.JPG)
Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
224. Time to Plan and Prioritise You
In the third of our 4-part 'time to think' mini-series, we focus on the importance of not just prioritising yourself, but to hold it as a core value to ensure a healthy balance in how you interact with people and the world at large. If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything (Katy Perry, song ROAR) so it boosts our confidence, purpose and energy.
We focus on the body/mind link and what a realistic approach to a good life/work balance looks like in practice. We refresh the drivers/over-drivers concept to increase self-awareness about what might get in the way of putting ourselves first and how to reverse the psychology for positive power! If you know you are a perfectionist, make a perfect self-care plan. If you are a people-pleaser at heart, book in self-care with an accountability buddy that you know you wont want to let down.
A useful listen for those wanting to remind themselves/inspire others to practice self-care.
Secrets from a coach Thrive and maximise your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with Debbie Green of Wishfish and Laura Thompson-Staveley of Phenomenal Training. Debs, laura, how you been.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been good, it's been a full-on couple of weeks, though, eh yes hasn't it. How have you been using your time?
Speaker 1:I can do with an eighth day. Oh, the thing is, Debs, I'm so looking forward to this conversation we're going to have on this week's podcast. The longer you've lived, the more you sort of get to go. Oh, maybe there are some patterns here, Like regardless of my workspace, there never seems to be enough space, you know. So there must be something about me, rather than the space I'm in.
Speaker 2:I don't think so, laura, I'm with you on that. If you look behind me, there's a box that's been in the corner and, for those that are listening in, there is a box that sat behind me and it's been there about four or five weeks now and it's meant to be some shelves that I'm going to build so I can put some filing stuff on it, but all the time it's still sitting in the box. I haven't had the time to do it, yeah.
Speaker 1:And, of course, these things are there, you know, making you feel guilty reminding you of all the things you haven't done yet.
Speaker 1:So it can be quite draining when all you're sort of doing is looking at the things that are sort of yet to be done, which is why, of course, we are enjoying this current four-part focus looking at taking time, and we're looking at four kind of big topics. So the first one, taking time to look after your mind health, with Professor Tim Marsh. We then had last week's one looking at taking time to think about how you want to work well with your boss, and that was with Jill Walker. And this episode is going to be focusing on taking time to invest probably in the most important person in your life, which is yourself, because as that quote we love to use, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one, because you're the other in every relationship, and if you haven't got time for yourself, then that actually is going to have an impact on the people that are around you as well. So we're going to kind of just put firmly on the map the self-care is your duty to others, and let's kind of sort of start off with a bit of a sort of background context chat.
Speaker 1:So there I was running a session yesterday with a group of amazing leaders in the healthcare sector and I just sort of put a throwaway comment around. You know, the reason why tools around handling tricky conversations is useful is it means you're probably more likely to fall asleep that night rather than going over. You know a conversation that you've had and if you get your sleep right, pretty much everything the next day is going to be much easier to deal with because it all is so influenced by sleep and he's sort of that was the one thing that everyone took away at the end of the day, which is I've got to sort my sleep out and, as a leader in the healthcare world, I'm always thinking about others.
Speaker 1:I never think about myself. So what are you seeing, debs, in terms of conversations around where this looking out for yourself, taking time to look after yourself, where that is sitting on people's priority lists at the moment?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's such a good question. I think we don't prioritise it. That's the bottom line. On the whole. We do put everything else first, or everybody else first, so we don't think about ourselves. But without that we can't look after ourselves, we can't be our best in what we're doing.
Speaker 2:You know, you use the example of the people in the room that you had. I mean from a personal example. I was talking to my mum yesterday and obviously you know my dad's in hospital, blah, blah, blah Anyway, and she had not slept very well the night before. She was like absolutely picky, she was angry, she was snippy, she knew she was doing it and she said it's just because I haven't had enough sleep. So it was really interesting that I said do you want to go out and see dad tonight? No, so she said no. And it was interesting because she then had a bit of guilt because she said well, maybe I should. I went no, you've just said you're tired, so look after yourself. She was up since one o'clock.
Speaker 2:But you know we don't invest in ourselves when our body is telling us you need to do something. And our body is amazing at sending us those signs and those signals to say either do something different slow down, sleep, eat, whatever it might be, but we are super good at ignoring it and just going oh, I'll be all right, I'll take two paracetamol, I'll be fine, and then it gets something else, like my throat went. That's my sign. If I don't do it, I don't have a voice and it's like I know this stuff right, this is my day job, but still ignoring it. So we have to be the ones in control, I think, of our own schedules, because we can be, and we always hear people say yeah, but and I think Linz always talks about the yeah but game but yeah, but, yeah, but I can't do it because and I would if I could, but you know so we hear that all the time but ultimately, saying yes to yourself is the most powerful choice that you can do, so why would you not do it more?
Speaker 1:I think the thing about sort of the self-care bit is there's also this idea that it means you've got to have a long bubble bath and you've got to sort of listen to music in the background and you know, that actually there might be people going. I hate baths.
Speaker 1:They're really stressful because I just feel like I'm lying around, you know, not doing anything.
Speaker 1:So sort of self-care which I think is going to be what we'll be talking about is, is sometimes it's about making some tough decisions, having some challenging conversations, saying no, I know, we're going to focus on that quite a bit, to then put yourself first, or at least equal, in that type of scenario.
Speaker 1:I loved the reframe you did about this concept of work-life balance and this was, I think, when we first started off, you know, four years ago, on this, about actually on a mission to just switch those two words around. So, life-work balance, just as a reminder that work is not all of life. You're alive for longer than you'll be, certainly in one job or at least working. So that idea of life-work balance, just to send a little message to the brain of, oh yeah, work is part of life, not the other way around. And we sort of think there's an opportunity to that phrase of the mind-body link, actually, if we were to just reverse that, the body-mind link. So could it be that, that listening to those physiological sort of signals, when you know, especially if you've got a busy brain or you've got a lot on at the moment, or if you're constantly looking at those boxes that haven't been put away yet.
Speaker 1:Literally haven't built the cupboard yet Haven't built the cupboard yet Because I can't bend, because my back's so sore. Yeah, oh, I wonder if there's something to think about. So that idea of a body mind link.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good link.
Speaker 1:So, as you're listening to us sort of chatting it through, thinking, yeah, actually you know, if you were going to sort of just focus a bit and just reframe that, what's that mean in terms of looking after yourself? Yeah, if, as you're saying, the body gives you sort of the first signs, yeah, definitely Lauren.
Speaker 2:I think if I was to think of some things we could do, that would help us with that because I think it's so important. You're right, I love the reframe flipping that around because, as I say, we are in control of our schedules to some most of the time. So it's up to us how we use it and use it wisely. So things like you can do, things like scheduling what you call sort of a me time like appointment. So put something actually in your diary calendar that is yours for that, so it has the same importance as a meeting or a deadline that you're having to meet and really block out that time around self-care and planning and self-reflection and then protect it fiercely. Because we do give it away and I know we're going to talk a little bit about our drivers but sometimes we go, oh, it's all right, I'll do that for you. Or yeah, don't worry, I'll make it happen, but at what cost for ourselves.
Speaker 2:And we get used to working in that pattern to the point where there comes a time where you're overwhelmed and you've got so much going on you haven't even got time, your brain is mushed and all over the place. So I think that me time like appointment would be a good one to do, and I know we always say start your day well, as you said. Should we have a bath, bubble bath? No, because it's like it doesn't work for me either, lord, but that 10 minute check-in at the beginning of your day, no-transcript, prioritize yourself. You maybe ask yourself what, my, what are the three things that I must do today and I know you're really good at that what can wait or what's going to prevent the day. So it helps prevent the day running away from you, and I know you did talk about a little while ago back about planning backwards your calendar. Go tell us more about that, because I love that yeah, oh, it's a game changer.
Speaker 1:So you know, I know I'm going to talk about drivers in a moment, but on a good day, I mean, I'm like super productive. However, what that then runs the risk of is just completely bleeding into any boundary line at all, especially if you enjoy what you do, but at some point the enjoyment runs out, if it then feels like, you know, there's sort of nothing else. So I can't remember where this idea came from, but I just found myself thinking, actually, if I'm starting my day forwards, so from 8am, 9, 10, 11, where is the end point then with, for example, that final commitment at four, let's say? And actually what I was finding then is the working day was never ending. I think I think this came off the back of the pandemic, actually, where there was a lot more virtual and remote working, like when do you end? Yeah, and then deciding, tracking backwards, right, at what point am I ending today? So what happens the half an hour or hour before? And so, rather than nine to five, it's five to nine.
Speaker 1:And then what that then enables you to do the secondary benefit, which I hadn't realised when I was doing that. So the initial goal was I need to start getting some boundaries back when I'm going to end the day, and that being the kind of the finish line. Actually, what that then has a secondary benefit is is you're a lot more productive in that first couple of hours, because, you know, if I muck about now, that's only going to stitch myself up a little bit later. So, rather than sort of meandering around an email and spending loads of time sort of dressing it up in different fonts, actually I just need to crack on with this email, because if I dither now, then that's going to impact me a little bit later on down the end of the day.
Speaker 1:And it's the same discipline you have on productive meetings. What do we want to achieve at the end of this meeting? Well, we've got to arrive at a decision. You're a lot more purposeful in that intro because you've begun with the end in mind. So it's got a couple of benefits. Really. It kind of gets you going a little bit quicker, but it also means from putting yourself first that's what I'm going to call it at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I really liked that when you did that and it does work actually, because I've been putting that into play to help me as well. But the other thing I like is this embracing that white space in your diary. So when you I always look at some people's diaries and they literally are color coded back to back to back to back and there's no what we call white space in there at all and it's like how how can you leave gaps in your schedule and between tasks or wherever it might be? So you can think and reset and actually it does prevent overwhelm and a little bit of burnout because of it and does make you more productive in the long run.
Speaker 2:So my challenge would be for people to create the white space in your diary. Don't fill it up back to back. So create some little gaps of light that are coming into your diary and see what difference it makes. You have to do it a few times, but don't see it as a gap and go, oh, I'm going to fill it. It's like, no, that's for me. So it links back to that me time and it might start with just five minute little, little tiny gap. You know it's not filled in, but keep that as your time. So, yeah, I really embrace the white space in your day.
Speaker 1:But I think, as well, I mean, we work with loads of people who have a uniform job, with whom they run a shift, and that's you might not be able to control what happens between your nine to five with the equivalent, because you're at the sort of the beck and call of fate you know, or whatever sort of comes your way, but I guess the white space that that would be to top and tail your shift, so there's not an immediate action or task that needs to happen either side, so that sort of embracing that white space.
Speaker 1:But it might wrap around your day if your day is structured in a way where you're just there dealing with the public.
Speaker 2:And don't have the time to create it. And this is where, again, we're in control of that right. We can plan and prioritise ourselves in those moments, whether it is, as I'm going to make a choice that, yes, my shift might start at seven o'clock in the morning, but to help me, I'm going to use my 10 minute of me time and just get a coffee and just sit quietly. So that might mean I'll get up slightly earlier and I might get into work slightly earlier, but that doesn't mean I'm going to work or I'm going to go into the coffee shop down the road and just sit quietly for a couple of 10 minutes or so and then I'll get up and walk to the rest of the way into work or whatever. So we can with creativity, I think we can make it work. So it does. We do prioritise ourselves and ultimately, looking after our wellness and our wellbeing, which is so, so important, yeah.
Speaker 1:But this one of the people that was on this session yesterday. It was just great and that's the lovely thing about just being able to sit in a room and to be able to share ideas about you know, what do you do. It wasn't part of the session, but she just sort of got us all thinking about this meditation practice that she'd been doing and then you could sort of see everyone around the table going oh I know I should be doing something like that.
Speaker 1:But once you make it very simple. So she said I, just 10 minutes before I get up, I just sit and reflect and just connect to myself and just sort of wake myself up gently and then get into the day. And it's those simple choices and she was even talking about. You know how you have a lunch. So if you've got a busy day, am I having my lunch whilst watching something or am I just going to sit there peacefully and eat? So you might be eating on the move, but am I eating on the move whilst doing three other things or am I actually just going to focus on this one task and just even those simple things? This sort of singular focusing of your attention can be relaxing if you're finding yourself feeling a bit hectic and a bit kind of overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good catch and I think you know you nailed it, laura, with that simplicity. They are really simple things to do, but again, we, we just think we must be doing something big. Or, you know, go even further and go to a sound bath, or go even further and go to a big yoga retreat, or so, not necessarily I mean you might, but building up to something like that could really help because you've got to see the benefits of it to you and those small little changes will add up to big changes in the end, which you'll then expand your knowledge or go somewhere else or try something new, because you've done that already and you can see the importance of it. You know, which is interesting, but for me, I suppose the one thing we hear, laura, is people say yeah, but how can I say no without feeling guilty? Because it's a really interesting one, this saying no without guilt, isn't it? We had somebody said yes, but I want to say no, but, and it's like, oh, I felt guilty for saying I can't help or I can't do or I'm not available, but it's a really tough one to do. It's like, how do we say no without feeling that guilt around it? And that's the one thing.
Speaker 2:I think that stops people managing them planning their own time, because they feel like they have to be in service of others all of the time, but actually it's good to have service of self as well. So I think there's a couple of things people can consider about being clear and kind and firm and you do a lot of this. It's polite and it's not disrespectful, but it's quite firm by going okay, that sounds like a great idea Right now. I can't commit to that right now, so I wish I could. I've got some other priorities going on at that moment. I wish I could be there. I have other priorities going on at the moment, and being that direct is sometimes the kindest thing to do to people around. That, and your one that I always love with the ABC is the alternative offer. You know if you'd like to help but can't commit fully at that moment, or you suggest a different way or you add something to it. So the ABC that you do is brilliant, so tell us about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, funny enough, the ABC tour. There's so many tours out.
Speaker 2:There aren't there.
Speaker 1:So this is on that carousel of content that we're repainting and respraying, putting it out there for spring. So the ABC model. There's probably millions of ABC models but this particular one was a conflict resolution one.
Speaker 1:So the action, this has happened, the behaviour, this is what you're doing, doing the consequence having on me, and then offer an alternative. So it might not work particularly on this, but the comp, the, the offering, the alternative is where you are, rather than you there with the uncomfortable of I've just said no, yeah, and then, if you can feel I'm just about to go and offer something ridiculous because I now feel so bad for saying no, yeah, to then sort of gently pass it over with you know, what other way might there be to celebrate, you know? Or what other? When else are you sort of planning to sort of meet up? And I think what would be interesting to delve down into is am I right in thinking most people find these moments of boundary holding uncomfortable there?
Speaker 1:might be certain things you've had to practice so it just becomes part of your style. You know, I sort of remind myself of every so often over the last 25 years of running sessions. You know where you've had someone say oh, I feel perfectly comfortable saying no, and no one's choosing them for a pair's exercise.
Speaker 2:I know it's really interesting, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, or every so often you get someone going. I love tricky conversations, conversations.
Speaker 1:You know I love making people cry and they're the ones that there's got a gap next to them at lunch, because there just must be something about that person's yeah, character. So I think it is. It is normal, if they're ever such a thing, yeah, for there to be uncomfortable moments of where oh, I'm about to lay down a boundary line here and you probably weren't expecting it, but actually I'm going to lay this down and I think what can be so empowering, devs, is to understand what might be the certain things my guilt might be. I might have the same emotion, but the storyline behind that might be slightly different.
Speaker 1:So take us through the driver's stuff, and I know we've sort of you know, touched on it on a couple of episodes, but I just think it's just so empowering to understand certain things. On a good day, fire you up and drive your performance, yeah, but let those horses run out of control and it can actually stitch you up and cause some real boundary challenges, which means you might never put in time to look after yourself, yeah, because of the reasons that might then kind of, or your drivers have sort of got into overdrive. So give us a bit of an overview as to what this concept is of drivers and what might be some practical things that could help. Okay, let's do that.
Speaker 2:So I think, laura, this is such an interesting one and Linz, our colleague, talks about this a lot and it comes from the lovely world of Bern as well around the drivers that we have within us and they say they have five key. We have five key drivers on the whole, some to a lesser or greater degree depending on you and how your beliefs were formed and how you learn as you've grown up, all of that lovely stuff. So, without going into it too deep, but we have five drivers grown up, all of that lovely stuff. So, without going into it too deep, but we have five drivers which are please others, be perfect, try hard, be strong and hurry up, and there are different characteristics, if you like that sort of tell you yeah, maybe that's me, and then what are the flips of that? What if you are overplaying that? So mine is please others and try hard. Really, I was used to be, I think, be perfect, but that's sort of gone out the window.
Speaker 2:You've liberated yourself, I've liberated myself from being perfect anymore, because that doesn't help. So the please others is, you know, they can sometimes be characterized as people that are very smiley people. They're like a social butterfly. They like the people interaction. They can be really emotional at times and they can feel it if somebody else is feeling it. They're team players. They're very much about the team and making sure the team all right, with this element of caring but pleasing others, because they ultimately, when we look at the flip of that, ultimately it's basically you want to be liked and therefore you prioritize your own needs over those of others. Ultimately, it's basically you want to be liked and therefore you prioritize your own needs over those of others, and you have such an astute awareness, as a team player, of other people's feelings and emotions that you want them to be okay. So you forget your own and therefore you don't take care of yourself well enough before it becomes too late and you just go, oh, okay, and we can do things around.
Speaker 2:How do we start a conversation that says, no, I'm going to please myself today, because it's a really interesting one to do about. Oh, that feels a bit weird. Even as I'm saying that I'm going to please myself today I'm going oh, will I? Yeah, I feel weird even saying that, because it's just the characteristic that's one of my drivers. So I have had to, and I am learning to prioritize myself without any fear of guilt. And saying no means I'm saying yes to me, which is a very weird concept to embrace, because you've always been used to pleasing others, but there are times when you go, no, my boundaries are better. Now I've learned that that's not going to be healthy. So we have to learn how to counteract, and saying no is one of the big things we can do. So no, I'm actually doing this for me.
Speaker 1:So am I right in thinking something that could get in the way of someone taking time to look after themselves? If they've got a high, please others driver is, I can't say no, otherwise they won't like me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ultimately.
Speaker 1:So that's that particular driver, take us to the next one.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the other one we've got is the try hard one, which for me, is always an interesting one. Try hard is my one. Super creative will always come up with a different way of doing it. Nothing is a problem because you can foresee a problem, so it's like you're preempting everything. They can be quite rebellious, that try hard because they genuinely will push the boundaries to get a result. And when you combine that with a please others. If I can fix it and go over the top and cause havoc for you because I can fix it for you, I'm going to try really hard to make that happen.
Speaker 2:Doesn't always work, doesn't always finish things off. A try hard person and it can be easily distracted because they like the group dynamic as well. Normally they took on too many projects because it's super exciting and they want to either please people or be perfect or show people how strong they are. So they all combine these drivers together and we can. For me, certainly, I have to watch myself go off on a tangent. So it's it's recognizing. When it works for you, it's great. If you need to be creative in a conversation and look at it from a different perspective, then the try-hards will find a way and find a solution to it if they can. But then some of the other drivers will kick in, because if somebody doesn't like the idea, then they go back to that. Oh, but I was trying to help and therefore I wasn't pleasing you, so therefore maybe you don't like me, so you can. They all interweave in some form, but the try hard one is an interesting one.
Speaker 1:So, again, taking to this, what might get in the way of someone putting themselves first and taking time out for you is I can't say no, because otherwise it looks like I'm not putting effort in or it looks like I'm lazy or it looks like I'm not trying. So is that the little kind of judgey voice inside? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:The other one is the hurry up driver, which I think some of us have had. We like things done quickly and we're very always running, as we always call it, so often get lots done and often late to things as well, because we're trying to fit so much stuff in and hurry up and get it focused on the quantity sometimes rather than the quality of what we're doing, and they literally can hit the deck running with this yeah, let's go, and they're off and you go. Wow. So the hurry up piece is the speed you like to get things done may not match the speed of other people's, so that hurry up driver in us can be quite frustrating if somebody just wants to slow everything down and question it by saying, well, I don't think we can go there yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can, we can, we can. It's like you see that play out all the time. Yeah, we can make that happen, because then it fits in with. Well, if I'm going to please others as well, then I can make that work for you. Yeah, let's hurry up, let me overload myself with even more so I can please you around it. Fascinating.
Speaker 1:So, again, making the link to what might get in the way of prioritising some me time, then is I can't say no, yes, otherwise it looks like I'm not on it. Yes, yeah, would that be the fear? I can't say no, otherwise it doesn't look like I'm on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you think I'm not good enough or not delivering, and it's like no, but you are. You're doing more.
Speaker 1:So sometimes around it, yeah, interesting. So take us through the fourth of these wild horses that can take us off the clear path. Oh, my God, the be strong people.
Speaker 2:This is the copers, as we call it in life. They're very loyal. They don't need a lot of attention, as they say, but they don't show emotion very well. They're quite quiet. They can be withdrawn at times, so it's like you hear. Sometimes they go no, it's okay, I'm fine, but there could be a whole heap of other stuff going on in the background. They're quite stoic in the way that they show up and they're very normally quite calm in a crisis because they keep themselves to themselves at times. So I had somebody describe this as those people do what we call ploddy jobs. What's a ploddy job? Yeah, it's like the routine and the mundane, and that always makes me think of a robot is a be strong, and they don't like chit chat. The idea for them is just give them a path, give them direction and then leave them to it. But the emotion that sits behind it you won't always know what's going on behind the scenes, because they're being strong and coping with stuff and I'm not going to let anybody in, because I can do this myself.
Speaker 1:Right, wow, so again making the link. If someone had a high B strong driver mixed in with the other, one of the ones as well, I'm not going to put in that me time because otherwise it's showing other people that I can't cope yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm weak. Yeah, which is the opposite. Right, it's interesting, isn't it? But the last one, which used to be mine it's probably still there in a little bit the B perfect driver is the last one where you're critical of yourself, your drive for perfection in everything. If it's not perfect, I'm not doing it or I'm not sending it out. Very detail focused, and that's where I've lost that. Now. Super organized I look around my desk no, I'm not super organized anymore. Very responsible, feeling over responsible sometimes for people and things, and they normally like to show up and look the part as well. So you very rarely will see, from a you know, show up point of view somebody who's a has a be perfect driver. They're just unruffled. Sometimes they look super smart without a hair out of place and everything has to be just perfect. Everything color coordinates normally. As we always say, iron their underwear. One of them, yes, yeah, I've worked with somebody who's ironed their and everything has to be just perfect.
Speaker 1:Everything colour coordinates normally as we always say, iron their underwear, iron their underwear. One of them. Yes, yeah, I've worked with somebody who used to iron their petticoat and that always just blew my mind.
Speaker 2:I know, oh my God. I mean they do like to be tidy. They love a plan. So if you have a be perfect driver, then be perfect for yourself with a plan that's going to help you with your wellness. You will never have a perfect plan, but you will have a plan more so than some of the others maybe. But they have a very high expectation of themselves as well and others, so that can create some conflict sometimes. Because of that, and if that's coupled with the be strong, the be perfect and the be strong, you would never know how they really feel about something until it just gets too much and then it starts to break down a little bit and I would say the be perfect. The first sign is they look disheveled or they look as if they're not as organized as they were. So inner works, but we can spot that quite quickly. For some reason, they're not as organised. Well, that's weird. They normally have everything and they haven't. So that's some little subtle signs you can look out for.
Speaker 1:And linking again to what might get in the way of booking time with yourself, and I was just reflecting. These are the things that can get in the way of someone delegating or asking for help, isn't it?
Speaker 1:So, whether it is booking time in for yourself or delegating, if you are thinking, yeah, that's me, I've got a high perfection driver, yeah, and there's all of these things on a good day it propels you forward, but on the days where are not so easy, it can stitch you up and hold you back and it might be, oh, I'm not going to put in me time for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because otherwise it looks like I'm failing yeah, and also I'm not the type of person yeah and yeah, and this is where they all sort of combine in some way. We have more so than others. But yeah, that script that we create around it can really not help us plan and prioritise our time. And you know, saying no to stuff but saying yes to you, because we're you know that's the most powerful choice we can make for ourselves is to make that time for you. We have a choice. Why would we not take and do more of it? Don't know.
Speaker 1:And that bit of insight, I think, enables you to sort of play yourself at your own game. So if the word self-care just makes you roll your eyes and go, oh, that's for those people over there, change the language. It's an endurance plan. So if you think, actually I'm someone who's got a real B strong driver, well, use that psychology to reverse it on yourself, which is this is my endurance plan. If you're a perfection driver, as you were saying, well, make a plan and buy some highlighters and make it a beautiful plan, and then you're sticking to your plan because you know you're perfect and the you know the pleasing others it could be. You know, maybe as part of that self-care, you still feel you're doing it to be an even wonderful, more wonderful friend or partner or parent or whatever that might be. So, understanding your drivers, it's not also just then to cope with it and to sort of, you know, reconcile yourself with all of these kind of wild horses that might drag you off course it also means you can be super smart and game yourself of even just a simple language. Switch If self-care, if those words don't work for you, imagine you're an athlete. You'd be paid to rest because your body is your business? Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:If you are someone that is paid to think well, you've got to invest in some endurance plan, because at some point the thoughts might run out, if you're kind of. You know, your brain can't focus, so sometimes just making the link between this isn't just an indulgence. It's part of me being able to thrive and perform in my job, or get a job or leave a job or whatever it is. You are in your sort of world, your journey of work at the moment, and just linking back to that body-mind link, as you said at the start, the body is the first one to say hello. There are some things for you to consider. So I've really enjoyed this conversation, devs, because I think just the wonderful thing about educating yourself is you can then act and choose a bit more intentionally. You know whether it's saying yes to more things, no to more things. So what would your call to action be on this one? This one was around taking time out for ourselves.
Speaker 2:So I think my call to action will ask yourself a question, will saying, yes, serve me, or will it drain me? So ask yourself a question.
Speaker 1:Lovely, All right. My share of the secret would be, if you've got a friend who used to iron their petticoat and is now looking a bit disheveled, get them to listen to this, regain a bit of a sense of humor, you know, and sort of looking out for each other. But you know, if you know you've got a colleague or a friend who is just a bit overwhelmed at the moment and just not firing on all cylinders and they're a little bit kind of getting to the edge, get them to listen to this and just sometimes understanding ourselves to then get the best out of ourselves with a simple, as you said, yes or no can be a real game changer.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I've really enjoyed this conversation, Deb. Yeah, it's been good.
Speaker 1:I think we're always naturally interested in conversation, in content that you need yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we are. We're drawn to that. It's like, oh yeah, maybe.
Speaker 1:I should listen to this again and do something which is going to make our fourth and final part of this four-part focus really interesting, where we are going to be looking at some darker psychological aspects of the workplace Things like coercive controlling colleagues, things like game playing and we're going to be looking at time to take some time to think about how to deal with some of these sort of behaviours. So I'm really looking forward to that Me too.
Speaker 2:That'll be a fascinating end to this part, Right.
Speaker 1:well, have a marvellous week.
Speaker 2:You too, make sure you plan and prioritise you. Laura, I will.
Speaker 1:Have a good one, though, lovely, because I don't love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secrets from a coachcom, or follow us on insta or facebook. If you'rea spotify listener, give us a rating, as it's easier for people to find us, and if you want to know more, visit our website wwwsecretsfromacoachcom and sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work.