249. Oxygen Mask Principle: the Duty of Self-Care Artwork

Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast

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Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast

249. Oxygen Mask Principle: the Duty of Self-Care

August 08, 2025 • Season 20 • Episode 249

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Our 5-part mini-series Apply SPF (Self-Preservation Focus) is full of practical tips to have the best summer possible in a way that works for you. Even if our body is on a sun lounger on a faraway gorgeous deserted island, our head might still be worrying about the inbox. This second episode is a reminder that it is ok to focus on our own needs and self-care. In fact, it makes us more able to to look after others when we are feeling well ourselves.

3 practical tips include the Six Box Exercise, 21 Packets of Time concept and our very own 'Desire, Capacity, Option' 3-step conversation tool: a guilt-free way to say no to someone else so you can say yes to yourself.

Our call to action this week is simple but often not easy: list your feelgood activities - do more of these; list your feelbad activities - do less of these.

We dedicate this episode to all the Carers out there x

Speaker 1: 0:05

Secrets from a Coach Thrive and maximise your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with Debbie Green of Wishfish and Laura Thompson-Stavely of Phenomenal Training Debs. Imagine Debs here saying while Debs is off having a well-earned summer break, I'm taking the helm and I'm leading us through a five-part focus all around applying SPF, where we've called SPF standing for self preservation focus. No matter where you are in the world, no matter when it is you're listening to, this summer is the time for a bit of reset, refresh and just shifting our patterns a little bit so we can emerge feeling fresher, stronger and more resilient for what many people is at the peak period. That kind of happens after August. So the first episode we looked at three tips for responsible working, how to ensure we fire ourselves up rather than burn ourselves out rather than burn ourselves out, and Debs's postcard from Debs encouraged us to write a list of all the things that makes us hot stuff, just to remind ourselves that we matter as well as everything else as well. And that's a nice link to our second focus, and this one is all about the oxygen mask rule. So that classic bit of self-care, that meme that is just such a good reminder of when you're there in an aircraft and there's an emergency, all the instructions say put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else, because if you pass out, then you're not able to help those who might need your help. And likewise with our kind of tips for looking after ourselves If we're not able to look after ourselves, then how can we do a duty of care for others? So these are three practical tips that help us to be able to prioritise ourselves amongst all of the other commitments that we might have.

Speaker 1: 2:17

What's really interesting that our team have sort of reflected on after the first half of this year was under our belts, have sort of reflected on after the first half of this year was under our belt, was how many people would say at the end of a workshop or a coaching session, it's just been so valuable to have time to think, and so this is an invitation to take some time out and just have a bit of a think. Doesn't have to be anything too complicated. All you need is a bit of paper, a pencil or, if you prefer to work digitally, create it as some kind of document. And the first tip that people have said they found really useful is what we call the six box exercise. It's kind of like the classic coaching tool, the wheel of life, where basically what you're having in front of you is the six key areas of your life. So it might be health, wealth six key areas of your life. So it might be health, wealth, family, hobbies, joy, socializing, business, whatever those six areas are.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Six boxes. There's something quite neat about having three at the top, three at the bottom and then label those six boxes in terms of what those areas are. And in each of those boxes you're not going to write a whole list of things that need sorting. You're going to put in there three bullet points that would give you a sense of joy, satisfaction or achievement if you were to achieve those things in those six boxes, and then set yourself a time frame. Maybe you're going to check in against those six boxes in four weeks time.

Speaker 1: 3:40

And what people say that they feel good about the six box exercise is if everything feels a bit up in the air, overwhelming or complicated. It just allows us to simplify, see it all on a page. And it's also a useful little nudge if, when you check in one or two weeks later, you think, oh yeah, I haven't done that yet, and it's just a reminder, and it's not for others, it's for you. So, in those six areas of your life that are important to you at the moment, what are three feel good activities that you'd want to put in each of those six boxes? It's a fantastic way. If you are dealing with some drama at the moment and you're investing a lot of time in others, it's just a little bit of time that you can mark out for yourself. It's also a brilliant way to enact some change. So maybe this summer you've had a chance to think and you want to shift things around a little bit. If it all feels a bit overwhelming, then it enables you to break it down into those six key areas, and if six doesn't work with you, try eight, try four.

Speaker 1: 4:42

But the psychology of putting things into boxes is quite satisfying as well. So it's a really useful tool in terms of oxygen mask on yourself first, in order for you to be set up to be able to do stuff for others. What is it you want to do for yourself? And it's not a list of things to burden you. It's three feel good bullet points in each of those six areas, and it just reminds you to keep yourself at the center of it all, because if you go down then that's going to impact everyone else as well.

Speaker 1: 5:11

So that's tip number one the six box exercise. Get all your ducks in a row. And what are three things that would be feel-good activities in each of those six areas. Six areas. The second tool and for those of you who endured our podcast for nearly five years that we've been going now would have heard this a couple of times. So fast forward this if you feel like you've heard it enough times.

Speaker 1: 5:37

But this 21 packets of time tip is such a practical, powerful way to get a sense of control and empowerment over a typical week. So you've done your six box exercise. You know you want to do more of or less of certain things in each of those areas. The next question is how am I going to fit it in? When am I going to do it? So the 21 packets of time. Imagine this image in front of you. You've got seven days of the week Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday and you've then got three chunks of conscious time morning, afternoon and evening.

Speaker 1: 6:12

If you're a shift worker, it's going to work in a slightly different way, but there's still that same concept of eight hours work, eight hours sleep, eight hours hustle. And hustle might be commuting, caring, socializing, having hobbies. Maybe you're doing some elder care at the moment, maybe you've got a pet that needs lots of time, so that hustle doesn't have to just be a side hustle and more work. It's the stuff that's in between. You're sleeping and you're working and if you're not currently working at the moment, whatever it is that you spend the majority of your time during that day. So 21 packets of time is seven times by three packets of time. If you want to make it even simpler breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if you skip those meals, there's a universal concept of there being a morning, an afternoon and an evening meal. So there's 21 packets of time. So what that enables us to do really cleanly is to see if you are working, when am I on and when am I off. And actually, even if you're a full-time employee in FTE, you've got 11 packets of time that you're not working, 10 packets of time that you are, typically Monday to Friday morning and afternoon like a nine to five.

Speaker 1: 7:24

Many people work in different ways, but just using that as an example to give a reminder that actually, when you look at it, the maths of the week. You're working less than you are the other stuff in your life, and that can be a bit of a wake up call if you feel like your life work boundaries have slipped a little bit. The benefits of working fluid is that we can have a sense of being able to do everything whenever we want. The downside of working fluid is it can make all those boundaries kind of melt a little bit. So, in terms of prioritizing yourself, the first one was well, what do I want to do? That's six box exercise. And the second is well, when am I going to do it? And being able to look really clearly at how am I spending my time at the moment? And Debs and I really like the idea of the Chanel approach to accessorizing an outfit. So apparently Chanel, her kind of rule for accessorizing is look in the mirror and take one thing off, because often what actually makes a classier outfit is less is more.

Speaker 1: 8:28

Could it be the same with our working week? If you kind of plan and scan the week that you've got ahead, is there an opportunity to take one thing out just to free up that time, that space? Maybe it's a commitment that's not essential, maybe it doesn't have to be a full morning, you can kind of slice it back a little bit. And the goal with the 21 packets of time is number one it gives you a strategic view of your week, actually, if you feel overwhelmed and really busy at the moment just looking calmly at the maths of it. Number two you can then make some logical decisions. They might be quite emotional, but some logical decisions about actually where can I get a bit more time so I can do some of this other stuff that you've thought about in your six box exercise. And it enables you to put yourself front and center. Two slots for you. So the Chanel rule take one thing out for a classier week and the second thing is two slots for you. And if a whole morning or a whole afternoon just doesn't feel a possibility at the moment, maybe you've got a real kind of busy stretch going on in your life at the moment. It doesn't have to be two full slots, it could be two lots of half an hours in a week where you call the shops in terms of what you do with your time, who you do it with and how you do it.

Speaker 1: 9:45

So the second practical tip 21 packets of time, the simple maths of the week. You've got seven days. You've got three big chunks of conscious time, the rest of the time we have to sleep. What are you going to do with those 21 packets of time? And it enables you to do a really simple exercise, just to be able to do a bit of a current state, and it is a fantastic practical way if you want to shift things up a little bit for the September start. So that's tip number two 21 packets a time, a very simple way of looking at how am I going to spend my time in a way that puts some prioritizing in for me, prioritizing infamy. And the third tip is, let's say, with your six box exercise, you thought actually I want to unwind myself from that commitment because I just don't think it works for me anymore. The second, with the 21 packets of time, you thought, and actually if I were to not do that commitment anymore, that's going to free up some time that actually, oh, I just feel really uplifted by the idea of having some of that time back. The third practical tip is now how do I have that conversation?

Speaker 1: 10:56

So, this three-step conversation, this was co-created with an amazing set of inspirational leaders that Debs and I were really fortunate to work with a couple of years back, and this was in that kind of post-pandemic phase where everything was particularly messy, everyone's kind of working out different ways of working and how they can kind of interact with each other. And this group of leaders were saying, actually, what was a big challenge is how do you say no and yet still look like you're a decent teammate who is delivering great internal service, but you can't be everything to everyone all of the time, otherwise, where's the you in your life if it's all just kind of they're answering sort of emails? And so what became apparent was that there was actually maybe a need to almost like recontract that working relationship. But how do you do it in a way that you're not worrying about it beforehand and you're not feeling super guilty about it after, because it would have been easier to have done the work rather than worrying about it before or after? So between us with this group, we came up with this three-step approach Desire capacity option.

Speaker 1: 12:07

So let's say someone comes to you and we've got a request for your time, but you know, from having done the 21 Packets of Time exercise, actually it's really important for you to honor that space that you've created in your diary and it would be so easy in that moment to just flip that boundary and say, okay, go on, then I'll have a meeting. But if actually you have any ability to be able to empower your choice around that time, how are you going to hold that? So the desire aspect is I'd love to, or whatever language works to you. And then you set your capacity. In reality I'm really stacked this week and actually that Friday afternoon is my chance to get the deadline done. And then option what we could do is why don't we set some time for Monday? So desire capacity option. And it's a neat, clean way to say I'd love to. In reality I've got this commitment, but an option could be X, y, z.

Speaker 1: 13:02

From your perspective, when you're communicating, it feels fair. From the other person's perspective, it sounds quite rational. And there's a lovely phrase that our colleague, our teammate, lindsay, talks about Often the only people that are offended by boundaries setting are the ones that benefited from you having no boundaries. So that three-step conversation you set your intent with the six-box exercise, you've looked at the practicalities with the 21 packets of time and the third step is how do I actually hold that boundary in that moment, so I can prioritize myself, and, if you like a bit of a plan, the brain likes things in threes desire capacity option. I'd love to.

Speaker 1: 13:44

In reality, what we could do, though, is and it's a really handy tool to be able to still feel like a wonderful professional teammate, colleague, supplier in that moment, and yet putting yourself first, being a good supplier, teammate, colleague to yourself, and I think what's becoming a real topic that we're hearing a lot at the moment is role modeling. Overtly, conversations like this is a really empowering way to equip maybe next generation of talent that are entering into our workplace to be able to have that confidence, to calmly hold a boundary, because it wouldn't have been brilliant to have a mentor telling us these types of things not telling us as such, but showing us these ways of working so we wouldn't get to the stage where we have a workforce where, potentially, we've got levels of burnout that are not sustainable, and sometimes these big things, it's those little small things in that moment. So the six box exercise what's my intention? How am I going to put myself front and center 21 packets a time? What does that mean in terms of actually the practicalities of fitting these things in and moving things around a bit and maybe declining from some of those responsibilities that are non-essential. And the third step how am I going to hold my boundary in that moment? So this has been the oxygen mask rule. As any flight will remind us on those safety briefings, you've got to put your own mask on first before you look after others, because if you pass out with the pressure of it all, then you can't help. So remove that guilt. Self-preservation, focus, spf, keeping yourself safe and well.

Speaker 1: 15:22

The summertime is a classic time to reset, refresh and maybe just reframe some of those patterns that we find ourselves moving into. Perfect time for a summer reset ahead of peak time ahead. And we're going to round off with a postcard from our Debs. So Debs, as we know, is all about action, because if you're just chatting it through in your mind and there's no action, then it's wishful thinking. So how do we convert these kind of thoughts into practical action, which is the basis of any coaching session?

Speaker 1: 15:58

So Deb's call to action for this SPF episode is to write a list of all your feel good activities and do more of those, and then write a list of all your feel bad activities and do less of those. So what do I want more of? What do I want less of? And that plays into that classic motivation of towards and away from. What do I want to do more? That takes me towards where I want to get to this summer, and what do I want to do less of Because it takes me away from what I get to. And even if you don't want to write a list, just set a timer for 15 minutes and channel Debs's inner Yoda presence and just sit with yourself and just reflect what do I want to get from this summer ahead and how am I going to put myself front and center.

Speaker 1: 16:51

So I hope you found that session useful. Those three top tips are some of the crowd pleasers that we found over the years. That creates lots of discussion, not only from a bit of solo reflection, but chatting it through with someone else as well. So have a fantastic summer week ahead and I'll see you at the next one. And I'll see you at the next one. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast. We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact, at secretsfromacoachcom, or follow us on Insta or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us a rating, as it's easier for people to find us and if you want to know more, visit our website wwwsecretsfromacoachcom. And sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work you.