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Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
208. Embracing Outgoing Moments for Non-Outgoing People
In this 4-part mini-series we explore how to bring a bit of OOOO to your work life: Optimism, Opportunity, Organisation & Outgoing. Four different topics, we explore the mindset, behaviours and tips that bring these to life in everyday practice. In this fourth episode we explore how to feel confident in scenarios that need us to be outgoing. From interviewing, to networking, to collaborating with new people and putting ourselves 'out there' - we share tips for people who wouldn't describe themselves as naturally outgoing.
We are joined by the amazing Charlie Ryan, who in her years placing thousands of candidates in her recruitment business, shares practical ways to set yourself up for success. From tips to preparing for a networking event, or prepping for talking about yourself in an interview - if these are the types of scenarios that cause a sense of dread, then this is about embracing the preferences of being more of an introverted person. Introducing to a few people at once rather than a huge group, having a purpose to initiate small talk, and she shares handy phrases for handling situations where you are stepping out your natural behaviour patterns.
As Charlie says, own your strengths and recognise that there are benefits from being 'non-outgoing'. Know what you are, know what you are not - and that's ok. And remember - other people can see what you are feeling!
Curious for more? Here are some of more relevant episodes:
Ep.191 Shift From Tell to Ask: Coaching Unlocks Connection
Ep.54 Power Up Your Networks with journalist Marina Gask
Ep.5 Helping Introverts and Extraverts to Thrive
secrets from a coach thrive and maximize your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with debbie green of wishfish and laura thompson, stavely of phenomenal training. Debs, laura, you all right yeah.
Speaker 2:Are you?
Speaker 1:sure, hi, debs, go on. I'm really looking forward to seeing your facial reaction and your vocal reaction when I invite you to a super huge networking event where there's no fixed purpose but it's an opportunity to mingle and small talk with hundreds of random people. Do you fancy coming along?
Speaker 2:Maybe not Laura. It's not my ideal venue to go. And a cup of tea to do that, Not really.
Speaker 1:I'm not very good at those events. It's in the evening, Deb. It's in your own time.
Speaker 2:Does it finish by half past eight when I can go to bed? No, that's not me, laura. Really believe it or not. I know people might be shocked by that.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's just. What's so interesting is how actually there seems to be half of the people in the world sort of seem to enjoy this idea of going networking and the other half thinking I would. That's, like you know, just a horrendous thought of having to sort of do that. So we thought it might be really empowering to look at what might be some top tips to embrace those moments where you need to be outgoing, specifically aimed at people who don't consider themselves outgoing people.
Speaker 1:So, whether that is a networking event that you've been forced to go to, whether it's, you're out there in the interviewing world, whether you need to collaborate with new people or put yourself out there in a kind of a different group of people. If that actually just creates a sense of dread. Then we have got a guest for you to listen to, in conversation with Debs and yeah, we can't wait for this one and Charlie Ryan. I've known her for years and she's such a genuine, authentic person. I've learned so much from her and she just shares some really practical tips for how to embrace those outgoing moments. If you wouldn't describe yourself as a naturally outgoing person yeah, it was such a great conversation.
Speaker 2:We were having quite a laugh at it. So it was such a great conversation, we were having quite a laugh at it. So should we listen in to what she has to say, laura? So hello everyone, welcome listeners, welcome to those that are looking at us on the screen, as you will see, those that eagle eyes amongst us we have a guest with us today, charlie Ryan, who I will get her to introduce what she does, who she is, a little bit about her to us all, so we we get to know her better.
Speaker 2:Laura and I wanted to focus on on this topic because we often get asked the question of I'm not an extrovert or I'm not outgoing? I'm more of an introvert. I don't like to stand out in a crowd, but I've still got to network and grow my business and build connections, and so I don't like doing it. Because, because, because, so we have a hundred and one reasons. So we thought why not get Charlie on to talk about this, because this is when you find out a little bit more about her. This is something she can really help us all with. So welcome, charlie. Thank you for joining us. Thank you, nice to be here. I'm so happy that you're on this, so give us a little bit. Who are you? What do?
Speaker 3:you do. So I run a recruitment company and I've had that for about 15 years and I've been in recruitment about 30 years. But I think out of that, what happened was I really started to focus on. It's all very well recruiting people, but it is down to organizations to ensure that they retain and keep them motivated. So I then started to think a lot more about how can we ensure people get to be the best version of themselves, and that's when I started to understand profiling a lot more, and that's when I started to understand anybody can actually be anything if they've got the desire to do it.
Speaker 2:I like that. Yeah, that's what you do. That's so important, isn't it? Because a lot of people do a lot of profiles and they sort of put themselves into that category of being that introversion preference. And I'm not that, if you look at insights, which we use a lot, if you're not that fiery red or you're sunshine yellow outgoing, then I can't make and build relationships. So I know that from good sources, like with Laura. She lets me know that you are by nature an introvert, but you have learned how to dial up your outgoing energy. So give us the lowdown. How have you done that?
Speaker 3:So it's really interesting actually, because I did disprofiling when I was 18. So Barclays told me I was an introvert at 18 years of age and I would fundamentally agree with them. I then did Myers-Briggs when I was probably about late 20s. Still an introvert, I was an eye on Myers-Briggs, ok. But what was really interesting was they were absolutely right because, as an introvertvert, where I had to talk I did enjoy talking, but where I had to talk I got quite anxious about making sure that what I said was right.
Speaker 3:Or was I going to, you know, look a bit of an idiot or were other people going to judge me and that really so it wasn't that I couldn't talk or be an extrovert, it was all the feelings that were going on underneath it that stopped me being that extrovert.
Speaker 3:And once you understood that in my profile. So where I was really comfortable and I could talk very, very well and most people can do this introvert or extrovert is when I either knew what I was talking about or who I was talking to or what was expected of me in the conversation. So if you take, for example, somebody who's an introvert, you take them to an exhibition for work. They actually as long as they're prepped and they know the product, they will be brilliant at talking to people because they'll feel like they're in the know, they know what's expected of them and they've got detail and fact to talk about. But if you put that exact same person in a maybe in a room where they have to network but where they're not allowed to talk about what they do for a living honestly, they just don't know where to start and it's quite an overwhelming feeling. So I realized that all you have to do to, you know, have the perception of being an extrovert, even if you're not, and remember perception is reality.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 3:Absolutely Everybody's truth is what they see. So let's face it perception is reality. But you know, to be in the moment. I just had to make sure I felt comfortable that I either knew what I was talking about I'd done enough research to know who I was talking to or I knew what was expected of me in the conversation. So I was then able to command and hold meetings because I had an agenda, or I did more investigating before I went into them as to what was expected of me, yeah, that is it.
Speaker 2:I think, when you start to break it down that way, that being able to prep and just plan, especially on networking events. We've got a few people currently and that we're working with that are unfortunately going through redundancy and they're saying about going out and collaborating and networking. They don't know the people that they're going out to, maybe an event on, or they're going to see a talk, and they want to network with those people and they often say, oh, I'll just observe or I'll just what do I talk about? And it's really interesting, as you said, you know that researching about where are you going, what are you doing. So what would you suggest people can do? If they're going to like a forum or a network event and they don't really know people there, what would you suggest they do.
Speaker 3:So there's a few things really. I would have some topics, yes, and I just call them. You know my rapport building topics.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 3:So we have lots of rapport building, little topics and I would have one liners that I knew I was comfortable coming out, because that will start the conversation and I think that's really important. So have what you're comfortable with, whether it's the weather or you know that your opener is, you know how's your day going or how's your morning been so far. Have your openers that you've practiced and feel comfortable with, and then you're able to sort of at least start the conversation. Also, choose, start to understand the room when you're networking, so where people are face on and they're at 180 degrees, very, very difficult to break the conversation and it nearly appears rude and even you feel you know, especially if you're an introvert even you're going. I already don't really want to be here so find the people at 90 degrees.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's a good tip. Find them. You know where they're stood at 90. And then there's room here to go and join them and you will find that 90 degree, they will include you because you were there to network, so they will include you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then have your opener, because the other thing an introvert struggles with is they might know what they do very well for a living, but actually when they're asked they can't explain it because suddenly they're having to think on their feet, and an introvert doesn't think very well in the unknown moment. So have exactly how you introduce yourself, so that then people will just ask you questions. And once people are asking you questions, you're then you are fine, you're in the flow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely I love that idea about you're right that 90 degrees. I was just thinking back to some of those awkward conversations that I've had at some of those events where someone stands in front of you and you're going, oh, I don't know what else to say now. And then your brain doesn't work and you just clam up Absolutely and you talk about something random and you just go, oh, that was a disaster. What are they going to think?
Speaker 3:about me and do you know what? The other thing I've learned over the years and I will be honest, it would be interesting if I were to do my profile now, because I honestly do believe I am an extrovert now, a natural extrovert. I no longer have the anxiety. I have no anxiety of presenting, I have no anxiety of thinking on my feet. In fact, I've gone the other way altogether. If there's too much of a plan, I freak out in case I'm going to let somebody down, whereas if I can win it, I'm not letting anybody down. So I've gone the other way. But you know what are we talking? That's 33 years, wow, okay, yeah, so that's been a journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounds like that has been. And when you think about back to that time where you would have had that plan and you prepped, and now you just go, okay, I'm just going to show up and I'm just going to go with it, go with the flow, yeah. Go with the flow. What is it that confidence? Where's that confidence?
Speaker 3:come from, partly the fact that nothing is ever that bad, true, and you go through enough experiences where you know it's all okay. Even when it's bad, it's really not that bad. Yeah, there's a there's a phenomenal phrase and I just love it, and I've bought people mugs that says it on it and it's. This is the phrase. Basically it'll all be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, we're just not at the end yet. So everything is a journey and whatever goes wrong in that meeting or whatever goes goes wrong in a networking nothing. There's nothing you can't come back from and actually all it's doing is adding to your journey of the future. And I look at those things that you know where I've cringed, when I've looked back on some of the moments that I've had in life and what I've said, or where I've been uncomfortable, but honestly, it's made me who I am today and without them I wouldn't have the more relaxed sense that I've got. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's. It's made me who I am today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and without them, I wouldn't have the more relaxed sense that I've got. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it's so important, isn't it? And I think also, we sometimes hear people say that and you know this from your recruitment experience, right that I've got to go to an interview and I'm not naturally outgoing and yet I'm being asked to talk about myself and it's all of that anxiety, you're right, the anxiety, then the pressure that people put on themselves sometimes. So, thinking about it from your perspective and what you've seen works, what would you suggest to people?
Speaker 3:So it's really. I do find it quite interesting that people worry about interviews in terms of you know their anxiety, and it happens all the time, and especially the more, the more considered what we call the more considered candidate who is possibly more analytical in their world. So accountants and all of those worlds, they're far more analytical and actually those people that engage. If they were an extrovert, we would probably be worried, because you can't have everything in life and you can't be everything, so extroverts tend to not be brilliant with detail. Yes, that's true and, honestly, if you're going for an analytical role or an accountancy, if you talk too much and are too much of an expert, I'm possibly starting to doubt your ability and commitment to accuracy and detail Got you. So I do think it's about understanding what you are and who you are and owning that, because, honestly, there is no right and wrong. I am horrendous at detail. I am lastminutecom, I am, but I am the person you want in the room. If you want energy and you want sort of people to buy into a future vision, I am the person you want there. But if you're asking me to follow up afterwards and make sure we've picked up with every other person. No, there has to be. I have to recognize that there's a process for that. And there has to be a process for that because Charlie would miss somebody yeah, I got you so and that would be more detrimental because then you've got somebody who's missed it. Where you've created all the rah-rah, it's just like I mean it like takes from everything. So own the most important thing, and we do a lot of this in schools Own what you are.
Speaker 3:Know, then what you're not, but that's okay. Yes, because they're not buying that. No company, when they interview you, is buying what you're not. They're only buying what you are. And if what you are isn't right, wrong company. And the best way, an interviewee, that we give them confidence is when they walk away from an interview. They should know enough to know that if they're being invited back for a second, they want to go or not. So have they used the platform to identify that this is the company that's going to make them the best version of themselves, give them the right support and the job actually is what they thought it was. And if they can go in with those three objectives honestly, when they're focused on that, you'll be far less worried about what you're saying and how you're saying it yeah, so it's definitely about doing your prep.
Speaker 2:really is what you're saying. Isn't it Completely All the time? Yeah, and I know we say that. We do say that if you're going to present something or you know, do your preparation beforehand, especially if it's a new environment for you. But a lot of people feel like they, for some reason, they do their prep and then they always say, yeah, but that just went out the window. I had a complete mind blank once I'd done my prep. What would you say to them?
Speaker 3:So I do really respect candidates that own where they're nervous and if it has gone out of their head, I'm fine with that because that brings a sense of truth and honesty and again, that tends to be the more considered candidate than extrovert. So that tends to be your green and blue and not your red and yellow who will flag it for England you know.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I would say, you know. Just say I'm so sorry. I am a bit nervous today and because nervousness shows somebody wants something, so actually it's not a negative. It shows me that you are, yeah, you are worried about getting the job.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's good because you want it, yeah, and I think that's, I think that's really good because they want it and they have worked hard and they've also shown you that they've worked hard, I think, which is really important. Yeah, and I think that bit about also linking that into once you're in a place of work. You know, again, sometimes we get asked you know, how do I create the right first impression? I'm not naturally again coming back to that outgoing. I wouldn't necessarily go up and introduce myself to somebody in the team. I'd wait for them to come to me and we always get them to sort of work out how they can plan, yeah, and maybe have a bit of a script as to what to do to overcome some of that initial nerves. But we still hear people say that and I mean you must hear that all the time as well where people are thinking that and it then creates a feeling and a behavior. So how can they unthink that? What would you say?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's quite an interesting one really. I mean, I'm hoping companies are introducing people a bit more than they used to, I hope so one really.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm hoping companies are introducing people a bit more than they used to. I'm hoping that the world has changed a bit on that, because that did used to be horrendous. I really do think that used to be awful, and I think back to my days at Barclays, when there thousands of people working for them and it was just yeah, it was a horrible place, like you know, to have to do that, but I think the script is apt I think you know to have to do that, yeah, but I think the script is, I think the script is apt, I think you know and I think, just be aware maybe, of where you're interrupting people.
Speaker 3:So I would tend to maybe think about you know, going in the kitchen, where there are some people there, and then you're introducing yourself to a few people at once. Yes, you know, because then you're just going oh, hi, I'm Charlie. You know, I only started today. It'll take me a while to get everyone's names and then people will just introduce themselves to you. But I probably wouldn't worry about doing it on a desk basis unless you're able to say hi, I'm Charlie. I understand you're Debbie and I've been asked to come and talk to you about, yeah, yes, that's the only time I would do it at a desk basis.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good piece of advice, I think, and also, just again, gives people the confidence to know that it's OK to let people know that you're brand new into the organisation, right, yeah, of course it is.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. We say this even when people are on the phone and they're nervous about getting on the phone, say I'm new. I mean, how tolerant are you when there's a Starbucks trainee going on and they say she's just just learning and you got no problem at all? We all have to start somewhere, don't worry about it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and it's, and it's knowing that it is the same thing.
Speaker 3:It's the same thing and you know what I have found in life people really do want to help people. They really really do. And it's the bigger picture that in the world that makes us think they don't. But on a on a scale of minutia, when we're interacting, people want to help people. It has been my fundamental experience throughout my life and I've been fortunate to yeah, yeah, those I've had. People want to help me.
Speaker 2:When you ask for help, you will get it yeah, and then that comes back to what you're saying the confidence to have that and ask for that help. Um, yeah, and I know when you mentioned earlier about oh, when I first started, my confidence might not have been where it should have been, but that comes from practicing and learning right. So again, it's that. How can? What was the? So? I suppose the question I want to ask is what was the best piece of advice that you ever received about being that outgoing? Bring us your energy, show us who you are. What was the best bit of advice you received?
Speaker 3:It's interesting, you know, because I'm not sure I ever received any advice. I was forced into situations which I think might be, what happens to a lot of us? Yeah, because I'm not sure any of us choose to go out and go. Oh, I'm going to change myself to be this, do we? No, it just isn't what happened?
Speaker 3:No, it doesn't so nobody gave me advice, and that was probably the most interesting thing about my journey, really, because I do remember thinking what, if you didn't have to go through what I went through and someone just gave you some of those tools that you know, I would have been more confident, quicker? Yes, and the other thing I felt you know was a lack in confidence is when I was asked a question. Yeah, I couldn't always think on my feet and actually you know you look at some of the tools now that we give people to use and you guys do this as well it's like just acknowledge it and then ask an open question back and buy yourself time and that just you know, once that manifests itself in you, there isn't a situation you can't get out of and actually people think, people think I'm better than I am. It's quite uncanny. I'm not being funny, they really do. It's unbelievable. You just go. No, I just know how not to commit or not to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's very, very funny, yeah, and we see that with those. If you said, the more extrovert them are outgoing, they talk faster, they run through things and I always think, oh, wow yeah, and they distract you.
Speaker 3:So actually you end up going somewhere else. And the other thing they do that they're so good at you, they you think they've told you what you wanted to know, but you leave the conversation and you don't know that. But the introverts have only told you what you wanted to know. But you leave the conversation and you don't know that. But the introverts have only told you what you've wanted to know. Yes, yes, so you know, introverts just need to hold on to the fact. They do not need to be any different than they are.
Speaker 3:But at times we need to engage a little bit more, just to be the best version of ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. I really enjoy that. So if you were to give some top tips to our listeners, if you were going to give them three top tips, I know you gave them to the very front end, but if there was any others that you think actually walk away thinking this what would be your three top tips?
Speaker 3:So definitely walk away thinking the worst is never that bad. So it's a bit of a feel the fear and do it anyway, because it is just not that bad and it never is. And the other thing to bear in mind not a tip, but related to that is nobody sees what you're feeling. Oh, that's a good one. Yes, I like that.
Speaker 3:So, the anxiety that you're feeling and I did a presentations course that was the best and worst two days of my life. I'm going to be honest with you. The fear going into it and what I was put through to be videoed and do presentations, it was horrendous and I have my video to this day and it is VHS because of how old I am, but I have my video to this day and my video. When I looked at it and they said look at it after you've left the course and then look at it again six weeks later. And I looked at it and I just went who is she? Because there's no way that was me and it was me. But if you had known what I was feeling, but nobody could see it, yeah, nobody.
Speaker 3:And it is, you know. Just know it's in you and that will help calm you down, because other people are not seeing what you are feeling, and that is better yeah.
Speaker 2:That is much better. That's such a great tip. You're right. I think we fear ourselves more than anyone else.
Speaker 3:right, going from there, yeah, and we feel it, but they can't see those feelings. So we have the tummy, we have the, the breathing. We have all this anxiety going on as a result of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but, nobody can see it because as long as you're just smiling exactly as you said showing up, yeah, yeah, no one knows what's going on you know, unless it's dramatic and you faint, no one knows let's hope we haven't got that, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think from there, yeah, that'll be, that'll be extreme, that'll be the odd occasion, yeah, just occasionally, but then they'll feel sorry for you, so own it yeah, exactly own it I think that's the key, isn't it? Um, and I think that bit about embracing our you know that outgoing moments, you know making sure that we can actually embrace those moments, but, if you like, non-outgoing people, yes, it's something that we can all do right, absolutely, because I know Laura loves standing up in front of a stage and she can deliver.
Speaker 3:It's my worst nightmare if there's more than 20 people in that room, but, as you say you just do it, and it is interesting because that, so what Laura does, would have been my worst nightmare 30 years ago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but now being too one-to-one and in-depth is my worst nightmare now oh isn't that funny yeah so actually, I have taken a complete about turn as a result of the tools, but because the benefits of what they've delivered for my business. They have become me now. Yes, so my profile has totally reversed on its head. Yeah, it's interesting and I'm really comfortable with it. I have no, and you know that. I came on here today. I have no plan. I have no idea. We had a topic. I didn't know what you were going to ask me.
Speaker 1:And again, what's the worst that can happen? What's the worst that can?
Speaker 3:happen Exactly.
Speaker 2:We can just cut off and yeah, you've got what you've got, I've got what I've got and I love it because, actually, the tips you're sharing and the advice you're giving I can just think of automatically three different people that I've been coaching over the last couple of weeks to go. Please just listen to this, because what Charlie says is exactly what we've been saying, so now you're hearing it from an expert who lives and breathes this every day. I do.
Speaker 3:I live and breathe it every day. I do and I love this mug. I mean, I went on to LinkedIn with this mug and this message of you know it'll be okay in the end. But if it's not okay, don't worry. You're just not at the end of that bit of the journey yet. It's brilliant.
Speaker 2:It's just brilliant, you know and that's fine.
Speaker 3:Just know that it will be okay in the end, no matter what door in my life that has opened and closed and no matter how dramatic it has been at the time. And we've had drama because we're humans, obviously, so I don't want to belittle any of it, but I can honestly tell you every single situation is okay in the end. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:I'm still here today to tell the story Exactly. So my last question, charlie, which we asked quite a few of our guests, is this what advice would you give to your younger self, knowing what you know now?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think it would be. That's exactly what it would be. There are two pieces, really, that I've, I would say, absolutely delivered under my business Every decision, what's the worst that can happen, because that way I make quicker decisions yeah, and the other is every single decision, another one can be made because it will all be okay in the end. It's a different journey, thank you, thank you that's all right, no problem.
Speaker 2:So, charlie, how can people, if they want to find out more about what you do or tap you up, how can they find you?
Speaker 3:so, um, our cmr, so it's cmr consultancy dot. Co. Dot. Uk is our website so they can find all of our. That. That's really where we because the recruitment side stands alone so this is our people engagement side and allowing people to be the best version of themselves. So, yeah, reach out to them. And Google and LinkedIn, or Google Charlie Ryan, and you'll find me Brilliant.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, charlie, I want to say massive thank you. I know you had a crazy journey to sit in a hotel room to be able to speak to me, sit in a hotel room to be able to speak to me, so I'm forever thankful for you doing that. Now you can go and eat something and get ready for your busy day tomorrow.
Speaker 3:Debbie, I'm so glad you pointed out that those curtains are not mine, and that is not what I would choose. I'm so glad you pointed that out that I'm in a hotel room.
Speaker 2:You're in a hotel room. They're definitely not your style, Charlie.
Speaker 3:No, they're not.
Speaker 2:But but thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and, um, yeah, have fun tomorrow I will do. Thank you very much. All right, thank you, take care bye. So, law, what did you think?
Speaker 1:I absolutely loved it. Do you know what I loved? I loved how, charlie, it's just all about empowering people and it's about not worrying about all the things that you don't feel you're good at, but focusing on the things you are good at, and I just know the work that she does with young people in schools about getting them geared up and feeling confident for interviews and getting themselves prep and practice for that, and I think they're such good tips, no matter where you are in your career, so I took loads from that. I think, really helpful tips.
Speaker 2:It was good, wasn't it? And I think it sort of just reminds me of that. You know, you're right, I'm not a lover of networking events and stuff like that. It's my worst nightmare. And today we were talking about that on a workshop, actually, and even though we were running a coaching skills workshop, it was like a eureka moment for somebody because I said, well, if I do go to those events and I know I do begrudgingly, but I go I would always sort of position it as a bit of a coaching approach.
Speaker 2:So I'd use coaching questions to ask people who I've never met, random people, apart from asking who they are and where they work and how long they've been doing what they're doing. I might chuck in a coaching question and question say so, what's your biggest challenge at the moment? What are you focusing on as a business? And then they tell you and then you can say, oh, how you know any challenges that you're being faced with. What do they look like? And if they tell you and then you go, how might you overcome that? What are you doing to overcome that challenge? And they tell you. So it all becomes about them and nothing about me. So I coach them in the moment. Love it, she loved it, she went. Oh my God, that's amazing, cause she's not a lover of events either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm all right in thinking then, if you don't particularly like all eyes on you, that's where that coaching approach just takes the heat off you and into that listening mode and you're creating that sense of connection. But you're focusing on them and do you know, I think that's one of the. So, although I do like bouncing around and gathering business cards and like having five new best mates, you know, by the time the first hour's done, I don't like trivial conversation or meaningless chit chat. So I think, where I do like those large gatherings with large volumes of people, I think actually, as you said, that coaching approach, you know, was usually just cut, cut through the go from the weather chat into, you know, something a bit more meaningful. So then it's interesting. So that that's my thing. Then is is. Then I personally find it more interesting. Yeah, for you, the benefit then is is it just takes the heat off and you can get into coaching mode.
Speaker 3:Um, but the other person got no idea they think you're in a great conversation.
Speaker 2:I must I don't go that as far to say that's so incredible. What's your first step? I don't go into that level. So they don't walk away with an action. So it's half a coaching conversation.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And when are you going to make that happen? I don't go there.
Speaker 1:And everyone's shifting away from you. I'm not going to speak to that woman. She keeps forcing me to do these things. Oh, love it.
Speaker 2:It was brilliant, I suppose actually Laure. Then, in relation to what Charlie had to say, cause it was just fascinating, and actually we were just having a bit of a laugh at the end because she was dialing in from a hotel for us so we could catch her because she's so crazy busy. And I think that's what made me think about how would you approach an event if you're going to it. And that's when that whole prayer I thought what do I do? And it was coaching. So if you can arm yourself that would be my call to action with some questions that are around what and how, that could serve you really, really well. And unless you become a seasoned professional at it, because you are finding out all about them, not you. In my experience, not everybody asks about you either, and for me that's great, but yeah, for others they'll be going. Oh, they never asked me anything, but you're right, is that? Take a coaching approach.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love it, and I think I just want to sort of make sure just that it's sort of clear. For me is the goal here isn't for everyone to become outgoing, it's just Charlie's, because she's had to batter herself into those behaviours. After 20 odd years she's sort of become sort of trained herself to do that and then now it is her natural. But I think I wouldn't want anyone leaving thinking, right, I need to become more outgoing, because it's only outgoing people that can succeed. And if anything, charlie was reminding us of all the brilliant things that actually people that tend to have more of an introverted energy can succeed. But there are moments where you have to force yourself out there, same as there are moments where you have to force yourself to be quiet and concentrate. And if that is not your natural state, then you know.
Speaker 1:This was all about giving some practical tips with a bit of humour, and I think that would be my share. The secret If you know someone in your professional or personal circles who has now got something like this in their diary and they're dreading it, get them to listen to this, and I think it can be so empowering to hear people's behind the scenes work that they've done to prepare themselves for it, because I bet those delegates there today were probably quite surprised, debs, that someone like you doesn't particularly like things like that and actually sometimes just that bit of disclosure can be really inspiring to realise, you know, actually we're front of house but, as Charlie said, people can't see what you feel, and I thought that was a great, great sum up, yeah it was a great sum up, and it was a really great end to our series, though, wasn't it, Laura?
Speaker 2:actually it was.
Speaker 1:Dev, and this one was all about bringing a bit of ooh to your work life. So, whether that is optimism, whether that is focusing on opportunity, whether that is organisation to liberate your workload or this one embracing outgoing moments for non-outgoing people, we just wanted to take a bit of a fresh look at four everyday kind of behaviours which means Debs. Drumroll, please. We have got a new topic. Yes, what are we talking about next time? Law, oh, debs, I cannot wait for this, so go on. It's a five week months.
Speaker 1:We've got five episodes and we are taking five different perspectives looking at the mid-decade point, doing a reflection on workplace cultures and what, what the first half of this decade has thrown up and what that might mean for creating successful, effective and healthy cultures, in the second half of what has been the biggest shape-shifting decade in how we work and what we do for decades. So I thought it was going to be a really interesting roundup. We've got five really hot topics that kind of all could come under workplace culture. We've got a couple of amazing guests who I think are going to bring some real fresh perspective to it. So I'm really looking forward to that one, debs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too, actually, and I cannot believe we're talking about we're midway through this decade. It's madness, isn't it?
Speaker 1:But yeah, I know, debs, I'm supposed to be two stone lighter by this point. Only three stone to go.
Speaker 2:Oh, please, hey, you've got another five years to go yet, lord, before the end of the next, until we're into the next one. No, you'll be fine.
Speaker 1:Is it a bit like the diet starts Monday, Like the diet starts on the decade change?
Speaker 2:Yes. We're just keeping it real, lord, keeping it real? We're keeping it real, or keeping it real? Work in progress devs work in progress.
Speaker 1:oh my god, I love it so, yeah, I'm looking forward to that actually me too. Right, have a fantastic week you too, and enjoy those little moments of small talk which we've now re-engineered as coaching opportunities, but without the commitment at the end beautiful I will definitely do that law and you enjoy your collection of business cards beautiful and all my new best friends. I can't remember their names.
Speaker 2:Yay have a good one, lovely, you too love you, love you bye we hope you've enjoyed this podcast.
Speaker 1:We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secretsfromacoachcom, or follow us on Insta or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us a rating, as it's easier for people to find us, and if you want to know more, visit our website, wwwsecretsfromacoachcom, and sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work. You.