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Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
250. Savour the Moment: Keeping Fully Present
Summer often brings a different timetable and so this latest episode in our 5-part mini-series Apply SPF (Self-Preservation Focus) is about relishing those moments of downtime. Even on a standard day we are said to have 70,000 thoughts whirling around our head and sometimes its tough to just our click our fingers and relax.
Our 3 practical tips include the 3 Questions to Handle Big Thoughts, Covey's Circle of Influence and the 2000 old Stoic concept of Savouring: instant feelgood moment when we recall past successes and a positive antidote to dwelling.
Our call to action this week is to work out your Towards/Away From motivators: list 3 things you want more of this summer and plan them in, and 3 things you want less of this summer and plan them out.
We dedicate this episode to all the over-thinkers out there x
Secrets from a coach thrive and maximize your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with debbie green of wishfish and laura thompson stavely of phenomenal training Debs. Imagine Debs here saying law. She's currently taking a summer break and we're going to focus on all the things that enable us to actually enjoy that break, because you might be sitting there on the sun lounger physically, but if mentally you're there caught up in a conversation or worrying about something that is on your to-do list, then actually that doesn't feel like a summer rest. And we're going to be looking at some tips in a moment that enable us to savour moments and staying in that moment. Savor moments and staying in that moment.
Speaker 1:So this is the third in our five-part focus that we've called Apply SPF, where SPF stands for Self-Preservation Focus. Our first episode was looking at ways that we can ensure that we're fired up rather than burnt out. So tips, responsible working and our episode last week was looking at the oxygen mask rule. So three tips for prioritizing yourself, and this third one is this art of savoring. So while I'm there on a summer break so typically that's where people might shift their patterns a little bit in that summertime and these are some tips that are really practical, that enable us to actually enjoy that break that we've created in our working patterns, rather than lying there or sitting there or driving there feeling like we're actually working inside our head. So why have we chosen the word savouring?
Speaker 1:Let's take a trip back about two and a half thousand years ago. Thousand years ago. So, as you know, we're real fans of the stoic philosophy here on Secrets of the Coach podcast, because here we are in the mid-20s decade, thinking that we're the first generation of adults that have had to deal with stuff like this. But actually sometimes, when you go back in time thousands of years ago, we can realise that actually it's been ever so. You know, it's always been so that we've got stuff that kind of worries us and concerns us. So how do we deal with that in a way that means that we can still lead great lives and not get caught up so much in the problems that we're able to also enjoy the present moment as well?
Speaker 1:And what the Stoics were practicing two and a half thousand years ago was this idea of savoring. So, rather than dwelling on the past, the things that can drag us down and depress us, savoring the past, relishing those sweet successes that we've had in our backgrounds to then actually fire us up, to feel confident for what might be ahead. So what their suggestion was if you're feeling a bit wobbly about something that's ahead of you, one of the quickest ways to get yourself on solid ground is to savour a past success. So rather than dwelling on how a meeting went last month and thinking of what you should have could have, would have said it's savoring, maybe, a meeting that happened a week after and how you approached it in a way that you feel good about. So you can do more of that and that is a lot happier place to be inside your head.
Speaker 1:So let's have a look at three practical tips that we can use to savor those moments of peace that we've worked so hard to get. So we're not lying there in the deck chair worried about stuff. We're able to sit there and be at ease with where we're at, so we can really leave summer feeling refreshed and reset. So let's have a look at the first tip. So there's no easy way to click your fingers and stop thinking. I wish there was a way. I mean maybe the time that the first pina colada kicks in it helps a little bit, but potentially that leads to not healthy coping mechanisms. So here is a really healthy coping mechanism if you find that your head is full of these big thoughts. So this goes out to our dear friend Lex, who taught me this a number of years ago and we've passed it on to many, many thousands of people on all the workshops between us as a team that we've delivered over the years since.
Speaker 1:So if you've got big, unruly thoughts that are going around and around in your head, here are three questions that can just help tie it down a little bit. Question number one is what I'm thinking logical, or have I made two plus two and made it equate to nine? So is it logical? Question two is it true? So is it 100% true what I'm thinking about, that interaction that happened? What might be another alternative to viewing that as the only perception that I've got? And question number three is it helpful, is it helping me right now to keep thinking about this again and again, and again?
Speaker 1:And this then helps put a little bit of a sense of just a bit of a mirror moment. So if you're there and you're on a summer holiday and you're finding that your head is going into work mode and you're worrying about something that's happened or worrying about something that's ahead. What this enables us to do is just to hold a mirror up and ask three questions Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful or true? And if I answer no to any one of those three, then permission to switch it and switch my attention to something else. So what works for me is to ask those three questions Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful, true? And by now to put that mirror up, you can then say no and then pop in another question. So what do I want to think about then? And then maybe that's maybe we can channel the ancient philosophy of the Stoics by savoring something that's gone well. Not everything is going to have gone well in our working life, in fact in any part of our life, but being able to pick out some of those things that you find are sweet memories and just helps create a bit of balance. So that first tip is those three questions.
Speaker 1:Bit of a mirror moment If you find big thoughts going out of control. Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful or true? And we know countless people that have got a little post-it note up on their screen if they're working remotely. And it's just three little questions If you find yourself getting really frustrated. You've read a quick message on your phone or on a laptop and you know you're not supposed to be working, but it's kind of got inside your head. This message that you've read, being able to put it back into a box. Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful or true? And if you answer no to any one of those, it's okay to shift your attention to something else, savouring a sweet success from the past, rather than dwelling over something that was maybe out of your control. So that's tip number one. Who else in your life do you think might find that useful? Often, the easiest way to instill a new pattern and a habit in ourselves is being able to share it with someone else, because to be able to share it with someone else, you really have to understand how you're going to use it. So there we go Three questions Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful or true? And then you can get back to relaxing on the deck chair. The second tip is a build on those three questions.
Speaker 1:Imagine there are two spheres in your life, and this comes from Professor Stephen Covey Dr Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and it's remarkable how many people over the years have walked into a workshop or a one-to-one and said about how life-changing this concept is. So I bet you've heard it before. It might just be a refresher, but sometimes it's these simple concepts that can make the biggest difference. And this is this concept of focusing on the things that are in your control and worrying less about the stuff that's outside your control. So imagine you've got two spheres in your life. You've got stuff that's outside your control. So the world at large, the stuff that concerns you, stuff that's going around in your head, and maybe there's a limited amount of things that you can do about that. And what Covey said is if you spend the majority of your waking day focusing on the stuff that's outside your control, that's a lot of energy being spent in a way that might not feel productive and that can lead to us feeling really frustrated, really grumpy, and it doesn't feel like a day kind of well spent. And it can also impact our sense of empowerment how much empowerment I have in the world around me.
Speaker 1:What Covey suggested was to be able to limit your attention on the stuff that is in your control. So I might not be able to control the world at large, but I can influence how I have this conversation, the information that I choose to read, how I adjust my mindset to get the best from this. So what is outside of my control is being able to control my boss's behavior. What is inside my control is to be able to influence how the conversation goes, with preparation, self-confidence and a bit of a plan and the benefit of focusing your attention on the thing that is inside your control. That circle is it's more likely to be a satisfying day where you feel like you've been productive and, bottom line, you feel more empowered because you've spent your thinking time on the stuff that is in your control. So there'll be lots of stuff that will concern you. The key is Covey said, is to be able to increase the circle of the stuff you can influence.
Speaker 1:So those three questions is what I'm thinking logical, helpful, true, that's a mirror moment that almost enables you to then use that step two of what is in my control that I can do right now and that's a classic reason why people go to coaching they might be feeling like they've got a big life change or stuff's out of control, or they're just not feeling generally particularly good at the moment. Counseling goes back in the past to be able to reconcile yourself with the current state. Coaching is where am I at now and how do I move myself forward? And a key bit of that will be focusing on what's in my control, what's outside my control. And then I've got choice. Do I keep worrying and concerning myself with stuff that I can't do anything about, or do I spend my precious time thinking about what I can do stuff about?
Speaker 1:So if you're there on the deck chair and you're caught up in your head thinking about some colleagues or some difficult interactions that you've had, or on the radar, those three questions logical, helpful, true, and then you can then fill your head with so what can I do about it? What is in my sphere of influence? So, tip number two what's in and out control of my control? And it is remarkable how many people in sessions over the years have said do you know what that has really helped me to be able to feel more empowered, more in control and a bit lighter about how I carry myself. So there we go in out control. Again, the easiest way to learn is to be able to pass it on. Who would you say in your life is really good at being able to focus on the stuff that they can do, because it's always useful to have some little secret role models in our minds that we can kind of channel until we get into our own groove. And let's now, with our third tip, do a nod to the Stokes from thousands of years ago. So, um, I'm sure you would have heard us talking about this before, but there's a fantastic book called the obstacle is the way. So thank you, ryan Holiday, for introducing a whole new generation of people to the brilliant stuff that the Stoics were talking about all those thousands of years ago and, for example, marcus Aurelius, his meditations.
Speaker 1:One of the key phrases that kind of Stoicism is built around is the impediment to action advances action. Whatever is in the way is the way. So let's say, you've got a difficult working relationship at the moment and you're there on holiday and it's going round and round in your head. We already know those three questions that can help hold a mirror. We already know that there is stuff that is in or out of our control, but what does that mean in terms of how we might approach that from September onwards or whenever?
Speaker 1:So the stoic approach of savoring is being able to think about well, where have I handled a situation or a problem or an obstacle like that in the past? So, rather than thinking of all the reasons why you can't handle that difficult relationship, you remind yourselves of all the other times that you have dealt with, maybe some challenges. And then you can savor that version of yourself from the past and bring that forward then for today or in the future. Because what the Stoics would say is that until you've learned that lesson, that obstacle is going to keep coming up on your path. So until I have learned and got the skills under my belt for handling an aggressive co-worker, I'm still going to find aggression a challenge moving forward.
Speaker 1:And although it might not be easy, what they say is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is, although it might not be easy, tackling it first time, tackling that challenge is going to get easier and easier the next time. So if you know you've got a bit of a challenge that's ahead, but you don't want to waste your precious summer downtime worrying about it, savor, when is it that I've handled an obstacle like that in the past? What was it about that? How did I handle it? It might not have been easy at the time, but I did handle it because I'm still here now to tell the tale. So what is it from that that I can savor and bring forward? And what that enables you to do is just get a bit of strategic thinking. Here I am now with this challenge when in the past have I handled a challenge like that before? And how in the future am I going to bring forward some of those skills? That means that I'm kind of set up to do that and that stoic approach of being able to be resilient so it's not pretending everything's all right when it's not, it's leaning into that challenge and, rather than kind of making us weaker thinking about that challenge, we're strengthening our resolve because we're saving where we've handled maybe a similar challenge before.
Speaker 1:And, of course, like all of these things, the more challenges you lead into, the more stories you've got to savor. And if, as you're listening to me talking, you're thinking I've just got such a unique challenge I've got no idea how I might handle it, channeled may be someone else you consider a role model. How have you seen some of those people in your lives who you really respect how they've handled a similar challenge? How did they do it? What can you role model for that, to then get your own kind of stories kind of going. So this goes out to anyone who knows that they've got some summer time ahead, but what they don't want to do is have their head full of all kind of other people's stuff. Is what I'm thinking logical, helpful, true? What's inside my control? Or are they're outside my control? And if there is a challenge that I'm facing, rather than worrying about it, let me savor where I've handled a similar challenge or I've seen others handle a similar challenge, so I can set myself up for success.
Speaker 1:And now we have our postcard from Debs. So what Debs loves helping to do is to provide people a space, safe space almost, to be able to kind of re-evaluate themselves. So what Debs is going to encourage us to do this week is to create a list of your skills, the things that you know you were good at, and what she wants us to do is to get past the first five or six. And she wants us to write a list of 20 skills, no matter how big, no matter how small, and it's a reminder of. It's not just about preferences and the things that we're good at, it's what we're skilled at as well that enables us to be able to, um, stay in that kind of moment because, no matter what's thrown ahead of you, you've got the skills and the capacity to be able to handle that. So deb's in his postcard to be able to handle that. So Deb's in his postcard to be able to give us some top tips. Remaining in that moment is to sit quietly for a moment, pause and just list all of your skills. What is it that I'm able to do? They might be hard-won skills, but remind us of what we can do. So I hope you enjoyed this.
Speaker 1:Third in our five-part focus SPF Apply, self-preservation Focus. For many of us around the world, summer is a time where the timetable just shifts a little bit and it's a bit of downtime to be able to get set up for the fourth quarter, the autumn-winter stretch. So have a wonderful summery week. See you at the next one. Wonderful summery week. See you at the next one. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast. We'd love to hear from you. Email us at contact at secretsfromacoachcom, or follow us on Insta or Facebook. If you're a Spotify listener, give us a rating, as it's easier for people to find us, and if you want to know more, visit our website wwwsecretsfromacoachcom and sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work. You.