it's made me a better partner, friend, parent, child. It's a lifestyle choice, not just something you do when you're in work mode.
Speaker 2:That is it, if you can apply it to any situation, if you really want to support a friend that may be going through a bit of a difficult patch, just tapping into the fact that you can use a coaching approach that enables them to find their own way between where they are now and where do they want to be, or their current situation and where they want to move towards. So it is just for me it's a life skill that applied properly the difference in the trust, the respect, the relationship, the awareness, the kindness, the compassion. Everything to do with a great world to live in can be done by using just a few key skills and knowing when and where to adopt and adapt each one.
Speaker 1:Lovely, all right. So let's tuck in and have a look at some language definition so we can get a bit of clarity on what and who can access the benefits of an everyday approach to coaching and mentoring. So, devs, this picks up a theme that I think we used on one of our previous episodes, but it's a really easy way to look at the differences between training, coaching and mentoring. And whenever we ask people differences between training, coaching and mentoring, and whenever we ask people, so training, coaching, mentoring, what does that mean to you, it becomes quite quickly apparent that I think there's a lot of us who sort of use that word as three interchangeable words to explain the same thing helping people. It's interesting how you use the language around moving people from A to B, and I guess if we were to view it like a vehicle that helps someone get to from where they are right now, point A, to where they want to get to, point B.
Speaker 1:So imagine training. So training is like a train, so it's on a track. So let's say you've got a one hour one-to-one booked in with a colleague whether you're a line manager, whether it's a colleague or a conversation the first 20 minutes might be where you use a training approach. So let's say there is a new process that you want to update that person on. There's a train track in your mind of the agenda. So, in terms of the two heads sitting there, you, as the person leading that conversation, you've got an agenda in your mind as the content you want to train the track that you're on. Let's say, at the end of that 20 minutes, you check understanding and say so, how confident do you feel now about using that new process? And then someone says not very confident. Well, do I go back and repeat the last 20 minutes of training Because the content was probably pretty good? Now, actually, that's where a coach approach might work quite well. So imagine the vehicle of a coach. You can go out on the open road, you can do twists and turns.
Speaker 1:And actually a coaching approach is where, rather than me having this track of information in my mind that I'm going to try and tell you, I'm now going to flip it and I'm going to ask you questions that ask you to open up the road in your mind as to how you might do that. What's held before to enable you to feel more confident. Who could you ask that might help? I know you're going to give us some details a little bit later. But let's say someone says I honestly don't know. I've never done a process like this, I've never worked in a role like this. You can keep asking the questions, but if at some point someone says I really don't know, hey, what we do answer on this, then that might be where you shift in for the last 20 minutes into a mentoring approach.
Speaker 1:Approach is let me tell you about the journey that I took to go from A to B to then be able to share my experiences, my advice, and then you can imagine in your mind how you might then apply that. And then I might tie it up with a nice bow at the end by saying so what might be your next step then to move forward? So a little bit of coaching at the end. So you see people's eyes light up, debs, when you sort of say you know within one hour conversation, it's still chatting and having a conversation. It might feel quite relaxed, but actually there's a lot of purposeful intent that sits beneath that conversation. Training is where I've got information to tell you, so that helps update people on new knowledge. Coaching is where you're going to take yourself now with that new knowledge. What does that then mean for you? And mentoring is actually. If you haven't got any knowledge to lean upon, then let me give you some experience and some insight that has worked for me. That might then be useful advice for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, and I love the way you describe it because it is that. And you know what I loved about what you said is, even though you've gone into a mentor role, because you are, I would say you're the one that's been there, done it and got the t-shirt, so you're best placed to support other people. You still ended it with a coaching approach question, because for me, coaching is always about the action you're going to take now as a result of the conversation you just had, because without an action, it's just been a nice chat. Conversation you've just had Because without an action, it's just been a nice chat. So coaching is always around solution focused, action, steps you're going to take to now, all of that moving you forward towards, as you said, where you want to go. So the fact that you, as a mentor, just tapped in at the end. So, based on the conversation we've just had, you know what are you going to do first, where will you start? How will you approach that? That, what support you might need so you could go back into a coaching conversation which enables you to sort of, which is where some people in the workspace will make? Will merge the two together?
Speaker 2:Um, so that you know, I think somebody I was talking to the other day so it's a bit like moaching is what they call it, love it? Okay, that's different, but let's take that. So call out to Mandy that mentioned that moaching. So we have to think about what I call in pure coach mode. We are there just as the person that asks the questions that maybe share some observations of what I'm hearing you say is. So that ability to listen and listen with your heart open is, for me, the bit that you know enables coaches to get the absolute best out of anybody if they do it right.
Speaker 2:And you know, we know we had a conversation yesterday about this, about you know there are quite a few coaches out there that may have gone on a weekend course and then call themselves a coach and you know they could be doing quite a lot of damage to people.
Speaker 2:And it's always a passion of mine that get accredited. So if you are looking for a coach to work on your life or your career or whatever you might be thinking, I think it's super important that you check out the credentials. And all of us in our team are sort of accredited with the ICF, the International Coaching Federation, so we work to a code of ethics where we have to constantly learn and develop our skill as a coach up our skill as a coach. And I think that's super important because you really, if you're going to invest in a coach, you want the right coach and you want someone that's going to help you, support you, guide you and not just tell you what to do, because you can go down the local corner shop and somebody will tell you what to do, right.
Speaker 1:And Deb just to sort of build on that. It's interesting because I know a few of us in the team come from a sales training background and I like to join the dots up because it just then makes life a bit easier to understand and, rather than being loads of different things to try and remember, it's just sort of making some links. And I do think what's quite interesting is, in a consultative sales conversation, identify the need, match and close. I'll ask you some questions, I'll talk about what we can do that benefit you, but actually you leave the conversation needing my product in order to do what you need to do. So actually a sales conversation is almost where you're drilling down so the other person then needs you to then provide the solution. It's almost like coaching is the same but you're drilling up. So you're identifying the need, match and solution, but they're the ones that arrive with the solution. So you've kind of explored that topic, but they leave feeling equipped to not need you to give the solution. So it's almost like an inverted sales conversation.
Speaker 1:And I think that bit goes out to anyone who's sort of you know been in the sales game for a while and you know sales is, whether you call yourself official sales or not, influencing and communicating different types of people. We'll look later, I know from a skill set point of view, but every day we'll be practicing these skills.
Speaker 2:It's just about putting a bit of an intention and framework around it. Yeah, it's the intention that sits behind it, so we can all go and tell somebody what to do if they come towards us, and things like that. But the intent is actually, you know what I'm going to enable that individual to find their own solution to this, because I'm a massive advocate of the fact that if somebody comes to you with a problem or an issue or a concern, they do have the answer. It just may be buried super, super, super deep. So, as a coach, as you said, you're there to explore what's going on for that individual. You're there to give them the space to really look at what it is that may be stopping them from achieving something or having a lack of confidence in something. And therefore, these everyday conversations we can have will just raise an awareness for the other person. And if you're just asking them questions so what did you do last time you found yourself in that situation? You know what would you do differently this time? We can weave these conversations into our everyday life. That enables that person to learn themselves, come up with their solution, because if it's not theirs they won't do it, so it's got to be theirs. And even sometimes, you know you may sit there in a coaching space and we see this when we're giving managers coaching skills they go yeah, but what if that's the wrong thing for them? Well then you're not in that coaching, pure coaching mindset, because actually it's the action that that person wants to take and it may be minute for you know you might go well, that's not a lot for them, it could be massive. So it's always in from a non-judgmental position as well. If you are what I call pure coaching in the moment, but at work I think we combine the two. So you can always challenge, you can always ask feedback, you could always explore with that individual if you know that they may be going off track.
Speaker 2:And that's where a mentor comes into it. Because I couldn't be a mentor, if you like somebody. As we were saying earlier. You know I can't mentor somebody as to how to drive a train, okay, cause I have not been there, done it or got the learning or the t-shirt for it.
Speaker 2:I can coach somebody how to maybe engage with passengers on a train because that's a skillset they have, but I couldn't do that job, so I wouldn't be best placed to be that person's mentor. I've never driven a train before, for instance, so I'm not the right person because I wouldn't be maybe guiding them in the right way. So it's really important that you identify what you need from either a coach, what you need from either a mentor, and then your manager can be both. But it's understanding where the roles are and when it flips into mentoring, back into coaching, it may go back into training. So as a manager, I think you can bring in all three skill sets, but you have to be really astute to know which one and what one to do at any one given time.
Speaker 1:And often the takeaway people have from this is ah, actually, rather than it's just been a one-hour chat, there's some real skills that are being kind of, you know, adapted and shown in that moment. So there's a real kind of a moment of ownership then, for actually I do do that and I do sort of skip around a little bit. So, in short, just to summarize that then. So a mentor it's difficult to mentor someone in that skill if you've not done it yourself. So, for example, like you use the train driver example, I couldn't mentor a nurse to be able to do that nursing aspect, but I could mentor that nurse about how to deal with a tricky colleague, because I've had experience of that, not you.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Laura. Would you like to share some feedback?
Speaker 1:Let's say that that colleague is called I don't know Debbie. Let's say that that colleague is called I don't know Debbie, but I could coach that nurse on anything, because the skill that we're looking at here is the skill of not me sharing my knowledge about nursing, but me using my skill of asking the nurse questions about how they can maximise their potential, or whatever that might be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1:So we've looked at what and who, so defining the difference between training, coaching and mentoring and what that might mean. Let's now have a look, debs, at what are the benefits. So why and when would someone open up that potential for bringing more mentoring and coaching to their everyday life?
Speaker 2:Cool. I love this, laure, because you can coach anybody on anything because it's their topic. Anybody on anything because it's their topic. So we get to fortunate enough to spend time with people and I've just done three coaching clients today, all super different. One was around career. So where are they going in the next step in their career and how do they approach having great conversations to get the best out of the job or things like that. So there's been a bit around career coaching, how they show up. So we've done that. I've also coached somebody around some issues they're having in overcoming a family dispute as well. So how can they be helpful to others? So we've coached them around that.
Speaker 2:I've had somebody that's also come forward to say they've got a bit of a problem with a member of their team. They wanteded them around that. I've had somebody that's also come forward to say they got a bit of a problem with a member of their team. They wanted some coaching around that and I suppose yesterday I did somebody around. You know their future state, you know where do they want to be, how can they build their confidence, and so you can literally have anything come at you as the coach and, as I said, I'm not there to solve that problem for them. I'm there to ask them the questions and I would say it's a bit like putting a mirror up for someone and being that safe space to enable them to think really. And I would say coaching can sometimes disrupt your current thinking and if you are skilled at asking the right question, knowing when to do it, how to listen I know we come on to skills a bit later, but I think it's it could be anything at all that that person just wants some support with, or how do I move from here to here to get where I want to get to? So it's whatever that client's or envisioned future is, as we call it, and where their existing situation is and therefore what's going to give them meaning in their life by working on this.
Speaker 2:You mentioned a journey, and the J word gets brought up so often, but it is a little bit like that and just like a train track. You might get diverted somewhere else or you might stop and then you might have to restart. That's how it can be and then you might have to restart. That's how it can be. It can meander wherever you want it to go, but, as I said, the key is coaching is all about action. So you've gone away with an action, whether it's one or four, like today. The person came around with a list of actions and I said so what are you going to do as a result of our conversation today? And they literally reeled off 10 things. I went, wow, that's incredible Offload. Let me know how it goes. I'll catch up with you in a week and we can, you know, reflect on that. So anything and everything.
Speaker 1:Debs, I've got a question for you. Go on, can you, can you force someone to be coached? Oh God, no.
Speaker 2:I think people think we're the magic fairies that come in sometimes and go. I think people think we're the magic fairies that come in sometimes and go. Yeah, well, I've got a problem with this member in my team. I think they need a coach. So can you sort them out? And it's like I think when I first first started, I was probably a little bit naive to that, because I'm my natural is to fix things, and then I thought, hang on a minute, maybe you're the one that needs coaching on how to manage your team members.
Speaker 2:So now, if anybody wheels us in, as I call it, to sort out their team in inverted commas, actually the conversation starts with them about well, tell me what you've done already. How are you approaching that? So you end up coaching that individual because, no, you can't coach, force somebody to be coached. They have to be ready to be coached, and that will be at different phases of people's lives, different stages in their careers. Um, yeah, and you, you do know, if someone isn't ready, um, and over the years of practicing, you sort of might call that and go. I'm sensing that you know you're not necessarily doing your actions, or you keep cancelling a conversation, or or so something else is going on for you right now, and even though I said you can't coach, you can still coach them on why they don't want coaching.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so it's fascinating to see the difference really Otherwise they're not wriggling out of it, are they Devs?
Speaker 2:No, there's nowhere to go. There's going to be questions, but I'm always Nowhere to go. Nowhere to go. But I'm always intrigued as to those people that think that you know, coaching is a solution to fixing their team, and it's not. The coaching is to fix them, to be able to then fix their team, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:So in terms of why and when, it can really transform lives, whether that's professional or personal, I think, in terms of who, I think one of the things that just really drives us and our team is to make this not just an exclusive benefit for a certain level or tier within an organisation, because whether you have had a coach before or not, it is quite a it's sort of seen as almost quite a personal asset, isn't it? Or I have a coach and actually, rather than something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, it's actually something that people might have as a bit of a badge of seniority. I have a coach, I've got a meeting with a coach, so it's definitely something that has become on trend and desirable, the idea of coaching. But you don't have to go and see a formal coach in order to have the benefits. In fact, what we'll look at in a moment from a skills point of view is even taking those skills that typically a coach would do with a coachee. You can also do that with yourself as well. As a starting point, if you're just listening to this and thinking, I think I want to get a bit of traction going on a journey and I don't feel quite right. Or the environment isn't there for me to start speaking to someone else yet, but the skills we'll look at in a moment can also be done sort of used on yourself as well, and in terms of why someone might do that, the benefit also is not only on the other person for being coached, but being able to at some point in an interview room scenario, debs, whether you are a customer service advisor or a CEO at some point, if you can demonstrate within that interview.
Speaker 1:I have a coaching approach where I like to ask great questions, listen to the response, adapt and adjust to enable that person to commit and influence with what they're going to do afterwards.
Speaker 1:It's a hot skill, so not only is it useful for others. So if you are naturally quite a helpful, caring type of person, you'll probably find time in your working day to do that anyway. If you're a bit more sort of commercially minded and you like to think about the benefit versus the cost, et cetera, actually, that benefit of having that skill set where you're able to explain in a moment when someone asks you so what's your style then about you know, helping people through change or going about your day-to-day with customers, patients, clients, etc. To talk about how I bring a coaching approach to my communication is again something that just rings out in the interview room or whenever you are in a moment where you want to demonstrate the value that you add. So we'll look at a moment from a skills perspective and then we'll set some calls to action, because it wouldn't be a conversation about coaching Debs if there weren't a call to action.
Speaker 2:So we've got to preach what we're talking about Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So, from a skill set point of view, debs, what would you say? Sits up there as like the top, premium skills of a great coach, whether that's formally trained or informal, sitting next to someone in a car having a chat, but you're bringing a coaching approach.
Speaker 2:So I always say there's two to be able to listen and then ask a great question and not to shy away from just exploring with somebody Having a curious mind, I think, has to be up there as well, and also the ability to not then make it all about you so because in that moment it is all about that other person and what we find happens is people are waiting to respond or waiting to ask a question and it becomes their agenda, whereas in a coaching conversation and, as you said, I think anyone can do this is that if somebody reaches out to you and says I'm struggling with, or I think I need help with, or I'm a bit lost in where I'm going, that is your cue to go. I can ask them a question. I've just heard them say this, so rather than me tell them, I'm going to ask them a question as in what does that mean for you? What could you do? What have you done in the past? All of those lovely what and how questions. They are your gift and we've all got that within us, and that's what I would say. You just dial that up. Do not mention a why question, because if you ask a why question, why haven't you done that yet you will always get a defensive response or a justification, and that isn't the answer that you're actually looking for.
Speaker 2:So the biggest thing we find when we're giving people some skills just to ask great questions, is to say avoid the why. And it's only when you've brought it to their attention do they realize how often they use why. Why, yeah, oh, I've said why. You can still ask the question, the intent behind that question, but put a what and a how at the front of it. And then the other one is to then say OK, so the when. What will you do now? What, how? When Everybody can use them and that moves somebody from what do you want to do? How do you want to approach it? When do you want to start? Oh, I love it.
Speaker 1:It can be as quick as that, I love it, dave. And you know that whole thing about avoiding the question why. When I first picked that up from you a while ago, it has transformed how I chat with friends around friendships and relationships. So if you ask someone the question, well, why are you still with him? Then actually what can happen is an unintended negative of they defend their decision and it means they're even more rooted to staying in a relationship that might not be great. If you ask the question, so what benefits does this relationship give you? Then you sort of start to see it unravel a little bit. So it's again, whether you're pointing it in personal and home life or professional and corporate life, from a skillset point of view. So for those of us that like a bit of structure, probably the world's most Googled coaching structure. Is it Sir John Whitmore who came?
Speaker 2:up with this. Yeah, it is Back in the 70s, 80s, I think, way back Back in the day.
Speaker 1:So he's got his brown corduroy flares on, he's writing at the flip chart and we've got the grow model or T-Grow.
Speaker 1:So what's the topic you're going to discuss, what's the goal, reality, options, way ahead, and you can follow that structure, but it gives you a rough idea for those types of questions to ask, linking this back to the future, ready today, just to sort of wrap up with a bit of a story, debs.
Speaker 1:So I was on a call with a client today and we're going to be doing some stuff around creating career pathways within their industry, and the first idea was we were going to have some people on a panel talking about well, this is what got me to where I'm at.
Speaker 1:But actually through conversation it then became apparent that life is different now and actually what might have enabled those people to have got to through the career they are when actually that industry was in startup mode might be completely different now. And, if anything, that mentoring approach of let me tell you what worked for me at that point would break the rapport and potentially alienate and create a bit of discontent Because, you know, it might sound easy back in the day, but we're not in that day anymore, we're in a different day. So that coaching approach enables you to always keep future focused, and it would be great, Debs, maybe from a skillset point of view, just to hear it from you about how coaching is always future focused rather than getting sort of stuck in the past, because I think that's another key thing that sometimes gets forgotten about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good catch, Laura, because we're not. Well, I'm certainly not. I'm not a counsellor, and I think that's where people think you're going to fix them, and that's sometimes the misinterpretation of what is coaching. You know, I'm going to bring you why I'm having a dysfunctional relationship with my partner. I go I'm not actually going to delve into that because that's got you here. So it might shape who you are, but I'm not a counsellor, so I don't go looking back in your past. If you want to share things for me and I think that's the difference and in simplistic terms, the counselling or a counsellor will look back at what's got you here today, whereas coaching will take that information, depending on what you want to share, and then take that forward with you into the future. So I normally say so based on your learnings, your experience, what you took away from the experience that happened to you three, four, five, six years ago. If you were to look at that today, so you bring them into the now, what would be the lessons that you're taking from that experience? Because I don't have to delve into the depths of that because they've already done that, so the ability to just understand it and how it might be serving them today or not, and then take them gently forward with that great questioning around. So what have been some of your learns? What wouldn't you want to repeat? Um, how would you approach it differently this time?
Speaker 2:So, for me, the coaching space enables people to explore options, as you said in the grow model. So what could be some of the options that you could look at to overcome this fix, this move forward? So we're not asking people to make decisions right there and then we explore the options, and that could be 20 different options and then, as the coach, you break them down with the individual. So, out of the 20 options you've said you want to do to improve your relationship, you know what one would you like to look at first. Again, it's always putting it into their court.
Speaker 2:If you like for them to choose, for them to select where they want to go with the conversation themselves and, as the coach listening can either then connect it. You've listened to oh, that's interesting, because what you've said their impacts here. So the ability to really listen with your open heart is the gift of a coach as well, because you may be the one feeding back to them what you've heard them say. So, just for clarity, you know, so you can paraphrase really well and, as I said, creating a safe space to explore options. They don't have to make a decision while they're exploring options, but at the end it's always out. Of those options that we talked about today, what one will you carry forward and what one do you want to do something about? So the solution focused, future focused approach is always where you're moving them either leaps and bounds, because some do, or little steps towards whatever they want their life to be about loving, loving it, debs and all of those questions that could be helping someone coach them through exam anxiety, anything um teenagers younger people, older people this is a life skill that can be pointed in
Speaker 2:in any direction I mean, I'm ended up coaching my mom who's 83 84, god, I've just taken a year off. Should kill me for that. Um, you know, even I find I can. I coach her in where she's struggling, and you go. So you know, which is a bit weird. Um, but I go into that coach frame. Maybe that's because it's inbred in me. Go, okay, so what would you like to do about that mum, you know, and so therefore she owns it. I'm not telling her. You know, which is what it's all about.
Speaker 1:So it's super powerful in every day yeah, and empowerment is such a hot trend word that's been used in the world of world of work. And empowerment is not where you're telling people what to do, you're asking them of all these things, which one do you want to then do first? Absolutely so a bit like baby led weaning, which my sister is involved in at the moment. So baby led weaning is not where the baby goes off and just chooses random bits of food that it's going to have. You know, there's some. There's some kind of uh uh, uh uh influence you have over the choices in on that, because that will be, through your questioning.
Speaker 1:So it's baby-led weaning, but it's you putting the food in front of the baby. It's not going off to McDonald's, is it Like Georgia itself fast food?
Speaker 2:Deliveroo on its way.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. The baby is empowered, but it's still within the realm of what's an appropriate level of kind of, you know, sort of options, sort of within that, so just thought I'd end on that. You see, there's no age limit, is there? There is no age limit.
Speaker 2:I love that We've gone from a young baby who's like three months, six months old to like an 84 year old Brilliant, and that's the power of coaching right.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And just as a final bit, reverse mentoring. So we didn't mention this at the start, but reverse mentoring is often, I think there's a perception that it's only if you're an elder wiser within an organisation and mentoring is a downward sort of approach. But actually if it's been 20 years since you were out in that kind of type of role, then reverse mentoring is where you actively seek people that are fresher into that role. So it's not to do with age but it's to do with stage of career experience in that industry. And then you flip it. So reverse mentoring is where actually, I'm going to give you some information from what I see and give you my advice from what I'm seeing with this generation of work, for example, to then be able to freshen and give insight to people that might have been inside an organization for a while and have kind of lost, lost their sort of fresh sort of perspective in on it.
Speaker 1:So, debs, we have looked at in the final part of our four-part focus, looking at future ready today, what role and what benefits from taking a mentoring and coaching approach to everyday life. So where we're pointing proactively, looking forward in the future, what can we learn? How can we take people with us in an empowering way. You can be formally qualified. You mentioned the International Coaching Federation so we can put a link on that in the overview if that's kind of piqued your interest. But anybody and anybody can use a coaching or mentoring approach with anybody and everybody. So, of all the things that we've discussed, what would be your call to action, debs? And then I'll end with a share the secret.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is a difficult one because there's about a thousand things I'd love to do as a call to action, but I think start. If you're going to practice coaching, using coaching skills or focusing on the coaching skills, I would definitely practice listening. Start with listening, then hear what that person has to say and then ask a what or a how question. So use what and how to explore. Start there, and the rest will unfold wonderful.
Speaker 1:My share. The secret would be bringing a coaching and mentoring mindset to your everyday life is probably the quickest way to engender relationships, create a willingness for collaboration. So think about a colleague or a friend that you've not caught up with for a while. Get them to listen to this, and then maybe there's an opportunity to see some coaching and mentoring with each other in the pursuit of every day of school day. As we've discussed in this four part learning is the enabler, and life is running at lightning quick pace at the moment, so what was written in a book five years ago is not always relevant today.
Speaker 1:It's different from how relevant it is now, and if you're working in a hybrid matrix in office out of office environment, it's the conversations that enable us to connect. So thanks as ever, debs. My pleasure, laura, I love this, this opportunity to connect with you, me too, and, as always, we're at the exciting stage of we're going to have a new topic.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my God, yes, we are A new topic.
Speaker 1:What are we focusing on for our new topic, laura debs? We are focusing on redefining careers. Oh nice, back in the day, when I was working in a big recruitment consultancy, if a cv landed on that desk and someone was bouncing around jobs and staying less than two years in each job, you would have gone oh, they're a bit dodgy, put them in the dodgy pile now. Could it be that someone that has got a different type of cv now actually would be viewed differently? So that and many other things we're going to look at in redefining careers in the biggest shape-shifting decade we've had in the world of work. So, debs, hold on to your hat. I'm holding on law. I'll see you next week on the other side.
Speaker 2:See you on the other side.
Speaker 1:I love you Love you too, we're holding on.
Speaker 2:We are Hang on, laura, we're coming.
Speaker 1:Have a lovely week, see you later, lovely Bye, bye-bye. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast. We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secretsfromacoachcom, or follow us on Insta or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us a rating, as it's easier for people to find us, and if you want to know more, visit our website, wwwsecretsfromacoachcom, and sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work.